#80 Man Flu and Vigilante Mums

Perfect timing. Fucking garbage struck is out of the front.

You've got a lot of garbage out there.

What about the pile of garbage out the front?

What's going on there? Who is that? Is that one of those little ones that just starts off as like, yeah, a couple of things, and everyone's just like, oh.

There's a counsel clean up up the road.

So someone's like, ah, I must throw shit out in the front of my house.

Everyone in the Northern Beaches is just like, oh, I'll like to that.

I love how they change the method of like you know how that you used to get a letter in the mail being like this is the weekend is a council cleanup. But now you've got each household has x amount per year that you can book in. And because this is a big complex and all it takes is one person. Literally, there probably.

Was just an old bike out there.

And I always do this thing around. I'm like I walk past or I put something in there, and I'll be like what if someone take it? And someone takes it? Like I threw some stuff out there, but now I have nothing out there that's mine because they took the bikes that I put out there, and I'm like, well, actually mine. But also when we lived at my father in law's house, it's like one house put stuff out and then all of a sudden, the whole street.

They think you have been honest? Have you added to that pile?

I added two bikes, a kid's bike that was fucking broken and then an old electric bike that was fucked and within within with it's rained heap, there's got to be a dead body in.

The Yeah, there's like animals in there now, there's like ferrets, like they've set up nest.

They can see it from space. There's gonna summ up.

Welcome back to two don't dads, I'm not managing. Many is currently trying to stay alive ash and this is and this is a podcast.

It's all about parenting.

It's the good, the bad, and the relatable and usually Matt does this part.

So good thing I've been listening.

We do not share any advice, any real advice anyway, just for legal reasons.

Thank you.

How's that?

Thank you good? Sorry about that? I came out of nowhere.

That's okay.

I feel like I've been carrying you all week and might as well nuts carrying into the finish line, my friend, if I haven't carried you at all this week, I'm going to carry you to the finish line to day.

Thank you, because I've got a couple.

Of things for you that I really want to go through that I think you're really going to like maybe.

One or two things in particularly, you're really going to like.

Okay, I'm a trap yourself in now you have. First of all, let's do it was your birthday? Yeah, we did mention it last week, but you did go away for your birth.

Should drink first? Oh?

We should?

Yeah, we should.

We are drinking Stonewood of course, the pacificl Now, Matt funny.

Story about Pacific.

How I was trying to get.

It's good for a little dry, dry throat. It is not sure if it's medically approved.

It is it is.

Yeah. Eight out of ten doctors recommend Stonewood Pacific ale for a scratchy.

Throat unless you're pregnant.

Or driving.

Yes, yes, very important caveat.

So I use stone and wood to get something across the line this week?

What is it?

You remember the old thing the beer economy, all right, where it's like someone does something for you. It's worth exit you give him a slab, give a slab. So I needed a couple of things just tuned up around the house. And I didn't want to annoy the owner of this place because he's.

Quite frankly a fucking bell.

End Well said, if he's listening, you heard that.

You you heard that?

Stand by those comments.

We have been given out walking papers in this place, which is upsetting because the kids have the last few years built some memories here. But that's all right, that's part of being a renter. I'm not going to cry. Maybe. And I wanted a friend to do some stuff around the house and I said to him, hey, can you put, you know, fixed a couple of things up for me?

And he was like, oh, I'm a run And I.

Said, do you know what, I've got a case of Pacific ol stone and wood with your name on it if you come around and do it for us. Bam. He was here within the hour.

What work did he do?

It's very subtle.

Yeah, he's just can I can I try? And ah, yes, tighten the screws on your bed, frien, Hey.

That's one of them.

But no, no, he just a couple of squeaky doors. This needed the wd Ford into the job. So he's just had to tie a few things for us. Nothing a couple of squeaky doors, that bed frame, squeaky bedheads anyway, so I used Pacific oil to get it across the line. He is a huge specific Girl fan. Thank you Stonewood for making this episode possible, as they do.

With every episode.

Actually, and we also have to mention as well the fact that we went on a little business trip for some shopping. Have we bought surfboards and also as a night as a thanks, we dropped off a slab of stone.

We did, so I've just begot about it.

We're no longer paying anyone when people are like, your invoice has not.

Been paid, but sh we left something for you at the front door.

Cheers.

Yeah, so stone Woods, stone Woods, stone Wood is.

Paying delicious everything and it's a new former currency. Hey should we just quickly mentioned the fact that you dropped the news of me yesterday, the fact that you're getting booted out of your complex. Yeah, how's the family going? Well? What it is?

See that beam there? Look at it?

Oh my gosh, for anyone wondering, I'm looking out to the backyard of ashes at place, and there is a beam that's melting.

Look at the bend on it bends to the left.

Okay, so the beam's no good? Whats and how did that get you kicked out?

Okay? So what happened was I complained about the beam.

And the godfully so yeah, hopefully it's dangerous if that falls on a kid, they kill a kid.

That's a kid kill and beam that's right there.

Well said thank you.

Anyway, it's not the issue of the beam itself or me.

I think what's happened.

Here is he's in dispute with the Body corporate and Strata right, and unfortunately that impacts us because where the bottom feed is in this situation, we're caught in the crossfire. He's decided he's had enough. He's going to fuck this place off or if he's got to do any work to it. He's so cheap, this guy, Yeah, he's so fucking cheap.

He said, I'll just tear it down. But obviously the body corp has said.

No heed to match anyway. So he is someone who works in a timber yard. What do you reckon? What's that beam worth? What do we that?

Yeah, well the thing is the one next door. If they'd have done it properly like the one next door. See it's quite thick compared to this one. That is a H three pine beam.

Fucking love it when you talk.

So it's a two ninety by six you fine, ah treated?

And how I define pressure treated it is there's two different types of treated. Think about this. If you're having sex with your wife, yes, and you dip your dick in and pull it out, yeap, and you're done. That is just treated on the outside. If you dip it in and leave it in there and soak it, that's hates three right right right, have to cut that out, No, leave it anyway. That's about twenty two dollars a meter. That's about sixty six dollars.

I've been having sex with my wife wrong all this time, all this time.

You want to get it pressure treated.

Anyway.

So his thought processes of this, he's either going to sell it or if he's got to do some work to it, might as well do a bunch of different work to it at the same.

Time, which is fine.

It gave us thirty days and I said to him yesterday, that's not a long time. I said to him yesterday, I need more time.

And he was like, why, I said, have you what do you fucking mean why?

Bro?

And I said, I got two kids under five?

Bro?

Are you going to find them in your home?

No?

I've got to find him in your hair. It was like, gotcha.

Soon as I got a little bit snarky, which is probably what goes kicked out in the first place.

That's fine, that's fine.

I have a problem with that.

And honestly, so how much extra time do you have?

I don't know yet. I'm sort of giving it a couple of days for everyone to just take a deep breath, and then on Monday, I'll call him with I'll just ask for what my options are, whether if he's going to sell it, we could just go month to month until he sells it or until I find something. I want to help him out as much as possible. Also, what's probably pissed him off is we want to.

Sign a renewal.

He up the RAMT only about twenty bucks, but April fucking went in after him my watch exactly, and we said we're not signing anything until the bean's ficked.

And that's obviously pissed him off too.

I think it's just all too much for this old head who's probably got ten properties and is just a classic.

Won't spend a sand.

It's fucking wild, isn't it.

I'm fucking sick of these boomers. I remember boomers and teenagers.

I'm sick of them.

Laura's old place that she was in was like so many things wrong with it, like every tap was leaking, lights didn't work, floorboards were like falling in. And she'd call the landlord and she'd be like, hey, like, I literally cannot turn the taps off. That just won't stop running, like it's as hard as it will go. And he was like, yeah, cool, I'll be there tomorrow. This guy would rock up and he had like twenty properties in Sydney.

I'm sure you're talking about we're talking about the same guy.

Ye.

Yeah, it's the same guy. He comes and fixes which I don't care. If he wants to come and do the maintenance on these players, that's fine, come and fix those little things. He came measured up to get the beat. He was like, I'm going to get it replaced. I'm like that's cool to like, you just let me know.

But like it's probably while they've got twenty properties though, because they are so stingy.

But like, do you want people to talk?

I'm sitting here in a public this is going to be public for everybody to watch this.

What's his name talking?

Do you really want spend the money so I'm not here talking about you?

What's the name out there? What's is a dress?

Fuck you?

Yeah?

Anyway, I didn't want to talk about this today so much.

I apologize this, thank you.

I wanted to talk about really quickly because it was your birthday, it was my birthday.

You were away. You goast to me the whole day plan hard.

Get sorry about that.

That's okay.

I understand you with your family and you don't want to hear from me. Some people's not.

I always always enjoy hearing from you. But you doesn't matter. We're away, what the day? That's why I didn't what the hour, what the minute?

I was going I was gonna.

I took it personally for a moment until someone else at your happy birthday in a group chat and you didn't respond to that either, and I thought, it's.

Not just me. What did you say? What was your message? You just said, Hay.

Birthday, Hay birthday.

Yeah cool, And then I said that they should sack heavy, and you weren't happy about that.

Can I just say one of the downs and maybe this is me getting really old, one of the downsides of your birthday and there weren't that many. Makes it sound like I'm being very arrogant here and toot my own hall with how many friends I've got. But when people are like, happy birthday, and You're like, I'll respond to that in a second, and then another person writes happy birthday, and then all of a sudden, you've got like twelve messages you got to write back to him.

You're like, oh, how.

Tough is it being popular? How tough is it having people care about you? How dare people care about you? In which you have?

Do you know how you sound terrible?

What you sound like?

Oscar?

I'm grateful, You're okay. Anyway, let's get past that.

You got very sick.

I did get sick, and look, I felt very sorry for you. I felt like, that's not fair because you just had two weeks with the kids on your own, okay, and then you've gotten sick for a whole week. So I thought the guy needs a little bit of TLC. So, April and I have got you something for your birthday, okay, And I think you're gonna love this. You're gonna lap this up all And usually I'm going to get you

So I've done something nice for you.

We've got you a gift voucher for a spa in vore Cluse. I don't know what it's called anyway, soul spa.

For you to go and pamper yourself.

You get a massage, you get.

A facial Holy shit. Yeah, well, happy birthday.

What the fuck is going on?

Is this a trip?

What I thought?

Two hard weeks with the girls with laurd Off doing work and then you get sick. You need some times yourself.

This is very generous from that, It's okay, very generous, Okay from someone who's just been evicted as well.

This is the reason we can't pay rent.

Which spa is it?

It's in more clues, Oh.

April picked it. That's okay, I'll send that to you. You book yourself in for a couple of hours. Turn your phone on. I'll take care of business, get a facial, get a massage.

Maybe happy ending. I don't know what they do.

Where have you booked me into walking down King's Cross?

Prestigious rubbin tug in vocal. Anyway, happy birthday, Thank you.

That's really generous of you.

I've got another juicy present for you.

Jesus, that's not it's just something I wanted to run by the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm trying to.

I'm trying to. I'm trying to give more. That's what I'm trying to do.

I like it. I like it. I like the new improved ASH.

It's temporary ASH. Let's just go with that. Because I'm bored.

Man, I'm only drinking minimal amounts. I'm bored at night.

Let's put that way.

So what have you got for me?

I've done a lot of thinking lately about we're doing. That's scary. That's a scary thought to know that I've done.

I was going to say, like, but I'm going to give you, Okay, I'm going to give you something so paramount plus we hosted a movie last weekend.

Last weekend on Saturday, raging success.

It was.

It was chaotic, but that's the point, right.

That's what we wanted, that's what that's on brand for us.

It's very on brand.

And so where okay, you want to do another movie night? Where do you want to go with?

No?

No, no, no.

I've been thinking about a potential TV series that I wanted to pitch you and let me know what your thoughts are.

Okay, this could either be go really well, is it a comedy?

It is a comedy, not at first glance, at second glance, it's a comedy. Okay, let me give you the let me give you on the synopsis.

This is the.

Synopsis of it.

Okay.

It's also risky of you to discuss this on the podcast. Who knows how many TV producers are listening right now stealing the ideas.

Well, it'll be out there before the it'll be we.

Want to plan this sea.

You get people excited, people excited that if it ever happens, or if anyone ever makes this, that you would be like, this is where it came from. Yes, okay, So it's called vigil Ante Mums. The synopsis is this two mums, two young mums, okay, with young kids, okay.

Just my first thought. Should we should we have two dads?

No? Okay, it's funnier with mums. Okay, okay, because my mum's out there listening right now. Are going to love this, yep? Okay, vigil ante mum, two mums, Okay. In their local neighborhood, they've been overrun by a group of teenagers doing stupid shit, vandalizing, stealing, all this sort of stuff. So the mums have decided that police aren't going.

To do anything. They want to take it into their own hands.

They're forming a vigil ante group of mums of other like minded mums to fight crime.

Parent during the day, fight crime at night. Vigil ante mums.

Where do we come into it?

If you produces in the film a film, it's a short series, six episodes, okay, six.

Episodes, Well, April and Laura a bit.

Yeah, I haven't got that far. I've got this far as it.

But it's a vigilantic but it's a comedy, okay. So that's where it's like a second gland. You're like, okay, is this going to be a serious show? No, because you can imagine what it would be like for Laura and April as two young mums with young kids forming a vigilante grip.

Has April ever had to put on the vigil anti hat lately? Around here? Is that? Where? Is this based on the real?

Based on true fans?

Your I g a robbery? Is this the idea robbery?

Yeah?

So let's talk about where I got the idea from what you? First of all, what are your thoughts?

It's fucking brilliant.

Thank you.

It's incredible saying that a little bit.

No what I thought it would be hilarious.

Yeah, okay, it's not like I need it to marinate. It's a good start. It's a great start.

Mums.

Yeah, I heard you the first time. I like it.

Let me see it third time? Vigil anti mums?

Oh sorry, sorry sorry, Yeah, I.

Think it's a great idea, just saying I would watch it. It's kind of like that show that came out called Working Mums. Right, so there's Working Mums that came out, but it was missing something and that is crime Fighters.

It does for me a bit of a bridesmaid feel. Is Kirsten what's her name? Caston wig? Is she free?

No? Actually, I got a question for you. If Laura was to be a character. Who would you want to play Laura? So you'll play you? This is where I'm going at the Dad's in it. Halle Berry Australian actor. We can't afford halle Berry done.

Who would we get? Actually, I don't know many Australian actresses. Rebecca Gidney maybe who was a girl from home and away? Richie, Richie, she do well.

She would do pretty good, pretty well? Be funny.

What are the brunettes ow there out there that that actors?

Would you get some less Barbara to do it? Let's have Australian actresses. Australian actresses bad we google.

It, Isla Fisher, Islor Fisher there we go.

Needs to be more like Robbie.

That would be April. That's the biggest Complimentaples ever got on. I reckon, there's a heap Tony Collette away. Where I got the idea was is as I told you, there's been a string, There's been a and the string keeps continues to get longer. My friend of crime petty crime done by a group of teenagers between the ages of fourteen and sixteen in worried. Would we had the I set now? I wish we had mister Freeze.

Mister Freeze has moved on. Do you know what?

He was probably keeping things in check, mister Freeze.

He was he was willed in that Samurai.

It's a bit like Saddam Husseining, Like everyone thought he was a bad guy and then when he was taken out, then.

All that's real bad guys.

Yeah, that's what's happened. Worry. What is essentially Iraq right now?

Anyway?

So yeah, good thing, I'm moving.

So mister Freeze would have been good to have around lately because he would have kept everybody.

The kids are just running wild.

They are running wild. So what happened was they held up they didn't hold up the Ida. They were robbing the Ida. They're pinging stuff from the irga, taking alcohol. Yeah, and the owner of the Ida just had an af like withheld the bikes on get away and then it turned a little bit violent where they essentially try to rough the lady up and my mate, he warns a cafe.

Yeah, that's that's fucking wild, isn't it.

Yeah.

And apparently the parents of these kids don't give a fuck eat, Like.

If you're robbing a store and threatening a female.

They had a by the throat, Like come on, dude, that's like.

Something's got to happen. I'm not saying lock him up in jail because I don't want to turn them.

Into we need the vigilante told you anyway, So after that.

What happened was they held up the JB.

High fight in the shopping turner around here held that They actually held it up with what though knife some stuff got away.

That's there's.

I was down at the shops, the same shops the other day. There's a liquor land out the front. It's just Saturday, classic day for drinking, Saturday, miss it. And I'm down there with Oscar. I'm unlocking on the e buike because we're going to drive home. And I saw this kid literally at the front door of liquor land. He walked in, grabbed two bottles of Gregor's, turned around and said these are mine, bitch.

What he didn't run, just casually.

We casually walked off and his mate joined him, who was eating subway, and they just walked off the confidence. Anyway, I'm with Oscar. I can't do anything.

It's not my bottles of vodka.

If I wasn't with Oscar, I probably would have been like because I know when they got when they got jumped at IgA by the chef and stuff, one of them cried, I definitely would have really killed him about that. One of them cried, yeah, I can't be a felon and then cry at the scene of the crime.

No no, no, no no no. Like imagine someone like Robert Robin Malatt killed someone and then cried out with actually he probably did.

He probably cries after see.

Yeah, imagine rubing a bank and then the cops being like freezing.

Anyway, Then I was riding behind them on the e bike and I.

Was like, I was like in pursuit or just going in the same direction.

They were covering the footpath, and I thought, what's the most I can do when I've got my five year old because they could have had a knife, look at anything.

Yeah, I could be on the news, great for business.

And I was like riding, I was like, let's get start of them, and I just kept riding off really fast. Anyway, then I thought I went past the cafe and I gave them an update, and Pete and I were like, fuck, we're over this. This is my suburb, you know what I mean, not anymore thanks to my landlord. And then I sort of let the weekend go by, and then yesterday I popped in for a coffee at the cross

Up here at the cop just gonna sit back and just watch this Happenessentially, that's what's happening. Surely at some point they've got to step in. I don't know, but this is get mister Freeze out of jail and let him loose on.

The stil he's in rehab.

It's very different.

Get him out of there enough enough he doesn't.

Need the relapse anyway.

So that's where the idea for the vigilante mums has come from. And I think it's this fucking solid idea if it's well written. And do you know who I think can write that? Show you because I.

Like vigilante dads. That's why I thought this is going.

Look honestly, I thought yeah, But I thought the mum idea makes it way funnier. Okay, because when Laura gets aggressive at something, you've seen him ge aggressive.

It's kind of comical sometimes when you look back in your lab to me, Bro.

But I thought it'd be funnier if it's the mums and then you and I play the husbands that are like kind of half trying to stop it but half entertained, or.

We're gonna have to write in the sex scenes and be like, sorry Laura in April, it's for the art of the show, Like.

Why are there twelve sex scenes in his empisode?

Is a comedy? And why is Eileen Fisher and Margot Robbie playing your wives?

I think it's a great idea. Okay, very good, Marinate.

Sorry, I've just taken up twenty five minutes.

Don't you dare apologize for giving the people twenty five minutes of pure heaven.

For anyone who's listening that knows how to produce right a TV show or has I would like to add to that idea.

I feel like the majority of people listening are stuck right now with a baby in their arms, or like a sleep in the room.

Next streaming about becoming vigilantes.

This is for you. I did become sick ash, Yes, so it did become sorry, sorry, Okay, it was a flu. I don't know if flues ever happened like this for you.

But I don't get sick.

You don't get sick.

I don't know how you said that last year. And then I got sick for like a month straight, but.

Every like for three nights leading up to it, it actually hit me and I got really sick. I'd get to four or five o'clock and I was just like, I'm so, it's so cold, and like my back was getting really aching, and ah, fuck, do you know what do you know?

Actually?

Sorry, before you continue with a sort of snuffly nose, you sound much more like your mum.

It's offensive. Damn it.

Your mom's amazing.

I'm becoming her. But I was. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. It was like it was imagine an orgasm, but it's horrible, and the build up is over four days, That's what it was like. I was like, when's it going to hit me?

You're being edgedo.

And then on the Sunday Ash Sunday, I was like, it's got me. Yes, it's got me. And we're driving back from a little weekend away for my birthday and normally I love to drive. Laura loves to just sit in the passenger seat, and I said, you've got to drive home. And I was sitting there, And no disrespect to Laura, she's very caring, but I was fucking dying. It was bad.

When the King falls, he falls.

And Laura was like like halfway home and she's like, what are you doing? And I'm just there, like melting in the passenger seat and I'm like, I'm just like on Instagram. And she's like, can you like you're gonna talk to me? And I was like, I'm fucking dying. She's like, yeah, but if you're on Instagram you could talk to me.

It's like that's kind of fair.

But now what.

Even just even just maybe not even maybe just be there to listen, because if you're like this, you're.

Not I was dying. Look, scrolling is like the it takes like zero energy or mental capacity to scroll. Listening to Laura to be careful as much as I love her. I just didn't have it in me but the us. She was I don't know if you've seen the new COVID tests that have come.

No, COVID doesn't exist anymore.

That's what I thought, But the tests, no one's testing anymore. The tests have improved.

Just to get suck on the end of this, and I'll tell you if you positive.

Laura was worried that I had COVID, and I was like, it could be COVID. I feel pretty weird. So she's like, try this new test, and the test is it doesn't The test just doesn't test for COVID, it tests for multiple things. But I was saying to Laura. I was like, Laura, I've never experienced an illness like this. It's like it's like the strain of COVID is mutated, and it's unlike anything I've experienced before. I hope to God you don't

I would wish it upon no one what I've been through, what about my landlord?

Except fuck you? And so Laura then after that day she's like, you've got a test for COVID because I think it could be COVID, and I was like, it's definitely COVID. Who knows what else I've got. Anyway, we do the test, which test for COVID, influenza and the flu.

Okay, okay.

So I do the test and we're sitting there. I've got my head in my hand and I'm like, oh God, where will end. The first test comes through COVID negative. Oh, and I'm like that's good.

That's good.

I don't want COVID. But I'm like the flu influenza, maybe I've got the double influenza comes through negative and I'm like, surely, surely the flu one line comes up. I'm waiting. I'm okay, give another five minutes. Negative across all fronts. This test is like he's being a little bitch.

It's like the worst form of gambling.

You're like, come on, give me one of them, give me one of them.

Nothing, nothing.

Laura is there like looking at me, and I'm like, it's give me another test again. Negative across all O my god, So you're completely fine. Then I'm like, am I sick? I am sick. Yeah, I am sick. I've been in bed for the last three days, just just general cold. Glad you asked it was Ash, just a general cold. Apparently not according to the fucking test these days. Whoever's making these tests, they're fucking faulty.

They need to add something on there.

It's just like sympathy, but it's also like, I'm now I've only just come out to the big wide world, you know, when you've been cooped up. I've literally not left the house for three days. I'm like, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, dude, I'm reacclimatizing to like the real world, and it's it's not been It's like in those come out of Jail.

It's like in those movies where it's like a catastrophic storm hits and everyone's got a bunker down for ages, but doubted tomorrow, and then they're like it's free to come out, and you're like, come out and there's like complete carnage and you like, you come out of the weather's beautiful, it is.

It's a good day to be out. It's a good day to be out. But Ash, not to catastrophize my situation anymore, and let this just be a warning to any parents out there, because right now there is an epidemic happening.

I'm familiar.

It's an epidemic on a national scale.

And honestly, it's a dirty one.

It's fucking gastro.

Yeah, it could get real bad.

It's gastro, bro, and it's gastro.

If you I'm saying it's worse than COVID.

I'd say it's worse. It's worse than the plague.

We could use a plaque so a few people. I would like to just fucking drop it in the streets out there.

You really have right now, ash, right now. Except for Laura and Ellie, the other two haven't been sick. But as I was dying my own you know, it's fighting my own personal battles, Lola starts vomiting.

Oh fuck yeah, bro, it's so bad.

Yeah, and like coming out both ends. Bro, Like when she goes to the toilet, she's just like.

Having a kid with gastro and you're one hundred percent healthy is bad enough.

And I can't imagine. I think, yeah, that's right.

The other day you were like I was on the phone and you.

Were like, hey, there you're going I was like yeah, good, then I hate it.

I was like, there was Laura's told the story and life on cut, So if you're coming from a life on cut, apologies, I'm about to hear it. I'm going to retell it, but but with.

Maybe some quick little one liners from me even better.

So Lola often comes into our bed and she was like, Mummy, Daddy, I'm there, like you know, fucking and I've woken up. It was pitch black. So it's in the middle of the night, and I was like, oh the fuck does that smell? You know when you're like the smell almost creeps into your dream first and you're like, what the hell? She has come in and she's been marinating in her own shit. She's just shit is everywhere. It is like drenched in it. It's like she's been swimming in a

Shit's got like a bily smell to it. It's not quite shit smell.

Yeah, it's like because it hasn't digested into shit, it's just coming out of where the shit comes out. Yeah, you're about to get your mind blown gone.

It kind of felt like I was leading up to something really really, really really profound.

But it's like, I'm just gonna give my opinion on it. It's not digested enough. This could be wrong. I'm not a medical doctor. It's notes yet doctor. Yeah, I could be a doctor anyway. It's not quite digested. So it's like it's that liquidy, bierly poo smell where it's like it's just passing through where the pooh usually goes, So it's just getting the residual pooh from the anus. But it's actually like it's like vomit.

You are a fucking doctor.

It's like vomit. It's got that weird smell.

It's I can imagine the poor thing been in bed with it.

Man.

She might have shit herself without knowing and still slept through it.

Yeah.

I know it's in you.

I know you like you understand. I appreciate the sympathy that you're getting me the picture for everyone. Can I also just say, as someone yourself who has got healthy kids, you don't know how good you've got it, bro, You know what life is like when they get ill. Yeah, and then she missed three days of daycare, and then I was like, she's good, she's eating again, she's fine.

The double diarrhea, what about a third?

One third? One? So then it wasn't long lower than shut herself twice. Had to go pick her up the next day. Ash, It's happened. Marley's been struck down, Marley's been with the fucking plague. Friend deep in it, bro.

But still testing negative to everything else.

I can I just say as well, Ash, I wouldn't wish an illness onto anybody other than as a parent. It's very tough to sit back and watch your children be unwell, as I'm sure you can appreciate, so sad. You know you want them to be out there living their best life, life happy.

All kids should be out there living their best life.

Absolutely, they should put that on shirt ash. Except when they are sick. It is nice to get a bit of peace and quiet. Sometimes they're very cuddly, very cuddly, and then also sleepy.

It's kind of nice times makes you to sleep again.

Damn, you get the laptop out.

Marley's very cuddly at the moment, very very cuddly.

She's pretty coly anyway.

She's yeah, I know that's saying a lot, but this morning she did have a vomit this morning. She just didn't want to freak you out, but she had this moment where she becomes so like emotionals. It was quite a beautiful moment before while like, while she was vomiting, she was like, she goes, I just I love this family.

So much.

The drama, the drama of it, right, and I was washold it. She's been vomiting in the in the little tupperware container. I'm holding her hair. And this is pretty early in the morning. I was just me and the kids, and then Lola's watching on and because she's been vomiting so much, it's just you know, those last bits of violet.

And she must have a six pack.

Yeah, She's absolutely diced right now. And then Lola's there going I don't want to see money like this, and then Mahali looks over and she goes Lola look away.

Lola's like, no, man, lived mid I'll come back for you, I swear.

So it was a beautiful moment this morning, as like before the vomit. Yeah, before during the vomit they do, that's it.

They get them real emotional before that.

It's like when I told her that story about Oscar spewing back up into the do nut king cup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was like, oh cold.

I was like, oh yeah. I was like, well, I love you.

Like their body is like I think, I think this is it.

I better get my last advis in.

So right now, Marley is still in recovery. Lola's having a fucking awful time because she's just.

Had an entire week of doing nothing.

Eating chips in front of the TV, had her dummy the whole time. The rules in the household, the routine is just not existing anymore. And then this morning I was like, who wants to get dressed for daycare?

And She's like, what, bitch, I'm on holiday.

So it was fucking hell. This morning, trying to get back into the normal room.

Where is Marley at home?

Ma's at home with Nana.

Yeah, I wish her a very speedy recovery.

Dude, I wish you don't get this illness.

And I think you're in my house.

I'm in the house.

I guarantee you I won't. It's all here, my friend.

Remember I'm at right now.

Okay, that's what I thought.

I've turned into an impath and I'm Xenna's fuck.

Yeah, you fucking xen and arrogant, yes and red.

Okay, let's go into petty couples.

Okay, give the people they want.

Petty couple, Welcome down the street, petty couple, met couple.

I love you, but immit you, no one can push me quite like you.

Anyway.

Petty parents, Matt. If Laura is gonna not take your illness seriously, then you can use these.

Okay, she has been a little bit sympathetic. I don't want to.

I don't want to treat Laura like you don't want a petty petty can.

I actually I will say just to like we are in petty couples. But shout out to Laura gave me a blowjob. Last night. What yeah, yeah, get it out, yeah yeah, hell, which was like, I don't want to get your illness, and so she's like, I'll give you, don't kiss me, let me give you a blow job. And I was like, okay, all right, but I'm like, why aout this earlier? Okay, here's a question.

Okay, here's saving for the question segment or no.

Okay, here's a question. If you're a doctor listening, please let us know if this is like something that happens if I'm sick, I do have the flu, regardless what the test says. If Laura tastes my semen, does the semen hold any of the germs the germ could you get as could you get someone's flu from taking their semen.

Because that means that your potential children who are in that semen would be sick. I think we're really opening up a can of let us know. I think, yeah, I think that's a very valid question. I heard that jizzy makes you recover.

That's that's something that some guys said. Never I believe that.

That's pop chat, that's pop jat.

So let's just it's like I've got number five on the next race. Also, do you know this semen helps you recover.

Sorry, petty couples, we apologize. We'll get back onto regular programming. This one's from Maddie and she says she'll pick up night shift when her husband's annoying her, so he has to look after the kids while she gets from sleep. Very good night shift again. Sorry, oh what a night.

I've got a whole week and night this week.

This one is from Abby. He says that her husband likes to game a lot and gamer. He's a gamer? Red flag? No, sorry, whoaze not if you're over thirty, you got kids and you're gaming, something's wrong. No, it's not my opinion. There I said it. What do you play?

Your business?

What do you have to.

She says that when he's been playing too much, she'll secretly turn off the Wi Fi so it'll stop the game, and she'll pretend like she doesn't know what happened, Like it's just a little glit with the.

Network, or you just flick it on and off.

Yeah, it'd be like I didn't touch it.

Weird, hear the power?

Very good.

It's like, look, he could be a gamer or it could be golfer. Which one would you prefer? Mum's out there should be happy that he's a gamer, because if it was a golfer, he'd be gone for fucking six hours.

On a Saturday.

Those who are golfing and gaming, fuck.

They're what you call virgins.

Okay, I just want to give you a couple that I'm working with at the moment that I think people can use out there, or people are using as well.

And they don't think that it's petty, but it is. Okay. The first one is kind of mean at the same time, they're all mean.

Yeah, when April forgets a tower for the shower, and quite often she forgets to take a towel in.

With her, that's annoying.

Yeah, but she'll go I'll hear the tap turn off and then she'll go, oh fuck a And I was like, yeah, She's like, I need a towel. I'm like what, And I know the and it's winter, it's getting colder in there, and I let her just shiver for a little while and let her call out a few times for the tower.

How many times a little while.

Until she goes, oh cold, And I'll be like, is it cold? Is it?

And then eventually you are.

Before we recorded we're talking about psychopaths. We were doe, get yourself tested, because that's how hard.

That would be to get tested in psycher. I'm trying to get tested for ADHD and it is so hard.

Maybe that's maybe that's part of the test, like if you can't complete the test and like you add, oh my.

God, you just blew my mind.

And the next one I'm working on at the moment is very light switch related.

There's two I do.

One if April's in the toilet at night, I'll just reach my hand in and turn the light off because she can't get up.

Fuck you're a child, because I get the don't just straight up.

And the other one in when she wants to walk from the door to the bed at night, and she'll be like, he's turned the lamp on so I can see because she wants to turn the main light off, and she'll turn the main light off, and then I'll turn the lamp off.

Just midwalk.

Find your way here, babe. Actually I actually just on that really quickly. I just jog my memory. One thing when we were living without kids or pre kids, and you know how like sometimes you like to pretend to scare your partner like you come boo. Anyway, I took it a little bit too fast. I was in bed with the light off, and I was awake. I pretended to be asleep. She came in, she put her phone on charge, and then she went to the bathroom, and I got up and I hid behind the door.

So when she came in, I was gone. And then I just pushed the door shut. Just she cried. Anyway, that's just a quick shot.

Store.

There's one more here. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna give it to you. If it's no good, we'll edit it out. But this one is from Tresner.

That's the last thing for sure.

Treasanda Brown. She says she gets the ships with her husband because he never ever brings back his takeaway containers like the tap of work containers when he has his lunch at work. She packs the lunch. He leaves it there and that's annoying. Tup of way's expensive.

Yeah, that's ship liked.

So then she cooks really saucy dishes and puts it in ziploc bags like soup. So recently she did curried sausages with mashed potato and a ziplock bag for his lunch.

Yeah, that's good.

Get I like that. That'll get him, that'll learn him.

I like it good. I've got a new question, got a new question.

Question.

So with this episode, is the tecond way longer we thought? You know, it was still a quick episode.

Not when Ash is not drinking. A question for you is you know we've previously talked about the things that we can do to come across as like more sexual or more appealing to our partners. Is it anything that your wife does that really turns you on?

Here's one that got me.

Actually, I'm glad you asked this question, one that really I was.

I was.

I was shocked. And I went down the park the other day with the football and the Oscars loving football moments, were kicking the football, running around anyway, just out of the blue, and.

There's ain't there's nothing sexual about being at the park or is there.

There's a lot of phallic shapes. I kicked the football and April took off after it, and she was like a gazelle, but she was in quite a nice fitting workout outfit. Just the stride on the woman.

Really got me going.

I was like, whoa, It was like I can't well I'm getting flustered.

Just went just your wife in like full stride in an open paddock.

Yeah, is that weird?

That's not weird at all.

How are you going to go with the Elempta say she got.

The Olympics is coming up? Yeah, no doubt what you're going to be watching. Are you more of a hundred meters kind of guy or like a four hundred eight hundred.

We'll get able to run both and see how I go.

You know what it is for me? Yeah, And surely this is like like unanimous, Yeah, unanimous decision.

Surely everyone gets everyone feels this way. If Laura comes out of the shower like she's just like she's like still dripping her talel on but steamy, that's like that's you.

That's me, bro.

You and me are so different. You're like April's are.

Like sweating in full stripe.

Yeah. Heart rate, heart rates at one hundred and fifty.

I was just like I was probably jumping up and down. It was when you like really gets into the nitty gritty of it, but at full pace.

Babe.

If it was like now it's like she knew this, well, she's gonna find out she's going to hear this, and then she's just like she's just running around the house all the time.

Up and down the stairs.

Anyway. Yeah, that's good, that's good gear. Where'd you get that question?

I was just thinking about it because I got the blow job yesterday.

Oh you should get a steam machine, a little steamer, yeah, because then you could be like, I'm not really feeling it.

But in a second, also with Laura, she normally just washes her feet at the nighttime. So I'm like, I'm like, please have a shower, and she's like, do you think I'm dirty? Like, and I'm like, no, I just do it. It's really nice.

If you're going to wash your feet, do it with really hot water.

And she said she has a shower at night time. It's a little treat for me.

Fu we're weird. We're weird and simple.

So we said the simple little thing, last question for today and then we'll let the listeners get back to the day.

Now.

Are going on holidays soon, not locked over, but we did the same holiday last year, and if you recall, went to balley with a couple of couples.

This must be nice. Must be nice.

You can talk a couple of the couple numbers have doubled.

How many there's like six or seven couples. Now, fucking hell, that's a yeah, we're taking over BALI.

Yeah, all from the mother's group.

Mother's group and a couple other couples.

That that's nice. I like that. Good on you guys.

Sorry for not inviting you.

Yeah. The seventh couple being like, what's the problem.

The problem is, it's not a problem.

It's a question.

I've got that, which is the question segment of the show's not sure if you done?

We've done very well. This makes a lot of sense.

The question is at night time, the kids go to bed much earlier. Obviously you're all in like a resort style situation.

Is it okay?

Okay to put the kids to bed and then leave them in the room and go and enjoy maybe a drink or dinner like one on one with the group monitor.

Of course you've got a monitor on them or whatever.

You can still see them.

So you're not going lea leaving okay, but you are going to go, say, to the restaurant downstairs.

Downstairs or on the same level.

Look, bro, you know him, one goes Madeline McCann.

Yeah, I know.

That.

Was different times too, they did not have a monent.

I feel like back then, that was just before that case. I feel like everyone did it. Yeah, everyone used to.

Leave their kids in the car while they're at the pub at the front. Think of all the pub babies.

I missed the good old days playing in the car park. We're parenting in the wrong area of seat belts. Heaven. Ah, we did. In that little trip away. We had Lola sleeping in one of the end rooms of the house. There's a fire pit that was on the other side, and we would just with Laura's phone call MyPhone, but put Laura's phone in the room and then I would have my phone on speaker so if she woke up, we could hear it. And I think like even that made us anxious, Like I was.

Like April was like, nah, I can't do that. I feel like, if you're in range of the monotor, we'll just do a hypothetical scenario. You've got a ground level m yeah, okay, which is a lot of in Balley because it's pools and all sorts of stuff. You put your kids asleep, you've got a monitor on them, and then the restaurant is within monitor range. So I'm here sitting with you having dinner. Here's the monitor. We're having our adult time before we it's like each other's digs,

What's the range of a baby monitor? Because I've never used one.

I'm glad you asked. It varies, It would vary from brand to brand. I'd say, let's say it's fifty meters. Let's say it's fifty meters.

Yeah, yeah, fifty meters is fine.

That's okay.

Oh fuck.

I would like to know what people thought, because honestly, I don't want to. I'm not going to throw anyone on the bus because everyone parents differently, everyone's got a different opinion.

We're not here to judge, we're not here to charge.

I think personally, if you're within range of the baby monitor, it's play on. Yeah, okay, because you could be at the backyard of my house. My kids are the other end of the house asleep, and I'm within range of the baby monitor, and I hear them, I see them, they need me.

I'm there within an instant.

But also, do you know what a better option is? Just get one of those babysitters, I know.

But then also the trusting is complete. Stranger in a different country in the room with them.

You just don't think about it. Just lock it out, don't think about it.

Yeah, okay, So I would like this is my call out to those of who are listening to finish off this amazing pod that we've just done.

One of my best, one of our best. I would say, they're all our best.

This is top of the list. Just let it. Give us your thoughts.

What's put a rule?

What's the rule of thumb?

Yeah, we'll put it.

We'll put a video out or put it on the Facebook group so that you can give us what you think or if you've got any tips.

On that what to do that's probably just like don't leave your kids.

Yeah, we've got plenty of time to figure out what is the right thing to do before October. Yes, for sure, Ash I do want to take this opportunity to say to anyone out there listening who hasn't yet given us a review, we would we would love it if you would subscribe to us. We would love that as well. I would love it even more if you would send this episode to anyone out there who may have a giggle at us talking about TV show and getting blow jobs and getting horn in the park.

Also, don't still my idea. If you do take the.

Idea as you have to get out of here because you're going surfing. Oh yeah, it must be nice.

It must be nice to be nice, not to be sick all at the time.

Must be nice. I've forgot what that feels like to be.

You'll come good, I'll go bad, You'll come good, and then we'll get to use that surfboard that you've brought.

How many I've not yet used it?

Hey, guys, thank you for having see next week.

Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland the people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land