#77 Plane Attacks And Panic Attacks At School!

Beef cake. Look at look at that thick boy.

Come here, thick boy, you.

Look you look very cozy, very cozy. Today I might have to take my pants off. Take your shoes off, mate, relax Na, Welcome back to two doting dads. I happen to be Maddie Jay and I happen to be Ash And this happens to be a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad and relatable and we never ever ever give advice. Never. We are not that type of podcast.

I refuse.

We never will be. You will never change. Will be a place where we we celebrate our failures as parents.

Which is a lot of them.

And if you here of a failure, sit down and get comfortable one of us. Yes.

And before we get started, Matts, we are drinking. Believe it or not, we are drinking a stone and wood. We thought we'd mix things up, pacific Al. This is Ellie Johnson's aka the Nana.

Have ever drinking?

She drinks it warm.

I was like, there's one's in the fridge and she's like, no, this is fine. Something happens when you get older and your taste buds go a little bit skwy. But She still loves to taste of stone and wood cold or warm. It's just like I want a warm one. Does anyone out there in winter enjoy warm stone and wood? If there would be people, do you reckon? Yeah, I'd love to hear from you if you are If you're that person, get in touch. And if you're single and your male great.

We are drinking the Pacific Ale mat and it gets his name from the Pacific Ocean or Byron Bay, which is on the Pacific Ocean, and they call it Byron Bay in a bottle with its passion fruit and also other tropical fruit.

It is definitely my favorite beer.

I had a few people around for Marley's birthday, Ash just a couple of individuals. It wasn't anything too big.

He got them individuals.

It was mostly mums that came with the kids. And I'm talking like three just in case your thanks wonder right you didn't get invitation, but Stone and Wood pacific Al made a strong appearance. I didn't have any wine in the fridge and I was like, can I interest you all in a Pacific Ale.

I'll put it in a wine glass.

It went down very well.

Beautiful cheers. The stone wood for making this possible. As always, we love you. How are you, my friend?

I'm doing I'm doing okay.

Yeah, last time I saw you, I'll say, scurrying off very quickly to get to the airport.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes yes.

Tell us what was the occasion, Matt?

I have been wanting to tell you the story.

Oh I thought I'm too hot. That's one layer of clothing gone.

And it begins. Oh how does that feel? Give that nug and a scratch?

I have nits?

Sorry about that. Okay, I've been wanting to tell you the story since it happened.

Yeah, you haven't enswed my calls.

We avoid telling each other any stories until we're in the podcast. But I had to go to Melbourne last week. I had a job down there. It was on a Thursday, and you know I have the kids on Thursdays, so it's hard to manage because Laura's also flat out. But I thought, do you know what I'll do. I'll bring the kids with me big mistake, down to Melbourne. It'll be fun, it'll be an adventure, we'll all have a great time and then we'll fly back the next day.

Set the scene.

I almost got bashed on a plane.

What you how you're superlite, You're too nice, especially to the public, especially to the public. It's me a little bit mean, but to the public you are extra nice.

How did this happen?

Matt? So we did?

Unless another man's wife fell in love with you? Yeah, yeah, definitly good looks charming man.

So the job was finished?

I bet it was. I was sorry. I bet it wasn't there there's one new thing, trademark. I bet it was.

And it was time to return back to Sydney to get to the airport. Flight was a little bit delayed and we're waiting to board the plane. Lola ended up falling asleep in my lap. And you know, tonightmare when the kids always fall asleep when you have to then like move going. Yeah, as she fell asleep. Twenty minutes later, they're like boarding for jet Star blah blah, oh blah blah. So now as we're getting you have to walk across the tarmac. She wakes up crying. She's having a terrible time.

Detriment for the story.

Yes, anyway, So everyone's boarded. Plane doors are shut and I'm still trying to settle Lola very aware that I'm trying to.

Make it's like trying to diffuse a bomb.

Yes, yes, I'm dealing with that. The guy in front of me turns around, peers over the seat, looks at me, and he goes, do you want me to break your fucking nose? No?

No, no, are you serious?

I am deadly serious right now.

He's just out of nowhere.

Yeah, okay, and I'm like what. I was like, is this a joke?

Is this?

I was like, what, I'm trying to comprehend what's going on? Because it came left field?

What sort of bloke was he like?

Was? Well, it turns out he wasn't quite right. I want to say. He was like mister Freeze two point.

Zero, so you reckon. It was like an isotic.

He was he was, he wasn't. I wasn't sure in that moment because I said excuse me, and he goes, do you want to break your fucking nose? And I was like, And luckily Marley didn't hear because she was on a iPad. Lola was screaming the house down, so she didn't realize. And I was like, oh, like in that moment, I just froze.

It's like, holy shit.

But then the lucky thing was so lucky that this happened. The air hosty happened to be right next to me walking down the aisle as he said that, and she clocked it, and she was like she had the second time. She goes excuse me, and he goes, I'm trying to put my fucking seat back and he's not letting me do it. And I wasn't even touching the seat. I was because I was sitting facing you know, Lola. I was like hunched over.

So it wasn't the it wasn't Lola crying. It was the sea for their combination.

That's what I thought. And I was she was like, excuse me, and he starts flipping out, saying that I'm stopping him from putting his seat back, and I was like, that's not quite right. And then she spoke to him for a little bit. He's clearly not right. He's he must be high as a kite. I was just like not because then she said, don't react to him. I'm going to sort this out. Because I was like, am I is this going to end up in a fight right now? Like? Am I going to have to if

Dude, especially in front of your kids.

Yeah. And then as the air hosty walks off, he he's going.

Shut up.

So I'm like, Okay, this guy is he's not all there. He's not all there. And also a few of the people start clocking it now, but I'm not sure what normally happens in that scenario. But she the air hosty like taps him the shoulder and she just says, don't worry, We'll get him off the plane. And so I'm like, okay, but the issue was and we're waiting, doors are shut in the plane. Five minutes go by, ten minutes go by, he's still really agitated.

And so someone sitting next to him, yeah.

There was. It was another jet Star employee. Luckily, so no one in the middle. There's a jet Star employee. He was not working, but she was in the window seat and she was a young girl as well. She was looking a bit worried concerned, and I was thinking my mind, like this is going to kick off, like this guy is only she's going to get him off

To drag that motherfucker off, I was like, get into my headline, bunch. He came right for hold his arms back.

For me, and then I was thinking, this is when it's gonna Yeah, you know those scenes you see like a video on social media and it's someone like literally in a head like getting dragged off the plane. I was like, this is about that.

It's going to happen.

And luckily he was like, but I'm still going to fly today, and they go, yea, you're still flying. You'd be on the next flight out here in fifteen minutes. And I was like, you're not, gotcha. He gets off the plane just.

Voluntarily gets yes. I wanted to see you on the news. Imagine if you were like and it's going to be on the news. Tonight and it's just like, you don't get carried off.

But they get him off the plane, and I still like, I wasn't sure if he was going to look at me and be like you're the reason why I'm getting kicked off, you know. And I've got Marley and Lola next to me. But also Mom came with us as well. Oh that's right before the police came on. Mum was like, can you smell something? Because he's I want to assume that this this guy hasn't showered for a long time

Going shut up, generation has no chill.

She's like what what? And that guy seems a bit strange, doesn't he because he's a talking in tongues by himself. And I was like, for god, sec now you shut the hell.

He like, the police can take her with you. I imagine your mumbling.

They go, oh the police are here.

Something stinks.

Anyway, he gets off the plane, and I was the relief that.

Yeah, I can imagine the sigh of relief I was.

I was in my mind. I was like, I'm going to get punched and elbowt in the face right now, and I'm going to do it in front of my kids.

Great for publicity for the podcast, You're like, I'm in doting dad, that's to's podcast.

Look, I'm all for a story as long as knowing I'm happy for the story to be this level of extreme. I don't want to get hit. I want to find anyone, But I do want to give a shout out to the jet Star flight attendants, the women on that plane.

They just killed it.

They killed it, they dealt with it. They are very professional.

Now often that happens, well, she.

Says quite a lot, apparently, really yeah. She was like, you'd be surprised. She's like the flight from between Melbourne and Sydney. She's like, that's where it happens. Really yeah, she said, two weeks ago, the plane was taking off and a guy just got out of his seat and started flipping out up and down the aisle.

At what point mid takeoff? You go, now is my time?

Excuse me?

Excuse me? He like, does that weird shuffle out from the window.

Just be one second.

Excuse me, excuse me. Well, I'm glad you made it back in one pete, and I can't imagine the week you've had not been able to tell me that, So I know I can imagine that you would have been like on that plane. Guard.

I can't wait to tells this story. I was in the air being buy wi fi tell him. But it goes to show one thing. You shouldn't put your seat back on a domestic flight.

No, you shouldn't anyway.

I don't think.

I don't think.

I don't do it. I don't go back unless there's no one behind me.

I'm fucking joking to it. Oh fucking hell.

No, I'm saying, be courteous. I thought you were serious. Look, I'm serious one of us around it.

It needs to be serious. It's a very good point. Yes, I never me myself personally. I never do it on a fly.

I know I'm going to be on Q and A this week and that's gonna be one of the questions. Do you ever recline your seatback? I never do anything. It's inconvenient for the people behind me, but I also think if I do it, the people behind me can also do it so that evens itself out all the way down to the back of the plane.

Thank you for clarifying. That's okay, thank you. I'm glad.

I'm glad you made it back in one piece. A couple of things happened to me while you're away.

A couple of you make me laugh. Thank you, you make me laugh. Thank you.

That's what I'm here for. And you can wheel me back out.

What do you got?

Two things happened to me while you're away. While you were making enemies, I was making friends.

That is not like you at all.

You know how we spoke about.

Oscar making a friend, which is Siri, which that's still ongoing.

But I also made a friend. I'm intrigued.

So every Thursday is same with me. I have Macy, yes Thursday, so we go swimming, try and tuck her out. Then we go to rhyme time?

Okay, which what is rhyme time again? It's a place where you go to rhyme now it's at the local library.

You go there at spitbars. I'm just a tired dad. I'm rad No, no, I'm also bad.

That's terrible.

Please stop, please stop right now. The download numbers just went. So it's a place you go library where they do. They sing songs to the kids, they read books like a group. It's free, brilliant initiative, I think, because it's half an hour.

For me to sit on my phone while they do that. And they're like singing.

And their kids are all usually a similar age, like two three.

This is just Macy, just Macy.

So I take Macey every week and she's slowly like she's involved for half. She there's the song she likes, the song she doesn't like, and she comes back and she sits with me, or she grabs a book and sits with me.

What are the song that she doesn't like?

She doesn't care for days of the week anymore.

Days of the week, days of the week. Yeah, and this Tuesday. You know, this is my story. Macey's a bit off it. She's just like I'm up.

She wants more of the songs that have the props, the ribbons.

The shakers, big parachute and they all go under underneath it, or like a song that goes and they all fall down and they.

All fall down, and then like walks are boring. Let's be honest, it's just someone reading and read it. So she gets her own book and comes over to me, and usually that's snack time. So I was like, okay, having snacks. And she pulled out a bag, a little bag.

Of the little cookies that she had, chocolate chip cookies, and I was like, daddy, you have one of those two.

I opened it, she grabbed one, walked away to go and do your ohyme time the cookies. The opening of the cookies has attracted a small young boy.

The sound well come out of nowhere. He's like, what do you go there?

What do you got? He come over and I was like.

That rustle, the aluminium kind of like plastic rustle. I can hear that from mild is.

To retain the freshness of the cookies.

That's what that is.

Anyway, you shouldn't. I have learned, not the hard way, but I've learned that you don't just give another kid cookie cause.

You got an allergy.

Might have analergy.

So I sort of that is very intelligent for anyway, So het April taught you that, Oh absolutely.

So he put his hand on my knee because we're sitting on the ground like like Buster would do when he wants something.

He's like, just to let you know that he's there.

I'm here. He's like tapping, I'm right here, thank you sir. And I was like trying to ignore him, awkward, like I don't know what. I don't know what, like what the difference between just moving your head like this is. But when you're trying to not let them know that you're not, you're trying to ignore them your whole buddy, putting your back to them.

Anyway, the mum comes over and she was like, it's so sorry, and she was like, he loves cookies. I was obviously, so I took that as if like he'll get one, and I was like, oh, you can have what. She's like, no, no, it's okay. He's got his own.

And I was like she took the homemade Were they bought cookies?

Yeah? Homemade? Who do you think I am?

Crocker favores. What have we got?

No wet? They just chok the chip cookies?

Yeah?

Classic. So he's he's gone off anyway, makes she's come back to get another cookie and guess who reappears?

And I went, there you go and the cookie and you haven't killed the child, have you.

He's like, don't ruin my story. No, No, he's given attle lot of approval, driffed off, and I thought, oh, that's it. Anyway, one is never enough, and other song's gone by, he's obviously finished the cookie, and he reappears, and like this time he came back with much more confidence.

He was like, fucking give us one.

And he's like walking across these kids, like knocking kids out of the way as I'm getting this cookie.

So it's rummaging through your pockets.

First of all, I was like, that's all right, got another cookie, took off, and I thought that's got to be it. That's surely that's got to be it.

And then he's come back again, and I'm like, where the fuck is this?

Mum gone. She's obviously just watching this all unfold.

Anyway, by the time we'd finished the thing of cookies, he's sitting next to me and we're.

Like doing her right time together.

Anyway, twenty minutes he's out there and we're doing all the wrong times. Macey's coming back and forth as well.

Do it or is she like? Because sometimes they're like my daddy.

She was sweet, she was sweet, We'll fine, and then I make she's come over for some water and he was like, what else, Like that's by the end of it, and it was like and then the rhyme time wraps up. The mums come out of nowhere. She's obviously watched the whole thing unfold. She's like, she's great, this guy's got him all good. She comes back home and she's like, thank you. See oh bye, like I worked there. She's taken off with my new friend.

You just saved yourself paying for lunch. Yeah.

So anyway, I've got a new friend now, so hopefully he's that rum time if he's listening.

There's no greater compliment, I think than a child just instantly being drawn towards you. Yeah. Yes, it's annoying, but you know you're a you have a warm presence.

I know I never make I don't make a lot of friends. I wonder why that is.

It's nice to see you smile as well.

Anyway, that was one thing that happened over the time that you're away.

So I've got a new friend now. I don't know his name.

I know, like, did you see a regular visitor to run time?

I'll find out when I go back this week. I didn't get to go.

He's probably going to start spreading the word as well as like you guys want some cookies.

Dealer?

Yeah? Them up?

The last question give I want to call that for you.

Both your kid and my kid are at the age that next year they're going to big school.

Yes, so we have enrolled daycare fees.

What's up public school? Anyway?

We we enrolled Oscar into a local school near me and it turns out to be the school that I went to as a child.

This is a question for April, but I'll ask you when do you have to enroll them by? I haven't enrolled Marley. Now you have to do it now.

You should have done it by now. Really.

Yeah, but if you're in the catchment, are they forced to take you? No?

Okay, no, because you're I would find that your catchment falls into a couple of different schools.

Ship.

So the thing is you remind me after we finished recording, because because if you if they're like, okay, we've got this amount of kids from the catchment, we'll start to take people out of area.

Fuck.

Yes, just be careful. Hopefully I'm helping you here. So we did.

We had an open day, so it was an over day where you go with your kid. I'm not going to name the school because they're for privacy reasons. Obviously it's but it was a school I went to as a kid, okay, And we drove in and immediately I was like.

This is fucking weird. Yeah so weird.

Has it changed much?

It's exactly the same, exactly so much so, like went down the track to the school to the school entrance, were lining up to do your check in, because I mean it is a school.

You got to check in and they do a quick police check make sure't it.

But like, you know, and all my friends that I'm still friends with, the guys I went to school with there like close, like we hang out every day, which is wow.

Wild. It was weird. It was kind of this weird nostalgic.

Moment where you're like, you know where, like you're walking past things that you're like, holy shit, I remember when this happened here, and do you do you know.

What I find the weirdest thing about going back to primary school is that everything's so tiny. Do you find that like when you were oh yeah yeah yeah, when you were they're like where you would put your bags or the bubblers. Everything is fucking miniature it's so small. Yeah, and you're like, I feel like a giant going back in there.

Nothing absolutely nothing has changed. Obviously technology and updating of current things. But like you walk through the office and I was like, holy shit. I was like, that's sick Bay, still sick Bay. That's the principal's office, Still the principal's offer.

Any teacher's still there. I get the back.

We're on this tour and I'm walking we walk out of the office, so this thing that overlooks the whole playground identical. Nothing has fucking changed whatsoever. And I'm in I'm spinning out. I'm like, it's the school that shaped me. And it's like.

You start to remember little bits and pieces of like memories, memories flooding. I was just like spin it out and I was like, holy shit, nothing has changed. And the vice principal was right behind me and she was like, did you used to go here? I said, I went to this school twenty two years ago.

Shit, we're old.

I know that's when I left. I was like, I had been there for five years prior to when I had left. And she was like, oh, is it what you know? Is it the same?

I'm like it's grabbing.

I'm like, woman, nothing PTSD is killing me.

Thankfully I had. Thankfully, I have nothing.

But very good memories from primary school. It wasn't a traumatic time for me. It was the only school that I went to for the whole time. Actually, no, it's the longest school that I spent time at. After that, the memory is hazy.

But she was like, oh, that's great. So it's all the same.

I'm like, everything is the same, like the red brick, nothing has changed whatsoever. There's plaques and stuff on the ground with people's names on it from when I was at school, and teachers.

And so it's all the same.

She was like, oh, do you remember any teachers. I was like, yeah, I had this one teacher and I told her the teacher's name.

She goes, yep, she's still here.

I was like, fuck off, surely that'll be dead by now.

A couple of them are dead. One of them done in a boating accident. That was rumor.

That's not going to do, but you start. It was funny, like walking through watching Oscar, you know. We went to a couple of the classrooms and I was like, I remember.

This teachers that they're holding hands with the kids and you're just there rocking in the corner of a classroom, inside a classroom rade threes, being like time goes so quickly, I enjoy every second.

There was a combination of that and April like crying because just like realizing that their kids. And I was just like where these weird couple were.

I'm just like.

Rocking in the corner. And I was like, it's growing up so fast?

The other parents are they crying?

Normal? Anyway, We're doing the tour, and it was like I kept having these flashbacks of moments. And we went to the hall. They have a big hall.

The hall is exactly the same, and they were doing like a dance class, like the year six was doing a dance class, and I just had this memory come flooding back. So when I was like, it must have been year four or year five or something like that, and so that how it would it be, say ten and me and all the friends that I still am friends with. Now, this teacher started an all boys dance class.

And she was like recruiting all these boys.

Comes a suspect.

But like she was just like wanting to be wanting to get more inclusive of just the girls doing the dance.

She's now in prison.

We'll get there.

It turns out she was grooming us all. She grooms all that.

It's actually quite a sad story, this one. So sorry.

It was.

It was as she was when who died in the boating accident.

No, it's a funny, sad memory. Funny for me, sad for her. So she's gone.

She's spent all this time recruiting all these boys to do it, and we were like.

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay, yeah, this would be SIGNI like hip hop dancing. Oh god, sad.

Anyway, so she's recruited this all and then we did a couple of classes and all of the boys.

Realized that this is they're good. This is not good. We don't like this, so we all quit it once.

Anyway, the teacher cried, I know, I know, but straight away I went to the group chat today or like that on the day of being like, hey, I'm currently at school having all these nostalgic memories, and I remember that this came up.

Kids are savage. That's a savage thing to do.

But she's got she's got to understand.

She befull cried, dude, we all got in trouble. We all got in trouble, not in trouble, but we all.

Got like a hey, guys, look you've really disappointed this teacher.

And we were like, always want to run around the oval and tackle each tease each other. I don't want to learn how to do a six step.

Yeah, exactly right.

That's another thing that like you start remembering all the embarrassing things that you did and you're like, oh god, why am I so sad. So in that young age, say year five, year six, you start to develop, you know, You're like, oh, she's hot, you know, little girl like you know, you start to.

Have attracted to the I used to have a ruler that had do you still with a girl called Mallory and I the ruler, and she would read it and be like yeah, and then she'd have written on a rubber and he'd be like do you still and you'd be like, yeah, we still liked each other.

Yeah, yeah, So you start to like girls and stuff like that. So there was a girl that I really like, really liked at the time. My mates were like, yeah, de to do it, to do it anyway? I went at one lunchtime. It was like getting to the point like, yeah, de to do it, to do it. She was like, yeah, I'm keen. Yeah, I'm keen. She was keen for the kids, which is great. You know, I'm developing as a young man and were young boy young man in primary school.

That's what.

Eleven or twelve okay was twelve, I feel reasons twelve.

She was eight.

No, in the same grade, in the same class.

We liked each other anyway, so I went in.

It was consensual, say it was consensual. It was it was like her friends a jeta that my friends, and it was going to happen. Everyone's gathered an audience, adience, everyone's gathered. So I've gone in for it, and one of my dickhead maids has pushed me.

As I've done it, I full raspberry do fade like.

On a cheek.

Everyone's gone from then on out.

I was ridiculed for being the puffer fish, and I was like.

Who is your mate?

His name was Michael Down. He's probably listening.

I have seen my mate since I did this school tour, and we talked about that story and it was.

Like, oh, kids are savvy. Jay. There's a lot of other stuff that was gone through this group chat now that we're like.

Remember the is remember that?

Remember that?

Anyway, I would say that doing the school toour with Oscar has traumatized me, but also felt like I missed those days as a kid, like you miss those.

No I know, hear me out.

Okay.

I found myself very in a very I don't know if we finished the day, went home, and I felt like fuck, like where's top one, Where's time? But I also felt like really thankful and really grateful for going to a school like that, because, like I said, I still hang out with all of those guys like daily, like speaking to him this morning. Michael still around? Who Michael Dawn? Who's the guy Michael down? Actually here's a story too. He moves away, but I moved. I moved

What the fuck was that? Sorry?

Sorry? I just ran into him, like thirty years later in an elevator. What are the chances?

What? What?

I'm not the laughing song of this podcast. Okay, I'm deeply hurt.

No, just that was sorry, that's a dreadful story. But okay, please, what the.

Coincidence of running into someone thirty years later in an elevator after we both moved away, And.

No, I get that. I get it, I get it, I get it. It was just like it was just at like no context, no context. It was like, ASH was like, no.

You got the wrong guy. Actually I got another buddy.

No, no, anyway, don't enroll your kids or your kid's going to be going to some school that fucking and you're gonna have to.

Relax. Turn on me.

I've turned on you. I can't finish the story. I'm losing concentration.

I agree, I agree, that was It's You're very lucky. I'm gone home. I'm done with it.

You finished this podcast on your own, all right. You're bullying me now. Anyway, that was open day. I'm now studying to be a teacher, to go back. Goodness me, I'm glad that I can bring you so much joy.

May you laugh? That's why I like it, That's why, that's why.

Is that the only reason I'm here.

I've got a quick story.

We don't have time. We would have but I took up all the time. I've actually got one.

More so, when was the last time you went to the movies with the kids? I've taken them. You have no sorry, I forgot your absent father. Apologies.

Oh wow, you could talk at least to put my kids in the face of danger on aeroplanes like joan me to break my jant me to break you. Notice like you could break either of these girls.

May get me, Adam.

Let me use you as a human shield. Oh no, I've never taken them, April. April has taken I think Oscar. Early days, it was like a mother like kids. Yeah, yeah, like in the mother's group sort of thing.

Yeah, they have at cinemas, they would have set times where everyone brings their kids and the kids can fucking run around.

Your baby in the room, watch the movie, enjoy something. It's the soundproof room.

It's great, it's okay, it's it's beautiful. But that's my I mean of the movie once or twice. Both times have been the designated parent child toddler times. And it's during the week as well, like on a Wednesday.

They're not running on a weekend.

Well, that's what I'm a fucking idiot. I'm an idiot.

He went on a weekend in a non Yeah, okay, I'm with you.

Yeah, because Laura's got for those of is this going to be.

A good story or is it going to be a shit story.

I don't tell the stories for you. I tell them for the listeners.

I tell mine for you.

Needn't rethink that, pal, I.

Really need to think about my whole back catalog now.

So Laura's gone, she left, she left you again, She's left me again. She's over in India having a great time. Nana's gone as well, She's in Bali. So I've got both girls.

Nana's on another.

Another contigue to like spending all of my inheritance as well, and the girls piercing down with rain on Sunday, and I was like, fuck, what do I I just need something to do to get him out of the house, like a few hours. And I thought inside out too, great film, great film, the girls are love they really got.

Into the first time. Was great.

Yeah with you agree? So I thought Sunday afternoon, two o'clock sitting perfect. As I got there, I was like, holy shit, there are a lot of people who also went to the movies and a lot of teenagers. I forget how horrid teenagers are when they're like amongst each other in groups groups of teenagers, like that's a fun They're so rude.

If you're in a group of teenagers and you think you're cool.

You're not not loser.

Wake up.

Yeah you look awkward too. Whatever you're wearing, it's awkward.

Thank you. I needed that, get a mash.

I was talking about you, not then, but no, I'm talking about that.

So I wanted to get there not too early, because we all know the trailers and the adverts. Kids don't care for that. They just want to get stranged the action. So I thought I'll time it so we kind of get in there. The movie started, but I timed it a bit too late, so it was really dark, and I couldn't fucking figure out. I don't go the movies hardly, ever, I couldn't figure out.

I was like, c D fine, yeah, because it meant that they never used to be seat allocations. Yeah, but do you know why they do that now?

Why?

I don't know. I was just gonna make something up, but I was.

Fucking ready for it. But I was trying to find my seat and I was also looking at all the seats were taken, so I was like, I must be in the wrong spot. So I go to the other side of the cinemat Marley and Lawla are like fuck, Dad, like grab a seat and go back to the other side. And these girls, these teenagers, I'm like, you're in my seat and they're like, no one, And I said, you're like, here's.

My joying to break your nose, and the cycle. The cycle continues.

So they get out watching the movie. May she like the last time she went to the movies was the kid Things, so she kind of looks at me and says, Dad, can I run around and dance at the front? And I was like, no, you can't. Lola was like, Dad, I'm hungry, and I'm like, God, i's gotta keep it down. The cinema was full of adults and nightmare teenagers, and I just had this wild anxiety of the fact that

So I was like it's a kid's movie Loser.

But also Inside Out too is about the girl going through puberty.

Molly and Lola were like, what the what's pumany? It's like that's a period, like what's menopause? They should do Inside Out three about going through menopause.

There he is ideas man Ashwick's he's good, write that down. So I also. Laula was sitting in my lap and then these other teenagers came and said, oh, can we sit here? And I was like, well, no, that's my seat, but my daughter's on my lap. Hold this, and I was like, I got fucking take this anymore. Marley and Lala are also like, Dad, that's joy and that's this like they're just talking volume. And I was like, I need to get the fuck out of here. This is

What's the rest of his home when it comes out?

Right? So I got out of there and then as soon as we got out, Marley Laula are like, well, when I watch the movie again, and I was like, oh god.

Donnis, I was like, moving mistake, Oh dude, a big mistake, terrible, And it was like twenty bucks a ticket.

It was an expensive mistake.

Expensive.

Yeah, it is an expensive thing to do when your kids aren't really going to enjoy it.

Maybe it's just me, but I was like, it's really fucking loud.

It's so loud. Well, what you should we should do? What they should do, not.

Me because I don't own a movie theater yet.

What they should do is they should put them all the kids in the room and put a really scary movie.

Honestly, what happens.

I was I was locked into your idea.

Sorry, sorry, Sometimes I got to have bad ones. If I had all good ones, then there'd be no standard.

If you don't love it my worst, yes, don't deserve it, my bad.

Yeah they were all good, there'd be no standouts, and then nothing would get done.

But this is actually a very exciting announcement. Yes that we are we're going to give parents.

First of all, you're going to announce something else. You just turn all these parents off guard to the movies.

Well, don't go to the movies. With the regular folks.

Oh yeah, they're regular. Fok with the normies.

We got us. Parents have to stick together, yes, get together. Agree with you, powering numbers. We're going to do a movie just for parents and their kids, toddlers, whatever age they are, will take them all.

Don't bring your adult children. Don't bring your packs of teenagers.

If they're over the age of ten. We don't want to get the fuck out of us in nothing but trouble. We're going to do a movie.

We are on were doing the day.

It's going to be the thirteenth of July.

July. Fuck that soon.

It's very soon, very soon. If you would like to come, we've got forty spots available, so it's like forty spots total. You can come along children. If you have children, yeah, bring them along.

How we are we going to do We're going to do a link.

We're going to a link in our bio.

You'll see it on story also the show notes.

So we'll just make it first and best dressed. So if you're in Sydney on the thirteenth of July and you want to see a movie with myself and our kids and let the kids run wild.

Well, April will be gonna ask you.

Will Lawder be there? Yeah she will, Okay, April will be there too. Will Ellie be there? Yeah, I'm sure she'll be on another fucking overseas trip. She might be there.

But we're also going to have other activities too, before and after career have to come along see what those are.

And it's thanks to Paramount Plus. We don't know what movie it'll be. We're gonna we'll do a post on two d d on two doating dads where people can vote for what movie they want from Paramount Plus.

Yeah, and it'll be a private cinema. Okay, to be a little private party with us, lovely love that. No teenagers.

If you bring a pack of teenagers when you get security, we will get security.

I'll get chicken winged out of there. I'd love to chicken wing fucking pack has teenagers out the door? Should we do you? Petty couple?

Sure absolutely, petty couple, welcome down the street, petty couple.

They can I like with me, couple. I love you, but I'm in.

No one can push me quite like you.

Matt.

I'm gonna go first, if that's okay with you, Kate says she says. She has said she has written in and told us one of my pet peeves is my husband leaves his clothes and shoes all over the house guilty, especially in doorways and high traffic areas. Using the word high traffic in the household top tier. My passive, aggressive, petty response. I take photos of his scattered belongings every time I come across them and send them.

To him throughout the day.

That's pretty petty. My camerall looks like a bizarre fashion catalog.

It's so fucking petty, but it's brilliant.

I'm going to give Kate a little bit of advice on how to elevate this pettiness go on. She needs to create an Instagram page. Okay, and we've said Instagram page. Use that to publicly humiliate her husband.

Or even better, send it to us and we'll publicly accept Fuck, did Laura come in the front door? I take six steps. That little nook behind you is where I normally dump my shoes in a high traffic area.

As Laura, we have tiny feet, but Laura's like.

They've got twelve pairs of shoes, like three know, Yeah, I've got my walking shoes, my casual shoes, my running shoes. Yeah, anyway, if you're a culprit, or if you're married to one who was a culporate of such activities, send us the photos.

Yeah, we should start in this group page called floor Drobes TM trademark. I know this is not live and we can just take that out, but still trademark. Trademark anyway, Kate, thank me later, brilliant.

This one is from Kareem Kareem Korean Karne's just from some random Korean Karini.

How does it spell?

Kareem? C A R I N E. Is your love story? Let's go.

I'm just trying to get you back. I feel like we're even now we are. Well, we're not, but I'll say we are.

Remind me next week I'm going to be just in silence the whole Remind me. Never to start a fight with you ever.

Never start a fight with me or a drunkard in there.

Let's hope you don't start smoking crack again.

That was me.

My husband and I a coffee addicts. So every morning we make ourselves a cup of coffee. Beautiful. However, hubby wakes up earlier than me to go to work, and more often than not. He leaves a coffee machine full of pods and he doesn't feel the water compartment back up, which annoys the shit out of me. So out of pettiness, this is very very petty. It's like Karina, I don't want to attack you here, attack away. This is this is do we need to call the police? Out of pettiness.

It's great, difficult for the very good, very good. I like it getting back just like the way, just like this is the thing. He's probably going getting up in the morning and going.

Did she not have coffee?

Yes, she must have drunk twelve coffees yesterday? What the fuck?

No one is she's still awake?

Very good?

Like love it.

A couple of questions, Ash, before.

You do that, if you do have any other petty things that you do to your partner or your partner does to you, or whatever it might be.

You can d m us at two doing dad's Instagram.

Or you can email us at hello hello at dot com.

They know dot com.

People are like, what is the fucking email? We don't even know. Just yeah, we'll find out somewhere. You'll find us. Someone did right on Instagram and I'm like, you guys, you guys need to grow up your adults. And I was like, you shut up, what do you mean grow up?

Yes, this is a parenting podcast, none of two children. But don't get it. What do they mean by.

Those that they thought the pettiness was such childlike behalf?

Oh god, have a laugh.

It was April. Yeah, we love April. Take it out, do we? Hello? Okay, that's the whole point. That's the whole one.

That's the whole point.

That's the whole that's a that's a stick ash. Before we get into the questions, there is a listener that has written in posts recommendation from us after our listener.

We don't recommend anything, so that's their mistake.

Oh god, what's she going to say? Duena, she's talking about the biting segment that we had. Oh yeah, she says, hey, guys, you kind of funked me over. Oh god, a little bit. I finally, I finally bit the bullet is a review pardon the pun and gave my two year old a chump after he was biting me. Oh okay, okay. It initially worked, but twenty minutes later he is having a full blown meltdown because he wants me to bite him again. He's shoving his arm in my mouth, screaming bite.

So the new kink unlocks just like that. Well, you've set him up for failure now, Oh god?

Moving on? So can we block her from the podcast? Is she going to come for us?

Nah? The kid make.

All right?

Back to questions that hopefully don't bite us in the butt. This is from Jenny. Have you ever lost a child before?

Many times.

My first three children I've lost. I've never found them.

We've lost We've lost all kids. Marley is probably the one we've lost the most.

Your kids out runners though.

Mary's a runner. Yeah, she's a runner. Yeah. We thought about it, We thought about it. We've lost her a few times. Once. It was quite it's quite scary at the beach, you know, when you just you're digging a hole.

And you live at Bondai, so you're like, oh, we're going.

To be on TV. Literally, I was digging a hole and I was just one of those cases where I had Lola. I thought Laura had Marley. She that I had Marley, and then there was a couple of minutes where we couldn't find it and we're like fuck. Luckily, shout out to the lifeguards. They had he and the film grew. She was he was up in the promenade. She's just gone for gone for an ice cream.

Oh my god.

Yeah. But when we've been shopping as well, there's been times where once once at Rebel Sport, I was like, where the hell is my door? She locked herself in the change room. You've spoken about losing Macy inside the house, which is a great effort. Yeah, it's in public, not to not to judge you, but I would say you're someone who I would expect to lose the kids.

Back and an insult ship. I never lost a child, so look at yourself for their champ and nothing springs to mind that.

I maybe there's been like the way you go, I reckon that, do.

You know where Macy is? And aprils like no, and you're like, oh shoo, but then she's like right there.

I reckon this so many times you've lost the kids for like a day or two, and you're.

Like, oh, nothing, used to admit to anything. Nothing springs to mind because I've got evidence.

This is a long question. This is a long one.

Ready for it? Okay?

Is it going to be as long as my long Winter story? As long as it's from anonymous, you can't laugh at yourself. I've been I've been with my partner for almost a year, and I've noticed some differences in our parenting styles. He has a four year old daughter, and while he's raised her well, I've observed some things that bother me. I'm hesitant to bring them up because I'm not her mother, but I'm concerned about the inconsistency and discipline and his approach to her diet and exercise.

I mean, obviously, let's just think let's think of that as like maybe she's just worried that she's not getting out enough and burning energy, and.

She might be living in the iPad, living on the iPad. Let's just go with like not like a Monday's chest day, bra he steps in, like where's your gains? And then probably the fort and that's all we have time for.

No, I would say, like, Okay, there's a couple of things here that let's go with. Maybe the diets maybe not that great, but how long they've been together a year?

A year, so let's say it's getting serious.

It could be getting serious. She lives the issue of primary care alongside. Does she have kids of her own? What makes her think that it's incorrect? How does she know I incorrect?

She's she's probably saying it's hard when you want to you want to have consistency with discipline, Like the rules need to be the same. It doesn't matter what the other the weekend.

If he's if he's only got her for two days a fortnight or a week or whatever. I don't know what the situation is. You kind of want to just kill them with kind and they love.

But that's the fucking wrong thing to do.

I absolutely could be the wrong thing to do. I don't think it's her place to butt in. If it was like, hey, I am considered to be a primary care alongside you.

We need to be on the same page.

Yeah, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. Because she could approach it from the perspective that she goes, Hey, I just want to make sure that we're on the same page with the rules of the house while she's here, because I don't want to say that she can't do something when she actually can, So she's going to put it on herself instead of saying, you're disciplining your kid in the rocknel correctly?

What rong?

Like hey, whatever, Whether it's like she kind of ipaid after a certain time, she could say, just want to make sure, like, what are the rules that we're going to try and stick by together as a team for when the daughter's here.

Yeah, that's fair enough, that's fair.

I don't think you need to be like, hey, you're doing it wrong, because one, who are you to tell someone a parent that they're doing their parenting wrong, especially if you're on a parent yourself.

How the fuck would you know? But I think it's fair enough to say.

Hey, when when when you're looking after and I'm here full time with you and i'm technically a care as well, we need to tackle it together.

We need to be on the same page.

Yes, there can be some leniency with things because you only have a for x amount of time, but then also if we're going to be together long term and us have kids together, we need to be on the same page as that stuff as well.

There is nothing more important than a united front.

There's a difference between saying something and having a conversation about something.

That's my answer.

Whenever Marley asks for something, I'm always like, yes, no, I just got to ask you mother, Yeah, ask you Mary.

But like it is just look, I'm not going to I'm not going to take I actually I can't take a side because I don't know the full story.

But what I would say is, don't talk to it. No, don't talk to me about it, have a conversation about it.

Am I a genius? Yes?

What's the difference between talking to them and having.

Well, you can talk to someone, or you could be like, hey, can we just talk about and have a conversation about you know, maybe if we're going to be having kids in the future, we're going to be long time. Don't just be like, I think your parenting's wrong. That's the difference.

We don't let the kids have soft drink. It's too spicy, too spicy. But Molly was like, can I have some. We've got a family pack from the seafood Shop which came with a one point two five bottle of cod.

You're like, drink the whole thing.

And I was like, I'll give you some when mom's not looking. And then she was like, ah, it's burning my tart.

I just like, where's the bourbon?

And I was like, I was like, don't tell your mother. And then Laura came in and she was like, the drink hurt me.

And I was like, my kids don't drink much more than water, honestly, like just on that they've tried a bit of like coke coca cola, because coke be confusing.

She was just like, it's no good.

That's cut with something.

It's that creating. Yeah, and they'll be like, oh, that's spicy. Which is great.

And then also like with juice and stuff, I'll be like, you can have a juice if you fishally dinner, that won't be like yeah, diet the fuck out like this apple juice tastes like shit.

They all taste like that.

Sorry, pow As. We're going to get out of here. I need to enroll my child into primary school. If you enjoyed this episode, we would absolutely adore it. If you would give us a review, they also subscribe to us. To me, have you have you reviewed us? I bet you haven't.

I gave us those stars.

Have you said anything?

I feel threatened on this podcast. It's off putting and you need to grow up.

But if you would give us a review, it would make make our weeks slash years. And if you think anyone else out there may benefit from us in some way, then please send it to them. Also, if you like to get your hands in a free case of stone and would be all you have to do is all you have to do is post a story of you listening to two doting dads tag us tag stone and would follow birth accounts and we pick someone each week have that case center their door. Absolutely goodbye, get out

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Island the peoples today.

This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land