Is it just me or do you get the absolute sudden urge to call everyone boss whenever you go overseas?
No nod. I don't know if you remember calling me last night, and I could just hear it being like thanks boss, thanks boss us. Welcome back to two doting dads.
I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Baliash.
And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the.
Bad, and the relatable.
And this won't come as any surprise to anyone unless you're a new listener. But on this episode, all episodes, we will not be giving any type of advice whatsoever.
Well, let me hold you there. Today might be a little bit different, Matt. I might have some advice. Matthew, I have traveled to Balley. I am currently out of the country, and one gribe I've got is trying to find a decent froth because there's only one local beer here which will go unnamed, that I do not like. And there's only one mother's milk or nectar, and that is, of course Stonewood.
That's right, the one and only stone on Wood. And this morning, Ash, it doesn't feel quite right the fact that I'm drinking one and you're not physically in front of me like I feel. I feel like I'm having toast with vegimite and no butter. Still that, Yeah, of course you would. I don't know if this is going to make your mouth water, but here it is, Ash, this is the hinterland, hazy pale ale.
Just hold it up so I can see it.
I'm just going to crack it here.
Can you please, please please please?
Oh oh, can you please have a couple for me?
That would be amazing, please, Ash.
On the weekend just gone, I was down the South coast. I was working on the house. I was on the tools all day and it was a very hot day. Ash, I feel like spring is just come. The temperature is just it's hot, it's thick.
Didn't you realize the sentence you just said, Then it's come and it's hot, it's thick.
Those words. That's sexually a new window. It just happens naturally when I talk about stone and wood. But after being on the tools all day, it doesn't happen often. I I'm normally exhausted from writing emails nine to five, but after having a shovel in hand and then putting the shovel down grasping a can of stone and wood and having that sweet, sweet sip that nectar. It is absolutely delicious.
And Laura doesn't mind the old hazy as well, didn't she?
Laura spect she was on the tools also, I did see, and both of us were sitting there afterwards, being like, nothing better after a hard day's work than a stone and wood.
I'm very jealous because it's very hot here and I would love nothing them more.
And for those of you who are not in Bali and here in Australia, the Stonywood Hinterland Hazy Pallel is available at any good bottle shop and pouring on tap and any good or delicious bar and restaurant. If you're struggling to find it or sample it, just jump on the stony Wood website and order a carton to your door. Ash. I don't know if they delivered to Bali.
They should just go to Stonywood dot com dot au.
Of course, yes, you're in Bali. Where do we start? Where do we start?
With Bali? Let's begin.
As all parents know, traveling with your children is a nightmare. Look, there is twelve parents, twelve kids right now.
That is fucking crazy. By the way.
Yeah, it's a logistical nightmare.
But April is, as you know, an executive assistant. She has done an amazing job organizing this, so let's just start with that. I usually shit on my wife.
I'll give a.
Kudos on this one because everyone is having a really good time.
Is she the ringleader? Is she in charge? Who's like top dog?
You look at him, bro, you're looking at him.
I don't believe it.
Nah, I'm I'm the bottom.
Bet you're the epitome of rocking up. Being like, so, what time's boarding are we will fly to?
It is exactly what happened. That's exactly what happened.
I had had in my head that we were flying at like eleven am, so ape and I had the night before.
She was like, Okay, well we've got to leave at six and I'm like, fuck, you.
Want to leave so early for She's like, we've got to get the kids in the car, got to pack everything in the car, blah blah blah blah blahlah, and you got to get there a couple of hours before.
I'm like, yeah, not five hours before? What are you my dad?
And then she was like no, no, no, dickhead, We're flying at ten. I've told you this five hundred times. I'm like, okay, all right, alright, right, forgive me. I did the classic dad move, which is to put all the bags in the car the night before of an early start, which I think that's brilliant, good until April goes, I need something out of the big I'm talking. It's under surfboards, it's under prams, it's under kids' bags.
You've brought your surfboard, that's right. I forget that you like to bring your surfboard to BALI. I'm trying to wrap my head around that. It's hard enough going with two kids plus prem plus bags, plus then throw a surfboard on top. How are you doing this?
I actually had two surfboards, so I'm a warhorse. And so April needed something out of the big bag, which is the anchor bag. And I got everything out of the car at six am in the morning, only for her to realize that she hadn't put the toiletry bag in the big bag anyway. Ah, it was sitting on the kitchen bench waiting to be packed. So of course I'm a peak annoyed about this. I've stacked the car back up I've got the kids in that've traveled really really well to the airport.
No dramas.
Can I just ask you something and not to hone in and focus too much on the flight. I feel like I'm very flight focused right now. I'm like a moth and the flame is the flight. I'm just saying, let me in. I want some where. Did you guys sit? What was your configuration? Because you've got four of you.
Yeah, so it was a two four to two and we were in the four packed flight, full to the brand, very full fight. Yeah, kids everywhere, and like I said, they traveled really well to get there. But then the dumb thing is when you travel with other families, is the excitement of kids getting to an airport because I don't understand that you've got to wait, you stand in line, you've got to go through security. They're going absolutely fucking mental in the airport terminal, like trying to round, like
trying to herd cattle. Ah, so far, that was the worst part, I would say, because they're also excited. But also the good thing was we weren't all sitting together on the plane, which I think is a top tip from me.
Why they can't see their friends, so they're not like like loo.
So for the first couple, I was on the plane four two four, perfect, put the kids in the middle, parent on the outside. Those kids sat really well for about two hours.
The flights so long? What is it six and a half hours?
Yeah, you feel like it's longer. On the way there.
Did we take a detour or something quick? Stop off in Darwin?
Yeah? The Captain's like, do we say Tokyo or Baralik? Fuck?
Two hours? They traveled really well. Then they started to get a bit restless, as they do, and that's fair.
I'm not going to sit here and every parent out there that travels with toddler's nose, you can't expect them to sit there for six and a half hours and not make a peep.
So of course they want to get up.
And walking up up and down the aisles, go and see their friend. You know, that's an hour or so up and down.
But it was kind of nice.
Because all of my kids went saw their friends, and April and I just had four seats vessels for about an hour.
It was great.
But what you just let them lose on the plane.
Every now and then one kid would walk past, give away kicking, but also also kept for getting where we sat.
So he's like at the front of the plane in business class.
He's flying the plane.
I even was like, maybe I can upgrade me to business.
Did you look at prices?
I was in the check in line and I was like, just double check.
Could you imagine April if you're like, hey, I guess he got an upgrade, mate.
I think that's instant divorce, isn't it. I think that's one of the worst things you could do to your significant other.
But yeah, they traveled really well.
We got here at a good time. We got here it like mid afternoon, but of course it takes forever to get from the airport to wherever you're staying because the traffic's so bad. Logistically getting kids everything into a car.
I've seen videos and it barly looks absolutely turbo these days.
It's so so busy.
It's always been busy because the roads are small and there's just there's you know, there's like scooters, there's cars. Cars are a nightmare getting around as well. It's just like bumping a bump.
But everywhere you add like as much to your trip with a car, for sure.
I would almost say triple.
Wow.
Just to manage expectations of anyone who's going to Bali, it's triple triple.
In a car, it's triple. Yeah, it's triple.
It is school holidays too, quadruple it. Yeah, just chuck an extra time. It is very busy. Everything's really packed. We got in Middavo, got the kids. They hadn't slept the whole time, haven't rest the whole time. They were wide up, they were delirious. They were running a mark in the hallway. One of the girls hit one of the young girls, she's three. She was so worked up she then fell asleep sitting up and then had a night terror while sitting there, like so you.
Can imagine her sitting there and then all of a sudden going.
Honestly, the poor thing she was, she was traumatized by it, but it was fucking hilarious for me.
If it's my kid, I'm like, oh, you're good. But I was just like hysterically laughing.
Bless and Yeah.
The next day woke up beautiful day Bali.
And of course our family trip is all the about family, all about the kids.
I condone that for most of the part.
We spent the day by the pool and it just happened to be my NURL Grand final day. Yes, we as a group collectively thought what we'll do. We'll spend the day at the pool. Let the kids have a good rest in the middle of the day so that they can stay up late. We could go watch the game, we can have dinner, we can do something for the adults, but the kids can come along later, so we're not completely ditching them with babysitterzen sex on night one and.
I think that's fair.
Barley's not very kid appropriate at pubs anyway, but they're a bit more accommodating these days because more families are coming here, right, and we make the short five hundred meters walk, which five hundred meter walk in Barley for a bunch of kids is like walking across the Sahara.
Desert quadrivele it.
That was a nightmare to get there. And they're at capacity. Sorry, we can't let anyone else in. We're full at capacity. This is bang on kickoff, by the way, no contingency plan, of course. I forgot that Bali is pretty much a state of Australia.
Yeah, it's hard, it's hard to call it. I remember going to the state of origin. Over in BALI watching it at a pub and there was like no one was really that into it. There was like a few people, Yeah, could be a bit hit on miss.
And we think what do we do next?
And instead of being able to do something for us adults, we unfortunately the only place that we could fit in was and I'm not sure if you're familiar with a franchise in Austrait called Cheeky Monkeys. No, it's an indoor play center. So picture this me bit upset. I can't get to the pub to watch the ground final, then being dragged by a bunch of because they kids spotted it. They spotted the monkey, and it's a big monkey out the front of this place.
And I was like, oh, look, let's go in. Maybe they've got a TV. Went in.
They've got no air con, they've got no TV, they've got no beers, and they've got a playground that looks like a prison yard.
But the kids are frothing.
That's a fucking night man.
At this point, I'm human fucking spent the day chasing kids so that we could do this. It's too hot for them to be fully closed, so they're all running around pretty much naked, and.
Then the girl behind the buses, I've got no beers.
What do you have?
Like what she's like, But you can go and get beers and bring them in.
So I went bought like twenty beers and I'm like, drag these beers in. By the time I got back, the guys out there watching the footage on.
A three and a half inch iPhone on.
Delay, who were thirty five minutes behind Heaven, first thought was like, oh thank god, it was noisy as fuck because of the the echoing through this playground. Well, the prison yard is I like to call it the sums up traveling with or even just parenting right, because you're like, have this goal and idea in your mind where you're like, we're gonna do everything right so that we can do something as parents and the kids can still come along, and it ends up.
Just being all about the kids.
Like I'm sitting there in a stinking hot kids playground, staring at a three and a half inch phone, drinking a warm beer from the servo three blocks over.
It's living.
The game finishes, the kids have eaten, We're like, you know what, there's a rooftop.
Bar back at our hotel, so let's go back there.
Just the kids are wide up. It's like nine o'clock at night now they're charging.
Hang on, doesn't that mean that it's eleven o'clock like Sydney time on night one? Fuck, these kids must be off their.
Head, off their head.
We went up to this rooftop bar and one of the dads had checked it out and said, look, it's there's no fences. Really, there's seats up against the edge and you can literally you'll fall off under the roof and roll down the roof and.
The on the road.
So we are perfect.
Let's just go up and have a look at the twenty four of it.
The look on the bartender's face when we walked in with twenty four people. They nearly fucking jumped off the roof. And the kids were at this point really hopped up on. They've been at a playground all day. They're all sunburnt, they're all on eating lollies, eating whatever they can get their hands on. I've completely taken over the dance floor of this rooftop bar.
We've cleared the place out. People have left.
The best thing about was we all had free cocktail vouchers, so the whole thing.
Was completely free.
I just call that.
Apparently this place every day you get too free cocktail delicious. So we're all up there at this point where the kids are flying high, we're all we're all pretty tanked. And then we go all right, well, let's go back to bath time and.
All the can can?
I ask you? Are you going to tell me your entire trip from start to finish our by hour?
No? Sorry, let me oh, I just wanted to paint the picture. The picture is painted, okay, yeah, cool, So we went back. We did you know what I'm like? Once I get on a tangent, we get back to bedtime.
We woke up. I had cereal for breakfast, alongside two eggs which were scrambled. I sat at seat number forty two, which is the back left hand corner of the restaurant. Following that, I had a coffee.
I think the listeners appreciate my detail.
It feels like we're there in BALI with you every step of the way.
Anyway, let me finish, we get.
Because also I want to get I want to get to your accident as well. We've got to leave time for the accident.
Yeah.
Yeah, the dad's got the green light to kick on after the kids went to bed, right.
Did they get the green light or was there? Was there never like an option for there to be any other light color but green.
No other options.
Yeah, so we we we kick on to what we assumed was a little sports bar after that that turned out to be a nightclub.
So you can imagine six old heads in there.
It felt like I was at schoolies, so I was essentially at schoolies anyway, So it was all well and good, and then we left pretty late, like two o'clock in the morning. One of the guys that were with got lost and then attempted to be abducted. He also got offered a really shaky hand job down the back alley of some bar, but of course he was just trying to get home, spewed up in the lift and then got alcohol poisoning.
That's not one, that was just one.
One of the other guys I was with also got lost, but he got lost in the hotel and at two thirty in the morning, he knocked on every single door of the hotel to find his room. Every and I'm talking four or five stories, twenty five rooms a story, and thankfully he got halfway through to a friend's room on my level because he's on the top level. He got halfway through and my mate opened the door and was like, the fuck the fuck are you doing. He was like, I'm trying to find my room, and he
was like, I know where your room is. So by this stage he'd knocked on like thirty forty rooms.
I mean, I like his logic. He's like, do you know what, I'm just kinda I'm going to knuckle down. I'm going to get it done.
You have no shoes on it.
So it was a rough night because we woke up the next day. I've gone down for breakfast at about eight o'clock. You know, me ice stick on the beers. I'm a big guy.
I think I had one Margie and then so I was a bit dusty. I was a bit rough. And then I got downstairs and one of the wise goes.
Oh, we've had to we've had to order the doctors in because one of the boys got ethanol poisoned.
So we're all sitting around.
No, is it one of those things where people just get People just get really like hungover, and I was poisoned. I was I had my drink spiked it like, no, you just had like eighty four cocktails and fourteen beers and you haven't slept.
He was to be fair, he was smashing the Long Island ice teas and so we're all day one and.
Like it leads me to the question, Matt of day one.
Everyone always has a blowout on day one of a holiday, right, Huh? Is that is that fair? Tosday? Well? How my questions? I want to know what your what your what you would do?
How would you make it up to your significant other if you were to have a massive blowout not show face the next day because you've drank too much, You've had to call the er nurse in to essentially hook you be line you up to a drip to stop you from profusely vomiting petrol all over a hotel room.
How do you make up for that?
I would take her out to the nicest Barlinese rooftop sports bar without a fence possible, and treat herd of one of the Long Island ized tea's. I don't know, I don't know if we've got time ash for your accidents story?
Oh no, sorry, let's.
Tell the story, because I have been worried, sick, since you've been gone, Because you know, Barli is a place where accidents happen. We all know that you know, and not to say that I don't have all faith in your abilities as an adult to look after yourself. I just know that sometimes you can be a little bit accident prone. All I was thinking to myself, he's with April. He's going to be okay because April will look after him. But you sent me a voice message last night which
it made me very nervous. I don't don't know if you remember saying these things, but have a listen to this.
I tried to do a double backflip off the Mississippi diving board and got halfway through the second flip, and I.
Think, I think, I think I need to go to the hospital. But I'll wait.
I will wait until the inflammation goes down before I decide whether.
To go to the hospital end or not.
Have you have you gone to hospital or not? Have you seek professional medical attention?
I walked it off, as they say.
There's nothing there's nothing better than walking off a spinal injuries.
I just slapped really hard.
What did you do?
We went to a day a day club by the name of Mississippi.
Those of you have seen it online. It's quite it's quite photogenic. That's how I say.
It's in Bali, and it's got a diving platform.
It's got three a very big.
A one, a two meter and a five meter I believe, I believe it's five meters, which you might not think is very high, but your ceilings only like two meters two and a half minut's double that which I am quite well known for bridge jumping as a child and as a teenager. That's all we did in twet because there's nothing else to do that and get pregnant, and of course I have had to do a signature backflip of mine, which is just a single backflip, legs straight, perfect narrative.
It went down well because sometimes you know, there's when there's a diving platform in the background. At these types of places, a lot of people around. You can't help but be drawn to an individual who's up there, especially when people know that like, well, he's facing the other way, he's about to do some type of a flip. Here did like did you come out up out of the water and to rounds of applause, what was it like?
Look, there was a kid there doing like triple backflips and stuff. So mine wasn't.
I fucking hate that, I fucking.
I know, really show.
But my excuse was I was like, bro, I have ninety five kilo dad.
Two kids. A single backflip is fucking impressive.
Okay, Hey, I love, I love. Just you told me last night that April said she'd give you a blowjob if you did it. Have a backflip.
Blowjob. Unreceived.
And of course, then of course my mates as you, as good mates to encourage you. Other than you, Matt, You're the only one who'd be like, don't do it, bro.
I'm all for the flips. I'm all for the flips. I've got plenty of Yeah, big flip guy.
You're big clip guy.
Yeah.
Let me show you exactly how that went down, Matthew.
I think what you will notice in that video.
One form, my form is outstanding. But second of all is the sound of a thud hitting the water, the surface of the water, followed by a collective groan of the whole day club going.
Fuck, that was good. That was good. That was that was a grade backslap material. I'm just glad you're okay.
When I was midway through that flip, my thought process went to Matt's gonna love this. I was like, and then I put on the bravest phase because in that video the two people at the front of my two mates who have egged me on to do it, and they've watched the whole thing unfolded front row seeds and
they're like, you're all right, Brian. I was like, and I remember putting myself back underwater, going had some painkillers, slept it off, and now I've got the mother of all bruises because that all of the blood cells have come to the surface of the skin.
And I walked downstairs with my shirt on, and one of the boys.
Was like, did you get stung by a jellyfish?
But I lived. I lived to tell another, to tell another tale.
You make me blooding over sash in weeks sincerely apologized for making you worried.
Dad.
I'm going to message April and be like, keep them on a tight leash. For God's sakes.
It's the dad instinct of you to worry about me, and I appreciate that because no one else fucking cares anyway.
Matt, let me let me steguay into you because you worried about me this whole time.
Oh no, let's wrap it up, Ash.
No, sorry, sorry, that's very selfish of me.
A little insight into what you'd be like as a lover.
Very good.
A quick update on the Runda, because Ash, I know that. I'm sure that's been at your the forefront of your mind for the last few days.
I'm really enjoying the content coming out of it. The girls look like they love it. They do like it.
They do like it. We were down there recently, had a little weekend trip down there. The drive down it's a bit of a long drive. It's three hours from Sydney down to Aladalla. We left in the afternoon, Ash, and normally it's pretty painless. We left late, so we didn't get in until like nine o'clock in the evening, so pretty late. The girls already sleep in the back
of the car. You know, I was pretty exhausted. Not to sound like a hero, but I did that drive myself, start to finish a little stopover midway through.
That's pretty good, Thank you.
I appreciate that. We get to our accommodation. Girls are asleep. Nana is also asleep in the back of the car. As well. Laura's almost there. We get the girls inside to two bedroom little place, so Nana's got one room, Laura and I have the other room with the girls. We're all like in the one bed. We get Marley and Lola. They're not in the pajamas at this stage. We just put them inside on the bed. We go back to the car to get the suitcase and the
pajamas and nappy. Lola's in a nappy. We come back in. Lola's half awake and Thella looks at us and goes, I just had a little accident, and we're like, We're like, okay, that's it's annoying. It's annoying because she's very good. She rarely has accidents. We kind of pull back the sheet and she's done the biggest piss imaginable. She's just it's like someone's got a two lead carton and just like poured it out on the bed and she's there going starry phipsy.
It's now a woman bed.
And you don't want to get annoyed. Obviously it's an accident, you know, that's fine. At the same time, you don't want to make it into a big because I just want to I just want to get you dressed and put you down back to sleep, and then you know, get a bit of rest myself. So we're like, that's okay, we get her ready. The thing was ash, which worked in my favor. I'm always on the left side. If you're like looking at the bed, at the bed head, I'm on the left side. Lola pissed on the right side.
Oh beautiful.
I was like, sorry, babe, we can. We can swamp if you want.
With a full intention that you don't want to.
Laura had to sleep and piss so night one, I was like, oh god.
That is a real I know it's an accident and you can't. You can't get up before it.
You want to. You're like, god damn it. But you're like, oh, what a way to start a trip.
Haven't slept in the bed at all, and she's already pissed in it.
It's a fucking nightmare. But then I'm popped into min to ten and I got myself some steel cap boots and then they gave me like a Minor ten trade trade shirt and I rocked up on site. All the guys I'd like a brand new shovel, like still had the sticker on. It had these brand new boots, like not a mark on them, and they're all like, oh you are You're looking pretty squeaky clean. And I was like, hello, fellas, my fellow tradesman.
Surely you shucked on the trading boys. Oh gosh.
All they did was just take one look at me.
I'm with Mike, who is an actual trading and you were putting stuff on your story and I was like, look look at young Matthew here apprentice, first year apprentice, clean shovel.
Mike was like, fucking, it looks pretty good.
It looks the part you did you rub some dirt on yourself or something before you.
Got Yeah, I literally went into like I kind of like where the tat was and the soil underneath the taps. It was a bit muddy, and I like rubbed the bit of wall paint, rubbed it all over myself. And then I kind of just I changed, you know, after a few hours of being on the tools, it just I felt like another tradesman came on side. He was dropping something off, and I just I felt accepted. And
then and then we went and got Laura. Laura and I got lunch, because you know, I was like, had this mud rubbed all over me and these big steelcup boots, and Laura was like, oh, do you want to just get changed quickly for lunch? And I was like, nah, nah, I'll go down like this. And so I'm walking around ala dalla looking for other trades to be like, here you going. I didn't take off that outfit and the boots for the whole weekend start to finish.
That is exactly what I expected from you.
Too, dude. I woke up the next morning and my poor hands that normally they're only having to endure like twenty emails written a day, and all of a sudden they're like lifting pits of wood and moving bricks from like A to b and they were so sore. Dude, it felt like my hands been on over by a car achy And also because steel boot caps are so heavy, my little ankles. The next day, I was so sore.
If a real trade is shooting into this chat now, pathetic.
I don't know if you can see the scratches.
Oh yeah, oh look at that.
You look at that. I had this high pressure cleaner. There's like four parts to it. It's like you've got the hose, you've got the like the like the gun handle at the end, and then you got the unit. The instruction manual is like, we're not going to give you the instructions for how to connect it because it's literally just like one goes into two, two goes into three, three goes into four.
You're good, it's obvious. Yeah.
I couldn't. I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure it out. And Laura was like, Hey, let's let's hurry up and let's gurnie this area here because we want to get back to the kids because Nana had the kids. Ye, hurry up and get it done. And I was trying to figure out how to do it.
GURNI is the final trading test when you finish your four year apprenticeship.
They're like, all right, now put this together.
You're I couldn't do it, and she goes, just ask one of the boys for help, and I'm like, I'm not fucking asking one of the guys here for help, Like I can do this. She gave me about twenty minutes and then was like and I was like, can you go ask him for help? I had to like hide behind a bush as Laura had to get the guys that helps it up the gurney. But then as we're about to leave, this is the last day, we had to go back on site just check one last thing.
And I don't know if you saw ash on Laura's socials, but we now have a new pet down in Ala Dallah.
What is it?
So as we're leaving in the branches above the house, this is in the front courtyard. There's a two meter diamond python.
It's fucking massive, it's big.
Laura was going, we need to get it, get it out of here, and I was like, no, Like it's in a tree. It's just chilling, and I don't want to like disturb it. And I go, they kill the road, and so yeah, that's what everyone says.
And the and.
Yet young children apparently they love cats. So Raspberry can't come down. But Laura's screaming. As I'm inside, She's like, mad, come here. I run outside and she's like, get it. And it was then like just about to pop over into the gutter the corner of the roof, and I was like, fuck, I'm not too worried about it, because I'm like, you get you get snakes and roofs all the time. But at the same time, it's it's half finished and there's lots of like nooks and crannies for
it to be in. I'm trying to get it with a shovel, but I also it's a fucking snake, dude. I don't want to like attack the snake. The snake is now inside the roof, so the tail is just hanging out the gutter. I like try and grab the tail, but I can't reach it. Snake's inside, and we end up calling a snake catcher and he's like, yeah, you guys, that's like there's no way. You can't really set like a trap. You can't bait snakes. It's just going to
come out by its own free will. And we sit in the video and we're like, it looks like it's eating something. So I'm guessing it has a bit of a bulge and it's belly, and he goes, no, that's because the bulge is so far back towards the tail. That's that's a pregnant snake. That's its babies. So he reckons that coming into someone this is when they give births. So the snake is now in our roof. It's now going to lay its eggs in the roof most likely, and raise it's young in the house.
Dope, you charging rent.
I'm not worried.
I don't like no what I will say.
And I've got experience in this field, believe it or not.
I used to be a snake handler. No, no, you didn't. No no.
We used to have a diamond python in the roof of my parents' house as a child, and it lived there for years and.
It kept all the roadents away. Brilliant, not a problem.
And then one night Dad was going to the bathroom, and he went to the bathroom and he came back and he thought what was on the banister was a towel to wipe his hand dry.
His hands turned out to be a snake.
So he's gone to grab the snake, and the things like lunched at him in the middle of the.
How the fuck did he get a talent a snake mixed up?
It was dark and it was wrapped, it was like over that it was sitting that looked like it was just draped over there. Cheeky bugger. And then I get this. I wasn't living there at the time because I'd moved out. I got this video of Dad at two o'clock in the morning, butt naked because dad.
Loves to sleep naked.
It for some fucking reason with a dog cage trying to lure this snaked and apparently it's the only time it ever came in the house.
And it's because one of the windows was left open.
That's what I am about.
They'll keep the roads, but I think a family of snakes might be a bit march. Yeah, but Matt, let's treat our listeners to one of their favorite segments, which is parenting b Tell Me Loud, Tell Me love.
Ash. We got this video submitted from one of our lovely listeners, Jess, who are sent it in so I'll get to watch this one right now.
Could I have some of your watermelon?
No, my water mamm a bit spify, so you're going to eat.
It is not spicy? Oh my god.
They're onto it when they start using our weapons.
Against us, because it means we need to up our game.
Minke keeps using a li on me at the moment where literally I asked her not to do something, she does it and then she's like, oh, sorry, I thought you said eat the chocolate and I'm like, no, you didn't, and she's like, I just I got confused. I couldn't quite hear what you said. And I'm like, Marley, you fucking heard me. And she's like, yeah, no, just fine. So it doesn't the.
Other thing, but he's like, I'm like, did you just lie to me?
He's like, what's that? Like, you're a fucking idiot. Very also very clever, Like if you don't, he's probably under the assumption if he doesn't know what it is, know what a lie is, then he can't get in trouble.
How could it be guilty?
Yeah, I've got one for you, Matt that I used personally. Sorry to make this all about me again, please, but I wanted to share this one with you because I thought it had a little I'd nearly got caught out, but I built on the lie and got away with it. So just paint you a quick picture. We've traveled all day to Bali. We've got here, it's five o'clock. Kids haven't rested, and we get here and the kids see the pool straight away full of kids, full of people and Oscar's and look, we're exhausted.
We traveled all day.
If it was midday whatever, fine, but it's five o'clock in the afternoon, and I've said to Oscar, I've said, I'm sorry, buddy, the pools closed. I know you can see people in there, but they're just not accepting any new swimmers in the pool.
Very good, very good, very bummed out.
He was very bummed out. You can see all these kids having a really, really good time. I also noticed that they were setting up a projector screen at the pool for a dusk movie. Okay, And I've come up.
To the room.
Our room overlooks the slide in the pool, like legit right there. And Oscar's like.
There's all kids having fun.
Anyway, I've shut the curtains and I've said we're gonna have some dinner.
The pools closed. I told you that.
And as I've put them started to put them to sleep, the movie kicks off.
And it surfs up. The movie.
Oh great films, great film. The screen is right outside my door. They've got two speakers the size of people on top of these two sticks, projecting directly into my room. And Oscar was like, I can hear. I can hear a movie. And I was like, oh yeah, Bud, you had to buy tickets for that.
Anyway.
I cranked up the white noise and shut the curtain.
And the pork. Yeah, and the pork. He went to sleep, missed out surfs up.
I reckon, You've you've got one more year of being able to bend the truth that much. He's going to start catching on.
Oh yeah, yeah, And honestly, I was just thinking on my feet, and that's what good parenting is, thinking on your phone to adapt.
Yes.
Hey, Normally at this point of the episode, we would do listen to questions. However, on this particular episode because it's so special, the fact that one of us is overseas and BALI must be very nice Ashton Wicks, we're going to rest questions. We're going to do them next week.
I know people going to be really upset, but that's my fault.
I take responsibility for wasting all of our time.
Actually, next week, ash you are going to enjoy your holiday to its fullest. We're going to do an episode with Laura Burns. She will be the ash Wicks Oohm.
Is there an opportunity for me to dial in at some point?
Yes, as long as you're not enjoying the fine drinks of the long holand iced teas of BALI, I don't know if we have time for that one hour in and you're like, and then we had dinner. The hard thing about dinner, there's twenty four of us.
What's the deal with dinner?
Hey, just quickly ash before we go. I had a lovely interaction driving back. We stopped in at Little RSL in Wollongong and a lady was like, oh my gosh, it's you. And we don't often get this in public. It rarely happens, so it's very flattering when it does happen.
Stacy said, I was just telling my husband about the podcast and she always it's helped me so much because I just got out of hospital and I was like, oh no, she's currently going through chemo, and she said, I just want to say thanks so much for giving me just a little bit of fun and laughter at the time of my life where I've been feeling pretty low. So Stacy, I'm going to assume you listening to this episode, but we're thinking of you know, you got a huge
battle on your hands. We're stoked that we can offer you just a little bit of help. So all of us here, two dating dads, we're thinking of.
Your Yeah, Stacy all the best with treatment and hopefully you bounce back quickly and hopefully maybe one day we can come down for a beer at that RSL, Matt, and it's a great RSL.
The fig Tree, great, great establishment, and Ash. We are where you're itching towards one hundred episodes. I think we're at ninety three, maybe ninety four, maybe ninety six, I've lost count, but we are in the nineties. We will do something very special for hundreds. We're planning it at the moment, So just stay tuned, keep an eye out on our socials and also to the episodes because the announcement is coming soon, something very special.
Listeners very excited. And I love it when you bring me news like that.
Love it. I love it, love it, love it.
If you've enjoyed this episode, please jump on leave us a review.
Five stars would be great if you could.
Do that, Write us a little message, write us a little message.
We love that.
And if you want to get in touch of course, Matt, where do they do that?
Oh? I was like, they can't do it on an email Hello at two Doting Dands dot com or on Instagram two Doting Dads. There's TikTok on the website Two Doating Dads dot Com, Facebook and Facebook group.
I'm going to jump on today just so you know, and jump on today. Give a little life update for me.
Maybe picture the kids having a good time and see if anyone's got any cool Barley recommendations.
While I'm please be safe the love of God, just come back home in one piece.
Ash. Yeah, look, I promise from here on out, I'll do my best.
You're making me nervous. Enjoy your holiday, mate, We'll chat to you soon, all right.
See guys bye? Do you know what it reminds me of that movie The Castle and His Dad? I dug a hole.
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all.
Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land