#48 Two Doting Dads and Mum feat. Amy Gerrard

We are very excited today to bring you this bonus episode with none other than Amy Girard.

Yes, Amy Girard. You may know her from her escapades on Instagram as a mum influencer. Of course, I would say the most asked for mum that we've Oh my god, when we put a call out, they'd be like, who do you want us to speak to?

The floodgates opened down and everyone's like Amy Girard. Amy Girard, My sister has been like annoying me for weeks, being like, when are you going to fucking speak to her?

Same with my wife. So she's not just a mum influenced she's also an author.

Author, podcast host as well, two podcasts being.

Beyond the Likes and Beyond the Chaos.

Only Chaos both brilliant and I would call her an entrepreneur as well.

Absolutely, she's got a lot of fingers in pies, my friend pies.

So here it is. Here's the episode.

Enjoy.

We are about to start recording it. Just as we press start. I don't know if people can hear what's in the background. It's a fucking Whooper Snipper.

It's a full blown whip.

Roonda my lovely neighbor. Her gardeners have arrived and they are getting stuck into the backyard.

She saw a set malp and she was like wow. I was definitely like the neighbor on the other side, She's like, get it out.

I can't control everybody buzzing noise. That This is the downside of recording at a home. You get whipper snippers in the background. You do anyway, Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.

Yes, my name is Mattie Jay and I'm.

Ash and I am Amy Gerard.

I really forgot you were.

This is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable. And if you have come for any advice, it's not going to happen from myself. Maybe from Amy.

Yeah, sure, take it with a grain of salt.

Yeah we always say that too, just to cover us, just so people they'd be like, you're not experts.

Sam. Let's go straight into sleep schedules.

The hard hitting questions, which is how do you get your kids to sleep?

Melt okay, beautiful.

That's what we have time for. Amy. I have to apologize one for the gardener's next door that's fine. And two for the fact that we've been talking to you about this. I know we spoke. First time was last year.

Yes, we pushed it back, we did.

I got sick.

Yep, I got sick.

People kept messaging me being like, where the hell is the Amy, but like that be deleted already.

I'm always around, And to be honest, I feel like this time is better anyway, because last year I was like a headless chicken.

I scattered if we were calling the podcast curse. He was like, ash, You're never sick. And then we went literally just.

Like one of us was always ill. But Todd Wood, yeah, I have a tickle Amy. Let's let's get right back. I kind of imagine that as a teenager, you would have been someone that was quite a prankster. Have you always been like the funny gal?

Yeah, the class clown. It's cool.

Yeah, I was very much the tomboy. Didn't have a lot of female influenced. My mum also very big tomboy. Grew up with brothers. So I remember a guy asking me out for the year ten formal and I was quite flattered. But the way I said yes was by wrestling him to the ground and then touching him in the face.

Now running races on, let's gop open and yes, and now you're married.

I didn't marry that one.

But yes, definitely a bit of a prankster, always the one, cracking jokes, very self deprecating.

Self deprecating is always nice.

Always, that's prizes me. I mean right now people can't can't see what you look like.

But wouldn't be tomboy, not at all, full blown tomboy.

Yeah, short hair, no, but I did got.

Curly curly hair about to hear my mum used to brush it.

I'd look like sideshow bob. I've been like putting forks into power points.

Did you grow up with dolls at all?

We not? No, No, I'm pretty sure that the chainsaw.

Out there, he won't be He surely won't be the whole There's no grass down the side of the house, but he's just there by.

The window, over the window recording through this. Did you have siblings?

Though?

I had two brothers, I might explain it a little bit.

Two brothers.

Spent majority of my childhood outside riding bikes, pushing each other down the hill in you know bins, discarded mattresses from council cleanups a proper.

So did you have any thought at all of like, oh, I can't wait to grow up and meet the man of my dreams and become a mum.

Yes, I definitely always wanted to have children. I wanted to have six children. In fact, I had all of their names in a diary.

No more, do you remember what the names were.

My favorite name of all time has always been Charlie. Okay, So when I fell pregnant, I said to my husband, if we have a girl, her name is Charlie, you have no say And he was like.

Whatever, whatever was a boy?

No, I like Charlie for a girl only.

Did you have any pushback on that? Or was he like, yeah, it's fine, you can have that. No.

No, I was pretty arested as a pregnant woman, so he wouldn't dare push back.

Yeah, he's like, I know how you like to wrestle.

I don't want to split lips.

You got Ryan, your husband, and head Charlie.

Pretty much.

So you were the class clown ish tomboy. We are very academic.

I was very academic until I found, not found, but until I got my first boyfriend. Did really great in my school certificate. Then I got a boyfriend. I was in year eleven, he was in year twelve.

Was he a bad boy?

He wasn't a bad boy. He was really nice. I made him wait nine months and then I let him put his penis inside and then it was game over school.

I did not want to from here.

Oh no, they actually called my parents and he's got so much potential, and she was doing so well and we don't know what's happening.

To her, just smells of cop.

I was skipping classes. I was Yeah, anyway, there you go. Once you pop, you can't stop right it.

Did your parents try and get you back on track?

They tried desperately.

Yeah.

What sort of methods did they try?

Locking me in my room, that's surrounding me.

They're all things that are known to work.

Nothing really worked. I used to wait till they went to bed, and they don't sneak out.

Of the house.

No chastity bell, yeah like that.

Yeah, but well, my dad was really strict. He was a police prosecutor. I was his firstborn as well as a daughter.

Do you remember then bringing your boyfriend at the time home. Did he meet your dad?

Yes?

How did he respond?

No? He was fine, he wasn't. It's a two story house and his name was Darren. Dad.

We used to call him Big Daz.

That was his.

Nickname because he wasn't big at all. He was beginning boyfriend. No, my dad's big b Oh, there's lots of bigs, right, No, Darren. His nickname was Big Daz or Tripod because he had a big dick.

Yeah.

I didn't want to say.

It, so they called yeah.

No. He had to.

He had to be obviously very respectful.

My dad is very big on respect and manners, and so he would have to sit at the bottom of the staircase while I went upstairs to get changed or do whatever. We dated for two years as well. I don't think he ever stepped foot in my bedroom that your.

Dad knows of. Anyway, my dad knows was listening.

But what happened, let's never tell my dad about this podcast. All that did was make me go outside of the family home to have sex. So I was in bushes and cars and places where you know, not as.

Safe totally, well the bushes actually.

But in his head he was like, ou out of mind. As long as it's not happening under my roof, I don't want to know about it.

Well, then when did your now husband? Where did he come into the scene.

I met Brian when I was twenty eight. Okay, yeah, he came over to my house. He met my parents. We were playing a game of winking murder around the table.

What is w's winking murder?

You divvy out cards and whoever gets I think it's the joker or the king, you're the murderer and then everyone It's quite odd, right, It's a weird game to play, especially when you're introducing your new partner and you're all just staring at each other and you got a wink on the sly right and not be caught by everybody else at the table, and then you have to pretend to die, so you have to wait a couple of seconds then go.

Ah, and other people have to work out who did that?

So why was Ryan in your house at a time?

Who initiated that?

So we had like a family dinner, Yeah, and he had come over to meet my.

Mum and dad.

Very daunting.

Yes, So we had the dinner. My brothers were there with their partners. Ryan came over, We played winking murder. Ryan's fiercely competitive. Somehow managed to win Winking Murder, and he did this like.

Interesting because your dad having a prosecutor, you'd think he'd be all over that, what.

You would, but you know what, he was all over So Ryan, Ryan does this thing where he gets when he gets really nervous, he gets extra loud and boisterous, and he almost comes across like a bit of a cocksucker because he's over compensating for being really nervous. So he won Winking Murder and he's kind of picked me up and pretended to do this WWE wrestling move where he slams me over his knee. God like, it didn't hurt me, but my dad after he left was like,

I never wanted to touch my daughter.

I don't know if I'm comfortable with that kind of stuff. So, you know, got brought up in the wedding speech, he gets reminded about it.

Yeah, nothing like a good first impression. And so then at what point, how far into the relationship, after you guys had met it twenty eight did you think, Wow, this this is the one. Yeah?

God, it was just really easy with Ryan.

He's quite the hunk.

Can say he's pretty hunky.

He's. Yeah, look the dark hair and the blue eyes he is. He's getting a bit of salt and pepper in the beard, which I'm into. His dad is quite attractive. Listen to this, this is what we want, and he is and Ryan does look very similar to him, so I'm like tick right. Yeah, I actually think that Ryan, as we get older, is getting more attractive. So I've done well there. But it was just he's a good time. I have more fun when he's with me as opposed

Yeah, I think that's key.

When you can take the piss out of each other, it's like makes everything else so much easier. It's when like you're too serious. I notice, like when I meet couples and they're, oh my god, they can't make fun of each other. It's like, how does that work at home? Is it like a library where does no one talks like, and I think it has.

I think a big component of our marriage is we're really great friends. Yeah, and I think that definitely helps because like the last that fucked off real quick.

I'm always a big believer in like having similarities with your partners. Some people are like, it's opposites that are tracked, and I'm like, no, you want to be on the same page, the same energy. And then when it comes to having a fan only that can be a tricky one because sometimes they tick all the boxes everywhere. Else then they don't want to you know, they don't want to have the same once is what you want. Yeah, I don't want six kids.

Also get values like values too.

It's kind of like you could be happy, go luck, you're having so much funer. Then it's like, I don't want kids. I don't want I don't believe in that. I don't believe in that. I think it's really important that you do, even if it's not exactly the same.

Fine some sort of.

Yeah, and we also love the same things, like we love eating like we love but like eating out really good food.

He's an exceptional cook. I'm a fantastic eater.

I've seen your stories where You're just like, he's just like got to cook up this big thing for a couple of people coming in, and.

He loves it. So I was like, that's great because I hate cooking.

Do you remember kind of saying to Ryan at any point, let's start talking about a family.

I'm pretty sure I spoke about it on our first date. I think he asked me like.

I was like, I'm not fucking around.

I'd just gotten out of a pretty hectic, shitty, toxic relationship and I was like, I'm gonna lay all my cards out. I think he actually asked, do you want kids? And I was like, yeah, I do, Victor. Now right now we can practice No. I think we discussed it on the first day. Wow, we did have a few new gronies so pretally like.

Yeah, yeah at twenty eight as well.

Around thirty two, so like early twenties you were.

Clog sticken pretty much.

Did you plan this is when we're going to have or did it happen just along the way.

This story is wild. No, nothing was planned.

I I didn't make him wait as long as I made Big Das wait, Big Da.

Just big Daer did have a decent sized cock.

Yeah, No, Ryan did. I still made him wait a little bit. My thing is if you're into them, you don't give it up straight away. This is about three weeks.

That's actually better than most people today.

But we had gone to the city to serf, you know, the city deserf.

I was living in Bellby Hill.

For anyone who doesn't know outside of Sydney is what you run from the city to the serf to Bondai. It's like fourteen It's massive. Everyone runs and then gets ship faced.

Yeah, and it sounds amazing.

It's yeah, I definitely don't do the running part. I'm just there to get And so I had been at a party in Bondi from like eleven am and he had been somewhere else. He was living in Paddington, and then we somehow met at Icebergs. It's all a very blurry and we went home together and then I I remember waking up in the morning and he was next to me and I.

Was like, wow, like I am so hungover.

And he was like yeah, same, and he goes, so, I think you've wet the bed. I was like, what, No, I haven't, and he goes, no, no, you definitely have. I actually thought it was me to begin with, and then I've realized, no, it's definitely coming from Amy's side.

But I also was just too hungover.

He was like, I kind of wanted to leg it, but I didn't. I'm still here, and I feel like in that very moment, it's all comes down to how I was going to play it right, Like if I wigged out and got really embarrassed and awkward, it would have just made the situation. It was already.

Straight to him.

Yeah.

No, I was just like, oh, yes, pissed, did that really happen?

And I just kind of made a joke about.

It, like it always happens.

It's a thing in our family, Like it's not in the med it's in the corner. That's what happens after a few drinks. And so that was the first night we spent together. And then the next night we ended up having a shower together, and I again after a few drinks, quite a few drinks after a big night.

Out, so eat in the shower.

I didn't we on the shower, but I actually didn't remember having the shower with him.

And I woke up the next morning, I was like, when I go my hair, like I always think about the Bachelor. You know, you go on these dates and all these girls jump in the water.

I'm like, how me. I'd jump in the water.

Looking like this, and then I'd come out looking like Hagrid from Harry Potter, right, like full afro, curly hair. And I woke up and I've transformed into the.

Real met and I was like, why the fuck is my hair curly?

He was like, oh, we had a shower, and then I was like wow. So the first two nights that we spent together off to Flying Star Beautiful. Yeah, you try to get to the first time we had sex was.

Going to lead to like getting pregnant.

Oh, I didn't get pregnant the first time we.

Had set I thought.

That did get pregnant very early on.

Though, But I'm enjoying the first Let's move to the third time.

That's where I got pregnant.

And so when you felt pregnant? Was that one planned with Charlie.

No, We've been dating for about five and a half months, oh, very early five and a half maybe six months. We had thankfully had one trip over to America. He'd broken up with his ex. He was meant to go to Coachella, so he had these tickets which he couldn't get the flights refunded.

So he was like, do you want to go on a holiday?

And I was like, sure, with you, it's probably going to put our relationship into a blender, but why not test it out. Yeah, So we went to San Francisco, Santa Barbara, La, over to Mexico, Player del Carmen, onto Tulum. I'll tell you what best thing we ever did, because let me tell you, it's the only international holiday that we have ever had on our own.

Oh wow.

Right, okay, so we've had this incredible holiday which kind of just cemented our love for each other. Came back, moved together in Surrey Hills, went to the races. I had a big day there, somehow ended up at the stables.

So, okay, fast forward.

A couple of weeks and my girlfriend tells me that she's pregnant and I was like, oh my god, I'm like two days late as well.

Wouldn't that be funny?

And she's like, oh, I do a test and I was like, I don't even.

Know Ryan's middle name, Like I'm not doing it.

Oh wow, okay, And then I did a test and my eggs were fertilized.

We've spoken about this before, very stupidly. Do you pee on the stick?

That's what we said that don't you dip the stick in?

So it depends how full my bladdery is.

If I know that there's a huge amount of weed in there, I will run the goatland and just hold the stick there.

But if I know do I need to pee? Do I not? I'll get a cup.

Clever, then you can dip it.

Look at these two white idiots try to work out you dip the stick or shove the stick up or shove it across.

We were just like, fuck, I don't know.

I put the stick in, and then you will, and then we are each other. Do you remember when you saw and again very naive here is it like two lines or what do you get from it?

No?

I got the digital ones.

So told me that not only I was pregnant, but that I was also two plus weeks pregnant. So which makes me, I think, I'll say the two plus or three plus, which makes me the four or five weeks pregnant?

When were you living a party lifestyle around then? So I sort of put a real halt on that real quick too.

I bet my twenties were like a party lifestyle. Lived overseas for three years. He had a good ten years of partying as well. His ex was in music, so they did loads of travel, festivals and stuff. So whilst yes, we were in the honeymoon period and we were having a really.

Good time, I didn't know what to do.

I called my mom first, which was a huge mistake because I could have procreated with a wombat and she would have been like, she would like, yeah, yeah, And I was like, before you rush out and buy me a bugger booth, I have to let Ryan know, and I'm going to call Ryan and I'll have a chat with him first, and so, you know, the normal thing would have been to like talk to Ryan face to

Anyway, I was quite taken back. He was pretty excited. Yeah, so.

That was basically how our first child was conceived.

Did you get married before?

It was after He proposed to me when I was nine months pregnant and looking like.

A whale, a luga whale.

I turned into like a rectangle, so not overly attractive engagement photos. But we had my daughter in December on Christmas Eve, and then we got married the following year in November, so she was at our wedding, which is really.

Weirdly similar to me. And yeah, we got got engaged when she was like eight months pregnant, and then got married in Evan. But what that? Oh what it's just like looking into.

It also mean on the Bachelor. Wow?

And then the transition into motherhood was that beautiful? Was it elegant? Was it a fairy tale? Was it everything you imagined?

Oh?

No, No, I always loved kids.

I love babysitting, I love babies, I love looking after kids. I was probably a small child myself until I had one, So I actually thought I was a bit of a I don't know, a bit confident over cold almost Yeah, I was like, oh sweet, But the pregnancy ruined me, and then the birth kind of ruined me. And then when she came out, she obviously arrived early, she was thirty seven weeks, she was tiny, she had jaundice. The midwife was like, you've got a breastfeed her every two hours.

It's going to sound really dumb here jaundice is.

When you're I was going to ever grow out of it? Yellow kid, I've got a really brown kid and a really white kid.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like you can be the most confident and prepared as possible, but it still hits you like a freight train.

We always say that you'll never be prepared enough. No matter how much you read or you know or get advice, You're never going to be prepared. What's actually going to be in front of you when it happens.

Yeah, And I think like there's so much contradicting feedback out there, Like you've got Save our Sleep that tells you to put them into a routine from birth, and you've got everyone else saying that it's bloody cruel to do that and to let them cry out. And so for everything that you come across, you've got conflicting evidence as to why you shouldn't do that way. And so I was like, I'm just going to lean into my

Like what do I do next?

There's no manual, all instinct, right.

It is instinct, and I think a lot of women probably do struggle with that because a lot of people are very heavy, routine based. I've never been routine based. I'm a bit of a fly by your seat kind of pants, no, fly by your pants kind of see. Well, you know what I'm trying to say, and just kind of go with the flow, which I feel like helps with motherhood because babies throw so many curveballs.

When you're getting figured out one week and.

Change it with that ongoing thing where it's like, oh, I slept so good last night, Let's repeat.

Exactly what we did last night.

What time did I feed them?

Yes, so it was it was hard. I feel like any mum who says it's easy would be lying. It's always a transition, but it does. I feel like the first six weeks it's just like you're getting used to your new role. The baby's like, what the fuck? Who's looking after me? You know, if you're breastfeeding, that can be quite challenging. Well, so it was intense.

How can I ask eight years ago now? Yes, what was it like back then with men taking matt leave? Because it's changed quite a lot in recent years. Did Ryan get much time off? Work.

He took about two three weeks off, but I mean, he wasn't that helpful that.

Was going to be The next question was like how did he adapulate?

Like I would rather have had my mom there, just because I feel like Ryan, he's a simple dude, right Like if I say to him, hey, can you do this for me, he'll absolutely do it. But he won't take the initiative and do it. He's better there, he's better now.

Sounds like sounds like my house. It was like, if I'd ever told you to do it, that's right, you wouldn't do it, that's right.

Whereas my mum would walk in the door and she just hits the ground running.

She's putting on loads of washing, she's putting on dinner, she's making the beds, changing the sheets, blah blah blah. She just she's doing all the things that I.

Need to do and don't need to ask her.

So, if there's any dads out there who were making just about.

To become a parent and clear, what.

Would your advice be to them? What are the things they can do to help out with their partner around the house.

Just stay on top of the washing for your partner.

Just one thing.

No, no, no, no, just get my list out I would be doing, especially if your wife is breastfeeding, because the onus is all on you. I breastfed Charlie, and again because she was small and she had breast milk jaundice, they were like, you need to keep pumping her with breast milk. So I was breastfeeding her every two hours and then burping, changing napp is, settling, and then basically breastfeeding again.

Yeah, it was like a dairy cow.

And so for me, what would have really helped in that situation would have been if he had just kind of started, you know, helping around the house with the washing.

And he was always.

Pretty good with the food. He makes sure that we were always fed. But make sure you're fed, make sure there's always water nearby, stay on top of the the household judies.

Yeah. Washing yea. Yeah, there's only like a split second, maybe like once every two or three months, where the washing is done, and then that shit just piles.

Right straight away. April does two loads a day. It's crazy. I'm like, sometimes I feel like she's just doing loads for the sake of it to happen.

She's just looking there and it's like two things. And then taking the washing out from the war drovee. I'm just leave it.

If I stop now, I won't pick it back up again.

With your relationship with Ryan, because you guys have been together for the five months five minutes. Yeah, obviously you then have that time when you're pregnant, but you can't travel. You can't you're not the same as you were before pregnancy. So you guys, so early on, how did you adjust to that change of being, you know, parents, when you've only been together for such a short period of time.

Well, it's funny, you asked, because I feel like even now we've been together for what nine years, and I feel like I'm still getting to know him. I feel like only in the last couple of years have I been like, wow, like you are quite a slob. Like I feel like all of this stuff is coming out, and I think I don't know whether it was a

Bout you're becoming his mum?

I think I just missed all this stuff. So I'm kind of getting to still know him. He was a fantastic partner in terms of taking on parenting head on. After knowing him for you know, a year or so, I feel like if I had done it with anybody else, it would have gone tits up real quick.

I think I knew that.

I don't know if I would have had a baby with anybody else that soon after meeting them. I know that sounds cliche and corny, but I was meant to be.

I knew that Ryan was my guy.

Trying to make up for it after calling him a slow.

It's pissing on the.

Bed, that's like, and he stayed with me after that.

If anyone wants to, it's like the easiest way to just like sense, check if they're a lifetime partner or not. Just piss on them and then wake up and be like, what's it going to be?

Very good?

And then with baby number two and number three. Obviously when you were younger, you wanted to have a family of six. After the trials and tribulations of baby number one, did you want to jump straight back into being a second time mom.

Yes.

Charlie was the Dalai Lama. She was a really easy, textbook baby. She slept pretty early on. She like, we breastfed for a year and I loved it. She was chill, she was a happy little girl.

Well whatever.

So then yes, we got married and I was like, let's go for gold. You know, let's keep pumping, you know, six, five to.

Go, right, If you said five more, I'd be like, whoa.

So then I had my second son, no, my second child, Bobby, and he was even easier as a baby. He was an absolute legend. Couldn't breastfeed him. He had a really severe tongue tie. And the first thing I said when he came out, he kind of like cannon balled out of me ninety minutes.

And they like pulled him up and I.

Was like, where is his chin? He's got a tiny, teeny tiny little chin and it's quite recessed.

And it was the first I mean, I love him. He's gorgeous.

But I was like, that was the first line that came out of my mouth.

That I saw him.

She was like, it's there.

The fuck he's a beautiful baby.

Amy nice chin man.

So it's the family he's been born into. Like that's how we show our love with softly bullied.

Yeah.

So we had quite a lot of issues with him breastfeeding. I couldn't breasfeed him. He had his tongue TI revised, but.

That fucking sucks. So I swear breastfeeding. If that's good, life is great. If it's bad, that can derail everything everything.

Yeah, And I think the biggest thing is if I had had because I really wanted to breastfeed and I loved breastfeeding Charlie.

We had a great journey with it.

But my thing is all that matters is that the baby's feded and is happy and I'm happy, and if that's through breastfeeding, great, And if it's not through breastfeeding, it's sure shit going to be formula feeding. So I tried with Bobby, and I tried, and I tried, and he was just screaming and he wasn't putting on weight. And my Titi is like volcanoes. They're angry, they want to be milked, and he just couldn't get it. So

To express every feed.

I also had a twenty two month at home, so I was like fuck that, straight onto formula. Happiest kid on earth, slept through the night straight away from eight months. Great, loved having two kids, super confident, Mum went out, we did everything, started a mum's group. Let's go, let's go for gold with a third. We'd spoken about it.

Ryan was on board.

Ryan was on board.

Kind of he Ryan's one of two. Ryan was like, do you want a third? Like two is great? My nan, who had six, was like, two is really good.

Yeah, I've got six.

You had six, and she goes, but two is like you have a really easy life and you've got one.

Kid's always got one. Parent got too strongly.

I do understand what she's saying now, because three is I mean, I was one of three, but I do always feel like with three one kind of sometimes gets a little bit left out.

Which one is it?

It's always the middle child?

Is it just you the middle child? You're bang in the middle of five? Though everyone forgot man, were you fourth or sex?

Smack bang in the middle.

Yeah, so it's tough.

You're right, you want to talk about it.

I'm one of two and I'm the favorite.

Yeah, I was the first one.

Yeah, I think that's like it's funny. Where at the point now Ash has had the snip where debating whether or not to go for a third Yep, And it's not me or I yeah, like is it good or bad? Give it to me straight?

Well, listen, I had all three under four years, so my I did want four, but I also wanted four when I had one at school, so I only ever really wanted two at home.

That was the game plan. It didn't work out like that.

I mean, I know how babies are created, but I also am pretty in tune with my cycle, and I know when the danger zone is and wh're not.

And I distinctly remember Ryan and I.

Say that and you got pregnant accident.

Yeah, I know what the danger zone is.

I think we all know where the danger zone is.

But I distinctly remember Ryan and I having some adult fun one night and I said to him. He was like, oh, should I pull out? And I was like, yeah, just to be safe, and he was like, I thought.

We were playing the winking I'm sorry, and then sure, shit.

I was pregnant with Kobe. So when my third was born, Charlie was only three years old and three and eight months three at home absolutely pushed me over the edge. I do have girlfriends who have three when the first one or the first two are at school, and they love it. It's chaos, but it's good, like it's a I feel like it's a noisy house. I also feel like it's the boys like for me, Charlie again. Dalai Lama up fingerpainting in her room makes no noise. But

Yeah, and like as they get older too, it's just going to be like then they'll get like all sudden, all this testosterone. Then I'll go in to pubery and I'll be in the house beating each other up.

Yeap, yeah, well they already do that.

Oh yeah.

My kind of routine at the moment is the girls aren't in daycare on Thursdays, in daycare every other day, but sometimes like recently, Marley was six, so I had a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And I absolutely love my children to dath, but Monday morning sending them off to daycare, I'm.

Like, hellelujah.

Oh yeah, yeah.

I always think, like full time stay at home parents, especially to three kids, like when you're battling, when you're exhausted, when the kids are being a nightmare, how do you kind of pull yourself out of that rut?

Can I tell you When I had Charlie and then I had Bobby and Kobe, and I was a stay at home mum. I had fully immersed myself into that and I knew no different, right. I actually feel like what I'm doing now is harder because I'm one foot out, but I've still got Kobe Monday and Tuesday. And then what I'm still doing is I'm still doing all the stay at home mum shit.

So I'm still doing all the school lunches and.

The dropping to school and then picking them up from school and the extracurriculum activities and all of that kind of stuff. But I'm also working. So all I've done

Kids are always around house.

Always looked like I've bin ransacked by bin chickens, but it was fine. Whereas now and I'm loving my work and I'm loving being able to jump onto the podcast and talk and be creative on socials and all that kind of stuff. But then trying to switch back into mum mode. It's that I find quite difficult.

Yeah, okay, yeah, it's the balance, Like, yeah, I suppose that you're saying you're fully focused on one thing, it's much easier.

But if you're half focused on something, that's kind of like, I.

Feel like I'm doing everything in my life. Yeah, at fifty percent.

But also it's like your work. The schedule is always changing, so it's not as if your work can be confined to just one day, like on a Wednesday, because it's always going to spill out to the other day. So if you're trying to hang out with your child and then all of a sudden, your phone's ringing and then you've got emails and.

You tat Nash, you got to go and record.

Yeah, well that's exactly right as well, like with Instagram and content creating, there's no structure and writing the book, I just had to write it around my kids and podcasting and trying to get guests on and the emails are constantly going off, so you're trying to be a present parent, but you're also like, I would rather be doing my emails because I don't want to play cafe with you for the.

Time, and you really.

Sometimes you catch yourself and you're like, fuck, I can do this later, yeah, and then ten seconds later your baculate, I could do this now.

So here is cocomelon.

Yeah.

I want to ask about Charlie and her relationship with your husband, because I've spoken a lot about the fact that Lola, who's my second born, absolutely hates me, hates me so much, yeah, but will kick me in the face on purpose multiple times if I even look at her when she's in our bed. And you've mentioned that Charlie and Ryan don't quiet get along as well as the other kids.

She's not as violent as Lola.

But Charlie, even from birth, has just been a mummies girl, through it through. It's not even she has an aversion to her dad. She just doesn't. She kin'd of just not interested in men. Great, let's hold onto that.

Let's be like.

Ryan, so I think as well, because we are done having kids. Ryan when it had the snip after the third Ryan desperately wants to have a little daddy's girl, and the more he tries, the more she.

Is just pushing back on him.

You can smell the desperation she can a mile away.

She's also start she's very switched on now, so now she uses it to her advantage. So if I am going out or something and she's like, you know, Lev, you're not going leaving me with Dad, and she is so familiar, and then Ryan will be like, but Charlie, Charlie, I'll let you stay up. Like you can have vice cream, you can have desperation, you can watch, you can watch YouTube.

Kids are an extra hour.

And she's like, if I say no to things, which I say no to her a lot of times she goes and ask.

Dad anything she wants.

Like the bribing of Charlie to to get her to love him is pathetic.

And it doesn't work.

I can say, only him, Ryan, it's not working, Like maybe just play it cool and let her.

Come to you, but he can't. I don't know what it is. She's even like that with my dad, with her pa. She's a girly girl. She loves the girls, she loves the Army.

What you're saying, keep working at it.

But it's comforting to know there's other dads out there going through it, but also ship to know that.

Also, just don't be desperate treated me and keeping keen. Maybe you've got to try that, said that to him.

Yeah, but he's treated me and he he doesn't know how to quite do that. Like he'll get really angry at her and then she's hysteric, crying in tears, and I was like, oh.

It just made it worse. Yeah, yeah, but you.

Know what, I was a bit like that. I'm actually only close now with my dad and.

I what age did that kind of start to shift?

Shifted when I moved out, when I stopped living with You've got.

A long way to go, But I have faith because I feel like she's she hasn't always been like this, right. She did used to love like I've seen footage of them together and it was like there was love there and just lately, so I think that you've got an opportunity. What Amy's saying is from day dot, girly girl, I think you've got an opportunity to turn it around.

Did something happen?

Yeah, man, yeah, did you drop her?

I think the dummy well kind of similar to your situation. It was always a case of like from birth, I couldn't really settle her. It was always Laura. She would only and then she didn't sleep that well in the cot would sleep in your arms, but not in my arms, in Laura's arms. So it was always a case of she definitely preferred mum. But then the real changer was when we took away the dummy, and that was just like.

It wasn't me, it was he got blamed though. I think it was kind of like I remember we were recording over that time. It was close to Christmas and like it was it was very tense about yeah, yeah, and then you had to give.

It back eventually, didn't you.

We folded, folded, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was just with some friends on the weekend. It did the similar to you, like the Santa thing, and then they folded baby and they were like.

Nah, dummies is one that was really really hard. Is it any part of parenting, like big transitions that you've struggled with?

Charlie had a dummy, But this is probably where I went wrong as a first time mum. I had given her a dummy, not just for sleep, just for at any point on the day.

I'd be like, yeah, for sure, it's kind of like a mute button.

She would be sitting on the couch just watching the Wiggles. I'm like, dummy, I don't know why and so she was like a dummy addict. And then at about eight months I found I had I had put about forty dummies in her cot because she would wake up and she'd be looking for it.

So I was like, here you go, here's forty of them.

I'll scatter them around and she would just pick them up and she just throw them out of the cot. Mam, pick them up, throw them out of cot. And I remember ringing Chicillian and they were like, you're gonna have to wean her off the dummy k because she's playing with you now. Even when we were at Westfield, she'd put it in, she just throw it and so I'd be like, oh, he's another one. I've got forty of them in my back and just throw it. So I was talking to my mom about it, my mom mother Teresa,

But I'm a massive pussy.

Like and I love sleep, so I can't do the first night and she was like, bring around, and so I remember I was like perfect. I had a wedding to go to. Mum was already going to be babysitting and Mom was like, I'll do the first night for you.

My mom was up the.

Entire night and she was just settling her without the dummy. And I got there the next day and she was like bags under her eyes, and she said, don't you dare give her a dummy tonight. I've done the first night. I've broken the camel's back for you. You got a hold firm. And so the second night it was.

My mom would have killed me. The second night was a little bit.

Tough, and she did wake a couple of times, and I just went in and suited her.

Third night she slept straight through.

There you go it. I mean, I don't know if that was it. You were more than that.

Yeah, we did.

We did a couple of weeks and then it just a couple of weeks would have broken me.

I would have been like, have all stiffy tape one to your mouth.

I never had that problem. I thankfully. Once we just took them off, that was it.

Well, it's funny because with the boys they were so easy. With Bobby, I was like, fuck, I'm not making that mistake again. So his dummy was only for bedtime.

And then when.

Bobby was about three, I was like Hey, buddy, it's Easter, and what happens tonight is Easter Bunny comes around and he collect every single dummy and he takes them to all the newborn babies, and.

So let's go around.

We collected every single dummy of his and I said, and we'll put it in the basket and then he might leave you some chocolate instead, and he asked yep. He asked for it once the next night, and then never again. And then Kobe again had the dummy for sleep. And then when he got a big boy bed at two, which was the worst mistake of my life, I was like, hey, they were sharing a room. I was like, Bobby's got a big boy bed. You've got a big boy bed.

I don't even remember Macie having a dummy, to be honest, Oscar had it more, but like I only really young, and then he sort of I don't really recall.

I wouldn't know if it was hard work.

As I know, you have to head off very soon. I actually do have a couple of listening questions before you go, if I can just fire them at you. Yeah, the first one is one that I don't understand, but you might. I hope you can enlighten me, they said. Ask her about the pair?

Oh yeah, actually April. April asked me the same thing.

What's the pair?

Pair?

We have a pair at home, do you what's the pair?

Is an incredible Let's call it a sex toy, because that's what it is. But it's not like a big, phalic, pink looking thing that you ram up inside you. It could pass as a paperweight. It is in the shape of a pair. It's called the Essential Vibe, but I nicknamed it the Pair about two years ago.

And it is stuck.

Yeah, one of those suction ones. No, I've actually never used a toy.

When you come over and excellent use my wife.

No, it's not for you, although you could probably press it against.

Your I've never used a toy with Laura.

You need to get her a pair. You might become redundant.

Though.

It's a good time. Does April like it?

Yes?

Loves it?

Yeah?

Do you use it?

Yeah? So you use it together?

How during during?

Not on yourself?

No? No, No, it's waterproof, so we take it in the shower.

Is this appropriate for a parenting?

Appropriate mums?

All moms need the pair Amy fifth.

Good guys, we'll put in the notes of the show.

What's your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is losing my parents because I am a small child all of a sudden, all over again.

I don't know.

I think when I had my own children, I was like, well, I was such an asshole to my mom and dad and I love them so much and they were so good to me, and I have I always respected them and I've always loved them, but I have so much more respect since becoming a parent myself, and I will perish when they pass on.

Yeah. It was like, now my mom is seventy three. She just left the house before we started recording, and you're like, oh my god, you're really old.

Yes, my dad just had a birthday and I rang him to say happy birthday.

Was it was like, do you know how old I am?

I was like sixty one, sixty two and he was like plus six and I was like, what, you're sixty eight?

All yeah?

And I was like, oh, I felt weirdly anxious about it.

Don't no one startle him?

Very last question is from Madeline, and she says, what is the secret to successfully juggling everything? Fuck?

I don't know.

I would live.

One of those parents who was nailing the juggle being a mum, but also then doing multiple other projects. For example, after this, you're going to go straight into recording the audio book.

Yeah, for your book.

No, I'm going to the podcast tomorrow. I actually don't think there is a secret to it. I actually don't think anybody knows the answer. I think every mum and parent, every dad out there as well. I think everybody's always just doing the best that they can. It's funny because Madeline is it. Maddie obviously perceives me to be able to like she probably thinks that I'm doing a really great job at juggling it. I mean, I sent my kids to school in the wrong uniform yesterday. I am

That's all you can do.

You're constantly working at it, right, and next year it's going to be completely different because your kid's going to be older.

Yeah, that's right.

Goes back to when you said if any parent out there says that it's easy.

And Matt mentioned your book. You've got a book that's currently pre sale yourself in.

Yes, it is.

Myself.

Although you can get no work done into that pair.

Strap yourself in. Yes, that is my biggest achievement. I mean after having three children. Of course that was hard. That was a hard.

Slog writing that.

But I think it will be a good read. It's mostly for women, I'm going to probably say that. And it's not just a parenting book. It's all about the expectations that we have that we put on ourselves sometimes in life and what the reality of them actually look like and how they never fucking marry up right. But it's not just parenting and stuff. It's it's marriage. You know, what we thought marriage was going to look like versus

So and it's it's not out right now, but it's available.

For pre It is available for pre sale. It is coming out on the third of April. There'll be a few little a huge pr schedule, which is wild Na will be there.

Yeah, you better be as.

Two of your biggest male supporters.

Yes, I'm going to bring my par along, bring your.

Yeah, and get ge Laura a pair.

We'll add a link to the presale in the show notes for.

Amy Gerard, thank you so much and sorry it's taken so long to sit down and get this interview done, but it's been an absolute pleasure.

Thank you. Than you so much for coming. You appreciate it.

If you've liked this episode, please of course leave a little review on Apple Podcasts.

Do you know where We've started getting some really nice reviews? Spotify?

Oh, you can do it there too, do it on both.

I mean you asked my preferences is the old Apple podcast. But mate, some lovely reviews that I've read read through. You should have a look. They will fill your cup right up good.

And we also mentioned in that episode that Amy has a book on presale, so we'll also put that in the show notes for you as well. Maybe we'll check that little pair discount play in there as well.

Was keen to sink their teeth into pair for one of the ras?

Very good And.

If there's any other mums or dads you would like us to interview, please throw your suggestions waging. We'll do our best to make it happen and we'll see you guys next Wednesday for a normal f Thank Give F two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all.

Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land