Just shank the bullies

Oh no, Well, well I'll just ship myself.

I'm pretty sure I can't tell you joking or I'm not joking. Do you want to stop recording? You want to do? You want to let me check.

I'll be right back.

Welcome back to Two Going Dads. I'm Mattie Jay and I'm This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting, the good.

The bad, and the relatable.

And if you've come for advice, I'm really sorry to say that you should stop listening right now because none will be given.

Zero, not intentionally.

You don't know what that fuck you're doing. But we're trying hard.

Yes, that's really what parenting is all about. It's just trying hard, try your very best. It probably won't be good enough, but try anyway.

But when you get nice, a nice guy in there somewhere deep deep down, whenever it comes up, I can just see you, like forcing it back down, get back down there.

Do not show anybody that you're a nice person whatsoever.

Before we get into the episode, we do have to mention there is a little exciting competition on right now with better beer.

Yes, Matthew, it is to win a bitcoin.

Well, there's two bit coins.

There are two bitcoin At the.

Time of recording, they have not been found.

Yeah, correct, as far as I know. And look, if you want clues, please follow the Better Beer and the two Doting Dads Instagram.

They gave one about Lord of the Rings. Don't have any idea with that. Did you hear there's a guy who bought nineteen cases from a bottleshelp. His name was Ashton.

Wis joke's on you because I didn't buy them. Yes, so there's two bit coins. Okay, make sure you follow Better Beer because on this story they do give out little hints. It's only for the low calorie zero car beer, which is the original Better Beer. I have one here today which will open and check. Hopefully. One thing is crime. We don't know exactly, especially mark case. It'll say on there and you'll see that has a QR COD for more information and t's and c's, etc.

We don't know how you know that you've won, but what they have said is that it's of you all know. It's obvious. So where I mean? The prices for bitcoin fluctoids all the time, but ballpark, you're looking at forty five k per bitcoin.

At the moment.

Yeah, it's a lot of money.

You never know, you never know what's going to happen. Check the website better be dot com dot a U.

The states who aren't in the running.

Are South Australia, Northern Territory and and the ac T. Look at you, Nanny States baby information.

For more information, head to better Beer dot com dot you should.

I see if there's one in this one mate, please Okay, So I'll tired. Everybody body make rain just beer and you're on the zero out again because Matt is doing dry July. I'm doing the complete opposite of that, where it's monsoon or July. Matthew, Before we get started, I do have a question for you. Go shoot, has Marla Loola ever been bullied? You know of.

A little bit.

I wouldn't just like harmless. I wouldn't get that age like.

Yeah, like the level of bullying is always just like, yeah, one of the kids has a toy. I know, the kid comes over, maybe a little argie bargie, bit of a push, but that's as far as it has gone.

I think no wedges or name calling, like like with any substance, no correct at this stage. So like saying like Oscar being four. I mean, you don't have any boys. Obviously, it's a bit different with boys. They're sort of a bit more rough and tumble, but it's quite a it's quite a de good boy would say. He's you know, he's careful, very careful, gets that from mum. Mum's really careful to get of the motion. And yeah, every now and then he's like, you know this boy, let's just

She's a sweeter. She's like a beautiful little sunflower.

Okay, that's my wife. So he came home from KINDI one day and we're all upstairs. I'm in the other room with Macy and Oscar sort of telling this story as kids, just like, oh, you know, he was mean, he pushed me over. There's no real substance to it. It's nothing to really alarm. It's not like they shaming him or whatever. And April goes, oh, that's okay. All you do, okay is say beat it, Sam or I'll beat you yes, And I was like, whoa, since when

Is this I will fuck you up, Sam, take this kitchen and if he fucks with you again, just shank him.

What you do is you get all the kids that you like and know and surround him and shank him. That's pretty much what she's saying.

What did you say? Because it was like.

A First of all, I kept my mouth shut because there's enough things that come out of Oscar's mouth that shouldn't. Like this morning he called me a dickhead? Where does he get that from?

Facts?

Fact, he's just spitting facts at me because the other day he was doing something wrong and I said, you let made yourself look like a dickhead, And now he's called me.

I do think, yeah, you know, call me crazy? I would have thought that type of advice would have come from you. No, not to say that, you know you're condoning violence, Ash, But she seems like such a peaceful woman. Yeah, you look like someone who likes to throw fists.

Nah. No, I've only ever been in like one or two fights in my life like you.

If anyone is not familiar with what Ash looks like, he's got tats, I look, he's scary. Scary.

You saw my Did you see my Mexican game?

Oh yeah, Jesus. It took me about a month of hanging out with you before I was finally no longer nervous being in a.

Room alone just because I shanked you.

I was always just holding onto my wallet, prison Ash.

They caught me prison Ash around here. I would usually say to Oscar something along the lines of just hit him back.

But I thought you were going to say, like, just walk away.

No, No, I would we really encouraged to stop it. I don't like it. Macy doesn't understand that, So I was like, you're bigger. So I didn't say anything, and then I left it. And then when April and I were downstairs without the kids, I said, didn't know he had such a violent side, and she was like.

Shut the fuck up, like.

I just got to be the knife she was. I was like, what do you mean. I was like, I heard you say beat it or I'll beat you. And she was like sound advice. And I was like, okay, so if my kid beats your kid, my wife is a wonderblank wasn't me because Oscar couldn't beat his way out of a wet paper bag. So I worry too much. But I like to think that the more sensible way is to follow the kid home and burn his house down.

For any of your listeners right now, welcome to the podcast. Yeah, welcome. Hey, I do have to just pull us up on a few mistakes that we made ash in the past.

I've told you this. I'm not always right neither, I'm never wrong.

No, we're not perfect, and we don't try and be perfect, but we have had a few mistakes so far.

So I'm going to just sounds really serious. It's well like, I.

Mean, I wasn't even going to pull us up on this, but I thought, you know, what.

Are you reprimanding me?

No? Both of us?

Oh, okay, we both so we've collectively fucked up.

Correct? Correct? You've got one, I've got one, and I you know, I thought to myself, I want to be treated as a really serious publication, if you can call us that.

We just said don't. First of all, we start the episode we don't don't take any advice that's not very serious too. We also talked about burning kids' houses down and beating kids.

But now now you want to pull out on something we fucked up on, go one eighty and be like, we want to be serious. So the first mistake that I made. Do you remember a few episodes ago, we did the question of how did you find out that you were pregnant? Do you remember you told the story you were overseas? Oh, yes, yes, I told the story of how I made the salmon dish for Laura and she didn't like it, and yes, there he is. And I came home and you Laura goes, how was the podcast?

What?

And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, I don't know what you were talking about. But there was no salmon dish. There was no like that. Never, that was never a thing. I've just made it up.

Just my memory is just you've made that up.

Well I thought that's how I remember how it happened, vividly but completely wrong. Apparently we were out to breakfast with some friends and she ate porridge dish. But yeah, so I have to say that I'm sorry. I've lied to the listeners.

So where did this story come from? Then? So you lied to me?

Motah, hey, and I'm coming clean.

Well maybe maybe you're out to dinner, I mean breakfast, No salmon benedict, and you thought what's wrong with that? Just having hang on a second, who goes to a restaurant and buys porridge? Poor people eat porridge?

That's yeah, I don't know. So I love porridge. But so I just want to say apologies for getting those facts wrong. There was no salmon dish. My mistake, So your mistake ash the one that you made. I think there might have been the same.

Can't be a bigger deal than a bigger deal than that.

No, it's medical based. It might have been the same episode, but we talked about the pregnancy. Well it was the same episode.

I said, you dip it in eight reel pulled me up and she was like, who's dipping it in? And I was like, I just thought you dipped it into the toilet. Wouldn't you get the same result?

Well apparently not. Apparently not. And I'm just saying, oh, we were fucking way off the mark for anyone, if anyone out there who doesn't know how the pregnancy test works.

Your pee on the stick, But I thought you could either pee on the stick or dip it into the toilet paper, not dip it into your vagina.

It needs to be a heavier stream. So, just if I may ash, most tests allow you to either place the absorbent tip in your urine stream, usually for five seconds, or dip the tip in a collected hang on, hang on and a collected urine sample, so you'd have to like in a cup. So I'm not wrong, no, because you were saying dip it in the toil. Oh, yeah, like that's it's going to be a contaminated tomato. So anyway, so we got we got it wrong. We got it wrong.

Yours is worse than mine.

Yeah, I can't even remember how mine was.

Just using my I call mine, using my imagination, dip it in. Yeah, yeah, I mean, there's so many ways you can skin a cat, Matthew.

So we have a few people. When we get things wrong, they tell us, and I appreciate that they love to tell us, and I'll always correct us in the future.

No fuck them, Okay, okay, okay, I'm just going to loosely tell people what I think and if you if you have a problem.

With that, that's on you.

Take it up with someone who cares, which which is me, which is Matthew. Okay, well, I'm glad that you brought those mistakes up. Now I've just learned something because April already said to me, she was like the facts deeping it in.

I was like, gad sense to me.

That's what we did say. After that, we were like, we don't know because we've got no idea, so that theoretically get to solve the hook.

I do like though, how it took me thirty six years to understand how pregnancy tests with your aunt actually works, And now I know sok about how many men listening right now are learning this for the very first time. And to them, you're welcome.

You are welcome. So some say you don't learn anything from us, bullshit, you do. Now, I wanted to talk to you ort to bring back ups of a snake maybe other people's mistakes. So we had a laugh about how we don't understand how people can listen to us while they exercise such a fucking weird concepts.

So strange. Except everyone I see now running with a phone in their hand, I think, are they listening to a podcast right now?

They're listening to us. We had a lovely listener writing and by the name of Jessica. Jess she was listening to us, and she laughed uncontrollably to the point where she fell over on a main road. Now she says, here, I fell over on a main road in front of about one hundred people, out the front of a dog park slash skatepark slash soccer field and playground. She said she might have to start listening to my running playlist instead, And she sent us a photo of her bruised hip.

Oh my god, it's solid.

That's a solid bruise. So there you go.

It's dan Like, what how was she laughing so much that she could no longer find the ability to run?

I don't know. I know it's crazy. And I also had a mate that said to me, oh, I listened to all of your podcasts, like back to back, and he said, I went at night. I went for run in like a bush whatever.

I don't know.

It was dark and he had his Blue Shieth headphones in obviously, and he was running and he said his phone flung out of his pocket. It's pitch black, and he said, all like, could hear it was your nasally annoying voice while I'm searching around the bush for twenty minutes trying to find my phone.

Who are these people exercising? That's what you get. But that bruise you just showed me, that reminds me of an injury that I'm currently carrying.

Oh, sex related injury?

You wish this is my story from Fiji? Oh ash I didn't tell this one. I didn't think it was I didn't think there was anything, partly because it was just really fucking embarrassing.

But they're the ones I want to hear the listeners want to hear Maddie j Australia's favorite bachelor, completely embarrassing himself in another country. There's nothing more entertaining than that.

Well, this is perfect. So I used to be quite a good athlete, ash. I was hib the first fifteen in high school.

In high school, there's a long time ago. Yeah, twenty. It's like saying you were you were the crew trainer at McDonald's. Oh, how embarrassing.

I do really like my football. I like my footing, and I like to think that I've still got it.

Oh we all. Any man in their thirties thinks they still have.

It, still have it? I look in the mirror and.

Why we wear jerseys just in case we get subbed in getting the call up.

We went to the cafe this morning before the podcast recording. There was a dad with a footing in his hand.

Yeah, he was doing the he was goose stepping, he was he was just standing there. He was dummying to no one, like the way of water pass.

As soon as you see a football being thrown around, it's just that triggers. Yeah, it's like a dog whistle, literally is. We were sitting by the resort there was like the main pool and everyone's sitting there chilling out. And in the distance I saw some of the Fijian boys and they're the ones that look after the water sports and they're like the activity.

Guys, and it was just the Fiji sevens off season. They're just down there.

Passing the football. And I saw him one day and I didn't want to get involved. I just I clocked it and I was like, no, no, no, I'm going.

To You had to resist your primal urges to be like football football. That's a perfect spiral.

But then I walked over the next day and I was like, you know, hands up, have you hear fell?

I was just like, okay, white boy, do you know how to catch?

I'm like half the size of such a little, a little dweeb. They're big boys as well. We had a few passes and then they said, why don't we play a game? I thought, I full contact wish what I say? I thought you'd never asked. You were like, just start ejaculated.

He was like, I don't actually want to play this one.

As you ask me to play, start walking back.

Yeah, that was needed that.

We start having a little game. And it's been a while since i've I've actually played in a touch of tag, so I was a little bit rusty. And I found out later on that these boys actually on the island. They're part of the sevens team, so they play.

Well, they are part of the islands.

Oh yeah, they're not like, you know, pro, but they you know, they're decent.

Like, hey, we've got like suburbs, they just got islands. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.

And at the start, you don't know what level to take. You don't want to come out all guns blake.

You don't want to be that guy, right and you know, just like why didn't you look.

And put on hits? But we started, we started pretty easy and then they were really a lot better than I am. That may surprise you, ash, but we started a bit serious. There was there was me, another New Zealand dad came along, and then these Fijian boys is four on four and we were down a few tries and you know, the underdogs here and we you know, we've been playing for a little while, and we kind of we all collectively said, hey, next try wins it all right, and then we can we'll go back to pack.

Up to walk away without pride. I get to tell my wife how much of an athlete I am, and you don't have to tell her how much I'm not. That's the most important part.

Because we're playing right in front of everybody, you know, great feats of athleticism. A few people came over and started to watch, you know, no, like Marley came down to me, like dad's playing with the boys, and she knows she's watching her dad. You know, why is daddy crying? So they kicked off and one of the Fijian guys on my team got the ball, puts on a step, makes a break and he's you know, we're probably about thirty meters away from the tryline, but there's.

No Biggs's field.

Oh it was big. It was big, and so he's now it's one on one right, and I'm there in the open.

Like an overlap. You've got the overlap.

No one in front of me except the tryline, just me and the tryline, and I'm just going to be sweet, and I'm also trying to keep up with Fijian so I'm full help, like full stripe like it z out through the soft sound.

Just calling what was his name?

I can't remember.

You were just like my man.

And He looks at me because I'm yelling at my hands out, and he kind of looks a bit nervous, and I'm like, just past the ball. And then I look up and there was the fucking volleyball. It's time to one indo a tree. The other is a pole in a tire that's filled with concrete. And I look at it just moments before I make impact and it hits me like you taken out by the volleyball. My arms like wrap around it, and it was like, oh my god. And everyone watching on the sidelines is like gasp.

Is he gonna be okay? And you lost the game? They took an into zepped and you lost the game.

That's great, like a U okay, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm find out about me. Boys, I'm used to it. I'm like, literally I couldn't.

You know when you winded, I'm good.

You know when you try and walk it off, Yeah, as soon as you put any pressure on that limb, it gives.

Away and you just like try and walk normal to you're out of start and you're.

Like to Laura, I'm like, just give you the room.

Keep to have ice in the room, please.

Anyway, I'm not fucking playing footy for a while.

How's the bruise?

Yeah, it's pretty good. I'd show you, but it's like right.

On my dick. That's right on your ego. Like I said, there's nothing funnier than a terroist making complete dick of themselves in another country. And I really really wish someone had that on camp.

I know, I know it would be fucking hilarious. And every morning the Fijian.

Boys it's made funny snickering.

There's that guy, tell me loud, tell me.

So, Matthew. This segment here where we get the lovely listeners, the parents to send us in their lies, what they tell their kids just to get by, just to.

Help minimize any tantrums.

And we're collectively sharing it. So if you are picking up on new lies, now, technically we are giving parenting advice, but it's not from us someone else.

We are the parents for some reason. I used to have all these lies. I've kind of run dry on lies because I was on holiday. Did I mention I was on holiday? Ash?

Oh yeah, I liked your way through Fiji.

But we do get lots of great lives submitted. We pick out ones. Do you want to go first.

Yeah, I've actually picked one that is from He is still a listener, but he's actually a friend of mine who had a little chuckle to himself because he's not a parent himself, but he loves to listen because he just loves to hear the sound of my voice.

Who's he lying to? So just shut up.

So he was on a plane and there was a young family behind him and the two kids were just obviously not doing what was asked of them at that stage, and the dad leans over and it says, well, that's it. The police are coming. And the kids were like, what what do you mean. He's like, well, I told you. If you don't stop what you're doing and do what I asked, and the police are coming, he called the police on them. It made me think, like, that's great.

I haven't never done that.

You'd never been like you're going to get locked up? No, I think it's a classic. I've heard it before. I actually haven't. I can't recall if I used it, but I think it's great. Like threatening your children with any law enforcement is top tier parenting if you ask me. My parenting result is what I like to call threat threatened parenting and it's for those of you listening to this thinking what a dickhead. It's completely fucking true.

Do you ever though, have to do you have to follow through with a threat? Oh?

Man, when I get the opportunity to throw that toy in the bin, I fucking slam dunk it like a Michael Jordan, don't jumping across the fucking couch and just like boom in the bin. And then I stand over the bin and the screaming child like I've just won a fucking trophy.

How's the tantrument afterwards?

I don't know, man, I'm too busy wrapped up.

Because I've always done that, like you've got you've got three seconds one Zoe.

I feel like I spend most of my day counting to I can count to three like a professional.

It's funny, isn't it? How like kids? I'm not sure if Marley understands what police do, like I don't know if she would. If she would, I.

Think you need to like educate her.

So maybe if I see it, like with Siren, I would just go straight to Laura in order, just like you sit there and listening to.

See that guy looks very happy, does he.

Who's that rig on Lauren order the guy who's like just handsome? What's his name?

Tea? You know I really like from CSI Miami, Horatio, what do you pull the glass? Well, looks like we've got our man. I could be like Oscar, see that.

Watch out Horatios.

If a redheaded guy with those glasses comes to the door. Yeah. Fuck, Actually just reminded me of something else that I lie about. Go on, well, we've got time in terms of punishing, punishing your children instead of like I used to do this thing where we've got a separate laundry upstairs. And I had made Oscar afraid of the washing machine strategically because I'm going to help it.

It fucking annoys me so much when the washing machine's got ten minutes to go and the girls will always start pushing buttons and.

No no, I've just made him afraid of it flat out.

So what reason?

So then when he's misbehaving, I said, I'll lock you in the laundry with the washing machine, you.

Fucking asshole.

Works because.

Because it's on the spin cycle, it's like.

It's like he eats kids. So I had made him and he said, like I locked my kid in the laundry and he just he loved it. I was like, that's because you haven't made him afraid enough of the washer and or dryer. You make them afraid of that, and then you say, I'm going to lock you in the room that that's in.

You're under something, asking just having panic attacks whenever you guys do a load of washing.

Oh it's a mess. We don't do washing when he's home. She's just like shaking between the dog being scared of rain and Oscar being scared of the washing machine. Everyone's just vibrating in my house.

A psychologist when Oscar's like in his late twenties, trying to understand and unpack why he's so petrified of washing machines.

Yeah, Dad lied to me and said that the washing machine needs children.

Okay, I've gotta lie here. Ash and one of our lovely listeners. I won't say her full name, maybe she wants to be anonymous. I'll say that it's from Kathy. Okay, tell me what you think of this one. It's called the Birdie Lie trick. And you can use this if you're trying to get your child to go to daycare and they don't want to go, which is pretty much every day morning. So if that's the case, Ash, if you're struggling.

With I get the kid. Like it's like when someone's when I did have a job, it was like you got to go to work, so I was like, oh god, I get it.

I get it. So if you're struggling, you can say to your child, hey, guess what, there's a baby bird at daycare, and quick we better get there so you can have a hold and make sure you get your hands ready so you can get them to scoop their hands together like they're ready to hold a little birdie. And then when you get the deca, you can go, oh, so sorry you took too long. The birdie is now

She says kids are so dumb, aren't they?

She also says, yeah, as well, love the podcast. You boys are hilarious.

Oh there you go, lovely. Look that's very creative. I've never heard that before. And I thought you were going to say the birdie died.

No, no, no, you just it flew away. I don't think to traumatized or Lola has the attention span.

I thought you were going to say, you put your hands together and you rope around, timing them back in the car.

Get the yeah.

Look, I don't know. I think I scold figure that out. I like where they're headed, though, like there's something there for them.

To Yes, yes, creative. Let's go on to some listening questions.

Before we do, I just want to say, continue to send the lies in. Yes, we get a lot, hopefully get to read yours, submit them, and matt will respond to them on the DM.

I will respond. I'll be there. I'm always there waiting for the listeners to write down.

I'll be watching anyway. Let's go into some questions, Matthew question from our listener, what is the grossest food combo that your children have eaten or tried to eat?

So it's not really a far I guess it's it's a form of food, but it's not really like no one's serving this up. But what both my kids have started doing recently, and it's fucking disgusting. It really is. If I watch them do this, I start dry reaching and I don't know how to get them to stop doing this. You know, Marley, We've spoken before about the fact that Marley likes to suck her thumb and rub her nose. It's like a comfort thing. And now she's.

Coming handy when she's older.

I'm going to leave just so people know how much of an absolutely disgusting human being.

I'm sorry once you no no, no, no, no, no no.

It's staying in there. And see how once people realize who you really.

Are, I love me, they don't bring that guy out.

They love like this the edited version of but this is who he really is.

A complete disgusting Yeah. Sorry.

Now Marley and Lola have started to eat their boogets their boat.

We call I called Oscar doing that yesterday.

Like have you have you you know what it tastes like?

Yeah, it tastes like me.

Salty, right salty? Mm hmm yeah, are you into it?

It's much nicer than ear wax. I've had a dabble.

Really when like we're talking, he.

Actually somewhere between seamen and obviously when I was a kid, I obviously didn't go back there. Like, but I've caught Oscar picking his nose and eating it.

Oh man, it's just I've seen Marley's had these like huge, like this string of snot and she like rubs it between her fingers and looks at it, and I'm like, don't you dare.

She's just like, yeah, look, I don't think it's a big deal. Unless they start to do that. We'll smear it onto a jat and they start eating it has a bit more psychotic like yeah, look yeah, it's not really a combo, but it's gross. I'm trying to think of what combos my kids have either eaten or try to Makesy loves to eat toothpaste. What the mint or the to dine? She's got the strongest teeth.

Anyway, my kids fucking I have to give them like the real mellow like berry flavors with.

Up there with a Q tip you try and take it off.

She's like, yeah, what an animal.

She's an animals. She's got a fresh breath. What was the Oh yeah, I've got a question. Is it a listening question as the matter.

Question comes from me, Maddie J. Question is ash what is your routine? And also April's routine when it comes to showering during the day, in particular nighttime pre bed.

Yeah, so April gets up, goes to the gym, come home, shower. She's my wife's very routine on the routine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what she'll do is after the kids have bathed and Macy's gone to bed, she'll jump in the shower there and which usually she'll lead her into the bed reading a book, blights out. That's pretty much it for me. Sometimes I'll shower in the morning, not all the time. In summer, I'll get up, have a cold shower because I'm a health freak.

Yeah, you're an athlete.

Yeah, but you'll always shower before bed to be a field athlete.

Yeah.

Unless I'm like absolutely legless, I'm just straight onto the couch. I'm not allowed in the bed sometimes if i know we're changing the sheets next hour, just sneaking there, dirty issues on, Hey, well give us a kiss. But yeah, look, otherwise I'll go shower bed, yeah.

Because it's fucking disgusting hopping into bed when you've been up all day.

You'd be walking about, sweat and sway other people on you.

Laura does this thing. She's always done it, and I'm going to call her out here.

Perfect.

Only people knew what she'd really like behind closed doors is a fucking grub and I'm about to reveal the true Laura.

That Daily Mail. Are you listening? You are cool, Let's go, let's.

Go to do it. She only showers in the morning, always in the morning.

When she's dirty from the day before, so she's dirty up the bed. Then she's like, I'm gonna be nice and clean, so get dirty for the rest of the day.

If she does wash, but before she gets into bed, she only washes her hands and her feet, her odds and sods and the sink. So she'll literally stand there put like like a hobo bath, like literally, yeah, it puts her feet in the sink.

She puts her feet in the scene.

She washes her feet.

How does she get a feet into the scene.

She's sitting up there on the just one like a bird bath exactly, and you're one foot at a time, washes that, one brings it out, other one goes in washes that foot, and then she washes both feet and then she's done and she shoves into bed and then she's like, look down the snuggle and I'm like, you fucking yuh, I'm clean.

Why I just pictured her. You know how when you're washing your hands and you rub your hands together like that. I just pictured her standing on her hands with her feet over, just rubbing her feet together.

What's weird, isn't it? And I asked her because I wanted to give her the opportunity to defend herself, of course, because I don't want to attack her on the podcast and not give her the chance for rebuttal, okay, so I'll just she's going to explain herself here. So just listen to this, Ash Laura. I just would like you to justify why you think it's okay to only wash your feet when you come to bed.

Because I'm really tired and sometimes I have to work really late and it's really really cold, and I don't want to wash my whole body, but I just know that my feet needs to be clean.

I washed my feet in my face top and bottom, a top and tail it. But you've been out in the open, yeah, But the rest of my body has been encased in clothes and it's cold, so I haven't swept.

So technically it's like I've been covered in a protective layer, but my feet need.

To be washed. Don't you feel like it's open? Do you feel like it's really grossy when you hop in a bed and you feel sticky.

I don't feel sticky because I'm not obsessed with running half marathons every day.

I'm completely clean and dry. Okay, did you shower this morning? Yes? Will you shower tonight? I won't shower tonight.

Oh how do you sleep next to that?

Yeah?

She's like, she's a lovely lady.

I know.

Otherwise you'd be like, get the fuck out, hobo.

It's weird, right, it's weird.

It's weird because strange, because like.

If you've got a shower, shower at nighttime because you're not going to get dirty sleeping seven eight hours in the bed.

Doesn't your ass sweat in between the cracks? Well?

Yeah, you're doing shits during the day.

How thorough is she and she's wiping? She must have changed.

No, I don't check up, I know that much, but I should.

Need to now does she least was huh? At least wash your under arms around the bat wings?

So I like she washes her feet and face and hands with obviously kind.

Of hang on, does she wash her hands before her feet.

I think it's just like and washes.

Her hands and was just like what I need to know, residual.

It's residual soap from the foot wash. I think the hands don't even get like a separate look and it's just hands and feet together. Oh maybe maybe she does face first. Anyway, Anyway, that's the true Laura. And I'm sorry if anyone.

She's gonna get a hand, foot in mouth.

If anyone right now has a has a perfect image of Laura in their mind, and I'm sorry to destroy that.

Well you have for me. I don't know if I'm going to be able to look at it the same. Ever, Again, don't make it awkward. I will. Don't make it all my plan too. I'm going to ask her someone going to be like someone stinks he showed today. You stink that's not enough showering the human body. It stinks.

Well, yeah, you're like you and shooting yourself before.

That was my biggest turn on is me shooting myself? It's just her steak.

Is when Laura's come out of the shower and she's like just freshly.

Clean the steam from behind it.

Ah, and whenever she does that. I'm always like, where do you think you're going? And she's like, I'm off to work. I'm fucking late.

Come And then she comes out of the shower and I have the bathroom at night. It's just her hands and stuff are really clean. It's like, hey, baby, let me off.

But I'll take it. I'll take it.

We better get out of here, mate, we better get out of here. So it's a busy day, it's.

It's run out making a podcast. It's hard work.

Work, well tough for me because I do all the setup, like the apprentice, ops manager.

What am I?

You're just the face on the admin, bitch, sure the admin. Let's get let's get out of here. Thank you guys for listening.

If you've enjoyed listening to this episode, but any episode, and hey, if you're a new listener, go back listen to the start. I had. Someone actually said they listened to all episodes. I think there's fourteen two days.

Get a laugh.

Yeah no, no, But if you have enjoyed any episode, we would absolutely love it if you gave us a little review five stars, and of course give us a follow subscribe whenever they call it the podcast world and on that note, we'll see you guys next week, See you later. Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land