#49 Kid poops, pooping yourself and finding a pooper

You were saying that men's rings.

Are well, men are a hard audience. Yeah, to make profitable returns for it.

But also like we break and we lose shit. We don't take care of those sort of things as much as the women. Folks.

Where's your wedding ring?

I don't often wear it, but I was saying that I lost a ring ages years ago.

Not your wedding ring.

No, No, it was before that. April got me a ring for something. Anyway. How I lost it was I was jerking off what and I dribbled a bit down my hand. Ah, I've wiped my hand with some toilet power and then thrown it in the bit and flushed it before I realized that the ring had come off with.

The that's so disappointing.

I'm one big piece of disappointment.

It's so disappointing where something that should bring you joy ends up hurting you.

Yeah, I know. And then I was like, April was like, where's the ring going? I was like, can't find it.

Welcome back to two Dating Dads.

I am Maddie Jay and I'm Ash.

This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad.

And the episode relatable and.

If you have come wanting some advice, Unfortunately, this is not I repeat not the podcast for you. You will not be as I'm sure you can tell from that intro. We don't sit here and dish at any type of advice at all. But we are two parents whilst trying very hard, making lots of mistakes.

Absolutely, I think you got through that entrance really good. Then I just listened to the episode coming out this week.

What we're doing? What have the name of this podcast?

Yeah?

Again, but no, we're back, We're good, good, We're okay, We're surviving.

I'm surviving. I have one of those days. Yesterday I was saying.

I know you got injured.

Mate.

Also, when you messaged me and you told me you had an injury, I'm sorry for not giving you nothing. I didn't. Sorry so rude.

I was like, I would have been on my deathbed and you were like not today.

I think it's it's a rich to call it a deathbed experience.

You don't know that, Please tell tell the listeners. It's just one of those days where like, oh.

Wait, sorry, sorry, before before we should have a beer.

Oh shit, yes, very true. So, as we always do, we talk about what we're drinking today thanks to our partners at Stonewood and today is something very special, something very different. Something some would say is limited.

It's very limited.

Actually, it's very very limited.

It's hard to find these.

I know it's really hard to find it. We're talking about the new Mango pale a. Some are saying it's Summer in a can.

What it's made with real manga pure ash. I don't want to talk about it too much long as I just really want to have a sip.

There's got that also, it's got those Galaxy hops in it as well.

They love the Galaxy hopton.

Now we both haven't tried this, so let's crack it open and then we'll give you my feedback. At you one, two, three, Oh, cheers.

Cheers my friends, Thank you. Oh that smell is very fruity. Oh that's smooth.

Yeah mango, that's lovely Funny that you can really taste the puree.

You can, no preservatives, no additives.

Yes, one six, that's easy drinking. Thank you very much, Thank you very much. Grab a slice of Summer in a Can from Stonewood dot com dot au, or you can shop at First Choice Liquor Land nationwide and select vintage sellers from Matthew from mid Fab.

I will also say ash, I'm a big fan of the can. It's delicious. Whoever designed that? I just say, well, it's nice, it's.

A beautiful can. And of course what we like to do is Thankstone would for them, this wouldn't be possible our partners in crime. Thank you very much and thank you for providing the beers.

Where were we talking about?

Oh?

Yes, sorry, your injury injury. Let's hear well you walk and I just say you walked in fine?

Oh yeah I'm fine. I'm not fine, jury's out and whether I'm fine?

So what happened? We were talking about again the beach.

So yesterday was just one of those days that parents have where everything's a struggle from getting up, getting the kids up out. It's going to be a very hot day. So let's get in early so we can go somewhere and actually get a car park that's not ten k's away from the beach, because all of a sudden everyone wants to go to the beach.

I blame nippers are a bloody nightmare.

Did you have a nippers?

I did? I lived on the Sunny Coast, for a year in grade one. I've been around where I maybe I didn't do nippers. I think it was my sister, but juries out whether or I get the girls into.

Oh I got to do it, kid, Yeah, northy.

When's Oscar going to start nippers? Oh?

I think next year, maybe next summer. We'll get on to nippers later, but I think it's a very good idea. One of those days, you're struggling, struggling, struggle get him to the beach. Then you get to the beach and then they're like winging and complain about and blah blah blah blah blah. Anyway, we're leaving the beach, time to go home because maybe still does the midday nap, which I love because then I get a midday naight and

Do you wash them? Do you get a shower?

And they hate that.

It's like washing the acid. One of the hardest things about leaving the beach is trying to convince them to like get under the water.

I know, I try and trick them. Now, just be like, just use the little tap at bottom. And then I turned the big one on the so we've done that. I've tricked them anyway. So there's nothing worse than like trying to wrangle and get everything to get no one's listening to you, and then you accidentally hurt yourself. And that's what happened, having a dig at these kids to get in your car seat. They want to play in

You used to play soccer, so you've got a strong kick on you. And I can only image how it must have felt, how.

I felt, the wrath of like I went to kids, Well, they their fault, their fault.

Because like what I mean here, he's like, what would the car do? This is on you?

Yeah, but you weren't in the car. I was trying to get you to sit in your seat. So that's the first thing. And I went down like a sack of shit. And it's I can't explain the feeling of like you've been so frustrated and then that happening. But it happened more than once. Yes, so can I see the toe? Yeah, give us a little bok.

Oh shit, can you get that on camera? Yeah? Yeah, hold it up a bit closer. There it is, come across this way.

Okay. I'm not that flexible.

Okay, okay, So.

That was the first thing that happened. Free foot content.

It does have a bit of a bruise on there. I'm sorry, first of all for not paying you any attention when you messaged me yesterday.

I think the end's broken.

You can't do anything about those broken toes.

That'd be the second toe. Second toe in like six months, I broke I broke the other one.

How did you break the other one?

I kicked it the same thing, but on the corner of the kitchen because I was chasing after Maisie who had a knife. Why did you always find the knives? They probably just stop leaving on the ground. So then the second thing was later on in the afternoon. Just a full day of this garbage. I can't barely walk because my foot hurt so much, and I was yelling at the kids to get in the bath, Get in the bath, Come on. I've made like they're just like

How's that door looking.

It's just a few indents, no holes, thank god, because I've done that once before and it's a rental. Yeah, I was like anyway, so it's just one thing after another. And then also what happened yesterday is that Macey like she must have been constipated or something. So I'm just like trying to get her to do a poosh was clearly uncomfortable, right, And eventually, after crying and trying to push this poo out. And I've said it before, girls pooh heart out, boys.

Only when they're toddlers, and once they hit the teens, they actually stopped pooing.

And they don't pooh anymore. Rose pearls come out. Yeah, Okay, roses really smell like poof.

That's why they pooh so much when they're toddlers, because they have to get all that pooh out when they're adults and.

They don't anymore. Yeah, I told you about that my friends whose wife only poohs when he's asleep. It's wild still, so Maytie, I no wonder she was so And I need you to brace yourself for this.

You're gonna show me the shop.

I'm going to show you the ships. It was.

I've been well since we've spoken about kids, ship I feel are you ready to Oh my god, show.

Me the girth. Oh for those at home, it looks like one of those girthy pickles that we've been given the NRL boys.

Is that a bit of capsicle at the end?

It's Plato?

Those plate scheet is unbelievable.

If you swipe to the next photo, you can see the person who it came out of, the tiny little girl. She's like happy is Larry after that?

Oh? My days? That must have is sure April didn't do that?

How is it though?

Oh my goodness, I've never seen anything like it?

What did you do with it? It's still kept it in a box, a glass box, and you can't flush that went straight out to the big bins. If I had to flush that, I had to call the plumber. It's ginormous. That's the biggest shit I've ever seen.

How much did that way?

It was pretty like lofty?

I mean, can we show people that ship can put that on on socials?

Yeah?

Like that's wow.

Surely that's got to be a record. How did it come out with you?

There's got to be some kind of record out there. When you compare the ratio of like Pooh to the person who did it. It's ginamous, like that's like the size of her leg.

Anyway, that was my day yesterday.

That's my girl.

I was like, you got to be proud. Yep.

How long did it take her to get that?

Out? Of? An hour? So I have dealing with that with a headache, a concussion and a fucking broken toe.

Oh wish I could ship like that, I do.

You know? How could that it feel coming out of your eyes?

So cathartic. I'd pay good money to have that come out of me.

Anyway, she's not going to ship for a year now, Nah you think Jesus. Anyway, that was me yesterday. Mate.

Well yeah, again, apologies you deserve from me. You didn't get it.

I didn't get it.

But hey, speaking of shit, we're just gonna talk about shit all day. I just want to say, really, really quickly, you had a little laugh at my stories. Yesterday. We went to a new park on the weekend. We had like a little game of tennis with a girl.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They loved it. There was a park next door. Once our booking ran out, I thought we'll go along to this park. And it's not one we normally go to because it's it's like, you know, a bit of a drive from our place. Normally the park for us is always walking distance. Yes, you walk back to and and Laura had her coffee, a large soy cap in her hand, thank you very much.

Who inducing soy cap?

And she's looking really worried. She was like looking a little bit panicked. And I was like, what's wrong. And she's like scanning, scanning, scanning, and I'm like, are you okay, and she goes, I'm about to ship myself. And the issue was that this particular park in Bondi no public toilets,

So did she make it?

She made it. And I do just want to say for anyone who's in a situation where they are about to ship themselves and they can't find a toilet, there is an app out there. It's called oh.

There's an app for this.

Yeah, the flush toilet finder app Wow tells you exactly where all the public toilets are.

You only found these after because everyone.

I got so many messages for people saying, hey, dude, there's an Yeah. I shit all the time, like a couple of times a day, and I always have to like know where I'm going, where the closest toilet is.

Oh my god, so far, So I get that checked.

So yeah, just quickly for anyone who does.

And you know me, I frequently shipped myself.

Yeah you should, like four times a day.

Speaking of shooting myself, I have done it again.

Go on.

I was going to a mate's house on Friday to go through like his wedding prep stuff because I'm the MC for his wedding. So and he was like, come up, we'll have a barbecue, have a couple of beers, go through it, you know, so it's not such a chore. And I was like, oh easy, so they like it. It's like a twelve dollars uber. I was like, i's get an uber up there, uber back. Not that I'm poor,

I know where this is going.

It was liquid.

Oh gosh, it was.

A little bit wet.

It was too late, speaking of you're so quick to say to someone else, get that down for goodness sake, if you were doing liquid shits when you're trying to fart.

It was just a bit wet. It was a bit wet. It was just a bit wet, and I it was too late to cancel the uber. Don't get that, thankfully. It was like a big key carnival. It was like, oh, sit in the seventh throw. Thanks And then I got there and I text my mate and I was like, just so you know, I'm going to have to just go straight to the bathroom your house. I think I was shipped myself and I'm in the back of this uber. Tried not to smell right now or I don't know. I'm still like I'm sure.

You like, actually no air con, just wind the windows.

Down fresh air conditioning and then got there went checked little sharp, So I apologize to the Uber driver. I wonder why I only got one star, but I just thought, actually completely forgot because I was so embarrassed. I buried it so deep. But Laura's vulnerability has been able to let me tell my story. Thank you, Laura.

There is nothing more stressful than that feeling of like if I was to relax right now, I would shit myself. And knowing that you're so far from your own toilet, and also not knowing where the nearest toilet is. That's an anxiety that I wish upon no one.

No, I've got anxiety as it is. That would be something I just don't need. My asshole was just decided to let it happen. Just shit yourself, bro.

This podcast really didn't talk a lot about shit anyway.

Just today that's enough about shit.

Well, this one's not shit related. Two things I want to talk about ashes really quickly. The first is just a quick update on Lola. Oh yeah, quick little update on Lola. I have been talking a lot about the fact that she hates me, does not want anything to do with me. I made such good progress on the weekend. It's making such good progress. A lot of people said to me. All you need to do is make sure that you guys have little experiences together, just the two

We're all away.

I'm not going to say no to you at all. So we went to the park. We've got Baby Chino's. We did painting together, just anything that she wanted to do. I was like, this is great. As long as you're happy, I don't care. And then on the couch a bit a quiet time in the afternoon, she let me cuddle her as we're watching TV, and I was like, hall.

Au halle halleu yah, hall are you what's fun? Halleyll helleluyah, hallelujah.

This is good.

At four or five deep, hallelujah.

There we go. Sorry for everyone playing. Oh I'm having a stroke.

Hall are you yeah.

So anyway, she's letting me cuddle her nice and afterwards she's like, Daddy, can we make a thought together? And I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely, we can make a thought together. I thought you'd never ask, and I did something sent me back, Oh what did you do? Damn shame?

He called her Maley or something.

As we went into the room downstairs to build a fort. And this was this was a silly little mistake. It was an accident.

We all make mistakes.

And she was in front of me, right and this is how stupid the mistake was. She was in front of me, she stopped and I didn't realize it. She went to turn around because she forgot something. I was right behind her with my phone in my front pocket, and so she's turned around and gone to walk out the door. She's just come in and she's headbutted the phone in my pocket.

Oh straight back down.

Then, dude, she's on her back screaming, looking at me as if like why have you done this to me? Oh my god.

They don't understand accidents.

And Laura's like, what have you done? And I was like, I just crash tag try And so.

They don't understand that it's an accident, Like I was wiping oscars but the other day and he was bent over, but I wiped a little too hard and got he got off balanced access and just head buttoned the ground. And it was like it was a clearly accident. I'm not trying to kill my child, and he just couldn't understand it was an act. I'm like, bro, that was an accident, you know, like you can't explain it to them, And she's turned around into you.

Yeah, and I'm just like, I like, essentially just need her in the face.

Be more careful, bro, Just so keen to building. So now what you're back?

Oh yeah, she wouldn't let me touch it. Tried to feel for you, trying to read her a story at night time, just like nah, I don't want to have it, or you're the go try to Soon as they come to the doorway, she's.

Like you, how quickly you can become public enemy number one in your own house? So what's the plan? What's next? Well? Do you have to build back up again?

Well? So, okay, So the thing is the thing that I've realized when she doesn't hate me, it's where she knows that Laura is like not an option. So if we're like outside of the.

House, we have to off Laura.

So I need someone to get rid of Laura.

Okay, we're taking applicants to do that job for me.

So there is a cruise coming up, Ash that you're going on. I'm thinking about coming potentially to four day cruise, and I'm thinking about coming and bringing Laura and Marley without Laura, purely with the objective.

You know what's going to happen. What's love uncle Ad? And I'll be like, we want to hang out.

With So it's not until March, so I've got a bit of time.

I'll come round quick.

To be honest, I'm nervous. I don't know. I feel like it could go either way. It could be a night man. My kids could just hate me for four nights straight. Marley likes me. Mom is good. Yeah, Lola, I just like she cannot go to sleep.

We can just bitch about her. Heaps make you feel better? Who oh when she is asleep, we'll be like, what about would you did that? Because that's like, well, should be asleep make you feel better?

I feel like a piece of shit.

Okay, No, so I think I'll feel good.

I think the plan would be to just create some beautiful memories without Laura.

Forget who Laura is.

For the fact, the most important part.

I think you can probably gauge out it's going to go when you break the news to Lola, Like we're gonna go on a cruise, but a big boat. Kids love boats, but your mum's not coming. Yeah, exactly, and you'll know, like, well.

Then what do I do if she turns around like night one, being like because she will not go to sleep, I'll make a decision, and the day off, I'll make a decision in the coming days.

Yeah, but the I think the plans bulletproof.

Oh actually, also, can I just quickly say before we get into meltdowns, we had Laura's birthday. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, gone, and I forget like Christmas is great because the kids have like equal presence.

Oh yeah, yeah right.

The hardest thing about a birthday is trying to explain to one child why you get nothing and the other one.

That I understand, gets everything. That's why we just don't throw birthdays for Oscar.

Yeah, it's a bloody night that we we had, like the morning on.

What do people do there? Like, what did you do? Like you obviously just had the experience, but did you have like a contingency plan.

Yeah, we had to get Marley some gifts as well. So we had this like the kids are obsessed with makeup, so we had to get some little like nail polish, Like a little packet of nail polished. We gave under Marley, same one gave to Lola. Lola got more presence, obviously, but we just gave something. So Marley had at least one thing to unwrap on the morning of.

It's a rock.

But then after a second she was like, well, what else do I get? And then Lola had like a brand new backpack to take the daycare and had all these like you know, all these fancy things that she could get like new t shirt, new backpack, some.

Essential stuff that she needs too, like a backpack is like not super fun, but it's essential.

Yeah, And then Marley was like, well this is left up. What have you got for me?

And we're like cake.

Yeah. Well, even like that night, Marley was still like just couldn't comprehend why Lola was getting all the attention and Marley was getting nothing. Sad it's an efnyma. And then to make things worse. But at my sister's place, just got a little trampoline and the kids were all jumping on the trampoline.

In built one.

One's lovely.

That's very good.

And the kids will being a little bit rough and rowdy. Should we step in they fight it out. We're like, they'll be fine, and also you kind of need kids to just get hurt. No barricade. We look out and Lola's like being double bounced. She's like mid air, she's coming down. Marley fools down, so she's like laying on her back. Lola like stomps on her face. Marley gets like foot to the face, starts screaming, she's chipped her tooth. Shit, yeah, dude, to make to make things work.

Not a good day for man.

That was right before we did the birthday cake as well. So now Marley's got this like bottom tooth and I was thinking.

Sorry, which one hates you again? Oh my god. Marley was like, birthdays suck unless it's her birthday. Yeah, it's great, but yeah, at the same time, the problem is in June when it's Marley's birthday, You'll have to explain to Lola way she's not getting anything.

It's going to be an. I'm almost like you need to get rid.

Of it was a bruiser. Here's a bit of a bruiser. Yeah, Marley's a bit more like delicate.

It's worth just doing presents like one on one, don't bring the other kids.

I put the other kid out and wake the other one extra early.

Yepick yeah literally literally so.

But then like Mary would wake up and the lolls a this new stuff and she's like, did I sleep for a whole day?

You don't realize those kind of situations one that should be nothing but joyous, they are a bloody nightmare.

It turns into a meltdown, which leads us perfectly into tantrums of the week. It's fun.

I've got one for you.

Yep.

Here, I'm gonna bring out the iPad because this is a bit of a long one. That's your cue for your your line.

That's what she says. Yeah, I missed it, missed it.

This one is a long one, that's what she said. This is from Laura, from Laura. Yeah, different Laura. The first time we've actually had a melt down from someone who's not a parent.

Oh, I believe if it's about their dog having a meltdown or something not the same.

No, don't worry. Don't worry. It's not a pet parent. We have none of those. Listening after a weekly rants, I wanted to downloads down. This one is from Laura, who is in nanny Okay. She says, years ago, I was working as a full time living nanny, and I took the two kids to the pool for the day. After a swim, I was trying to wrangle the four year old into her dry clothes, and then the two year old was climbing under the shower stools, so as I start dragging her back, she climbs all the way

Oh that's going to cut deep too, Like you're not my real mom. It's kind of like when I was telling you that story about the guy trying to put his kid into the car seat. She's like, hell, that's good, Laura. That's a crackery, especially because they're not your kids.

Don't go to the pool. Like, if you're a nanny, just put on YouTube.

Just totally. You get paid to make the kids watch YouTube. That's a good one, Very good, Matthew. I've got one here. I've begin a couple emails, so two D D t W A D D at outlook dot com. You flick them over if you like. This one comes from Laurie. Laurie says, high fellas. Last night, while my son was in the bath, I washed his hair. He cried so hard and then he vomited.

I sympathize with that because Marley's often gotten to the point where she cries so much, where she's like, is she gonna vomit? Never happened. I've always wondered, can happen? Can they get to the point where they cry so much? That's and also because then you got to fucking go empty the bath, fill the bath, wash them again. Ah man.

It's like the other day I ask a god in the bath, did a we straight away? And then I'm like, now Macy can't get in mate, what do you mean I've had to she can no, you can do no under under the bath redo the bars an man.

If the kids were in the bath that's playing on?

It was sollo? Oh I did idrained it to you? Boy? I have another one? Or do you have another?

Another one? Here?

Okay?

This one is from missus Garbo. Missus Garbo, Gabo Garbo? Why is it every week we have a problem with the name. I know, I'm so just lexica. I cannot read garb. This is Garbo and she says her toddler screamed for fifteen minutes because he couldn't join the sweet buns in the oven. I'm guessing that's like sweet buns are like.

Hot cross bus.

Yeah, you also had a meltdown because he couldn't fill up the freezer was snowballs, she says. By the way, we live in Norway, which maybe explains the snowballs, the sweet buns and the snowballs. There you go, lots of love, A huge fan from Norway.

No, that's nice, is Garbo?

Thank you so much?

We have one Norwegian listener.

Yeah, who would have thought spread the word?

I wonder how far it is to the next person's house. In Norway. Is it like far apart city.

I mean there are cities in Norway. It's not as like six houses.

In Norway in a six house country that I've got one last night. This is from Blake, he said, My then four year old had an epic meltdown when I explained to her that she could neither marry me or have a baby with me. I love it. I love the short and sharp ones because it's like it just shows you how like ridiculous they are sometimes. So if you've got one DMS or send us an email or two d d at outlook dot com dot a.

H Hey, before we go into questions, I do want to say, remember you talked about catching a mouse in your household?

Did away record it for me?

And you use a very interesting bit of ingredients marshmallows. So Joony has just said, Joan, what do you got? I'm happy to share with you Ash that marshmallows do in fact work. A haha, thank you, She says, we have a rat in our house for weeks now, cheese and cake, nothing would work.

I've got the marshmallow and it worked.

Marshmallow for the first time, and overnight we caught the rat.

Nice to do with it, she says, we blungeoned it to death.

She's unfortunately it was not a catch and release type of track. A marshmallow one rat.

Very good, very good. It's good to see that we are giving advice. Thank you April for the marshmallow how to kill animals. Questions Matt, shall I go first? Or would you like to go first?

Can I go first? Do you mind if I do? Okay, this one is a short and sharp one. How would you feel if you couldn't have kids?

Oh, depends on what aide you'd ask me that.

Which I can't imagine right now, life without kids? Yeah, yeah, because it's just, you know, we're like five years in.

Yeah. Is it kind of like if you had the option to go back and make the decision.

Obviously I would. I would not have them. They are a nightmare.

Ah man.

I remember. It's a weird how certain memories like stick out in your mind. But before we had kids, I remember having a chat at my sister's place and it was off the back of one of her friends. They were trying for a kid. They've been trying for like a year or two, also trying IVF and it's hard because you only find out that you have issues once you start trying and you're unsuccessful.

Yeah, or you decide to try and it's like that's it.

I mean, you don't like date someone and go hey, how fertile are you?

Some people would I reckon, Yeah, you're right, I reckon.

Can I just get a sperm count? Please?

You reckon? People are just so it would.

Be a bit of a flex if you had on like your Tinder profile, like by the way, great spam count.

It'd be like you're uberrating sperm count. Well, I think we're onto something there.

And I remember my sister said, how would you feel if you and Laura couldn't have kids? And I was like, yeah, wow, I'd never really at that point, you know, we'd only been here.

Yeah, you never thought like if it couldn't Yeah, I was like, that'd be.

Really Like I always imagined that I would be a dad, Like I always thought that was like, you know, part of the.

Plan, were you practiced enough.

But then like weirdly, just like timing up events. Laura was in Bali at the time, and I picked her up three days later and she got into the car and she gets, I need to tell you.

Something, she said with a little balinies. Boy.

She's like, I've had an affair and I was like, his name was Wayan. This is not panning out like it works for Bluebird Taxis. They're really popular in Tempessa. And she said, I'm pregnant. No, actually no, sorry, I am fucking lying. She goes, I need to tell you something, and I go, you're pregnant.

And she's like, oh that's right.

Yeah, yeah, how did you know? It's like, it's just think the weird how yeah, circumstances, But yeah, I think if I didn't.

It's such a tough one because there's so many good moments, but there's so many I.

Do look at. As a maide of mine, he's always said I never want to have a family with a long term partner. He's just one of those people that him and his partner have always just said, we have no desire whatsoever to have a yeah, doublincumno kids. And I look at them and they're traveling, they're doing these great holidays.

Got a beautiful house, is not a.

Beautiful apartment that's just like always spotless. And they go out for dinners midweek and I do at.

Times you're really selling it to me.

That must be pretty good. Yeah, at times, especially with you just stick with that time obviously depending on this if not having it any other way.

Yeah, if you're asked me that question on a bad day, you know what the answer would be. If you ask it to me on a good day, you know what the answer would be. Right, Can that be my answer?

Absolutely?

Okay, all right, let me ask you a question please. It wasn't as hard hitting as that. Oh, it's sort of similar. The question is this, but I'll rephrase it for you because I'm definitely done because I've had this snap snip. How did you know you were done after two kids? Maybe this is directed at me, but I'm going to ask you the question.

Well, I'm very indecisive. I'm leaning towards now more and more leaning towards the fact that I am done. We will not have a third for a period of time. I was thinking about it.

I remember last year you were like, Laura.

Is still keen for a third issue? Is Laura's just got so much on work. Yeah, she wouldn't even consider getting pregnant until end of next year, so two thousand and twenty five.

Right, and then I kind of think, Man, big gap. That's a big gap, right, I go to get all the way back.

That's like, you know, it's like a marathon. Everyone's like kind of like, you know, past a half way mark home.

Stress, You've got to go all the way back and go. Got to buy nappies again. Now, got to get a pram, got to get that tiny capsule to get up every two hours.

Ah. Just like the thought of having some bloody like every meal, like feed the kid. Oh my god.

I knew when I was held Macie for the first time on the day she was born, because I was present after I woke up from fainting mid sea section, and I was like, I don't want to do this again.

Mate, when you know, like that was it, you.

Know, I don't want to When I woke up on the floor of the delivery room, sweet.

I dusted myself off, I was like.

Hard day that one. I was like, noah, noah.

And I think that's a good thing. You want to like when you make that decision, you obviously want to be certain. Because someone did ask me a question that whilst I'm kind of leaning towards not having another one, this question made me go, oh.

Hang on a second, better be a blood question.

What is a simple one. They said, wanted to just get the snip, get the snip.

Yeah, but there's two sides to that though, as someone who has been snipped. It wasn't that I wanted to have another kid that stopped me. It was there's something deep inside a man's brain that thinks I'm going to lose my superpower whatever. As ridiculous as that is. I think we've been over there. Nothing fucking changes.

Yeah, Okay, I just well except for the fact that I just fade off to the left.

Now and I'm just less of a man than I was before. But that doesn't matter. There's not it's you're probably going out that with like it's the kids, so I think, But I guarantee you if you booked it and got it done, you'd be like, that was the right choice. Look, good question. But also I don't think that's the bee all and it I.

Just want to know that even if I'm ninety nine percent sure that I don't want to have kids, if that one percent grows into ninety nine percent that I do want to have another kid, would I regret it? Would I look back at thirty six year old, Matt going, you're an idiot for getting the snip.

Do you want to be forty with like a one year old? Really?

Really?

De Niro had a kid and he's eighty, So that's disgusting. That's what that is. Don't convey yourself to Robert de Niro.

All right, that's a good way.

It ended very good. We'll have to pick back up on this when you've made up your decision. You don't have to that's the thing as well. You don't have to make up your mind now. But also, do you really want to deal with liquid shits again?

No?

No, yeah, anyway, each their own. I don't know.

I mean, the only thing is at the moment, our method of contraception is the pull out method, and there is a part of it goes it would be nice to get the snip to be able to like end the sex and that way, you know, if you know what I'm saying.

I just remember, you.

Know, I want to dine in.

I want to die. I don't want to You don't want to take away.

I want to dine in. I want to sit down and get comfortable and stay there.

Yeah. I don't want to drop my food on the footpath at the front.

Yes, I want to drop this disgusting. I want to drip the food in the restaurant.

Yeah, exactly right.

I want to make a mess in the restaurant. Yeah, don't want to have a food.

In the restaurant at the front and it's billy beans on the floor.

Yeah. Yeah, you're picking up what I'm saying.

I am. That's just giving me a little flashback to young childhood. Ash. I love getting these last day. I remember I used to go to a Catholic school. I'm not Catholic. My mom faked me being Catholic to get in. She said she would facts over the baptism certificates. Never did it. And I remember I was in a religion class because they do religion, and they were talking about contraception and stuff religion, and the teacher said, do you

How old are you at this point?

Fifteen? And the teacher will happen to be also the principal, and he's pretty much he pretty much looked at me to off you go. I knew exactly where to go, and it was the answer. The correct answer was abstinence anyway, look at me.

I'm living by your rules fifteen.

That's the number one method.

And on that note, if you have enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you shared it with any other parents out there, anyone who would like laugh. And of course if you want to give us a review, that would be that would be the old ash. We don't. We don't beg not yet, we asked politely, it's February. What does that mean?

Long way to go?

It was a cheeky review.

Yeah, why not?

I dare you.

You won't.

You won't give you a review?

You see what you're doing, then you won't give you five stars. Let's try and trick them.

Let's get out in so like Two Doting Dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land