#63 Dad Voice Activated

I did see on the way here, which I thought was gave you a giggle. I gave me a giggle. It sucks because it's happened to me before I was at the lights driving. Someone was standing at the lights wrestling with their AirPods and their AirPod case. You know, happidly they can be, especially in the morning. You're like, oh, you know, you could be tired. Maybe pre coffee for sure. Everyone fell out and it fell out about a couple of times and straight down the train.

Oh no. Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie Jay and I'm as This is a podcast that's all about parenting. It's the good, the.

Bad, and the relatable.

And if you've come wanting any type of advice, unfortunately, not here, not today. Ash is getting distracted by a little toy dinosaur.

I'm going to name him Leticia.

Sorry, no advice, no advice, Okay, not today.

Then, Also, before we do get into it, yeah, I've got something for you.

You've come bearing gifts, mate, you got another one. Okay for people who are listening. It's a legionnaire's hat pink and blue, and mine reads Hi, I'm Matt and I like the.

Party and mine reads Hi, I'm ash and I like to party.

Where'd you get them from?

Someone tagged us in that and I laughed ha ha on there and then this particular brand, Uncle Rico, reached out and they're like, do you want one? I was like, oh yeah, so they send one age.

They're very comfy.

They are.

I have not worn a Legionaires hat since grade five.

Were going to wear every the whole eversode.

You look fucking beautiful.

Thank you.

Not many men can pull off a Llegion's hat. April is a very lucky lady.

I thought you'd like that. Also, before we get started, we like to thank Stonewood.

Absolutely.

We're drinking a Pacific aal today. Get to sname after the Pacific Ocean from its home Byron Bay. They call it Byron Bay in.

A bottle you know where I was drinking a stone and wood the other day. We've spoken about certain situations. Certain occasions make stone and wood even more delicious.

Sunday afternoon in the sun, very very good.

That's up there. I think I've got one that's on part maybe even better. Wizzle my way into Alian Stadium recently for a Rooster's game. Guess what was on tap? Stonewood Stone would so I got a last minute ticket. Sitting down watching the kickoff Stonewood in hand. It was fucking beautiful.

Yes, choose to stonin Wood for making this episode possible.

I don't want to offend you. The hat's great. I'm going to take mine off.

You take that off. I quit this podcast.

Thank god. You can wear yours.

I will be wearing mine.

I went full dad Mo at the footy. Oh yeah, and it felt good. It felt really good. Explain exciting for anyone who doesn't know Roosters. The homeland is Bondai bond Junction. Recently awful attacks there, and before the game, they had some beautiful words that were spoken. We had a moment of silence before the game and I was sitting next to four or five young men. I want to call them. They are about I want to say

Man, I've always said that they've probably picked up that you were a dad, a doting one at that.

I think so. I think so. I'm surprised no one else said anything. But I also said it loud enough that people like in the rope in front and behind could have.

Heard, were you like king shit for the whole game?

Also, I kind of ruined the aim for them beyond because we have to then sit next to each other for the entire game. And they were supporting Melbourne and I was supporting the Roosters. But they did they apologize and said we're really sorry.

Oh that's nice.

So it went. It went down. And if they were like, what are you going to do about it, I'll be.

Like, because kids are brazen these days, they could have gone an opposite way. They just got no they've got no respect.

These kids, they don't make they don't. I want to say, you did the right thing. I'm proud of you, thank you. People around there would have been like.

This guy, the balls on this guy. How many kids were there? Four of them?

It was four? It was four. But and the reason why, just for anyone who needs context, the friend who I was with lost someone in the attacks. And so that's why I was like, how fucking dare you?

You should have just started swinging.

I was so close to just that.

Two wrongs don't make it right.

They correct correct and luckily I shouldn't have sworn these kids. I want to I want to, I want to say that they were like sixteen seventeen, just to make it seem like I wasn't going after a bunch of nine year olds.

It was just a poor little told actually doing a pero.

Mine. It feels good to tell off a kid and then get the rest and get some respect back. Not that I want this to be a regular occurrence now. I don't want to be telling off kids left right center, but every now and then you got to just put your foot down, absolutely make your presence.

I completely agree with you. I couldn't agree more.

But my mate was like, really, you really changed your voice for that, didn't Jed? I was like, yeah, I did, if I made my normal voice. And I'm like, can you guys be quiet? Like that's got nothing hooligans anyway, how are you, mate?

I'm good. I wanted to ask you. Having two kids, Matt, we all know that I have two kids. Sometimes the second child can get I mean, I know I hate you, but sometimes the.

Second thank you for reminding me, sorry about that.

But the second child sometimes doesn't get the the things the first child got, I e. Clothing, Oh yeah, thing, so like I mean for you, and there'd be parents out there listening as well, who've got more than two kids, and the hand me down thing is just it's very cost effective. I will say friends of ours who have had girls and Macy's youngest, like, we've got all these clothes and of course we're going.

To take it. Well. Luckily, Marley was a pretty scrawny little kid and Lola was an absolute nugget, so it didn't take long for Lola to reach Marley's size. Like I think from the age of two, they were both throwing pretty much the same down, which was kind of like it's calm on both ways. Now, So when I was buying, when I was buying anything, and it's one of the great things about having two girls, I would just buy two of the same pretty much this I

I'm all for the hand me downs. I'm not dissing that. I just wanted to understand that it's not like you're in the same boat. Everyone else will be in the same boat. And for me, I've got a boy and a girl, so you think it could make it a little bit more difficult, which it does because Oscar's a boy and she's a girl, and he's also very inquisitive. So it's like, why is Macey wearing my T shirt? Because we've been over this. You've got a new T

Yeah, Lola, Lola got into a period where she didn't want to wear socks. They Oh yeah, it sucks. These boots.

They're like cheap plastic boots. And the other day I went to change a nappy and I was like, oh, it was like the fuck, this shit stinks. Open the nappy up, no shit in there. It was her feet. Ah, it's fucking gross. So she gets all the hand me downs But the other day we April and I realized that she needed something. It's something major, it's just something that's like we need. So we went to the shops.

Okay, okay, plenty of time for Macy. Can I just say I feel like she's warm to me?

Yeah? Not enough time for Oscar.

Well, I just feel like the last few times been in your plays, she's been there.

She's been there.

And we have that little game which is not too dissimilar to the game that ruled my relationship with Oscar, where I scare her.

But you planning on abducting Macy too. For those listening, it's a video I've taken of Macy. I want you to guess what's new.

She's shrudding down the aisles like she's on a catwalk in Milan, looking fan fuckingtastic in a set of brands making new pink goggles. Ah. She was palmed so pumped that we were like, I think they've even got the protective film.

So she's got their hand me down goggles from Oscar her and Oscar where goggles in the bath for fun? What it's not weird. There's parents out there listening to that guy. Yeah, they think it's fun. They think it's funny. It's fun. Also saves with a lot of a lot of water in the eyes actually, because they should have a bath together.

So I guess it's a good thing. When you're washing their hair, they don't get so pop.

Yeah, yeah, it's a good thing. Yeah, it's in their mouth.

Still I've never done that.

Yeah, they wanted it. And also Oscar was practicing. He's going under in the bath and now Macey's like watching him, following along, going I want to go on. So she had Oscar's hand me down goggles for a long time and we were like.

What was the problem with that.

There wasn't a problem with that other than they'd been in the bath. They've been wet for a long time, and wetness contracts mold.

And we're like turning into a science podcast, Science with Doctor Carl and trucks mold. I'm listening.

Anyway, So you've got molder goggles the teacher. Essentially, the teacher said, it's swimming. She needs to start going under. All this is a waste.

Say, the teacher was like, you can't met your child wear these moldy pieces. She's going to contract some kind of illness and you're like, what's wrong with them? She'd be right, I've got barnacles growing on them.

And the teacher was like, she's got to start going under or you're just wasting your money. Essentially, that's what she said. Like she's great at floating.

That's on you. You're the teacher.

Yeah, yeah, she's she's encouraging and like it made her sound like a real asshole then, but like she was saying, look, we you need to start encouraging it more from your side or something, because she just gets traumatized if the teacher just goes plump plump anyway, So we're like, okay, how do we do that? We go get you some new goggles. You don't go so turn it into something

Goggle are they fall into the category of items that are so easily lost, And like, I just want to say, prepare yourself for the frustration of every morning when you have sim class being like, where the hell are these goggles?

Man? I've he was obsessed with you, so we don't lose them. He's got him on me. He's just like watch.

Literally every every swimming class. Every we come home and I'm like, I'm going to put these here, and then the next week rolls by and I'm like, in the morning, I'm late.

Just take them into the bath.

That raad your voice choke. I'll try that's all the time. I'll try that.

That.

My kids, I don't know, they're like they're not like they're not big goggle kids.

Oscar the Goggle kids, A big Goggle boy. He's a big goggle. Actually he's got big goggles too. They're not those little ones like that, they're like huge, like scoomas. He'd hate that. I was laughing at them.

Actually part time yesterday didn't have any goggles problem.

There's your first problem.

But something happened, yeah, Ash And And you know, like kids, my kids especially, they're at daycare four days a week. There are a lot and so they hang around the other kids an awful lot. And Marley's now four. Pretty sure she's taking five. She is, thank you Durning.

Five very soon on the nineteenth of June.

Fuck he's good.

Yeah, because Oscar is the fourteenth and I've got a friendish due on the twenty first.

See something in the water nine months ago, everybody was what was that?

Fucking all the parents? We need that.

September October October time.

Oh, a notorious month for mounting your partners.

But we'll get Marley into the bar. And you know, sometimes from daycare I'm around other kids, they pick up certain words, certain phrases. You know, they'll say something and you're like, oh, We're like, yeah, you'd you get that from the Like oh, I got it from Timmy At.

Dacare fucking Timmy.

And Marley put the hand in the water and she's like, holt ship, that water is hot.

And I was like, Timmy needs to check himself.

And I was like, what did you say? And Lula's already in there like none the wiser and she's like that water is hot. And I'm like that's a naughty word. And she's like what of it. She's like, no big deal. And I'm like, you know that's a naughty word and she goes, yeah, we say naughty words at daycare. I also say you're a asshole. That's a piece of What the fuck is up? Get just starts rolling and she's like, she's like you're a piece of ship. You're a fucking asshole. He's a bastard.

I was like, I'm sending my kid to this dude.

She's just like changing through this.

Holy shit, she sounds like my grandmother.

This robust vogueab of nothing but swear words. And so so I'm also like, Laura, if you got there and there's just a board and the sucker kids are there with beers in hand, like smoking cigarettes. The daycare teacher is Irish, so nothing against Irish people that was racist. They do, like I swear. So then Laura's in the kitchen, She's heard this come out of Marley's mouth. Also, I'm saying it in front of Lola, and Lola's there kind of being like what's going on. We pull Marley aside

Also, I expect that sort of language out of Lola, not Marley just saying.

I agree, I agree. But apparently apparently the kids at daycare, it's like all the rage right now. Words they're like they've come together and they're like teaching each other. There's one kid i'll call him Timy. I don't want to say his real name. I feel like he's the ring leader. But we explained to Marley, like that's a naughty word. You can't say that. I sent her under the bath and she was like, get me the fuck out of here. But dropped her a day care the next day, and

It's so easy for them to say you've got to say something, You say something.

I pulled the teacher aside and I was like, look, I just want you to know that the kids that O'Malley was saying, if you swear words, she's saying that she's learned from other kids. But I didn't want to point the finger at this kid, you know, I said, I would.

Hate I don't want to point the finger at this kid, potentially this one.

I had him by the collar, check him out. Yeah, but I said, I would hate for Marley to be the ring leader here, just to make it seem like it did.

It turned out she was actually we were going to know now that.

She's a bit older. Now that she's a bit older, she could possibly be the ring leader. She's pretty smart too, She's very clever. She could be the one instigating this. But they said it's hard right now. Because they had noticed that the kids were starting to swear. They quickly tried to nip it in the butt and were like, this is very naughty. But then the more attention they gave it. The more the kids were then like dobbing and other each other. The kids were like, hey, Rachel just said fuck you.

Like it's really hard on the moment because we just hired Chopper reed to be a full time.

The white noise yeah, been playing the background. So then they're like, we're trying to you know, trying to manage this. But the more attention we give it, then the more airtime it gets and the more the kids can't drop it.

Sounds like excuses to me, Matt sounds like excuses, not Mike. K Indie probably guess it's bad. That's it is a fine line between me like laughing at it and I know we speak about this a lot. She was using a little gig.

There's nothing funnier than the context Toddler using a swear word. Yeah, And I mean, like, is it the worst thing in the world that she's using it in the right context? Not my mind.

I'd much rather use like the F word than like sledge someone, unless it's a cleverly crafted sledge.

Then playing on proud moment, But there's also because Lola is in the group below Marley, so they're a little bit younger people who don't know Lola's three just turned three?

Was that a question?

I was? I should have said that Lola is three? Good?

She is definitely three confidence.

I like it. But Lola's picked up on something which she's now using a home as well, really smoking and this one. Yeah, she is now doing class run the fucking bar. These kids are run it rings around me, but she drink. She is now using a phrase which again kids are using it without really understanding the full impact of the words that they're using.

Yeah they don't. Yeah, a lot of the time they don't know what they're saying.

And it really hurts me. Man, I can see the pain in your eyes. She drips it, she drops it. I'm being sworn out by Marley. And Lola's now started saying I hate.

You early on to we start saying that ship to you.

I can only assume she doesn't realize what she's saying. She knows full well.

Do you just hate you too? She doesn't know that really hurts you?

Feel better? That really hurts Do.

You do what I do? Away for him to turn around and give him the finger.

Oh yeah, I come downstairs and I'm like, that's funny, man, under my breath. Laura is like, you can't say that. I'm like, she's not listening. It's fine.

I heard that, so Lola.

Now every little time, it doesn't matter what it is. If it's like getting her shoes on in the morning or getting pajamas on, she's just like, I hate so much as she draws it a part of her Winnie Blue when he red.

Well, I'm not some sort of pussy. It's a Winnie Red. Now drink.

Gone to the days of this household being like a beautiful, peaceful environment for all of us to get along, and it's turned into I'm living in this is silver Water prison essentially.

This is what it's genes at silver Water. We love you.

Shout out to all the prisoners out there. Dude, it's your kids. Say that as Oscar is Oscar dropping that. What's he saying to you?

Nah? If he well, I would come down wrath if he was like, I hate you, because I would just be like, I hate you too, man, Fire with fire, Fire with fire in my house a lot of the time. Wow, okay, well, keep me posted. One day She'll love you, mate.

The only thing that makes it hit a little softer is the fact that she's kind of saying it to everyone. It's not just me.

She's dropping it because you're always at your button heads a lot anyway lately.

Yeah, I'm already. I'm already that relationship is it's fragile.

It's like, you know, hard, because it's hard to work on with a kid of that age too, because it's like you can just be like really overly after them and they figure that out.

So now I'm also like, I'm avoiding her. Awakenp in the morning, she's downstairs, and I'm like.

Well, look, keep me posted on that. I really want to know if she turns it around. I really want to know if she starts to say it with intent. She's just saying it to everybody. And then she was like, I love you mommy, I hate you daddy. I want to know.

Oh she does it as well.

She does.

She's I'm now waiting for her to start like I'm bracing myself for her to start spitting on me, which actually she does. She's done already, like she she's out of control. She's out of control.

I'm sure there's some listeners out they have kids that are similar.

So when Lola drops this comment, I kind of I turn into like a bit of a weakling. I just I take it. I copy it. I do say I don't. I don't like that Laura is trying. I run to Laura, Laura when it happens, she's doing it again.

You just said it, just doing it again.

She listens to Laura. She doesn't listen to me.

That's fair.

And so Laura has to explain to her that they're naughty words and say that you can't you can't say. And then Laura will look at me and she's like, she doesn't mean it, and I'm like, she does. She knows that, she knows she's doing.

She knows what she's doing. She said it enough to know exactly what it means.

And then it just makes me not want to do any of those tasks because I don't want to be copy it. So I just I do. I avoid her. But I did a podcast with a lady called Jen Mua, How Human, and I explained to her her what Lola was saying to me. And I was keen to get her taking it because she's a child behavioral expert, and I don't know if I believe her. With her response, she said that apparently kids between the ages of like

They're just trying to make you feel better.

Okay, And I'm like, please, Jen, go on and explain to me how this is a good thing, because right now I don't see any good coming from this at all other than the fact that I'm feeling very fragile. And then she goes, it means that Lola is so safe around you, She is so certain with her relationship with you that she can push you away without any fear of abandonment.

She knows.

It's working. So apparently, apparently that that is a good sign.

There you go.

So I'm like, well, why doesn't she do it to Laura? Is it just me? And she's like, that's all I got time for, apparently. So yeah, if you're a kid, if you're a parent out there and your kid hates you.

Congratulations, congratulations.

It means they feel so safe in your company.

Very good, very very good.

So when she's fifteen and she's still doing it.

I'm like, no, she'll actually hate you. Then, Matt Kao's got you covered this footy season with every game of every round live and at break free during play.

It is a big game coming up, and this one's very important for me because my situation is a bit different to yours. Ash because you're from Manley, your son is from Manley, loves Manly. You both support Manly, Happy Days Easy. I've got an issue. I'm from Brisbane, Marley's born here in Sydney. So the game coming up is Sydney versus the Roosters, and I'm drilling into Maley. I do like the Roosters in case they are listening, but I'm drilling into Maley that she is going to be

Yes, the Miami GP is back and so will all the A list stars, Ken Danny Ricardo bounce back from heartbreak in China and Ken Ferroro get back onto the podium.

As it's also a massive weekend of the Sun Corpse, super netborg Adelaide, Thunderbirds hosting the Giants, and Melbourne Vixen's take on Queensland Firebirds in a top of the Table clash.

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I just like them fair enough. I've been to an X game that was enough won me over.

There is plenty of room for everyone, so get on board with KO. It's now also available on Hubble.

So couple of weeks ago, we talked about replacing a segment that we have been running for a long time, which is a meltdown or tantrum of the week, however you want to call it, with that amazing theme song that we do have that people love.

I can hear right now, the gasps.

The sigh of relief. Oh God. Well, Matt and I are going to do a live edition of it for you right now, but we're going to replace it with something that we discussed two weeks ago on an episode Petty Things that you do to your partner. Now, it's not overly parenting. It can be parenting because there's some things you do that you could do that involves the kids, involves the kids that are petty, of course.

But mostly this is like, this is couples.

This is a couple's kind of get some couple of stuff because I think it's fun. And it came from.

I saw you doing your socials and I thought straight away, I was like, what do we got here? What we got here?

So I Abral and I had a disagreement, okay, And I don't know how you solve things in your house. I don't know the same way that we solved the things in my house.

How do you solve things?

The more immature, the better, okay, because then we laugh about it. It's fun. So Abil and I had a disagreement about something, and it's my job to make the bed. So out of spite and pettiness, I made my side of the bed and didn't make her so what you like, split down the middle, split down the middle, messy clean. But I made my side of the bed way more neat than I've ever made a bed in my life. Like I was like, it could get a medal. I was like, fold over the top, sheet pillow stacked nicely,

Exploded, like pissed on her side.

Yeah, pretty much. I left it deuce in there.

Can I ask was she working from home at this point? When did you expect her to respond?

She was in a meeting when I made the bed, and I knew the meeting and probably go for a little while, and I knew I was leaving, so I've gone and I made a video about it because I thought this is funny, and also my whole shtick is I want to try and get those relatable moments and things that you do that people go, oh, fuck, we do.

That, that's funny or shit like that.

And anyway, I'm like on the way I think I was on the way here, and I get a phone call and she was like, what's the deal with a bet? I was like, I don't know what you're talking about, and she was like, very funny, ha ha, And we had to laugh about it and then the argument eventually fixed itself. But it got me thinking about what are the petty things that you do to your significant others. So we've decided to create a new segment called Petty Couple Welcome down the Street, Petty Couple.

They kind of liked it with me dirty couple, I love you, but immiture.

No one can push me bad. Lag you.

Ash. When I found out about this segment, I was thinking to myself, do I do anything petty? I was like, surely not.

Of course you do it.

No, I don't know. That's not me. It's not in my nature. I'm not that type of person. And then I was like, oh gosh, there are a few things. Yeah, and one of them is off the back of the fact that I am and Laura will probably disagree with this, but I do the washing at home that falls into my remit the clothes washing. Wow, you actually do That's my job, bro, that's my job because I'm always.

Say you clothes always looks so nice.

Thank you so much. Thank you for noticing. Except I made a mistake. This caused such a big argument at the time. I got the washing. If it's white's great, If it's colors, cool, That's how I separate them. Laura had I think it was a silkish dress. It was colored, so I was just like, I don't know.

You don't know what to do with it? I don't know tag either.

No, I'm like, cool, if it's in the washing basket, that's just play on. Right do you wash silk?

What do you do with it?

Apparently not? Well, like it needed to be washed on a delicate cycle. I now know, okay, but at the time I just lumped in with everything else. So I ruined a beautiful silk dress, which I now also know is very expensive. But Laura came home and she was like, what are you doing?

You you're wearing I know this is a segment, but she was like, you like, you.

Do not read the instructions. And I'm like, I don't own a dress. I don't. I don't own anything silk.

You know, all right?

Upsetting me up, and so I was like, it's not my fault. This is you should tell me, be like, hey, there's a silk dress in there. It needs to be handled differently, right right, just back me, back me up.

I'm not not backing you. Why. You can see where it's going, Like looking at the table, I can see where it's going.

You always fucking side with Laura. Sorry, don't you dare range your voice to me? Sorry? I apologize. Good anyway. So what I do now, which is a little bit petty, and what annoyed me is the fact that I was like, I do all the washing, all right, instead of you being grateful for the fact that you don't have to put any washing on. She does sometimes, but ninetaersent the time it's my job.

She never does it.

So when I do the washing, I remove her items. I don't wash her items. I just washed mine.

I washed the kids stay. I've done a similar thing. I hung my stuff up and not hers. So all my stuff was dry, and all the stuff was still in the washing machine.

And it's stunk. Is that just all the titles out of the back of an argument. That's just for fun.

We have got some from listeners, Matt, that's a great one, and this is what I'm talking about. That's my fucking bread and butter. So if you do, we're going to read a couple out here. But if you do have any, please send some to Hello at two Doting dads dot com or d m us on two Doting Dad's Instagram page, or send it to Matt and right. Either way we will try and get to as many as we can. But for now we're going to just read off a couple what.

Do you got? What do you got? What do you got?

People are fucked read me? Okay this one, this one comes from I'm just going to go anonymous and case it's not meant to be. They don't want to give themselves away because they must do this behind their back, which is way better. They got to say, if he leaves a fingernail lying around the house, I shove it into his deodrant.

What do you mean in the I'm.

Assuming it's a role. So he rolled ends up rolling the fingernail or toenail into his armpit that he obviously doesn't know. So it's kind of a little for her internally to be like, fuck you.

Oh, it's like a speed stick. Yeah, she's embedding the nails into the.

That's the first one I read that's really brilliant.

And this one is from Dannielle. I won't say last name, what's her address? She says, the petty thing I do with my partner, I feel the bin bag as much as I fucking can, because that's that's his job. I want to know, like, is she finding things to throw out just so He's like he's just feeling he's just taking the bin bag out and she's like filling it up in five minutes.

It's so good. I love them. I know that you're all doing something petty to each other and I want to know about it because I fucking love it, or so it gives me ideas. Oh poor April, I know I said the other day, and I haven't quite executed it yet. I'm trying to execute it before this comes out right and then I can update you. But April does this thing at the moment where she's not complaining about my cooking. She's more like getting over the meals.

Okay, so how many meals?

Who the fuck is over steak?

I feel like men vegetarians? And how many meals do you have on rotation?

I'm not even rotating. I'm not even there's just like something if I'm like, oh, just cook that because it's easy this week, and she'll be like, I probably haven't cooked in ages.

I don't really like, what are you having the steak with? Can I just ask? Quickly?

Meeting too? Veg? What veg you got We're going to do brocoli if she wants broccoli. I'm pretty flexible. Also, it's not a fucking restaurant. Jesus. Anyway, that's not the point. So I thought to myself, and I'm going to do this, and before I'm going to do it, because she will complain about my cooking between now and then. I was going to cook the next time, Just cook me dinner and then be like dinner's ready, and be at the table and her play empty and I play full. And

That is such, that's such an aggressive move, it's warranted. That's like, that means it's war.

That is like she'll forget, she'll forget before having any paypack.

Once you're going to like, once you're entering that level of pettiness, it's like it's so fun. It's m hmm.

Anyway, we'll see. I'll keep you updated with that.

I like. I like the pettiness where the other person's not quite sure that it's happening, like I do. I do sometimes I think like Laura might look at the laundry basket and be like, oh, my thing is really maybe mine would just at the bottom.

Of the pi.

Yeah, maybe we just didn't make that load I had, whereas it's all absolutely strategic. Yeah.

I when I used to work at the Timb, I don't want to my own many jobs. I used to share like this long desk with someone. Right, It's a really long desk and there was a pole in the middle of it, and it determined who's how big eachhit of our desk work. That was the divider. And I was so pety that every time he pissed me off, I would get When he wasn't there, I'd get under the table, unscrew the leg and move it towards his

You are a psychopath.

I've got time.

Can I just quickly? Can I have one more from from Maddie? And this is a great why oh mad mad d She says, my husband is terrible at returning coffee up to the kitchen, so I make my coffee in the nice mug, and then I use the mugs that I know he hates for his coffee. And that is so beautiful because you can just you can, you can act innocent, be like I didn't realize. Oh that's correct. Deep down there's such deep seated hatred, I know. Yeah, between couples.

When you do something like that'll get them.

Enjoy that mug, piece of shit.

Oh very good. All right, keep coming. Let's move on to some questions. Matt, what have you What have you got for me?

Okay? Question number one is from Ginger says, vasectomy or pill advice on who you think should be responsible for contraception?

Very good. I think it depends on the circumstance. Go on. Well, yeah, there's a couple of things here. In what circumstances?

Say Mary, I think this is in reference to married couples obviously obviously obviously ash those who were no longer wanting to have kids, hence the vasectomy. Yeah. So I think if you're at a position where you are certain that you do not want to have kids anymore, it should be up to the guy.

Yeah, yeah, definitely it was. Look how it happened is like I was a typical man where it's like, no, I'm not doing it, I'm gonna lose my supervower that sort of shit, you know, like dumb shit, immature shit. But then I remember I told the story as well that I got it done trying to get sex right, didn't backtfight completely.

Just remind me, did April say that like, if you don't get it, we won't have sex.

No, I wasn't that. I was trying to impress her. Okay, yeah, it was just because because she she obviously didn't want to go on the pill, because there's obviously side effects to to being on the pill.

With ye, Laura is not on the pill at the moment.

I never was like you better get back on the pill or anything like that, because I think that's disrespectful. All right. I think it should be an open conversation and what works best for you. If April was like, look, I'm happy to go back on the pill, there was no real side effects for me whatever, we would have

I mean, guys have got it pretty fucking good when it comes to all things contraception and childbirth and raising kids.

Yeah, that the least you could do it when you're gettingnuts chopped off when you get So.

What is it like in your mid thirties forties, like your partner for their entire life has been in charge of the contraception.

Yeah, hey, I'll do it. Yeah, carry the load for a little while. Yeah, not literally, but also if she believes me, man I go up as I go up a few points in the singles Game of the fifty year Olds where it's like, have you heard astress out of a sectomy? And he's ready to go.

Let's be honest, you're never leaving April.

No, she will have duel run. Okay, all right, here we go. The other question, this is from Christina. Do you ever fear you aren't being a good enough parent?

I think every parent feels like they're doing in moments, not all the time, feeling like they're not doing enough, Like it's never you're never going to be. There's no such thing as a perfect parent.

This is this different for everyone.

Good you are, those little assholes will make life hell.

They'll figure out a way.

That's what they do. That's what they do, it's what they're good. Are that way out, And like there's always going to be moments where you're exhausted and you've got no patience.

And also whether you question, I think a lot of the time you not in the moment, but maybe in reflection you think, like that was shiit. I know for me, I'm pretty confident in not my parenting, not that it's correct or perfect or the best way to do it. I'm confident, like call, don't you dare, But like I'm pretty confident with my abilities. And they're not great, they're not amazing. They're there where I think they should be, and I'm happy with that. Other people might not be,

What's on it?

Peanut butter whatever, usually just peanut butter. And she was making like a sandwich platter and she wasn't doing it to show off that's stuff she does. And it was like, well, I'm feel like a shit parent. But then I was like, food turns into shit.

So what's the big deal?

What's a big deal?

Do you ever have some moments when you're at the park and it's a bit like sport and that some days you know you just got your eye in and you're on point and you're playing well. And there's other times where like, there are times where I can get on my kids level. I'm playing tea parties, they're enjoying my company. There's other times where like I can't. I find it hard to interact with my kids, Like it's

Or snails are slow? Fact? Fact, do they have the most teeth out of any animal? That's like when that's bullshit?

Do you know what's hanging out?

It's like when they say long legs are the most poisonous spiders just because they can't pierce.

The skin, garbage, you call them Maley a liar. Yes, well I didn't fact check this point. I just put it in there.

She's at a school going Danny said, the name got the most teeth.

Let me even have mouths.

They've got the ugliest eyes, that's for sure.

Mate. A garden snail has about fourteen thousand teeth. Well, some species have up to twenty.

Thousand, blinding dar there you go, but imagine the dental bills.

Ah, so all the kids do a presentation on their topic, right, Laura and I came in. They did the presentation Maley's cardboard. You know it was done by a four year old, right, it was a kid. When Marley went to the corner of the room where all the projects were lined up, there was one. Marley was even like, look at this

It was an adults, it.

Was an adults job. And I was like, Oh, all of a sudden, Maley's project looked a little shit shit. But keeping in mind it's by a four year old, and I was like, oh, I'm a I'm a bad parent.

Let your kid do the project.

Let your kid do the project, all right, But it's not that they're scoring him unless that kid did do the project. And I'm like, damn, that was red hot.

Kid needs to be tested. Yeah, I know what you mean, but I don't really know what you mean because I haven't had to do the presentation yet. Looking forward to it.

Good luck to Oscar when that time comes, you and him both.

Ah, what are we going to do? What are we going to do?

Whatever it will be, it'll be lackluster and and Ash's words, he's okay with that.

Absolutely, I'm fine with that. There's nothing wrong with mediocracy. That's a big word for me.

I do want to say that you may have seen on our socials that we do have. Pre Order is available for the book Two Doting Dads, The Quest for free time. Some are calling it the best kids book ever written. Absolutely, those people are myself an act.

Only two have actually read it.

I can only dream a bit like the hungry caterpillar that generations to carmash. Even at a point where you and I are no longer around, that kids are still reading this book and it's being enjoyed by not just the parents, but the kids as well. That is my dream.

They're going to make it into a movie. Each film, that's what we hope what that will happen.

But it is available for pre order. It doesn't come out until August, but if you want to get your hands on it, you can order it now. There's a link in the bio and the show notes of this episode. We would love your.

Support, absolutely we would. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please.

Or before we go, oh fuck, before we go. This is concerning Oh fuck, what have I done? This is concerning good friend of mine currently pregnant.

Right.

They were talking to the midwife and the husband said, hey, can you recommend any podcasts out there? Parenting podcast? No? Guess what was recommended by the midwife to shut up traded, feel traded?

Please stop what you're doing.

The next generation is absolutely doomed.

I would like to say that we're going to have a hand in that.

If you've been directed here by New South Wales.

Health, turn right around. Get a new midwife.

I don't know who this midwife is.

We need to if she's listening, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. But also no, no no no, no no no no, keep it. I was going to say something else, nice, go on, you're doing a great job.

That feels weird.

I feel dirty saying it. Anyway. I you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a midwife or a friend. Feel free to live a review as well. That'd be great.

We love it.

We get together every Sunday and we read them. So we do We still do that. We still do that.

That's a great feedback on Spotify, We get the odd one on Apple podcast. I love more. I'll be honest.

Jump on, yeah, jump on our socials. Give us a follow sensor DM and I think that's it.

I think that's everything.

That's everything for today.

Congratulations on wearing the Legions hat the entire episode.

My head is itchy. We'll see you guys, okay you Michael Keeper.

Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land