#95 Breakups, Balloon Fights And Bum Wipes

There are certain people, Ash, that you don't see for a while, and then you see them and you go, shit, I'm getting on, getting on, I'm getting old.

They're getting old, everyone's getting old.

I saw technically, as soon as you're born, you're getting old. True, I'm not going to as soon as you're born, you're dying. Jeez, very deep.

I saw Sarah Michelle Geller and what's her husband called? And they were looking old, like retirement home old. No, yeah, I mean they're still in love, still married.

But I was like with age.

I was like, I was like, good on them, Good on them, Hollywood, surviving them, got no other options. Welcome back to two Odding Dads. I am Maddie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast that is all about parenting. It is the good, the bad, and the relatable.

And if you've come for advice, chokes on you. Are you a good I'm fine, joke's on you. Choke you.

Because we don't give it, Ash, I do I have to ask you something? Wondering if we have just a bit of time up us sleeve for a quick little drink.

You know we do quick little beer if you will, what about a Byron Bay in a Bottle.

There he is. It's back, baby, here he is. Cheers, Hey, Talla. Like a vacation to Byron Bay.

My next trip with the family really very close to Byron Bay, Tweed Coast.

Sweet Coast. Baby.

Do you know why I booked it? So I can and go closer to where this bad boy is made.

I see and my parents.

Inspired by Stonewood's home on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, they brew this golden hazy Pacific out with all those Australian bali and guess what they've.

Got, Matt Galaxy hops from Tazzy that.

Gives its big tropical fruit aromas flavors, and of course it's refreshing taste ash.

That's why they call it Byron Bay in a Bottle Delicious.

Yes, ask for a refreshing Pacific out at your local bottle shop, pub or bar. And of course I'd love to thank Stonewood for making this episode possible.

Cheers my friend, Cheers buddy. All right, what do you got for me?

The sickness continues. I've been trying to avoid you, actually.

Not me, though I've been I'm just maybe I'm gonna carry a pigeon. I don't know, and more so because I speak to you about four times during the day and I learn I actually have to apologize. The last few times you've called, I've been like, what is it and you're like, I'm just driving, we'restling hello, and I'm like, if it's business, let's talk, it's not.

See you later, so fucking rude.

Well you just you're cool. I don't want to I don't want to push you away. I just want to riff. I want to riff. That's what this podcast is for.

Yeah, I know that you're given all the riff and there's certain things that I can't bring to the table here.

This is an absolute safe place. You can say anything here and not me, not a listener, no one is going to judge you.

You're all going to regret that you don't want to know. It's deep down I've.

Been pushing you away, but I only do that so we come closer together on the podcast.

No, I don't like it. Sorry, you stop it immediately.

You have more illnesses.

Yes, afternoon, Oscar did a little spew and I thought, Fuck, that's weird. Food's meant to go in your mouth, not come out of it.

Ah, I'm not doctor.

I don't know doctor, but that's not right, April, do you know what it was? He took himself off to the toilet too to spew up, which is beautiful, hey, credit credit to But then April still yelled out to me like as like like I've got to come help.

It's like what am I going to help with? Not a too man job?

Like I want to stay it.

Oh oh and then again last night wait, so he spewed it in the toilet.

Yeah, fine, clean, like a clean snap. Shadow didn't even have to wipe his mouth. Shout out to Oscar, that is great.

Yeah, it was like I don't know what he been. He'd been at poppers so obviously.

And then what's Papa given him here?

Like like, what did you eat a poppers?

He was like, nothing too bad, just Lamington's and copcake? How many?

Four packets?

One point two five lit a bottle of coke and a cup of ice.

Yeah, it was like bregon and red cordial in there somewhere because it was a bit red. Anyway, he was fine, let's hope it's not blood, No, it's.

Bitterally flew over blood and.

Then he he spewed up again about nine o'clock A double spewed.

This one was in the bed, his bed.

Oh, so wrapped it up and then he went through yellow for getting on the sheets.

Yeah, I made him wash him my hands one kidding, kidding, kidding, kid, child labor.

Is not a joke.

It's really funny though. And then we were like, oh, we'll put him in our room. Like, he's not going to my bed. I was fucking spilled up. So we're like, we'll try and put his mattress into it. You put him outside. Yeah, sorry, this is not a joke. Canep me serious for once? And then I was like, the mattress isn't going to fit in our room?

Where'd you put? You know?

I think you've got one here, one of those fold out little couches.

It was a foam cout fifteen dollar ones from came.

I just folded that out, put it on the floor next to it.

It's like a full five centimeters of.

He slept right through to six o'clock, didn't wake up. Yeah, brilliant. I honestly made it super cozy because he.

Was like, why can't I come into bed? The dogs up there too, You're to get I was like that they're coming for me.

I was nearly going to get stay on the counsel. I can't get sick. I can't cannot do it anyway.

We're good. But dog this morning he just want he was energetic doing lego. He's great. Wonder what it was.

He must have just eaten too much of something at Popa's house. I remember I drank too much red Cordial at my NaN's house once and I spewed up everywhere, and then afterwards I was like.

I'm back, how much red corder? Was too much red Cordial?

None of your business?

That's me here? You going, yeah, good, thank you, very well, very well. I'm trying to figure out where.

I should start my stories from. Look, I'll I'll tell you what just happened, what just happened.

You won't tell me over the phone. I might as well tell me. He can he lose that attitude? Not needed, Okay, isn't it. You know what Marley said this morning, She's like, you know and Mommy don't love each other. And I was like, why would you say that? He's like you guys, well, you argue a lot. I was like, oh, go on to us.

So last night I had to send a very awkward email. Oh, and it was one that I'd been putting off.

For a while. You're kicking someone out of dance class. Were you on the same level.

I think this is one of the most as a parent, one of the hardest things you have to do. I sent an email last night that I've been putting off for at least two weeks, and it was an email to break up with my daycare.

We the same one Andrew John's goes to. Well he's gone now, so that's why I'm leaving. He's gone. We're all going to the mutiney a on why Marley's going to be school.

So Marley's heading off to Kinny next year. So Marley's wrapping up there and we are still the daycare that we used to be at when we lived over in Bronti.

So just it's a long I'm going to justify this.

It's about I worked out the math ash and it's about about an hour return trip. It takes me so let me you know, it doesn't It sounds like a lot. When I say it to Laura, She's like, you're an idiot. Doesn't take that long, And I'm like, it does. It's fifteen minutes there, right, fifteen minutes there.

Thirty minutes to get my coffee. It's it takes me about twenty I don't know how long it takes you. People laps up down Bondo bees quick PERV did that once.

It takes about twenty minutes to get them out of the car into daycare, do the drop off back in the car. If there's no parking, so you got to like park the keke at a walk. Sometimes you have to do a couple of loops to try and get a pass.

Check the hazards on these days, bro just leaving.

No dude, they have they know it's opposite to school, and they have parking inspectors every second day, every second day.

I can't give just a fucking breaks. Parents are break they are there like it's the amount of rain drover is getting fines in bundas unbelievable.

So you've gotta get a park So then by the time I drive home fifteen minutes, it's been essentially it's been a day I've been that's a day job.

I have to park, I have to pack supplies in the car.

I'm going to be going for at least by the time I get home I'm going to pick the kids back up.

It's a long journey. It's a nightmare.

So I've got them in a daycare that's down the road from where we currently live. And also it's where my sister takes her kid. Yes, so now we can share the drop off.

I know who's going to be doing the drop off from the beg ho here on now my sister, especially with half hours Marley's new school from this walking distance.

Ah, that's the dream. It's great. Where similar conundrum.

At the moment because we were in Warriorwood, went to two kindys at the each end of the street.

Right, perfect, Now I'm like a ten minute drive away. Yeah, I saw you doing off the other day. I was like, ash, like how far is it?

Well, even to the point last night we're driving home and sometimes a bit of a late one yesterday, but Lola will fall asleep in the drive home.

It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. So I've made the decision.

It was a big, big call because I remember last time we changed that daycare, it was like the change of routine.

Fuck, it was a nightmare.

New people, new teachers. She's going with the going with the other family.

With my niece and they're the same days as well, so it's just going to work out perfectly. But then I so I sent them my last night, partly because my sister was like to Lola, hey, you must be so excited, like we're going to be on at the same daycare.

And Lola was like, am I you.

Just thought about ghosting them and start doing anymore?

They still charge me they got my bank detail.

Yeah, it was much better.

I would rather pay the money to avoid the order. Now it's going to happen. Now you're going to bump into someone from that s like telling works.

I haven't seen your kid in a while.

But that was this morning, dude, oh shop.

I sent the email, the break up email last night, being like just confirming because because Lola was also kind of telling other people I was getting pard or that she was telling everyone that she's wrapping up.

Yeah, And so then I was like, well, I know I've got to come in. You've got to come clean, and I've come clean. And then this morning on drop off, the director, who was lovely.

Can I just say you have to say that she's really nice.

She was up in Lola's room waiting for she was waiting for you. I was like I was like, hey, how are you and she's like good, and I was.

Like, got your email last night?

She didn't, and she was like looking at me and going what are you doing? And why are you sweating? Sorry? I didn't mean to It's not you.

It's me, and she didn't know what I was talking about. And then I just was like, we're not coming back, threw the bag down of it, can't, got in the car and drove off.

Well how much notice you have to give it? I've never quit an Oh yeah, I was to one d something.

Little plenty of notice. We're not wrapping up until end of December. But it's weird because since since Lola was like eight months dude, she's now three, she's been going she's gone it. They so, why would you do that?

I spent more time with my child?

Are you more yeah they have? Are you more upset from Lola? Or are you like this kindergarten needs my business?

No? They're doing fine. Great, they got like the waitlisters. What about those people to do family day cares? What's that? That's fucking weird? What's that? We're like, oh, well, one person takes twelve kids. Yeah, and then like they rotate, rotate.

So if youve got like five close friends and five moms and dads.

Or dads and dads or mums and moms to be inclosed, if that was me, I just put the TV on for the full day.

I would Yeah, that'd be me. I have a big I have a really big you know, mouse, and I'd just be like, get in everyone, we get them all. I'd just get a group of treadmills and those like stickless attached to your head that has a snack on the end of it, and they'd.

Be like, snack be ash. How was my son today? And you're like, oh, yeah, great day, Yeah.

Great day. He's clocked up fifteen k's that's nothing.

Band aid has been ripped off. I do feel better, but it's emotional. It's emotional because you know, it's such a big part of my life.

I don't know. If Lola's you didn't go there, I'd be like, I've been going there every day. She's had the same teacher.

Oh, same teacher for like, you know, almost two and a half years. It's hard for me, dude, Okay, it's hard for me.

Yeah, I must be. But it's the right thing to do.

It is few in terms of driving an hour there and back.

Thank you.

Also, while someone Lola, I don't know, Macy's still in nappies, isn't she?

Yeah?

She still like she takes hers off, does a we in the party? Now, that's about it.

So she's progressing on her own terms. That does not surprise me. Is that a dig at my parenting? That was a dig at Macy. She does what she wants.

She does.

She doesn't answer to anybody.

I know.

Lola is now at a stage I can't even remember how we taught Marley to wipe herround bump. We still do like nine percent of the wiping. But Lola is now like I'll do it.

It's like, this is my responsibility. I've got this.

And she is terrible at wiping her ownd bump. She'll just she just what she does.

Ash and chicks, ship, heaps what baby girls like?

Yeah? Girls poo Well, I've got a boy and her girl, so I know it's because Oscar doesn't eat.

That's true. There is no Macy is you know you've seen Macy's fecal She ships once a month. It's like things like fucking leg of a chair. It's fucking huge.

Is listening to this right now?

Are going that's wrong, there's no science or actually, can we look that up? So, jess, our producers just said that women have slower bowel movements so they pooh less.

So there you go in ants why they're bigger?

You said, I don't want to get in this argument. I don't want to stoop to your level. Stoop on down, baby, Okay, sorry, So Lola's I think her arms they're too short. You I menationed a dinosaur Tronto wipers.

But it's kind of it's like Lola, she can't she can't quite get like in there, like to wipe her bum. So what she does is she just gets heaps of toilet paper, right, just gets shitloads of it.

This is how Lola wipes her bumb. She then just like wedges it between her cheeks and then so she's got like hanging out a bum and then she waits here for about thirty seconds. Then she's like and then she pulls it out like it's absorbing it. Yeah yeah, and then puts it in the toilet.

If I come in and I go, can I just can I just check? She's like, what for I'm good, you're back. And sometimes if I try and take it out of her backside whilst it's there for that thirty second period, she's like, what are you doing?

Hasn't fully absorbed yet, I'm not, and I'm trying to I try to explain to her, now, you've got to got to wipe.

Yeah, it doesn't it's not like a paper towel. Just soak your shit into it.

She's got paper towels and taller baby completely mixed up. Yeah, easy mistake to make, but she can't. I'm trying to want to say to her, just wait till your arms grow a bit longer and then you can wipe your own bumm.

It's very difficult. I didn't have this problem with Marley.

Yeah, I'm trying to think, like I think I just said to Oscar, if you don't wipe your bum and I've got to do it, then you've got to wipe my bum I remember that. Remember worked? So now he's in As far as I know, I don't even check it anymore. Probably's walking around out there stinging like shit. This morning.

I have no idea what was going on.

He still he's doing well, but yeah, it's I don't know, what do you do? Like why I suppose, like.

Well, whenever Lolog disappears, she doesn't tell us when she doesn't tell us when she does a shit anymore. So we've got to now try and catch her before she comes and to act. Yeah, she comes out, her hands smell like shit. She still her backside smells like shit. And then there's normally just it's just ship everywhere.

Yeah, I'm not looking forward to Macie because Macy she just takes off to the to the party and then I like look down the hallway and she's sitting there and she's like, what are you doing? So happy, so content, but like not even sometimes you just bring the poty out and put it in front of the TV and just sit down and just love. It's not a seat mate, I've got a situation. I love that that I would love to run by. It didn't happen to me, It

I don't know, five, no, six, no? Seven?

Yeah, wow, veteran, it's nearly finished. Sorry that's a joke.

Sorry, bub, but that's a couple of jokes. She hates that I use it.

And one of them is that where it's like, yeah, marriage is only the last like ten years like.

Oversect me one.

The other one is where I'm a divorcee's dream because I've had a sect to me.

I mean, I can understand why she wouldn't like these jokes.

I know, I know, Sorry, Bobe.

So there's April situation. So every Thursday and Friday at down the local library they do I think called Rhyme.

Time Love Rhyme Time. I've mentioned it before. It's great. It's a free it's a free initiative by the local council.

Usually on this particular day, April went to ram time with Macy.

She can go on her own, because that'd be weird.

She went with and Macy had a.

Balloon with her. Oh, took the.

Balloome with her. Anyway, they're at time and Macy's placed the balloon down and gone off to do rhyme Time and then do coloring in And in the time that Macy's gone, a little boy has seen the balloon come over and to inspect said balloon because he's now interested in the balloon.

That the kids love a balloon, they do love a balloon.

April's thought, he's playing with this balloon, and the mom was there and like it's just like, yeah, that's fine.

Macy's off doing her own thing.

And Ryan time's wrapping up, and the mom tries to get the balloon off the little boy, and.

April goes.

April looks at Macy and Macy's still doing her own thing and goes, look, she's sort of forgot that exists. Now he can have that balloon, he can have it. Yeah, so you can have the balloon. Macey's not forgot it even existed. And then and then once we've April's made that call, right, Macy can't and she was like, where's where's my balloon? The balloons, you know, and she's getting more and more agitated to where the balloon is?

Where the fuck is my balloon.

The mom of the other kid has pretended to ignore the cries of Macy and then be lined for the door with the kid and the balloon, so that her kids not the one having the meltdown. Macy's having a meltdown, and this woman bee lined to the door out and gone, I.

Don't blame her, I don't blame her. So she has to be right to do that. She's been given the balloon, has been given the balloon. She's like, I don't want this yelling kid of rual my rimetime, billy.

Let's go as an adult and you see a kid, especially little girl, about to cry starting to well up, if you will, I will, then surely you'll be like, look, it's fine. Look I know you try to do the right thing for my kid.

No, she's just being respectful to the wishes of April, which was to get rid of the balloon.

Maybe sarcasm is killing me, give us an honest opinion.

I mean, I.

Think it's I don't know the exact wording of how April communicated the giving of the balloon, I do think, I think. I mean, did she say he can have a play with it, or was she like, take this balloon and run.

No, I think it was like, he can have it. He's really interesting. I don't want him to have her.

I mean, she was thinking of the mum, but then the mum was not thinking. The mums weren't on the same page.

No, she's gone.

But April said it was so obvious that she saw what was happening with Macy and quickly ushered her son out of there so that it was him to not get the have the melt.

Did April stop her, did she say, hey, give us back the balloon?

Aprils like, I didn't know what to do. I honestly didn't know what to do. He had to comfort Macy while she had a huge meltdown in a library over this balloon.

God way to ruined rhyme time. Totally.

But as the parent, you've got to like, there's so many times we've been at the park and there's been something that another kid's you know, it's caught eye of and you're kind of like, I know it's all right, like my one's occupied by the swing, but you know that, like that balloon belongs to Macy.

Oh, totally. I would never.

I would have been like, but I don't know what I've been like if the kid's right in front of you, this poor kid, and he's holding the balloon.

We don't know how much that kid likes balloons though, well obviously really like this one a lot. It'd be like if I gave you Laura I was, I was going to say, it's kind of like a Power Ranger situation. There's only one Pink Power Ranger, but there's a Red Power Ranger and all the other boy power Rangers that are different colors. This reminds me of a childhood story where it was like.

The Pink Power Ranger used to actually be a boy, but only it's like the Red Power Ranger saying to the blue Power Ranger you can date the Pink Power Ranger.

Now, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. I don't know where powerings go. It just reminded me of a story.

It was like when we were in preschool when we played Power Rangers, there would be one girl that we really liked, and she would be the Pink Power Ranger and we would share her throughout the week.

Not as nothing gross.

No, I think, okay, look, if you're that parent who's walked out, who's ushered their child out as quickly as they could, that's bad.

Come on.

They could have all rectified it together, where it could have been like, hey, Macy, this little boy, is he okay to keep playing with your balloon?

And she probably would have been like.

Yeah, because she's sweet like that, but not like oh fuck, let's.

Get out of here quick, grab her by the collar, run out the door.

Literally. Yeah, yeah, I think she drove off. I think Frank was even there. Frank was there, and when after I think he went after her. No, he went after her, but he's we're talking. He's got a bad hip, so he didn't quite make it.

Anyway. I just thought it'd be worth seeing what you think.

Yeah, I think did Masie? Did she get another follow up balloon? Or is she still balloonless?

We got home and we had to blow up another point, I think, Kevin thank but she cried it the way home. Apparently, poor thing, whole thing.

It's a lot to go through. It's a balloon get over. But yeah, that's my that's April's shocking behavior. Shocking behavior by a fellow parents. And if she's listening, shame on you. Shame my god, shame to you and your family and your child. I wish nothing but bad luck for you and your family forever. Also, I wonder how many balloons she's stolen. Get home and she's like to the pile from the news. Very good, Hey, quick little update on the renault. Quick little update on the renou.

And this is just this is me offering advice to anyone else out there who may be barking on a renner themselves.

Don't do it.

It's an awful, awful experience. It's like running a marathon. During it, you're like, this is fucking hell.

Doing okay, people doing Renolds. It's a weird mix between telling people how fucking shit it is and with a subtle brag Yeah, right, I'm an experienced renovator. I've done it before. I would never do it again. You're in the mix of it, like, oh, it's a fucking nightmare, isn't that. You should see our bathroom though at the front, or you just be like, oh, it's fuck. It's the nightmare though, But we got cabinets to go the way to the ceiling.

There is like there's such a hierarchy thing. It's like being parents.

You know, when you speak to a parent who's got each old that's younger than yours, and you're like, oh, I'm more dominant because i've I know more. Yeah, it's like someone who's just starting the Renault process were we're like kind of you know, only two months in with someone who's starting, I'm like, oh, like I.

Remember when I was that naive even done blamed you.

Yeah, you're like, fuck why would you, you know, like you really test your relationship.

But have you seen our kitchen bench?

What color pol you got? So I made a mistake. Okay, I made a mistake. Ash We're getting a new kitchen, say.

It must be nice.

Yeah, I'm in my fucking seventies kitchen at home. You're like, I'm getting another kitchen. No, we're not getting a new one, another one.

So we're renovating the kitchen, new cabinet, tree, and new new stone.

You can where's the stone from? Tell us?

Tell us where the stone? It's from the heartland of Greece. It's a fucking name getting stone, but mine's from Greece.

Oh well, I'll tell you this really quickly. Tell you really quickly.

There's one type of stone, okay, it's called taj Mahal, right, and it's from Brazil. It's like the most common stone, right. And I was thinking to myself like wow, made like the mines must be huge right in Brazil to extract this type of stone that's sold all around the world. It's the most popular stone pretty much, the taj Mahal beautiful stone. And I said to the sales rep. I was like, wow, I wonder like, when do they know

They kill all the people that mind it. But I was like again, but I was like, regenerate, like.

Grow, I'm pretty sure it takes thousands of years for stone.

Yeah, I'm not an archaeologist, but and me and Laura both like do we I don't think that's how it works. But we didn't want to be those people. We're not those people that you've caught the salesman in a lie. I didn't want to. I didn't want to pull her up, Okay, so I bought it anyway.

So Laura and I we've known for ages how much stone we need. You can't get the builder to get the stone for you, but then you've got to pay the margin on top. So a cheaper way to do it is they tell you how much stone you need, You buy a slab, a couple of slabs. You go the warehouse you pick your stone, you save fifteen percent mark.

Up for your to doers running around, right, but it's just one trip. I was just one trip.

One trip that was a plan, and then well the two hundred conversations you get to complain and brag to your friends about this piece of stone.

So for weeks Laura and I like because the warehouse heads get the stone from it's an hour away, and Laura like, fuck, don't have time this week.

We do it next week? To it next right next door to kindy? Is it is follow through? Drake?

Thank you like that?

So finally on Friday, just gone, Laura and I were like, we're going to go. We're going to drive out to the warehouse. We know where we're going, we know what we want, we know how many slabs, let's lock it in. And also the builders like, how I really need those slabs?

Changed?

No, Well, as we're driving out there, drop the kids off of Kindy, you're driving out down. I go to Laura, I'm like, hey, did you like book in with the warehouse?

Like do you have to?

And she goes, I didn't book in? Did you book it? I didn't book in?

So for some people, again, who are embarking on renow journey. Some of these places you need to book in. You can't just rock up. We forgot to book in. We're fifteen minutes away. We call them up and they're like, we're packed back to back, so we can't fit you in.

Can't imagine that argument in the car. Oh my god, Oh my god.

And then the person was loving and they were like, look, if you're fifteen minutes away, just just come and if we have like a spare moment, we can quickly show you around.

So Laura and I are like yelling at each other in the car.

I know that yelling is continuing as we like walk in and we didn't realize because it's a massive warehouse everything that goes. We opened the door and there's like a reception desk right there, and Laura and I are like, well, you told me that you've got to book it and the thing is fine, and then they're like, welcome. It's weird if you're not arguing.

Yeah, if you're not arguing about it, then.

Anyway, it turns out. Ash turns out the stone that we want is no longer available.

It's sold out, and now they're regenerating.

It and they are in the process of moving warehouses and they have another warehouse. It's into state. They only do one trip into state deliveries every three months.

Oh my god, here it is the subtle complaint. Kill me, hinto bragging that I'm getting a stone.

For my house? Kill me? So we are anyway. It's a fucking nightmare. But it's a beautiful It's Italian and in the depths of Rome. You've got to see the marbling. It was under the Vatican directly blow it. But it's a fucking nightmare. So very good. So you have to make sure your pain is very enjoying.

I know you're just sitting there fucking ejaculating over yourself. Sorry, so we haven't yet got the stone. It's it's turning out to be a little bit of an issue.

But don't worry. Been a nice polish concrete. What's wrong with that? I could rather drink my own piss polish concert.

This is right.

You're not gonna have a kitchen bench top, are you?

Anyway? Does it off about bragging about stone and marble? Why do you get gold?

Sold out? Let's do some lies. Let's do some lies. Tell me loved, tell me little this is a bit of a strange concept.

I tried to rope oscar in on a line okay, would benefit me and him. Yep, So recently took him. I went with another friend and his kid to the last Manly home game.

Did you give him a beer? Did he get drunk?

No? Okay, okay, let's not assume that I'm just going to solicit under age drinking. Oscar is five. The other boys five kids at a four and under are free. We're in the car and we both me and the other parent, responsible parent. We say to the kids, all right, kids, you are four.

Which is is hard because kids are very proud of their age.

Yeah.

Was like no, no, no, no, no, no, me five, me, five, me, this many. I worked long and hardly at this age. Coming backwards, I.

Was like, okay, well maybe if you want to see the football, you need to be fought. But then once we're in the stadium, you're gonna be sick. And I'm like, both boys, yeah, fuck, we got fair deal.

We got there. Anyway. The whole time in line going through the gate, they're like, we're four, were for wherefore we get in? Plan we get in? They didn't even check we get in Oscar turns around.

He goes, I'm six, just camp brunnon it's my birthday.

But yeah, he was very confused. But that's my life of the week.

Also, I will say to the to the staff working at well, what's the mainly oval the fortress, the fortress, keep an eye on Ash smuggling in kids underage.

I just want to spring in my mates. He's for he's four, he's thirty four. Anyway, he's my eldest as.

I've got one here from Zaki. Shout out to Zaki, jacky, hope you're well.

This one is a bit. It's like a parenting hacky lie. It's a hackey lie.

It's a hackey from Zaki. There he is Zaki a child. That's a's name. Well, Zachary, isn't it No Zachy? I e he says.

The Blue game.

It's like fifty dollars on PlayStation. Okay, very expensive. Get you an outcomic going, get it out. One of the things that I enjoy most about this podcast is watching Ash try and hide as best as he can his yawns.

I'm sorry, it's not that it's boring. I know.

I don't take offense to it at all. You should It's just you can yawn. It's okay, it's a safe place.

I don't know where it is anymore.

Okay, So he says the Blue game. It's fifty bucks on PlayStation, very expensive. YouTube has the whole game like as a walk through video, so he puts it on. He gives the kids a PlayStation remote and they think they're playing the game in realize, Happy kids, zero dollars.

Yes, I do the same thing with Mario Kart. We don't have a Nintendo. I do it with what do you give him as a controller? Just the place station one, isn't it that one?

But also when Oscar is playing a game on the PlayStation here and there, I give Macey a non plugged in controller and just let her think she's playing to.

The kids are dumb. I've got a quick one here. This one is from Sammy. Hey Sammy, Hey Sammy, how are you Zachi? Sammy? Sammy underscore Stephanie. I'm confused this is one or two people? Or do you have two first names? Can we trust her some twins?

Maybe I tell my daughter if she isn't good kind or nice? She repeats her birthday.

I e you'll turn five again. Can you settle down?

That's exactly how I would say to Oscar. That's all I would say.

You do that again, you'll turn five again.

I think it's good. I think it's great. Thank you, Sammy.

I wonder he's afraid of everything. Bro, why you talk to him? Don't be like that. Maybe you're unaware of how scary you really are. Am I scary over there trembling so at times? At times I just starts on Ago, if you give five again? The bell, this one is you. Brim brim Ma Graham definitely a fisherman. Brim Ma Graham got his name wrong. It's never been a good reader from Adelaide.

On holidays to Queensland, our parents used to tell us that we would run out of Queensland dollars.

Very good, very good, very good. Kids. Kids are stupid. It's very dumb. But also sometimes we love him so much. Sometimes Molly's like, I want a horse, and I'm like, where's your money? We can't afford that. She's like, buy it. We can't afford another horse.

The stone would be buying well after we sell off all this stone we got from Egypt.

A couple of questions. My guy, here's a question for you.

Okay, this one was It was on social media, causing quite the stir, quite the stir on social media.

Ashwicks, I love that.

The question is, if you're on a flight, let's say it's domestic, could be international. As a parent, is it okay to change your baby's nappy on the tray table in front of you?

The tray table the table people eat from that. Fuck? No, hell, no, no way, no, absolutely not. What about? What about?

Okay, just imagine this. It's a domestic flight, so there's only one toilet at the back of the plane. You're sitting towards the front. There's just been a bit of drink service. It's a three hour flight, so people all had a little nibble, they've got like a little drink. They all need a shit and piss. So there's a queue to get to the toilet and your child's just got a wee nappy. No shit, change it on the seat. Don't change it on there?

Well you can't because there's someone next to you.

Will you stand up off your seat, you put your kid onto your seat, you change them and then you put them back on your lap.

There's not that much room in the seat, though, I think, surely, surely, well, they're getting to wipe down. The trade table is getting to wipe down between each flight, a little change to support the weight of a child, if it's a newborn.

There's a lot of variables here. I don't mind it.

I'm saying no. I'm saying absolutely not. And if you do, I'm pushing your baby off.

No, no, get up, air down the aisle. Yeah. No, I think the answer is no. I'm not offended by that. I'm not offended by that. In fact, you did it. No, I didn't do it. I didn't do it.

If it's a boy, and then he just starts pissing again, and it's pisses everywhere.

I think it's just too.

Many things can go wrong on hygienic okay, done, hygiene okay, okay.

I think I think, as a parent, just have free reign to do whatever you want. I don't think. No, I don't mind.

It has to be some sort of order in some cases like this one. That's just I'm not standing for it.

I won't have it. What's your question?

You know what you do? You call the attendant and make a big deal, and then you go, I've got to go to the bathroom first, and then you can do a pisce yourself.

I would rather do it at the trade table rather than get like usher to the front of the quy of the toilet.

Nah. Yeah, nah, you're wrong.

Okay, Okay, that's a great disagree with your question.

My question.

What's a tip for a new girl?

Dad?

They don't tell you this guy has four boys and one girl on the way. Five kids. Wow, pull it out, bro, pull it out. What is wrong with you?

Firstly having fun, love sex, loves practicing, but also thanks for your question. Okay, one thing I mean, I think kids are more the same, right, you know. I look at Marley and Lola, They're very different. Marley loves dresses princesses, Lola loves a soccer ball and like hating me.

They're very different.

So I think they have a similar interest. That's the only thing they have in common. But most most brothers and sisters.

Is that necessary?

Yeah?

Necessary? I think if you've got four kids, I am sure that he's got it absolutely dialed. I hope you think the thing is.

With having four, there's always like even we're just having two, there's always one that's cranky with you.

You're always stoushing with always five of them. Nightmare.

But I think I think the hardest part with my girls and something that I wish I was a lot better at.

It's just doing their hair. You're pretty good, though, am I? Well? I can't just put this way. I cannot do Macie's hair at all, like ponytail.

She won't sit still for me. I can't do it. It just gets a mess. I get frustrated.

Can you brush it? I am going to shave her head? Can you brush your hair? Can you brush?

Why not?

You want to let me?

Do you want to do it?

She's just you're too rough. Need to be more gentle. Okay, maybe she gets some leftons, so you reckon that.

The thing they don't tell you the most is how hard to do their hair, especially as it gets longer.

It gets longer, and also so often the kids are like can I have a braid? And I'm like, what does this look like?

Just cut? How long are we got? I think there needs to be there needs to be more lessons in school for young men to learn how to do hair.

Yeah, in the uproar from the boomers, so we gay like yeah, when Macey had hair like this.

But Bob sorry, sorry, Bob a bob cut I apologize.

It was so easy to go bang.

She love to talk now. I'm like, there's two.

Anyway.

But good luck, good luck to you. I'm sure you'll be fine. If you've got your four kids, you must have a dial. Either that or you work a lot of hours. Check.

Thanks for Chris.

Well what are you checking your phone for? Just seeing if Chris Hamsworth sent me a message? Has he been in touch you guys had a nice chat.

No he hasn't.

You guys were growing down at a surfing we were.

We were, and then these pesky kids interrupted because they want a photo.

How are you feeling about that whole? It's pretty nervous. He's quite a handsome big man. Thank you. Must it must be how you feel, you know, walking into a room with me. Yeah, yeah, it was good. It's good.

So for those who don't know what we're talking about, Matt and I hosted a kid's press conference for Transformers one by Paramount Pictures and we got to meet Chris.

Him's worth would have been nice, I'm not gonna lie.

Would have been nice to have a little bit more time with Chris, like a lunch together or something, maybe your dinner sleepover Pillo fi Jess wanted a bit more of him.

If I'm being honest, totally agree.

I think a lot of the listeners who are listening right now would also totally agree.

I thought we were getting along really well. I thought we were.

For anyone wondering when you do those like press junkets, he got like a couple of questions. They're all pre approved, and in the moment we were having a great time and I was laughing, you're laughing, Chris is laughing.

And then we got serve with a couple of years and I'm not sure. I'm confused.

And then they're like your time finishes, now get out and they're like you look over and Chris is gone.

Chris is so longer.

It's like, get these fuckers out of here, and you're getting chicken winged out.

Yeah, but it was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun.

So it is a lot of fun that movie. And I saw it together. We is kid go and see it comes out during the.

Perfect timing, perfect time We've done Chris, yes us, if you're listening, Chriss, call me back. I didn't realize that I was that person with the comment that's me when I'm on my first day with my crush anything he said.

I was like, he was just like April was like it was so funny. And then you did the video about it where you're.

Just like, anyway, very good, anyway, I'll be as cool, coming collected as you can imagine your head. You would be going like pay cool, play cool.

Before we actually started filming, you nearly walked your way on set twice.

Before I asked you.

Remember, she was like, all right, come with me this way.

But you must have heard her.

And then she was talking like right next to me, and you're like, okay, I saw Chris and I just here's like a magnet.

I was just drawn to him. And then she was like no, no, no, around this one stepping over cables. I was kicking over the camera guy.

I was like Chris musket then and then she dragged you back around the other side, and you're like now, and.

Then I didn't anyway the old handshake FI part.

I like it. I didn't know what we were allowed. I didn't know if we're allowed to touch them or not. And then you're not.

Anyway anyway, we laugh, we laugh, laugh, we google course crucive Let's let's get out of here. If you've enjoyed this episode of any episode from Two Doting Dads. For legal reasons, anything we said may not be used against before. No, but you can send it to a friend.

You can, you can, you can definitely supply and subscribe, review, leave a comment please, and if you have any lies, questions, any comments at all, d m us email us hello at two Doting Dads dot com dot are you or on Instagram or the Facebook group.

Join the Facebook group, join the chat, chuck your thoughts in there, comment on other people's misfortune.

That's what I do. And yeah, you're really selling it it Dewey Griffin.

Oh just divocalise here if you don't.

Mind sometime SI look at myself sunshine or a rainy day.

Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land,