#153 Peanut Butter Lunch, Stool Samples And Fake Illnesses

You in the video we did about the tens machine. Yes, I do recall a couple of comments on this. There was one Ash that said, why is his hair always dirty?

Who's well? I think me? I'd had on, didn't I? Yeah, yeah?

Is my hair? It's always a bit ship? I showered, I brushed it kind of.

Why do you mean it's not dirty?

It's maybe their phone's dirty and it's just reflecting on your hair.

I don't wash my hair. Why, Okay, who washes their hair?

Well?

I mean is it a problem? Are sure to put water on it? Of course washed?

Of course it's always a bit because the back is a bit self conscious.

I almost wore a beanie today. That would look weird if he wore a beanie.

Okay, it's not doing any favors for myself. And welcome back to two noting dads.

I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable. And there is no.

Advice from Ash, from myself, from anyone, no real advice in this episode advice. We're not about giving advice. What we are about is giving advice.

No, no, sorry, what are we about very well, go on confusing, this is what we're about.

Let me tell you something.

Let me tell you what happened today just really quickly was fresh, okay, oscar this morning in bed for a cuddle, love that then.

Very coldest morning was one of the coldest mornings.

Look, my house is just freezing all the time. It is so fucking cold.

But we have a I just want to say, when I wake up a morning's like today and I'm cold, I think of you.

I think of you and you're technically homeless. I was like, God, I hope it's okay up there. Homeless are warmer than me.

Anyway, we have an electric blanket all right on our on our bed. I'm not allowed to have the electric so on because I left it on one too many times.

So.

I've been banned.

So when mom goes to the gym and the kids coming for a cuddle, we scooped you on over to the side, to the affluent side of the bed.

And like in India when there's like literally one road and on one side it's like the four people and on the other side it's a nice house.

It's like anyway, so we scooped over and Oscar's like, oh, got a bit of a sore throat brow you sick?

And I was like, oh, I guess you can't go on your excursion today. Is just kidding, I'm just kidding, And I was like, yeah, so it gotcha. Anyway, he's super excited about that about the first excursion at big school today.

They're getting on.

A bus, a chartered bus all together, the whole grade grade.

Such a dad thing you got me. Don't ask me what to choose GPS, because I won't be able to tell that either.

Super excited this morning, Joshing off to school. He wanted to go early. He's got to watch. You gotta watch for his birthday. So now he thinks he can tell the time, and it's annoying.

What watch did you get him? It's just a digital Minecraft one.

It just has like the numbers it's right, and he can be like it's nine three.

But he has no idea what that means.

No, he has no idea what that means. So anyway, he went to school really excited. And I've just received a text message from April, who happens to be my wife also the mother of my children, and she says devastating. I'll just get you to read this out.

Ah, she's it's a school email. School, it's a formal email dear parents and cares. It's very inclusive.

I like that.

It is with great disappointment. It is with great sorry. It is with great disappointment that we were notified this morning by the Charter Bus company that they had canceled our booking.

For today's excursion to Gibburagong.

It's an indigenous site. Don't shush me?

Is it because I'm indigenous? You wanted to shush me? That was an acknowledgment of country for anyone wondering ash, what are your background?

Is indigenous?

And MWe kindergarten students have returned to their classroom and the excursion will be rebooked for a later date.

Oh, it's dis a point, that is it's devastating.

That's bad management. Do you reckon? Was it at the fold of the bus company or do you reckon? They went to one of the teachers said, how you did booking that bus? That's what's happened.

I reckon. That's the thing.

When there's too many fingers in the pie, things get missed. So April said devastating. Of course, absolutely, And she said, so sad. I feel for him, And my response was, he also needs to understand disappointment.

So turn it into a teaching He's a good emotions to experience. And do you reckon right now? He's going, Oh God, Tickles come back.

Yeah, yeah, it'd be a sick babe afternoon, that's for sure. That is sad. That is really sad. That is really sad. I want to I want to get to the bottom of that roll. Keep your post. Who was a fault here? We'll launch a full investigation.

Because if it wasn't the bus company, they're being defamed right now, the good parents of the Northern Beaches. Right now, all the disappointment is targeted towards that bus company.

Yeah, for sure, I don't know who it is. I'd name and shame if I knew. Can you dig a little deeper I will be digging a little bit deeper stuff soon. I'll get to the bottom of it for you. Wow, you're really upset about it.

I can see. No, I'm rattled.

I do want to ask about Oscar's birthday. Oh yeah, I do want to ask. But before I got about that, But before I go into Oscar's birthday. I want to talk about me.

I love that and what a standout guy.

I am.

Okay, that's enough about you anyway.

If I may say so myself, you know I'm was someone ash that in any situation.

I feel like you're setting this up to be a real fall from grace.

If there is ever someone in need, anyone, gender, age, nationality.

I'll help anyone, inclusive of you. Very inclusive that that email was very inclusive. Yes, yes, you know.

I don't want to put myself in situations where I need to be heroic, But at the same time, those situations seem to find me. It's almost like the universe knows that I'm the kind of person that will look at danger in the face and front it head on.

You're a hero in disguise. What do you mean? So you're just in disguise as a regular person. Thank you, but you are somewhat of a hero. I would say thank you. I will accept that with open arms. You're welcome. Do you want to know what happened?

Yeah?

No, I don't know.

It would be very awkward if you were like, I don't to give a shit and that's all we got time for So I was getting a coffee the other morning, ash in the morning cold.

I do you know how you love your coffee?

I love a morning coffee. You know, there's very much a line in the sand, pre coffee, post coffee.

And what was that?

Came in?

There was a light trying to think where were going with that? I'm like, did you shot yourself?

As I was going into the cafe, there was a lady who was tying a dog up to a chair. She was going to order her coffee as well. Big staffy I think it was a staffy. As she finished tying the dog to the chair, which was a metal chair. The chair he kind of like shrugged a bit, the chair rattle.

He worked out that it didn't weigh very much. Well, he he, I don't. I wouldn't go that far. I would.

He got a little bit startled by the noise of the chair. Oh shit, okay, So he kind of like was like oh. The dog was like oh fuck is that? And the chair was like oh And he was like, oh, hang on, I took a step back. And then as he took a step back, the chair followed him and he was like, oh, looka that's a bit you know, it's a bit scary for the dog. Dog doesn't know

Oh my goodness.

And from then on it just snowballed. So this dog then got fully freaked out started running away. And as the dog ran away, this chair, this chair is chasing the dog.

This metal chair is balancing up and down the road. At this point, it's like trying to outrun you shadow. And this lady is like she's an older lady.

She's like, Billa, Billy, no bet, it's still young Billy, Phillip, please Billy.

And I'm watching this unfold and I'm like, God, you gotta start running. And I was like, do I do?

I just really want to get my coffee. I get my coffee first and then I can help her. And no one was helping this lady. And this dog was now running through the car park and this chair like balancing luckily missed all the cars.

Oh that is lucky. And she's like, Billy, please will just come back. And I was like I got to help her. Just start chasing this dog, didn't you well, I was such an eck.

Chasing a bag in the wind when you drop a receipt and you put your foot on it, and.

I thought to myself, I'm not going to chase after the dog.

I kind of like you want to act cool as well, Thank you, Billy.

So the way that it worked out, so the dog kind of turns around and then starts heading back towards the cafe. All of a sudden, the dogs may be like one hundred meters away, oh no, last fifty meters away, and it's running towards me full gallop. Lady's still yelling Billy out from the rest of the car park, and this chair is du bouncing around, and I'm like, fuck, here we go. You know, I'm like a full back on the footy field. It's me as a prop running full pace at me. And yeah, came the ponger and

I'm going to save the day. I will rescue Billy. Best case scenario, free coffee.

And I also just I just want the praise, you know, I just I just I want to know that people give me a pat on the back.

As I go to grab this dog, he side steps me the old drawer he drew you in, Billy was very quick.

So now I've missed Billy, and I look up and the chair.

And I braves the impact, and the chair fucking hits me. You're stunned.

You've been chaired by a dog at a cafe in the morning.

I'm assuming it hurts. I can tell one of those one of those silver like yeah, I know the chairs.

So the chairs cleaned me up, and I've kind of grabbed onto the chair you've latched on. I malatched onto the chair, but the chair is moving at such a pace. Actually I can't hold onto the chair, but I slow him down, you know. I take the wind out of the sails of old Billy boy, the staffy dog. And then as I kind of look over, I'm on my back. As I look over, another guy stepped in and as I've slowed Billy down so much, he's now grabbed Billy swooped in and took your moment.

That mother fucker.

People are applauding this man. Oh the lady comes running.

Billy, Billy, You're saved, Billy Tree cheers for the stranger runs right past me.

I get nothing. Oh not a pat on the back? You assisted? Yeah, I was. I limp into the cafe. I'm like fucking up. Really, I was like.

Yeah, so that's four fifty for the coffee and fifteen bucks of the chair.

Oh fuck, very good from you, very good. You are a hero. You're a modern day hero. Thank you. And the dog he's safe and the chair is ruined. Beautiful.

Look, A similar thing happened to not to me, but to a friend of mine who they had the dog and had the lead, and they for some reason they tied the lead just to an empty coke bottle or something like, just like it was just it was just like it was just like a like fiddling, you know how you're just like fiddling with the just I.

Thought you meant tying to a coke bottle to like that'll stop him, just like a fiddle.

Just kids. Yeah.

Anyway, the dog moved and the bottle started to follow the dog.

Freak the dog out. This story is not.

Going to end well, yeah, the dog got hit by a car. Yeah, the bottle chased it into oncoming traffic. Whushka, bottle was fine?

What were you doing me. It's this is not my story, someone else's story. You were there. I wasn't there. Thank god, it's definitely you. Yes.

No, my dog found a pack of listenerine strips under the bed and sneeze for three hours straight. That's the worst thing that I've ever accidentally done to a dog. Moving on from we were.

Moved right, let's go straight fast.

Oscar's birthday. Oscar's birthday, Yes, what an affair. Also, god, why did we throw them a party last year? I said to April. I said, this year, like really low key. It was just like really close friends. A couple of us went tenpin bowling. Also chaos.

It is just kid party after kid party, and.

They're in each other's lanes. This guy's trying to bowl. Okay, get the fuck out of my lines. I saw you. You do. You have the spin.

I've got it all man, You're very good. I've got a perfect game in bowling. No, they made it up. I high two hundreds though, very good, thank you. Uh yeah, absolute chaos. And the kids they're so fucking excited. Oscar's excited. There's meltdowns happening left, right and center, but all in all, pretty pretty good. He got spoilt rotten that he did by friends family. It got to the point where it's we were trying to educate him a little bit about how we're going to lunch with the family now, and

So we went had a pub lunch.

Where it's a playground and my kids and my niece and stuff could go and play. But it was like, oh, how many kids at well the party, oh well, the bowling party itself.

Was I think there was like six or seven kids. Great, great number. It was just it was just meant to be lokey.

But the family thing was the next day, which was Sunday, and I was like, what are we doing today? And we're like, we're going to have a party with the family, and we're trying to educate him that it's not just about the presence. It's like, it's also nice to see your family, and he was just like, yeah, but it is. I was like, come on, man, like they're all here

Anyone else other than what they were giving him. And I'm like, what do you got? I think next year we're going.

To reverse the roles and just get him to give people things. Don't do that, like, just to give him some sort of let him be like gluttonous, you know for that day. You know, when you're a kid, you don't like fuck the family counting his birthday down for ninety days. It's been about him for long enough.

Yeah, like kids don't care about family. I don't care of the thing. I want him to care about the family.

Why Because I think it's a nice thing that my grandmother's in her eighties.

She doesn't need to thank you, she needs she needs a bit more than that. Isn't that fair? I think that's fair.

I think that's very empathetic of me, to be honest, it is. Maybe I'm a hero in disguise. Don't be ridiculous.

That was silly.

Lots of presents, lots of Lego. Holy shit, the kid is is like a Lego genius. It's unbelievable, like he's built it all. And it was like I'm talking thousands of pieces of lego. He's built trucks and car It's unbelievable.

Lego is expensive. We've spoken about it before. It is expensive. It is crazy, it is it is crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's but you know what you do you build with him or do you let him just do his thing? I let him do his thing.

Yeah, he'd be thanging over here and I'm doing whatever, and then if there's something's a bit hard or it needs a bit of muscle, but otherwise he'll do like like, he'll do an eighteen plus lego on his own.

What dude, unbelievable, rain Man, brain man.

Nothing real event will happened other than just the chaos of kids and April being over stimulated the whole weekend.

That's really all that happened.

We've got Marley's coming up's birthday is on Friday Thursday, Thursday the nineteenth, and we stupidly we've said we'll have it here, have it here at home, and then last weekend Lola got invited to a party. It's like a flying yoga place that does kids' birthday party.

Will be doing too much, and we thought, well.

Marley's turning six, she's into flying yoga, so we were like, we'll book that people are doing too much. It's like four hundred bucks. What Yeah, so now we've had to retract the flying. We had to like deviate what Marley, you're doing flying yoga for your birthday? And Laura is like a four hundred bucks and I was like, yeah, I haven't the party here, scrap.

So haven't it here. And I'm like, oh my god, it's going to be who's got flying yoga money? Jesus, that is wild.

I know people be doing way too much for birthday, and it was it goes back to remember when we were talking about last year the guy who had the diggers.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just happened to be someone that April knew and then it was a long story.

But people are.

Doing We've got we've we splurged on a fairye, we've got a fairy come. Oh that's cool, a fairy coming. She'll dance, just some bubbles.

Yeah, dude.

I took all the kids bowling. It was like one hundred and fifty bucks for like for like seven eight kids.

Did you feed them? Was that including for the animals? No, not including food. I just got some nuggies and stuff. They were pretty sure.

It was only like, to be honest, two games took way too long for these kids.

One game, yeah, I wasn't expecting it to take.

Like three hours. It's I think I had like nine beers. Sorry, it wasn't a joke. Sorry to get through it somehow, so aprils overwhelmed and I'm just tanked.

No, I had a couple. I had a couple with the other days. I don't try backtrack now.

Anyway, something eventful did happen over the weekend.

I fucking come on, jogged my memory on something else. So April comes home.

She's taken Macy to the specialist who's said something wrong with the rye. She's fine, by the way, thanks for your concern. And she got there and the receptions is like, you're your rash is wie from two doting dads.

And she was the.

First kind of public spotting that she's had without me. Yeah, yeah, oh god, I actually find that.

Well.

She came home, she's like, you made it. The receptionists recognized me because of you. And then she's like you yeah, yeah, but it reminded me you're welcome, Yeah, you are welcome. It reminded me of a time when I was recognized in a situation that I didn't wish to be or was hoping that didn't go on. A while back, I had to do a stool sample yep. Now I had to go to the doctors to pick up the stool sample kit yep, from the receptionist.

Got it.

I walk in the receptionist straight away, you're the guy who wears the towel on his head and I was like yeah.

She was like, you're so funny. It's so me blah blah blah blah blah. Great great boost of the ego and I love that. And then she was like, how can I help? No, nothing, oh no nothing. I just saw the poppy to say. I was like, I'm here to pick up a stool. She's like, oh, yes, she knew. She was like, oh, Ashton, yes, here's your stool sample.

Kid, hands it over, hands it over, and I was like, yeah, okay, okay. I was like, all right, that's pretty embarrassing. She was like, so you just bring it back. I'm like to you, She's like, I'll be here all day.

That's it. I'm never going back.

I'll probably die. I don't know what's wrong with me. And I need to get my stool test. At least it's not like a pursepex clear box.

Yes, it was. Do you know what it was? Never done it. It was a big you should do it. Wear a disguise. It's like a it's like a big zi block sandwich bag, right, like a medical z blocks. You don't ship in the bag. Sorry, it's a Wooly's paper bag. You take a ship it because the handles will break.

Here's your kids, just one big.

It's one of those old coal's gray bag.

So it's a ziploc bag and it's got like pathology slips in there with the little yellow, yellow lidded clear sample jar.

The yellow lid screams medical sample. Yes, screams it. It's screams.

Ash is going to poop in this?

Do that?

How much poo do you put in there? Oh? It fill it to the brim? I go na. Sorry.

I was particularly getting a stool sample because something in that area wasn't right.

The Nine Beers bowling or no, no, this has gone way back. Sorry, this is going this is pre nine Beers.

And I was like okay, well I grabbed the bag offer and I was like okay, So like, oh, do I have to drop it off here, like, is there anyone else I can drop it.

Off closer to home? I live like down the road.

But I didn't want to have to come back to this situation because that's embarrassing.

And she was like, no, no, no, go to bring it back here. I'll be here all day. We're open till seven pm.

And I was like, okay, great, this is great, this is good, this is good great. So I left, and the whole way home, I'm thinking, I don't want to shoot in this carp because mind you think bringing it back in yeah, but mind you it's pretty running.

Down there at the moment.

She's like, no, I didn't say we. I said pooh, And you're like, that is my poop.

That is my pooh. I squirted it out my bum if that's what you need to know. I went home and I told April, and April was like, what are you going to do? And I'm like, well, for my health, I need to do it, obviously, because health is key.

So I did that pretty good.

So I deliberated over the whole course of the day, well the whole course of the morning, and I thought maybe if I go around lunchtime, she's gone to lunch and there'll be like a different receptionist.

It's very good.

Do you poo in the toilet and then scoop it from the toilet into the couple? Do you poo into the little jar? Oh, I don't have.

That good of a name. I had to scoop. I had to scoop, scoop. You get in. There's some tongs, those tongs straight straight the bin. Yeah, it stinks.

There's no sound sound, there's no smell barrier around those little yellow things out seap.

Very good word. Well, well put, I would say. I went back. It was in a shopping center to which makes it even more walking through the shopping center. I had to walk through the shaving the sugar. Did I step in ship? What's going on? Yes? I had to walk through the shopping center.

With the zipla ziploc bag of ship steaming, ship steaming.

It was still warm smoking. People were clearing out. It has Matt sooner. It did have the big bio hazard thing on the front.

And as I'm walking, Yeah, all the smuggles sprinklers have come on. You're bee lining to the receptionist, bee lining to the doctors. And I've like staked out the doctors. I'm walking through the shops, staking out to see.

If she's there.

She's there, okay, and I'm like fuck, But there's another receptionist there as too. There's two people there now, and I've walked in with a shitty bag. They're eating their lunch. Oh God, I give them the bag of ship, and the receptionist turns to the other person who's also working on receptions, like this is the.

Guy I was telling you about. God.

No, She proceeds to get her phone out. You did not get a photo. I got a photo with them, with the ship in the photo, the ships in the background. In hindsight, it would have been it would have actually been if I had the ship. But they've taken they've got their phone out. First of all, she's showing their videos of me.

That's inappropriate. And then she's like, can we get a photo? There's like patient confidentiality. I might. I've just shatt in a jar given it to you. You want to get a photo with me.

There's absolutely no way that she's handed over that ship. She's got that right now in the freezer.

I never did get the results back. Now it turns out I was experimenting with Ashwagun and that was the problem. It's like some sort of herbal ship.

Well, there you go, so I'm fine with that. God, technically I didn't even really need to give her the bag of ship.

Going to the doctors is scary enough for being recognized. I've never been back to that particular doctor, to that receptionist. If she is listening, please, there's a time and a place in the medical center keeping my ship back. Yeah, I just really quickly, really really quickly. Do you ever make lunch for Oscar for school?

Yeah, that's my job most of the time. What kind of sandwich did you give?

It's just VEGGIEMI bro, Yeah, it's just easy, good, good idea.

What did you do?

Actually, well, have to do both lunches. She's christ No, it's annoying, but yeah, anyway, moving on. It's not all about you, isn't it?

Well done? Thank you.

I don't live I don't make the sandwiches, nor any of the artists that go into Marley's lunch.

She's doing it.

No, No, she's away at the moment. She's still in the gold coat. So this week I've been doing.

Don't make a sandwich? Like that.

Well.

I was just like, Mally, what do you eat? She's like, I don't know. I was like, what do you want? It's just the same thing every day.

And then she was like, give me a peanut butter sandwich and I was like, great, I'm.

Not allowed to take peanufy the sandwiches school.

How do you know that nuts? But how do you know that.

People die from allergies of nuts?

Oh? He's good, very good.

Can't school me, so hang on to stay. I've killed three kids. I will be in hiding after this episode. No, I didn't realize. I didn't realize. And on Monday I gave her a peanut butter sandwich and Marley came home and picked her up. She came home, she's like I'm starving. She's like, Daddy, why did you do that to me?

And I was like what do you mean?

And she's like the sandwich and I was like what was wrong? And she's like, we cannot have nuts? And I'm like, well, hang on, you asked for it, so don't don't don't blame me.

She's five, Yeah, she doesn't know.

Well, you're an adult.

I didn't know either.

For anyone out there, if you're going to school next year, if you've got to start making lunch is just know that the rules are different. Back when I was a kid, bro, you can bring nuts to school. It was survival of the fittest if you use nutsank god, no, no, no, no, okay, moving on.

So I just want my advice. I'm just letting people know. Fuck. Sorry, no, it's not advice. Might just be wary. Just be aware.

Parents out there, cares, cares parents and cares. No nuts at school because what happens ash because of the other kids. You have to eat your nut, lunch, your peanut butter in the classroom.

Lunch and shut up.

And so Mally had she couldn't play with the other kids at lunchtime because she had to eat it in the classroom.

Oh and so she was.

Punished, and so she the whole time she was like, fucking dad, fucking stitching me up and making it a pan butter sand got eating whatever.

It's not crunchy peanut butter. There's got to be there's got to be a middle ground. It was. It was smooth. It was smooth panut butter. Yeah, are you a smooth family? Nana?

Fucking Nana, I bought this stuff said yeah, enough said that.

What's that with that generation?

That generation is also with that generation they tell the most diabolical stories.

It's a bit rich coming from you, but r.

Minor entertaining, says the guy who just talked about handing over his ship for the last fifteen minutes.

Hey, I love it. I love a bit of shit. Why do we have to adjust our whole life for these people?

Yeah, I say, stuff him, Yeah, sit here, stuff don't it's not for this.

Yeah, mostly regression.

You don't want to so just tell me what your parent do you want? My grand party at the shirt?

You don't want advice from frangs?

Go and tell me what is your current?

Once again, I'm gonna say that's the greatest song we've ever.

Very arrogant from you, but I agreed. Okay, grand let's go. Let's do you want to go first first? Don't you let me? I hate it when we fight. I just listeners out there. That's us having a full heated argument. That was it. Yeah, we're not going to talk for twenty four hours after this great Oh I'm just my kid. I kid, I said here, I have kids and I kid. Can you smile for once there we go.

I it is from mint and he said, Minty, this is from Mindy.

Get it out, hurry out, bait baity, I'm joking. Shut up. Okay, this is a bit of a silly one. I'm gonna say this is a silly one. Us silly babies crying when they're tired. No one's stopping you. Just go to sleep.

I did see a TikTok with a parent hack. Apparently, just full disclosure. I don't hate my kids. Apparently you go outside and you make them look into the sun.

That's how you make them sneeze.

Apparently that's how you make can go to sleep. You put hot lights in their face. That's not asleep. That's called blind. Catherine says school emails like clogging up my inbox. I wouldn't know what that feels like because I can't subscribe to the fucking school.

Lucky you.

Well, we just forgot an email from the school today, Remember, so this is one of many that we get.

I don't get them all right, Look, I think, yeah, just pretty, k doesn't matter. She kid's ill. This is from m I don't know if it's Emma or Emily. Will figure that out. We'll take the journey. People usually mother in law. Sorry, I thought it was just like people moving on people, and that is all. People usually mother in law, someone who's the mother in law. Brave of her to put her name down. I don't think she's named mother in law and it reads please do not say my name.

M So people usually mother in law's calling your baby my baby or our baby, like bro, what the fucking yeah?

I think, Ah, there's all those it is it's a family unit.

Yeah, but there's all those memes as well that kind of play into this, which is like mums and sons all right, So you see all those things where it's like the love between a mum and a son that the wife to be is never going to be good enough, and it sort of plays into that thing where it's like, well, I'm part of their relationship, right, so now.

Am I a genius hanging on? Just my genius, I'll just come up with this on the spot.

Anyway, I'm part of their relationship, so therefore that baby must also be mine mine?

Does your mother in law do that? Na? All right? Look, I agree I think that that my baby is.

My an April's baby, right, not my mom's or not my mother in law's baby.

Right a grand baby and their parents is their great grandbaby.

Yep, you're back with me now kind of yeah, okay, next next points from Chelsea. I'm a teacher and I hate that parents tell their kids if you feel sick, then tell the teacher.

And we sent home.

They nagged me all friggin day.

Fingers at Oscar.

I thought you were going to say, I thought she was going to say, I'm a teacher and.

I hate kids. I was like, well, I think you're in the wrong prependent.

Just on that point, let's circle back to the start of this episode when I said that Oscar would end up in sick bay.

Guess what he is at home? He's no, he's not. I read the message. April called me twice and I was like, I had to pick Oscar from sick bay and planning of a sore ear. He'll literally what wait, didn't you have a saw a throat this morning? It's moved to his ear.

Apparently he's good because I saw ear like an earache. How do I how do I? How do you quiz that? How do you sniff out? If that's bullshit?

I get annoyed with just my kids saying they're sick. Imagine having a whole classroom kids been like, you just.

Send them all off to sick bab another day off because they probably got a quota.

Yeah, right right, I've got a little pear ant if I may.

At the moment, we've got we've got so many soft toys, mountains of them, and we've started to like do bag by bag loads once a week out to the savos, getting rid of them, getting rid of them, or donating them, donating them, donating to those horse Yeah, please whip away.

Whipping away.

And it shits me that the kids out of nowhere will be like, as I'm putting them to bed, they look at me and go, where is my purple unicorn that I had one time three months ago?

Oh my god, I'm like, what so frustrated?

I can't remember where they put their shoe when they came in the front door home from daycare and school, and then all of a sudden, they're like fucking piecing together a toy that they once had the blink of an eye months ago.

It's frustrated because I'd like to ask her, I'm like, what did you do at school today? It's like oh, and then he'll be like, hey, where's that train said I had when I was like two years old, and I had like the blue and red wheels and like the yellow puff of smoke coming out the top of it.

It's like what.

And you know we'll find it tomorrow And they're like, ah, that toy. Anyway, Ash, we have some questions.

We do, we do have questions. I'm going to ask you the first question, Matthew. This was from Phil Sounds made up Top three never never, noip, Top three, Top three lame.

Things that you enjoy now that you're a parent. Yep, there are a lot.

There is a long list of things that I enjoy that are very lame. I'm a very lame guy.

Ash. If you can say no, you're not, yeah you are. You know, you know you're definitely not. Definitely not no, no one bit no are we okay? Number one? You said it, not me. I'll start with I think yeah, go. I will start with this is going to.

Be a massive surprise to everyone listening, going to the toilet to do a pooh oh man.

That was mine too. It was my first one, it was. But they're also locking the door.

Bam. Game changer. And then I get in trouble for locking the door. But who my April because she's like, what they can't get in?

I'm like yeah, She's like were they coming when I'm in there and like, lock.

The door, genius, what are you doing. It's the lamest and the best.

Whenever the kids come in for a cuddle in the morning, after like ten minutes, I'm like, well, I'm off to the toilet and they're like, You've always got to the door when we come in here.

Come back for dinner time.

Yeah, that was my number three, So I'm going to give you my number two.

My number two is and it's kind of sneaky.

It is when either the kids aren't in the room or they're asleep. Oh sneak a dessert okay, so that could be either from the cupboard or I've even driven to drive through Gotta MiG Flurry and just sat in the carnated.

On my head. I was like, where are you going with nowhere? I'm just in the car, Like sometimes I go back around and get no one. You don't, damn lame boy.

Number two for me is being in the car and driving solo.

Oh yeah, it is good, love it and you get to listen to whatever you want to listen to, just white noise, heaven, just listening to the sleep music. Ah god, it is good. It's very very good, I would say, And you touched on it the other day. Is solo chores?

Now solo chores where the kids can't get to you.

So if it's kind of like I'm say, I our washing lines at the back yep, and it's like the sheets need to be hung out. As much as I hate hanging the sheets out, especially a fitted sheets, not man, I'll go out the back door. I'll actually lock myself out on purpose, on purpose, and it's a big glass door at the back, and the kids are like up against the guys.

Know, the headphones on. Get it done, and then I might just mosey around the backyard, look looking for dog poop, now the mcflurry, now the MCA there. And then I'll walk up casually, walk around, see if there's anything else I can do outside just a handy GUYE No, I'm not. I'm just I'm literally just mosying around the backyard.

Essentially, anything by yourself is it's all of a sudden when you're a parent, just delightful.

I think that's another one for everyone, right, But is it lame? Depends what you're watching.

This is pretty lame. Okay, this is about as lame as it gets. But I feel like parents out there will be on the same page as me.

Yeah.

When it's the weekend, you get a lot of washing to do, and it's a really hot summer's day and you know that washing is going to dry real quick. Oh yeah, and you get through a couple of loads in one day.

It's exciting.

Yeah, it's exciting when it goes from being dirty all the way to where it needs to be in this final destination that at the end of the day better than sex.

It's had then set. I have a bonus one.

I just thought of specifically, in a pool, you go to the deep end and you just submerge yourself and you just sit there and you can't hear anything else other than.

The ticking of that the ticking of the pool cleaner going. You're like, oh, how good these And then you come back up and a kid jumps on your.

You just want to end this segment by saying that, gosh, we love our kids.

I love them so much that I try to avoid them actively, just for simple pleasures very good.

This one is from Carli in the Facebook group. She says, what's the best way to make dad slash husbands feel valued so they know they are doing an amazing job apart from just telling them.

Apart from just telling them they're doing an amazing job.

Yeah, has April done anything to you where you felt really valued as a parent?

Actually?

And it comes in the shape of words, usually because the other things, not for.

It's look, I remember the other day we were in bed reverse reverse cow girl. How did you know we were in bed? Not? How do you think it was?

And she actually said to me, she was like, I've really noticed the things that you've been doing over and above like what you usually been doing of late, And I felt I felt appreciated and I continued to do them.

That works.

Yeah, I know the question is that I know that she's asking other than words, But yeah, I don't know. I for me, I know there was there was a night when the kids were being really, really tricky, like it was just an absolute battle from the midment we got home, dinner, bath, the kids were like, I hate you, You're the worst, screaming every step of the way.

It was just a really shitty night.

And off the back of those nights, you can't help it be really exhausted. You kind of deflated as well, because you know, just feel like the kids hate you and you're doing a ship job. But then Laura was was doing a pretty good job.

Wow that Laura there.

You know, we'll both we're both struggling. Those both struggling, and I just thought I'm going to pull all aside after the kids are in bed, and I said, hey, look, that was a nightmare of a scenario, like the kids would just hell. And I just want you to know that I thought you handled it so well. I've never seen you be so patient. We both cracked it a couple of times, but I just thought she needed a little lift and I was like, I just want you to know that I thought you did such a great job.

And that's that's observation, and it's observation, but then also acting on it, because you would like a lot of people would look at whether it's male female, look at their partner and they we won't be struggling, and they might just be like I'm struggling too, and not nothing said, and no one's uplifted whatsoever. And I know, for April like her, she loves acts of service. Right, so for example, yesterday she girl she likes acts service. For example, yesterday,

But she also had to pick up Macy's friend.

As well, because we're looking after an afternoon because her parents had something important to do.

And I thought, that's a lot.

She's just done so much and didn't even say, hey, can you do one or the other because I was doing I was doing some work of writing something I don't know.

And then I was like, okay, she's out. I finished what I'm doing.

I brang the washing in, I made the kid lunches for the next day, and cleaned up the house. And then I know when she appreciated when she goes to make goes to start to make the lunch and go, oh, the lunches are made.

And I was like, yeah, well you run around all.

Afternoon and it was like, okay, you could see that it made her happy, and it made me happy that she was happy for me.

Nothing will ever be better than a genuine, heartfelt appreciation. Words go further than you think. Absolutely, keep on at it both ways, not just to yeah yeah both parents, parents in general. Everybody needs a pat on the back.

Absolutely.

I just want to say Ash that this record I think from you has been one of the best you've ever done, and I think you've done an outstanding job and you should be extreme proud of yourself.

Sure. Thanks man. Anyway, Hey, I love that shirt.

And if you thought Ash was also outstanding of this episode, you can let us know by writing a review on Apple podcast even Spotify.

We love comments on both.

You know, will take any bit of praise anywhere, just don't message it to us on social media because that's a waste. Needs to be a permanent fixture on Apple or Spotify.

I just say you delivered that amazing Thank you so much.

And you can also that was pay it, that wasn't genuine it, and you can.

I could walk with it anyway.

You can also join us on social media, which is two doting dads Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Your tongue twiddling really threw me off. Then you're very good at that anyway.

And we will leave.

Okay, but are we gonna fuck? I felt silly coming out of my mouth. Jess is just dying? Do you mind?

Can you die somewhere else? Yes? Some of us are trying to work. Jesus. What happened around the wrong went down the wrong hole?

You shouldn't you shouldn't smoke so many Siggi's jests.

And don't tell me last story.

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We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander people's today