#83 Are you a Folder, a Scruncher or a Raveller?

Can I say one thing?

If I say noll, you'd not do it.

I went upstairs to your bedroom just now. I may have snooped around.

Did you sniff Monday's?

Absolutely? Also, whilst I was mid sniff, I looked at your bed and notice that it's very big. What size is that?

That is a super king.

That must be delightful.

It is good. It's nice to sleep in a different postcode.

Are you the left are your left side?

I'm closest to the window closes an intruder.

Love that when you're having sex, do you normally favor the left side? Middle or where do you end up?

I'm asexual. Actually that is.

Not true at all.

You're an absolute I am not.

I can smell your erection from here.

That and you probably should see a doctor about it.

Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie.

J and I am Ash.

And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is.

The bad and the related.

And if you've come wanting any type of advice, any crumb, any slither, stay clear. We don't give it, never will, never have, never intend to.

Must leave that generic statement at the front just in case.

So where do we begin?

Where do we again? Before we begin, we just want to acknowledge Stonewood. And I was drinking of stone and Wood on tap at the airport yesterday. And we always talk about best places for a beer. Airport beer.

It's top shelf.

It's up there with shower beer.

What time, Ash, Because you had a very early flight, did you have a morning beer? I?

Look, I was tempted, but I did have a big day ahead of me essay, So no, I did have one on the way back, as like a little you've finished the day today, you're on your way home, commuting home, and yeah, I had a nice Pacific ail on tap by yourself.

Are you sitting in the air just a solo stone and wood? Ah, that's heaven.

And I even just had my head, my noise canceling headphones in with nothing on, just enjoying the silence and tasting every aroma of that Pacific stone wood.

It's an absolutely delightful drop. And I'm just gonna cheers if I'm a just one second, Ash, cheers, cheers. I was going to say, even better than an airport beer is when I get to sit here with a mic in front of me, in front of my favorite co host.

Your only co host, you oh sipping a stone.

Wood out of a can, which we don't often do.

And for the last time in this house. Yes, I am being moved on. Before we do move on though, thank you to Stone and Wood as always for making these episodes possible. But I am mid move As you can see, there's a little bit going on.

How are you feeling.

I'm fucking over it. To be honest, I rang you last night. I was fucking you had an event, I had a really big evan and I'm just so off it. I'm off it. There's just everything happens at once. Why can't it just be like, hey, Ash, you need to move out of your house at some point in the next couple of months. Okay, cool, not hey get out? And then he's bullshitted to us that he wants to sell it. It's Garby, that's just just man up, you fucking peeheart, wrinkly old.

Yes, okay, I love the past. Put that out it is you're doing. Can I just say you guys are doing a great job.

Oh, thank you doing a great job.

I can only begin to appreciate how stressful life is right now for you guys, especially because you're also going away next week.

Away. Next week you're going to work trip if they work trips on a cruise ship, but I am working.

What's what's the house that you're seeing?

You've got just a friend of ours. They're moving away and it happens to be around about the same time we get back from this trip.

So can they do the old like cheeky handball to you so you don't have to do it like they do.

They own it, ah, so it could work out really well, fingers cross. April's happy because that's all that matters to me.

Have you been there to the house?

I've been there before, but I was on the piece and I can't remember what it was like and was like, have you been there? I was like, no, I remember, because if I'd have said yeah and I was on the piece, she would have been like, tell me it was a square meterage blah blah blah blah. But we are going up today to have a look at it. You're going to cut us a deal that I mean, it's you know, they're moving away as like a trial as well, so it's they're moving just up the coast

How do you feel then about your friend becoming your landlord?

I tell you right now, anyone would be better than the current landlord I have now. Donald Trump would be better than the current landlord I have now. The guy I have now is the absolute bottom feeder of human race there is. And if he's listening, and I know he's got kids that are my age two that live in the area, If they're listening, I fucking hate you.

And anyway, let us know how you really feel, like, don't hold back.

No, they just he was here the other day, like walking around like given here, he was here. He had to fix the beam. He made April cry, he's just a funck with.

Why doesn't he fix the beam after you guys are gone?

Because it's a long story, but it's a piece of shit. Yeah, he's like, I'm thinking about just selling it. And then he's like, I've got the builders coming to fix what I complained about. Now that I'm moving out, he's going to fix it.

Something doesn't add up. Something's a bit off here.

I hope the place burns down.

But not impacting the neighbors.

No, fuck the neighbors too, Okay, fuck yeah. Fuck Damn, I'm just I'm off it.

Damn I'm off it.

Are you off me? No? I'm off them? I'm off everyone love you but you and April I said, I love you, thank you, I love you too.

That made me say it again one more. You were on the Sunny Coast.

I did fly a couple of things quick look at.

Your fucking stories and I was like, are you smuggling a bomb on the plane? What do you get?

Some funny looks? I've never done this before. I took a carry on cake home with me from the Sunny Coast. So yesterday I did go to the Sney Coast to see our good friend Andy Cooks to do a baking video, which would be really fun when it comes out is YouTube. We might get Maddie Jane Volve next time, because I know that you probably know your way around a cake.

Very good baker. I really enjoyed my baking. I didn't picture you as been much of a baker.

And he was impressed. And honestly, what was you doing? I have never you know, I'm not a perfectionist like you. I am far from it, and I'm quite happy with that. I'm happy with that about me. I like that we're not both like that. That there's one of us canna be like, yeah, it's all right, and the other one could be like that we're need to redo it, because it sort of brings us both into line.

In some we meet in the middle.

We meet in the middle of a lot, and that's good. I like that. But with cake, with frosting, a cake, All of a sudden, I'm the Maddy j of caking.

And I'm rubbing off on you.

I even said it to Andy. I'm like, who am I? It was like my adhd was went. I was just like, I'm like, no, no, no, no no. He's like trying to move us on, and I'm like, no, no, no, no no no.

Maybe you found your secret calling.

I couldn't do it every day.

I reckon.

Nah.

I look, I have a lot of respect for cake decorators and bakers because it's very it's really therapeutic.

I feel like cake decorators don't get the recognition they deserve.

I know absolutely. It's just about it took the words right out of my mouth, so I took the words right out of my man. Anyway, we can see later. There's two things. It's very therapeutic I find.

Yeah, it's nice to strike, nice to focus on something and activity. It's not too strenuous.

But also it's nice little sweet treat every now and then if you like little pet me up, you know, boom done. But also I couldn't it every day because I feel like I would get stuck with my own thoughts for too long.

I did actually for a brief period. This is before I like was on reality TV. For those of you who don't know, I wasn't a show called Beauty and the Beast.

I thought it was called Just the Tip.

I worked for. I come read the name of the magazine. They're a food mag and I was just like an assistant, like a little bitch if you will, and we just made food. We would make like six dishes.

A day, yeah yeah, yeah, and we would.

Shoot them all and then we'd like finish one, shoot it onto the next and just eat and oh yeah, I ate NonStop. But it was I couldn't do that. I couldn't do it. Was nice to dabble in the world.

But not to do it every day. No, it's not. It does take. I mean, like for pastry chefs, first of all, you're not real chefs, and second of all the things you do to do.

I love how like the pendulum swings so quickly from phrasing these people now just so quickly attacking.

I can't give them all. I can't give them everything. I can't give them everything.

I've got, decorators, fantastic, keep up the good work.

Pastry chefs, get a real job. No, apparently there is a beef between pastry chefs and real chef?

Is there there is? But look there's who Who's the.

Chef I was with yesterday, Andy Cook? But he's got a lot of respect for them. He has to say that. So I wasn't get canceled. But I don't, but I do in different ways anyway. Whatever, don't enough about that? Well, I made a cake and then I bring it back on an aeroplane.

Do you put on your lap or overhead? It was a seat you put on the seat.

It was a spar seat.

Perfect.

The guy next to me was like, there because what kind of cake was it? It was a red truck cake.

Lovely. As Oscar seen the cake, yeah.

This morning he got to see so I got home late last night.

As he tried the cake, he got some.

In his lunchbox today, little treat. Yeah, it's going to be lovely for him. But I did have to fly out fly back on the same day, and you know how taxing that me on the body and the mind. And just kidding.

It needs to be some kind of endurance race that's like four flights in a day.

There would bits called the Amazing Race. Continue carry on, we should do the amazing race.

Fuck?

No, why when you do with me?

No way?

Why we to loot? We travel well together.

Yeah, that's if we're just like going to like an airport, and.

What do you think would happen? We kill each other?

We kill each other?

Would we really?

We would fucking attach each other about No, I mean that in like a nice way.

We would kill each other with niceness. That's lovely. It'd be a nice chance to get away from our kids.

Yeah, in the most stressful environment possible.

It would make us better. We'd become closer, we would We.

Can't get any closer. The only way we could get closer if we start having sex.

Anyway, I had to go up and back in the same day, and as you know, that's a bit tricky because you got to go early. I'm about forty five to fifty minutes from the airport anyway. So in the morning, I got up and I went, was fucking freezing. Can I add it's.

A sunny coast.

No, no, here, sorry, here was freezing and here it was freezing anyway, Where did that accident come from? I was like, Oh, maybe I'll just book a latter flops. I didn't. I got up and I went and I got to the airport and I was really thought I was really running late. And then I got there and they were the people boarding. Wasn't final call, they was boarding,

In that moment where you heard your name being called on the PA system, where were you at in the process of the shit? Had you finish the pooh? Was the who's still coming out?

It has just completely fallen out of my rectum. Okay, great into the bowl, because that would.

Be very stressful if you kind of knew that you still you know, you're halfway through it leaving your body.

Yeah, but I heard the name and I went, perfect, I'm done right.

Let's just pray to the Pooh gods that it's like a one or two wipe scenario.

Well, I looked over to where the toilet paper is empty. A fuck, and I'm in a public toilet, So I can't just like get up off the toilet yell out, Oscar, bring me some toilet papers, right, Alaska, couldn't hear it because.

You're at home going dad's in trouble.

There's no one else in the toilet, no one else in this particular. It's very early in the morning and everyone's boarding the floor.

So just like open the door, shuffle or just pull your pants up.

I thought, what am I going to do? As you do, that goes through your mind, what am I going to do? So I poked my head out just to see if anyone's there, just to see if I could do the pants around the ankle, shuffle right to the stall to see there's any I don't know if it's any top paper in the one next to me this day. And then I'm thinking, if I do this mission, is someone going to walk in and see my fucking poe asshole as I'm shuffling to the next door? And is it worth it?

Why don't you just pull your pants up?

I didn't want to get shit in my pants and goes smells like shit.

But then surely, surely, I.

Look, it's five thirty in the morning. Bro, I've poked my head out. Okay, let me just run you through the story and then you can give me your criticism. I poked my head out to see I wigh up the option of whether to do this awkward shuffle where you're like, because you can't. You know, I didn't want to pull my pants up because I I didn't have any carry on. I had nothing. It was just me. I would stunk like shit for the whole day if I'd got shit on any part of my clothing.

I think surely you can, just like you can step in a way where your ass cheeks don't completely close.

How much control of your ass cheeks do you have?

Buy me a drink and.

Very good and you know how interesting my asshole.

Is yeah, I'm roid ridden.

Ridden, easy on, I'm very good now it's been downgraded from ridden. So but I thought, I look, at five or three in the morning, I don't want someone walking in seeing me mid shuffle and seeing my pel yar's crack. Don't need that at all. So I decided to just sit down and take a deep breath and have a think about it what I'm going to do. And then I hear my name being called again, and I'm like, this is getting dire, this is getting really dire.

And then it would be a fucking shame to miss your.

Fly because of this. And I've poked my head out again, thinking okay, I can make it. I can make it. Is anyone coming, I've gone to go and I heard someone coming, so I've shut the door. I shut the door again, and I thought, oh fucking And I just went open the door again, and this guy's doing a piece in the yearine across from me, and I was like, anyway. His head just went and he turned around and I was like, come here. I was like, hey, can you just check there's no toilet paper in here? On me

Not often you get asked that question.

I was like, just enough so that I could even just clear the residual and then I can make it.

How long is a piece of string? Yeah? Yeah?

I was like, just give us whatever you think and he was like two squares, gave us a bit of a ravel whatever, and handed off to me. I've closed the door, locked the door. He's then left. He's not gonna hang around listen and wait to see if I need any more. And he was like. I was like, thank you, mate, you're a fucking legend. You're a life saver. And he was like, no worries. Cob kept moving and then I was like, all right, went rolled it up.

Surely you would have known, though, No, you don't know.

I'm not going to put my hand there because if I put my hand then I'm stuck with a shitty hand.

But you have an inkling. I normally like I have some kind of sixth sense to know whether or not it's going to be like a one, two six or a ten wiper.

My interesting asshole is always going to be very good to roll the dice anyway. So that whole ten to fifteen minute stress point could have been avoided if I just had one square to check. I was standing there with a hand and full of toilet paper that was useless.

You could have eaten dinner off your asshole.

I could have. It was so clean. There's so many people out there and there going, oh, love to dinner. He's gone, asshole. Ew it goes. And then I got up. Obviously I washed my hands even though I didn't need to, went to the front desk and they were like, are you Andrew. I was like, no, I'm Ash and they're like, oh, yes, Ash too. There was still another guy behind me, so

I am done, just quickly on wiping your ass. Weird thing has happened in my family. You scruncher, you're a folder.

No, I'm like a raveler. There like a yeah, I'll show you. I'm just gonna go and get some toilet paper into it to pull my pants out.

Yes, it's very flirty today with you.

Sorry, mate, what's your toilet paper of choice? Before I give you my answer? Quilton Quilton shout out to Quilton. If you're listening the good stuff product. I'm a raveler and I feel like everyone only gives you two options, folder or scruncher. I'm my nervous. Have I just uncovered something here?

I've never bet a raveler before.

Okay, this is a raveler. Some would say it's somewhat of a folder, but it's not. Okay, so I've gotten going to give you demonstration. First of all, let's crack the.

Seal, fresh roll you take?

Hang on, No, that's all right, let me start again. It needs to be tired at more tension.

Wow, I've never seen anything like that in my life.

Should we go? Get every's gonna come home? Who's here?

So?

Dog?

Who taught you this?

I'm a self taught traveler. This is for all ravelers out there. When someone says to you, are you don't miss identify me? Don't miss identify me?

Can I show you what I do?

We're gonna do a dry run or a wet run, wet one. It was gonna be like, where the fuck is all this?

But there? Hang on, well very dainty. Wait, so then I can do like I can wipe with that, and then I can do like this and wipe again, and then if I want to, I can even go like what, Oh, you're.

One of those people that would chain themselves to a tree, ain't.

I just think?

Let me ask you this. Go on. That's how you do it when there's no traders in the house. Now, if there's traders in the house, what do you do?

Exactly?

Nah?

You go.

It's like when you change your accent when you talking, It's like, oh, yes, darling yes, and then the trade goes, how are you bloody go maying alright.

And you're like, that's an attack on Trade's okay, that's Marley wipes like a trading because she's still obviously Now she goes a taller and she goes, dad, wipe my bomb.

Is that a trading thing?

Is it? Come in? I'm like, all right, touchdowes, wipe it bum. And then she saw me folding as I just was just now folding the tall paper and she looks at me and she's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm folding the tall paper. She goes scrunch it. So she was demanding the scrunch. She's only a scruncher. And I'm like, oh my god.

Maybe she could be a reveler. Now I'm going to start it. I'm going to start a movement. You've heard it here. First, she is.

A pure scruncher. Fuck the revelers stuff.

Don't you dare? That's discriminatory. I don't like it.

I feel like in the pyramid, the hierarchy of all the paper folder is elite. I'd say raveler is second.

I'll take it.

Scrunchert is down the bottom. I'll take it.

I'll take that. I'll take that. Now I've got another question for you. We've really got on a tangent here and I like it now, the wiping of the child's bump while they're on the toilet. You did just say touch your toes?

Yes.

Can you give me an example of how that would work? So turn your chair. That chair is the toilet.

So normally, actually what I tend to do now is.

She standing sitting? What's the deal?

So Marlie will stand up with this?

Yeah, she'll turn to the side. Wow, okay, like that.

But now I've gotten to the habit. I say, put your hands on my shoes.

So I think I know where you're going with this, Marley.

Will I bend over, put her hands on my shoes, rest them there or so she's like a cat almost, And then I.

Yeah, okay, so I got one for you. You know, put your chair back out over there. I ask. I was going to leank forward towards me like this, okay, And then he comes forward a bit bang like that, head between my leg and then I go like that, what do you reckon?

I've never been to rouse, but you lock him in. It's like a bull getting the horns, like lock him in, like by the head.

Exactly right. So when they like milk a cow, when they milk a cow, or what do they do? Is it how they kill a cow? I don't know when they milk a cow or they fist a cow? Is that what they do it? Now? They fist?

Yeah, cow fisting.

Sure, they lock their heads in so they can't wrangle away. Yeah, So I just do like that. What do you reckon?

Very good? Very very good. I like that a lot. I like that a lot, brilliant. I'll be using that with Laura.

That went off a bit a bit, and I like that.

I'm all for it. We often I feel like last year or the beginning of this year, every episode was about shit. We had a little break from talking about shit.

Now we're right, some episodes just about shit.

In the sweet spot. I've been meaning to ask. I did ask you on text a couple of days ago. How is Macie? How is she?

I know what you're referring to. So do you want to give a context or do you want me to give a context?

Can I say, firstly, thank you for the tickets to Disney On ice, families came together again? To enjoy one hell of a show.

An amazing show. Only one guy fell over on the ice, which one I don't know his name.

That's whateverite part.

Just one guy was really quick he recovered.

They get up quick, don't they.

They spring back up.

They're very good. We had the families, their kids were having a great time. And then I don't know what happened.

I'll tell you what happened. Every dad who has a daughter and you know it daddy's little girl, and you're like this dady's little girl. Macy's not my little girl anymore. And this is what's happened. She edged over to us, She edged over, looking for it was quite late for a child of that age. Yeah, sh was dark, was dark, she edged over, and I thought she's coming over for a cuddle, just getting tired. Yeah, she completely bline past me and went to one Matthew Johnson.

And this has never happened. For we've never had a cuddle. We've never ever We've had like a little exchange every now and then, just like you know, hey, HAWII high five. That's a nice banana, you know, enjoy your lunch type chat. Yeah, And that's been it. That's been it.

But she's gone straight past me and onto your lap for a little cuddle.

The relationship is just leaps and bounds And all it took was a bit of Disney and I.

She was there for the whole second act.

Well, she came, we were sitting together, she came for a cuddle. Then she wouldn't leave.

She stayed. And then when the show ended and you were like, got a we went to take Macy off you. She was in morning. Even Laura was like, what the fuck?

What? She was like, that's never happened. Sometimes kids just have like.

They just latch onto someone. And then she was like on my shoulder, like and then he came back to like and then again for another cuddle. Beautiful And then April had to step in and she sobbed all the way home. Yeah, she's never been the same. It was amazing, just because I said that. We were walking back to the car and she was like, I was like, do you love Maddie Jays? She's like you And I was like, okay, that's cool.

I mean what about me? My biggest question is like is that where we're at? Like can I give her a cuddle when I see her? Yeah, she'd be Okay should I play like you know how, I like thought I was at a place with Oscar where I could like, I wonder, I'll be heartbreaking if I can see Macie again and a go for a cuddle and she's like whoa.

That was a way to maybe just get down on her level, go cuddle and then just see what happens. Okay, she'll go straight there.

It was very good the show. Thank you once again. I only have one complaint about Disney on ice.

Yep, not enough nudity.

There's plenty that and the fact that those little ones, there's little light up ones like fifty bucks, fifty five dollars.

Someone actually messaged me saying the lady behind us complained to her five year old daughter because she was waving a wander out.

That's like the whole point of like, what the fuck are.

You doing at Disney. If you're complaining about.

That, don't go to Disney. It's like people saying it's too loud, there's too much dancing.

There was too much Disney at that Disney show.

Can I just say as well, we got pretty lucky that we were sitting a little bit further back, because apparently those who are closer to the ice. It's free.

I was at a beautiful temperature. It was lovely and I actually took my jacket.

Off, actually got no pants on. This temperature is delightful. I did dance, yes, a bit of dancing, which was it was lovely.

It was good. It was it was a good show. It was a lot of family fun for everybody.

Before we go on to a new segment, well.

It's a resurgence of an old segment.

I do want to make reference to a situation that happened at our house that actually made it into the press.

All the press. I haven't seen that as made as I did see something I didn't pay a lot of attention.

Laura had spoken about it on her podcast, and we do have a few people that listen to Life I cut also listening to Dunning Dads, and I do have to say they're a podcast which embellishes stories, veers far away from the truth. We're the only podcast out there which hang on a minute, focuses on the truth and nothing but the truth.

Are you calling fake news?

She's a fucking liar.

She's a liar, and what fake news?

What happened was the police were called to our neighbor RNDA, no other neighbor other side.

This is with the shopping at the front. I saw the shopping, the shopping that was Friday, Yes, I was there. Yeah, so I'm part of the story. Yeah. Hey, well no one from the media has reached out for comment because I did see the shopping.

Yes, and I thought, that's what have they got.

I wasn't thinking anything other than what have they got? They got anything good? Because I'm taking it.

She never normally has a shopping there. And for those of you so who don't know next to us, like shared War is an elderly lady. She must be in her eighties. We rarely see her.

She's been on well I've never seen her.

I've never seen her. Sometimes we're like, it's weird, dude. Sometimes we'll hear like I remember one time I was going to bed. I was turning off lights. It's maybe eleven o'clock and it was when the tennis was on the Australian Open, and I thought, what's that noise that smell and I could just hear the tennis was on. Actually happened a few times. Would never hear it during the day. It was only like eleven o'clock midnight. I would hear the TV on her.

She a vampire.

I think she's a vampire.

Bro Wow, yeah, never met one.

But that's the only time Laura has seen her once or twice. Apart from that, We're like, is she still there? Not quite sure, but the shopping arrived Friday morning. It's now seven o'clock at night. Shopping is still there. And we know that for old people, the shopping is the most exciting slash important part.

That's all I've got.

Yeah, that's it. It was still there, started to rain, started to rain rain, and then at this point, it's worth noting that Laura has removed this part from her story.

Okay, okay, so this is where the lies come in.

Laura tried to kill the neighbor.

Cool did she?

No? But Laura was like should I should? I like, what should we do here? And I was like, We're knock on the door, still nothing, and I was like, oh, do we call? Like what's another? Ended up calling Triple zero. It must have been a quiet night because within a heartbeat, one cop car, two cop cars, and they were all there kind of standing like, oh, what.

Do we do? She's like eighty She's.

Like eighty we haven't heard anything from her for a while, and we're like we kind of say we know that she's been on well also, and they're like, we just don't want to We don't want to bang down the door because obviously you got like a broken door.

It's like my grandmother's in her eighties and every time she doesn't answer the phone, we're like, is she heard from her? Yeah?

Yeah yeah, And so then they're like, we're going to get the police rescue here because they can pick the locks. But the police rescue vans, the big white ones. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, So that thing rocks ou.

I thought they're going to send a helicopter.

Was yeah. I was like, only thing missing was a helicopter with the spotlight on her house. Maybe that would have woken her up. But we've got like four cop cars. People must have thought there was a murder.

Did the news come, No news, no news.

Unfortunately. I was like doing my head in case they're where's the makeup guy, But they were like, we want to try and pick the lock, and then they went to the back of the house. They were picking the lock, and meanwhile everyone's still banging on the door being like, hello, anyone there, and then as they were about to pick the lock slash kicking the door, she was like hello, just like people with spotlights in her house, happy to say she's alive, and well, okay.

She's alive, and well what happened?

She was just having an app she was asleep.

Yeah, that's it.

She was like, Oh, I'm just waking up.

I'm just waking up of the day.

Yeah. She's like, ignore that.

You can sleep whenever you want.

She does sleep a lot.

During COVID. I used to go out and visit my grandmother and stay with her, like for honest, it was like a Saturday just because she just needs some company. Yeah, and she loved the races. She doesn't bad, but she just loves horses. It's cute. Took it to the races too. That's different story for another day. But one time I walked in and she was laying on the couch. Presumably I thought she was dead, and I was like, oh great, laughing at my dead name. I was like, oh great,

That's why you get kicked out because all the neighbors and you're like, we can't live near, we can't live near. Yeah.

I used to live in d Y, which is a suburb in Sydney. It's Northern Beaches, and we lived in a unit. Okay, and our next door neighbor, who was somewhat of a creep, I would say, he was quite. It wasn't old old. He was like maybe in his seventies. So yeah, old blacky mum who's very young. It's brightly for her age. I just fucking backed that up.

Yeah, I saw that, like see the panic in your eyes.

I was like he was on blood thinners. I didn't know that until after. Anyway, I get home from work one day and there's like twelve cops in the lobby and I was like, tell us.

Can I help you?

Wasn't me? And I went into our apartment and the dog was going nuts because you could just hear commotion going on out there. And then April get time and was like, let's just take the dog out for a walk until these guys fucking get out of here. Gone anyway, So I've come out and one of the police officers says to me, he's just, oh, do you know what's happened? I was like no, Like, guy, look at your neighbor is deceased. And I was like, shit, no way, Bumma, Like, well,

Him, sad though, did know the fact that someone's past.

Yeah. So he was like, if did you hear anything suspicious last night? I was like, oh, now we're talking now are you talking my language? And it's funny because I did.

Did we just become a true crime podcast?

Look out case file? At about ten thirty at night, I heard a knock on the door of another apartment in that row of apartment, which was odd, but I just thought maybe someone had got ubery it's laid or something like that. Nothing really, and that's all I heard. I didn't hear it.

Oh help me, your mine's not going to travel to like death off the back of that.

As I was saying this, the neighbor whose door he would have knocked on because he knows them, was like, oh, I didn't hear anything. So what's happened is he he was on blood thinners. This guy, he's an old guy. He's kicked his shin, started to bleed, bleed out. He has walked over to his friend for help, knocked on the door. They didn't answer. Oh no, they were home. They didn't answer.

Imagine the guilt.

He's walked back to his room.

Blood's spilling out.

There's some drips of blood on the hallway in the car pair.

Not like someone's been It's obvious, but not enough to make you die.

He went into shock, bled out from a shin, kicked dish, had a way to go, and died. Apparently the carpet was soaked. Wow.

Yeah, imagine that. Imagine you're up in heaven and they're like, what happened to you? Like car accident, rolled four times down a cliff, died, What happened to you? Hit my shin?

Everyone's like, oh god, pete end of the table, pete end of the table. With a ship ways to die anyway, So that's first neighbor. Then last month I was here and there's a lovely lady who lives across from us. She's quite new to the complex, was quite new dead now anyway. She she's an artist. She lovely lives on her own, her kids who are older.

Like well than another shin hit.

Was it? No, it was fom no. I didn't know that she was battling cancer before. Anyway. The son who comes at the time is a really nice guy. Came over and he said, I just wantlet you know the mom passed away last week. And I was like shit. I was like, do you know what I did and what you don't do? The mum just died. I was like, you're kidding, gotcha? And I was like, oh shit, I'm sorry. That's just it was just my natural reaction.

It's hard to react.

I'm not good with death usually most of the times, I don't really care.

That's not true. Ash is very empathetic.

I don't know what to say that it's very od.

We do death very badly.

And yeah, yeah, but I saw I did see an ambulance there about a week ago. They weren't making a fuss or anything. It was like they were doing a welfare check on and I just thought they just drove away like everything was normal. So what happened is she took a turn with her cancer and come back and it was really dramatic, ended up in palladi of care and died in pallad of care, which is really sad.

Yeah, death really does follow you around. So yeah, just have a bit of a tickle in my throat.

That's how it starts.

On a more positive note. We have been talking about death. Let's go back to birth's if we can for a second. There is a little voice message that I'd love to play from one of our biggest fans of the podcast. Her name is Donna, very active member in the Facebook group Love Donna, Donna, where are you? And she has

Highness Donna here number one comment on a little bit of news following Woody's great interview at the beginning of the week. We are now turning one into two and have another successful IVF transfer and we are officially pregnant.

Ah.

Yeah, so we're super super pleased with that.

We've done two for two now, so that's great.

But yeah, just I share the news with you.

We love that, love that congratulations that we're covering the miracle of life.

Yeah all right, so Donna, congrats and also get ready for hell with two kids.

Ah, I mean it's beautiful.

We love growing families on this podcast.

But I can see your nose growing.

Oh my god. Yeah.

Look, it is logistically anightmare. But twice the kids twice a love, they say.

Well said, We'll put that on T shirt and to anyone else who has any exciting news regarding pregnancies.

Send it over.

We would love that to share it on the podcast.

We should do a segment at the end pregnancy announcements, like, yeah, it's kind of like obituaries but opposite.

Yeah.

Actually, we could also do if you've got deaths, we can investigate. Now, look, we do have a resurgence of a previous segment called lies. Let's let's bring it back people.

Everyone is saying, we love this song. It's one of the best songs. So for those of you have missed.

It's actually nominated for an area it is.

It could be joke. It was a joke. Everyone wondering, this is it? Enjoy?

Tell me love, tell me all right, Matt, I did call out yesterday for some lies.

Great response, good response, not that we ever get bad responses. Thank you to everyone who message great response in the Facebook group as well. Thirty seven messages slash comments Wow, I know, dude, I know. I was like, we've gone viral. Great response, So we've got two each. Ash Hit me with your best one. Hit me with your best one.

Just a really quick one which we did have a little chuckle about. Someone just said in speech brackets maybe later. Yeah, and I always dropped that one.

We've asked for your best life just why comment? Who was a call him out?

Name and shame majures anyway, beautiful name. I got one here. So my pop is missing a finger. I tell my kids that they will lose their finger for picking their nose.

Very good. Simone. Simone Wilson has messaged in on the Facebook group. One of the thirty seven ash that commented on my post. She says to her kids, if you don't let us trim your nails, they will get so long you turn into a cat. Dad had a sister when he was little, but she grew them too long and run away when she turned into a cat, and you don't want to be like her.

This segment's the best because it highlights how creative parents are and how stupid kids are.

Also, cutting nails is a nightmare.

I don't do it, April does it, but I know I cut my own is a nightmare. And this one here gress gressss. When my three year old is crying super loud, I knock on the door and say that's the neighbor telling you to be quiet, and they shut up immediately.

This is from Andrew, who says when my nearly four year old demands to watch the TV at six am and we are in a rush to get them out the door to childcare, I quickly go and remove the batteries from all TV remotes around the house and show them that the remote is not working and the man will have to come and fix it. During the day, which she, being a child being his kid, fully accepts and moves on. If I say no TV, then it's

We'll finish today with a couple of questions. How does that sound?

Lovely? Okay, ask this one controversial opinion. You can't be friends with your kid as well as be a good parent. Do you guys agree or disagree?

Oh? I think every parent would like to think that they're friends. Are they saying you can't be but you've gotta be one or the other. That's pretty much what they're.

Saying, right, Yeah, correct?

Garbage?

I think so.

I think, Look, I would like to say I'm Oscar's best friend, but then i'm also his dad, right.

And you no longer Macy's best friend? And I'm sure.

I get to be the parent for that one. Then I guess I think that's garbage. I think you can most certainly be friends and and be a good surely. Okay, So what this person's saying is that you've got to be a a good parent. Or a bad parent, or a good friend or a bad friend. Yeah, I think you can be both a bad friend and a bad parent, and a good friend and a good parent at the same time, and it can be interchangeable.

Because I guess friendship is such a loose term. It's like where do you know friends with benefits? Like where do you sit on the friendship scale with your kid? Because I guess maybe the idea of you can't be a friend and also be that like authoritarian figure.

That won't tell you seriously.

For your kid, like obviously if you're going to be the friend when the kids get older where you're like, hey, let's go get drunk in the park.

That sounds amazing.

You know you can't do that, Like you can't go out and get like lit with your kid.

I think, don't tell me what I can and can't do.

I think you can still be a friend. You can still like hang out with your kids, have that like great relationship, but also at the same time be the voice of reason, discipline them.

I think if they respect you, it's different.

But also friends and have respect.

At this age at five, we're all friends, we're all best friends. But then don't annoy me. I think it's garbage.

People who have that mentality.

Have no friends and their kids hate them.

That's that job done.

Job done. Now, I have a question for you. Do your kids still have a milk bottle or a bottle of milk either one? Before going to.

Bed, we transitioned off the milk.

To warm water.

Warm water. Laura had this idea, she said, does she pissed the bed? We would have to change a man so many times in the middle of the night Lola has been like on another bottle, and I've been like, I should change a nappy, but also going through the process of changing the nappy kind of wakes her up, takes her longer to go back to bed, so I'm like, she'll be fine, and then like I wake up an

Two on it.

That's a very good idea, thank you. It was. She was man, she's hooked, hooked on dummies. This is Lola, by the way, who's just gone three in feb hooked on dummies, hooked on bottles.

Okay, so what are we going to do about baby bottles.

So we made the call.

Well, like I say, we you I mean Laura, Okay, but then you've got to get we also.

Like we do these things really dumb. If you're going to do anything like hectic that's really going to impact your sleep, probably best to do it like on a Friday, because then you know you don't have too much on the weekend. So if you aren't really tired, you have a nap during the day weekends.

In my time, bro, I much rather do it during the week.

No, because we know that Laura, like Laura's most hectic day of the week is her Mondays. So if you're going to start this on a Sunday night, it just sets you up for a week of being so tired. Start start like on a Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday is the best day. Anyway, we started thirst Thursday. There is Ashwicks. So we decided on Sunday afternoon just gone that we would remove the baby bottle, which has warm water. And like Lola is just she's I reckon, she's probably having

So you're still doing that.

We said she could keep a dummy, but she has to no longer have the baby bottle. She can have like a little water bottle.

Like and more days. Now it's Wednesday, Wednesday.

It's beating an absolute hell as a tellish situation.

As expected.

I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. It sucks. Also, we're in this fucking awful sow to swear drop them in this awful scenario where Sunday night. First night, she woke up at about one in the morning, she was up for about an hour because she was like, oh, want the bottle. I want the bottle, and we're like, no, no bottles, you got your dummy, shut up and chill out. Didn't say that, We said it in a very pleasant, polite way. But she just couldn't get back to sleep.

Yeah, it's amaze you fell asleep at the table once. You can't take your eyes off them.

Yeah, they're tired.

The other day when I got I was at your house and Lola was there and she was like looking at me on the couch and then I looked away.

I looked back and she was it happened that quick. I was like, happens?

Also, did she get that whistle I left her?

No, it been.

Got a second one.

So we're currently going through that at the moment. And a few people have messaged usin said because we have like a photo on stories and it's in the morning and Lola still got She likes to just hold her bottle in the morning. And people are like, but she's three, you can't be doing that.

Who are you making up the rules? It's look, if someone's going to send us she's you can't you know, let you do that? Do you know what I'm saying? Fuck off? We're in the rules of the say you can't just do what like we always say, do your best. Now, my kids don't have it at night. They have have a bottle in the morning. They wake up in the morning, they love a little bottle of milk.

Okay, can I just ask you one question if.

I may, Joel, you're not fit to run, Jill, But.

What do you like to give them breakfast first and then the bottle last?

No, they strained the bottle first. But then when they have breakfast straight after, they intertoast straight away. Yeah, that's crazy.

They had the bottle first, and then why don't you use like the bottle is like the bait to get them to finish.

But they finished their breakfast the only meal in the day they finish shook you shook to the chorus, wow oscar as well, yep, love a little bit. But what I do is I go a little bit of milk, heat it up and fill the rest with water so they get hydrated at the same time.

Very good.

And then and they're not constipated. May see somehow still is she can shit and then straight into toast or whatever else they want.

So when they go to bed at nighttime, what do they have? They just raw dog it like no dummy, no bottle or nothing. Man, do you have to pat them to sleep. No, that is amazing.

Thank you. I'm an amazing parent.

You are such a good parent.

Thank you, thank you. Look, I'm not going to take credit, April.

April, you're a great parent.

Sorry, you've already taken my daughter. You're trying to take that, and I think on that note, that is all we have time for today. If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to someone who needs a laugh, needs a cac or needs to learn how to wipe their kids anus. Leave a review also five stars. A little bit of feedback.

On there, mate, We've had some lovely comments in the face which needs to be over one hundred members now, it is just it's like a pandemic.

It's just we're taking over, spreading. We've been taken over. So jump onto Facebook search. Two Doding Dads, join the group, join the conversations, join the fun, as they say, and we'll see. But also we are coming to the end of July, which that means we're going to the start of August. And August is a very exciting month for Two Doting Dads because we have our book that it would be officially on Shells coming out soon, so keep an eye out soon. Keep an eye and the.

Link in the notes.

There is a link in the show notes. And maybe we might give some to some punters.

Yes, we will figure out with a lack of public care. Imagine if you did that, I don't have any Let's.

Big as.

Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land