#84 There's Nothing Funny About A Hot Sigh!

You gotta be careful this table.

It is a wobbly table, one of the wobbliest. I didn't want to say anything, but the conditions we're recording in right now are less than ideal. Also because someone has got their grumby pants on.

Today, I've got very good reasons for that.

Just give me a giggle. Welcome back to two doting dads.

I'm Maddie Jay and and this.

Is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable. And if you've come wanting any advice, stop right now, Thank you very much.

I need some given that table and ranch there? Mate?

Am I sorry?

Hands off? You're a right stood. Let's just sit here.

Should we start again?

No?

Should we start again? Should we clean the slate? No, because right now the slate is messy. I like it's sticky.

It's sticky. I am grumpy. Yes, let's just address the elephant then we can move forward. Yeah.

Please?

Do you like that?

Are you grumpy? Because I made you make me two pieces of toast?

That's my biggest grass.

I started eating into your nutlegs.

The hospitality sized nutlegs.

Is that it is that what you're not about no.

No, no, As you know, I've been moving and before.

Sorry I didn't I didn't know if you're completely different.

Wait what we've moved? Before I get into why I'm cranky. The only thing that went my way yesterday was a four pack of Stonewood pacific Ale. After a full day of moving seven o'clock, I think we kicked off, finished off at four o'clock, put the foot on it and I was like, we had to open the fridge and it was beaming back at me. There was sunshine.

Did you know what was er? Or was it a surprise four pack in the new house? Was Frank you new landlord? Like where the fuck is my stone? Would gone?

And You're like, shut Frank doesn't drink perfect? But no it was. I think it was just in with all the food that came over. It's been placed in the fridge accidentally cooled down and there it is the pacific Ale.

One of the bands. We had a few on the weekend as well.

We did right to that. That's the first sit down lunch at April and I have ever been to.

You're welcome, remember I said to you.

I was like, what do we what do you do there? I've never eaten sitting down before, like you know what I mean, like a you know, a nice table. The chef it was beautiful. Food was top shelf.

Very good and made even better accompanied by a delicious drop of Stone and Wood Pacific. Well, yes, cheers, my guy. I'll cheer you up once again.

Hopefully, and thank you to Stone and Wood for making these episodes possible.

The only way is up from here, only winds and upwards.

But yes, a little bit cranky. I'm just cranky because I've just had enough of it. I've just had enough of this landlord. Instead of going through the usual channels, what you would do is where you've got you just deal with the real estate agent. And you know they do it all the time. He's seeing the move through his eyes as the owner, so he would go through and be like, well, these guys have to clean the place. That's fine, I have no dramas with that. I've got

What is your can? I ask the cleaner because for those of you who are unaware, we are recording in Frank's house today, popularly April's beloved dad, and your cleaners are in there at the moment. They're in there right now, right now. And so what he's because he before we started recording your phone was like ding ding ding dinging. So he's in there with the cleaner.

He's gone in to interrogate the cleaner on what they're doing. This is what I'm dealing with.

Let the cleaners what I'm.

Working with, right But he's also going through and seeing things through his eyes as the owner and not the third party, which should be the estate agent, and go through and tick off what's been clean whatsoever. So he's trying to get us too clean as much as possible for him so he can put it on the market spick and span. You don't even though when I moved in there it was subpar, but we didn't complain.

That's and that's the worst part. Whenever you move into somewhere new, you never like you're just in the rush of like you know, getting boxes in there and you're unpacking. You just want to get it set up. You never actually go through, like start to finish and take notable the things that are already broken. So right now, like stains that you're like, well that was there when we moved in it's like, we'll prove it we're fucking dying because we have a photo.

Through the condition report. But the thing is he had three real estate agents over two years looking after the place, so he kept changing because they're probably sick of dealing with it through the agent, because he's why they have the audacity to ring us up and go, hey, do you guys have a condition report because we don't have one.

It's a hurricane right now.

Yeah, and he's like you need to come and clean the debris. Get fucked over it. Anyway. I don't want to talk about this whole I'm.

No therapist, but it sounds like you're annoyed.

I am annoyed. Also, what he's paying for is just moving in general. Let's put him aside. Let's not make this episode about him.

I told you, bro, you should have got removalists. No, no, you should have hide the help it was.

I had a mate help me esday. We had a truck. It was pretty easy because it all went into story.

I'm annoyed you did nasty by the way.

I needed someone stronger. Ah, fuck you do you have a truck?

I can get one. How meigs?

You want the biggest truck?

I look at I've got Look at those callouses. That's from jerking off ed. I can lift tables.

Nice, you've been working out with those hands I have.

I knew this was coming, and I was like, I'm going to get myself like removalless fit for the occasion. And then I was waiting for the phone call. I was sitting there next to my mobile phone. Anything any second now, the bone will go off and it'll be as asking for help. And it never came.

The good thing is we were moving into somewhere else at the end of next month, so it can help me. Then got another month of training.

Very busy, very busy. I feel like it's an elite level of friendship. Once you're being asked to move house.

I don't like to ask because then they I have to help them when they need to be I was like, oh fuck.

That's when you cut them off just we're moving house.

Also have to deleted his number well.

Because the house you saw, because everyone must be waiting with baited breath, real worried. Ash. I've had many people message me saying is Ash, okay, will the family be homeless? And I'm happy to say no, the house that you saw last week.

Oh yes, we have decided to move into that house. Yeah, which is a friend about So shout out to Jim and Amy. They're probably not listening, but shout out to you guys coming in at the last moment rescuing the Wixes.

It always works out, it does to good people. That's true, to good people, true.

But I just want this, honestly, I just want this landlord to get off my back, just go away. I even said on the last message, can you please communicate through the real estate agent moving forward because I'm done with you?

And he was like, okay, and you stop messaging A I stop messaging you said bye.

So this is it.

Okay, see you later.

Yeah, I spent the whole day. Yes, are they moving? And you just you accumulate so much shit with kids.

I'm not a holder. Far from it. Although even old clothes, clothes from when the kids are one and two, obviously they're three and five now, I've been told and I don't want to throw I don't want to throw it out. I want to throw away the memories. And I find that hard. Maybe it's just me.

In some instances you're like yeah, but then like you've got to just be ruthless, and.

You threw away Macy, she's moved out.

People coming like, oh, moving is a night man, they've got no kids. I'm like, don't you fucking dare talk to me about how it's a nightmare for you have a couple of kids, and then move a house because you're like, I filled up a whole storage which can fit a whole car and more. And then higher up apparent allegedly.

So what's clogging up your storage?

First of all the main pieces of furniture that we need for the new place that we can't store here, that's hot, and then like that's got one side, it's boxes and box.

A lot of toy throw them out.

April threw so much stuff out.

Burn them because the best thing is, my friend, kids are very dumb. They forget.

No, I'm going to challenge you on this because you're coming across stuff right, and you've got no emotional attachment to it, and you don't know that your kid has an emotional attachment to it. But then you're like throw it out like yesterday, I don't know if you remember the remote control skateboard Ninja turtle. How can I forget that's in storage right? Which I don't think he's just

To get out from storage.

No no, no, no, not opening that can of worms. As soon as you open that can of worm, so it'll be like just go and get it. Yeah, okay, no, no, so you've got to be firm. You gotta be firm. So yeah, yesterday was like, there's still so much in the house to get out anyway. So then that pile of the landlord makes Ash cranky.

I feel like the first ten percent of like packing up is good.

You're like, this is great in progress, good.

Progress, good headway. I'll be done in a day or two. Fuck it just it gets slower and slower and it's never ending. Yeah.

When I spoke to you, excuse me, oh my goodness. But when I spoke to you yes afternoon, I was a defeated man. I was like, I'm defeated today you are. I am absolutely defeated. So let's talk about other things.

Okay, I'll talk about a story that I want to tell you about.

Please distrack me with something good. It's better be good. Look, no pressure.

This is a story that is going to sound almost arrogant. This is very much a story which is tuning my own horn. And Ash you know me very well. I don't like to toot my own horn too much.

I'm setting this up.

I want other people toot my horn. I want to be laying there as my horn is being tutored if you know what I'm saying away, let me edge you. Okay. So I went down to the local cafe with Buster the three legged dogs, who I have to say is an absolute local favorite people.

He's a bondik.

They love them, they love them. It's always awkward as well when someone is patting your dog, having a moment with your dog, and you just got to stand there.

And they give you not and you gives a good boy. You're like, I'm a good.

Boy, and so you know, in that moment, I find it. It's easy. It's less awkward if you make a bit of conversation. So a few times to a few different people, you know, I've gotten to know them, okay, because of the dog. Because of the dog.

They really they're your dog's friends and you're like friend by association.

As I was waiting for my coffee the other day, Sue, lovely suit. Sue happens to be about eighty. She's come up to me and eight year old eighty year olds who was lovely.

She sounds like a really nice she's the nice.

Type of old. She hasn't gotten Yeah, she hasn't gotten ashold. She doesn't dementia, hasn't taken the joy out of her yet yet great And so she's having a nice moment with Buster. And I did remember, Sue, and I said, where's your dog suit? Okay, okay, I shouldn't have asked that question.

Oh she's gone.

She was padding Buster and she was mid pat and she stopped. She froze, and I thought, oh god, I've hit a nerve here. She took a big breath and she said, my dog is no longer with us.

Oh dramatic.

And I said, what happens, Sue? Unfortunately her dog can't remember the name Jack Russell.

Though, really good friends you are, Jack Russell.

He was fifteen he passed away.

Okay, well that's a good innings.

And Sue said that she.

Was distraught fifteen years.

Lis by herself her son's move away. Son is living in Coffs Harbor. I can't remember his name. But if you're around, call your mom. Give her some help. She's struggling right now. And I said, sir, will you get another dog? And she said, I plan on getting another dog. I want to get a rescue dog. There's four dogs that I'm looking at right now, Greyhounds Ash Rescue Greyhounds that She's trying to decide between get.

Off four stopping to puss get all.

Four start racing him, and I was like, what's the hold up? When are you going to pick them? And she said, I need to go out to the rescue shelter. It's out in Penrith, past Penrith, so from Bondye it's over an hour away.

Have you committed to take you, Sue out there?

Look in the moment, in the moment, it's like just before when I offered to help you move I don't actually want to help you move house. I'm just being.

Polite, and I appreciate I got caught.

Up in the moment. She goes, I can't drive, so I can't get out there. But you're out Hello.

You there.

She's trying his best not to what eyes just fucking popping out of its socket. So she said maybe it'll be a week, two weeks. I'm trying to get someone to drive me out there. And I said, Sue, look, I said take my number, and I said, if you need someone to drive you out there, I would love to help out.

You are a great guy. And I was gonna say this Sue to.

Yawn, So she hasn't messaged me. I said, I'll be annoyed if you don't message me.

Sick and just I'm just a good guy.

He gave it the wrong number, she did. You know she's been old, hard of hearing. I did say it's a tricky because there's a two three two three, the double two three, and it does stun people. She did seem a bit confused on the double two three. I don't know if she's taking it down correctly, but I've not seen her since. She hasn't messaged, but I'm like, again, follow through. I would, Can I come? I would if you want to. Yeah, I mean, I mean film. We

Shush suit shoo shoe, Sue, that's lovely, thank you, and an osker, I know it was just you were just being polite and you will never let her should be disappointed.

She called me an angel, which you do these things ash, not for the reward.

You're probably skipping back up the street going I am an angel. I am an angel. You dog did a ship and he didn't pick it up.

We just we just watched a movie called One Time. I think it's a story about this guy who saves like six hundred Jewish children of World War two?

Right, And it sounds like too much of an effort, And it.

Was an amazing story. So I've just watched that the night before and so that's still running through my brain.

What you did is the equivalent, that's the modern day equivalent.

Literally, I was like, I didn't I need to leave a legacy behind.

I've committed to helping an eight year old lady go out to Penrith, but I haven't actually said organized a time.

So when are you thinking next Thursday? Oh, I can't do Thursdays. Thursday's about Monday. I flat out on my day to.

Wash my hair.

Yeah, sorry, that's my hair washing day.

I can't go.

We'll do it. So anyone out there, if you see someone elderly, talk to them, help them out.

The gaslightinger a little bit bit, a little bit speaking of gaslighting. Oscar has learnt gaslight me and he's doing a very good job. So before we moved into this house, the other house was two stories. The bedroom was upstairs. Nice, you can talk you like a twelve story matter. One of the villas, one of the villains we have, there's just two stories floor the fourth floor is the fourth floor, so I just take the lift, the glass lift. Glass bottom lies. So Oscar has learned to gas like me,

What kind of Yeah, let's not go into it.

Oscar, he's been able to dress himself for a long time. Yeah, he's shown up, but it would take forever for me to get him to do it. You know, get dressed, Come on, get dressed. It's always a nightmare. First thing in the morning. He's rolling around and comfy pajamas, eating a fucking slice of toe yeah, with a finger in his nose. And you're like, mate, that's good, get dressed.

Don't disrupt this.

But how I figured out that it's too good to be true is instead of just being like, yeah, i'll do it, just saying yeah, he said to me very politely, yes, daddy, I will get dressed for you. Now. First of all, I thought, oh, that's lovely, great, and I thought, can't bullshit a bullshit it? Bro, can't do it.

Well, what happened?

So I left it. He's upstairs, he quiet, I'm thinking he's getting dressed. Well, he thinks that I think that he's getting dressed. And I was like, I'll leave it, just give him ample time to actually follow through, follow through. And I got distracted as well, and it'd been like twenty twenty five minutes, and I thought, I'll go and check where he's at. Hasn't moved a fucking muscle, a little bustard, so he's gotten an extra twenty five minutes of playing with his toys before I've gone. And I

I don't know if Oscar does this. Marley's also turned in little bit of a gas lighter. I feel like it's the age gas lighting starts at five ish.

It's a critical stage of the child's Literally, this is how weak her gas lighting is.

So I'll say to Marley, just a bad gas lighting game, very bad.

She needs to get better.

It needs to up a games.

Marley loves to be in control of the remote. She loves it. She loves to hold the remote anyway, saying, turn the TV off, ignores me, Turn the TV off, ignores me, turn the TV off. Got very angry and she goes, WHOA, Well, I thought you said keep the TV on. And I'm like what and she goes, yeah, that's what I thought you were saying. You said you want it off off, just got ask for it. Bro.

It's like when you like accidentally say like a confusing sentence and someone pulls you up on it, where you're like, please, don't stop, Like don't stop, all right, all right, gotcha? Speaking of that age, both of our kids are getting to that age five, they're going to start to lose their baby teeth. With Oscar just going to the dentists and getting a metal tooth the dentists.

Gas does he have a cap? Or is it?

It's a crown? It's a Transformer crown. What do you mean by That's what he told him? It was because they're just which one is the mouth salesman it's like a molar or none of my like a gun like there, it looks pretty gangster, to be fair.

Yeah it sounds.

Yeah, it's till it falls out, So that too is going to fall out, right.

Yeah you want to It does fall back to the dentist.

Cashing it in, you know, it's like we collect scrap metals. I used to work with this guy and his kid lost her too, and apparently she was upset for days because she lost the two. Yeah, they just can't comprehend it. So there's all these different must.

Be so strange.

But also before teeth fall out, they get loose, right can you remember as a kid, like you're like, oh, I got to lose tooth for the first time, and then all of a sudden that comes out. You're like, oh, either they come out that way or your parents in that generation would be like, let me tie this to a door handle and rip it out for you, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I still like watch videos on social media with people tying tooth to a NERF gun bullet and then firing it out.

Yeah. I found one that I want to show you. Oh yes that I thought you got. Maddie Jill love this because it might give us an idea. Just watch that. The gas.

The mom's laughing, Oh my god, there screams of fear.

I'm like, that's child of yours.

So what Matt's watching is a dad obviously, and the mum's filming. The mum's laugh is so funny, and the kid is screaming because his tooth is tied to a golf ball and dad's about to drive it into the bushes. When I saw that, I was shocked.

But also that level of fear sounded very real. The moment the tooth was ripped out, he realized, he was like, hey, I'm back. Yeah.

He was like the dad did a really really good job at diffusing the mood, so he was like hit the golf ball, looked at him and went great shot for the high five. And it also just sounds funny.

There's a moment though, her dad looks at the kid and he's like shit, and he's like, hey, yeah, that's great. Here's a couple of kids at day Kho've lost teeth, all boys, And I'm like, oh wow, like Timmy's lost the tooth. They've all like running the walls and fallen off trees. Yeah, how old are they when they start grade one or two ranges?

It varies. I had baby teeth for a long time, Like my dad was like, you like little piranha teeth for like, hang on for quite a while?

Well, what's quite a while? Give me some time for.

It into primary school like instantly?

Yeah, like apparently, okay, not to up your story, but my little brother, Tommy, Tommy Tommy was only born with three adult teeth. So the adult teeth because they weren't there. You know, you're born with all your teeth in your jaw. Okay, again, let's just put it out there. And then this is not a scientific podcast, so anything that we say here is purely a joke and satire. Only explain that to me, you were born with your adult teeth already in your

So if I X rayed the sign of Oscar's head, he would have two layers of teeth. That's some sort of freak.

Yeah, they shut up, they are there, no way, ye yep.

I could be wrong to be asked, April, April come here please. I should have said that more lovingly. Can we have you on the mic just for one sec? We've got a question.

I'm going to ask you a question and see if you know the answer. I'm may be wrong.

Here because everyone that's listening. Yes, I guess I feel like this is something in April would know answer.

Yes, April. Do you know that you were born with all your adult teeth already in your mouth? Yes? I did, definitely. And then like if you were X ray baby, you see the double wammy? Yeah? Yeah, yeah?

Are you fucking serious? That is an outstand Macy. Do you want to come and say something good night? No?

No, Macy? Who's your best friend? Can I?

MACI?

I'll pretend to be Macy? Thank you, Jay, I love you. Oh Maze, that's so sweet of you.

Yes, I handswer anyway, Sorry to completely hijack that I am blown away.

So my brother was only born with three adult teeth, so the baby teeth never fell out because your adult teeth weren't coming through and pushing them out.

They push him out.

Yeah yeah, dude, Yeah, my.

Knowledge of anatomy is so hard. How did I impregnate someone like that's my belly button? Yeah, if you put enough, it'll get there, it'll say.

So my brother has to get all implants.

Still so yeah, so does he still have his baby teeth?

Still?

Get him on the phone right now if you're like google Geger.

That's very offensive.

Shudder.

So he actually he got accepted as a case study for the University of Queensland Dental School because it.

Was such a rare case dental school.

So they he's not real, bra it's like a circus and they all it's a bunch of freaks. Yeah, they drink and they're watching it.

He got reaccepted back into daycare, so they.

Offered to do part of his dentistry. But the issue was because he didn't have the adult teeth, his jaw didn't grow, so he had to have his jaw broken, and like, yeah, it's oh my god, it's a journey.

To know what. There's some dentists behind that going, we've got one, We've got one. We're going to make an absolute motter out of this man, boy child, whatever you want to call him.

He's going to tell We're just going to tell.

Him that he's got baby teeth.

He won't see the X rays, he won't know we're going to break his jaw. Shout out to Tom who was single.

By the way, he sounds like a real cash.

So on the weekend, Ash we were looking at a friend's property that's being renod So we said, how's it going with the renovations and they said, good, you know the place, it's like a strip right back.

Did you offer to do any work for them? You're like, here's my number.

I'll pick up some wood for you if you need. I was like, I can build decks. Didn't accept my offer, that's fine, but they said you could go have a look at it. The keys are hidden in this spot, so like around the weekend, if you want, you can go have a look because we've ripped out the kitchen, we've ripped out the bathrooms. Like, you won't know the place because it's it's completely demoed all like the skeleton framework. Good bones, great bones, the right time.

When boomers say that about a house. Yeah, it's a bit of a it's a bit of a red eyed job. It's got good bones. It's a fucking timber dickhead.

So we're looking at the house and it was in the morning. I'd had my tripleshot coffee and as we're walking through, well, you know, we're looking at the place and wow, my god, it's going to be amazing with the kitchen is going to go here, and the bathroom will look great as well. So they ripped out pretty much everything.

Just before you continue, your friends have asked you to come over and look at an empty house.

It's down the road, so it's empty. Yeah, we just said.

I thought. I was thinking, you're going to walk in and be like, whoa, this is amazing. It's beautiful what they've done to the place. But it's a fucking you just said it's empty.

Yeah, it's it's construction site, so like just taking a good look. We were admiring.

It's such a dad admiring construction coming straight down there.

So we're walking through. Everything is pretty much gone except for the toilet. And Laura has told the story stealing the content of two doting dads on their.

Podcast Get Your Own Content.

And I went to the toilet, I've done a pooh.

Was the water running well?

I didn't check.

I just assumed.

I assumed, Hey, the builders are here. The builders have to go to the toilet. So they ripped out everything except for the toilet, so that obviously must be still in use.

I've got the builders sauna out the front, aren't.

They what's the builders saw? Oh no, no, no, no, it wasn't no portal. So I was like, obviously the toilets are still in use, and there was toilet paper, fresh toilet paper.

Oh okay, well let's six again.

It wasn't.

Quinton dropped me.

So I've done a pooh epis and gone to flush it. Nothing. Nothing, and I'm like, oh god. And the big one it was medium size.

What was it.

I'm eating a lot of steak at the moment, so they're very rich.

Have you taken up my diet?

You have?

Have you?

You know I'm not just eating I'm eating carbs as well, but lots of steak. It was very stinky. I'll put my hand up and say that my poos do smell guilty as charged. And Laura is like, oh my god, I can't you've done that, and like it's fine. They must have turned the water off. I'll turn it back on,

Did they buy it?

Yeah, they're like, oh that's okay.

It's a real big stinky on She's ships heaves, it's all the time. I told her not to do it. The water is not it. Does she know now or I've not told her this?

And yeah, I'll tell.

People on her podcast.

She told them that, well she thinks that that was it. And Matt had to message and and he you know, so she doesn't know. I did message them, but I said it was her, not.

Me, cheeky bugger. Oops. So can you please let us know reaction of this, because that as a classic stitch up and that's something that I would do to April that it'd be great.

Laura had to do it pool as well. We like to puoh and sink and I was like just doing doing in the garden. I was like, there's a shovel here, I'll think you were whole and she was like no, the neighbors can see. And I was like, just do it.

And I called you yesterday and you're like, I just had to stop at Macasa. Laura can do it. She's a shitter's a shit machine. That reminds me of when I used to be a painter, an apprentice painter, and used to work on high rises and surface paradise and early on when the painters are in.

Question, Yeah it was a high rise mostly glass or what are you painting.

The inside of it? That you goose?

All right, don't have to yell.

I used to do the outside as well, and there was like a lot of like around the back.

I don't need your last story, bro, gonna.

Play tip out, don't you know? Anyway, So when the pain has come in, not an analogy. When the pain has come in, it's usually early on, before the toilet's in, But there's always the toilet pipe and there'd be some filthy plasters that will just ship down the pipe walking. Sometimes you walk into one of the units, you'll be like.

Do they wash it down with anything?

I just like because the water's not running up there?

Yeah, but could you get like a bucket of water and nothing?

Just like, well, they didn't care that, you know. They just snap it off. Animals, I just snap it off and move on with their day like a dog.

Oh, God.

Yeah. Anyway, that was reminded me of that it.

Wouldn't last five minutes in that scenario.

Of jumps up there, falthy animal. Should we go into parenting lies? It's back again.

Tell me lidell.

All right, Matt, I have a couple of lives for you that don't want to just quickly rattle off.

Please.

People have written I thought you would never ask excuse me, I'm trying to get through a sentence talking on the top of you. I always I let's all just calm down. Sorry, You in particular really got to hate it there. These are from people that have written in Matt. So you can write into us at two Doting Dads. You can DM us or you can go to the Facebook group.

Which is absolutely pumping pumping. It is going off.

Pumping.

My favorite used to be reading the reviews that we don't really get that much of. My new favorite thing is the request coming through in the Facebook.

Yeah. I need to jump on and mate, get in there. I've been busy this week.

People will fucking lose it if the big ash and Weeks makes an appearance.

The big guy.

I've told them all that's a guys, guys. He's busy moving house. Wait till he moves house. Then he'll come here and you won't be able to get rid of him. Get him off here?

Why is there a picture of his Peanuts on here? Okay, so this one's been recent. In really quick one, they say pumpkin is actually orange potato.

I guess their kids must like potato then, right, Yeah, if you kids likes potato, I suppose that's very good.

I got another quick one for you, please, which I really like because you know how we would always say and we do get this one a lot. It's like we always tell the kids, no, it's spicy, when it's not so that they don't have any It's a classic. That's a classic. This says, my ice cream has wine in it. One more from me and I'm done.

Okay, three today you're treating.

Me treats sweet treats with wine in it. Keaton tells his kid the naughty boy bus would come and pick him up and take him away if you can, you to be bad the.

Naughty boy bus, the naughty boy bus.

To be honest, the naughty boy bus sounds pretty good, Oh, strippers on the naughty boy bus.

Okay, this one's from Lee Lee Migow. Sometimes I'll enjoy a cheeky ice cream after my kids are in bed.

Guilty yeah, and mcflurry after fucking Bawn.

And often my three year old finds the evidence in the morning. My response, Yes, Santa was checking in on us and he got really hungry.

That just on ice cream. Did you see that video of the guy? And I try and find it for socials If it works, it's like he's got the ice cream and then I let us leap over the top of it, and he's like you want some Like It's like, okay.

I often it's very good, very very good. I've also got three.

Oh well eight treats all around.

Just spoiling the listeners. Ash, it is what nothing? Someone just messaged you. Yes, I'm not going to tell you what it says. Come on, he says, Ash. Thanks for being such a great tenant. It's been a pleasure having you here, and we look forward to hopefully crossing parts once again in the future. Much love, that's a lie, ps love the podcast and I bought your book.

Do you just plainly lie to me that whole thing?

He message? But it's an email.

It's an email.

Yeah, good, Okay, interesting name. Jessemine.

That's not a real name. Yeah, get that checked.

Jess j E s A M, I N Jessem. I never met a Jessmine before. Interesting, beautiful name. Plenty of time for Jessemine. If I have a third child, I'll call it Jessemine.

Okay.

Once my husband packed some Canadian clubs terrible drink Center Woods. That's the first mistake into my then four year old's luggage on a trip to the Gold Coast. My son thought it was soft drink and cracked a can and took a sip. He told us straight away. He must have felt guilty. She says. I pretended to call a nurse who told me if he didn't eat an apple he would have to have his stomach pumped. He's ten now and he often talks about his near miss of

He's obviously seen a few times they can being opened.

Jessimine lacks a drink. Last one ash from Leela. Leila says, whenever my daughter had a tantrum from toddler age, my stepmom would say look a mouse, and they'd run around the house trying to look for it. It worked every time to distract her. It's now been passed on to my son and nieces and nephew. My daughter is nine and I still think she looks for a mouse along with her brother and her cousins.

So a distraction.

My mom does that, dude, No, my mom goes. My mom goes, it's a white cat. It's a white cat in the backyard. And Lola's like, what the fuck?

So distraction, that's genius.

Random animals.

I can to try it.

Cut outside. Oh my god, it's a bluebird. Try it, dude.

I know you were saying that. Lola was like, shut up.

Just interrupting this episode to let you know that we have partnered with GWM for this year's City to Surf. You may have seen recently on our socials that I have taken on the role of head coach, whipping Ash into shape, getting him race day ready. Because it's not just Ash and myself completing the fourteen kilometers the eleventh of August, We've decided to bring along the kids. Yes, Marley and Oscar will be in a very special GWM prem So if you're watching the race on the weekend,

I have a question for you, Matt.

Go on.

It's been burning at me for days. You've got two girls. And I walked past a place that does ear piercing the other day and there was a young girl in there about Macy's as getting her ears pierced. Now I felt a bit uneasy about it.

What made you feel an easier Let me just explain to you.

How I felt in total as a whole. First of all, I was like, there's a child being hurt. My first initial reaction. It was also I don't know, I just felt like for the parents, not judging. Dave decided that now it is the right time for them to you know, that's their business. But at the same time, I felt like, wouldn't that really hurt the child? And is she not happy with the situation? She didn't seem unhappy.

Was the child screaming?

No? No?

She was shut up? You keep on walking, man.

Well look this is what I mean. I was nervous for That's what it was. I was nervous for her, the impending I've got I've had my ears piers before.

How have you? Yeah?

Both of them?

Did you? Did you have a little diamond one? What do you have? Hoops?

Though they were pearls. They were love List stole them of the maid. Yes, I did have my ears pears shocker.

What kind of studs did you have?

They were like black?

It's racist.

It was very emo. Right where are you?

I forget that? You hit a big emo face.

I did not.

We went to I too, and you sang every single word.

That's just being a millennial.

How old were you ash when you got your ears?

I was like seventeen and my dad hated it.

Did it hurt?

Yeah?

For how long afterwards? It feels like years?

A while but I was like, so a couple of mixed emotions. I think I was just nervous for the little girl with a pending paint. But then I was also like, what age is the right age? Is there a wrong age? Like for you with two girls and I've got Macy, she's quite young. I still think it'd be too young. But what age do you think?

I think you put it on the kids. I think I've seen toddler's getting the ear If I.

Said to Oscar, do you want to get a tattoo?

Like, yeah, given one, then dude, I've seen toddlers get the ear piers. I think that's too young. But I think if your child Marley has asked to have ears pierce. She sometimes loves with stickers, to put the stickers on the ear and be like, look, daddy, I got my ears piers, and I'm like, that's great. If she genuinely wanted to get it done, I'd be like, yeah, if you really it's gonna hurt. If you really want.

It, you wouldn't force it upon them though, no, no, up to them.

I remember I this vivid some memories to stick out.

That's called trauma.

My sister. I think she must have been about twelve. She was getting her ears pierced, and I was with her and Mum in the shopping center while she was getting done. I remember the screams she was hiding, like under the bed we sit on to get it done and being like no, And I.

Remember which she wanted them to done.

She wanted it done. She just freaked out when when it came to the moment of getting it done. It's like going on a roller coaster.

That's like sex. I guess I get scared.

Yeah, And I just remember that moment of her being like wow, like why do people get this done? But if Marley came to me and said I really want my ears pierced, and she continued with that request for a couple of weeks, and I was saying, it's really going to her, but if you really want it done, we can go get it done. She wants it, sure would you.

I think it's like it's a show, like a YouTube of at first, but this is what's going to happen to see. It's not that you want to deter them.

Like I think it's a good introduction to pain making decisions and those repercussions.

Very well said not the medical advice either not a psychology.

I wanted to get my ears pierced, but my mom wouldn't let me. I had frosted tips and I was like, all I need now is an ear piercing, and they look as complete.

She was, I wonder if they could, if we could get a video of and sync and superpose our heads to it, And I just mental note, that'd be fun edge myself to it. I've said edging three times in the one episode.

Question for you. Yes, we had this one come in. I can't remember the name, but it stood out. There's been a unique question, how many times do your kids fart per day?

Let me just get the let me get the notepad out, tally them up. No, I don't tally him up. I would say. My kids get accused of fighting more than the actual fart. Oh you're I'm like Oscar, it was me this guy, and because Macy can't fight back, it's always ends up being Macy.

But surely April must another difference between like a Macy or Oscar fart versus.

Your yeah not quite trumpety. Also smell wise, yeah, Macy stinks. Marley's stink changed the nappy the other day. I saw anus wink, Oh my god, and I was like, that's one.

You know what, you know what's funny, though, I don't know if your kids are similar. In the car this morning, I let her for fart and it's all the steak that makes maybe very very stickys are good. They're like, dude, they're so pungent. And the kids in the back of the car, Lolla just goes, hey, someone fat, and I go, yeah, it was me as she goes and they're not that affected by the smell, like they were like all right.

I just think it's so normal. Yeah, But like as you get older, it gets funnier and more frowned upon.

And also at what age do people start getting more disgusted in farts?

I think there's like a scale, not a scale, like a graph, and you go from being it funny to being it's disgusting, back to it being funny again, and like our age now so funny, fast of the best.

So like if Laura is a fart, that's like I'm like, that's funny. When Laura is a fine and it's like I'm like, ah, it's like a hot like a hot sigh.

Like a hot sigh out of her ain hot? Oh what where did that come from? All? Right?

Like this morning I had this side the deep depths of summer. Sorry, Laura, I love you.

I fucking lost it. I was in the car this morning with the heater on and my father than that hit different. There's a couple of farts.

Hot sigh but in a sauna.

Oh yeah, what about like when you're fart in the shower and it's like so much stinkier a hot sigh in the shower.

Okay, let's let's get out of here.

That's talk.

If you've enjoyed this episode, maybe please send it on to anyone out there who you think may benefit in some way. Yeah, maybe just keep it to yourself. Also, we love a review, either a upper podcast or Spotify. It is the only thing that keeps Ashen myself happy in this mad world.

We'll go and join the Facebook group at dads on Facebook and we will accept you. We'll accept anybody point and joining.

The longest wait is about one hour so far. Oh, I do have the very first ten people who joined the Facebook group. I'm going to give them a prize other people who join, But I think that's it.

That's it today And we'll see you guys.

No, actually Ash is away next week.

I am someone's going to be filling in, So it's Laura, Yeah, Laura and potentially Ellie as well.

Yeah.

Enjoy that one tile in. Say hi. Just make sure everything's running smoothly perfect.

Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight island of people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land