Daddy wants a podcast

I was like, do we have some beers at what eleven am?

But I've also got some heaps normal as well. But then I also thought, yeah, I was like.

You see that video of the guy who's like, non alcoholic beer is like having sex with your sister, you know, like it's does a job, but it's not quite the same. I don't know the exact but I was like, fuck it. I went viral. Actually, I'm surprised you didn't get canceled because it was pretty grass.

Hello. I am Maddie J And I'm Ash and you're currently listening to two Doting Dads, a podcast where we'll talk about parenting, the good, the bad, the relatable, every little stuff up that we make, which there are plenty.

Yeah, and if you've come for some sound advice, this is not the place.

Oh you'd like, stop right now, stop, turn it off, head to mamma Mia. Yeah, listen to one of those podcasts.

This is not educational whatsoever.

No, no, no, no, no no. But if you're coming to feel like there's others out there who were sharing your pain as a parent.

Welcome big embrace from both of us, because, like I think we wanted to get together and have a chat when we both had a chance, and as you can see, we're sitting at a kitchen table with laundry on it. Matt has kindly cleaned up the house.

As you can see, the house was fucking messy, and I'm sorry.

Normally, don't you dare apologize.

I love it when we have guests over. Laura is very pedantic about wanting to keep it clean. And even if I shoot any video and the place is messy, Laura is like, oh my.

God, like no, it's actually I've noticed that with your and Laura's content. It's a online you as joke about I love how you didn't clean up because aprils are saying, okay, if I film anything in the house, She's like, you can't post that. Why are the fucking not just.

People love it? People love it. I had a lady message me, and this was off the back of I thought a video where the place was kind of clean, and she messaged me and said, I just I love it so much that you just film your palse when it's such a mess.

I was like, bitches is clean.

Literally, but yeah, we are currently in the kitchen slash dining kitchen.

Yeah.

Sorry, sorry not to talk it down alongside my washing, which is clean folded.

Who folded that? Not you?

No, that'll sit there for at least another.

Week in white underpants. You are game? Well, these ones you are game, man mate? What's wrong with that? I just mean, like, there's no where to hide those any skids on that whatsoever? I always rock black. Black is the smart option. There, you go so much more, you can hide so much more.

Do you normally have skid marks?

And I let them real? I'm dad of two now, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. And yeah, look I don't know, actually I don't know if I have.

Skids because you were you were in the black.

That's ballsy.

You may be wondering how Ash and I got together, and it's a very beautiful story. I think it dates back to November.

November, Yeah, last year.

I was following you for a while on TikTok, and like all good modern love stories, it started with a like here and there.

Progressed to teasing each other. For sure.

I think I followed you first on TikTok.

I think so, and that was right. I remember because my wife was like, I was like, oh this Manny j gott to follow me back. You have to follow me back. You've got to do it. I'm like, okay, that you're very serious about.

So the follow came from April, your wife originally pushing you into but.

It was more like do you know this guy right? And like obviously we know you from the Bachelor beg you yeah. I mean you're Austray's favorite couple.

I mean I didn't want to say it, but I speak.

On behalf of all of Australia. We love that you're together.

Thank you.

So I followed you back obviously because she was like, the content's very similar both dads. I mean, our kids are like a weak apart in age, so going through the same things very relatable.

I went back into my my saved videos sometimes if I see something that's really clever and funny.

And it's me and me.

I had three videos from you back in the day, and I don't remember how we do you know which one which videos they were? I have to dig them out, but I think I'll go through afterwards.

Definitely, I'm key because it's like I'd like to remake them. Running out of things. I don't know.

I think you hit me up first. I think you slipped into my DMS.

Yeah, I said, I think I said we should do some content. And I think, like as all creators do, which want to try and collab together and do different things. So I think that was the original shoot my shot yeah, and got me, got ya.

And also like people did really enjoy the videos. Ash has been wanting to do a podcast for a little while. He'd been courting me, flirting with me, teasing you, massaging in the idea.

You're really hard to get on board. Originally I pushed back, you pushed back. But once I got you at a vulnerable state and I teased you about something else I was working on, mate, the flood gates opened. Can't stop you now, I know, I know.

And you were like, Daddy wants a.

Podcast, and I was like, I'll do it.

So here we are.

What I call it a podcast, I call it a conversation. Yeah, this is like I mean, this is Laura's staff. So thank you Laura for allowing us to well, thanks for leaving it behind, and here we are.

Do we know what we're doing? Not really?

No?

Will there be an episode two? Who knows? Maybe in a month's time, maybe six months, maybe next week.

Maybe we'll see We're not quite sure that we could run out of stories today. Yeah, this is like at the end of we could hate each other by the end of it.

We're still in the honeymoon Phaseah.

For sure. I think it's still really exciting as our wife's like to think it's cute.

Oh yeah, I said to Laura this morning. I was like, oh ya, I'm going to do that podcast with Ash and she was just like, ah, cute guys, and we are friends. We have had a couple of like little mandates. We went to a movie together.

We didn't go to a movie, and you know, I like to think.

Two blokes go to the movies, get away from the kids. And when your wife's like, oh my god, you are going to do next?

Yeah, what's the next episode? A.

Did you go for a drink afterwards?

Yes?

I did go for a drink after.

Ah your old hands?

Did you suck him off? Yes? Of course I didn't.

Seen my knees, April was saying. April was like, I was like, oh, you know, friend, you're gonna hang out with your friends, like you got a new friend. I'll be like, wouldn't say a fucking word. But for some reason, I'm the whole talk of your town.

But it's hard. I'm in my mid thirties soon to be thirty six, hard to find new friends.

Yeah, I mean it is hard to find new friends. Usually you're trying to get rid of friends at this stage, or friends are trying to get rid of you, unless they've got kids as well, where they want to hang out just so that they're not parenting alone.

It's shared pain, shared pain.

Like good example is my wife went out, she went out on Saturday for a boozy lunch. Classic another April, another line.

What does she drink when she is.

She gets a combination of rose like a wine? Yeah, I think, like I can't remember the name of that. I'm not good with wine. That's white pinot green grees. That's the one you look like. You love a good Pinot green sometimes. So like the initial thought from every like in the same situation is like, what pub we're gonna do with the kids? Is there a playground there? We actually got to the background the playgram shut because it was a wasp nest in there. Oh fuck, And

I think that's bees.

They could take a stinging each sacrifice.

Yeah, may see, sorry about that.

Straight in their eighteen month year old walking. It just drug like you're saying it's hard to find your friends, but also just want to get rid of the ones we've got.

Just very lucky right now. Absolutely, I consider myself one of the lucky ones, as do I. I don't know if you saw on social media, Ash, I've just returned from a holiday again. As you know, I hate holidays.

You hate them, but you seem to be going on a lot of them.

I've had a good run.

Let's not forget it is only April.

Well we've had I'm coming off the back of a two year lockdown and now I'm making up for lost time with them. But I appreciate I have had a few. I'm very fortunate this holiday was going up to Rockhampton. My little brother as a teacher up there. For so long as a family, we've spoken about going and pay them a little visit.

Out of the trips you've done this year, where does rock Canders sit in terms of our place might be too early to ask that question.

I wasn't super keen on rock Hampton only because to get there. I mean, I was keen to see my brother obviously, but to get to rock Hampton, it's just it was a bit of a ball Like traveling with kids is a little bit tricky, and to get to Rocky from Sydney you go get two flights, fly to Brisbane, transferred to another flight. And obviously I'll caveat this and say that very lucky to take a holiday, so I'm

Who booked the flights?

I booked the flights, and when I checked in, I didn't say, oh, can the bags go straight through to rock Hampton? And it was only after they'd left the belt that I was like, Hey, do these go to straight through the Rocky? And she was like, oh shit, no, you've got to You'll have to collect them in Brisbane and then recheck in. And then like Laura and I were doing like the tactic talk.

Of like like you've got yeah, that's the thing, you've got kids too, So it's not like Oh, that's easy. You can run and get out of.

It's like, well, fucker who takes Marley? Who takes Lala? You know the pram as well, the fold up pram, which is just that's a delaying one, Like do.

We ditch the pram?

Do we lose Marley?

Yeah?

Kick the pram, lose Maley? But I decided I would run off first, get the luggage, recheck it in.

From you and Laura? Who do you think is actually the fastest runner?

Though?

Oh? I mean's I'm like you're much faster?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Laura is quite good.

She's quite tall though.

Yeah, it's got a good stride on her.

I can imagine it'd be like a gazelle.

Laura's downside is that longer distance is pathetic. She's good at like thee hundred meters, but beyond that, that's when I come into my own So I'm that guy like running through the airport. These are like good, out of the way, get the luggage, recheck it in. Got to run back to the gate, which was like fucking the other end of the airport. We get there, they announced the planes being canceled. Flight gone. There was Fog who was the airline Quantus as well, which is a safe bet.

You let them off this time. Yeah, yeah, Look, if it's just that we're protesting on the.

Streets, but Quantas, you're like, eh, every now and then, it's a one off. Yeah, it never happens, like not for me. I mean, I've never been to Rocky, so I just nicknamed rock ham You're just Rocky.

Yeah, but six hour wait for the next flight. Not many flights going out to Rockhampton.

Any kids. I mean, Lola must still now, so that was.

Right, Yeah, it was right, like Lola. It was roughly ten o'clock at that point, morning in the morning. So then, like I guess it wasn't too bad because the PRAM still kept the PRAM. But you know when they announce a cancelation and then everyone's like running to the desk to be like, got together the next flight. What's happening here?

Do you know who I am? I was like, hey, I've got you see me on today weekends. I've got two people's weather relies on this.

I don't think she knew who I was. I didn't throw my weight around. I did say like it's a very distant.

Point I do and people I don't know who the fuck you are. And that's great.

She gave me a fifteen dollar voucher each for the adults and the kids. Oh tappy with us six.

Yeah, not in an airport. If you're outside of the airport, that's great.

Literally went like I got like a civlaki. Six hours are gone by the airport. We get on the flight, We get to Rocky, We drive to Yupoon, which is like almost an hour away. Small problem. We lost the luggage.

We lost the leg Yeah no, no, quantus quantus lost the luggage.

Like the luggage.

We gave him a pardon on the cancer. This is inexcusable.

I was filthy.

If it's just you as a solo traveler, you like it. I want some new clothes.

I've got two children, I've got I got nothing, I've got no bottles. Oh my god, the panic, the stress, and all I wanted was an apology. But it was a young guy. If if the person behind the counter had kids, they would have sympathized. But it was a young kid. It was just like, no idea. Fuck, dude, it's a bad I doesn't realize how.

Much pain you're actually in right now. You've just spent all day traveling somewhat you've got. So what did you do in the airport for six hours with two kids under four?

Did about five and a half hours of iPads?

That's nothing in my house, scratching the surface. iPad is the best parent.

Oh it's well, the app that helps Miley to learn YouTube, well, she's got this. It's pretty much reading to her. It's a better parent than I am.

Yeah, okay, yeah, well look, don't discount yourself like that. But also you can't beat the iPad as a parent any dad. I'll tell you if a dad restricts any iPad usage, that's not him restricting it. That's mum.

It's bad because it's so bloody good. It keeps him so occupied. But also once they get a good taste of like a heavy stint, like after that five and a half hour window of iPad time. After that, the kids were just like conditioned for iPads. So like, you know, beautiful upoun the beach is great, lovely weather. Yea, literally, and I've got like a stand up paddle board for mar.

I think you could just put the screensaver as and be like, yeah, look the same thing.

Yeah, we hit the iPads, which is a shame.

That one each I can see them. That's not yours and Laura iPad up there.

No, I know.

It's got the feet to anyone, like I think it's got two arms and the feet stands up right. People know exactly what that. It's a great event. Our iPad doesn't have that, so it gets dropped a lot.

How do you manage then the screen not being smashed into pieces?

It is smashed into We'd prefer to use the phone because I don't want to carry that. It's a you have to check that in.

I bring that in the backpack, but then like to take security, oh to punish it's rubber two sticks on everything. I pulled it out. And then fucking having.

A rubber case on your phone and trying to get it out of your pocket.

It's grim. It's grim. I was always one person who would say, I'm not going to have too much screen time for the kids.

But everyone always says that. Oh, everyone always.

The kids now can't eat a meal without having some kind of scream playing in the background.

It's the generation we live in, right, So like you've.

Got to swim with the tide.

Absolutely, Like it's funny because every parent like you and I who use the iPad so much, always go I don't know how our parents did it without this, and that's a valid question.

I have no idea.

But also there was a lot more corporal punishment back then. You could hit your kids more back, and you.

Could also just be like playing the creek and come back before dinner.

Yeah, don't die.

Yeah, I came on.

Street lights are on. Back. I know you're three. Street lights are on. Get back, don't die.

Yeah. Later, I want to fight. I look at my mom and I'm like, you want to fight? A five? Yeah? How the fuck did she do it by herself?

Not bag, just on her own?

Yeah, single parent.

I to meet this woman. Yeah, she probably whip me into shape a little bit, like you're now one of six?

Do you know what she did on this trip? Though? I think it's off the back of this.

This was Was this a fool? I don't think we got there.

All the Johnson's, all the Johnson's here, and.

I love that.

Growing up, didn't have that much money, and so Mum would bring food wherever we went. So we went to like the movies or into a theme park, we would sandwiches. Never fucking dream of buying food there.

She's savvy, man, I like that.

Do you know what she brought with her? Two frozen lasagnas are like to Rockhampton, And so she was panicking when they lost the luggage. She was like the fucking lasagna and spaghetti bolin, like frozen was in the luggage. The luggage, Yeah, oh my god.

You know when you're watching border security and you see that family come along and like do you have any further like that? And then open the bag. It's just full of food. Your mummy? Is that literally? Like you imagine that. It's probably why I got lost because they were like scanning it, being like something's not Why is there like ten kilos of minced beef in this way? Is there a fucking lazagn you're in this suit? Is this in this samp soung.

It's definitely cocaine.

Get it out, only take it out of there ale taking a bit just to make sure it's actually a bad cook.

Actually, so Mama brought you brew enough food for us to eat every single night for the like the whole trip that were away.

And then Quancas lost everyone's food.

We still late it.

When did you get your bags back.

So we got on a flight at like seven in the morning, got the bags back at ten pm. You know, it's frozen. MoMA put them into like those Esci bags in her bag, so I was still partly frozen by the time we got them back to your person.

It would have been so insulated too. Yeah, that's crazy.

Apart from that trip was great. Yrpoon's lovely. One part of the holiday which I found interesting, apart from all the other calamities that happened.

Because a big family holiday, there's going to be all sorts of different personalities and all sorts.

Of like it's chaos. Yeah, it's chaos.

One of five.

And also my sister's got three kids as well, so like you know, bathrooms and chokers. Here in this house, there's the suite and the second bathroom. I have the on sweet Laura has that bathroom.

So we never it's exactly like our house.

Never, like we never crossed life. Yeah, am I looking into a mirror of myself?

You are?

And so we had to kind of you know, readjust the schedule of like bathroom etiquette. But Laura, now we've got two kids, we're married, She's not opposed to like brushing her teeth whilst I'm doing a shit like I'm still I think, Hey, there's nothing sacred. Let's have just a little bit of separation.

You just want that little It's like the skin between your ball sack and your asshole. That's how much privacy you need.

Let's keep that.

Let's keep that. That's yours time.

What. Yeah, I'm like, Laura, get the fuck out of the bar.

I have.

And I know I said we wouldn't talk too much about ship in this podcast, but this is this could just rename the.

Podcasts talking about shit, talking.

About shit, two dads and ship. But yeah, I think back to when we first started dating, and you know, you'd like, if you have to go to the bathroom, you'd like run the tap, might play music on your phone.

Wait, can I ask you a question about that? Because obviously from The Bachelor, yes, would you consider that the dating or after when you got out? That's when? Because I mean, obviously with The Bachelor as we see it, well as myself, common folks see it, that they live in a separate house.

I can't. It's kind of like that gray period where it's not really dating, but then after the show there's maybe like six months where you get to see each other secretly, secretly because obviously you don't want to give away the outcome of the show. So we would be like a weekend trip and a random house in like the Blue Mountains where.

We could be actually really quiet, so you could hear each other shit.

Literally because we couldn't leave the house at all, like we're locked in on home arrest, house arrest, and so you're like, if you're doing a shit, you'd like put toilet paper on top of the toilet to like soften the you know, you do everything to mitigate any kind of sound leaving the bathroom and letting the other person.

Especially like especially a woman. I mean, I feel like for a man like we it's kind of still a fart's not going to be It's kind of like men shit, yeah you know what I mean. It is what it is. What it is very utility, okay, but like women they kind of like have to hide that, like we don't two things from me on this one. I used to have a friend who said that if he ever heard his girlfriend shit or fart around him, it's straight up dumper.

Shit.

Yeah, if he's sixteen, that's crazy, that's crazy talk.

So if he loves Caroline and she goes, it's like you.

Yeah, it's like you. Obviously you fell in love with Laura. That's great. And then she just let.

One slip out to get pack your staff and get the.

Call channel ten. I didn't sign up for this.

Why did you want laure a breakup? Well, well, a Mexican.

She let one slip. So that's one thing I've got, and then I've got another. This guy, I wouldn't call him the previous one. I wouldn't call him my close friend. I don't want to associate with people like that because I feel like that's unreasonable. Oh yeah, I'm disgusted, but they don't need to be told to leave.

I don't encourage your fart in front of no the opposite person, but if it happens, hey, that's fine.

And the other one was like this guy's now wife. So for the whole time they dated, she only poohed when he was asleep. What I know. Anyway, it was.

So where were so so she'd have to wait for him to like not off and then she go great out of the bed.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's like, and it was that's not sustainable an ongoing joke with my group of friends that this was still occurring, still occur. I don't know it could still be occurring. That's crazy. So that's two ends of the spectrum.

They're like, I mean, I have flashbacks when I was like seventeen and I'd be at a girlfriend's house and I'd have stomach cramps from holding in farts for so long. And you know, I remember leaving one time to walk back home and I literally was four steps out the door and just and he was walking down. But those days are long gone now. Laura will do a poop with the door open.

Wow. Is that you heard it here?

Not to put Laura you know, well you just did. She's like, what are you going to talk about on your podcast?

Like, hey, shut the door when you do a ship? Yeah, just hang up as an anonymous caller. Wow. And so Rock Hampton, you've obviously put in a situation where you're.

Face to face with the other person doing a ship that's the contact. Well yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she just I'd like walk past and she'd be staring right at me with like a like small grimace on her face, and I'm like, are you doing a ship right now? And she'd be like, yeah, Laura, alright. Please. When people think about, you know, the memories from a family holiday, for me, on top of that list is making eye contact with my wife as she does a pooh.

It's scarred? Is it a mental scar for every other?

But now I kind of think it just brings us closer together. It does. It's like childbirth almost. It's in the same way.

You're already up to your elbows in ship with kids. Yeah, it was covered in shit.

Yeah, who am I to judge?

Exactly right? I think like for April and I early on the same thing, like so petrified for me to know that she pood or fat or whatever, and like, you're holding in your farts for like X amount of time cannot be good for you. I read that that absorb into your intestines.

I'm no doctor, so I mean, don't go out there and quote this to other people. Not a reliable source. I heard that your verbs are essentially farts.

Yeah, because they absorb right. Yeah, again, I'm not.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you. In my head, I was like, we're not going to talk about ship from the Yeah, but this there's levels of shit though, this one's pretty clean in terms of like this shit bar.

Yeah.

This morning, racing out the door to go to daycare?

Do your kids go to the same daycare? Go two different?

No? I say, yeah, what are you doing?

Look? One of them is like free a bit older.

That's what you're doing. Yeah, that makes perfect savvy. So I'm racing at the kids ready this morning. Marley doesn't normally do a morning pooh. Normally it's after dinner.

On a routine already.

Yeah, pretty much.

You are truly the best at I mean.

I don't know what I've done to create this routine, but this morning she broke routine. Did a morning poo for some weird reason, always asks me to wipe her bum. Happy to oblige wiping her bottom, And it's a really strong smelling.

Shit, Like if you could give me the one smell that comes to mind.

It was like a meaty red wine stew.

Is.

Yeah, it was in the bathroom. It was thick. I walked in there and I was like, holy shit, Marley's like, what this beautiful, petite little girl has just done like the strongest meate is smelling shit you've ever smelled.

I wanted like one of the boys did a ship.

Literally like on a Sunday morning after drinking like twelve weeks and then on it wiped, wiped, it got already. And then I was like, man, that smell is just it's it's lingering. I was like, I put the extractor fan on. Still there. I'm in the bedroom putting their shoes on it. I'm like, I can still smell this shit. I was like, maybe my sense of smell is getting better because I'm getting a bit older. And anyway, walk

You were in gray sweatpans.

So yeah, so it's like an obvious brown stain and I'm midway to daycare and I'm like, oh, that explains a lot.

Got shit on me. How did you get it on your forearm?

I don't know, Like it wasn't like a hectic wipe.

Was it on the inside or the outside? Okay, the logistics of getting shit on the outside of your forearm? How did you like backhand wipe it?

I was like, I don't know.

Did you wipe it like a backhand stroke?

I don't know if it made I was thinking maybe it happened that we were playing before, and she like, doesn't make any sense.

Okay, did she shit in the toilet or shit herself in the toilet? Okay, right in the toilet, but yeah, absolute mystery. And then I was like, I don't know if I tell the daycare teachers, like, hey, I smell like shit, Yeah, just FYI.

If you're smell any ship, it's me because I've had an accident this morning with the kids. But I was like, I'll just do a quick drop off.

So what did you do?

I just dropped him off and got out of there. But then also, normally, did.

You at least attempt to get the ship off here?

Not until I got home?

Do you not have wipes in the car or something? No?

I walked them down to daycare, okay, walk Yeah, so I had no wipes on me? Standard leaf always was it?

Did you have something on underneath it.

No, So I was just walking around for Brontie with my daughter's.

Ship on me, thinking up the neighborhood.

And I normally get a morning coffee after I dropped the girls off.

Today no, I did, Oh my god, what that triple shot thing? So you got the triple on your sleeve and sh in your head beautiful. I had a similar thing like not me before. I had kids out of friend and I caught up with them at the pub and it was winter. So he had had this jumper but he had the jump around his shoulders Like I was like, what's that smell? What's that smell? Anyways, kids shut themselves on the jumper, but he just grabbed the jumper not knowing, and like he's just stunk your pub out?

Is it just me or Matt? Really stink and shit? I feel like as a parent, the smell of shit's not too alarming. Really used to it a faint smell of shit. You're like, oh, it's fine.

I love like pride kids, you like having kids. You like fuck who shout themselves like it's a really big den. Now it's just like who's poop pood?

I'll ask a question in my head, but if I can't figure it out in like five seconds and I'll just move on. It's fine.

It's fine because someone thinks, like shit, someone needs to clean it up eventually. And that leaves me one thing as well, where it's like, okay, who's pood? And usually the one in our house that can talk, he's like Daddy did. And it got me thinking, like, do you, as a parent, in your inner monologue, refer to yourself as daddy or is that just me? So you know how you're like, oh, Daddy's going to poopoos because it's you know, you're try and lighten what you're actually doing

It sounds like kind of erotic.

It does because I also I play it off with April too.

Daddy's hungry she'd be like, did you drink.

All my water? I'd be like, Daddy was thirsty.

In the bedroom as well.

I reckon, if I whipped it out in the bedroom, she'd be like, get the fuck out you're on the couch because it's just like that different level of creep. But if I do it to like everyday situations like Daddy's.

Hanging in the laundry, yeah.

There's probably a good chance I'll get a laugh out of it. You know what laughing leads to sexy time?

Yeah?

Well so, yeah, So I wanted to ask you there's a bit of scenario happening in our family at the moment.

It sounds quite serious.

It's serious, man, that's serious stuff. I mean, what are your thoughts on using your kids to gain more friends?

Straight off the bat?

Totally fine, totally fine.

Yeah, I mean kids take enough from us that at some point I think it's totally fair to use them to your advantage.

Yeah, when we go back to it's hard to make friends, right, but also like I don't want to gain too many more friends.

Who's the friend?

All right? So I'll give you the scenario please, and what's happened since? Okay, So a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks ago, we got this little park in our complex, and my wife took both the kids out to this tiny little park. Is really quiet all the time. It's great. Usually if one of us stays back to clean it, give the house bit of spruce up, love it. You can't clean with the hip kids, and that's just fucking possible. Pointless, I'm packing the toys up, turn around Oscar, tipping the

He's the one doing the asking, he's the.

One doing the asking. It was like he was trying to gain friends. So anyway, I didn't know at this age I'm at home. April comes and she's like, this just happened.

Okay, what did she give the number?

Well, she said I didn't have any choice. I was like, you do you just say? Look, we live a very private life and I don't like to give out my personal number. I mean, it's easy for me to say that than her to actually do it.

She's like, looks behind her, this family is they're like, hey, we're moving in.

Yeah, bully. She was like, I saw I paint and straight away I'm like, do not drag me into me. I don't want any part of this.

I've just cleaned the fucking house.

I've just cleaned the house. And you come back and you're saying you've got another man's phone number. She's like, no, no, no, no. He wants to get together to have a playdate. And it's like, okay, you've yoursues your kid to swooping on my wife and started. But like, also, I think that's brazen, the balls on this guy. Yeah, And I was like, all right, maybe he won't, maybe he won't message.

Yeah, obviously, it's like in the moment, get the number.

And look, I think it's fine too. If you're at like a community event. So for example, if both of our kids are playing soccer together, all the little kickers or whatever they're doing. Men and Matthew, we see each other. They're week in week out.

That's strong common ground.

Yeah, and it's usually two blokes, two women whatever it might be like men and women, Like, there's nothing wrong with that. But also it's like they've never met before.

Yeah, this guy could be at a point where like he really needs some help.

He's trying to find new friends, and like I said, I'm trying to get rid of friends I've got. I don't need more. Yeah, I'm full, I'm full up. Man, I've just yeah, manage took the last spot. And that's not because I'm really popular, No, it's like I just like, there's only so many friends I can manage anyway, So aprils come home. I've said, do not drag me into this mess with you. This is your mess. You get out, And she's like, I'm just gonna have to avoid the park.

But it's a complex.

Yeah, but there's also many parks near us. But she's like, and the bad thing is, I've seen him in all the other parks before from a distance, recognized him because it's a small community there. There's all these townhouses. Not everyone knows each other, but you sort of see the same people. And I'm like, this is your fucking mess. I said, if he invites us to a playdate, no matter where it is, I am not going. And I don't even know the guy. It's just how my brain works.

Just to reiterate not fucking coming.

Oh yeah. I was like, you got yourself into this, miss babe. But it's all you anyways, So for the whole day, okay, April was like I gotta respond. I have to respond. I can't not respond.

I won't.

She's like, I won't be able to sleep.

Why didn't you just say like, oh, I've got something on here.

But then I said, look, that means you're gonna have to have something on every week because he's messaged you immediately, okay, saying let's catch up this Saturday morning. So anyway, as my wife would do, she dress a response, I've got to check it. I was like, just rip the band aid off, say this is the wrong number, Like did.

You not want to say? Hell me, like, let's just go down the park a couple of meters from the house in the complex.

Well, yeah, he was. I think the message said something like, oh, hey, really nice to meet you. If you're free on Saturday morning, we can get the kids together at this particular park that's nearest, that's got a name.

Just to confirm his a wife. He has a.

Wife, and she was there. She was there.

But weird to like, obviously not to say that men and women can't be friends, but it's weird that the wife didn't initiate.

I don't yeah, I don't look personally, if it's me, I'm avoiding all our contact of the park. If I see a guy there that I've seen heaps and we're both pushing on the swing, it's hey, amen, that's as far as about it. Yeah, So I've said to April, I'm like, look, you can rip the band aid off now it's done. We can avoid him for the rest of our lives or move like that's the option, or

Next thing will end up at birthday parties, christenings.

And and I'm going to get sucked into it the whole day. She's trying to come up with a response. We eventually came up with respond with something like, hey, sorry, can't this Saturday. See what next week looks like.

Yeah.

We finished it off with a thumbs up emotion.

Likeang, what was the intent with the thumbs up?

Just to be like I think it was like you didn't want to leave it with no emoji, Like we tried, nice, try, nice, try, but we've got too many friends. We've got enough friends, I should say. Anyway, so Saturday comes along, it's not going to have a really really big ending story like look on your faces, like this is gonna be good. It's not. We just spent all Saturday not going to

I've been the other guy.

Oh, you've been trying to find friends, going to lose, don't.

Do it down at Bronte Park a few times. I've seen Andrew Johns with his daughter.

Oh yeah, yeah, okay, he's an immortal. You want to attach yourself to people are going to live forever. Ever, Yes, yeah, that's it.

And his daughter's the same age as Marley AND's. You know, like I kind of was like assuring her her go on the swings when she and Andrew Johns's daughter's on the swings. And then guess what daycare his daughter goes to yours, same as Marley.

It's meant to be and yet and show up here we go go on it. Because if he becomes your friend, he also becomes my friend by default. I mean, that's that's non negotiable for him. That's too bad for you. Two for one deal, yeah, because that also gets us closest is a Matt John's. We all know what you like with the John So go to KINDI dress the kids up in Newcastle Knights straight in Come on girls, it's number seven on the back.

Well, we had a scenario where one Friday afternoon, we had like a little fish and chips on like the grass area at the beach. We saw his daughter and they get along like really really well. And I was like, this is it Friday afternoon. I've got a couple of drinks in the ski, fish and chips, nice and relaxed, perfect environment to like begin the friendship. And annoyingly, she was with a babysitter. He wasn't around, and it was it was heartbreaking.

Do you knock her out?

And yeah, I was like where, I don't know where we're hurting me? So where yet we yet to start the friendship. He's probably listening right now, if he's listening being like, I had no idea.

I had no idea. I'm actually a really big fan of yours. I was just afraid to come.

Up and you just talk to me. I'm just like any other.

Girl, I'm one of you.

I'm very much using my child as bait to make a new friendship. You're going very well.

Look, I think if it's someone like Andrew Johns. Yeah, but like, how would you feel if Andrew Johns walked up to you know what? It'd still be okay if he was like, babe, give him your number, Just give it to him.

Anyway. If I looked over and Andrew Johns was trying to kiss my wife, I'd be like, do it, babe, leaning more time, Totally fine with it.

Does that mean if you kiss in the model you're also yeah.

I'd been next in line. I'd be like, well, come here, big boy in.

Dy wants to kiss Daddy wants to kiss Andrew his wife called him, and I'm like, for sure, and we can go on about Andrew the greatest player of all time.

I've just seen the time it is. I'm sorry to say. If anyone is still listening at this point, probably just that one guy who's been trying to get your wife's number at the park.

He's talking about me for sure. He's like, I've done what I set out to achieve. Now I'm embedded in their relationship.

Oh, one listener, it's great to have you here. But that is the very first episode.

It could be the only episode, could be.

Yeahistically we could listen back and go, well, that was absolutely terrible. Let's never do that again.

I think when people see that I'm talking into a sock, and I think this is not the place for me.

Yeah. Yeah, once I saw that sock hard.

No, I don't want to know where this is going, but we don't know.

Hey, if you do want another episode, I mean, I'm pretty needy.

I've noticed, and let me know if people want to hear another episode. They want to hear is ramble on about ship.

One thing that we will do for episode two. I think there will be an episode two. We'll try and do this.

Every week, but we don't know if there is going to be a just committed to us everywhere. Yeah, okng on, just let me quit my job.

Yeah, we will. Obviously two of the best dads in the country, two of the most doting dads. We're here at your disposal for any parents out there who may have some questions. We'll caveat that and say that Ash and I don't come from a place of you know, great knowledge.

No, I'm just getting by it.

You know.

They always say you're either thriving or surviving, and I think I am definitely.

Surviving, treading water, just keeping my exhausted Yeah, gasping for air. But if you have any parenting questions please send it through to Ash or myself on Instagram or TikTok.

We could start our own Instagram. Two Doting Dads, Two Doting dads. We've got to check it's available.

But if it's available, check if it's not us, ignore, If it's a photo of me and Ash, that's a follow, that's us. Yeah. Throw on a couple of questions next week if we come back, we'll answer them. But also if you do and the episode Apple podcasts, little.

Review like subscribe, download it.

If you didn't like it, fuck off.

If you didn't like it, you're the problem, not as.

But that's it. That's it, Thanks listening, Thank you so much for Macie. Next week. Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to the elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land