Asked the question everyone wants hands in. How was the flesh light still boxed up?
My guy, it's a lie. It isn't a lie. I promise. I promise because I did have you on speaker phone when I said to April, guess what Maddie J got me? And she played it pretty cool like Q yeah.
On the phone, she was like, oh, that's so thoughtful. She's like it's gonna be fun.
And then she pokes her head back and shoes to let me catch you using that thing.
Now, welcome back to two notting dads. I'm Mattie Jay and I'm Ash and this is a podcast all about parenting and flesh lights, the good, the bad, and the flesh light. If you've come wanting any type of flesh light advice, say because that is what.
That is what we talk about. Now. We're talking about flesh lights and two flesh lighting dads and shit.
That is like the two main topics of what we talk about. I can't tell if people enjoy the shit chat or if they're like, oh god, it's another.
Someone was like, two grown men talking about shit is deplorable, and I was like, I have a laugh, cockhead.
What else is there to talk about nothing.
Kids, shit a lot, We shit a lot. Oh yeah that too. What's going on? What's happening? So what I what? I I what I miss?
Well?
I feel like I see you every day now I got nothing to talk. Let's just see different hour.
And we had what was it, ten days and not seeing each other.
We did yes, which we get into we'll get into short.
Both of us were aching aching for some company about aching and we're like, I did call you, I think like stay seventy and I was like, anyway, I'm going to go, and you were like, don't edge.
Me like that. You ring me.
You'd call me and you'd be like hey about hey, You're like, oh, I'm going to go, and I'm like such a tea god.
I think I just wanted to win to you because we ran out of Nappy's on the ship and I just walked out fourteen sets of stairs and I was like so hungover to because I did carry the night before. And I was like, and You're like, don't dare ring me up and edge me over the phones.
You call, I get comfy, I sit down, I strapped.
Pull your dick out.
Yeah, I sit there. And then you're like I can't talk right now. I'm like, well, Jesus, I know what you're doing.
We'll playing sorry.
So we didn't talk about it last episode, but I do want to know how the cruise went. Because we went on a cruise for the first time together. You've now ditched me. I know.
No, you you wanted to try and work more around Laura. As the doting husband that you are, you'll do so, don't you dare throw me under the bathroom because you were just doing something nice for you and your family.
Because you were like, hey, I'm thinking about taking this two month cruise all throughout the Pacific, and I was like, oh, I don't know if Laura's schedule allows for that, and you're like, so.
You are sorry. We wanted to do a longer one, like and something in the cold weather here but warm weather somewhere.
Else, So sue me talk me through it.
I did it with my family and my mom and my dad. And one thing I did realize I started doing early on was because my mom was there, and you probably do it with Laura too. When you're talking to your kids, you refer to each other as mummy and daddy. I started to do that with my mum. I just called her mummy. A few times.
I started doing that as well, and I was like, ah fuck.
And then of course my mom would not let me live it down every time. My mom should be like, that's mummy to you, you.
Know, like posh English people say that.
I like mummy, Mama, Papa, Mom, John Ty and mummy.
I said it the other day in the kitchen. I was like, Mummy, what's the dinner. Laura was like, what the hell was that?
And I was like, I mean early nothing.
We got stake tonight or what.
It was a really good trip was out to Vanawatu.
Must be nice.
It was must it was very nice. Bit bumping on the way out. But we left on the day that the fairies were all shut because the swell was so big. It was huge, it was massive, but we were because you.
Have what's it called the departure party. No, it's not that, yeah, it's a sail away.
And it was. It was actually okay because can I.
Just say, for those people who have not been fortunate enough to go on a cruise, at the moment you leave port, they have a sail away party. Just everyone gets really drunk on the deck.
Pretty much, but like the good thing was a sail away takes place, you know when you're still in the harbor pretty much, which is not because you go past the bridge, the opera house, all the iconic Sydney Sydney things which you know, and then we got out. It was just a bit bumpy. Later on you're like, oh, like you're pissed. I was, but also you're definitely off bumping into the wa and you don't have your sea
legs yet essentially. But yeah, it was a nice smooth trip up and then you get to you get to the island and which ones did We went to went to well, no, No. Three islands in Manawatu. I can't remember what it called. Port Villa was one mystery island and I can't love me. I can't remember the first one. Not critical, but the kids it's their second cruise this year, so they acclimatized really quickly. The Kids Club is amazing.
If you've got kids and you want to ditchy kids for like a trip, that is the place because they they send you the every day, they send you the schedule or what's going on, and the kids are frothing.
Do you remember we were on the last trip together, and the first morning this is day two. The line for kids clubs.
It wasn't like that, yeah, because.
Everybody was saying, this is not normally like this, but we Yeah, it was like an hour wait to drop your kids off. And I was like, oh god, I'm just not going to bother.
We didn't bother, no, no. And it was only a short trip that one. We got there registered pretty early, pretty easy. It was actually very very easy compared to the last one, which is good. So they've obviously improved for that, so that's amazing. But we got to the islands and it was hot. The first time we got to It was kind of like being on a boat for a few days and then getting off and you
pretty much walk straight into like a local market. It's just them trying to see their crap, you know, as they do what they sell a lot of, like sarongs and shit, did you buy anhym nah? That was like the first stop, which was it was a pretty average place. To be completely honest with you, I'm not gonna lie. It was nice. Like when he got round to like where the main city is on that was like on.
Their harbor, not a big sarrong guy, not a big sarrong guy, So you were like, what else have you got?
Like just laid on. Then we went to the next island next day and it was raining and we had a beach to a book. So that's no good either. Nice great, but we made the most of it anyway, Like Oscar run.
That's the video of April pissing in the water.
Yeah, that was great. That was a highlight. That was good. And on that tour there was a little bit of like the tour guy was really informative of like what's around, what they do, what they grow, what they what do they they live coconuts and that, you know, the fruits that are in and the stuff like that.
I please go on.
No, But the third trip we did, which is Mystery Island, absolutely beautiful. It was pish, pish, picturesque. It was picturesque. It was like, this is a tropical island. It was beautiful. Any wrongs, yes, wrongs still the wrongs, that's right. It was the wrong weather. Yeah, but that day we had a modern cultural tour booked and it was like the nicest state. I was like, oh.
Fuck fully, Like I just want to lay on the sand. Yeah, that's what you can't tell. If you'd be a kind of some baking, relaxing kind of gun now you know, what do you like to do?
Surf? If I if I had, if I didn't have a tour book, I would have tried to find someone to take me surfing somewhere, trying to find something. But we had the cultural tour as a group, all of us, my family and my parents lovely, and they take you across to this island of like there's three tribes. There's like a southern tribe and northern tribe and the central tribe. One of them is like French speaking because of the colonialism. I'm not sure the right word. Not sure. I'm not
a history teacher. And then there's the north one, but the one they take you to the central one and it's a beautiful place to got the little kids, a little school, little church. I don't know if you've ever taken two small children on a cultural tour.
I can't say I have. Actually, we were in Fiji a little while ago and they did after like an outdoor dinner followed by a show like but it was kind of entertaining. It was a bit scary, actually, the kids petrified because they came out and they're like, oh, like with breathing fire.
I don't know what I expected. I thought, I'll take the kids on a cultural tour. Maybe it'll snap some sense into these spoiled little kids. You know, we got there, we were like walking through and you go to like they take you up. There's like three stops on this tour. It's all walking, it's not far. And the first one is about you know, their housing, how they live, and then the food, how they forest, how they hunt, how
they gather. And then there's the warrior side of thing where they back in the day when they had warriors and they help fighting, fighting for land and blah blah blah blah blah. So we enter and the first thing you have to do is be accepted by the chief, whether we're welcome or not.
Can I ask, did anyone not get welcome? Was he like, actually not today, Frank us as.
A group, thankfully. But anyway, we all sit down and then the kids sit next to me and out of the bush.
And you obviously got accepted by the chief.
Let me get there. Sorry, I apologize to stop interrupting my story. Now we all sit down and out jumps the chief from the bush and the kids just go. He's wielding a big fucking stick and it's like all over us, and then someone's got the leader of our group has to go. We come in peace, like we just want to learn, and he it's exception.
Oh, it's kind of out of the Show's got you. It's the theater.
It's the theater. Anyway, that they're going through the different ways that they build housing and stuff, and you know, that's all pretty like straightforward. The kids are actually at this point scared for their lives, so they're quite still.
Yeah, I can imagine Oscar gets freaked out by a cat, so I can only imagine what he was like with the chief of a Vanuatu tribe.
Yes, he definitely calmed down. And then we move on to the next station, which is how they hunt and gather and the different foods that are grown and what they do with it, how they cook and blah blah blah. But before we left the ship, we were low on snacks, so I went and got some snacks from the boat convenience store. Anyway, we're sitting there, we're sitting there listening to how they scrounged for food and Macon and Oscar
they're like, I'm hungry. So we're sitting there watching these little kids and these elders with their tree roots and stuff. And you look over and my kids are eating aureos and I was like, to averyone, I'm like, oh my god, the fuck's going on here? Anyway, they've gone through the oreos and we're still sitting there, and then we're into the twisties. The kids are sitting there and then Macy starts going prove LIGI to white folks. I know.
Kids are like, I'm so hungry, I know.
And they're sitting there and Macy's like walking around like just just completely unaware, completely oblivious to the fact that these kids are trying to eat tree roots and like leaves and they're like spinach. So there's that. That's the first. This is a great sign. They're obviously not paying attention anymore whatsoever. They're in the dirt, they're chasing the chickens around.
Which is kind of nice.
They were just caught. They were just running a mark and.
They were ores and twisters in hand.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And then we move on to the weapons. So you go on to like the warriors, tribesmen and what you know, they used to fight for their land and blah blah blah. And they're showing the different types of weapons and Macy's there going watch TV. She's having a meltdown because she wants to watch TV. And we're on this island with no power, nothing, running around, chickens running around, this guy wielding an axe and he's
She's like, watch TV. I want to watch TV. And like everyone's like.
Stop immersing these kids in an amazing culture.
I know. We eventually were like this relaxed, like we got her back attention when the more warriors came outside, yet like a little bit more entertained. But they got a little bit heavy because they were talking about in the older days when what they used to do and they used to go they used to fight a lot for land, but with warriors, like obviously you know they have wives and or whatever. But the only way that really another tribe could obtain that land is the blood
spill of a woman. So they started to talk about the warriors and go to war for their land. But if your husband died, okay, then your tribe, not the other tribe, would actually kill the wife. Oh god, but then they went on to graphically show which is super interesting for an adult for.
A four year old.
We're midway through them trying to explain how they killed the woman and Macy chokes on a twisty and she's.
Like and they're like, yeah, just like.
So the reason the reason they do that is so that they spill the blood not the rival tribe, so they can't actually claim that land, but they graphically did it. And then Macy's in the corner just like anyway, then they started to do they started to do their traditional song and dance, which really got Mazie up a gun because they were doing it and I missed filming it. I wish i'd fucking god, I'm so sorry.
She was like dead body.
Ever, they're like doing like what they do after they kill the woman. Anyway, the cultural tour trip with the.
Many kids on that trip or.
None, this is mine. Anyway, that finished up, which it was really informant. I actually had a really good time and like we were walking back out and which was a really cool part. This is a really cool part and the kids really love this part because the school, the little kids school was at lunch and they were all out on the oval, playing with the balls and
soccer and stuff. So me and Oscar and Mazie are running around with these kids and like they were these kids were I was kicking the ball really high in the air and they're like whoa. And Oscar was just like fucking loving it, like running around with all these kids. But it was like, you know, a nice little end to that little cultural tour because the rest of it was completely wasted on them. They were just paying no attention to how lucky they've got it.
I do. I do think, and especially now because there's so many people over in Europe, for example, with young kids. I'm like, do you think these kids will remember any of it? Do you think?
I no, do you know? I think maybe at Oscar's age he might little snippet if he's yeah, I think because this is now to when we were kids, things are way more documented now, totally like phones, bang bang bang bank bank. You could probably jog that memory over the next ten years and keep it and.
That'll be nice.
That will be nice. It would be a nice moment for here. He was frothing on these kids, like kicking a ball around.
Dad be a hero.
I was a hero to these kids. They now have a statue of me.
You have a great boot on you.
Thank you. They have a statue.
Did you tell them you're Waally Lewis.
I'm professional, definitely not. But that was a good part of it, yeah, But the rest of it was like, oh God, why did I take these kids on the culture because I think I had expectation and I was like, I'm going to get these kids to appreciate what they have. Didn't work at all, but you know, maybe down the track I'll try again. But anyway, we get back to the boat and it was that night actually we had a bit of a scare just to change the mood a little bit. Right now, As you know, Oscar has
before had croup. Yeah, he had a little bit of a cough like later on at night, and well that fuck like a bit of cough medicine or whatever to try and.
For anyone who doesn't know what creep is, ash take it away.
Explain not a doctor essentially is it. Yeah, but it restricts the airway. So three o'clock in the morning. At three o'clock in the morning, Oscar starts to suffocate and he cannot breathe whatsoever. There's nothing you can really do other than they can give you us some steroids in hospital. But I'm on a cruise op in the middle of the ocean. They do have the facilities, yeah, but we were like, the other thing you can do is steam
really helps. So at three point thirty in the morning, Oscar has stopped breathing essentially, and it was really scary. This was the scariest one we've had. We've had it before. He's getting worked up, April's getting worked up, Macy's up as well. Now I'm trying to just keep everyone calm because them being getting worked up, he's not helping him
trying to breathe. So I've kicked April out of the bathroom and I just get out, shut the door with Oscar in there, turn the shower on as full ball hot as we can to steam it.
They say steam's good for.
The thirty minutes we sat in therefore, and eventually got him to be able to breathe properly.
And you came out looking quite trum as well.
Oh, I've jacked Reddit, but it was like the worst place you could possibly yeah, because it's like I don't know, I knew they have a medical.
Centergyicol, did you.
No, do you know what? I felt like I had it under control, I felt, I said, once I kicked April out, and I was like to Oscar, you need to concentrate on me very closely. You're working up. Let's just start with some breaths because he's like he's only skinny, sucking his whole like doing his absolute best to try and breathe. And then eventually you can sort of hear
him being able to breathe a bit more. But it was a real mission to get me to stop and be like, hey, bring him back to me every time, because he was like gett into his head, like he's not getting any better. But this was, Yeah, it was definitely the scariest one I've had where I thought he was going to die at one point, and like, obviously we're both pretty triggered. And like the morning when like we managed to get him breathing again and then we
sort of sat with him for a few hours. We actually all fell asleep again, thank god, and then woke up and I think April and I like sort of debriefed on him. We're like, fuck, both a little bit triggered by it. Yeah, and like we thought like, you know, there's not a whole lot you can do until they grow out of it, apparently, but that sort of bit, it took a bit of a turn. Did the trip with a few days to go, got a roller coaster.
It was a roller coaster, yeah yeah. And then he still had a bit of a nasty cough the next day, so he just laid really low in the cabin because you don't want to be walking around a cruise ship with your kid who sounds like a dog barking. It was really like ooh ooh sort of bar And then that was the third last night, and then on the last night, just to change gears again. Going on the last night, I had to get content, so I left the room when everyone went to bed, April was reading.
I get a call from April and she goes Macy was coffee and I was like, oh fucking here we go again. She's no, no, no, she's coughed so much she's spewed up onto oscar. He hasn't woken up.
She just copped it.
He's just copped a barrage of spew off. Anyway, I get back to the room and April's like trying to strip Oscar off. He like, she wake him up, didn't wake him up, stripped him off without waking up, and put a T shirt on him. I have cleaned up what spew I can and washed it away, and Macy's just like and she's gone back to sleep. And the next morning, like, Oscar hasn't noticed.
And he's like, why am I wearing this outfit?
He was like, why am I wearing a T shirt? I'm like, who's going to tell him? And it was like, don't, let's just not do so he still doesn't know what's actually happened. He just thought he was really, really sweaty.
What a beautiful trip.
It was a lovely trip. And then we got off and here I am, oh no, we got off and Dad ended up in hospital because he has the moon.
Shouldn't laugh.
Sorry, a few days with a trip to go, Dad disappears.
Dad was like, I need some attention.
Dad's got influenza and he's got pneumonia and he gets wheelchaired off the ship and straight into hospital. How is he doing now he's back home, now he's good. Fine.
Wow, you've experienced it was a huge trip. Technical emergencies, cultural experiences. That's what it's all.
About exactly right the pilots of the trip where Macey eating oreos while these kids were trying now at a tree route and then also choking on a twisty, or they're trying to perform how to Kill a Woman.
And you're taking photos and videos. This is great.
I know, yeah, I've got some videos of some stuff, but it's not doesn't really translate into I love it and I just want to go. I haven't missed anything here.
Oh yeah, sorry, you got one minute to tell the story.
I want to go back to just really quick on this whole cultural tour. Okay, I got on the tender to go to the cultural tour and I had an itchy anus the whole time. I just wanted to let you know, thank you that anyways, always.
Good to get a little update on your.
It was like I was like a hemorrhoid or was it? It was just itchy. But then I was like trying to find little places where I could be like sneak away your little itchin then I was trying to fart.
At me.
People position was the squat so I was indo squatting the whole time.
Gosh, thank you for that last that's okay, beautiful point to throw asking on the cake on a great trip.
It was a good trip, So thank you to Pino for having me and my family. As always, I.
Can't wait for my trip October. Look out for anyone wondering, we've actually got We've got everyone coming on our trip. I know, I've got Laura's mom, Laura's sister, my sister, my mom. Everybody can't wait. I want to tell you just quickly about an incident that happened with me ash also a medical emergency. You could say with you, well, I was there, Oh, you were there. One of the kids were involved. Your kids don't do gymnastics, do they?
Nah? Nah, no, not yet anyway.
So Marley was super keen, like super keen shit because my nieces and nephew's day went to gymnastics and you know the girl they wear like a lethard. And Marley was like, oh my god, it's got a sequence stitched wet onto it.
We went past her the other day. We walk past it.
We walked past it on the City to serve and Mary was like, that's why I do gymnastics. Yeah, And it was great. You know, sometimes it's really it's a battle to get the kids to do those activities. They're keen to sign up, but when it's time to actually like get in the car go there, they're like, I don't want to go.
It was like school with the jiu jitsu, and the guy was like, you come in here and you greet me, and I was just like, I don't want you left.
So Marley took the gymnastics like a duck to water. So we do that on Thursday afternoons. Issue was I've got the kids on Thursdays, right, and so I'm like, well, amazed, Well you can in that one afternoon session. There's multiple age groups and there was one age group for Lola as well, and I was like, great, I'll try and convince Lola that she can do gymnastics and then the girls do it together. Job done.
She's got the perfect head size for flipping.
You leave her head out of this.
Definitely counterwait.
The problem was though she was a bit too young. You had to be of a certain age, and my sister pre warmed me and she's like, don't even try. Like if you say, hey, she's two months from being old enough, don't even try. Like they won't accept challenge. Accept it, and so I lied on the application form. If they're listening, sorry it wasn't me. It was just a joke. But Lola wasn't really that keen. And I was kind of like, gymnastics is sick, yeah, you love it?
And she was always like, I don't know about this. Every week it's the same, she's like, just you know, digging her heels and anyway, we're walking to gymnastics. Last week, gone, let it out, let it out.
It's gone. That's not just.
Don't fucking try and harder yarn from me. I can see it. I'm sorry, I can see it. I know you better than you know yourself.
I feel it's rude, though. When it's not because of the story.
That's fine. I don't get hurt.
You get more hurt when I'm like, yeah, sorry anymore when it comes, you know, please oh go this.
I would love that. So we're walking down to gymnastics.
You walk there from here.
So we parked the car, we walked down, walking down the hill, two gymnastics from the car, and Lola bless her cotton socks, takes a tumble.
No, also, you just said takes a tumble, which is a gymnastic term.
Pardon the pun, gymnastics teacher is like ten points.
She's out the front. You're after the Olympics with ray gun.
The level too, and the cut on her knees is enough to have her give the most blood curdling scream you've ever heard.
Have you got it?
And I've sent it to your phone and she was like, I can't walk, don it, I cannot walk the drama and she looked at it and she was like, oh.
My god, oh yeah that's a video.
Yeah, this is if you are queasy, my guy. I just.
Oh, she's really scraped up those knees. Do you reckon?
That's nothing, She's only little though nothing.
I thought, she's definitely given it a good scrape. You do you fall over on the concrete and scrape your knees, poor little thing. It's not that bad. One of them is worse than the other. But it was still so annoying.
Dude, like it's gravel rash A gray's knee is just it absolutely fucking derails the whole day.
Does she do the thing now? When like after that she got in the bath just like it's stick.
I can't okay, wouldn't do gymnastics.
Okay, she's got an injury.
That's nothing. I was like, hey, like, forget about that, let's go and do some flipping. And she's like, she couldn't walk. It's blood. She wouldn't walk. She wouldn't walk. That didn't do gymnastics right, get home. She's like, I can't eat dinner. I can't eat because of my injury. And I'm like, you can eat dinner, and she's like, I can't. I can't do it. I can't still won't walk, won't get in the bath, won't even put pants on because she doesn't want to have any fabric over the knee.
Oh it is painful. I feel your pain, but the poor thing it probably hurts. At the time.
I gave her the sympathy. Yeah, okay, all right, well, but something like that, you know you're in for like two or three.
She has a band aid too, She get a bunch of band aids.
She wouldn't take a band aid, not even a band aid. The grays was too severe for a band aid with a gravel round. And next week gymnastics, I'm like, there got another fifty bar.
Take a different route, confuser.
I don't know how else I can get there.
Let me have a look at those knees again. I just I'm getting a little bit of tram because I've had some pretty grays knees before, and it does hurt, especially little. They've got such like new skin too, So just like so delicate. Anyway, a little bit of blood.
So your kids are almost dying of oxygen starvation.
My kids, it's not a competition. I would give sympathy to MACI fell over on the boat on the carpet, got carpet burn, and then she did a similar thing to that where she can't do anything because of this tiny bit of carpet burn. Couldn't shower, couldn't eat in the pool anyone, Oh the pool was fine, to go on the pool, it's hot, I'm in and that then like she'd be like see someone and they'd be like, oh, hell like me. You don't even know this person.
It was like me.
The dramas. The dramas are just a simple force. So wce she fall down the footpath or you pushed it in?
No, I think she does it on purpose. She's done it like three times now.
Herself on the ground. Yeah, she's just like she doesn't want to go that bad that she's willing to injure herself.
I mean, I'm sure it's that's not the case.
Let's hope not, because it could. That could spiral because.
They have to wear crocs because it's easy to take the shoes off and the crocs. The trip has bloody trip, especially in winter. They're not acclimatized.
Exactly what Macie tripped over on the boat her crocks. But this is April's fault. We're gonna throw April under the bus. My wife is a typical wife. She likes to pack weeks in advance. She likes to be so organized that she's packed these crocs that she thought the kids had grown into but hadn't yet. That's too big, huge fuck. I should have got some phones. The first time I saw the kids walk out of the cabin and I looked down and I was like, what the
hell was Well, the kids were in fucking flippers. They're huge. So everywhere Macie went she tripped over, tripped over here, tripped over, and then she's tripped over and got herself a nice little carpet burn. But crocs trip hazard. I don't even know where mine are that you gave me do you know why? Because I don't want a trip? Should we do some lies?
Please tell me loud.
Tell me, Matt. This is the segment that we ask our lovely, dedicated, doting listeners to send in the little lies they tell their.
Kids to make parenting just a little bit of it.
And my mom said to me, don't threaten all light of the kids unless you can follow through. And remember I was telling you the story last week how I threw the car out the window. I can follow through, baby, don't you worry. So there's a couple that we used on this cruise ship that were very very very very useful. So I'm going to run you through those two and if you've got some that you've been from listeners, I'll give you my two first and then you can give
me what you've got. Sorry to explain that to you three or four times.
Well, we run this segment every single week, so normally.
You get it. You got it good.
You're like we talking to the microphone.
Mike grazes my knee, and now I can't tell you my lives. The first one is I used really really look. This one got my mom offside because she was like, don't say that to them. I would essentially say anytime they would do anything that they were like being naughty or wouldn't, I'd be like, get in the shower or come on, get your shoes on, and be like, right, you're going overboard. That usually got the results.
Actually I did see April sent me a video you were dangling oscar off the side.
Of the for Michael Dinner Michael Jackson's Start. No, that was one of them that we used a lot.
Did it work?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, because they're so gullible. I even picked one of them up once. No, but my mum.
Really at the time whereabouts on the boat in a restaurant.
April had a really good one on the last night because for some reason my kids don't. They don't like potato.
Mine don't either, Yeah, especially like mashappies, sure mashed, No time for that.
No time for mash. So April had a good one saying that mashed potato is just warm ice cream.
That is brilliant. Did it work?
No, but I thought that was she whipped that out on the last I was like, where did you get that from? She was like, just come, just came to me.
It's very clever.
I was like, that's good, So actually try it with the girls next time. Yeah, next time, you got mash. Like, if you're out to dinner and there's some mash.
Mash, I'd say would be one of the most hated dish.
It's delicious.
They just don't like it's a.
Potato salt butter, bitter milk, bit of cream. Even Yeah, kids, that know how good that. You know I'm gonna do this. Get a big bowl mash and just eat that. Do you had that instant mash stuff?
Beautiful? Oh heaven, heaven.
I stand with you, mash. They're my cruise ship lines, so feel free listeners to use those. I would say, don't threaten to throw your kids overboard when there's a crew member around.
No, I keep that underwrapp.
I would keep that like more in the privacy of your own cabin. Yes, not at a restaurant because it scared them. If anything, I.
Mean it's giving them some like long term trauma.
Also did the thing because all the railings on the outside, like at the top of the deck, it's all glass so you can see out. You want to be able to see, and the kids are like looking out. I do that thing when you go kill them. I'm a terrible dad.
This one, your word's not mine. This one is in the Facebook group ash, which is just popping off. Yes, Jesus, the bands, the humor, the fun that we have in that Facebook group. Yeah, it's unbelievable. If anyone's not a member, go and join. This one is from Jessmine Jesuit jezz No I thought was Jasmine Jasmine Jessemine Jasamine almonds almond as. She says, I don't know if I'm proud of this
or not. Dot dot dot. My kids are aged twelve, ten and eight and they keep eating in their room, leaving cups and plates, et cetera, and I'm so over telling them not to. I saw this on Facebook and I thought it was worth to try. I got some brown rice from the shops and I sprinkled it in their rooms and they now think that mice have been
there who are attracted to the food. Oh so, my parents live in a granny flat on the property, So now the kids are all down there, scared of the mice outbrak and claim they are sleeping in there tonight Lowell, She says, I'll tell them the truth when they're older, when they've learned. And there's a couple of photos here. That's pretty good. I like that, a couple of photo references. But it does actually look like mice poop.
It does it? Really does it. That's genius.
I love.
They put it on hisse collectible cards near the PlayStation, all the things they love.
That's that's a great lie.
That is good.
It's a very good lie.
That's not brown rice though, just to that's that purple black rice. That's black rice.
Looks delicious.
That's good.
Another one asked, this one is a classic. This one is a classic. So recently we were at Westfield when I junction and outside one of the stores there's a few like three is a cluster of those little toy airplane cars that you put the kids in. You put in a few bucks and then it got seconds. They look very tired, very tired. Kids love it. Kids love it. We went there, kids were like, we would to have a go a nana. My mom was saying, look, unfortunately
these ones are all broken. But what we can do, but the time we're on the phone, you guys can have a minute each in each one. And they were sitting in there and they're like, this is kind of fun, I guess. And then as we were walking away, then another parent went in there threw some money in things like.
Busted and the kids are like, we want to go on.
I'm like, can we just collectively parents, can we just all agree never to put any amount of money in those anything?
Ever if there's another family, If you turn up and there's another family in it, and they're all pretending it doesn't work, read the room. Just know, just know that watch this Timmy Busted.
It is now time for listener questions and ask the way this segment works, just so you know, people who listen to the podcast listening right in with a question that in relation to parenting, which we then ask each other and give it. Would you like to go first? And I go first.
I got a really quick one for you, please that it comes off the back of the sleeping arrangement on the cruise, because we had bunk beds, right, so there was a double bunk bottom and top so open, and I slept on top and Macey and Oscars slept on the bottom. Now, Mace, you just had in the room.
You had just bunk beds. Yeah, yeah, right, Okay, that's pretty fun.
Kids enjoyed it, but Macy's in a cot still at home.
Can I ask when you did the the horizontal tango sex top bunk or bottom bunk balcony.
It was definitely in the bottom bunk, like having sex in a cubby house. It was my child dream. So, as you know, Macy's still in a cot because she's you know, quite young, not quite young, she's like two, but she's obviously enjoyed being out of that cot. So and the question goes, because you've got slightly older child than me, what age do I convert her out of a I can't get out of this bed situation. To
that out she can get out and roam. Like I said, you've got two, both can get out now in rome and coming like Oscar already comes into my bed in the middle of I don't think two people kicking me in the middle of the night. What do you think is an appropriate age?
I think we took Marley out of a cot pretty early because she was just so mobile, like spider Monkey she did. She would climb like nothing else. So even like it's ideal to have your kid caged in, right, you want to treat them like a wild animal. Oh yeah, the less mobile they are the better because, especially in the middle of the night, sometimes they wake up they know they can't go anywhere, so they go back to sleep.
Oh yeah, they're trapped.
Yeah, So we actually put her. We gave her a dog collar, and we leashed her to the wall.
Perfect.
It worked out brilliantly.
Can I just write this down so I don't forget.
Please everyone listening, please take my testimony. So we put Mali in he bed pretty early and it wasn't. It's actually like we thought it was going to be a nightmare. We were like, oh shit, this is going to derail bedtimes like nothing else. And it was fine.
I think like with Oscar because we did it. I think it's about three years old, which Macey's coming up to it. But with Oscar he was so vocal all the time that you could have a proper conversation with him. Like I'm not saying Macy's not as smart as Oscar, but like I would be like, you want a big boy bed and really encourage the big boy bed. Yes that he was like, this is my big boy bed. I'm never leaving it. But with Macey, she doesn't listen to anyone. She's like, fuck this I'm out here or
even on the cruise, I like woke up. I'm like, where's Macy. Look over and she's coloring in at three point thirty in the morning.
And I was like, oh, yeah, it's so annoying when they wake up in the middle of the night and they're like, well, I guess it's time to get up and start the day early bird gets the work.
But now she's refusing her sleep suit. She doesn't want to sleep in a cot at home, so it's like, what's the plan? So that's why it's like, that's why musk.
Yeah, I mean the only thing with Lola when we took her out of the cot just meant that she was in wake up in the middle of the night. We would then bring her into our bed, which wouldn't mind which we're into.
It's just your bed's tiny.
How dare you talk about like that in saying that last night I woke up flanked by two children. Yeah, and Lola was like, I'm in the bunk bed she so she left us.
I've been sleeping in the completely separate room at Papa's house and I've been in the door. It's a really old house in door handles really high and if you notice.
That the kids can't get in.
But also April's like in the middle of the night, she'll walk up and open my door. So anyway, we have had a.
Lot of questions ash about how to communicate a death in the family to the kids. And you may, for those of you who come from life on cut, you may have heard the news recently that Laura's stepdad, Lenny, absolute legend of a bloke Neil nicknamed Lennie, he passed away.
I was just like so confused, and I'm like, yeah, Lenny, he.
Passed away after a long battle with cancer, nine years brought to the last breath and he's now passed away. The kids absolutely love far. We've scorn far and we've got the funeral coming up this weekend, and we wanted to preempt We were thinking, do we bring the kids, do not bring the kids? But I think it's better to evolve them. We were pretty up front with the
kids and we explained. We were kind of saying to them that Lenny's been unwell for a long time, so we were trying to just like we didn't want to rip the rug from underneath the kids and just you know, say hey, fars gone. Yeah, and we were so afraid to tell them in fear of them having some kind
of traumatic experiences. A few times with Laura's granddad, he's passed away when the kids are really young, and sometimes Marley will be at nighttime and she's like, I can't I can't get the thought of granddad dying out of my head.
And we're like, fuck, how do you you have mentioned that? Lowel O'Malley has talked about death a lot like Oscar's only.
Have you had Have you had anyone passed recently in your family?
Oscar's had his great grandfather, my grandfather, Billy Wicks die when he's been alive a couple of years ago. Oscar was much younger. But the funny thing is we didn't really have to explain it to him because he was quite young. But he was only at one word. But he started calling his comfort that he sleeps with Billy. Oh really literally the day he died, and he wouldn't even know, which is random.
How old was Oscar when that happened.
I think it would have been like two, right, and a bit like even now, there's and foes around and he's like, you know what happened, and we've just been like, oh, you know, that's Billy passed away because he's got the middle name as well, William is Oscar's middle name. Yeah, I can't imagine that. Now. You got me thinking, like the conversation that if you know someone now died like Oscar is so inquisitive, as is Mali there at that age, and Lowell was sort of getting into that age too,
where they're like why everything is why. It's like, shit, I can't.
So it did help to say, like, well, you know, you know, we've explained that he's been on well for a while, and we're going to go, oh, yeah, yeah, I understand that. Yeah. I think it did go over Lola's head, Like, you know, she's only three. She can't really understand the significance of death as you can appreciate a three year old, but Marley really understands it. Dude.
It's gonna sound really obvious, but it helps so much telling her on a Saturday morning when we had the entire day as a family together, because you know, we're like, oh, can we tell her in the morning before daycare? But then you know, the thought of then dropping that news and her and then being away from.
You have a good day daycare, because she might not process it for another hour or so and then be like, I want to cuddle for mummy or daddy and make sure even even if she's thinking empathetically, which she probably is because she's already thinking about death, she'd be like, I wonder if mummy's okay, and if Mummy's not there to give her a cuddle at least, like you've given her the day to kind of get used to the
thought that someone's not around anymore. Like I remember when when Dad was going through that heart attack staff and it was like he was here, and then I was meant to see the kids a day after as well, and they're like where is he and trying to explain to them that he's really unwell, and like, you know, also for like grandparents and stuff like that. When I spoke to Dad about that, Dad was like, I was scared,
but not for me the kids. I was scared for my grandkids that I've just like built this bond with, not me, but like the grand kids. So it's like, yeah, I don't know if there's a I'm not going to sit here and say there's a right and the wrong way to go about I think the way you've gone about it is definitely but.
We found it having the open dialogue way easier, and especially because there's been a lot of tears in the household over the last week, lots of tears, and you want the kids to understand what those tears are a result of. You know, we can talk about it's okay to be upset, sokay to be sad. So for us being upfront with the kids and being honest with them, it's been so much easier.
Yeah, because like I said, I don't want to say there's a right and the wrong way because some people, even adults, process everything differently. So like for me, death it's going to sound horrible, is not. I don't know. I don't like my grandfather died. As much as I miss him, I didn't cry. I don't have that. It's just life really, but like and some adults are like that, which I don't know how I'm going to explain. I think I'll just try and figure out when that happens.
But if there's any parents out there who experienced it communicated it in a way with the kids that's been received really well, we would love to do your thoughts.
Allow if there's an expert out there that's gone, you know, the best way to do it. But like everyone's going to be different, right, Like I was just going to be different to Marley. If I said to Oscar like, you know, blah blah blah, it has been really unwell and unfortunately they passed away. I don't know how he would.
Yeah, I mean, Marley's had really big emotions and there's a little part of us where we're thinking, are those big emotions right now results of the news that we dropped in her last week? Not sure? Not sure? But yeah, we got the funeral coming up in a couple of days, So.
I don't want to Yeah, I don't want to end on that note, but I want to ask a question as well. On top of that weekend funeral versus weekday.
Funeral, we're doing Friday.
It's a Friday. I'm gonna say weekend funeral.
We got Friday funeral Hawaiian shirts. No way, that's pretty cool Hawaiian shirt funeral.
Yeah. I went to a friend of mine dad's funeral, which his favorite color was red, so we all wore.
Red, all sexy. It was a funeral, so Lenny is up there listening in. He was a big fan of the show. Yeah so mate, Rest in peace.
Rest in peace, Lendie we yes, and I'm sorry for you and your family to go through something like that.
Thank you. I appreciate that. That's okay. If you've enjoyed this episode, we would absolutely love it if you were to share with anyone. Obviously, we love making the podcast. We hope you enjoy listening to the podcast. The only way we can keep going is if we have an audience.
So sorry about all the death chat.
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The Facebook group. Go to Facebook type and two Doting Dads. Also, Father's Day is around the corner, and the perfect Father's Day gift is.
Of course, the book a kid's book written by yours truly us two Doting Dads, The Quest for Free Time.
Sorry to interrupt that it is available anywhere any good bookshop you would like.
Hey, big W twelve bucks, bargain.
Boom, that's going to be w. I'm going to buy them out.
And that note, let's get out of here.
See You.
Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land