#89 Barely Surviving Book Week

An no mountain.

Ha.

Well that's very will feral.

A valil.

Or river wad and very rare.

It that was very good. Yeah, that video that you just got, so I'm going to have to pull you up. You've just got a big old black thing in your teeth. Smile.

That's right there.

I keep going, come on, no nos, smile you're on camera. You want to be looking good?

Holy ship?

Right?

What was that? Come?

Welcome back to two Dading Dads. I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Ash and this is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, it is the bad, and why am I.

Sweating the relatable? It's warm today. It's warm.

If you come, if you've come, if you I just did any advice whatsoever, stop.

Right now, Thank you very much.

You're not going to get it here. It's very warm. It is very warm.

Just got warm. It just was at my singing, little flush.

It is nice singing, very effective. It's serenading. How often do you sing for April early days? Did you ever? Did she come over and you go, oh, what's that look? Good? Tone in the corner? No?

My voice for comedy, really, I have honed it in so it's like you.

Say, you say that, but it's just a little bit, a bit of soul in those give me a song.

What's wrong with you? Honest?

Just a little bit. It's too Sorry you haven't noticed my mustache.

It's coming through. You can grow a good mustache.

I absolutely know I can.

But why is it coming back?

Just thought change the season, change of Look. I'm ready for it, me too, And I thought spring will just be the season of mustaches.

Really.

Also, we're getting closer towards November. Everyone always says you're a lut a good hood still in November.

But you know, ill afterhead start. I have a mustache on twenty four seven, So.

I'm just I'm dabbling with it. Also, Laura, in an attempt to have more sex, I'm going to have the mustache because she really likes it.

She does really like it, She's told me before. Don't blame her anyway. Sorry. Yeah, I'm coming off the back of a weekend in Perth. I have recovered.

I thought you were about to cancel us with what or you're doing like nude stories.

I wasn't nude. I had pants on. I just tucked it nicely.

I was like, fuck, it's happened, It's happened. Lost it twelve months in and then.

Sorry, how was Perth?

What do you think of Perth?

Look, it's a long way. It's a very long way from here. I went in thinking I wasn't there four hour flight. Then I got to the airport and I said five hours and ten minutes.

I was like, oh fuck, who said it was four hours?

I think I just thought it was.

As you do, like, it makes sense if you ask me Perth say, yeah, it's.

About fans about four hours?

Did you raw dogged on the plane or no?

Just watch a bit of TV. I didn't have a single beer on the plane. They're all back look at me, go wow. I know I was tempted, but I was like, oh no, it's a long fly. Then you know, you go back in time when you get there, so it's going to be a long day.

What's a UFC crowd like? For those who haven't been to a UFC event.

They're exactly how you think they're going to be, which is pretty fucking gross. Look rowdy.

There was a lot of like, is it a family friendly environment?

No, there's nothing family friendly about it.

People killing each other in the ring.

Yeah, Look, it was a bit. It was It was good, but like it's not. It can get a bit like April was like I'm trying to find you on TV but we had to turn it off. That was like fair enough. But what I will say is Perth we have a lot of two doing Dad fans and they were like, where's Maddie And I was like, I couldn't make it. Sorry about that, but yeah, quickly shout out to Linda, who works at the RAC Center, who is a day oner. She's from day one, listened to every

We shout out to Linda. Yeah, good on the backbone of this podcast.

You're doing great work.

And also the events industry in Perth, thank you. My old was Linda.

Oh don't I don't really know. She would say she was twenty twenty one. She'll love that, just twenty one. She looked great. But yeah, I went over and the other people said, oh my god, can I get on with it. You just want to know how many people ask? Yeah, four or five different people far, Yeah, that's pretty cool. I went over there with a toothache. The teeth heard me. The karma, Oh, the karma is coming thick and fast, the.

Teeth karma's coast. The pressure of.

That aeroplane, Oh my god, oh.

My yeah, I think it.

It was brutal for like the last just like the last twenty five minutes where you're like descending, you know, they're like, store your trade tables, put your seat back up. Made it hurt, and they're like put your brace yourself for a sore tooth. And then landed and I was fine, But then I had it all weekend and then I got back and another plane trip on the way back really fucking sent it off. So I've had to go from being the guy who gives nothing but dentists shit.

Now you've come running to them for help.

No I know. And they're like, oh it is because I haven't seen a dentist in so long. It's obviously a new dentist. And they were like, you just feel this format here and I was like, this is the trick, and wait for embass my credit card details. The girl on the desk was like, how long has it been since you've seen a dentist? And I was like for ten years. And she was like oh, oh, one of them. And I was like, oh fuck. They're like listed all your problems and I was like this, I've got too many.

Why do they just take it out then and there?

I think because they want to essentially reduce the pain and information and any infection before they actually rip it out. I'm not a dentist. I just took their advice.

You could be you know what you're talking about.

It was like, and look, I'm a little bit like, am we going to be awake? A We're going to be awake with this? He's like, oh yeah, yeah, it's all these dentists list in there, going get him with the pain, get him back. We're not just mouth salesman.

They could be under But he's like, no, I'm of course they did.

Classic mouth salesman tried to sell them with a root canal, oldest trick in the book. If you do a root canal, they can save the tooth.

What's the root canal worth? How much is that?

Oh? It's like five grand? Oh shit, it's like I'll give you a couple of sleeping tablets knock out for sixty five bucks and rip it out of your head. I was like, and then I showed him that golf. I'm like, can you do something like this?

Insurance?

B Do I have insurance? Do you know? Can you get insured? Am I? I told I don't have any I don't have any healthcare. I've got no private health nothing but no insurance. Will I have a handwritten will? What is it to say? Well, I don't have any belongings, so what's the point of it. I have two kids, your surfboards, I'm taking it with me. So anyway, I got a couple of weeks of a sore mouth. So if I started to talk like this, it's because my mouth really hurt.

So when they take the tooth out, will that just be gone? You have a gap in your set of teeth? Are you going to replace it with something.

I don't really have the money to replace it with anything. What would I put in there a brand new can't are you gold tooth?

Yeah? That would be, but then how much is that going to be worth?

I wouldn't get real gold copper copper lead.

You. You came to me with a really unique proposal, which was that when they extract the tooth, they said we welcome guests.

I was like, come film it, record it, see what happens. It could be it could be funny.

I don't know if I want to be in the room.

We could be boring. I'll turn it up a bit.

I'm sure I'll be like, ah, I don't know.

If I don't like blood, I'm for me either. I'm so scared.

Yeah, but hey, if you need me there, not just film content, but just to be there as a bit of reassurance, hold your hand. I'm more than happy to be that person I needed to pick me up. At least. Surely you won't be able to drive home.

No, They're like you can't. I was like, oh, can I go under? They're like yeah, but it's about two hundred times the price. I'm like worth it? Put me under?

Good luck?

Two weeks, two weeks from now, two weeks exactly from now. I'll keep you updates. If it falls out on his own, that'll be fuck, that'd be amazing.

Just do what? Oh myt dude, what's the one Tom Hanks on an island castaway when he gets the ice skating shoe and then he gets a rock and he uses that to get the tooth out?

How did he find an ice skating shoe on an island?

Because he was on a FedEx plane and all the packages would wash up on the beach.

Surely there'd be some cool stuff on there. Well.

I don't want to give away the movie in case people it's not true story of that movie.

No, I fucking made that up.

Sorry. Look, while you were gallivanting around Perth watching grown men wrestle each other in okay and also yeah, doing shits and putting it on stories for those of you who didn't see it, I've saved it.

It's not that bad.

People message me being like it's ash okay.

No.

April messaged me and was like, can you get to Perth save him? And I was like, I'll be there in four hours five. And whilst you were having a great weekend we had the funeral. Oh yes, not to change my annos. It was a beautiful Like it sounds weird to say it was.

A one of those funerals are hard things to say, Like it was good.

It was. It was a a great funeral in that those funerals. Yeah, like everyone spoke really really well. You know, sometimes you have speeches at weddings and there's always one person who just goes on for ages and ages and ages. But those who spoke at at the service, it was beautiful, really really moving. It was kind of hard with the kids. It was a long service, dude, really long.

Was like two hours, Yeah, it was.

It was like almost like almost three hours. Even even the shouldn't laugh, should laugh, but Neil was here, he'd want us to laugh. Neil RP. The second last speaker. They have like an MC similar to a wedding. You know, you have someone who's who's a priest. He wasn't that religious. It wasn't a priest. It was more like he actually he was great. He looked he's like a surfy dude. He looked. I thought he was one of Neil's friends.

I suppose the dead guy can't review him.

I'm sure. I'm sure Neil was. He was no good, but he kind of leant over because we're sitting in the front row, and he's like, I've got a two thirty funeral, so I'm going to have to go soon. Because everything was a lot slower, and you know, speeches dragged out longer than participated, so he's like, I've got I've got another one to go to. I'm like, how many are you doing all weekend? What's the pay for that? That's great?

Are you hiring?

But the kids, the kids were great for like the first two speeches, and we explained them as well. Were totally upfront. We said, you know, this is our opportunity to say goodbye to Neil. My mom told me a story when she was a kid, she went to a funeral and it just burned into her brain that she remembers back then, I think open caskets were a lot more common.

They're not going to wake up, are they?

Well, she thought, like she was just it was such a scary thought, having, you know, at the front of the room, having the coffin there and knowing that the person's in there. The coffin was open for my mom and she's like that. I couldn't sleep at night, and so I was so nervous about like I think I thought you were.

Going to tell me the person actually wasn't dead, and they were like, what are you guys doing it?

It does happen not to us. But I wasn't sure if, like being completely upfront with all the details at the funeral, if I should continue to be upfront and say Neel is in that box, or if I say, yeah, I could just that information is not kind of critical to the whole situation. So I was like, maybe I just removed that it.

Could be like that symbolic of his life or something. Yeahs open no close casket. But I was really nervous about that. I didn't want the girls to think, like, why is he there's a dead body in there.

That's it. That's it. So they didn't ask, which I think was the best thing for it. But maybe, like I think two speeches in the girls were like, well, we're kind of bored now.

And that's fair, like you know, three and five. Yeah, they don't understand the seriousness of it for everyone else that you know, because they would have only known Neil for their short lives. But then they probab don't understand completely.

And even the MC when they were making noise, he was like a kid, like, let them make noise.

You know.

Everyone everybody was in Hawaiian shirts, so it wasn't a subdued everyone in black traditional funeral. But the best thing is, if anyone has any funerals coming up, which I hope they don't, bring in some coloring pencils and coloring in books for the kids. Yeah, like that was such a great move when they were getting restless and just having them sit on the floor and color in.

You could print out pictures of the casket, like color and how you think it should be.

That's Ash's advice, not mine.

Oh, I'm just trying to make use of the whole situation. Do the girls sit there for the whole time?

No, we had to. They colored in for a bit, then they got hungry because you know, it's a long time. So then Laura was consoling her mum. So then I was kind of the person who was We go to the back of the room and then we'd color at the back of the room so they could run around for a bit and then they're like, oh, we're bored here. We went back in. But then also Laura at that point, Laura and Mumber in tears and so then they didn't

Yeah, there's so many winged emotions for them. And kids aren't very good at reading the room, are they.

Yeah.

I think they did well to be there for that long, Like yeah, yeah.

And then someone did message in and say that they told their kids when someone in the family passed away, they said they're in the sky. Now, I think a lot of people use this kind of theory there saying lie that it is a bit of a lie, but saying the stars they're family members who have passed away, So you know Grandma is up in the sky.

That's a lie.

Yeah, it's absolutely lie, but it's nice. It's nice. But we talked about it before. When when it's a cloudy night and the kids are like, ah.

Where's going, Well, I look, condolences to Laura and her family. I mean, it's never easy. I know, like we've spoken about Neil and the whole situation for the last few months.

So yeah, life is sured, life is shured, and joy every second.

Absolutely, That's what I always say.

Ash I know that we always say we never give advice.

We always say that I have.

Some advice, but it's not from me, it's from my mum. So you know it's going to.

Be good, okay, because we never give advice on this podcast.

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To make matters worse, Nash, It is on the worst weeks of the calendar.

Oh yeah, imagine going off the back of a funeral us this week.

I was like, can it get any worse? And then and then WhatsApp chat with some of the other parents from daycare.

They were like, it's book week, gosh, and some parents this is where they thrive. This is where they live. They love this shit. April and not so much.

You know who us thrive? Alisha, Laura's sister, Is that right? Yeah?

Why thrive?

Can I can I just actually, can I show you that what she did?

I did see one thing, but show me, show me what you got. For non parents out there that are listening, book Week is a week in which your kids go to kindy and dress up as their favorite book, not the book itself, the characters. If you went as the book, that'd be funny. But it's a week, it's not a day, and I feel like parents are put under unnecessary pressure to perform. Not me. I just ignore it.

Well, I think we're doing it wrong in Australia.

It shouldn't go on. I'm listening.

It shouldn't be.

They should be book Year, book Day, book Day. It's don't the same ring though Book Day, Book Day is great. The annual that should change your name, the annual Book Day. There we go. Someone petition.

Someone messaged me from the UK and they are really confused. They're like, what the what is this? What's book Week? Why a week? Who made it a week? Why make it more than one day? One day is enough. It's hard enough trying to scrounge together a costume for one day of the year. Why are we doing it for five whole days now? I got.

I got a message from someone in New Zealand. They're like, Australians are suckers?

Who made this decision?

I don't know.

Stop it right now.

I've got a hack for that. Please. You're in that WhatsApp group. It's called what I like to call the costume exchange. So they just rotate. So if you've got five friends, give me out.

Yeah here.

All you do is get one costume each, rotate, rotate to your left every day.

What are some of the costumes on rotation you could.

Have I don't know, Harry mclary because the book week Bluie. You could have everyone just picks one and then you just swap swap it out.

It's very good. We actually kind of did that for the Easter parade we had. It was just a whore of a hat that went the whole hat. It just went around some multiple families. East apparade was on different days and it was a great beautiful Easter hat that we then got at the end. By the end it was looking a bit sad, but yeah, it was just a similar similar concept.

Right, Like I said, the amount of pressure put on to be like, we're very fortunate that we do this for a job, so like we probably have a little bit of time that we can get this shit together. But people were very busy. People work like trainees work like seven toll five. Like moment Mike send his kid just just didn't even bother. It was like, I just none of us have time to do that.

I know I do. Walking in and the difference in kids that were dressed up as they skip into the classroom and they're like, yeah, I'm a princess and I'm Spiderman, and then you see the kid.

Who's like I'm a kid, and it's like, oh fuck. So look, if you're listening, you've got a group of friends, you've got a mother's group, We've got whatever it might be, costume exchange, all them out, all those cushumes out. I know some kids are going to pick up on it. But if they go to different daycares love it, that's beautiful.

Did ask your dress up.

Well, I did put a call out a lot.

Of people, a little learn of people. A lot of people were saying, hey, this is we didn't actually plan it to be.

No, it just worked out.

I mean, genius accident, accidental genius.

I kind of wish we knew we could have played a little bit more on it, you.

Know, we kin't of it was enoughter thought. But book week, I don't know if you guys know this.

We have a kids book, we are authors.

We've mentioned it multiple dance a lot of times.

Here. I was like I'm turning this.

Off now, but everyone kept saying, your kid's going to dress up as a character from the book.

Yeah, you were me great idea because I did put the call out for costume ideas because we're struggling. We were struggling for like what do we do? What do we do? Someone wrote back saying it's the worst week of the year. Amen, Amen to that. That's one. Someone also gave me the repurposing idea. But then I got a lot of people being like, dress oscar up as you, and I was like, we're into that. Yeah. As soon as I was like, hey, would you like to dress like me? I was like, what does that mean.

It's got to work the podcast with Matt.

Do I have to be as depressed as you? Yes, yes you do. So anyway, I dressed him up as me, and I'm going to show you a little photo.

I love that so much.

So we I went down to like the little like two dollars shop, which also shout out to Bins down at Warrywood. They have got a sponsor, not a sponsor, could be. They've got a shitload of costumes down there. Like holy I thought it was one aisle, but eighty percent of their shop is costumes.

I love that.

And so I bought some like stick on tattoos, and I was like, this is gonna take me forever. And I was like, I'll do a few and then I'll get some face paint, draw some lines, honestly, just make it look a lot more. He went to kindy as that there was going to be a break in the day for Oscar because he had an orientation day his new big school, which I do bookwork. I don't know, we'll find out next year.

At a big school.

Yeah, dude, what do they do? Like yard time?

It's huge. Marley went to the local school and they had they had a Book Week parade and it was like the whole entire school was dressed up, the teachers were dressed up.

How could they tell who's who?

And it was music was pumping.

It was like.

There was a huge parade. I was like, I'd go to that.

I'm into it. So yesterday I was Abril took Oscar up to for an orientation day at his new schoolche really has that? Yeah yeah, and then back to Gindy and he had a great day.

Because anything sticky, kid's gonna hate. How do you go?

He made draw one on underneath so that if it does come off, your pulled off, your.

Stick got one a contingency mustache. It's my kid, very very clever, very clever. What was basically like, give me some tats. So she was like, Pisa sticker. Anyway, it is Friday, and hence the end of book week, Matthew, which I am so glad about.

What about you because I had a lot of people say to me, if you're going to dress Oscar up as you? A lot of people actually also say a lot of people that was very good?

Was it not really? Way off? Way off?

Okay? A lot of people like.

Anyone wondering that's Ash doing an impersonation of Donald Trump.

That was my Hillary Clinton. A lot of people like, you should dress Oscar uppers Matt because now we had that joke where you what you got in for his birthday was things that you'd wear shoes, so we can contemplate it, and I was like, don't give this guy anymore.

Well, it was easier for Marley because she's got lots of princess dresses, so it was just like, oh, now she's tinker Bell, and now she's Bell, and now she's Elsa. That was great, changed the color of the Yeah, just another Disney princess. Lola, just typical second child. She didn't didn't want anything to do with being a princess. She was a t rex, which was actually a rhino. She called it a rhino. I was like, that's a t rex and she's like, shut the fuck up, it's a rhino.

I was listening here, dickhead. Sorry.

Then after that she was an astronaut, and then after that she was Penguin, and I was trying all week. I was like, does anybody was just like planning to see does anyone want to dress up as Dad? This guy my book, and Marley was like, what dress up as you and not be a princess?

No?

And I was like, damn it, I thought, Marley, because she likes me more than she likes anyone else.

Who went as an astronaut, someone wins Lola, Okay, very good, Yeah, Buzzler and Lola.

People who listen to the podcast will be familiar with the fact that Lola fucking hates me.

Yeah.

So I was like, Mally's my best bet here, but she's such a princess kind of girl that she like the thought of not wearing a princess dress was like hell. So she was like nah. So Friday, I was like, Lola, how do we feel about dressing up as dad? The good thing was ash Laura's away right now. And the only time when Lola likes me is when she's got absolutely fucking no one, but I'm the only option left, and she's like, all right, I'll be nice to you. So she was like, all right, let's let's see what

That's great.

Yeah, she was punched in me.

So you find out how she's going to be after her.

Because she's like, I'm dressed as my daddy. And I was like, this is what I've been wanting from day dot and I finally have it. Oh it feels good.

Mine was all good, except for one tiny, tiny thing, which kids can be mean. So for example, bust.

Fuck on your bed, buddy, ho man, and I look at the face and the doors.

I'm sorry.

Dog has been under the table the whole time, and he's just dropped his guts.

For a second, I thought it was my breath, and I was like, oh.

God on your bed, Buster, Yeah, you've been it through.

Okay, good boy, buddy.

That is eggy. That is I thought it was more broccoli he has had when the girls that finished the scrambled eggs, he finishes it off.

So that's it.

That's all I apologize.

So Oscar. After after he went as me, I was getting him dressed for bed after bath and we were, of course after Bathball kind of read our book, which is.

A great book, by the way, and he was trying to tell me that some of the kids were laughing at him for going as me, and I was like, oh, like, what did you say?

He said, well, he said, where's the book your dad wrote?

Fucking dropped the mic.

Oh yeah. He was like I felt mean. But then he was like that wire mean, and I was like, I was like, who said that? And he was like Lenny, which is like my mate's one of my best mates kids, and I was like, oh, yeah, I'll get him. I'll get his dad.

It's good I did. That was my fear with Lola because a lot of the kids were dresses, you know, fairies and princesses, and then she's just there dressed is me me?

Dad? Yeah? Everyone's going as a princess. It's nice for them to go with something different. Yeah, they're in the book too, so it's like, as much as I could have just gone to themselves, Yeah, there's live hack.

As much as I hate book Week, it was a perfect way round off the week. Yeah, very self indulgent, but hey, I'm an needy guy. Hey I haven't you. I don't want to call it a segment because I don't know if it's going to Actually I've got a couple, so it was going to run for at least two, maybe three episodes. I don't have a song. Unfortunately, did you see a song?

Okay?

Can you sing for me? Parenting Hack or fuck that?

In what melody?

Like an Elvis kind of vibe?

No?

No, oh okay, maybe we'll scrap that. We'll come back to you.

Okay, I'm going to send you a video. Right. Someone has put this on social media, and not that I ever want to tear down another parent ash because hey, if it works for them and it keeps them happy and their kids happy, amazing, fantastic. Who am I to judge? But at the same time, I'm going to judge, And you know, sometimes you go to the commons, and you're like, I hope people agree with me in thinking that this is a terrible idea, but this is their parenting hack, right this one.

Watch it away, all right? So you don't want to shoot on these people.

Well no, I know them, don't know them. We shouldn't shit on them. But at the same time we will. We're not going to say who they are. That makes me feel physically ill. Why would you do that any Okay, let me explain.

Let me explain what I've just watched. And it was very in I get it.

Beautiful music, beautiful music, but that's really dialing into that innocence there.

Okay, it's a video and it says you know, people do those videos where it's like, this is your sign. This is signed to change your hair color. Yeah, something constructive. Sure, this is a sign to wake your kids up after bedtime for a surprise movie sleepover in the living room. Wow, my god, can you imagine wake in loll her up after she's just fallen asleep, going surprise, We're gonna watch the Disney Princesses. Be like, fuck, what world is that

Don you just look at the comments.

I've gone to the point of suffocating myself. If I had to call kids someone who said I would never with love, I don't understand.

And hey, if their kids like it, what have you got for me?

Let me know how you feel about it tomorrow. That is a terrible, a bad idea.

I want to know, Okay, I want to know. Surely, surely he's baiting people by saying that got to be that that's a bait video, right, I mean hook line.

Let's sleeping kids, lie they need this sleep. If they're older kids, sure, and you're like and they're like, hey, dad, my favorite football team's playing at like three am tonight because it's in England. Can you wake me up? Done? Hang a minute, let's gashlight your kids into thinking they're going to have a full night sleep and then wake them up after an hour and be like, surprise, you need to fulfill my needs. Now, this is my needs. There is because they don't need that. I can watch

I love your aide right now. It's exactly what I wanted to. Thank you.

That's okay, that is a terrible, terrible hack.

Should we do live?

This is wise?

Tell me loud, tell me little line?

Can I just start with one that I've sort of merged into two that I've been using with Oscar.

I thought you'd never asked.

So he's been picking his nose a lot eating it. I caught immediate.

Yes, yeah, Morley loves it.

Love it is tasty.

Did you ever eat just quickly? Did you ever pick your nose and eat it?

Oh? Yeah you did. Everyone did at some point. I remember as a kid, I save space.

Yeah no. I remember in primary school looking at other kids eating their boogers and everyone's like this so delicious, And I remember thinking, okay.

Wait till you try your ear wax.

I remember trying it going I want to see what all the fuss is about, not into.

It depends what you got up there, my friend, Oh, what's it like?

Salty delicious?

Like tasting yourself. That's disgusting. So yeah, he's been picking his nose and also he's he's been like avoiding to wash his hands. I'm like, go and wash your hands. Like he thinks that I'm dumb first of all, so he'll go it's not far off. It was about him, not me, And he was I know when he's pooping because he's in there and the door's open, dummy. And then I'm like, hmm, didn't hear it flash? And I didn't hear a hand. I'm like, do you wash your hands?

We always like to hero the creative lies, just like very simple. If you think you know, you're a fucking loser.

At first I started saying, if you don't wash your hands, they'll fall off and here webbly like, but then I'll never have to wash my hands because they won't have any. Also, don't fart. Yeah, that was the one I've been doing with Oscar and well, let you off works.

It doesn't stink that. Oh, come on, you've smelt worse. Okay, this one is one that's not been submitted and it's one that I saw. It was in the media doing the rounds. Okay, it's on the project. Actually shut out shouted the project. We were on the last week. I don't know if you watched it.

Come on New Hosts episode. Yeah, hey project, Ye Cody, we come on for so ash.

This is from a celebrity what's a professional athlete international as well? It's always good to see what the parents overseas are doing. In terms of line.

New Zealand is not considered the international from the UK. His name is Callum plays for Carlisles United.

You know the team. Come on, bro, big socker fan. Seems when since you were a semi professional player when you were younger.

I was not a semi professional in anything, maybe nose picking and eating been David Beckham.

So he and his wife they lighted their kids and they say their birthdays are on different days each year. So Abby twenty six and her husband Callum twenty seven, who themselves very young in the UK, how they do it? Very young mother enough to do exactly crap weather kids. Didn't you live in London for a while is So he's a footballer, right, and they made the decision to ensure that both parents could be there on their child's

So they just say, actually birthdays today, shut up, making sure that it happens when everyone's in the house. Yeah, it's kind of notice, kind of sweet, kind of sweet that that's their rule, that everyone's going to be home. I mean, the kid's going to be confused. Why eventually they will? How long can you keep up this facade?

Till six seven? I think seven day to birth?

Smile?

Yeah, but does ask A follow a calendar? He's got his own phone.

I don't know, actually, because okay, here we go, do kids for wait a minute?

This morning, just do you kids know what time it is?

No?

I have no idea idiots. This morning, Lulla woke up and she goes, is it Christmas?

I should have run with it. Oh, you missed an opportunity.

I was like, what do you mean? And she goes, is it Christmas day to day? And I was like no. She goes, oh, when is Christmas? And I said it's in a few months. And she's like, fair enough.

Just how many sleeps? That's usually how many sleeps? I was got, you've got big school next year, it's like how many sleeps? I said a lot? It's like ten tomorrow like ten. I'm like a lot. More is like a thousand. I was like, there's a lot of numbers between ten and thousand.

My guy.

I think it's a great idea. I think I think it's sweet. It's also very cheeky. Okay. This one comes from a DM by the name of James. Hello, James, love that, thank you for reaching out. She's like, I told my daughter that kids is turned red when they lie, but only parents can see it. She would enter the room with her hands covering her ears, and I knew I was in for a good lie, very good, very good.

It was so good I did like a little fist bump.

Ah right, such a great story.

Well, Charles, Okay, this one is from one of our listeners, DM d us name is Yam.

Also here sure is Yam.

Yeah, I won't give her full from.

The Potato family, mister and missus Yam.

So she says, here's a lie. My husband tells our daughter that you might enjoy.

I'll let you know if I might enjoy it.

The TV is powered by when you're eating your dinner. If you won't eat it, it won't work anymore. So one broccoli equals five minutes, a mouthful of carrots equals four minutes. She said, it's worked all months so far.

All month. So they figure it out and like guys, the TV still on, hang on a sad I don't know how. They also don't know minutes.

That's very good.

That's good though, it is very good.

We love that we went for a period with no TV during dinner time.

How did they go down?

Hit me? Sometimes the kids were amazing, and I was like, I am an incredible parent right now just watching my kids sit there and eat. And then other times so they're like, I couldn't sit still for more than five seconds. We hate this. So last night, Laura's away, so I'm gonna put TV back on for dinner time.

Oh, don't tell Laura that it's so good. It's so good. I love the other day where I was like, yeah, I think I was here with Oskar and that's right. You said to Mary. You were like, oh, oh, mommy doesn't want you to watch the screen. And Laura's around and goes, we don't want her to watch the screen. I just laughed, and I always like track it on. If you do have a lie you want to submit to us, please send us a DM a two Doting

Point one thousand members.

Two point two as of today.

Mike, Oh way, Jesus, look at me go going off in their questions.

Ash, yes, we do have questions.

I'll go first. I want to put you on the spot here. This is a question submitted by one of the longest running fans of the podcast, Maddie Jay. I want to know ask have you had to explain to your kids? I'm assuming not because Macy's very young, but maybe Oscar about periods function.

We asked that question because are we April's currently on a period. Shout out to April, shout out. I hope you're doing it okay, I hope you feeling good. Season trying to tread really lightly over here. And I was like, as Oscar ever asked you about like a tamporn or a pad and she was like, yeah, yeah. He got a pad out of my bag once and was like,

Yeah, so she's not ready for like, this is a period. It happened to you once a month.

She was like, well, you know what happened to your eggs?

I don't even know because it happened to happen to usk. I don't think Laura has told the girls about periods. I'm pretty sure she has it because my sister was around and she took the kids out for a little little treat, went to the cafe. Kids had to go to the toilet. My sister also went to the toilet, so they all went together, and then as she pulled her pants down, they saw a tampon. Moley was like, what the hell is that? This?

What the hell got.

Mouse coming out? And my sister was like, oh no, it's just that's mummy's in a period. And and then Mollie was like, who's doing what now? And her kids like they've seen in that same scenario of taking the kids in the bathroom. There was one time because I said to my sister, I was like, like, when do you tell your kids? And she was like why she was using a pad, went to the bathroom. Kids saw the pad were.

Like bleeding, Oh my god.

So she explained to them it happens once a month, and uh so then now Molly's like, how many sleeps?

Very good? Thank you, very good.

So I'm now hoping like it's up to me to tell my kids about periods.

God help us, that's up to Laura. Mate.

I'm doing a show meself.

Kids, I've got a story to tell you.

It must be scarier. And I'm like, once a month you will stop bleeding. I'm controllably, I know, like for a week you may die. We don't know.

In the olden days, you would stand in a ditch for a week long. And these days we have these little things called I love that. It's like this is a mouse in you for Jina, Oh funny stuff. I have a question for you.

I thought you were like, you're gonna ask a question.

No, I wasn't. I was looking through something different, singing a song. I've got a question for you. Might not be as applicable to you because you've got two girls, and girls quite sensible, maybe Lola not so sensible. Is it okay to let your child do dangerous things but safely?

So?

What I mean by that is it was like walk on the table, or make sure you don't fall off so that they can know where the boundaries are, or do you think it's just like a no go.

Look, there is a line with anything. Obviously, if it's going to be an activity where they're risking serious injury, I think it would be very negligent to allow your child to still take part in that activity. If they are doing an activity which if they have an accident, it'll be like a little fall, a little grays I think it's okay. As an example, lash just down the road from my daycare, the wall. The wall have I told you about?

I known about the wall.

There's a little wall. It's like shinheight right too, shin Sorry, it's run through about ten meters right. And the girls, for whatever reason, when we walked to the car, we walked past the wall and they both love to walk the length of the wall. And I always hold the hand because it's an adventure too, like that.

Yeah, kids are adventurous.

Yeah. And then one time Laula was like, don't fucking touch me, and I was like, you gotta be careful. She's a renegade and she's on that she'll probably do it by herself. But a lot of the time I think she's quite drunk, and I was like, Daddy's going to hold your hand, and she's.

Like, don't get away from me, like a drunk person.

I'm doing this by myself. And I was like, do you know what, fine, do it by yourself. No, She'll four steps and took a tumble and it was undergrass. He like told you another parent kind of looked at me and actually like hit the deck.

I was like, well, what did you get.

She's like a parent looked at me as if I was just as shittest dad ever.

No, that's that's genius, teacher Molesson.

She hasn't walked that wall solo. I wanted to since then.

So so you think it works, Yeah, I think it works.

Yeah.

Like I've got a boy and he is likes to jump off things and all sorts of stuff, and like I'm very much like it's the same thing as long as it's not completely dangerous. Like I used to hang him upside down all the time, like we would be like playing and hanging upside down and.

Like Michael Jackson out like a balcony window or something.

Yeah, just at the back of the window of if I story bulding. It was nothing. It was really fun. But yeah, I'm like that's fine because I've I've got control of the situation. But I remember when I was doing it, my father in law, Frank, who's quite a cautious guy, nothing wrong with that. I just winked a Matt, but he was like he would be like, and I

I'll be like, oh, wait down, you know, but they kind of need to figure it out, and say, they need to figure it out.

If if you can't let your kids walk up and down the stairs, it's you know, a bit shaky, and how they're ever going to know? Like I find that like as well. When Oscar does something dangerous and does hurt himself, what helps is the relatability. It was like, do you know what I did that too? I did it when I was a kid. I did that too. I was riding my bike and ran straight into a tree. I did that too. Sometimes got to do it. Sometimes you got to do it to feel how it hurts.

Hey, before we go, Yes, we do have to clear something up. Ye And I thought naming our book two Doting Dads as like the headline title smart very smart. People know us and know the podcast. If they don't, maybe they want to get to know us. I now realized that was a huge mistake.

I wouldn't say mistake. I feel like we've hit a new audience, separate audience.

Okay.

I mean, are we frauds, No, and we never ever once.

But we're not correcting people.

Well, I don't want to find anyone by saying no, no, no, no, no no no. That could be worse.

Well, okay, I guess the best way to put it is we're swimming with the tide, and the tide is pulling us into a certain direction.

Yeap. Just to give you guys some context, we did release a book. I don't know, have to hear of it.

The question for one bucks on Amazon right now?

Sorry?

Continue.

We went and did a book signing mix in the city, Mix in the city, which was lovely. We met some really nice people.

A few fans love that, thank you for coming.

We did meet someone who didn't know us.

She was a lot older. She was very much a boomer.

She was very boomer.

She was a little bit cautious. She was kind of looking at the table where we were sitting where the book was on display, kind.

Of like, what's this about? Yeah, not quite sure.

She was young.

And then she came over and she started asking about what age group the book is for.

Generous sort of question, said, kids, kids are three and five.

She's like, oh great, She's like, what did she say?

She said, and then she goes and then she kind of after a little while, she kind of then turned a corner and was nodding and was like, do you know what. I think what you're doing is fantastic. And I thought, yeah, look, you know, it's not every day you get to publish a book, and we're happy. It's great to have it out there.

She goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know. I think, he goes, are brave.

And she was like, it's I was like, she's a kid's book.

Yeah, rape, thanks.

I guess, and she's like, it's this is lovely. It's a sign of the times.

And she was also like, my my kids are also in same sex relationships with kids, so what and we were like, oh, that's lovely. Like we didould be like, Kama kind of looks like we're holding hand. It's a little bit and we were like, Matt and I were like, hmm okay. And then do you.

Know what I said? I said. She goes, yeah, my my my nephew is in the same sex relationship and they're raising a boy and it's great. And I said, yeah, it's a heterosexual you need to watch out for, don't I there.

And then after she she bought a book, which is great, so worth it. She toddled off and another lady came over and she was like, oh, I'm a single mom. I'm like, oh cool, and she was like yeah, my kids are pretty much raised by the gays as well, and you were like, what a great community. And then after that interaction, we'll like hing on a second to shoot doting dads.

Not there's anything wrong with that at all at all, but you know, we're not correcting people.

But also we're confused anyway, books Hours through the Roof have been better.

If you've enjoyed this episode or any episode that we've released eighty eight up until now, Ash eighty nine. Can you bloody believe it? What will we do for one hundred? Who knows? Time will tell. If you enjoyed this episode, send it to anyone, anyone out there you think will benefit from two loving gay dads, and give us a review. Subscribe five stars, any little nugget. There's a few nuggets that we've been given. One was a pet parent fifty fish. He says, thank you, fifty fish.

Correct, get a lie God, and we'll see you guys next week. Thanks very much, see you guys, Bye, fifty Fish.

Two. Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land