#60 Daddy Needs His "Special Time"

Is it the wind? Is it the wind? The wind going my name?

I have a grape with you real quick, nothing too major, go on. I called you yesterday willing for a rant. Yeah, you didn't call me back to finish the rant. Do you know what it's like singing the tune of a song and then someone going stop and you're not being able to finish it.

You called credit to me. I answered, panting, I was on the treadmill. You didn't even you didn't even question why I was panting. You were just like, what's the deal with what's the deal with married couples who were celebrities? And I was just like, can I call you back? And You're like, you never did give me half an hour of peace. Welcome back to two noting dads.

I am Maddie Jay and I'm disappointed.

This is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, the bad, and the disappointing. Yeah, actually disappointed day and the relatable.

Tell me what the grape was?

A slow news day must have been for the wider community in the news area. Not that I fall within that category, but apparently Nicole Kidman don't get me started, and.

Who are Just for the record, for the record, I dislike we know that if we ever are in the same room together, Nicole and myself, it'll be so awkward.

I'm going to side with her to hear out my gripe. This was my gripe I had. Yesterday the News reported that they have some marriage advice for people after seventeen years of being married. Great, that's not my fucking problem. My problem here is who are they to give advice?

Well, first of all, what's the advice?

I didn't hear the advice because I just got annoyed with it. I got annoyed with it because it's like ask someone who They probably haven't been in the same room for as long as you and Laura have been in the same room, or myself and April have been in the same room, because he's off touring seeing any country pop shit.

Actually I don't mind it music.

And then she's off filming garbage movies. So how you've googled it, haven't you? What's the advice?

Okay, what says here? Because it could be good advice. If this is good advice, then we'll both have to just shut up and never shit on. Nicole Keaban and Keith urban.

Over again, no promises hit him.

I do think before I read the advice. I do think that Look, if you're in a marriage that can survive Hollywood.

You're never in the same room together, which is like, when are you spending any time together? I feel like they need to get advice from fucking Shazar and Dazzer have been together for twenty years, stuck in their fucking fibro house with their.

Fifteen kids, and they're still together.

Okay, let me find out this advice. It is Keith Urban knows the secret to loving somebody like Nicole Kidman seventy marriage. He's at a red carpet. There was a CMT Country Music Awards on the red carpet. He got asked the question what's the secret, and he goes okay. In his defense, he says, if I answer that, it'll come across as advice for other married people.

So he's not giving advice. So I've been fitter news article.

And then he says, I have no advice for anybody.

Well, stomp on my grass. We're good. I've been lied to by a traditional media. How surprising clickbait me.

Anyway, Keith and Nicole, I am sorry too. I would like to apologize for absolutely nothing. He did say something else he said following that, he goes, you guys, I guess he's referring to, like the general public, figure out whatever works for you.

All right, Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. Enough about Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. Should something more important please? That is the beverage which is situated right in front of him.

This is far more superior it is.

It's a stonewod Pacific a cheer. My friend is.

M Barron Bay in a bottle, they say, some say, some don't say that I do.

Some others won't.

I was out on the weekend, Ash. We had a little barbecue, just a lobster barra mundy, oh skin on always. I love a bit of christ you know that Lemon. When people think about me, I want them to know that I like my barrel moundy with crispy skin and also with a side of stone and wood seafood. It's just it's a match made in heaven.

Absolutely. I'm not Bruty Aromas.

I'm not sure if that was the intention making it for me. When I'm having my barrel Monday with the crispy skin.

You know what. I think it might be gone with fish.

What is great with fish is citrus, citrusy after taste, a bit of passion fruit in there, lovely aromas. On top of that, I'm guessing beautifully cooked piece of fish, well said, reminds me of the Pacific Ocean, which is what this bottle is named after, being the Pacific Ale.

You're not just a pretty face, my friend Byron main bottle. I would say cheers, some say hmm, she's my friend.

And thank you Stonewood for making this episode happen as you have been doing with the last few episodes and more episodes in the future.

We wouldn't have it any other way. Can I give you some devastating news?

No?

Yeah, okay.

I had the week with Laura Away.

I do recall she was in Bali, Bali and I got a lot of comments regarding a video that I put on my social media with Lola. It was just something.

It was just what have I missed? It was just something mine and my friends story or real.

Just a story, just a casual little story. And I know you don't really react to my stories anymore, which is a shame. I'm always looking. I just wait, always in person, always waiting, can you see Lola tonight?

What have I missed? It's the fact that Lola's giving me a hug.

Oh I thought she was trying to check you out.

Maybe she was. She's so weak. I'm mistaken that my friend. That's such a loving cuddle.

So many people said, go to see you two, to talk again, and I forgot. I guess over the period of a week slowly, was that like the last day? That was the last day? That was? That was day number seven? And it comes down to the fact that she's only like this when there is no other option.

You were the last resort for survival, saying.

I even think she turned to Buster for a while and was like, can you make me dinner? Can you help me out here?

And no, no, you're missing a legs.

Was like, I'm a dog with three legs.

I can't help you.

And then she was like fine, Oh, I guess, sprit.

Man, and then dude straight back in the blink of an eye, I do feel sorry for you. Eye. How how was the trip for young Laura? Who cares? Okay, who cares? She looks like you want to get something off.

Your chest there, man, No, it was just I was just disappointing. I was trying to tell myself that this would happen. I wanted to manage my own internal expectations. On the fact that I knew Lola I would quickly return back to Laura as soon as she stepped foot back into this house. It wasn't that quick, and it was I would say. It was the morning and she came in and I had Lola on my lap, and she turned around, clocked to Laura, looked at me. She

Times up brutal ran round to Laura.

Well there you go, and like, okay, in the mornings, we like to go and get baby Chino's.

It's great. Yeah, that's what we do, that thing.

It's our routine. And it was it was good daddy daughter time. And then I said, this is when Laura's already back home. I said, hey, does anyone to go get a baby? You know, daddy's gone for a walk. Who wants to come? Any takers? Nah? No?

She said, nah, yeah, because I don't want to come. Are you broke it out of here? Sure? We broke up yesterday. Man, it sucks, so that's it. So did Marley go.

Nah, she didn't want to come with me either, So I'm back to being the weakest link in.

This family exile island. Yeah it sucks, man, it sucks. But it does suck because I had.

To then go away. I was working on the weekend. Oh yes, I was in the Blue Mountains, working hard to try and support this family, put food on the table and make sure the rent is paid.

Yep, slash mortgage. Can you pay my rant? Thanks?

You know. There is one thing that I love in this world more than anything.

My children. Didn't think you were going that way with that. Okay, there's one thing I love even more. Oh yeah, stuff. That's having a weekend away from them.

Oh yeah, it's so good, so good. Just gives you a chance to miss them all. It was just one night, but it was It was pretty good. Great bed, beautiful, and after having the kids come in and wake me up all fucking throughout the night over the course of a week, it was just lovely to get eight hours of just uninterrupted sleep.

Recharge fill your cup.

Thank you, and that does not just you for other parents, for mom's dads to go off and fill your cup.

It's very important.

But then it was it was a shame that I had to go because Laura has been away for a week. Then you know she comes back, and then the moment that she's back, I've got to go to the Blue Mountains. I'm up there for a night, and you know, there's one thing that is missing, has been missing for the last you know, now eight nights.

I believe I know where you are going.

With this pleasure, deep erotic pleasure. It is deep and we've been talking it up. We don't really like sex?

Are you a teenager?

No?

I was just like, well, what did I say? I think I was trying to be I was trying to set the mood. I was like, I can't wait to suck out.

It's gonna be the best thirty seconds of you laugh. No, I think I was like, I kind of what I said. I don't do you know?

Do you You don't write?

You don't say that I'm an adult, bro, I just send the pictures of my dick.

No, I definitely don't do any of that. Yeah, you don't.

How do you plant this seed with April?

No vine text? That's what Joe?

What do you do? How do you make it known that today maybe the day.

It could come different in different ways. I would say, like, Okay. For example, for example, this weekend, h what do you got? We were finishing bath and stuff from putting kids to bed.

It's part of the routine. And I had already gone out and picked up dinner and I brang it back. You have we got?

So we just got some pizzas, something really nice and cool. We just both felt like pizza summer, which is rare. We both felt like the same thing. It's not the only thing we both felt like.

Anyway.

So I was like April actually eight before we did bath, and I was like, man, I just want to enjoy it without the kids going give me some and then having a bite or something and then it's throwing in the beginning.

But we all know how you get after having a meal sleepy. Yeah, they really lestargic.

And I had also picked up there's like a little confectiony shop next to this pizza shop that has all the American chocolates and candy and whatever they call it. And I was like oh, I grab something different for after It's Sunday night, so I went and got that. Sorry, I just had a thought that it was nothing to do with that. Nothing, it was something.

It was like I was going to say body chocolate, but.

That's where I thought this is going.

No, no, no, no no.

She got something that's like like that. We would never usually have butt plug. Sorry, how did you know a chocolate butt plug? And I was child and we were finishing the BATHROOMT ten and I said to April, I'm going to go have dinner and then I said I was.

I also got like a special treat for us after you And she was like, oh, cock fuck? What is it?

Ash?

And I said, yeah, it's a cockmeat sandwich.

I said, I got something special for after dinner for us, like, you know, if we're watching a movie or whatever.

Stop pulling sexually sexual.

Imo Like, no, this is great. I feel like I'm in the room with you guys.

I would hope not, which I love. Continue they're killing me here, okay.

Anyway, she was like, oh, I thought I thought we could have another type of a special treat.

Oh my god, April's going to kill me for this. I yeah, yeah, yeah, then what happened. She's gonna kill me for this, PI.

Cares, and I was like, sorry, rephrase that, April. We do care about the way that you feel about certain stories being told. But this is very important because I need to learn, because I don't know what I'm doing in this department.

Through I continued.

I went downstairs, I got my dinner ready, sat in front of the TV, took one look at it and thought, if I eat all this, I'm going to be useless to everybody.

So I packed the dinner back up, put it away.

I walked back upstairs and I poked my head in the room and it was finishing putting kids sleep, and I said, I'm gonna eat later, and I ate later. Let's put it that way. Wow, And that's how you do it. That's exactly how you do it.

Sacrifices, Matt, My pizzare very cold.

Sacrifice is an interesting word, because that was something I wasn't willing to make. Laura was in Wollongong, I was in the Blue Mountains. We got back at a similar time, but the kids to bed. We had dinner. Okay, we ate. Laura, as she often does, gets a bit of work done after the kids are in bed, and she's been very busy, which is all the time standard. But she was working. I was starting to get a little bit tired. Let's

I think it was about five point thirty.

I said to Laura it was four point thirty, because all good stories need a little bit of embellishment.

Yeah.

But it then got to nine o'clock, it got to nine thirty, it got to ten o'clock. Laura's at the kitchen table working. I'm still watching TV on the couch. I'm just scrolling through.

A new time. Well, you were biding new you know.

I was like, all of a sudden, I wasn't just sitting on the couch. I was getting horizontal. I was, you know, I was falling deeper and deeper into the couch. I was getting very tired. I was a tired boy.

Yeah, that's fine, Ash.

And so then Laura finally finishes work. It's ten thirty.

I'll go to sleep for hours. Let's go.

Yeah, Well you go to bed at six thirty.

So I've had sex, eaten and then gone to bed.

I know, I'm far behind, miles behind young I think I even text you the series of events, and I was and that's what got me frustrated. Oh sorry, I was like no, no, I I was like, I'm jealous.

Look at this guy and say by ten thirty.

And I also just want to say that Laura told the story on her podcast, so I'm just telling my version of events, okay, just to defend myself, that's fair. As we got into bed, I was kind of like I was a little bit short because I was like, I'm going to I'm going.

To and you're six one and a half and that must be tough.

Thank you. And so then coming into bed and then Laura goes give me a cuddle, and I was like, I don't want to.

Cut oh the balls on this guy.

Because I know what. I knew that I had to be strong. You know how people are making a protest and they don't eat for like a number.

Of days for a serious matter.

Like Gandhi, Like didn't it for a while.

I think it was a little bit more serious.

That's but I was tapping into that level of determination. I was like, wait for Gandhi, I won't break. Yeah, I was like, I did as Gandhi did, didn't break. So I was like, I'm not going to cuddle Laura because I know what she's trying to do here. Cuddling is the gateway to sex.

Yeah, we all know that, So hang on.

You didn't want to suck it up like a big boy and have a cuddle to get the ultimate reward.

I was tired.

I was tired, man, I gave up food. Think about that.

Yeah, I hear.

That's something that exists. It's a physical thing. Yours is stubbornness doesn't physically exist.

So I opted out. I said, you opted out. I said you can cuddle me if you want.

I said you can. You're more than welcome to.

Cuddle and and she was like, well, I'm not going to cuddle you. And so then she was like it's good to be back, and I was like, yeah, it's great that you're back. So you and she was like, don't worry about it. I said, I'm not you sick. And then she went to one side of the bed. I went to the other. And then I know, I know that Laura cannot sleep until the argument is resolved with an apology. Doesn't have to be from like both, but just like one person has to apologize. And again

And you said, I said, no, bro, I'm good a And that's it. That's how it ended.

I can Okay. So I just want to say, in my defense, I felt like work was prioritized over the cuddling time. Okay, that's a fair point, and I understand that work is important. In my mind, it was after not being together for that long, I felt like I should have I should have trumped the work, which I did.

Look, I think your points valid, but also.

You don't, yeah, because I like, again, we started this off very childishly with the sex thing comin. Guys, you're adults, you're fully grown.

That's the first problem.

It's the first problem.

And then you've sulked about it and instead of just doing the maturer thing about it, which is saying, hey, Laura, I feel like right now, you are prioritizing work over relationship time together with each other, reconnecting, have that mature conversation, and so do you mind if you finish work, we can maybe have a chat, maybe have a drink, maybe have a maybe have a cuddle, maybe have a laid down, maybe have a kiss.

Good night. Sorry, usually I'm the childish one. Usually I'm the hurt I'm.

Being I'm taking the high road here with this one, because I think you could have resolved that.

You know, they like they say, don't go to bed.

Angry, go to bed furious if you're going to do anything, make it real bad. But no, you have the opportunity to sack up.

But also your point is very valid.

You felt like she was prioritizing work over you, So that's a fair feeling, yes, but also might have been a good opportunity to say that, resolve it. Think how the good sex would have been after that.

I did you know what? Okay?

There was a thought after we resolved the argument, and we kind of we both kind of said what you were saying. Essentially, communication is always the most important part. Very well explained.

Thank you. I appreciate that I'm here and you're also bang on.

When I did think, I was like, you know what would be really great right now?

Is it a bit of makeup sex.

Yeah, but you've got to have the you've got to hush hush it out and actually come to a conclusion to have the makeup.

But you got to skip everything the Gandhi and me was still being like, you know, I didn't want to I don't want to break. But we're back. We're back, We're good. The next night I was worried. The next night we sorted it out, sort of. If you know what I'm saying, I do know what you're saying.

We cleaned the garden. What if no one has said clean cleaned the garden?

We did some nice so you trimmed the pubes? All right, come on, you glad you're back.

Let me just say the garden didn't have any weeds in it.

I would fucking hope not.

If you're picking up I think, Laura, if you're listening, you have too many plants in this house. It's starting to use plants and gardening as sexual analogies, and I'm not liking it.

I'm uncomfortable. The hedges were fertilized trimmed, fertilized.

So you're telling me, Actually, I know what you're telling me, and I won't say it. I want to show you something really quick actually because it did happen a couple of episodes ago, and we did get a lot of people reach out about gender disappointment.

That video that you did did a breen job of doing that.

You mentioned in there though about if you were to have another kid you would have a gender reveal and how you would do it in a commodore. We have to get a commodore. Should we get like a real sick old commodore, like.

Yeah, like a like a late nineties commodore, like a ve or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I just want like billowing smoke pink or someone's one up ja Yeah big time?

What have they done? Also great to have inspiration if we do.

Have a third kid.

You do probably have the budget for this. Three fighter jets flying over for a gender reveal.

I got fucking goosebumps.

That is the sickest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

You got a budget for that, We'll find it. We'll find the budget, my god.

Three fucking fighter jets, three fighter jets, and it was a boy.

It was a boy.

That is amazing.

That's a lot of productions.

Even just looking at.

The balloon wall that wish.

They had, like, that's that's got to be like one hundred cago.

I can't hold that blue wall. That's fucking out of control.

I still impressive as that is. I just think the co was much better.

Yeah, do heaps less, get a commodore.

But also if there's any other ideas for gender reveals, please please send them, send them in. We'd love to see them. I'm over to any suggestions. I'm not locked into the colodoor.

And we don't have to have video evidence. If you've just got something on your mind and you thought.

Do you know what would be fucking great? Send it to Hello at two Doting Dads dot com. Any ideas, because if Matt and Laura decide they are going to have another child, we will make one of those ideas happen.

Do you know what is a nice touch? Which high risk, but I think it's worth it if you can do it properly. Is when you have I normally that the female will have I don't know what it's made out of.

It as a ball.

The mom this man crack him up so much, he's not going to have all the equipment in the room.

Oh man, sorry about that, but please.

It sounded like a documentary female. I don't know what.

It's made out of, like a ceramic, like a ball. She'll lop it up and then the guy will then with a baseball smash it and then I quite like the thought of that.

That's a good one, thank you.

My cousins had a golf ball and he hit the golf ball and the golf all exploded. Yeah, exploded into a golfer. I think he does a little bit of golf. I don't think it's I think it's his main sport. Surely we can come up with something that has never been done. Surely, surely we'll have a think about it.

That it would be nice to have something aerial is a nice touch. Yeah, skydiver maybe like a skydiver and they have you know, like at the NRL Grand Final they have they parachute into the stable with the ball and they have like a big flag like attached to them and.

A big fan and then they fly off again.

Yeah, like if it came in like behind the skydiver was like a big flag of like a boy anyway, just an idea again, can't wait this. None of this has been vetoed by Laura. She doesn't ever say it, but I think she's had it her way the first two times. She doesn't say it's time that I took charge. Put your foot down?

Thank you? What do I do want to talk about?

And I'm very proud of this, but a proud moment for a dad because for my whole life, Matthew, I have supported a particular football team by the name of the Manly Sea Eagles. Okay, I do have a son. Not wouldn't matter if it was a daughter.

I do have a daughter. Do there you go news to me?

But Oscar is at the age now where I watch football at home and he's like, oh, football is on and he's noticing it. He's also going to be playing like a form of rugby union this year. Just because of his age under fibes, I decided to take him to his first football game live.

I joked about it being a taste of disappointment early on.

For the last how many years, thirteen years, I've been very disappointed because Manly hasn't won the premiership and it's been really tough, lots of controversies, lots of coaches, lots of players coming and going, except for one who's still there who's breaking records. But it was David Cherry Evan's three hundred and tenth game and it was against the reigning Premiers Panthers.

Now I know a lot of people that are like, fuck, I don't really give a shit about football. It's not the point. So just hang in there for this story.

Can I just also highlight that three hundred and ten games, that's the record for Manly. Yeah, most games played, so big occasion, very big deal, very big deal.

But I took your advice.

One of the thought, let's get into this game, getting used to the disappointment that backfiright because they won. We went with another friend and his kid who's been before, so he knew what to expect. Same age, a little bit younger than Oscar. But you know, we sat in that weaseled my way to the friends and family area.

How do you do that?

Never? You mind? And well right at the front is great because and there's the.

The All the players come up past there because their families are there.

So Oscar's like, what the fuck's going on here and then.

They have two eagle mascots they come up and take photos of the kids. It was brilliant and I was sitting there with him thinking, holy shit, this is why you do it.

Yeah.

This was a moment where it's like this why core core call memory? Hard call memory. And I was like, you know, trying to you know, because you know.

What toddlers are like of that age.

Well, kids at that age like four and a half, they get distracted really easy. As soon as the fireworks went off, by the way, daytime fireworks, it's good. The noise, bit of fire, bit of smoke. He was like, holy fuck, yeah, when are the fireworks coming back?

And I'm like, whenever we score, there's gonna be fire. Did they put fireworks at the start? Yeah?

Oh yeah, it was like five o'clock.

Yeah, And they're like they're kind of like smoke works. There's no fire involved.

Interesting call from at a home game. Blew the whole budget.

He was following along with the score because he can read numbers now, can't count that high. So when Manly started to really flog them and he's like what number is that, I was like, that's right, son, it's high it's up.

You know, Manly's doing well when I can't even read the score.

I did say to him early on, I said, it's Manly versus the Panthers, very specifically, but because we beat them so badly, he started calling them the pandas.

Yes, love that and take that.

Yeah, take that. So you know, Daddy had a few beers because I was excited.

Did it make it more special? Like it's a big game to win against, a huge game to win. Yeah, like core memories for Oscar. But to me, that's that's pretty He's.

Never going to another game again, so he can hold his perfect record.

But it must be pretty I don't want to sound corny here, but it must pretty magical as.

It was awesome honestly, one of the highlights of my parenting career. Wow, So me and Cherry had big days that day. Oscar got to meet daily Cherry Evans.

It was brilliant. And then you.

Know, making the way out of the fortress and it was like, fuck, what a successful afternoon is?

Anything you do differently?

No, I think get there early with them. They love it.

Honestly, we got there pretty early because there's like a New South Wales game before like that's how we got into that. We just walked into this section, got a wristband and then we're in there. But like right at the front, kids are a lot of As soon as any player walk past, you know they're giving them away, and which is a credit to the NRL, both teams Penrith, Pandas and Manly. Anytime that a sub would walk past and there was all these kids in the area.

I was they were The players were like hey, like it.

Was great, misimagining all the kids there and you're there like wedged in between them, like HET's me.

But it was great, and I just wanted to highlight that it was very, very one of my favorite parenting moments.

I think that is beautiful.

Yet to take Marley to any kind I took it to a cricket match when she was two. Didn't like it, as you can appreciate.

It's just like, do you don't like pointing out players? That's it. That's it. And she was the lab of Shane.

But I cannot wait.

Oh. I was really.

Apprehensive at first because you know, he is only four and a half, well nearly five actually in a couple of months. But like they're so easily distracted. They get so easily bored with him.

Yeah, I mean, I mean probably three or four movies with the kids a couple of times loved it. It's that the way through, start to finish. A couple of times after that five minutes and they're like, well I'm done. Yeah, I'm sit down any longer. And you know, I imagine, I can imagine if imagine if like halftime, you know, game was on the line, Manly is winning, an Oscar's like, I want to go home.

Too bad. He didn't even mention that he wanted to go home, which I was shocked.

Well, congratulations, not just to Manly but to you as dad.

As a sports fan. It's a milestone. Winds are around for dad.

It's easy to forget just how much of an impact that is on Oscar's little life. Yeah, obviously it's a core memory for you as a parent, being like, hey, this is one of the highlights. I still remember. My mum took me to my very first game, Yeah, to Bristin Broncos. It was Petro seven receiver's first game. I remember, it's weird. I remember it was aynz Ed Stadium and it was me and my mom and I don't know

So yeah, I think it's easy to forget that.

Oscar is going to remember that for the rest of his life.

Oh absolutely.

There's like when I was a kid too, Like I remember going to brook Vale Oval, you know, as as at a similar age.

It's like wild.

I vividly remember going to a Sydney King's game when I was a few years older than that. And the only reason I vividly remember that is that we were in a photo in the paper, me, my sister and the Big Lions.

And the only reason I remember it is my sister's fly was down, so cool memory.

Yeah, and look, honestly, we'll go again as much as we can.

We have to bring Marley lungs each other, do it.

Do it in a friendship kind of waymon take because he hopes me. Also, speaking of football, Ko has got you covered this footy season with every game of every round live and add break free during.

Play ash can I just really quickly give a shout out to Brisbane Broncos. They will be playing the Raiders on Saturday. Gosh, it's a big game. What would you do if Manly and Brisbane are in the finals together, We'd have to sit on different sides of the stadium.

I'd be torn. The way that you guys gave up the win last year. I'm not worried. What else have they got? Man Well?

The Formula One Grand Prix that is on the Chinese Grand Prix. It is a type battle in the Constructors Championship, with only twenty one points separating Red Bull and Ferrari. Can Ferrari get both cars back onto the podium in China? Don't miss any of the action live and four K lights out at five pm Eastern Standard Time on Sunday.

Matt In Boxing Nikita Zoo is taking on Danilo Creti. There's five title fights on one night. Australian boxing star In Nikita returns to the ring for the first time this year to defend his title against Danillo Creti on Wednesday, the twenty fourth of April from seven pm. Order now with main event on KO Sports Now. Fun fact I will be there just let you know. So if you do see me there and you listen to this, come over say hi, and I will also capable.

Also, if you're watching the fight and you see Ash on screen, tag me yeah, big wave, big wag wave and film it.

Film it.

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I want to just run a scenario by you and if it's ever happened to you and the circumstance in which had happened to me. So on Thursdays, as you know, I have Macy on Thursdays, but because Oscar.

Finishes candy, it like three point thirty on Thursday.

What I'll usually do in April's working from home instead of bringing them both home, and it'd be chaos for to try and wrap up her week because it's her last day of the week. I usually pick them up, and I go to there's a shopping center with a Baker's Delight. But across from that is a park right next to where we can park the car. So we get out, go get something from the Bakers, like, come back to this park.

Now.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, A bit of a strange one got out of the car, went and got.

The Baxers, like, come back to the park gated.

It's like a gated community, but the car spots are right up against the gate.

So I walk in with the kids. Bakers are like they're.

Running around blah blah blah blah blah, and I've gone, oh shit, left my phone in the car.

Okay, what am I going to do in the park? You know? And I was like, I better just go get my phone.

I can still see them, right I go out the gate, cars right there, and I come back.

There's some people in the park still as well. It's not like a park in the middle of the.

Roughly just give me a distance from the gate of the park ten meters, okay.

Is that I don't take I can't. I can't lose sight of them whatsoever. That's not the issue. The issue is I've walked back into a park, so people have walked into the park while I wasn't in the park. Now picture this, I've walked into a park with no kids with a phone and just walked my way into a park to a dark and dingy corner of the park to be on my own. The people that have come into the park while I wasn't, I've probably now a shit that this guy just walked into a park.

What they say?

They walked up to me. I'm standing there on my phone, not filming the kids. It kind of might have looked like I was filming kids, and she walks.

Up to me. She was like, do you do you have any kids in the park. I was like classic me style. I thought I'd just fuck with her a bit.

I was like, no, the fuck is and then Oscar's run over and grabbed told.

Him and her face.

She was so embarrassed, To be fair, but I just fucked with her a little bit more.

I just was like, like he used here, and then I started to you know what my personality having a bit of a laugh with her, and moved on. But has it like Honestly, I am not a predator.

Looks can be to see it, But at that moment I felt what a predator would have felt, and I didn't like it.

I did not like it. But just the circumstance in which that happened to me, that's that's fucking that's put on her.

For coming up to be like yeah, because it's kind of like, I get what they would have seen. They would have seen fully grown cut man covered in tattoos, walk in mustache hat on.

No, no, no, no, wait wait wait wait wait wait.

I think it's a bit much.

To do that. She's looking at for the kids.

She's looking at for the kids. Yeah, but I think you're not doing anything which is which is warranting of someone kind of like pulling you up.

No, the only thing that I could think of was that I had no pants on. No I was.

I you know, I just gingerly walked in and walking around with my phone to like a corner of the.

Kids park and just stood us. I probably did in the moment. I don't think you do. It just looks suss enough for someone who walking What were you doing?

I was walking like Randall from Monsters, Inc. Okay, a little bit skeevy. And did she apologize, Yeah, profusely.

She was very embarrassed. I was like, good on you, which was wrong of me. No, I think I couldn't help myself.

I think you react in the same way.

I'm sorry.

I had to go through that a few times. I don't want to say this, but a few times. And we've been like together, and like I've gone to the bathroom and I've come back, and you've been with Marley. People have said do you know this guy? And I said, I said, yeah, he's a friend of mine. Okay, wearing any pants, no pants, and he's got a.

Mustache full brain. You just got that kind of like get that look about you that you're up to no good. I'm skiving.

Let's not bring up your criminal record.

No, let's not do that anyway. Obviously it's never happened to you, or has it. You did try and coax some kids back to your house.

That was one time there was anyone Anyone doesn't know they're trying to sell candy.

I didn't have cash cash back at my house. Let's not go into it.

That's I've not had that happen to me, not yet, not yet anyway, good to hear.

Not yet. Let's go into my favorite segment, meltdowns. Yes, it's a.

Fun Can I tell you a quick meltdown this morning at the moment it's a little bit colder in Sydney right now, winter is creeping in. Kids are into porridge and made porridge this morning. Marley, big fan of porridge, big porridge girl loves it. And she looked at it started bawling her eyes out and I was like, what's wrong. She goes, it's got milk in it. Like that's the whole fucking point of porridge porridges unless you're a freak like my mom and she has water.

Actually, I have done it for desperate times. I asked her how to melt down similar sort of situation where he wanted usually in yogurt, and I put it in a pink bowl instead of any other color bowl and it would ended up on the floor.

Man, okay, picture of this, Matt.

I have gone to Kmart Okay, quite a big shop as we know there there's all sorts of things for people.

Who aren't familiar with Kmart. They sell many goods from home weares to sporting.

Goods, probably by the brand name of.

Ancho fucking great brand.

Anyway, there's lots of stuff in there, and you think in a meltdown segment about kids that a kid might be melting.

Down a toy. Not in this case.

Go on, I am in the kitchen section and I hear this kid.

I date it, and I immediately thought toy. I really thought toy.

And anyway, I've heard it a few times with this kid not being either stopped or removed or whatever.

This kid's having a food meltdown.

I need it, I need it, screaming very loud, one of those loud kids. You know, I do feel sorry for that household because that child is loud as fuck. And I pop around the corner and see all these people like looking, and I'm like, what's going on here? This kid has clung onto a trolley, like you know how Tolally got this tiny little bars and you can wrap your fingers around here.

And really get a good grip. He's got a good grip of this trolley and it's shaken it like this, like fucking giving it a good old fucking go, and he's gone, I need it. I need it, like kicking and screaming.

Anyway, the parent didn't do anything about it pretty much and just let.

It play out.

And I was like, I'm going to completely ignore this as much as I can, as much as I wanted to stand and watch, I was like, this would be over in a moment.

I finished my shopping.

I'm in the checkout line, which is no cas in the middle. This guy's at the front door having this meltdown. Ten minutes it had been ten whole minutes that this kid screamed and screamed his head off.

I can hear your frustration directed towards the mum a little bit.

Yeah, but I think you can't.

Okay, I'll take that back.

I'm not going to judge the mum because that's not very fair, correct And I agree with that.

Why didn't anyone remove the child from the situation? It would look straw music for everybody.

But then how about this? What about if that mum needs to do a bloody shopping at kmart, So for her to like leave Camart is going to be a huge meltdown. She's going to come back into Kmar.

There's nothing critical at Camar you need. How do you know that she named one critical item in Cama that you would need microwave. Damn, it will die in the house unless you get a microbe. Okay, I get what you're saying.

She could be at her wits end, and she could be at the point of having a menty bee.

Meanty be away baby.

But then she could just be like, you know, I just don't have the energy to even try and attack this little meltdown because the kid might be dealing with something that's fair.

Usually meltdowns are really funny mat That's what I'm getting at, but this one was a little bit.

You should have gone over, given her a hug and said it's gonna be I just got a.

Question about being a predator, and I'm hugging random women.

We're wearing pants, right, No, I just wanted to highlight it because it's been on my mind.

I feel sorry for the mum.

The grandmother was also there, I think, but I do feel sorry for them because you don't know what they're going through. And I don't want to sit here and judge people, because that sucks. I would hate if someone judged me. But also, shut that fucking kid up.

My kids have a meltdown. I find the best thing is and this is not me giving advice. This is just me explaining to judgmental parents like yourself, we go on a kmart and fucking throw shade at other people who are having identfull time. I have said finished, the quickest she reaches her peak, the quickest you'll come back down.

Do you think that's what this parent was? I think so. I think she don't know.

She was probably like, why is Billy taking ten minutes with this meltdown?

This is not normal. I didn't know. I didn't know that was a thing. See ignorance, But also shut your kid up a little bit.

Like if it was me, I'm not that my my method is right, I would just go We could always come back to kmar. I could always come back in some instance or circumstance. I can always find my way back to come Do you know why? Because the sign is just huge and I know where it is. But if he's there having a complete crazy meltdown.

What about if she took the bar it took four buses to get to kmart, and I'm like, did that ever end to your mind? Maybe she took her like three hours to get the kmart and she needed the microwave?

How poor are you so you need to get a bus. She could be homeless. I'm not going down that way again, because let's move on.

If you wanted to successfully make me feel bad, you've done it, so thank you.

As she did time for questions. Also just wanted to reiterate that we would love to have any of your questions admitted. You can do it two ways. One is via our instagram at two Doting Dads against in a DM, or you can email us.

At hello at two Doting Dads dot com.

The first question is Ash, what do you wish you were better at as a parent?

Oh? Good question, I think for me and I actually tried to practice.

This on the weekend. Okay, bear with me.

When you do go to the park with your kidders, just say it's a Sunday morning, which it was a Sunday morning, Like, okay, this morning, you got to get these kids out of the house. You've got to get them down in the park, burn some energy so they can go home have lunch. Then we've got to pretty much do the same thing again because they just recoep their energy so quickly. But I often find myself going to the park and with my phone in my pocket

There playing with the kid and he's on his phone.

And I was like, yeah, I leave my phone in the car, you know, I just find that like.

Kids get away.

And then I just said to April after they left, I'm like, I'm just gonna get my phone out of the garden.

So I wish I was better.

At sticking to separating that. Look, parks are boring. Fuck they're boring.

I hate it.

But I have noticed the times that I've done something similar like that, Like I was on the zip line, I was helping Oscar.

There was other kids on the zip line too, I was wearing pants.

Thank you for clarifying.

And it just felt like it was a more fun environment.

Dude, I'm one hundred percent the same. I it's so freaking easy to get distracted, especially weekends. I'm pretty good, like I can focus with the kids, but like during the week kids come home, it's like five point thirty, there's a little bit of the little gap before you start having dinner.

And they were all ratty from kindom, and yeah, they're.

All tired, and but a few times Miley's wanted to play and I'm just like, oh, just needs a rat and then like, hey, sometimes that's fine, but I've been I've been a bit shit.

The last we can it's easy done. Yeah, I'm in this.

Bad routine of just like and even having dinner on my phone, getting the bath and then I know, you know, give a few minutes in the bar before I start go through a routine of like washing them and brushing the teeth and just on my phone again. And I'm like, dude, I've got like arthritis in my thumb. Yeah, scrolling too much. It's a real bloody problem. But it's so nice. Someone said to me, it's just trying to do ten minutes ten minutes of like kids are your attention, not on

Oh yeah, yeah. And look, I did.

An hour at the Park of Self Righteousness, which that's katty impressive for an hour.

Lady was talking to a mate.

Was Oscar like, can you just back off? Leave me alone? And also, in light of the disagreement with Laura, I'd be better at better communication with my wife. Yeah, that's what I need to get on that one. Yeah, that's one thing an idiot, no phone and communicator.

Taking aside Laura that one. Thank you, but also your feelings are valid. Thank you, thank you what I did there. Your question, My question is it's from erin. Do you guys actually not care.

What our bodies look like after kids? That's all we've got time?

I think. I think when I was I was ready for the fact that Laura's body was going to go through a hell of a lot of change trauma too, Yeah, because of pregnancy and then childbirth. I think for me, the biggest deterrent from having sex with Laura was the fact that I was so afraid that it was going to be painful for her.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I can't remember how long we waited. I think it was a day or two. I'm joking, not a joke, joking. Put the pitchforks down, A joking, madam.

I can't remember. Okay, So when Marley was born, Laura had an episiotomy. And for any guys that are listening who don't know what that is, it means you need to have a cut made during childbirth, which is stitched up. And where is the cut cut is downstairs. So Laura had to go through that with the birth of Marley. Very traumatic and I can't remember how long it was, but I remember Laura was like, hey, I'm now ready to have sex again. And I was like, I was like,

I don't think I think it took a few turns.

I was really worried. I was like, yeah, this is we don't have to do this. That was my biggest qualm in my head.

I wasn't worried about I wasn't worried about baby.

Wait, I wasn't like, hey, it's been a couple of months now that baby waits hanging around.

Are we're gonna sort that out? Remembers you Merry Christmas?

Oh, there'd be they'd be dudes out there like that. Yeah, and if they are, fuck you dudes, block us. No, actually we need the listeners.

Yeah, it's April had.

Obviously two c sections, so the first one was it's like going major surgery. So there's like she pushed for so long, which also traumatized the vagina area.

And then also had to be cut open.

So it was like my main priority was obviously her recovering from a major surgery, and sexual organs were not like hurry up.

And when I hear.

About guys who are like, hey, work, when are we gonna Like when are we?

When are we going to do this?

Get back on the sex train, Like you're just a boy bro. Yeah, you know a man who's who's educating these young men.

It's fuck day. It's funck day when you hear shit like that. But people are like, I think it's not about you, bro.

Jerk off.

For a couple more monthsly, the only person who was putting pressure on Laura to get back into the gym to start exercising again. Was herself like she kind of wanted to. You know, it's hard to exercise when you're eight months with any time of pregnancy, and then even then after birth. She was kind of like, I want to, I want to feel good again.

And it's not just physically too mentally.

April was like a big thing about out of the gym and wanted to get back in the gym as soon as she could. Wasn't physically for a physical health, that was for a mental health.

Yeah. So again, it's not about us, and I don't give a didn't give a shit about what weight she would put on or whatever after it was whether she was feeling okay, that's my answer. Yeah, I'm the same.

I think anyone who was putting pressure on their partner to try and return the body back to pre baby shape, get real.

It's an absolute dick.

Get real loser, and then our way, we'll knock them out. We'll do a very bad wow, bigger than us.

Then.

No, if they're under five foot seven, send them, we'll set them out. Anyone who was six foot no, no, no, no, no no.

Anyone over six foot one and a half, well Matthew, we can finally reveal something we've been working on for days now.

It's been countless days and sleepless nights.

Well, it's been a labor of love.

You'd call it very much, so I would agree.

And the deal has been done.

It has.

We've been mulling over this deal with Penguin Books for a long time.

And when publishing, to be specific, has been done.

It wasn't easy. Actually, we were like, look, whatever you're from the.

Table, will take it.

The book, the book we are writing, Two Doting Dads, The Quest for Free Time, arguably a book which will break all sorts.

Of sorts of unofficial records.

It is available for pre sale purchase.

Yes, there is a link in ours, so there's a link in the show notes for this.

That's correct.

Also on both of our socials and the Two Doting Dads.

And if you'd love to see the cover please, I thought you'd never ask, head to our socials. It is there, we posted on Sunday.

But the story is heartfelt, humorous, convention. We've got it all.

We thought, we thought, what's going to make this book great by putting in as many genres as possible, But head.

On over the socials. Check out the cover. I'm looking at it now. It's amazing. And if you are wondering, well, what's the story about, look find out, but I will tell you. We will reveal the story to you.

Guys. We wanted to write a book that not only would the kids enjoy, but parents would enjoy.

It as well and then relate to us.

We all know that it's like the last piece of the child puzzle of your day. And it's bloody hard, especially harder if you've got a ship book to read.

And let's be honest, but a lot of them are shit, some of them.

Some of them I read them. I'm like this, it's a Disney book. Disrespect Disney, but it's a pile of crap. If we thought of Disney can do it, we can do it as well. So it's about Ash and myself. We're trying to meet up, trying to escape the kids. Said, the problem is kids getting.

Away absolutely.

Disaster.

Yeah, and look, we don't want to actually get away for good, just so that we can fill our cups and get together and bitch about them.

Well said two doting dads. The Quest for free Time. We hope you enjoy it.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please please please close, give a little review, share it with someone who needs a little bit of a laugh.

Oh not, don't say that.

Don't.

Don't give them the option to back out.

Be like do it?

Do that.

I'd be like, I will do it and then you're like, oh no.

And they'll be like.

I just love to give people options. Don't give them the option not to send it over. Also, any other suggestions for guests, we would love to hear them. And if you would like to subscribe, do whatever you have to do on the platforms that listen to us to make sure that.

We're locked in.

We're not going anywhere. We would appreciate that especially. We would appreciate a review and any comments.

On our podcast and follow on the Instagram. Why not follow as well?

Jam Okay, now we're getting barking out too many orders. We'll see you guys next week for a year later.

Two.

Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.