#78 Rain Man, Shitty Dinners and Solo Parenting!

You know how much I dislike dentists because I call them Mount doctors.

Mount. No, they are.

Sorry. That was very generous of me. Yeah, the dentists said, We're like, oh, thank you.

Thank you.

We are doctors as well, dental school, medical school, different thing. Anyway, I just want to say the dentist has won this round. Oscar this morning received a Transformer tooth, so now he's part Transformer. It's just a metal fucking cap on his tooth.

Also, they're baby teeth. They fall out.

I don't cap that.

So yeah, I'm just going to concede defeat on this one because April well that the dentist sold him on it. But April also on April.

I'll wait here he comes home, I'll pull it out.

We win five hundred big ones A cost me this morning. But apparently he was a big brave boy. But also I'm very disappointed with the dentist.

I'm disappointed in you.

Why if I had my say, poor kid had still be in pain.

Welcome back to two Dating Dads. I am Mattie Jay and I'm Ash. This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable and if you've come winning any advice, we don't give it. We never will, never have, never want to, we.

Never want to. Would you not wish to be canceled? We're giving any unsolicited advice?

And if you do have a saw tooth, we do recommend you see your local mouth.

Salesman or mouth mechanic.

Sorry to interrupt you there, to correct you again before we get into it. We are Matt, We are as always drinking a stone and wood, and I have some fantastic news for you, Matt.

Well, what's up?

I've converted April.

I would have said when I first met April, I would have said, she's a big beer drinker. Supposed to me, woman looks like she would chug them down.

She looks like Barney Off.

So she has tried a couple of times and now it is.

The only beer that she will drink.

Ah. Yes, but it has to be on Sunday afternoon and sunny specific times.

So what happens if it's raining? She's onto the She must love the fact ash that the Pacific Ale is made with all Australian barley, wheat and galaxy hops from Tasmania.

Love those galaxy tops on.

Those Sundays when the sun is out and you are having a little tipple of pacific ale. What are you eating? Ash?

Oh, bit crackers, A bit bree.

May I recommend some seafood, some oysters maybe to go.

Oysters don't have oyster money, caveat and lobsters. Okay, We're more a fish and chip family. Bro cheers to that fish and chips. Stonewood Pacific. Thank you Stonewood as always for providing the good stuff. Now before we do, also before we do get into.

This, get it in you go on, swallow.

That's delicious, Matt. I have an update on our investment the football team.

You see my hands going like this the r O I the return on investment is good. It's great. I've sent you some footage of them there. I did the other day.

Drills going well. A couple of them have played some games. Young Hugo, as I've mentioned before, the prodigy. He is the prodigy. There's a couple of other kids on the team as well. There's a new kid who's quite the big statured boy named Zach Boy.

He's a he's a what boy. He's a thick what boy. Zach He's got a boot on him. He can kick.

Also, young Maddie, not Mattee, Maddie Madison.

I believe it is.

So it's a mixed team.

It's a mixed Temyeah. There's some girls in there. There's Andy's a girl, Maddie. Macy's always running around.

I've always wondered, are they playing tackle? No?

No, no, no no, they're just playing.

Well, so with a Friday nights is they do all the drills and then they.

They do they do. Sorry, I don't think you dare.

We've invested these young kids. Into these young children's minds.

I'm locked in. They just what it is some blood.

They can opt in for a Saturday game. Okay, so there's like one or two teams that play Saturday, and if we want to opt some players into play, they can play.

The ones that are way.

More confident and very good and want to really compete, then they can opt in.

But like Oscar, no not interested.

He just likes to well, actually he likes to watch.

But we'll get to that instead.

But I will say, young Maddie, big boot on her.

She yeah, holy ship.

We do the thing where we put it onto a t and they kick it.

All right.

I feel like I'm in the slips. Anyway, it's going really well. And we're saying too that Oscar was really really anxious for a while there and he wouldn't get involved.

That was a couple of weeks coat which I.

Think that was off the back of the fact that there was wet weather.

He slipped over.

Okay, he needs to understand how does he go about getting muddy.

He's all right.

Now, But then he was like anyway, he was just didn't understand that sometimes you fall over drink football.

It's a critical part of playing the game.

But you don't want to do he want to take the approach of being like good out there, son. I was more like, let's ease him back into it, and April was very good and helping do that because I was running around.

Macy loves it.

Macy's in their shirt looks like a dress so long.

She's running around.

She loves it.

And like, look all the brothers and sisters and stuff getting involved as well. So it's a good little crew we got going up there. But a couple of weeks have been since Oscar's a little tumble and we've slowly moved him back into to the point where this week he actually won an award. I'm going to show you he won Most Improved. Okay, look at him, but he opted to wear the news out Blues Jersey instead of his actual training that day.

He looks very pleased with himself.

Free meat pie.

Yeah, is that what he want.

From the there's a there's a Lambie Pye's, so shout out to a Lambie Pye's. Also, so the investment's going great?

Okay? Are we on the award?

Is that's a separate initiative?

Can we sponsor an award?

We sponsor everything else.

If you when you get a six pack of Stonewood.

Okay, Matt story out there, any parents that are listening.

I will say not to not to talk down the achievement of Oscar. I remember getting Most Improved and it was one of the awards that I didn't want to win. I don't know if you view it the same way, Ash, but I always saw Most Improved as you were a bit shit. No you're not as shit.

I think you're kind of right. But also any step forward.

Is a positive step forward. I think I think that's the why you should be looking at it.

Is that what you say as like coach talk Listen.

Kids, I'm way more abusive than that. I'm not even the coach. I'm just on the sidelines, going.

When does the season end?

End of winter?

I was going to say I'd come down to be water boy, but but it's a long way to drive from Bondai from the shores of Bonda Beach.

You just don't sound like you're as committed to these investment as I am. I'll be there to fly the flag off the two doting dad's flag. Also, I just want to say, by the time this episode comes out.

You would have aged so happy birthday.

Thank you.

I haven't do anything yet. Maybe you forgot mine last year? Did I now am off the hook for forgetting.

You're very good with birthday I am. It's not a lot you're good at.

Fuck you.

Birthday dates and memorizing them. Is that right up the top of your list of achievements?

Like I don't know Lowell's birthday.

I do, it's sometime this year, was actually earlier this year, but also.

Marley's is the nineteenth of June. I know that much.

Raw Yeah, well over that is you're like the rain Man rain Man of kids birthdays.

Okay, what day she was born nineteenth of June twenty nineteen.

What day was that, Ash, nineteenth of June.

What day would that be?

That would be even Wednesday? Thank you, I just guess.

I got no idea.

I don't know. That was a blatant guess.

Is my birthday coming back? As you mentioned Ash, by the time this comes out, it would have I.

Would have been any special plans.

Oh not really. I'm most excited about the fact.

That blooja if you will.

I'm not really been like huge, am I I'm big on my list?

Sex sucks. I'm just gonna stay well.

I like sex not so much. Some people like a birthday blowjob for some men is great. For me, I'm like, leave me alone. I would rather the sex, okay, not the blowjob, take it to leave it.

Much, rather a leg check and hand job. Just to be honest with you. Sorry, okay, sorry about me.

But I'm most excited about the fact that Laura is coming home. For the last ten nights, it's been myself and the two girls, Marley and Lola. Laura has been gone my mum, who had moved in with us. She went on another fucking trip, but came back from Europe packed her bags.

She's off againoolies.

Mum has been sending me photos of her like potato head, and she's like, I'm going down to La tomorrow. She's having cocktails on the beach with these other lovely seven year olds. They're having a hell time.

You're just like in the cold winter air with two children.

Do you know what she did as well? I don't know if this is just my mom. When my mom went to Ballei, she packed with her a big container, plastic container.

Full of cheese.

She packed up her cheeseboard. Oh, the board itself, No, no, like not the board itself. Just she got like eight different types of cheeses, put it in a container. And there's no restrictions on bringing dairy into Bali, isn't. She had like the blue vein, the cheddar, the Guda blue vein.

I bet she did.

I was like, what are you doing? And she had it packed up in the fridge with a notes do not touch Barlei cheese.

She's like, wait till they get to the lasagna in the garrier.

But Laura was in India. She's now in Bali, hands linked up with mum. They've had a few little evenings together, but a wine time, the cheese was eaten. And look, I'm now I'm not coming to the end of my stint as a solo parent, and but a roller coaster my bad.

I Look, honestly, I wouldn't wish it upon any parent, any man, woman or child.

The good thing is, and this might sound really obvious, but when you're forced to parent alone, it makes you very good at what you do. Yeah, Like when it's like you have literally no one else, it's like a sport.

I think what sport would you compare it to?

Man?

Like something? Obviously?

Do you know? Like the Dhaka rally?

You know, like they people die along the way.

Hey, there's been many times where it was touch and go for a while with me and to the point of exhaustion. It's like an ultra marathon. I think. You know, you're on your own. It's just you. You're tired, You're hungry, hungry, very hungry. You got no patience, angry. You want to quit, but you know you can't. You just got to keep going. One foot and foot you, as a wise man once said to me, ash a foot ahead of you is a good foot to take.

Oh that is well said?

That what you said every step forward is a good step. What do you say? I don't know.

I made it up so I can't remember.

But I feel like my parenting ability now is like at its absolute peak. Like I'm so honed into the kids, to the point where if I'm like in public and another child is crying, I'll be like, it's all right, I've got this. I'm a single parent.

Get away from my kid creep. I'm a single parent.

I got this. I walk into daycare to pick up Marley and Lola and the other kids, they gravitate towards me. They know that I understand aura. I'm on their level. I have to like peel them off me like leeches.

Your AURA level has gone way up. Thank you.

People are noticing. Give us a few You gotta be some high moment.

It's funny how it's funny how it the pendulum can swing so quickly.

As I've always said that.

The parenting pendulum, where you know, one second you can be having the most beautiful moment, heartfelt, raw emotion. Oh it's lovely, and then the next second it can be fucking hell.

Oh, just like how quick that thing can swing. Pendulum.

It's the right concept. But doesn't move fast enough to explain exactly what you mean, because you could be like.

This is so much fun, and before it could.

Actually get to that end, it's just don't want any of the other direction. Some of the low points for me Ash was the knits came back. Oh knits two point zero stupidly for anyone wondering, any parents out there who may experience their first knit situation. You've got to do two treatments once and then do it again seven days later just to get anywhere. Yeah. Yeah, it does say that on the instructions, which I only read after the fact that the nit's came back.

So have you brought nits into my house today?

I'm good, I'm clean. Okay, I'm clean. I'm not infested. A call from daycare and they said, you know, the dread call from daycare and I was like hello, and I'm like, I'm so sorry, Marley, Alola has has knits and you've got to come pick them up.

I can.

I was like, fuck, So how do they go pick up the girls? And I call it the evening shift slashed the afternoon shift. When you get home, go straight to dinner, bath, bed routine. It's hard it's a hard slock.

The closing shift or whatever they call it.

It's a hard slock. And then to make it even harder, throw in a knit treatment by yourself. And the issue is ash. The issue is when you're doing it by yourself and you're trying to juggle to your kids. Yeah, have to leave the treatment in there. It's like a eucalyptus tea tree oil.

There.

Leave it in with ten minutes. Ten minutes minutes for a toddler is fucking a wife an eternity.

And Lola, it's like when someone says, just plank for a minute. Oh my god, like, oh, you're watching the microwave countdown from one minute.

This is the slowest minute ever.

Lola was good to start with. She hates anything like can't touch your hair. If I do her hair in the morning, I've got to like get in get out quick and she'll be screaming, kicking and screaming. So putting it in this liquid you have to like saturate the hair you want to, like see like massage massage did in get all the nits drowned them and then.

Water doesn't drown them. That's that's whe picking up what you put them down.

Apparent I'm no new experts say you check on the ocean, but apparently, yeah, you need to.

These things can live under Apparently.

Like I spoke to the pharmacist and she was like, the nits have evolved and they're now surviving like without blood because they like sucky blood. They're now surviving like weeks. They like the new cockroach, and they've also Apparently the pharmacist was fucking freaking out when I went in there and said that I have to get treatment and knit treatment for my kids. She was like, Olf, of these products don't even work anymore.

You set her off.

She's like an old war veteran with She's like.

These things don't work anymore. We've been in the trenches for years.

I went back in the day and she like, burnt the place down.

This will get rid of them. Maybe I thought about burning your children's tear off. The only thing we'll get rid of them.

This match is a bottle of pet. No, not that to my kids. But I put it on Lola's head. Five minutes go by and then doing Marley, and then I look over and Lola's rubbing her eyes.

Oh for gods, say.

She's rubbed the treatment like the tea Troy or like into her eyes, so she's got.

A get the milk on it.

So then I'm like fuck. I'm then trying to comb it through her hair, like trying to get the eggs out while she's like screaming. So then I'm like fuck. So then I'm trying to wash it off. Meanwhile Marley's like, hat, it's no longer in a Bonet's come down, So then it's dripping all over the floor. And then like by the time I washed their had to wash their hair three times to get it out. And washing his hair is the absolute worst. So I didn't get him to

Ah and like, did you think of maybe some goggles some goggles?

Fuck? There he is there, he is there.

You go, I'm good for something.

It's funny you say you did mention a second ago, you mentioned we'll give you some petrol, Okay, because I did put a little message out to our Facebook community if you want to join our Faceboo community. You can do so Facebook, two doting dads.

We do have to approve whether you're allowed to be a member.

We'll take anyone who will take it.

We'll take you unless you we're almost at a thousand, unless you're a predator.

And then we'll have to consider.

Even then we're like, you're on the short list.

Shot.

Okay, so I did put the call out just for some headline, nightmare story, anything, I don't know what.

Before you get into that, I will say I also got some great advice from my sister, okay, which came which came in very late, a bit like the Goggle recommendation, but apparently Okay, So anyone out there who is going into their first situation treating it. When you put the stuff on the hair and you're gotta wait the ten minutes, glad wrap, glad wrap the head, yes, kind of like they do in the salons.

I think, what if you just got like a swimming cap.

Also a great idea.

What about a shower cap and you can just stick your tap it around.

Now you're just showing off helmet.

What about a helmet? Okay, that's good, that's good. That's good gear. Because I haven't had them yet.

Well, you're in my house now, so I saw you rubbing your head on my couch before.

This will get them fuck you. Okay.

So I did put the call out for some head lies, some juicy headline stories, is how I put it, and I won't read them all because there's a lot of long ones. But you did mention a second ago petrol. So Lauren says, my dad put petrol in my hair when I was in primary school.

To stop the headlines.

That's fucked.

Can confirm it worked. No, I also had scalp burn and smelled like a.

I bet you any money. They're from the country. That's a country thing to do.

She says, we're not from the country.

An am put it in petrol.

Someone.

There's a couple of dad jokes in there, like that's a head scratcher of a story. Oh, not very funny.

I'll just do one more that I thought was good.

This is from Francis. I got head last when I was at a festival.

She was nineteen. She tried everything to get rid of them.

She had a boyfriend at the time and realized that she was going to have to have the awkward conversation that he could potentially have head last as well, which he did, and they treated it together.

Oh that's cute.

That's quite nice, little bonding day. A few weeks later, I found out that we had them again. I ended up finding out that he was cheating on me. After the first time I gave him head last. He passed them on to the other girl and she had given them back to him.

Holy shit, that is juicy. She said, that's more juice than I was expecting.

So anyway, I wasn't so mad. I got head lass. In the end, it exposed a cheetah and I both left him and her with head lass.

Wow, there you go.

That's the first good d that I've heard.

Head last too.

Yeah, they're like the Jerry Springer of the modern day.

Jerry rest in peace.

Is he dead?

Yeah? Sorry, if he's not dead, apologies, he's very quiet.

I'm pretty sure. Another low point, this one was just last night. And as I say this, you'll be like, well, of course that was going to fucking end badly.

Oh I can't wait.

So we're now on the home stretch. Laura's about to come back within like, you know, twenty four hours. My time as a single parent is over and I thought, I'm going to make the last few nights as memorable as I can for all of us, for me and my daughters. So on the weekend we went out for dinner. We went to an ice cream shop.

And the girls out for dinner like an early gym.

Sunday, yea Sunday early dinner with another friend with young kids. Got some pizza next to the pizza shop, got ice cream.

The lobster and Cafa pizza.

The pistachio not ice cream was great.

And the girls as we're driving home, this is like midweek, they said, can we go get ice cream after dinner?

Midweek?

And I said, do you know what I'm fun times dad, I'm here to make call memories. I said, if we get home, and we did have a bit of time, it was maybe like four point thirty. I said, look, if we go home, we'll have an early dinner and if you eat your dinner quickly, we'll get back in the car, go get some ice cream. Bubb's your uncle. Everyone's having a great time.

That's a good little bribe tactic too.

That's what I thought, clever, That's what I thought, but didn't work. Do explain, well, just they didn't eat dinner quick enough, so by the time we kind of got dinner, they'd eaten it. We had a few arguments, a few tears of the fact that like, my kids just don't eat dinner, breakfast, great dinner.

Shit, don't even get me fucking started.

I was very much at the point where I was like, on like the twentieth threat of like, we're not getting ice cream unless you have two more mouthfuls, and they were like, oh, I can go home, but you promised, And I was like, remember fun times dad, here for a good time.

Also angry time Dad, if he needs to be it's the same guy.

Aye, girls, it's the same guy.

And then at a point where I was like I should be running the bath and like getting them in the bath, I was fucking putting them back in the car to go to get ice cream.

Oh my god.

For those of listening who do not have kids but just like to listen to Matt and I talk shit about ours anytime around that bath bedtime, our give will take either side. Putting them in a vehicle is the biggest risk.

You can take.

Mainly for one thing, they could fall asleep and not transition out of that car into bed and you end up with a child who's had a power nap and then.

Even power up for like a second, they're up for days.

That's what I feel like. You're up with them all night.

So that's just for some context where Matt's at right now. Okay, yeah, okay, firstly dumb, Yeah.

Go, I'm an idiot. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, finally getting back in the car, and then as we get ice cream, I was like, fuck, it's it's pretty late. It's pretty late. The ice cream meeting was great, having to get back in the car to get back home, to get it back in the bath. At this point, you know when you talk about you see toddlers are young kids, they're like little drunk adults. Like they're just they're just nightmare.

I stopped really quickly in the car on the way home. How did you keep them awake? What was what would you go to? Technique?

Well?

Mine swerve?

Yeah, I was slamming the brake.

There's no one else on the road, and you're like not that often and you're just up the street.

You just.

Sorry back to it was just in the bath. They were both so tired at this point. It's like seven o'clock and we're having bath. I'm an hour behind schedule. I'm fucking stressed. The kids are exhausted. From then on, it was just an uphill, painful battle to get them in to bed, and I thought to myself, you're a You're an idiot.

Do they eat their dinner? No?

Yeah, yeah, half of it? Half. So that was that was one of the moments where I was like, I'm an idiot.

It's a dumb move.

When you're trying to put them to bed, they're overtired, and it's like, you've tried to be fun time dad, and it's got You just mentioned the pendulum earlier.

That is exactly what you've done.

It's a swinging pendulum.

What time did you get to sleep?

Eight thirty? I know it's up and five. Yeah.

Yeah. I love that wishful thinking. It's like maybe they'll sleep in Nope.

But also to make mad, it is even worse. My kids don't nap anymore. I'bably like Marley's five dollars three. Lola is now slipped into the routine of having a daytime nap because she's had too many late nights, early starts. Oh and then because she's just got so much tiredness built up. They're like, we are trying our hardest to keep her awake, but it's like someone hits it with a tranquilizer at one o'clock and.

She's like, and the thing is, it's like we're talking about a toddler burne on the candle of both. It's like me going out every night and then having to record.

It's not gonna happen. But then the best part was just really quickly, I'll wrap it up, ash, Yeah, that's good, I wrap it up. The best part was one of the highlights was one night, exhausted, get into bed again. Have I mentioned that I'm a single parent right now, I'm by myself, all alone. Out there in the big wide were two kids who are nightmares, love them, but nightmares. And then as I was getting myley to bed, she goes, Dad,

Oh yeah, it was it the penis.

It was nothing. She did draw penis.

How does she know what that looks like?

She's I don't want to give you to scrap it a paper and she just wrote Dad with three love hearts on it, and she folded up as a card and said, Dad, this is for you. I love you. And I was just like, depending.

On his back, he goes, that's how you spill mum, isn't.

It just on the dinner thing really quick?

Yeah?

I am at my wits hand.

Last night, the kids were coming back from kindy.

They're at Papa's house.

They always snack a lot over there, which is fine because then they they you know, like.

This little little jab Papa.

Yeah, no, it was That's fine. I don't care because they finish kindy. They're gona be hungry. It's like when you get home from school and you're ravishing or.

Anyway.

I was like, okay, they eat the dinosaur pasta, which is pasted the shape as dinosaurs. I was like, what was on the menu was pastor and meatballs. So I made the dinosaur pasta and I squashed the meatballs down and got the dinosaur cutter things out that look like dinosaurs. I thought, oh, these kids will eat that, all right. They'll love this dinosaur everything.

They will love it. They'll eat it. Just keep this in mind.

The photo I'm going to show you is a dinosaur pasta and dinosaur meatballs and that's the pictures from after they.

Are attempted eating it.

So this is Macy's not one bite taken. It's a terrible effort, I know.

Can I ask you a question?

I'm giving up at this point.

Have you put any butter in the pasta?

They did that once and they were like, oh slippery. Anyway, this is Oscars once again, nothing eating nothing at all. So I'm at my WIT's end. So it's toasting cereal.

Dry bro if I'm honest. No, it was not to Gordon Ramsey you but what are you an idiot?

Sandwich? Anyway, I'm at my wits end. It's going to be toasting cereal from now on. But I don't know what it is.

Macy doesn't like sauce. Oscar like sauce on certain things. Also, who doesn't like sauce? I always say food is just a vessel.

It's the sauce, sauces the food, right.

I just want to quickly mention. Actually, I saw an article out there that mentioned the most pop the baby names they're coming out for both boys.

Was Matthew on it checkould just wait for you to read them out. I'm so impatient.

I love how this whole episode you've been just for the listeners out there that probably won't see it because it's on the opposite side of where the camera usually faces. Matt's been doing this whole episode.

On his sleeve is a child sticker.

Oh fuck.

And I didn't tell him because I thought.

That's a great accessory, very brand, very on brand. Those of you who have small children know these stickers are everywhere, and they kids love stickers much. They like band aids, and they always end up over everything.

But that's not a bad place for it.

But if I take that off, Lola.

Like I put that sticker on you before I left house.

Okay, you've got the list in front of you as well. And this will be for anyone out there who has yet to name their child, maybe the child's been born.

Or wants to rename their child because they've named it something stupid like argyle or something you dumb.

Is it funny some people will like name their child and not do the official papers. Three days down the track, be like, do you know what, he's not Lucifer, he's Rodney.

I was actually Matthew.

What happened?

We will have to ask my mum when we get her on that's right. She was down the beach and there was too many kids. I'm Matthew and she was like, fuck that, there's a lot of us, but my middlelane is Matthew. I didn't know that.

You don't know much about me, Like where my birthday is. I'm still holding a grudge.

When is that September?

Yeah?

Sorry? Sorry?

All right? You go the boys?

Yeah?

Yeah, if you want to rename your child from Lucifer.

Number one name, apparently, according to this list for boys, is Oliver. Oh, it's a bit of a I don't know any I'm not.

You can't say it's a ship name because there's people listening.

I apologize.

It's not a ship name. It's an above average I.

Feel like we should have started from five to one, but we'll start from.

Go from fives. Go from five. You already know one, Go from six, five to six or two?

Okay, Hudson strong ship sick number five Theodore Theodore Teddy Teddy great name. What are the girls? Give some girl names?

As I'm gonna go, The fifth one is m i A, Maya, Miya and Olivia and Leo.

I do like the name Leo.

It is pretty good.

Leo Henry. Henry's back.

Henry's a bit king regal regal. Yeah, Henry the second actually on TikTok at the moment, I watched one Henry the Eighth video. Now my whole fop is Henry the eighth and the weird things that he did, like, it's not really bad because of his leg was rotting.

Don't name your child, Henry. His leg might brought out from underneath him.

Number two name for boys is Noah. No, I have not Noah.

Never met her.

Yeah, I've not met any nose at all my time me either.

So I've got three Charlotte. That's like pretty old Charlotte.

If you charots a daycare too many?

If you asked me Amelia, Amelia just sounds like a nice name to yell and coming in at number one, can you guess?

Well, it's in front of me, but I wasn't asking you.

It's Isler as in like Isla Fisher. I like it. Alright, let's do before.

Oh my god, I'm getting the people what they want.

Man, I'm doing you from last week. I've got one more like just like one second story. Yeah, a little update, big achievement for me.

Yeah that I got the treatment last week when I tried to tell you, when I tried to tell you another really rivating story.

And I was like, what's it got to fucking end? Really quick, really quick achievement. This happened last night, and I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. Lola would come into bed and never ever ever snuggle with me. Only Marley would snuggle. Lola would always snuggle with Laura right, And a few times recently Lola would hop into bed and I'd be like, hey, I'd like try and give her a snuggle, and she go, what the fucking She stopped me right there and be like back off.

Sorry.

And then last night she said, Daddy, can you give me a cuddle? She lay on my arm.

You are the only option, though I don't.

Yeah, After like weeks of being starved of cuddle, She's like, alright, let's go do it. I had the deadest fucking arm.

She got a big head. That girl.

Wasis a ton. I was like three in the morning and I was like, really want to move my arm right now. Petty couples, Petty couple, one more quick thing, No, nice.

Try petty couples. Enjoy the song you can.

Read me like a book.

Petty couple, Welcome down the street, petty couple.

They can with me, couple, I love you, but immit you.

No one can push me quite like you.

Okay, Matt May.

I thought maybe this time, instead of reading these long winded ones, we might.

Just rattle off short and punchy.

Short and punchy. So if you want to go first.

Okay, this one.

These are anonymous, all anonymous, but I feel like they're very universal and everyone's got the same.

Maybe people are submitting these anonymously because a couple of people when we post us on social media, some mostly older, they come out and they say, oh my god, why are you acting like children?

Grow up buck in mind day. If I did, that's my wife. She'd leave me.

Good, good, okay if he annoys me. If he annoys me, I make a coffee and I don't leave any hot water for him in the kettle to make one for himself.

That's as good as the one that we got where she's like, I empty the coffee machine. I've got one here, which was personal favorite.

This one says I stand in the kitchen or pack the dish wash while he's trying to.

Literally happened to me in April. This morning we all got up this morning.

I was like, I'll make coffees and then the kids want to breakfast, and it was like we'll both in each other's way.

We'd like.

Anything.

This one says, I washed the dishes while he showers, so his water goes cold on him. Brilliant, brilliant.

We have our plumbing is like that where it's like I remember as a kid, Actually my mum used.

To do that to my dad. Be like, God, he's been in the show. Just hear this.

And last one from me is I throw the empty toilet rolls that he leaves on the toilet paper handle into his closet.

Very good.

If you have any petty couple stories that you want to send in, you can send them to two Doding Dad's DMS on Instagram or Hello at two Doing dads dot com dot a hue.

Also the Facebook group. We are so close to cracking a thousand members. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait. It's kicking off in there.

It's kicking off, its kicking, it's popping off. Mate, Come on in this room. There's no actual music.

We come on in questions.

Ashh yeah, I've.

Got a question here. This one is also anonymous, a very anonymous episode.

This one spooky.

Okay, I want to hear your take on this. Okay, this comes from a couple. They've recently got a newborn child. It's maybe like six or seven months old. This is the scenario.

Okay.

I want to know if you think one of the adults here is overreacting, or if one of the adults was being slightly negligent. Oh okay, juicy, very ju say say you say so, Buba is asleep.

Okay, Bubba's the baby's name.

That's the mom. Bub The baby is asleep. Okay, yeah, Mom, whilst baby goes down, Mom's like I have to run out quickly run a little errand, So she's going to be on the road, so is leaving the baby in charge with dad?

Can I just kudo as you're on the correct pronunciation of errand you added the d in errand. Pop always say I was just gonna run a couple errand.

Thank you. My mother was a teacher, so whenever I did anything wrong, she would beat.

Me with the cane. Go sorry, sorry.

Mom has gone out to run an errand Dad has been left with child, Bub six months old, asleep in the cot Okay, okay, they are in an apartment building. Yep, it's now late.

I'm picturing it.

He has ordered dinner from the restaurant, which is just literally walk out the apartment across the road. That's the restaurant. So you could be at the restaurant and you could look back almost see the front door.

Or any particular cuisine they didn't mention.

Let's go with Italian, I think, I mean it was winter.

Yes, Lasagna, maybe pizza.

Your mum's got one in the bank.

He's gone down to get the food. He's left Bub in the apartment asleep, asleep, all right, he's just going to run down pick up the food. Come back, right, he's gone down there. They've gone. Actually, we missed one of your meals. It's going to be a couple of minutes now. It's just coming out of the kitchen. So then he's wondering, what do I do? Do I go back? Do I stay? He stayed? And you know sometimes that when you when you're.

Not going to have a bad ending story.

Okay, no bad ending. He waved to the food. By the time he comes back, mum has come back from running the area. She is holding a screaming baby or a crying baby. Maybe this hasn't been embellish. I'm not quite sure. But who do you think is that fault here?

Oh, it's pretty obvious it's a fault.

Talk to me.

Look, I get that the.

Restaurant is directly across. I get that you can see the window or whatever, or you'd see where you live.

I'm sorry.

You cannot leave a baby unattended at that age. And I'm on that side because once, when Oscar was quite young, he in his sleep he started choking on his stomach bile and I had to get him up and get him out.

What if I wasn't there. That's one side of the story.

The second side of the story is why did they not communicate to say, hey, I've ordered dinner while you're coming back from your Errand if they had communicated about dinner, which I guarantee you they would have, why didn't you offer to pick it up and say you can't leave, I'll grab it on the way home.

But don't you think that maybe he was trying to do like the right thing, and that when she comes home, dinner was there and it's on the table and that look, Brownie points.

Yeah, look the idea if that's the case, brilliant execution, not so cybris, just honestly ring them up and say, hey, I'll give someone a five dollar tip to run it to my door.

And that's a good shout. But then do you think though then, like we never used a baby monitor ever. Okay, so if Marley or Lola was asleep, you know, we'd be potentially like you know, but you can hear them, well, not always sometimes the TV was on.

How loud are you listening to the TV?

Lou Also where two dads, you're forgetting that mum's instincts and ears are very different. They're like bats, they're like and he's so they've got sonar, hearing, vibrate.

That's what I've now got off the back of being a single parent.

From there you go benefits and I've grown tits and I'm lactated. Look, I don't want to give advice. We do not give advice.

We don't do it.

But my thought process, my thought process here is one thing. Communicate please for God's sake, because it probably if he was like, look, I'm trying to do a nice thing. I've ordered dinner.

Do you minds picking it up?

Or just pick up the fucking phone and say, hey, sixteen year old kid that runs food for fucking living, can you just.

Run across the street. I've got five bucks with your name on it, bro and high five.

I think that's a great solution. I have. I have been guilty when Marley was a newborn, when we're living in Bondai, I would call the cafe order a coffee. She'd go to sleep, and I'd run across the road, get the coffee and run back. Oh, don't give me that deep breath sigh.

No, because I'm trying to look.

I'm also trying to sympathize with you and the parent with trying to get it done.

But the coffee can fucking wait. I agree.

Sorry, I think what's more important.

Is the life of a child.

I have a question for you, Matt, and this is actually someone has sent this one in.

It's anonymous, but.

It's also something I want to ask you because both of our kids are exactly the same age by a week. I don't know if you remember when Oscar's birthday is, like I remember when Marley's.

Just count back five days, that's when it is.

There's no need to have such a patronizing time.

It's all right. You did come to the birthday, so it's all good.

They're both at an age and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when everything has to end in it why they always have to know.

Why everything is? Why it is? Do you have this problem with Marley? Is one question that I have.

And the second question I have is do you have any tips or tricks to shut them the fuck up.

In the nicest way possible?

Do what?

Because you can't?

Just they're learning little mind, so I get it, you can't be like shut up.

Marley actually doesn't ask the why questions, partly because she Yeah, she's smarter than I am, so I'm normally asking her why why she doesn't normally. I mean, the only thing that she's been quite inquisitive about is death.

Okay, me too.

She's trying to wrap her head around the concept of death and like, where do you go after you die?

Well, depends on who you ask.

That's the only topic that she really wants to try and unpack and wrap her head around. Other than that, she's not really one to like be too inquisitive. We always answer the death one with like you're going to heaven. The stars are actually people shutting down on us. That's beautiful, thank you so much. So Papa's up.

Except stars are just people shutting down on you.

Except the only issue is was So he'll be like, moley, I got a beautiful night sky. We're like that bright start up there, that's baba. And then when it's a cloudy night, she's like, where the hell's papa?

He's gone again.

Sorry, the sentiment is lovely. I find that Oscar. Anything that happens, he just comes up with like a line of interrogation, like why, who, what?

Where? When?

Like he got that award for most Improved, he was like why did I get this? He's like, you were most improved, most improved at what? Why was I most improved? Why didn't the other kids get one? Why did mact like one of the kids got like man of the Match or whatever.

And he's like why did he get a different one?

Or like just like and I found myself And again I don't want to be like.

Because it's so fucking annoying.

He's not listening to this.

He's just trying to know.

He's trying to learn, but I'm in the car.

We're really on the way home, and I'm trying to concentrate and' and I'm.

Just saying this big wide world and I felt shut up, sorry exactly, that's how we got there.

And I just like I said to him, I said, Oscar, You've asked some really really good questions, but.

It's enough question for now.

And I was like, we can talk about it more when we get hurt. Like I was like trying to not be mean and be like shut them out.

Just all sit down and be quiet for a bit.

Yeah, that's what I was like.

I still felt bad because it's like he's just trying to learn about everything. But that's why I said, you've had some really good questions.

I served him a shit sandwich.

I was like, you had some really good questions, but can you shut the fuck up now and then when we get home?

Like that for the podcast, right ash.

Anyway, if anyone has any tips on that, that'd be great, please put them on the Facebook group.

Should we get out of here, my guy.

Yeah, let's go. Matt's getting hungry.

Let's wrap this up. I will say this before I go. If you've enjoyed this episode, which I can only assume that you've had the time of your life if they're still here listening to us.

Don't go, don't go, don't go just yet.

I'm not finished. Sit down, Sit back down. We would love it if you would review this podcast, subscribe to it, give it a few stars, maybe a couple of comments. People keep living stars and there's no comments, and share it with some friends, share with some friends and join us on the Facebook group.

Minutes there's a hoops. We'll see you guys next week.

Be out two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight islander people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land