#55 BONUS Three Doting Dads and One Doting Mum feat. The Buckleys

You know how you got done with the salmon today.

I did get done with the salmon before.

I came here for this record. Had a salmon Hi salmon, and I opened the lid off the takeaway container and I was like, oh, that's very fishy. And then I was like I was just eating it. I was like, well, I'm starving, I've got I've got to eat this before i come for the record. And Laura, who was in the other end of the room, she was like, what the fuck is that salmon? Will be the undoing of this show. Hey, welcome, you're listening to us. It's because

Yeah, and we have really really special guests excited about this one.

They go by the Buckley's. One is James Buckler and the other is Claire.

You may know James Buckley is as Jay from The in Betweeners. And she told me you'd watched this series about.

Three hundred times. I still have it on DVD.

So are you like a little bit This is like meeting Michael Jackson Jason.

Well, during this whole chat, I had an erection. Yeah, they're lucky. You're lucky. We're all lucky. But they also have a YouTube.

As well as a podcast called In Sickness and in Health. Claire is a very.

Skilled YouTuber and podcaster.

And they've been together for a long time. They're only young about our age, but they've been together for about fourteen years. They've got two boys, both of whom are quite old. They're like almost teenagers now. So it was great to speak to two parents who are our age, but much further down the line of their parenting journey.

And their parenting style seemed very relaxed.

Very children most two chill anyway, enjoy Welcome.

To three doting dads and one doting mum. I am Maddie, Jay, I'm.

Ash, I'm James, and I'm Claire.

This is a podcast all about parenting.

It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.

And if you've come wanting any type of advice, I have to tell you right now. I'm going to stop you in your tracks and say, unfortunately, today we don't give any None will be given. Maybe the Buckleys will have some advice for us. They have got slightly older kids than what we have, Matt, So we've come here. James and Claire, wanting to get some advice from yourselves, because Ash and I we both have two kids, each similar ages about five and three ish two ish three

You've come to the right place. Yeah. Absolutely, I've got all the secrets. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Before we go into your kids. I do want to know. I like a love story, and i'd like to see if you can cast your memories back to when you first met. Was it like thirteen or fourteen, fifteen years ago?

Maybe fourteen years fourteen?

Yeah, yeah, fourteen years flown by the two of you locked eyes in the room. Do you remember Was it love at first sight?

Pretty much was? Yeah. I would have said I don't like really going or mushy and stuff, but it was. It was pretty much. Well obviously, you know. First of all, I was like, good golly, that's an attractive lady. My lord, let's go and talk to her. And then we started talking, and about two minutes into the conversation, we'd start talking about music and the Beatles, and I was like, all right, well, I'm just in love with you now, that's it.

What about you? Claire? It was it love? At first sight when you saw James.

Yeah, I heard there's something you really loved about his hair.

I do I love it, I mean not today.

Yeah, I'm getting told off because listen, no offense, guys. But I couldn't be bothered to have a shower. I've got to have one tomorrow. I don't like to shower too much, too much. Heart.

No, it's not good for the skin.

It's not my skin. So I just stuck a little wooly hat on. And you're a bit angry about it.

I think he looks fain.

I thought you've really dudged yourself out for this.

Thank you cheers guys.

When you guys had your first conversation, was was it then in there that you said, hey, can we do this again? Can we see each other once more?

It was pretty instant that we were about like, okay, I guess this is it then, and we were like, yeah, I guess. So we very quickly talked about We.

Met in a different town to where we both live, so we were both like away, we were both out away, and I was like, well, I'm going to go home now, do you want to just come home with me? All the way and it was like miles and miles away. It was a couple of hundred miles away.

Whereabouts were you?

We were in Liverpool and England and James.

What is it so southeast?

Yeah, and obviously I'm from Scotland. So yeah, rather than going back up, I went I went back down with Gems and that was that.

It took everything in me to not do it, but I went back down. Joke.

Yeah, honestly it was trust me. I had to hold my tongue on that too.

That's why I said back down. Yeah, because I nearly said I went down with you.

I'm sweating a little bit.

It was probably sorry, do you swear on this?

Yeah?

You Australian Claire, don't you worry?

Okay?

Good? Fuck, my.

Very good, very good. The listeners will be like, don't know if that was ash or do you remember how soon it was that you started talking about the idea of having kids.

Yeah, pretty much straight away.

Yeah, it wasn't in the car ride.

Well pretty much because listen, even though I know that sounds a bit weird. It was more that it's quick.

I'll be honest, it's very quick.

It was more that we were you know, we're both huge Beetles fans and fans, and that's basically the cornerstone of our whole relationship. Our children wouldn't exist if that band didn't exist. So bizarre when you think like that.

They weren't conceived during the Beatles, were they?

They were born.

To be born to the Beatles, both of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, So Harrison was born to Sergeant Peppers and dud was born to ha jud which is how he got his name. But straight away, when we were chatting a bit the Beatles and music and all that sort of stuff, I said to James, just to sort of off the cuff remark, I was like, my first born, if it's a boy, I want to call him Harrison after George Harrison and James just sort of went yeah, yeah, that's fine. And I was like, oh, okay, so we're doing this toge.

For me, because that was what it was because when we first started talking about the Beatles and I don't I don't want this to become a Beatles.

We're actually going to change the name.

I did a little test where I said, well, who's your favorite Beatle? And I was expecting her to go, well, I really like Paul or I really like John because that's what most people say or ring. And then she said, I love my favorite was is George George Harrison And I was like, that's mine, that's my Yeah, George was meant to favorite beatle because.

He's very high. He's very easy to please with James.

In my opinion, I like George. Two kids at a playground. Who's your favorite? Power?

The red one?

Right?

Answer to that?

Pink one?

Pink?

And I mean you fell pregnant with Harrison pretty quick after you guys met.

So I've heard. Was it six months?

Yeah?

And you were you were quite young as well, like early twenties.

Yeah.

I was twenty just on twenty two when I was when I got pregnant, So yeah, I was the same.

Age as my parents when they had me.

What I think was it, were your friends your peers, were they getting they settling down at a similar age, or were you the first lot to have kids?

Yeah?

We were definitely the first. I mean I did a couple of people that I went to school with that had tied a kid, droned at the same time. Definitely the people that we knew that like your mates and Mummtes. We were very early compared to them.

Some of our friends just yeah, it's crazy.

Hurry up, yeah, and we're we're done.

No, I was trying to warn them. I was going, keep going, don't don't ruin now, don't stop it. Now you can still do all the stuff you want to do. And you know, if you if you get on a plane, it doesn't it doesn't cost four times as much anymore. That's what I think about as well, because we are still young. We could have another one, couldn't we really? But I always go, it's another plane ticket. Yeah, when you holiday, they cost.

An just a plane ticket.

It's tough though, because like we we always talk about, Ash has had the snip. I'm on the fence a bit with a third. But everyone I've spoken to every parent that is now in a position where they can't and have kids, but they've got two kids. I think I'm denied about a third. They all say the same thing, which is we regret not having a third.

Really, do you try and talk to me into having a one.

I'm just wondering. I'm just wondering if you guys have ever you know, you're you're like, you're debating, do we have a third?

Do we?

How do you make that decision of like we're calling it quits.

We did talk about it for a little while. So we had both our boys really quickly together. I mean it was like months or something. Yeah, I was twenty two, got pregnant hud Harrison at twenty three, pregnant at twenty four hundred at twenty five. So it was just like this conscious wow. And then between that we got married. We bought our house. So that's that stuff. So after jud was born, obviously we were like.

Bread just relaxed for a little bit, just cap practicing. Well.

Yeah, and then I.

Keep telling you I'm not going to get any better if you don't let me do it.

I think for a lot of while, I think, especially because we had two boys, were dead talk. Maybe when dud was maybe four or five, we sort of I'm denied a little better, But should we try for a girl? Maybe maybe not. But I think eventually we just decided no, we're good.

It's another eighteen years on the sentence, isn't it. You know you've got to start because by the time our boys are like sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, we'll still be in our early forties. And I'm looking forward to you know, Friday evening, just going to them, right, me and your mum, We're fucking off for the weekend. We're going to go and do all that stuff that we couldn't do for the last sort of eighteen years.

Yeah, as long as as long as the.

House looks like this when we get back, then all call the question. Don't call us, don't get into any trouble. We'll see you on Monday.

Well, it happens so quick. And if you guys are the first out of your friends to have kids, and you guys, have you got all of a sudden you got two kids. Are you thinking to yourself like, shit, what have we done? We're now like you know, we can't go out, we can't party as much there I'm breastfeeding.

Yeah. The difference between one and two is huge, absolutely huge, Like when when we heard Harrison. I mean not that we had them very long before jud turned up, but he was almost too when Judge came along. So for those first two years we could still do you know, you want to go to a gig or go it for the day, It's so much easier just packing one up and you know, getting them in the car and go and doing things when you've got to it's just about like, we'll just stay. We'll just stay.

A logistical nightmare. Yeah, twice as many things about. As James puts it, it's like an extra plane ticket.

It wasn't really a big deal because I like, my favorite thing to do is to sit on my couch and watch television with a beer. And it wasn't you know, when the kids turned out, it wasn't really a drastic change of situation for me personally. I'd still just watch movies and things in my house because I've got everything that I want in my house. That's the point of a house, isn't it. You put all your stuff that you like in that house so you don't have to go outside. I'm like that when if we do go

With both of your kids, they do they have the same sort of personality or do they? Do you find that you know, one is more like Claire and one's more like James or Yeah, they're totally definitely.

I think they've got bits of each of us in them, but they are totally different.

The funny thing because you see quels.

One of them is great, one of them.

You see quite a lot of people always talk about the second born, like your first born is always great, and then your second born comes along in their little savage. But that was true for jud when he was little, but no, it's it's changing. So Jude or youngest is just so lovely and reserved and really concerned about everybody else's feelings and.

It's really like wants everybody to.

Be happy and all that sort of stuff. Whereas our oldest has always been a bet. It's because he's always had a bet of this going on.

He's always because he had like almost a couple of years of it just being him and he and he was the first say he was the first grandchild. He was the first one about out of all of our mites that like, he was like this special thing that turned out that everyone was soon the man character.

Yes, that's how we describe them.

I'm always he tells me a story and stuff, and I'm always talking about when did this happen in Harrison the movie because in his head, in his head, he is just the main character of his film. Whereas Jude sometimes you don't even know if he's in the house, Like he's just he's just cool, just getting on with his own thing. He doesn't need any attention, he doesn't need anyone to tell him how great he is, whereas the other one needs a little bit of oh that's really good.

Well tone, Well, you know, I've always wanted to know at this age my eldest is five and unfortunate that I can really, within reason, I can behave in any which way, and she's always going to love me at this age. But when the kids get older, did you ever find yourself going, oh shit, I'm really I'm drifting apart now from my child as they grow into like, you know, being previewscent.

Well, I feel, from what we've been told, we're not we're just about to maybe enter that thing.

Yeah so Hardison's twelve, But.

I find it really difficult. We're all really close. We do hang out with each other a lot, and we were genuinely mates, like all of us as a family, we all just really like each other. Because that's the thing as well. You might not like them. You might not because they are there, even though you know your child, they are a completely different human being. You don't like everyone on the planet.

You might not you know exactly exactly point You might.

Just sort of have a slightly different sense of humor and things just go well anyway. But no, we all get on great and we love hanging out with each other, eating together, watching films together, taking a piss out of each other.

But I do see a little bit of a change just with so Jud's ten and Harrison's twelve. He's going to be Harrison's going to be thirteen this year. So I do see a little bit of a change just between the two boys, where you know, jud will still kiss me on the lips and you know, like Maine cuddle and in and all that sort of stuff, and Harrison still does a little bit. But you can sort

Of changing he's becoming a little man, yeah, independent.

Yeah, which breaks my heart a little bit.

James, you mentioned that you're all mates when it comes to having to discipline them. Is it much harder that you're all mates?

Yeah? No, it's it's weird that we were talking about this actually, and I brought it up in one of our vlogs as a sort of little discussion so that people can comment and stuff, because I saw a clip on online of Whoopi Goldberg just saying you cannot you cannot be friends with your children. You have they have to know that you are an adult and you're in schode. And I was like, that's why, that's why parenting is difficult, because you know, that's why it's really really hard, because

And it's a fine line.

Yeah, it is, and it is you know, and some days, some days.

Some days your friends all day and some days you're you know, it's not so great. I definitely think we again, especially we're an older one who's not you know, at high school and stuff, and you do have and he's got his own phone now what he just got when

It's probably only been a couple of times.

That I've really had to.

But other than that, like what's going for punishment?

Take the eyepad or just see what they're doing, Yeah, what they're.

Take his guitar away, I lock mine in the cupboard, find something.

Find something that they really love, find they really love, and just burn it in front of.

Them, barbecue the guitar.

We're talking on the way here, and I was saying that my dad used to threaten me with if I didn't put the dishes away, he'd put them in my bed.

Nice.

Yeah, I like that.

I like that sort of physical really making a point. Yeah, because it would have been easier for him to have just done the dishes and said next time, do you want to do the dishes you are so or something like that, do you want to make more noise? So we're just plugging in the.

Laptop, Claire, they're wrestling with an intruder.

But I like the commitment to really going above and beyond. Right, I'm going to get all these dishes, and I'm going to put them in his bed. That's great.

Yeah, I don't have the It honestly scared me straight. That's it?

Is it? Yeah?

No?

But luckily enough kids are quite cool. They're not there are right, really polite and nice young gentleman. Especially when we leave the house. Sometimes we tell people mate stories about them and what they got up to and what they said and things, and they can't see it. Do not see that?

Is there a story that comes to mind?

Just general cheekiness, just like Harrison's at that age where he can he is quite bright, which is which can be quite dangerous in a kid because he can he can tie you up in logic a little bit and then you just and then sometimes all I've got to go.

Back is more about you.

But now you know what he's like though when you you'll have an argument with him and then he will say something that makes total sense and you'll go, well, I don't care about that. I'm the dad in the order sun. So just that's how this works. Just do what I'd say, That's all I want.

How dare they develop a brain?

But when we go out with when we're out about, people are always complimenting us to this. How and you know we haven't done anything. We haven't really, I don't know why. It's just lucky, you know, speak for yourself. No, come on, we haven't really.

All these years, well you've been winking on.

It's like what you're saying is that's from The in Between Us.

But I'm aware of the scene. I'm aware of the scene. Let's just quickly touch on that. Do you do your kids are getting older? Do they know who you are?

James?

Yeah?

No, they're always constantly tailing them.

Yeah, I'm always.

Who wants to watch another episode?

Know when they when they are naughty? I do. I do get them to polish my awards. No, that's not true.

But do you have to explain to them, like you know, I guess because of people coming up to you in public, you have to say, you know, not only you know, get the TV show, but you've got the podcast, You've got the vlogs. So that much draw a lot of eyeballs when you're out in the street.

Yeah. Yeah, but they've grown up with it. Yeah.

I mean James was doing The in Between Us before we even met, so they've since they were little, they've always known. You know, people want pictures with their dad for some reason. And then as they got older. I mean when we went to Australia to film the second film, the kids were there. Jud was just a baby, but Harrison was, you know, a little toddler. So he he knows it and it's you know, it's sort of cliched, but it's bolden for him, like he couldn't care less used to it.

Yeah, the kids had not seen anything. They've not seen any They've never seen the in between us. They know of it, they know they know the boys stuff, they've never seen it. I mean, I listen, I'm pretty lazy when it comes to parents in but I do you know, I do feel like we have social services turned up at the door if the watch that they've been watching The Between Claire.

When it comes to keeping the Spark alive, can you give us any advice there?

Please?

The Spark life. As soon as I hear those words, oh go on, then that's it. I know, I know she loves me.

Just make it quick, carry out.

And that's it. That's that. I cannot imagine being more excited. That's that's that's.

There's a hint of sarcasm.

No, not no sarcasm at all. Whatsoever. That's my best dye. That's how that's how I want to go out. That's how I want to die.

Well, we'll see if we can make that happen. Keeping the spark alive, I don't know. We're not we're not very sparky people. You know, we're we're setting our ways over here. We're old, the kids are older. We've got you know, the dishwasher constantly needs empty.

There's just stuff to be doning need for sparks.

We are, we're just we're from the outside looking in.

The banter that you guys have together is something that I think, like, I don't know, it's just so fluent and whenever I watch videos of you guys, it's like, I think that everyone should have that banter in their relationship.

Would you agree with that? Do you guys?

There's no spark. There's no spark.

It's more like going back to the spir No, it's more like.

A glowing ember that's constantly.

Oh that's beautiful.

It's just a little flicker there.

It makes spark up.

There might be something, you know, on a after we've had a.

Couple of beers, birthday. No, I think I do think I say this quite a lot because we get that question a lot, like do you really get on as well as you know it looks like you're doing stuff? And we do, I mean obviously not twenty four seven. I mean he gets on my nerves a lot of the time.

This is news to me. Yeah, you should have mentioned something.

I just had to make him take a pawn. Shore was wearing a porn show to do this podcast.

It's a bit not one of the would I like it?

No, it's like a little Clint No.

I was like, get that off.

To wander up.

I'm guessing it's cold there, right, it's a.

Little bit chilly, not cold enough for a willy hatton a porn show. But I think I think what I would say is that we're genuinely friends, like we get on if you take if you take marriage at the equation and the whole like, oh we're together because we're in love and we're married and all that stuff. If you take that, me and James can you know, go to the pub and set in chat for four hours and have some drinks, we can watch a film, we can get a take like we just we genuinely enjoy

Yeah yeah.

I always think if only Ash would give me a blowjob, would be a match made.

And hair.

Oh yeah, I'm frigid. I'm frigid like that.

That's it. I mean, as soon as as soon as our spokes realize we can just do that to each other, ladies are in trouble. The worst thing is is if we learn how to do it to ourselves, that's the breakdown of society.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have been practicing years. The order I get, the less flexible I get to.

There was always that rumor at school that somebody could do it to themselves, wouldn't they.

I'd never reach No matter how flexible are, I'd never be able to get there.

Even though you're never going to get there, it's definitely worth a try, all right, Claire, Not into the self blood.

Sorry.

When you think back at the twelve years of parenting, is there anything that you think, Oh gosh, I wish I knew this twelve years ago before I embarked on this journey.

I'm gonna say something, but it's so cliche and annoying, but it's so true. I genuinely wish because people tell you all the time, but I genuinely wish if I could go back in time. No, I genuinely wish I knew how fast it goes. And I know people tell you that all the time, like, oh, enjoy it and they're only little for so long and that sort of stuff. But every day when you're doing it, when you've got a two year old or three year old, every day you're like, this is I've been here for years, Like

And they are They're fucking useless. When they first turn as well, they can't heads up. They're just saying they're flopping about. You've got old their heads forums, So you go, where are you going to survive? You need to s.

Before you know it, they're going to be a teenager and you know they're it. Really genuinely does just go sow quick? Makes me a boutside.

Yeah, we're in the thick of it, sort of two three year olds at.

The moment where it's like this, I think that they're smarter than we give them credit. For because they're not that useless. I've seen my youngest, I've seen a fin for itself without me. But I know what you mean. And look, it does go really fast, like having you know, both met and I have five year olds.

Now I look at photos from a couple of years ago and I go.

Holy ship, like it went it was slow, But then you look back and it's like a holiday.

Really, is there a phase that you missed the most?

I really missed the toddler two three, two and three. Yeah, they were just so funny because the say, like, I've got this video that I watch of Judd, which is really bad, but he had for some reason he heard bullshit somewhere right the word bullshit, which isn't really something that we even see.

It's quite an American, but.

He just would not stop saying it. He was just walking around this bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, that's bullshit. And obviously, like you are laughing at the time, but you're like, that's very bad. You don't say that's a bad one, and you go through that. But just looking back at those things where they were just because they're not us, isn't they Toddlers are just.

Insane little drunk people.

Yeah, they are in they're hilarious. Yeah, so I do. I really like that.

That's the problem when kids swear, though, because your immediate reaction is to laugh. It is funny, it's really oh yeah, it is funny.

It's hilarious.

But then it's too late that I don't even tell them. You can't turn around and go right, well, don't do that.

I know.

I laughed and found it really funny.

Because if they get a laugh, understand, it's like you, if you get a laugh, you're going to keep doing it exactly.

But I am. I am the kids whore. I don't know what it is about my memory, but the kids, the way the kids are now, just how I always remember them. And I've said that for years. I've just been like, well, they're just like they are now. So like Jude now he's going to be eleven this year.

I think the Covid thing I think it did put like a little weird time warp on everybody's timelines, because I did just feel like I messed a year. I was kind of like, oh, like before you knew it, there were actually two years of don't we hadn't done anything. It was just it was odd.

To not was I missed? I miss it.

I loved that.

I was in lockdown. I was in lockdown way before it was cool to be in.

Lockdown, before it was a fad. I been doing this for you.

I got a phone call it was like, Oh, it's good to see I haven't seen you for ages. How are you getting on in lockdown? I was like, what are you talking about?

You don't even know what was going on.

You're not allowed to leave your house, that's.

Fine, allowed to leave your host, not allowed to see people, you're not allowed to go in where me and James.

Were like, per correct, brilliant, brilliant.

We just want to say thank you so much for your.

Time, thank you for having us.

It sounds like you've got it fucking dialed reckon.

Yeah, it doesn't feel like it.

Well, just so you know, from the outside looking in, it looks like you're killing it.

It's all we're doing though, so we're doing. You can't. It's difficult to give child advice anyway, because they're all different, these kids, they've all got their own combination. And you learn, Like, that's what I say to someone just about to have a child, because it is daunting and it's scary. You want to be a good and you'll learn, you'll learn what works, you'll learn what doesn't, and you'll be fine. You'll be absolutely fine.

Heard of the very confident?

Many you surprisingly confident?

Have you heard?

Have you guys heard of the Jeremy Carle Show over Yeah?

Yeah.

So I lived in London for four years. I watched it a bit.

It was this talk show and it's all these nuts. No, but I just used to because I remember one day I was like, fuck, I'm going to be a dad and I'm not. I've never been good at anything, so I really imagine I'm going to make a mess of this. And I was watching the Jeremy Carle Show during the day and I was.

Just like Jerry Springer.

Yeah, like Jerry Springer, you get sort.

Of oh okay, okay, ye're trashy.

Yeah, And I was just thinking, well, these have all got kids, they're all still alive and stuff.

And that was the bar and I was like, you can do it.

I can do it.

There's got to be a little bit better than that.

Married couple coming on and the husband beyond and he'll be like you slept with my grandma and be like these guys are all still you.

Work it out.

There needs to be like when you like when you leave hospital, it's like you get your blanket, you get the goodie bag, and that should be like a DVD of Jerry mc like, if you ever feeling stressed out, watch episode just stay up grandma.

And you're a fane.

That's solid. Advice is solid.

Thanks again, guys, guys jumping on, well, how did you find that big guy? That was good, big big man our first English guess and our first couple that we've had on the podcast, which is I'd like to do more couples and interviewing.

Okay, Laurel, look out see.

Where things go. But yeah, nicest, nice to speak to others who are just doing a bloody great job at parenting now. That was was great to talk to them. If you have any other people individuals that you think, hey, they'd be great to have on the podcast as a guest. Please send him away either in our DMS or our email. I believe hello hello at two Doting Dads dot com.

It'll be in the show in.

The show notes.

We'll also put in the show notes a link to James and Claire's YouTube and their.

Podcast why Not, Why Not? Why Not?

Very generous of you. I'm a generous guy, not a generous guy, and as always asking quietly for you to just, you know, please review, subscribe a few stars. And I'm about to ship myself with this salmon, so I'm going to get out of here.

I've already shit myself, so I'm good.

Okay. Two Doting Adds podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today.

This episode was recorded on gadagal Land