Matt Before we get into the episode today, I just want to wish all the mothers out there a happy Mother's Day for Sunday. Just gone. Absolutely. My mum's in town at the moment, just sort of stuck in town. It's a long story. And also April's mum. I don't know if you knew that. I had my suspicions, So happy Mother's Day. You're doing a fantastic job to all the mums out there.
I also want to say to all the moms out there, thank you. I hope you had a fantastic Mother's Day, in particular my beautiful wife Laura, my mother. Raising a family is incredibly hard, but the two of you do an amazing job. I love you so thank you.
We do.
Thank you for your service. Welcome back to two doting dads.
I am Mattie Jay and I'm at.
This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, the bad, and the related. If you have come wanting any type of advice, this is the wrong podcast for you.
Yes, hey, before we do get into it, I was away on the weekend. I went to a wedding and at the wedding they had a beer package which was subpar for me. I will say, if they're listening, I'm sorry they didn't have stone wood. Okay, they had stonewood there. I had to pay for it. Oh, that wasn't included. That's cheeky, that's cheeky. I get it, like people went with different packages because different tastes. It's not catered for me.
But also it's very sneaky. It's like saying, would you like a glass of water? We have gut of water for free. So we have ice sparkling, which is gonna question money, And.
It was ten bucks a beer because it was an establishment. So I spent one hundred and fifty dollars on beers that day at a wedding, and I gave him a wedding gift.
Why don't you bring your own just up rock up with a carton of stone woods.
Yes, but that leads me into what we're drinking today, which is specific gale and it is stone and wood of course ah barn being a bottle. It is bar and bay cheers. So just like it tasted on the weekend.
Question for you, We've given a few different scenarios of where the beer tastes better. We have barbecue at home, we have the football. Where does the wedding rank in improving that to what?
After a subpar crispy laga that they had going on there, and it was worth every cent it was up there because everyone was walking around with their crap bins. But I just have to pay for it.
But then that money then gets that you spent gets reinvested in the podcast. So it's just the cycle of life keeps.
Going of life. So we would like to thank Stonewood for making this episode possible.
Cheers, Cheers to you, Cheers to us, Cheers to them, Cheers to all of us. Ash before I forget, we have something very exciting that we've come up with. If you would like to get your hands in a free case of stone, would beer? All you have to do is put a story up on so media of you listening to the pod tag us Tagstone and Wood, and we'll pick one person per week to have a case of b sent directly to the home. But we'll put those details in the show notes. How are you man, I'm good.
We did go away, like I said, we did go on holidays. Well okay, let me stop.
We am seeing that wedding. No, I was just relaxing.
I was just an enjoyer of weddings. It was a lovely wedding. I shouldn't I shouldn't shit on them. It was a lovely wedding, great view, great outlook. But it was a wedding in which we didn't take the children. So of course we got to travel without the kids together. April and I have for the weekend just solo. It's beautiful.
It takes a little while to acclimatize that new environment. It's like you've forgotten your keys or something like something's missing. That's right, my screaming children.
Yeah it was. It was peaceful. But with you know, a mummy and daddy weekend, mummy and daddy things tend to happen, go on. So we did travel with another couple. They didn't have their kids. Obviously. It was great, nice and free flowing chat about all sorts of things. As adult weekends happen. Adult things can sometimes happen. Where are you going? So we were traveling carry on because we
just went for two nights. We sort of got We got halfway through the security line and I leer over to what April was doing on the phone, and she was googling something quite suspicious. Matthew, what do you think she was googling?
Maybe like liquids, like how much you can Yeah, you know, because everyone's always a bit confused about domestic versus international. I think you like, I still don't know was.
It was it?
Did you like a bottle of water, like a therapy water?
What a women like to bring them all? No?
No, they like it's a comfort, Give me one second. An emotional support water bottle?
Oh, yes, water bottle.
No, it's an emotional support water bottle. What's the difference? It provides emotional support. How the bigger the water bottle, the more support for us you get.
We should make drink bottles that have a little pep talking and see press the button. It's like you can do.
It and make it massive, bigger than the standing.
Yeah. So she had to check that in. Yeah, that wasn't in a garret, and she check that in. Anyway, she got a bit freaked out midway through the line because the person that security was going laptops out of the bag, you know how they do that sort of stuff, And she was googling if she can take sex toys through carry on? What kind of sex toys.
Is she bringing ones that have like serrated edges and a lighter?
She was worried that she was going to get it like a laptop, get it out of her bag, put it onto the xtra. How many did she have with her? No, she just had the one. She just had the one, Thank you, Amy Gerard. She just had the one. But it was really funny because I was like, what are you doing? And she's googling can I take sex toys? On? Carry on? And what was Google telling her? We didn't get that? Viger put a stop to that immediately.
Never tries to google, first and foremost.
First of all, I was guaranteed I was getting some on the weekend. So that's a did you know? Did you know what was in the bag? Did you know? So you were like and then she was like, oh, hang on a minute, can you carry my bag for me? Ah? It was my bag And obviously you don't have to get it out like it's a laptop because the laptop that it's like, I don't know what the deal is with that? Is it the lithium? I was like, I don't know, must be like a petrol powered sex toys?
Like make sure you get that out of she's got a pull start to stroke to stroke is correct. She was like, come on, just stack my bag for me. I was like, pretend it's your bag.
But also, do you think that the way that you were acting, like if April was getting a little bit flustered and she's like you carry it and you're like, I'm not carrying it, you carry it, do you reckon? Security would have been looking at the two of you going this is a red flag.
I said, let's just let's just get it out, and she's like, don't, don't you dare.
You guys are like showing all the signs for suspicious people who are potentially.
Carrying something that cavity search. You didn't get it, No, you didn't get it out. She was very she said, I'll be so embarrassed if you get it. I said, but it's my bag. Apparently, so I had to take the bag through and that way, if it was like Sarah, is this your bag? I would have had to be like, yes, that is my bag.
Do you think the guy sitting there in the chair looking at the screen as things are being X ray do you reckon? He could have seen that thing and he.
Would have seen that next to a bottle of a loom and something's not right. My man, I wonder why the back took forever to come through. But I can imagine that they would have to deal with that scenario a lot, right, be like people just go on to Carrol On especially it's like two people, you know, like a couple going away. They would see some serious shit. Yeah. So if you operate one of those machines, what have you seen? What have you seen?
Look, if you've seen one of those fists, there's big, black, giant side of judgment. It's like it's like up to your elbow.
Yeah, I'm not getting any because of it. In a second a second, No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Here's tricky. It is tricky when you're away from the kids and you're at something like a wedding, because on the one hand, you're like, oh, man, i'm child free, I can let LuSE, I can have fun, I can party. But then at the same time, these days, I dare say, once it gets past eleven o'clock and I've had a bit to drink, yeah, the chances of having a little snuggle.
Yeah, Aka, there's a scale. Yeah, So April always says she wants to be at peak performance. She's an athlete. Happening, it's not happening after you've had a couple of drinks.
She takes pride in her work, and I like that about her.
Yeah, yeah, so it's like a next day thing. But also we were sharing an airbnb with another couple, so it's like she's also trying to be discreet. I don't know how that would have happened.
And you are quite loud.
I'm allowed, man, Yeah, yeah, I love that. You're like, wait a second, no, I'm not anyway, it was lovely weekend, So that's how I am. Can I ask? Yes?
Can I ask? If I may?
And I do? What is this?
It's fluff on the table, could be my cat's fur. Can I ask? And I don't want to pry too much into your private life. I know April doesn't really appreciate it too much talking about these types of topics.
She's so sick of being embarrassed. But yes, I'll.
Put this one on you. Then do you do you do much? How do you say? Dirty talk in the bedroom?
Nothing? What am I going to say? Oh? Those dishes really need a good clean And I mean no, come back.
No, no, no, you don't give like a little bit of some something you know, like you ever give.
Like is this a sex podcast?
Because I'm also I'm not one to be very vocal in the bedroom. Every now and then I sometimes give like a oh, like that's great, that's good.
Awkward, but no, do you know what makes it even more awkward? What's that?
Or Like recently, recently, Laura and I we were intimate if you will, if you will, and and I was like, I was like, I'm going to throw some some get some words out, I'm going to say some things. I'm going to like, you know, I just I feel like Laura really likes it.
She loves it.
She loves it when I'm vocal. But there's nothing more awkward than someone like myself who was not very vocal, who was trying to be vocal, and you know, when you're thinking about the words you're about to say, and the more you think about it, she's you got to just get it out. And I'm thinking, is that gonna sound weird to say it? To say to say it, and I said it, but I said it to quietly. And then Laura said, huh, well that's sexy and you're like, do you like that?
What do you say? I'm like, you said, do you like that? Oh my god, my skin's crawling. That's so awkward. No, do you like that? No? Oh yeah, I'm not into that. That is so especially when she's especially just like, what did you say? I like that? What do you meant to say? Nothing? What do people?
It's hard?
I just think it's hard. I'm sorry, Laura. There's people that like do it, and there's people who don't.
I feel like ninety nine percent of guys don't say anything.
No, they would, there'd be women listening right now, going I haven't had a man ever say anything. It's the best. It's the only time. It's probably the only time. I don't say.
If there's any female people's happy for the quiet time. If there's any female listeners, just a couple of and like our dms are going to be say, full of filth. What's what's a line that you wouldn't mind hearing during sex? Help a guy out, help a man out, help two men out? Wow, who are struggling? Actually speaking about the topic of.
Sleep, sexual sleep? Or is this actual sleep? This is actual sleep? So actual sleep. I love sleep. Actual sleep.
Laura very busy during the week, very busy, has a schedule that is absolutely jam packed in Ashton Wicks and she's up quite early in the mornings during the week as well. She's definitely not getting her eight hours so come the weekend and she does like a lion does like a lion, and I'm more, lion, that's terrible.
That's a terrible was one of your worst? Sorry, we'll leave it in there. Lie in got it?
And I sometimes say you know that, like that must have been a nice lion, And she's like, no, I didn't get a good night's sleep last night because I was up so much with the girls.
First of all, please, that could come across two different ways. Go on. You don't want to stir the pot by saying, oh, that must have been a nice lie who she thinks you've been cheeky? That was a jab a jab, like, no, it must be nice to lie in.
No, it's that's not it's very aggressive. I don't poke like that. It's more of a like I did good to give you that, lion. So now it's your to think, well, hang on, so that you're just well, I give it, hang on. Let we're getting off track here. Okay, so we're getting off track here and I'm being attacked, which I also don't appreciate. Okay, this is a safe place. You should know that as you were. I never judge
you bullshit. But she was like, I just I still feel tired even though I've been in bed for you know, eight.
Funny must have overslept.
But she said, I'm up all night, all throughout the night. And I was like, let me just check my stats. Because I wear my garm into bed. I like to have a little glance from now and then how my sleep is going. I was up last night for four minutes totally.
That's pretty good.
My garment gives me that reading and four minutes. Yeah, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. And Laura was like, She's like that's like that's that must be bloody nice to only be like that normal. I don't know for people. So Laura couldn't believe it. Laura was like, I'm up at least seven eight times throughout the night. And I was like, no, you're not like that. That's an exaggeration. I know, I know. So I said, I said, look
where the garment. Where the garment. Let's track your sleep, and recently, on Laura's podcast Life un Cut, she has said this.
Saturday afternoon, we went to a friend's house, had quite a few margaritas in the afternoon, and I was feeling a little bit spicy and dicey. Anyway, went to bed Matt that night. He was like, Okay, where my gum and see how your sleep is. Not only do I know that I woke up so much during the night, because but when I'm a bit hungover, I can't sleep, so I'm awake, like laying at the ceiling awake. Not only that, did I get it? I got up three times for Lola. Lola came into the bed, I went
up and I got a bottle of water. Anyway, I woke up in the morning and I was like, I'm so glad. I am so glad I wore the garment last night. Because he's going to see just how bad my sleep was. Eight hours and twenty five minutes awake for two minutes.
She's essentially blamed.
She's blaming the technology. I mean, someone is reputable as garment. I don't know how long they've been in operation. I want to say, look, I've got to gripe with him.
At the morment.
I know you do, but also you and Laura both She's just you're cut from the same cloth.
She's you can't okay it's been attached to your wrist or not. And you're saying that it's giving Matt one reading and you're completely different reading, and you're not willing to accept that.
I will say, I will say deep sleep two hours eighteen light sleep six hours, twenty one minutes. Rem not enough here thirty three minutes. Guess how long she was awake for?
How long?
Two minutes? Two minutes?
How dare she? You'll have a dig at you? I can, I can see her face right now. Just be like, no, that's not true. I was up hoops of times.
She rips the garment off, smashes it on the ground.
That's unbelievable. The garment doesn't lie. Bro, You're awake six minutes in the middle of the night like that. I checked mine. I'm awake forty eight minutes. What are you doing for forty eight minutes? I'm usually getting smacked in the face by Oscar. He cannot sleep in his bed to save his life. Wow, Like he is in He does this thing where he gets in and just puts his hands around my throat. Is he trying to kill me?
Macy's still in the cot right. Oscar's in a little, a little.
Bed, he's in like a single bed.
Does he ever say, Daddy, come in line in bed with me?
No, he's he can't because he's in my He thinks my bed's his bed, so.
He never asks you to come into his bed.
Okay, No, I have done the thing where he comes into me and I've gone I'm not putting up with this, and I just go straight in his bed. Yeah, oh yeah, that's slack. And then I wake up. Macy's mate, like, wake up next to Mazie and she's like.
Oh.
So much? Is that what looks like.
Lola does a thing rarely happens with me, happens always with Laura. Obviously the favorite where she'll say, like, come into bed with me, Like she wakes up, she can't find a dummy. You go in the room, give her the dummy, and then she's like, hop in a bed with me for the first time. Wow, for the first time last night ever. Maybe it's happened once a week, you can remember, Yeah, I have a bad memory.
Let's for four minutes. But she was like, I gave her the dummy.
Was waiting for her to say, not you you're prick.
Where's mom?
That didn't happen. It's not long enough to be she can smell me even when she's asleep. She's like, sounds like it smells like a little bit desperation. It comes with a desperate one literally, except that I gave her the dummy and she then looked at me and she said coming to bed with me?
Did you just turn the light and goes because then I was like, I was like, you know, I'm not Laura. I don't want to stuff this up, did you? I don't want to stuff it up? Well, I so like slow.
She's also very particular where she's like she's got little toys and sometimes you know, yeah, and you're like lean on a toy and she's like.
Your fucking you cright, you crushing Jimmy, get off with me animal, and Timmy gets a red So you know, I'm worried.
I'm like, you know, I don't want to STEP's Laula's a mum in her bed. She's got a little babies, her soft toys, So I don't want to damage a soft toy. Also sometimes not sure what side she wants me to go in, Like there's so many rules, it's I'm walking on.
Extra it's stuff. Yeah.
But then the harder it is to.
Get Yeah, the more I want it. I know that's the sad thing about being desperate.
But I got into bed with her, and it was like being in bed with I'm a child.
I knew.
I knew that it was coming, the fact that she was going to say get out, get out of bed. Yeah, but I was just like.
It's not.
It's not when it's if. But I was like, every second was the second that I was enjoying savoring.
How are you fitness in four minutes? I don't know?
This is before I went to bed. Okay, sorry, So I was like whoa, No, this was like I was hopping in a bed and you know when you go to bed, in the moment your head hits the pillow, the kids wake up. Oh yeah, I want to those scenarios. I was in bed with her. I got like forty five seconds. I'm going to say, in bed with her. But there's a reason, Ash, there is a reason why she's warm to me. Okay, something that I'm now doing do it give it during during the day.
Is this a visual? I'm going to get to see something.
This, my friend, is a visual and we will put this on socials because maybe there are some parents out there who have a child that hates them. This trick to trick maybe all you need to get those kids back on side. Yeah, okay, watch this video and see if you can figure out what the heck is.
Oh that's you.
You go.
So handsome? Oh don't who have you got Therekay? Is your doggie? Does he need a little pat on his nose? Maybe? Eat you your dog? He's gonna eat me. So the hack is pretend to be to pretend to be another pant.
I have to pretend to be a dog, and it works like a charm. It's it's unbelievable. Never seen hold your head or anything like that. But the issue is like, whenever I'm not the dog, she's like, be the dog again.
You get down on a little floors.
She loves to ride me. Oh my god, it's but nothing has been more effective.
She who gave you this tip?
It kind of just wire playing one day and I kind of just organically fell into the role of the dog. And then from that moment on I saw she her eyes lit up and she was like, ah my puppy, And I was like, got four buses? Yeah, first a cat. Now the guy who owns me is starting to act like a dog in his grass. I can't I got three legs. Lola can't get enough of me. That's good as a dog. So I read her a bedtime story and I'm like.
A leg would you completely ruined it? Yeah? I mean it is concerning telling her friends going, Dad's lost it.
No, I reckon lost, I reckon She she loves it. She's like this pathetic guy. She's like, I've managed to get him to pretend to be a dog, and he's fucking taking a hook line and Sinker took the bit and she's like, he's such a loser, he will do anything.
They're at Kindy now, sitting around the blocks going guess what.
She's like, Yeah, you couldn't believe. I get him eating outside now from a dog bowl. He can't ship or piss inside the house. Him and Buster just keeps coming back for more. I've noticed if you have a dog bed in the bedroom, must be mine. That's mine. So if ever she's having a tantrum, it's a little it takes.
Is that why you barked at me when I came in?
Yeah, I'm so. I'm in character now. I bit the postman when he came yesterday, just to impress.
Lola, poor buster. The things we do, the things you do, the things you have to do to gain the love of your child, And honestly, you've really scraped the bottom of the barrel. I'll stop at nothing. That's good to know. Yeah, she was very sweet to you. I could see she's very sweet. It's good to know she's like that nice to animals. But she's got it in her. She does have it in it. Just not going to be with a dog for the rest of your her eighteenth birthday
walking down the wedding Very good. Marley and Oscar like the same age, and Oscar hasn't quite understand that. Attitude and tone also comes into it when you're conversing with someone. So I'm chatting with you. If I was like a good one, bro, You're like, oh, tone was off. Tone was off. If I said good one, bro, you'd be like, I love that, love that or something like that. So Ostri quite hasn't worked it out, but he started to do this thing, which it's rude. It's it's fucking rude.
But he doesn't know that, So I don't know if Marley does it too. And it's about the tone in which he converses with me. And I'll try and give you an example and see where you can pick up what I'm talking about. So normal person would say, hey, are we going to the park? Question? Very monotoned, straight out yeah, no attitude, Yes, no question. He's picked up this thing where he goes, are we going to the park or not? I love that, But he does it
with everything. He'd be like he was like eating rice bubbles and he was like, oh, can I have some more? Please? Really lovely? I was like yeah. He was like, are you gonna me some moral not just adding the or not? Such like or not? Should I just give up? Wanting an extra bit of milk? He said this morning because we were talking about what he wants his birthday, because his birthday's coming up, and that's cool. He said, you're gonna get me a president or not? That's exactly what
he said. But he doesn't know it's it's it's he doesn't understand the tone in the conversation.
How do you explain this to him.
I can't. I even have tried to sass him back and be like, bro, he takes that as a yes because I've said, Okay, I love how like you've got.
You've got two ways of dealing with it. You can sit him down and explain the right and wrong way to use tone, and you're like.
Because that'll just would you relax? Bro? Yeah, he's four, He's not going to understand here we walking around his inflections of his way off. He'd be like one of those kids that one of those people grow up with like a weird inflection where they just like, don't don't quite hit the highd hod on the conversation. So I feel like if I sass him back and half he'll be like, what's with the chude? And you can be like, I'm glad, do you bring it up?
Or just building his arsenal of tone he's.
Now yeah, he was like he was. Are you gonna hug me or not? Are you gonna cuddle me or not? I'll see if I can get some footage of him to like how direct it's the or not, especially like the most simplest thing. He's like, you're gonna help me with my shoes or not. But as like as Malia know, the only thing that she does.
I don't know if it's just something that's ingrained in us that isn't necessarily taught. It just happens over time. But she rolls her eyes. Oscar he's the worst at that rolls attitude. It's unacceptable. Maybe like maybe I don't know if other kids are doing it.
He's so good at it too, those young eyes.
There's young, so flexible. Literally in the back of it, like you shipping a season. She's just disgusted in me trying to get it ready for bed. But if I say, if I say all right, my TV is going off, it's time for the bar, She's like.
Where did this come from? And then you're just gonna wait for it to be like are we gonna have ice cream or not? Or no or no. It's it's a very American thing. They go is that right or no?
Lola is going to be like are you going to be a dog or not?
Are you going to be a dog or not? Get back into it. They need to work on their attitude. These kids, speaking of attitude, should be going to our favorite segment, which is petty couples please or not? Are we going to do this segment or not? Peddy couple, welcome down the street, Petty couple, they.
Kind of like with me couple, I love you.
But no one can push me quite like you let me in on your humor. Man, I hope you will say. I fucking love this segment so much because I am a very petty person you are as you picked up.
People always ask me what's Ash like, and I say, he's he's lovely, but he's very petty.
He's very petty, and I honestly I love it the repercussions of it down the track when they say Karma, I almost welcome kamas a bitch. I should know I'm better.
Sorry, Jojo sewell, what's up?
Great new song? Get stream, get my poet.
Anyone who's not watching eight hours of TikTok a day must be very confused right now?
Yes, okay, anyway, let's get back to it. To Macca. This one's from Macca. How Macca says, my husband is petty whenever we argue, so much so that he builds a pillow for between us in the bed so he can't see me or we can't touch it.
I love that.
Talk about talk about a child. She says, I have a variation of this. Go On, I get the ships with April watching TV in bed on her phone and then turning all the lights out to get like the mood for herself. But I'm trying to sleep, okay, And I get.
The headphones in or a blue light. The other day she was doing it.
And I've set up a pillow fort across where my head is so if she turns around, you can see my body.
But I love that. Who knew those skills we learn as six year olds building forts would come in handy when we're married.
Yeah, that's what the only time does come in.
We have like a limit on the number of pillows in our bed.
I'm only allowed one pillow. You're allowed one pillow, one pillow. Yeah.
When I sleep, just so you know, I sleep my elbows out, and so I pushed the pillow. So Laura has got me on a She's rationed me to one pillow in the bedroom.
Hey, what's your pillow preference firm or something? I've had that. Oh, this is going to be disgusting. Go on, I've had the same pillow for the whole time.
I've been with April thirteen years. How yellow stained is it?
It's not. It's like a foam pillow. Okay, okay with a mesh out one.
Does it have a use by date? Because some pillows now have like you should. It's a marketing plot. Hey, this one is from anonymous. You can I just I will remind people anonymous or not, Matt, they are anymous. You don't have to give your details. Some people, as I can appreciate.
They want to stay.
And there are a few couples, a few couples who listen, both listening and I can imagine hearing in your partner.
The kids that are listening in the car now as it's great that they're talking about parents to this kid.
So they are anonymous, they say my us here we go. My husband listens hello, so you can't say my name. He's a five fo worker and he always likes to get one last bit of sexy time in before he flies out.
That's completely fair.
Go so in his last day, when the kids are at school, you know, or during daycare, that's the time for this sexy time business time. However, if he annoys me during the week, for example, if he goes fishing and he hasn't done his jobs around the house, sexy
time is not going to happen. So she says, I purposely booked something in during his desired sexy time window and say it's the only time they had left and explain, you know, I can't take the kids when you're gone, so this is my only time to do it.
Take that clever, clever. And also April says that to me, the realization there, it's the only time they could do it. It's the only time they could fit me in. Oh really, do you know what next time she says that to me, I'm going to ring the place and be like, I heard this is the only time you can fit her in. I reckon.
They'd be like, it's a husband, just make a make up a story code red.
Should we go into questions?
May actually before we go into listening questions A really quick one. With your breakfast with the kids in the morning, do you give them an option or do you just make their breakfast and they get what they're given?
Well, Oscar would say, you gonna give us options or not? Little little kid, a little bastard, I give them options. I usually would say, what do you want for breakfast, Macy. The answer is usually so, which is toast. I got that, okay, But lately she's like just gonna kill the voice makes He's in the room right now. Oscar's like nursery grains, which is nutri nutral grain that he will say toast. Now how she says it? Do you do you ever?
My kids do this all the time, and it does my head. In this morning, Marley was like, I want scrambled eggs, which I'm happy to do, Jesus, which I'm happy to do. It's a ball egg because obviously you got to I'm not doing that. You gotta make the scrambled eggs just eggs, see they Marley. It's the one dish that she eats all of it herself, so I can. I can make it. It's high effort.
How many eggs too? It's pretty good?
Thank you, thank you.
She's no, she's lifting more than you at the gym. She's just like your dad.
Don't kick me when I'm down, mate, Sorry, sorry, sorry, but I make the eggs. I put the eggs in front of her. She says, I want wee bicks all the time, dude, all the time, and then we'll have a full blown meltdown, like kicking and screaming tantrum because I don't. Because I'm like, I'm not gonna waste these eggs. Yeah, you gotta eat the eggs.
Yeah, that's fair, mate, you are not in the wrong. I'm like, what do I do here? I think if she I'm a very big fan of if you make your bed, you're laying it.
She's got to sleep in the scrambled egg.
Yes. Well, when I was a kid, anything I didn't eat or I didn't put into the dishwasher or the sink ended up in my bed. What Yeah, that was the threat? And who did it actually end up in there? No? Because I would scared the ship out of me, So I never I don't recall. Do you definitely think some dishes have been in there?
I do, Yeah, I do recall my mom, my older brother Adam. Not to call you out, I hope you will, but he's not listening. He used to never put his dishes in the in the dishwasher and he just leave it on the kitchen table. I do recall mum putting that in his bed.
An generational thing. But we didn't never have a dishwasher. Because we're no, we just didn't. We just didn't have one. I'm not sure what we lived in a rental back then they didn't. Now they're like standard. But like it was, it was an ongoing threat from my dad, which course would probably handed down from here.
So I should threaten to put the eggs in Marley's bed.
Yeah, do see what happens? Just be like or older. If you don't eat it, now, next time you ask me for something to eat, this is what you'll be eating. So like, for example, I don't want to disagree with you here because kids always go go like, say for dinner, they're like, I'm full, and then they're like, I want to snack, and it's like whoa, whoa, whah, whoa whoa. If you're fool, you can't eat a snack. And if you want to snack, you must be hungry. So if you're hungry, he's dinner.
Laura is going to be so confused when she's like, why do we have moldy eggs in Marley's bed?
Yeah? All week? I think a lesson from Ash. I think if she wants to have a melt down over it, let her have the melt down and go there's still nothing else, so that she knows that even though she melts down, she's not going to get the results she wants. Am I a genius or not? I think like, I'm not having that. If Mazie this thing where they're like, I want a banana, love that for it's great. Take one bite and I catch him trying to put it in the bin, and I'm like, get it out of
the bin. Now you're eating it. Get it out of the bin. You're not eating anything else. Or you can go to bed and it could be like nine in the morning, You're going to bed like that's the threat and usually gets them.
Usually a few times my kids have slept thirteen hours.
I'm dusting that banana off and it's going straight in my mouth. I'll go Another question this is that was a one I threw in there. That was a host question. That was a host question.
Has this from Jessica Oh, how to stop a twenty two month old from hitting, pinching, biting her four year old sister without us smacking her?
Have you have that you're not smacking your children? Because but why is it always the younger one hitting the older one?
Because Macey's the same I think, what does she doing to ask her?
She just she sits on him. He just teases him because he It's all about the reaction of the other kid. I would say, just a four year old really react and if so, the other one knows they're going to get a little reaction out of it. And we're all about reactions. I don't My kids, thankfully don't bite. They definitely hit each other, but not with any malice.
This is controversial and I'm definitely not condoning this type of behavior because she is saying she doesn't want to resort to violence, Yeah.
Because that would just make it then the kids think it's okay to hit people. Okay, that's what I'm.
Saying, but just hear me out.
Depends what you're hit him with.
And I will just preface this and say it's not me. I didn't do this. I'm also not saying that other people should do this, but I'm just giving it. I'm just giving an example of what happened with a family friend of ours.
I'm locked in.
Okay, so they had a child I was younger when when this is happening. They had a child that wouldn't stop biting out kids was a serial bitter. It was like almost like a cannibal, just like to taste other people. He just wouldn't stop biting. And it was a real problem because no one likes a bitter. That's like, that's one of I think the worst scenarios. If you're in the park and your kid is biting other kids.
They must be embarrassing. It's embarrassing and people listening with that. I don't know, because thankfully my kids are perfect. It's like what.
People who have been that situation, it's like a low point.
Yeah, that sucks. That sucks.
It's a tricky one. So she was in that scenario, and I remember my mom was speaking to her and saying like, this is what you should try doing. Obviously, like they're trying to talk it out. Then one day she came in and she's like, I fixed the problem. So she caught him biting someone. She just then turned around. You know where this is going. No, she just bit her kid. She gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Oh my.
God, never bit again. I don't know how hard she was biting him, but I think she would have. She made him like do.
We actually do do we actually have a conversation about this before where April pretended to because Macy went to or Oscar went like like a Nora on her arm, but not like a by like a oh and April did it back. I don't remember that. And he went and she was like see, you know, you know it didn't actually buy it? Did it work? The jury is out? I don't know.
She's going to be more forceful. She got to drop blood?
Is that what happened? You have to bite a finger off for it to work. Let me get lest trade this person? Kid? Yeah, bit another kid at her park.
Well, I don't know the exact location.
Actually, if you're going to go specifics, okay, just say just let's hypothetically was it a park? Then her reaction his or her reaction their own kid. They bit their own kid. How do you like it? Situation exactly?
And they never bit again, never well bit again. And I'm not saying that we should go out there and start biting our own kids.
I hope you're not saying that because that will get us canceled. But there's a munch of vampires that there going that's wrong with.
All I'm saying.
That's pretty red heart.
I say I mean, as Laura says, like, we've got a three year old who still has a dummy where we don't know how to stamp out that kind of negative behavior, so you probably shouldn't come to me for advice.
It's also like that when you go through school and stuff like that, they say, treat others how you want to be treated, spit like that sort of situation. So maybe we'll go with it. Maybe don't bite your kids? Maybe go how would you like it if I bit? You know that general parenting stuff sucks? Yeah, it does can. By the way, get it set a knuckle duster. You're a parent out there, bite your kids or not to do that or not? Will emphasize are you going to bite me or not? I have a question for you.
This is from Lucinda. Hello, Lucinda high Lycinder. It's a very pretty name. It's a beautiful Listen to Bell.
Was a girl on my primary school Lovely, lovely young lady Lucinda Bell Cinder.
Bell could be her. Lucy Goosey, Listen to Bell. What what's wrong with that? Lucy Goosey? Listen to Bell. You don't know how she turned out?
Fuck is wrong with you?
Who? Handles bedtime at your place. She goes on to say, we had to do a full contract right up and sign it.
Who doesn't, Oh, it's tough, it is.
At what point do you get to the stage where it's like we need a contract? Did he like marriage? Bedtime contract? Lawyers? Like? You want to do what? Now? What do you want to get drawn up? I don't think you can do that. Do it? Are you gonna do it or not?
We share it, We share it, but every now and then, Like, there's definitely parts of the bedtime routine that I lean into. There's parts that I absolutely hate.
What do you hate?
I'm glad you asked defeeding of the dinner?
Was that part of the bedtime routine?
But surely that's part of in bed no because it always goes like for us anyway, it's very quick, quick success.
Leaning into nighttime routine, it's very different.
What do you mean nighttime? It's it's all the same. It's all the same. I'm gonna lump it all in because we have dinner, we have a bit of quiet time, have the bath, PJS on, we're asleep.
So that's the night nighttime, nighttime route. You just said it I.
Don't want to get into an argument. So bath is is that included?
Yes?
How the fuck is a bath included? And the dinner's not. Let's not fight on the podcast. Do you what I started doing? Didn't like the bath? I now get in the bath.
With them we naked.
No, no, no, I wear my budgies.
That'll be weird.
No, no judgment if you do go on the in the bath naked. I feel like shower You're allowed to be naked.
Ba I love those shower means. It's like showering winters balls in the head.
I wear my budgies in the bath and I and I find it makes it more fun and it also it's easier.
It's like there pretending to be a dog or a human. I mean.
Should but brushing teeth. Hate that that sucks.
Kids don't like it. That's what that's going to go. My kid Macey's gone from mintce to toothpaste. She loves toothpaste.
See also at the moment, I'm a bit off reading to the kids unless it's our book, which is also available.
Breader right now. I love that. I as soon.
As I start reading, I can't stop yawning.
Yeah, it's the same. I don't do the reading very often. It's for us. It's like we'll bath, like when we're sort of in and out of the bathroom at different times because we've got you know, April was like, oh, remember to do something so we can we use that time for the tag team. Yeah, we use that time for the other person to clean up downstairs and just you know whatever.
But I would I will take cleaning the kitchen any day of over trying to get the kids ready for bed.
Yeah, so then I will get the kids out of the bed, April will get Macy ready, and I'm usually getting Oscar ready right which he's a silly bugger, so you're just like trying to catch him starters. And it's like then I'll give the kids a kiss good night, and then they'll read with April because she's much more patient than me with the reading. When you don't have I just don't. I need to get tested. I can't handle it. I can't handle it. Boring. There you go.
I said it, but like I'll do it something else you are reading unless you are read to question. I do do it sometimes, like if April is out on a boozy lunch it's extended.
Which is most weekends more often than nine.
Am I right?
I love your April. I'm I'm joking. Continue.
She always gets the raw in there. She we love it. She goes out once once a quarter a year, once a We're like again, we're just milking that one time. Uh, And then I'll do the whey you you read the start of the book and you're like, and the end into bed.
You gotta you, gotta, you gotta flick a couple of pages. I've found, like there's nothing more nerve racking when you're reading a book. And in my head, I'm like, well, this is a long book. I'm just gonna like as I turn this page, I'm going to clump in three or four pages together and then I turn it. Marley is so bloody smart. She's like, what are you doing that.
You miss the synopsis? She's like, what happened there? She's like, I know the sequences.
She knows sequence to calls me out of it. Lolla has no idea.
She's just like, this is grated down, yeah, getting down there. And pant April does this thing where she reads the book but changes the words to like not naughty words, but like you know, balm and pooh and shit like that, where she's like and the bum bum king, and like Oscar.
Always gets to laugh love, I always get to laugh, and I.
Think it's funny from the other room while I'm like cleaning up or doing anything. But like it's mainly April doing like from me getting Oscar dressed to give them both kissing our little cuddle. She's usually and then it gives me a chance because I also make the dinner for us, so sometimes it's finishing touching of the dinner whatever.
I would love to know what everyone's preference is, the dinner and cleanup or bath in bed.
Yes, dinner and clean up is much easier.
Ah doesn't talk back, It doesn't yell at it doesn't.
It doesn't. Sometimes I take the rubbish out a little bit quiet time, a dude. I come back back my head and see if they're still wake them up and gone back ahead, go to the recycling. That's good, very good, that's good gear.
We should get out of here.
We should.
That cat's being locked in my bedroom without the key litter and I'm ninety percent sure I've got diarrhea in the carpet.
Cat poo is gross.
I'm going to sort that out. But if you have liked this episode, please we would love it if you were to share it with anyone out there. Doesn't have to be a parent, could be a non parent, just not a pet parent. They may enjoy this episode and get a laugh.
The pet parents might like this episode because you pretend to be a pet yes, which usually pets a lot a lot of pet chat. But you're not welcome.
And give us a review yes on Spotify or Apple podcast, be great, whatever you prefer.
You're preferent up to you.
You decide, and oh yeah, one thing before we go. We have a Facebook group. It's currently sitting at a whopping one hundred and twenty eight members room for one more, potentially maybe two Doting Dads on Facebook.
Yes, find us.
You can request to be accepted and then we will think about it. If you're a pet parent, will we will let it marinate. If there's any profile pictures with pets included, be careful.
You're out of there.
We'll see next week.
Bye bye.
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.