My phone's been on aeroplane mode for two weeks actually, because you can get an eSIM now, like over there, it's like eight.
Bucks for what what's it for?
Like two gigs? I'm just like, over.
There, great, you did not for the travel pass?
Nah?
Fucking five bucks a day?
What's that? Where vertie vote fail are you with? Every time? Yeah? Vota phone. Every time I do that, I get a fucking bill for Like when I went to Japan for four days, it's like five bucks a day. Beautiful, It's like a two hundred dollar bill. They're like, yeah, it was five dollars a day, but then to use any data, it's like fifty dollars a second. So I just like, don't even fucking bother. I was like, this is a fucking joke.
What's the biggest phone bill? You ever had?
A compne of bucks?
And I went to the Japan. I racked up with like five hundred bucks. When I was doing what I was just like fucking using the internet.
What we're doing is watching heaps of hen type on.
IM trying to talk. I send an emails to my mom, welcome back to Dad's I am mat a Jay And this is a podcast. That is all about parenting.
It's the good, it's the bad and the relatable.
And if you've come hoping for just a little sprinkling, maybe a peppering of advice, I'm so to say we don't.
And that's a proper disclaimer as well, because we did get that person who messaged this or commented it saying like you should be doing better as a dad's help podcast. Hang on a second, Oh wait.
Is this the one about the disciplining or.
Is this I don't know, but someone was like, if you're going to do it a parenting help podcast, obviously this person doesn't listen because we just do this.
But you know those people, I look to see if they're following us, and if they're not, then I'm like.
This person was, and I.
We don't.
We give that same disclaimer every episode where we're like, there's no actual If you do get some tips, great, it's a surprise nugget. We're not here to help you at all. If anything, we need you to.
Help us the ones that are struggling with me.
In particular, I thought it was.
Going to be about that. We had a couple of complaints regarding Macy in the corner that was it?
Yes, yeah, that was it where it was like she look, it was a naughty corner. It wasn't like I was beating my child up. It was like she was like cute in the noughty corn And people are like traumatizing.
Someone did say before that episode they're like, do you guys ever get any complaints or you know, people questioning your parenting silent?
I was like, no, not really, now we do. I do definitely get people in my DNS being like you should know better. How am I supposed to know better? This is my first time with two kids, first time doing it, just like many people who are listening to this podcast, so first time doing it, so how do we know?
I think you're doing a great job. Thank you.
And also whatever you do, whatever parenting technique you grab hold of and run with, it's going to traumatize them one way or another. If you are over nice to someone, they're going to think that the whole world's going to be over nice to them their whole lives, and a big fucking reality check. When they're a bit older, then they're going to be traumatized. So there's no right or wrong way.
But we will just take this opportunity to say that both of our children were all four of them currently alive, alive, happy and healthy Macy. She walked in, she was in good spirits. She did give me a very nice.
Welcome, waving that bottle around.
Still yet to make any kind of verbal noise in front of me.
She's here. She's really vocal when she's like in swimming, she's like like happy vocal. And on that note, I've just come back from BALLEI, Matt.
I know, man, I can see the fucking ten on your listening.
I didn't wear this what we've got the old g shock on BAM. That's what color I was when I left.
It's a tough question to answer, but I will throw it at you and say, how was your trip? Condense it into two weeks, condensed into or two weeks two weeks into.
A short sentence.
Please.
It was good. It was really good. I was really surprised with how the kids paved themselves. It was really helpful to go meet up. I think there was like five couples.
All four couples, I think can sometimes be a nightmare when you've got that many people in the mix. I'm not you guys are experienced at this, but like, was there any point where you thought, this is too many people and everybody wants any different things? Nah?
Nah, I think we're all really similar on the same page. Like what we wanted to do, which was hang out, to let the kids play together in the kids pool.
And because you guys were at.
In a resort, Yeah, yeah, we're at the Grammarage. There's like the Grammarage and then they've got like the Grammarage family. Don't be fooled, don't state the family, because that's fucking chaos over there because that's where all the kids go, all inclusive. That ship we were in the other one really nice. Still heaps of kids there, but like nothing like we pretty much had a whole corner of this pool to ourselves for the seven days that we were there.
But everyone was very like minded. What you wanted to do, so like, what was your routine, I'll lay the routine down please, and then any variables I'll give you as well. There's always as well when you do group holiday. Dad's trying to take the piece a little bit. I'm just gonna say it. I'll get there.
I get there.
So were we in the mornings, we would be like buffet classic ash shirtlets walking around buffet eating plate of noodles. Everyone hates it. I got told to put my shirt back on shirtless buffet.
Oh yeah, man.
I was like, this shirt's gonna get ruined one way or another. Were one but like they had. I had the waiters a few times. Can you put a shirt on?
This is a fucking buffet? Was it like a dining like swim buffet? Okay?
It was the pool, so I could. I could either be like, oh yeah, yeah, look it was just hot mashes, so hot, no shoes. My gosh, I'm a grub. It was so hot. If I wore a shirt, it'd be like a wet T shirt competition. I'd be like it was brutal, what a side to behold? Oh yeah, look, guy got some looks. I definitely got told to put my shirt back on a few times. Anyway, buffet sweaty at the straight to the pool and then we would like all sit around the pool. They had like a shallow pools like that.
And when you say like that, it's like half a meter. For people who.
I forget that this is not all visual. It was like half a meter and then it would lead into like the bigger pool. So we like had this corner which was like a bit of both, like a bit of you know, adult pool kids pool. But there was not a whole lot of kids there. There was maybe like a handful of kids and then our kids.
It wasn't you guys. Weren't any adults only.
No, there was a separate there was a separate adults section which wi I only went to one. I find the adult pool's boring. Man, no one's talking. They were just sitting around being like, I'm an adult, I get it, I get it boring. I'm like a child, Okay, so I need to be constantly entertained at all times. Yeah. So then at ten o'clock sharp, because the pool part didn't open to eleven, we were like, that's not good
enough for us. Ten o'clock sharp, one of the boys to do a beer run to the servo across the street. We had a communal plastic bag because they sell the linen bags over there. Now they don't have a plastic bag, which is very progressive, and I think it's great because you got to buy them. Because you know what Barleie's like, you could be a bit of a fucking trash can. Sometimes tourists treat it like a trash can. It's our trash can, let's be honest. Sometimes but now they're not
selling the plastic bags. They don't even have the plastic bag. So we're lucky we had a plastic bag because you could buy ice. Fill it up cans are bit tangs in there, buy.
The pool and the grandmar's fine with this. Yeah that was like, oh my god, that shirt, this guy's back, he's got twelve buckets.
I had made all the boys wear jam Pike with budget smuggled on board. Yeah, they're all over it. We were just like, let's do that. So ten o'clock.
They must have thought you're on like a Bucks weekend or something with kids.
He comes to the strip of the kid and then yeah, so ten o'clock on the beers, and then the pool bar would open color bits. But then of course I've got the kids and they have to have a nap, So then we all go back for a nap. Even the dad's back for a nap, and then we'd all reconvene at the pool again for the afternoon.
Sashon. I'm imagining you just walking around and nothing but your budgets, your bright pink ash's face like smothered all over it.
It was really funny because I ran into a really good friend of mine's parents that were there, and I was like, what are you?
What was going on here?
And I rang my mate, I'm like, guess what I said? What I said, I'm currently in to do it, staring at the barf, staring at the back of your dad's head. And he was just like, what a small world, classic Barley. So I had a few spare pairs of budget smuggles on me. So I gave the old boys a couple of pairs of bud Jesus Wells and then they're walking around the resort in my budgies. Boys, my mates, your dad and his friend.
You're like making sure that like if you arrive at the gradmarrage, check in at your kid budgets. Yeah.
Literally, people were like, well, there was like all up, there was what five of us, two other random old dudes.
Like walking to the pool there and going what cult have I walked? They're like what one of us? One of us, one of us?
But anyway, so then we would reconvene again. This is the routine reconvene again for the ARVO session. The kids loving it right, they're all floating around. Some of them can swim, some of them not. But you know, then you would go the kids would be like, let's go to the other end of the pool, and then you we'd all drag the kids the other end of the pool,
turn around and come back. Its great, it's beautiful afternoon, and then you'd do the dinner thing and because as you were so cooked straight sleep, there's no like kicking on afterwards. But as parents, we made the trip more about us than the kids, so we all got afternoon nanny's because we're like, you know what, we're going to enjoy this. You had it was more of a like parents Booze cruise.
Did every family have a nanny? Yeah, because you had a adele who we use an ur.
Trip like twelve months, who's external from the resort. We also had a friend of ours that they had their nanny which was external. But then the others that didn't organize one, you can get them at the resort as well for a couple of hours.
How did Macon go with the nanny Because sometimes it's really hard because we.
Did a full day altogether so that we could get used to it. And she was great in the pool, like swimming around with a kid. I was chatting to ask you yesterday when we go to the shops, he was like, are we going to see Adele's? So that's great and that's what the dream, that's what you want.
So that was good. But it really turned into like a parents on tour situation and where we would be like drop them off of the kids club with the nanny, off to a day club just the parents, you know, really living it up, no kids, no boundaries on money, let's just get were like, let's.
Get a day there. Every day was a different day.
I know, I know it was great, and but the funny thing is because it's like you've got a certain time. You're like, okay, I got the kids are going to we've got to get back, do the routine, go to bed, and then maybe the dads or the mums could kick on or even like whatever. But because you've got this certain time, the waiter was just like back and forth, back and forth. They would literally come and like take orders, bring the orders back. We'll be reordering because we were like, let's get.
So two hours at work we are can't reme the name of it, but if you get a day bed, yeah, money kill that. Like so then you get that money as credit for drinks, right is that? Yeah? Yeah.
So they were like, if you're going to be here, you need to hit the minimum spend this. We can let you go. And I think you needed more in order drinks and like do you know who dealing with I was like ordering a cocktail and a beer at the same time. And just because it's like you've got such a small amount of time, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, the amount of steps at that way to message I have their phone on them because we were just like back and forth.
Like it was crazy, like we're just churning through stuff. Yeah.
Literally. So the first day club we did was actually one of the girl's birthdays. So the girls were like we'll say you stay here, we'll go back. We're hammered at this point, like let's get the guys, will go back to the kids, go collect the kids. Well, the kids were going to be in the hotel having dinner room service, and me and my mate were like, let's have let the kids have a little sleepover so we can keep dreaming. They just hangouts together. So we get
back and the kids have eaten like beautiful. Both nannies are still there. Pay the nannies off, you go. Coh, kids, we're having a sleepover. Thinking it's an amazing idea.
It's never an.
Amazing at this point where I'm like ten beers deep and about ten cocktails deep, like I was pretty sloppy, but I was like, let's go, like we could do this anyway. We've got the kids all in the pajamas. Let's go. Macy and her cot. She was out like a light because she's the only one with the cop. But then we had three kids in the big bed and then there's like a little leaving space. I've ordered rooms over, the boys to have dinner, got a fridge full of beers. We can just sit here, watch a movie.
What was your plan to attack with the kids? Just in the light off, close the door and hope for the best.
Nah, because obviously, like every kid's got their own thing. My kid, Fine, right, I could go to Oscar go to sleep, mate, even if don't go to sleep, just be quiet. I'll put some sleep music on if you want. You guys can watch your phone for a little bit. Then it's will being like reasonable, I.
Feel like you're going to shift the blame onto his kids.
Oh yeah, I won't. I won't do that because that's it's more like that was done idea. Anyway, So these kids are just not as it's like nine o'clock pushing, pushing. Mind you, it's only one or two days in, so they haven't completely.
Climatized to the time.
But nine o'clock is like a ten twelve o'clock out time. Oh shit, So these kids are awake anyway. April and the other mom they come home, they've come home like, well, look what we've done. The kids were quiet in there, and we're like, look what we've done, Like this is great. They were like filthy, where are we going to sleep? They're like, what did you not think where we're all going to sleep? Because the kids are all in the bed.
That's the plan, now, what's the plan now? But they've come in the door and the kids have all gone mamy and come running out. Anyway, Me and yeah, me and my mate were sitting there and like just getting an absolute dressing down for it, and we're just like I'm sorry, yeah, look, thankfully the kids slept and we
all apologized and it was all okay. But you know, it's not a holiday unless you have a barneie, right, So, like, you know, there's positives to going with people because there's constant entertainment, you all agreeing on things, but then there's also negative where you come up with dumb ideas like that, but.
When you're ten beers deep. And it's also it's always a good idea when yeah yeah, And also the kids love it. The idea of a sleepover when you're there with them, it's a great idea.
There was a one point there where we men and my mate both laid in the bed to try and encourage them to go to sleep.
And kids would have gotten drunk from your few.
I'm pretty sure we both nodded off because we were like when we sat there, like I was woken up by the doorbell because I had ordered a burger and a pizza and I was like, eh, and then I didn't my mate didn't move and I've gotten up, got the pizzas out down. Then he stumbs down and goes, did you not off them? Like yeah, I'm pretty sure, I know the kids asleep.
No. April comes home and just sitting there watching TV having a burger and fries.
Yeah, a night they came in where I'm one bite into my burger and one bite into his slass of pizza watching super Bad with a full beer and my sitting there as the same thing. And they walk in and they're like, we're both like that little glance up at them and they're like, where are the kids. I'm like, they're asleep, mammy.
They kind of running out.
So, yeah, positives and negatives. But because you did mention before, it's like when you're with a group of people and you're like, don't want to do all the same thing. If someone wanted to go off, like they just went off, and if someone wants to go, they'll go.
Yeah.
It was good. It was a good like we hang out with people all the time, so it was a good mix of people.
Lots of bands, so handy all being at the one resort where when you're in different houses and villas, that's when it's a bit tricky, when it's like come meet here, you gotta dry. Yeah.
Yeah, and that's what the second half, because the second half of the trip was only with another couple with the same guy, I got in trouble.
With classic Oh mikey boy, Oh my god.
We did have our night out too, which we're like, yeah, wellmember, like ten o'clock when we were rolling at like two am asleep in the back of a cab. Anyway, that's the story for another time. Yeah, it's the logistics then, where you like, you come to our villa, you come to ours blah blah blah blah blah. But it was all round really good.
Macy'st like, question, yeah, question, Yeah, because a friend of mine asked about Bali with his kids. He's got two little girls, and I think we haven't really done an all inclusive resort in Bali.
What do you reckons better the rest? Look, there's definitely things like pros and cons. So the villa way more spacious in your own space, like talking, you get in a two bedroom house.
You can obviously then eat your breakfast with no shirt.
On, actually eating my break with no pants on. Yeah, but the problem is no buffet, and the buffet is kind of like it's the dream, isn't it. Just walking around with a big plate of food thinking I can get another big plate of food. That's living.
Yeah, right, there's nothing to believe it.
I was eating Nazi and me goring for breakfast, and then I would go and hit the pastries. I come back for a bit of baking and eggs and I go go right round to the waffles.
You were living the good life.
I was living a good laugh. But yeah, look, the villa is great because you get your own space. If you get like a group of four, like a group of two villas next to each other and there's another family that your friends were there, great because then you're not trying to like get to the other one, and you know, logistically, let's get a bike, get a cart, and the car takes ages because of all the bikes. That's like foxake. But yeah, overall, really good. Hot Market was hot.
Barley is quite warm.
It was like red hot, red on red.
Hot, especially when you're drinking beers at Yeah, I see that I.
Sent you that text message. I was like, I'm sitting on the toilet thinking this is where I'm going to die, a hot, sweaty mess with high blood pressure.
Can we get a quick update on the hemorrhoids.
Hemorrhoon's good, they're fine over there. No, didn't flare up. No, but hemorrhon's hereditary because Oscar now does he Yeah, but it's not bothering him. Oh gosh, do some massive ships that in the family anyway, So.
Now you're on the full health kick.
Not the full health kick. I'm on, like I just need to be better.
For waffles and pastry.
Yeah, like I've had musically today, I had a surf this morning. Just I was a lazy ship, but I was sick for three weeks. You look great, going like a pregnanty.
Yeah, it's nice to see you look this way, and you seem really happy.
I'm happy all the time. Man, I want to be a happier person.
I've never seen you smile so much. You talking about it.
I'm just happy to see you in the pool was great, But like I was saying, like, sorry, I just get back to one more thing please. And this is a parenting podcast, so I will need to talk about the kids at some point. Really overall, really really good, but the heat gets to us in different ways. Macy is quite fair.
So she she's almost trying to listen ship sheer.
Yeah, you're right, she's she's nearly c three. Yeah, she glows in the dark, but she you know, she doesn't really deal with the heat like Oscars, who's essentially Balinese right now, Like he's got a tanline where his budgets were and it's like literally like black and white. So she was like just really just in a nappy all the time because it was too hot for her in
the clothes. But the problem is within a nappy, she's just thought it was really really funny to start to taking it off wherever, which is like not a big deal.
How old is she again, she'll be two in two weeks. However old that is. It's almost the cusp of being potty trained.
Na, Na, no, I will go later. Okay, I don't need that again. I don't need that smoke. But she's just like taking it off, which is fine because you need to put it back on. But the problem is she takes it off and I don't know, I'm doing something else, and then she'll WII without it on. And she did this a few times where she wheez and it happens in like perfect like schedule. She'll we I don't know she we but then she'll go and then she'll probably try to move bang slip over she's fallen down.
So in all these different places in Bali, she's weed Aszell freekked out and then going what or she even does the you said that video of the ice scatter is just like continuously she's like.
About Toddler Wii, which is just more slippery.
It's very lubricant.
It's got like a hint of oil, and that.
She falls down. But that was one thing I did notice about the trip. I thought it was humorous.
At least, she's not shitting everywhere.
No one of the other kids. Apparently one of the other kids is like backed one out in the hotel room. It's kind of like anything goes on holidays, really, but I was shocked with how behaved the kids were, so I give them.
That, and how they now acclimatized to the three hour difference one night in two nights.
That was the second last night Macy chaos.
Last night.
She's usually so good. You put her down, you don't hear a peep. She might be like what me, that'd be And then she falsely scream and like I never she was angry.
She was like a bit of ve in the screen.
I was like shit, And then she just.
Herself out and she gave up.
But this is the time of difference Oscars because they share a room Oscar Like, shut up. Anyway, I'm back. I'm back to rescue. This podcast, well, rescue is Look, that's a long shot, that's a long it was.
It was nice to have a little break. And for me, the distance grows the heart fonder, or some ship we have that's not right. We're not good at distance makes the heart grow fonder, makes the heart grow fonder. It's not until something.
Is gone that you don't know. That's not right.
Anyway, not much has been happening.
I don't know what you got to it's gone.
We don't need more songs in this I remember I was like sitting at a.
Bar, like the sports bar across the road from the hotel, and that song came on.
Just shed it tear.
You don't know much you got?
Is that? When you call me?
I called you to tell you about my discolored seamen. That's a story for another time as well.
Okay for next week. Not a lot has been happening in my world. Laura is still on the live show tour going.
Yeah, I've seen I've seen some footage.
It's going quite well. It's wearing the home stretch.
Now. I sent you their photo of everyone. It was like spot the bloke.
Honestly, there's probably a room of like fifteen hundred people. There's about twenty guys, and there's even they had a select number of tickets where you can pay a little bit more like you sit front row and you'll see then get a meet and greet as well with Laura and Britt before the show starts. So maybe like twenty people, and you know, I have a quick chat to those people as well when they're lining up for a photo
with Laura and Britt. And there will always be one or two husbands or boyfriends who will come along for the ride. You just change your whole time.
It's like, ladies, are you ready to meet Laura and Britt?
Good mate?
There you go on watch the cricket last night? Do you watch the big matches last month? Which one or the big fixture.
I commend those guys for coming along because you know there are some women that come by themselves because they love it that much, and you know, the partners looking after the kids, and I think good on the guys for coming to something where like they're not going to be into the content of the live show.
Yeah, a lot of the time. You never know though, I mean it could be their like thing where they're like, we sit down, we listen to Laura.
No, it's even like there's a couple of segments where everyone's laughing and I'm like, look across, I'll just see like arms crossed.
Can wecking go home? Now?
Yeah? Bless bless the men.
Things that will do for sex, unbelievable. Exactly, those guys getting a fucking blow Jay.
Absolutely, there are some guys that are genuinely really into the podcast. Yeah, but like I would say, majority of them are being dragged there.
Against them, just like you're coming with me.
I'm looking forward to it being over. I think we've got three left by the time this comes out, will be on two remaining.
We're on the Gold Coast. Are you going to the gold not.
Going to Goldie? I'm giving Goldie, miss Ah.
That's the best one, is it.
I'll go to Canberra, We'll take the girls. We're gonna when's camera We're going to camera next week?
Can I come?
You can come if you want. We've got a there may be room. We've got a twelve seater we're driving down. What day.
Can we look at this? Actually because I really want to come.
Monday, Yeah, Monday next week. Are you staying the night we're staying in camera? Why night? Yeah? But if you want to come, let me expeact Laura.
Well, I could come like I would like to.
Okay, leave it with me, stay changed. Two things that have happened because I've had the girls quite a bit. One thing that I'd like to talk about, ash is I think I think this is mainly just a guy. I think looking after girls. The hardest part for me as a parent is doing their hair.
Yeah.
Yeah, like I used to do like a stock standard ponytail. This may come as a surprise, but I'm shit with long hair.
Yeah.
My expertise is limited, purely just me.
I'm doing the top night the ponytail at the back. I can't even do the one at the.
Backd Marley's like, I want braids. Someone else are braids.
They're just asking for two much now I've gotten better. They're asking for two.
I've gotten better. I'm getting every day I practice now, and I think only.
A true doting dad would do that.
My plats are getting just a little bit better. They're still quite shit, but like a homeless pony. Yeah, it's like a mutt of a pony a donkey. This is the best one I've done so fast.
Okay, yeah, laid on me.
Marley was like this is shit. I was like, what do you think? And she's like A And I'm like, I can take it out st pulling my hair and we left it in. I think it's pretty good, wasn't. The droopiness of it is that. Look, it's hard to get the plat tight to the skull. It's not bad, bro, Look it's a loose start.
I'm impressed.
It gets good that first glance.
Funny second glance, You've done a good You've done a good job there.
It's so hard, pat so tricky, and the hair is so thin and fibrous that it's just just.
Be like, hey, Molly, how about this time we shave your head?
But daycare? I send it a day care like that.
And they fix it up immediately.
They I pick her up and it's like a beautiful Elsa braid too.
She's like that check off the green shirt. It's like braid. And then.
And in the mornings, I'm like, who wants so I'm getting better at that, hope, Like, I thought that was pretty good. Well, I thought, if there's one thing I need to do is I didn't do more of it, and I'll get better at it. The other thing that's happened, yep, issue is Marley picks her nose loves it.
Oh man, I was going to say she picks it, she eats it, and I keep saying like, yuck, dude, Yeah.
Marley will be She will like eat it in front of me and be like, what are you gonna do? I stop. That's so disgusting. Anyway. She also when she sleeps, she sucks her thumb and she picks her nose at the same time.
I thought she rubbed her nose.
Well, she she picks it so she gets a bit of like you know, jews on it, and then she rubs, rubs it on the tip of her eye, rubs. It's free weird. That's how she calms herself. She gets woken up and I have to put it back in like chained the position in bed, and I'm just like, it'suck your thumb and she just then starts rubbing her nose. It's so weird, dude. Anyway, I woke up wake it one morning because she always comes to my side when
she wakes up in the middle of the nights. She comes into the room, she's coming to bed, and I'm woke it up, and I'm like, when you're half asleep still, and I'm like, what fuck is that weird? Like wet stuff. She's picked her nose so much it's bled like nothing else. There is the biggest blood patch. And also I didn't have the fucking mattress protector on there either.
So this is on her bed.
Well, she came to my bed, so it's in our bed like the queen bid. So then I'm like, oh, fuck, I gotta have to deal with this. Take the kids a daycare. Come back.
It's like a murder scene literally, dude.
Literally. It's also it's like in a position where it could almost be like period blood as well blood. Yeah, so I call this guy.
Could be hemorrhoid blood.
No, s cool. This guy coming is like a steam cleaner.
That's wait a minute, this off the bed, not the sheets. So it's gone through the sheets onto the bed there, like just get new sheets, dude. But then you just just remember.
It's soaked into the mattress. Oh and the mattress that we've got is only about two years old. It's a really great mattress.
So you know, I'm going to try and which you want to plug the brand or I don't know what.
I think I got it from Snooze. It's great, it's great, orthopedic, great love that anyway for you. I think we booked it on this website where it's like a third party website where you're just like you book me in a clean up murdercing one hundred and fifty bucks.
Crime scene cleaners.
He rocks up and I was like, one hundred and fifty bucks.
Like I used to be the Bachelor daily mail turner, and they're like, I think I got ripped off.
Oh okay, quite heavily. So he's rocked up, and I'm thinking one hundred and fifty bucks. It's not cheap, you know, but hopefully does a good job. Also, a few times back in the day, Marley had gastro So there's a couple of like weird stains on the mattress. So I'm like, do you know what, He'll clean the whole thing. He comes up and he looks at the mattress and he's looking at the big stain of blood plus a bit of dried gastro from back in the day. And he's like, ooh mate, this is a big job.
This got you with the big job.
This is going to require quite a bit of work to get this all out. So he's like it's not going to be cheap, and I was like, fuck, well, what's going to cost? And he's like, I'll do it for three fifty get out.
I was like, three fifty get out of my house right now. How did the price go up?
Because he's like, I need to use more chemicals and it's going to take me longer.
And I was like, I can just hire that thing yourself.
Bro, When the fuck do I have time to go and hire one of those machines. Busy man over here like, don't tell me you'd fucking hire that yourself. You would never just cover it up and you clip the mattress and you're like.
That's fine, that's a great idea.
He's got a mattress topper. Or it's like can't flip. I can't flip.
That's what they get it then as well, Actually these mattress companies get I was like.
Three hundred bucks and like this caught three hundred goes deal. I'm like fine, And then he's like, but listen, don't tell anyone that it costs three hundred bucks. If anyone asks, it was one hundred and fifty still, and I was like, oh my god, you get out of my house. I had to pay him one hundred and fifty and then one hundred and fifty to the company, and I was like, but it was I was just I wanted it clean. I was like, I'll do whatever it takes.
You have been absolutely taken for a ride.
Mate.
That absolute stitch up. That was like the guy who the delivery guy, who was like, I thought this was the ground.
Floor for anyone wondering. I got a bit of furniture delivered. There was one set of stairs and he said the delivery instructions said it was ground floor. Hmm, one set of stairs. He tried to He's like, give me cash and I'll deliver it up the stairs.
So that guy do people look at me? Do you know who's most upset about this? That guy? Because you didn't pay him. I said no to him, I paid this other and you pay this other guy who just flat out I said to you, good to don't you should ring the company and go?
I was going to go, but I promised him I wouldn't be a snitch. I wasn't.
Yeah, don't be a snitch.
No, he was like he literally like eight times he was like, don't tell anyone, and.
I won't tell anyone about the big pool of blood.
Hey, it's good to know that if I do have a murder someone, this guy's guy cash the big job.
Do you know what? Actually, I just want to go back to the mattress top. I think, Yeah, mattress companies have worked it out. This is where my brain goes. Okay, they never used to have the mattress topper. So he used to be able to flip your mattress. It would last longer. Now they put a mattress topper on us.
Motherfuckers.
Now you've got to replace that bad boy all the time.
So now I'm sleeping in dry blood and can also.
You know what, mattress companies, if you listening, put it on both sides.
Also, he fucking didn't get the blood out. It was clean, and then it's like soaked back up. There's souch blood in there. So I'm like, oh my god, stop picking your nose.
So there's still blood in there. Bringing back up and go bro, I promise not to tell people that you charge me this much.
I don't want that criminal back in my house.
He's probably thinking, I don't want to be back in that criminals. Let's go into our favorite segment, which is back this week, which is.
Tell me loud, tell me all right, you've got some lies for me, ash I do. I've got off the back, off.
The back of the holiday that I had that I used one effective one. I've been caught out on hit me first one flew with Jetstar.
Actually wasn't too bad this person I've heard.
Look, I do a Jet Star story. I probably could have told you on this episode, but I'll say I'll save it for the next time we have a flight. And I've got a bad flight story. But anyway I did, it's not the story where I saw that person's iPad. That's a different story.
Twelve.
I was the most spiteful moment in my life, and I enjoyed it so much. Anyway, So one line, sugget started do this announcement. After they do so the safety thing and they do the bloone the whistle exit, he exits. Here they go, if you see any unacceptable behavior, please report it to one of the staff or one of the crew. And I was like, did you hear that? To Oscar? And he was like what happened? What I was like, they just said if I see any unacceptable behavior,
I have to report you to the crew. And it was what I was like, do you know what they do? They throw you off? And he was just like, holy shit, it's just like no. So that one worked really well before he forgot and he just was like but he was actually really well behaved. Maybe because he was terrified for his life. He works, man. I was as soon.
It was funny because I really hope that person who complained about us disciplining putting Macy in the corner is not listening to They'll be like flipping out.
Worry about it, man, I don't worry about it. Don't tell me how to parent, man. Don't come at me with any feedback because I'm not listening.
Sometimes you need to instill the fear of death for your child to behave only think that works.
The best thing about it was I was like, I have my head on the seat in front like that because I was thinking to myself, how am I going to get through this six hour fly with these fucking kids, and then they went any unacceptable behavior, and I went, this is an opportunity for me to lie to my children. Anyway, kids, you're getting thrown.
Off the plane. I love it. Why what's your second one?
So that leads into immigration. You know, when you come back into Sydney, the immigration Look, we're very strict. Great love that whatever.
Also, no poultry, no meat, no plants.
No, that's that's not immigration, that's customs.
Very different now, but I'm gonna I'm gonna call you up and say you have to declare.
Yeah, you have to declare. But like immigration is to come back into the country. Then you go to that next case where they look at that and they go, you've got nothing to clear. So I and everything.
I've been on an overseas trip. I've been here looking up to make okay, so I, I guess, but out of the loop when it comes.
To Also, when you go through that customs thing and they're like there's all these different lanes and there's one lane, Lane eight in Sydney. You're like, give me lane, ate, gimme lane because that's just exit.
No, you can't get lay because you got kids.
No, No, they're like lane eight. I was like, see your boot. It got a suitcase full of food. Anyway, So we were in immigration, which is where you go they check your passport where you've in standing.
Yeah, look, I am familiar with.
Just checking. We're in line, and it was like, what nine thirty at night. Kids have been on an airplane all day. So anyway, they're a bit raggedy, bit ratty, ready to just go home. They haven't slept, and there's all those security looking guys walking around. And I was like to Oscar, I'm like, if they see you misbehaving, they won't let you back into the country. And he's like, what do you mean. I said me, Mommy and Macey get to go home, and you have to stay here.
And like when you're looking down, you know where there's the two counters and there's the alleyway and then there's the security guard immigration guy at the end. I'm like, see that guy. You don't want to go that guy.
And the guy was like, good, he's in on it. He was in on it.
He's like I've seen this before. And I was like, see that guy down there, you'll stay here, and he was like no, it's just so tired too, and like just like my backfight a little bit.
What Oscar is going to be petrified and flying. He's like, I don't want to go on the plane because I'll get thrown off. I don't want to get through immigration because they won't let me back in.
And then where it backfired is.
He's a luggage conveyor belt if you in the plane.
Back on the plane back to Bali. I know that's right, he had a I gave him something to just play with, just like the visa sleep from Indonesia where they give you that visa and he's like, what's this on? Like, it's an Indonesian visa, so it's still valid, so they'll send you back. But then where it backfired for me is that Macy got loose in the immigration line, which is not good because you're in your belted off and
she's small. She's taken off under the belts. She's gone and April has taken off and she's got a backpack on, and you know those belts they're like seat belts. Gets caught on the backpack. She's taken the seat belt with her. At nine o'clock at night, she's gone through immigration, the seat belt snap back and hit some old lady and she's got.
Like this anyway, going to say the security guard does he come in?
No? No, So Macy's ran through the thing, and April was just legging it after her with it, you know, like leaving a trail of destruction behind her as people like what the fuck's going on? And she comes back, everything's calm down. We've got through immigration. And Oscar was like, how come Macy was allowed back in?
I was like, damn it.
Anyway, they are my two lives for this week.
Okay, I reckon we do We're going to do one, one.
Of the ones where you just come up on the spot and you're like, this is the best opportunity for me to line to my kids. Anyway, Let's do some questions.
Let's do one. Let's do one question. We do one. Oh yeah, we've been gas bagging for too long.
I was money around here. I've got to get back to work.
This is from Sam has written in on two Dotting Dads and he says, I have a ten month old. When she wakes up in the morning, I do everything to prolong her staying as slow. If I bring it into our bed, she babbles, she hits, she climbs all over us. What are your tips for keeping your children asleep in the morning for longer or is it a lost cause?
Ten months is a bit of a lost cause.
It is.
If they're breastfeeding, you can always try the boob.
Back on the boob and they'll go back to sleep.
But like a lot of the time, if you put them into bed, like they're saying, they think it's a fucking game, depending on what they're like in terms of like sleep schedule, I guess, or how they sleep routine, right, so you can try and repeat the routine like they're like, Oh, but sometimes dude, like ten months, there's nothing you can do.
Yeah, Well, even now with Lola, she's like two and a half and if she wakes up, she wakes up around in the window between like four thirty onwards. I know, I'm fucked. I know it's it's a nightmare. The chances of going back to sleep are like next to like the slim. Yeah, if we bring it into our bed, she's like, what's everybody up? Yeah? She wants to party? Yeah, yeah, I think I sometimes do and I shouldn't do it because we've like weaned her off the bottle and bottle
is like crack for her. Sometimes, if I'm really struggling, if I had a late night, I'll give her some milk, some warm milk milk, and I hope that that knocks her out. Yeah, I know, it really works.
Rarely works. Look, I wish, Sam, I wish I had the right answer, but I don't.
Firstly, you're asking the wrong people.
Maybe let's just professional help. No, I look from experience ten months, you'll like up and adam big boy. Yeah, stuck and ask and wait for the next nap.
Laura and I will take it in turns like she has the kids one morning, I have the kids in another morning. The only thing that we sometimes also do, which is a bad habit, because you're going to say that, yeah, ba, if we're really battling, we will just give Lola our phone with YouTube kids on.
Yeah. Well look that's my kids have got YouTube kid as soon as they wake up.
But then the issue with that is that sometimes she'll wake up and she has the like she knows that she can almost taste the YouTube kids. So sometimes she'll wake up at four o'clock and she's.
Like YouTube kids, like ring that shit in here, just ringing a bell.
Literally, that's that's It's like it's a double edged sword, right.
Yeah. But even even if I don't like, our kids jump on the phone with their milk or whatever in the morning every morning. So like whether I'm going back to seven buyers us an hour to do shit if they do wake up a little bit earlier. So I'm not against it.
I like it.
What time your kids wake up at the moment they're on Barley time, so like mid day usually like six o'clock, we'll time you put into bed seven Okay, yeah good.
I feel like that's like the standard hours standard.
That's pretty standard kid kid hours.
Sometimes it doesn't always work. You put them down at eight and they'll sleep until seven.
Oh never happened.
Never happened.
I wake up before Yeah, ship, motherfucker. We're up everybody, all right, that's it.
That's it. Hey, have you enjoyed this episode? We would love it. If we haven't had that many reviews lately, and that breaks my heart.
I like the one that we got there was one star and all the words was no. I'm always like that's.
Thanks. I guess I'll take anything, but we would love a review ideally five stars share this episode with any other parents out there, anyone else who just needs a little giggle, maybe someone who may be going to Balley on holiday and some traveling need some travel advice from it.
They want to take me back with them and I'll be your nannie. Yeah, if you would trust me with your children.
Until then, we will speak to you next week. No, actually I lie because we have a bonus episode with Anthony Field Anthony Blue Wiggle.
I was like, who the fuck is Anthony Field Anthony Wiggle last time legally wigged.
We'll have to see to that, Anthony Field Wiggle.
I'll pick up the forms necessary forms on the way to that interview so we can get that changed.
I think the season of the next week potentially a year, who knows, who knows before the end of the month to be nine correct, correct, So that's coming up. But until then, we'll seat you next time and.
Good bye.
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on gadigal Land.