#152 We'd Like To Make A Formal Apology

You didn't notice of my work outside on the patio out there.

I haven't been out there, yeah, mate, don't know what got.

Over me, but I saw some marks on the Papersny I got the gurnie.

Fucking how good is it? Gurny? Also? Can I borrow it? Actually?

My driveway so slippery. The kids are slipping and sliding down my driveway.

What's mine is yours? Also, when you're gurneying, it's very dangerous.

Kids.

Stay away, mate, I had two hours free from the kids.

But how are your forearms?

Oh? Yeah, I noticed popeye.

Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Mattie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable, and it is not about giving advice because Ash and I are very dumb.

Well said. I couldn't have said it better myself, and I had a little tickle in my throat. That's no good. I had an IV yesterday, so I'm I'm flying. What were you injecting into yourself? Just just just heroin? That's usual.

Now let's move on from that. We do have we do have something that we need to talk about. It's pressing.

What's that is that there was a technical issue, the big technical issue.

We had a few people in the Facebook group being like, what the hell is going on? And poor Jess, who was in Japan had to come back and save the day.

She flew back really quick.

We were like sorry about the technical error, and people were like, we know, we know what's happened, but I what happened?

Man? You tell I actually want to defend myself. You tell me what you think happened.

And I've had a few weeks now, back to back where I revealed information which I wasn't meant to reveal, the first one being the name of our child, shout out.

To Poppy's unborn Poppy yet to be born.

And then apparently I don't remember doing this.

That starts the sentence with a para.

Well, it was first brought to my attention whilst I was in a gojak, which is a taxi in Ballei. I was in the front seat and Laura sit me behind me, taps me on the shoulder. This is on a Wednesday, the day which our podcast comes out, and she says, did you mention that Britt was getting married in Bali? And I was like, no, no, I don't recall. I was like, I would definitely not do that, did I? And then I was like my initial reaction was just no, like Blake.

Oh yeah, you got her back yourself.

Yeah you've got even though you're like, I'm not sure, You've still got to be like, I definitely didn't do that. So just in case you definitely didn't do that, you're like to.

And I was like that was close. And then Laura was like, we've just had a couple of people message us saying that they heard that BRIT's getting married from your podcast.

And I was like, the Lifers were a little bit off it because they feel like far part of the fart. I feel like part of the family, feel like part of the family over there at Life. I'm cut and then we've.

Gone, You've gone.

I'm not taking any I was like, my message to Laura was like, We'll do whatever it takes.

Was it me or was it you? I think it was a combination. Was it who was it? I think I don't think it was me. I think I was that was you. It was definitely no.

I had mentioned it previously, but not as much detail as you bullshit we have evidence.

Please play the tape. Play the tape for the man.

Put forward the case to not bring the kids to Bali.

Yeah, if you're going for a special going for.

Bris wedding over Bali, I think I think that's public.

This would be out while time's over. Yeah, actually will be shit good one, Matt, good one. That's Ai. That is a I. I've been framed.

I've put that in there to frame you. I just wanted to ruffle the feathers a little bit. Okay, No I didn't. You just said that all on your right. But it's not the first time we mentioned it. I'm certain that we should we shut.

The fuck up. Did we mention it? What are you doing? I'm trying to get you more. Okay. It humors me when you're in trouble and it's not me, because.

To be quite honest, I thought it would be me that would suck up most things.

Why did I do that?

I think I thought everyone knew that I was going to Balley right, people I knew.

People I don't know. I don't know.

It's the world's worst kept secret. Like we all knew it was getting married. Like when an influence is like I got something big coming. People are like, we don't care, just when it's done, tell us. Yeah, Like it was like everyone went quiet on socials.

Where is everyone?

So I do want to apologize to brit for potentially destroying the surprise.

I have to say its just play along with me along, Okay? We whoa. We are so sorry for what we've done. I'm sorry that Matt, sorry that you're You're making this the worst apology. We are sorry. Look, if I wasn't sorry, I wouldn't have said.

To Laura or I said to Jess with Laura in the same group conversation.

That's how that works. Do whatever Laura would like us to do, do whatever it takes. That's how sorry.

And Jess, thank you to you for jumping on this situation quickly in Japan on your holiday with terrible time to jump back at work.

We apologize again.

We apologize for that ashn I chilling voices, but also do just want to say not that we would ever want to do this again.

It was purely an accident. But those download numbers through the Wow, we need more inside information WikiLeaks.

Yeah so, and also thanks to the listeners as well, because I think there was a few people in the Facebook group as well. When I said it's a technical problem, they were like, sure.

Sure, mate, technically you fucked up. And they didn't ruin the surprise.

Oh thank you guys.

And you know I had to. I was upset. I was upset, you know, to Laura. You know, I had to like.

Oh my god, sorry.

And I even sent you an encouraging message. It's been like, it's all good, bro. People make mistakes.

Meanwhile, I'm like, what an idiot? How was Let's move on?

So you went to Bali for a wedding of we allowed to talk about it now, Britt's wedding, which is Laura's co host on Life on Cut and Laura Laura, Laura is your current.

Wife, beautiful wife, Laura. She was actually already in Bali for work for work, and so I was joining her, flying over with the kids. And there are lots of options on solo with the kids. And you're a good dad, thank you. You are one in a million. And these decisions what flight to book, these are decisions that I agonize over. Okay, okay, because the option was ash do.

I fly do go quanas? Nice plane? You get food?

Issue is is she is the flight arrives quite late. You're getting into Bali at lad ten eleven Jetstar version. They're all the same. You get them too late. So by the time you go through customs, once you get in the taxi.

There is a six am Jet Stuff flight. Too early. Early there is a ten o'clock Garuda flight. There was a ten o'clock I rocked up.

This is on my socials, but I rocked up and they were like, flights canceled.

That fucks fucking ran. I ran.

They said, if you don't want to accept a new flight, which is tomorrow morning, you can get a full refund. So I knew there was a Virgin flight in the afternoon. I fucking sprinted. I was like Usain Bolt across the airport because Virgin was at one end, Garuda was the other. I had Marley and Lola under both arms. I get to Virgin. There's no one there except for six women. Oh and then as I get to that checking desk, they say, I cannot believe we just got the last seats on that flight.

And they turn around and I just go, are you fucking kidding? I shouldn't have sworn?

And Marley and Lola were like, are we not going to see mummy and I'm like no, because they booked the last tickets. Did one of those one of those women be like at least show some sort of empathy, you know where they were they were, they were like it was it was a week like.

They were. I could tell.

I looked in their eyes and they were upset that they had Because I'm standing there with my two children.

They're both balling, being.

Like, we're not going to go on holiday and I'm like, no, we're not, because they have ruined it for us.

Anyway.

And then do you know what? Do you know what made matters worse? When I got home, I had to get back in the taxi, had to get home. The taxi driver was like, oh, the card machine's not working, and so I tapped again and he's like, no, it didn't work.

Tap again.

I got charged five times my fucking time. He's gotcha.

I want one of those ATM machines, just walk around town with it. What do you mean?

I looked at my statement and I remember the time I was like, I think I think you've charged me.

It's gone through, guys. Now it hasn't gone through.

It's fled the country. Now, I mean anyway. So then the next morning was up at three am back to Garuda. Long story short. I don't want to go on about, you know, my situation. But the computers were down. Oh my god, it's a.

Two hour wait.

There's a small chance ash that I went into the business line.

To skip the queue a little bit.

Why were you in business, don't you?

Dad? No, but don't wink at me. The wait was very.

Long, Okay, I would I'm with two kids. They had to go to the toilet, so I had to leave the queue to go to the toilet. And I thought, I'm not going to try and weed the my way back like halfway into the queue.

So I just jumped into the business queue and yeah, great, how did that go? It's great, really good. You skipped the whole line. Yes, I I didn't want to.

I didn't want to go on too much about like that line at the checking desk, because people like you were straight to the front.

I don't condone. It worked. It did like it, you know, it worked. I don't want to.

Actually, I've got a little hack fee now. Actually, now let's jog my memory. I was coming back from what was I going back from Brisbane and you know when you get to security and the normal line Love Brisbane, and then the priority line. Who I was with Matt Veach, you're on your trouble here. If they figure you out, you could just go in the priority line because they don't actually check your boarding paths until you're scanning onto the plane.

No, I've been I have tried to jump into the primary line and they've checked my boarding past and said no, that's right.

We got yelled at that time. Yeah we got yeah, yes, we take all of that back. Yeah, but it'll worked this time.

But so you went straight to the front of the line, all gravy, straight through.

Let's just focus on the fact that, you know, I had two kids and by myself. Yeah, and the grid of flight was good. My mom was like, who are you flying with Garuda? They had a crash last month for people died. They had one of the worst track records of plane crashes out of all our lines.

It's like I just changed it to air Asia.

I was like, why the fuck are you telling me this? Nan, my mum the world's biggest warrior.

Oh yeah, but we got there and and my sister actually said, you just stopped complaining because I did a video.

We got we a complaint.

We're in a villa and there was construction. The pool and restaurant was being built next door. We were like the last villa next to the construction site. And they're like, there's a bit of noise, just a bit. There was jack hammering every and there's.

No sound insulation, bali whatsoever.

Those rooms are just just mate like there's like no in or or outer wall.

It's just the way it is.

There was a nightmare, but just quickly with the going to the bathroom with both you had both kids and you're the only parent. I think it's really funny when I have to go to the bathroom and I have to drag them along with me. It was like you stand there while I go to the bathroom on the plane. No, just just wherever you're with both kids on time and you have to wait for a change, and the men's toilets suck. They come in there and they're like his place stinks.

Oh yeah, yeah, up against the walls, Like what's up on the floor.

On the plane. If you've flown with both kids, have you done that before?

Oh my god alone, Oh my god, when would I have had to do that you tell me, bro, well, my wife doesn't work overseas.

Sometimes you've never flown solo with both kids?

No, oh, I feel like you just This is the equivalent of a dad saying I've never changed an happy No, it's.

Not whoa whoa you're about dad, I'm not part of the three percent.

Yes, you know, I'm not. You live, I'm gonna do. I'm flying this afternoon alone. Just bring the kids.

The most stressful moment ash on those flights, okay, is when you have to go to the toilet.

I have to do a yeah.

And I also I got they moved my flight and I it was weird because I talked about the sitting arrangement. Oh yeah, And I was like, do you go like, because Garuda is two four and two, do you go four in the middle? And I was like, wouldn't it be funny if you had two and like the window aisle and then you're then across the other aisle dream And they must have heard me. That's the seats that

I was, it was. It was anyone wondering terrible, Oh, because they're just doing whatever they like over there. And Lola has a.

Little like screen in front of her seat and she's like, oh, the screen's broken, and you're like God, reaching over and trying to help her out. But yeah, going then to the toilet and like trying to be as quick in the fishing as you can.

Leave the door open, care like holding it open, then.

Coming back and being like will they still be there?

Oh?

Yeah, because like they're unsupervised.

A lady rode in and was like she was flying with her daughter. Her daughter was asleep. She went to the toilet and the daughter woke up and thought the plane had landed. New people had gotten on and.

Woke up and was like, it's like a home alone situation, but we made it there.

Yes, thett a bit of noise, but it was. It was a lovely holiday, a lovely wedding as well. Thankfully no paparazzi had rocked up and didn't get gay crashed by Life on Cut fans who knew where it was.

It was great.

That's good, that's good Prime time for Bali too, isn't that right now.

Lovely busy, lovely fuck did the traffic was purraffic and BALI don't get me started.

That's brutal.

Shout out to Yanni a babysitter. Shout out to Yanni, nanny, sorry, nanny, I'd love to bring me back and just have weird. Laura and I were like, could we have in touch with immigration?

Have you?

Yanni was like, oh, so, who's your nanny back home in Australia.

You are, here's a one way ticket to Australia.

It was very, very sad to wave goodbye to you and returning back to this fucking hell whole of a city.

It's good to have you back. It is cold.

It is cold here compared to Barley wearing a beanie.

I know, dude, like like John Butler treo over here, thank you. I don't know that's but there's things you've missed. There's things you've missed.

Around here that I want to enlighten you about. Go on, okay. The first one is I think I think my I'm calling Macy the Silent Assassin.

Yes, she's sort of getting to that.

Age now where she's halfway through three and she's a bit of a threeen ager.

Three is the toughest, say three ager.

Yeah. Yeah, she's really quiet, as we know. But that's a problem because she seems to be always up to no good.

But silently.

And I'm concerned because Oscar easy easy to figure out what he's doing because he doesn't stop yapping.

So he's committing a crime and someone okay, here we go.

If someone's committing a crime and they haven't stopped talking to through the whole crime, it's Oscar, okay, because he doesn't shut up. Macy not so much. You sort of walk in on her doing devious things all the time. And I kept walking around the house and finding headless lego men hear me out weird. Yeah, at first I was like, there's a lego body just on the floor.

That's not a crime scene, or is it?

And I kept finding them all over the place, to the point where I had torsos no heads, that's all.

Through the house. The dog.

Maybe I thought maybe they're just I don't know, maybe King George lives here. I don't know, like fuck, like just bodies scattered good head wat.

Little ancient history joke from you there, Thank you. King George didn't even laugh. You fuck her? You're like, you didn't say which king George.

Kick the fifth? I don't know fuck one that would be head? Whatever is that?

Do you mean?

Do I look like a history teacher's being on? Maybe the one that be headed?

Everybody? Don't? Sorry, didn't they when they all be headers? Henry the eighth? Thank you? Jes Jess is informing us she's googled that for sure.

Anyway, I kept finding these bodies everywhere, and and I was like, where are all the heads?

Who's doing what with the heads? Now?

Macy has a toy kitchen. You know, there's big toy kitchen. She's always making food. She brings it out here, not real food, like fake food anyway, So I want to show you.

Her kitchen.

Oh god, okay, what are those tribes ash where they they like they shrink the heads?

Is it Papa Guinea? What what do they do that? Track me the microwave?

There's like these tribes they like shrink the hang on. Let me just want that really quickly. No, yes, so the Amazonian tribes. So I don't like if you're from Pupping Guinea, didn't mean to attack you there, accuse you of something you're not doing but they would shrink the heads. I think they put it in vinegar. You watch Ripley's believe.

It or not.

I know how i'd dispose of a body.

Now, I've just passed this on to Macy, the serial killer of the household anyway, So I've gone to her kitchen, yep, okay, And in her kitchen she has a fake microwave. I'll get you to just press play on this and you'll notice something else in the video as.

Well that she's stashing in there from previous episodes. What's that? What do we got? Oh my god?

This is like a graveyard of a serial killer.

So she's pulling the heads off the lego, leaving the torsos throughout the house, storing the heads in a makeshift cot.

He's like darb in the microwave. Who's that serial kill Dama? You remember him? Wasn't that Jeffrey Dahma?

Dama? Macy Dama. You've got what's next to it? Eclipsement If you're not familiar. Macy is addicted to eclipse mints, and we spoke about this a long time ago, where she's an addict. I catch her climbing all sorts of furniture to get to eclipse mints. But she's got a stash of eclipse mints what in her microwave.

Along with the heads of all the lego. Wow, there's a lot to unpack here. There's a lot to unpack. Are we concerned? Absolutely? Yeah.

I was concerned when I found all the book flaps under the bed. Remember this is this is another staty. Any psychologists listening in, what does this mean? What does this mean for Macy?

Yeah? Red flags? I think.

So.

The fact is.

She's got like an m O like most serial killers have, which is pop the head, discard the body where wherever.

She's and she wants to keep something to remember them by just keeping it, and then she puts it in there. So that's her whole Oh my god. So I'm concerned.

I'll keep you posting sleep with one io.

He doesn't know. I know.

I put that back confront her. I will be don't you worry, like with the book thing, and she ran like a proper criminal to you right now, she will be Leganette. Anyway, that's one thing you've missed, and the second thing you've missed is and I don't know if this is a known hack but I April has taught the kids something that I thought was genius and I want to see what you think and whether you do it.

Do you have any heater in your house? Yeah, it's in the kids room. What do you have? It's just like an oil heater, that's all. We've got.

Jesus christro and no insulation under the floor and it's just timber flooring.

It's like walking on ice.

I have never been cold, like properly cold until living until now.

It's also I feel like when you get older, you get colder. Yeah, that's that's the thing too. And also you've dropped a bit of weight. That's just some shreddy just not eating. What was I doing?

Yes, it's cold, so multiple layers and sometimes that would include of a long sleeve shirt with a long sleeve jumper and when you put a jumper on over a long sleeve.

What happens? Okay, so this is one thing that kids hate. The sleeve of the T shirt will.

Then ride up. Yes, and.

It's like it's I don't know why, it's just so triggering for kids when it happens. Trier girl this morning with Lola put the jumper on, and she's very sensory, and when that happens, when it was riding up, it was like she had a scorpion under her jumper.

She was like, God, duddy, I'm going to solve this problem for you. Well, April, my wife is going to solve this for you. This is Oscar this morning putting on his little raincoat jacket thing over a long sleep.

Okay, this better be good. She's cracked the code.

See what she's done there. Oscar pulls the sleeve up to the palm of his hand.

He puts a finger over it so his hand can still go through, and once he gets through, its close enough. He lets go and the sleeve ends up perfectly where the sleeve is.

What does Oscar think of this hack?

He does it on his own. He's learnt it. It's not just here do this, it's like, here, do this, and he just continues.

To do it. He did that without anyone even asking.

If only kids out there would know about this hack, the amount of trauma that would be reduced in the lives of young children all around the country, especially now being winter, even.

Around the world old seasons are a world. Is this the best hack that we've ever had? I think it might be.

I think it's the most simplest, cost effective.

How can we monetize this, jess Jessica, you're about to say something? Oh, Jesse, hang on, this rich coming from someone with their kids? Are we dumb? Ash? Maybe?

Is this something that is just such common knowledge that it's almost laughable.

That we don't know? Yeah? I hope so? Is this be hilarious?

Are we just we effectively told people to tie their shoelacers before leaving the house?

Is that I always done after I leave the house? I mean, we'll find out. Let us know.

If this is such common knowledge that it's laughable that we're telling you about it, we will withhold informing you about any more hacks.

Oh yeah, nah, I think this is great. I think a life changing.

I think too, And I want to be responsible for expanding the knowledge of parents not just in Australia again all around the world. Right now, we will be responsible for improving the lives of so many.

So many.

And I will say we could get it from the horse's mouth because we are going to call.

April about a separate issue later on the track.

Later in this episode we can talk to about what other information is she withholding from us?

So if you stick around then you might find out. How's a fucking good tease? Do you want to do around? Yes?

Math, sorry, yes, Matthew. It is time for one of our favorite segments. I'd say arguably the favorite, the favorite, and I would say the song is Aria Award nominee potential.

Well said, let's play it.

You dosly regression.

You don't want sou just tell me what your parent?

Do you want my crand party at the shirts. You don't want advance from strangers, Go and tell me what is your parent?

Are we gonna have any tap on the shoulders from the record the record the record label to say hey, we're.

Just showing that jumperhack and they'll back right off and they're like, you gave us something.

We do not want to go to court with these these guys.

This is my favorite segment.

It is, of course parents just it's an opportunity for any parents out there, not just myself and Ash, but for all the listeners to just get something off their chest that is grinding their gears, making them a little bit off, making themselves a little bit frustrated. You need to give these situations, O gen well said.

I will say, you really teed that up. We had a great one.

Okay, go from Hugh. Hello, Hugh, Hugh from the Facebook group. Ah, you from the Facebook grof.

If you're not in the Facebook group, it's on Facebook. He's in there. He's in there. If you want to hang out with you, who's in there? He isn't there? Okay? In the group?

Okay from Hugh. This is Hugh's pay rant. Daycare centers charging you normal day rates on a public holiday when they are closed has to be the.

Biggest pyramid scheme going around. First of all pyramid scheme. No or.

He goes on to say, the poor parents with kids booked in for Mondays and Fridays.

Are suffering a great injustice.

I feel like we definitely have talked about this before, but I wasn't a rant.

It was like just in passing I feel like a long time ago.

Let's just clarify that this is not attack on the daycare teachers, the staff.

No, the staff are the backbone them, rural doctors, dentists, mechanics, the backbone of our nation.

This is an attack on the system. Fuck the system, man, the system.

I mean, it's got to be it's got to be a fucking joke.

Right period. Scheme is the wrong scheme.

That's I feel like the daycares aren't going out to other daycares giving them this idea and they're growing in numbers.

That's what a pyramid scheme is, right, correct. This is a general scheme scheme. This is a ripoff scheme. This is a ripoff scheme. Match, this is a this is a gas light scheme, if you will, it's a gas lighting ripoff scheme.

Because I'm aware orchestrated by system, the system, the daycare system of Australia.

I'd love to know what happens in other countries. But here, if you were booked in on a day that as a public holiday, they still charge you full rates. You're still paying for it. How the hell does that work? When I was previously we had the kids and on a Monday and a Friday. Man, it was it didn't make any sense, Ash, I reckon, pet parents have something to do with it. Hundreds of dollars every single year wasted.

Well, let's well, I think we should get in touched with someone who might know who was working.

We used to work for this. Just give my beautiful You're like, sorry, I won't answer it. She's a busy Hello, darling, how are.

You good what you're doing working?

Yeah?

Right, you're not working for a daycare, are you?

You're not? No, I don't worry. There's a dumb joke from it.

We had a parent message in with a rant, and I just want to give you some context on the rant and you having previous work experience at a childcare center.

Also, you have children in my room, April.

Can you just confirm how long did you work as an early educator?

Oh?

I think like seven or eight years?

Oh wow, wow, wow, almost a decade. Yeah.

She used to get sick so much because oh my god, Like she would come home and she'd be like, oh, one of the kids was sick.

I'm like, great, now I'm going to be sick. Here we go again. And when I got sacked from every job I had the question the rant.

Is that these childcare.

Centers, the system as we call them.

Are charging people still for public holidays when they're closed.

Do you know why that might be? Uh?

Yeah, I think because you still have to pay the staff.

So you're paying. It's like it's like a voting for the day because the stuff still get paid. But they want to get paid.

Yeah, because if it wasn't a public holiday, they would be working, right, So the I mean, I know they're probably like, we would work, but bullshit?

Is it justifier? Though? But but you're not. We're not. We're not using the daycare though it's closed.

Well, fun fact, the day care that we just moved from now means he's only casually there now offers free public holiday casual days to replace the day that you paid for and it just started when we've already left that one get lost.

Yeah okay, so hang on a minute.

So if okay, every kid that would be there on the Monday they just gone, would get a free casual day at any time to use down the track.

Yeah, wow, is this a government thing or just no.

I think some centers did it. Ours definitely didn't until we left and then they decided.

They'll do that.

And to that center, we commend you. We do your bravery.

Yeah wow, not being compliant with a system that is destroying families all around the country. Just breaking away from the stigma that is it's the system.

Weirdly, like, I don't think you get charged on like Christmas Day and stuff.

If that's a public that.

Would just be on Christmas, like, wouldn't it. Yeah, where's your Christmas spirit? Here's a bill they thought a head for that one? Right? What else did we want to ask her that we were just talking about before?

Oh?

Yeah, who taught you the jumper hack?

Oh? Yes, I have no idea.

Maybe I got taught it. Maybe it's a generational thing.

I've been taught. Poppa's got something to do with it, for sure. Yeah, Papa would be able.

To it as a kid and whatnot.

So Papa would be able to tuck that in and somehow land a hanky in there at the same time.

Is it not known? It's a universal hack?

Isn't it? Just?

I put Lolla's jumper on this morning and it rolled up the sleeves underneath.

We had his tantrums. I didn't know about it until now. Well now you do.

You're welcome.

Thank you, Thank you, Papa, I'll say, because that seems very proper, like.

Probably all right, well April, what are you wearing? I mean, I'll see you later, all right, love you you later. I have good day. Love you, love you, love you, bye bye. You hang up one, two, three, you go by bye. Oh my god, you guys are so adorable. Thank you.

I sh se, well there you go. So I say, fair rant on that pair.

Rant, See what did you do? Just shake it ahead. You've missed this. I say, that's fair rant.

And hopefully they can suggest to their childcare center that others are doing this and that's actually a pyramid scheme.

Then if you're if you're a daycare listening in, if you're like a daycare ceo, just think about it, Okay.

Think about who you're hurting. Yeah, with your government mandated legislation, they're like, our hands are tired, but we'll give you three days. If that's what you want. That's you should. We go into some questions to finish off today.

Yeah, we've got some questions here. Ash and we have recently been doing a little segment in the listener question. We have been doing fucking Jesus can't talk, Yes, Ash we should, And we've been doing the last couple of weeks, we've been doing like our top three it and one that really kicked off was things you Shouldn't Say to a parent?

And the list is it really is endless, Like there's so many things you shouldn't say to a parent.

So I thought it would be remiss of us not to do things you shouldn't say to a parent.

Cart I love it. Put some silly music behind that. Please do.

Because you're a bunch of clowns. If you say any of this to a parent, thank you. All right, So we've got a list here, yeah, and we're going to just rattle off a few and then if you've got any that you want to share with us, please on the Facebook group, Instagram, TikTok, whatever you want to do, shout it into the universe and we'll try and pick it up and put it in.

Don't do that.

Definitely, definitely messages smoke signals. Definitely message us. Please if people are like.

I was screaming out for weeks, I'll hear you go on, well here, okay, first one. This one really infuriates me when someone tries to resonate with what you're saying by saying, you know.

What I'm going to do. I have a dog, so I totally understand. No, you do not.

They think what they're doing is lightening the load on you, saying, oh, we do that too, so you don't feel so abnormal.

Don't talk to us.

It would be like someone losing their arm in a car accident and going, I know that's like I once got a splinter.

Yeah, I cut my fingernail too short. One day it's irritating and you're like, I haven't had a lean. My limb is missing. Yeah I did not just say my look, it was the next one.

Okay.

Oh, it goes so fast, you'll miss this one day.

I fucking hate when people say that. Don't wish the days, admit the messy hands on the walls. One day that'll be gone and you miss it. Like when will I miss that? Yeah? I don't. I get the premise of it.

It's like you'll miss the like you'll miss the little cuddle tomit the kids.

Yeah get that.

I get that, But I'm wishing I get home and I'm like it's four o'clock. I'm like, funk, I wish it was six o'clock.

I am not going to miss like begging my child to eat a mouthful of their dinner and then putting up with a child that is screaming that it hates you because you're trying to wash its hair. Oh man, there's lots of ads a parenting a young child that I will definitely not miss, And you trying to say that, I'm like, I'm going to miss those parts of parenting. Do you have any people who say that we're not a fucking hands on parent?

Yeah, And it's usually the grandparents saying that sort of shit. Right, if a young person says that they've been brainwashed by an older person, idiots for sure. All right, Next one, which is sort of like similar to the grandparent thing. They love to do this one, and I'll try to put some context around it.

For example, if your.

Child's not sleeping, that's a really it's a low loan through that one. And my mum would say it, and other mum's mums would say it where they're like.

Have you tried this? Have you tried putting them in bed.

Yes, like fuck off, Like it's always that generation you do that.

Sorry, I've done that a number of any parents out there that I've said that too. And this is when I had Marley, who was a great sleeper, and I was just like, have.

You tried to swaddle? Swaddling? Try a different dummy? Or what we do is we sorry you do? Okay?

I have said that. No one's perfect. Don't say that. Don't say have you tried? I know it's a suggestion and very lighthearted, but it's usually coming from a place of, like I say, from grandparents, where they think whatever they say is right just because of their age and their experience. It's like, you used to beat kids in your generation.

You tried beating that kid.

Just always remind my mom about that, and.

She's like, I never I always say to my parents our woodenspoons for cooking. Only when you announce her expecting and someone says, oh, were you trying? No, it was an accident, starting your business, an abortion, Oh my god.

It's none of your business. It's like, look, I didn't know you were trying. No, you were trying. I didn't know that you were mounting her. What's that about? What's that about.

Oh my god, it doesn't matter really if you ask me. But look, we're I think we're all guilty of saying that once here and there next one.

This is just like back in my day.

Oh, never start a sentence to a parent if you're older.

I really hate the grandparents. I'm really into it. Sorry, pop up and my parents. I guess they exist too.

And it's it's like, yeah, back, if you're going to start a sentence with back in my day, just back right up.

I'm going to flip this and instead of attacking the older generation, I'm going to attack the younger generation. Here he is, okay, yeah, I'm becoming more TEENI every week down down those electric bikes when they and like, this doesn't happen as much anymore, but because I dog working in office. But if anyone on a Friday or Thursday, if they say, have you got any exciting plans for the weekend, and I'm like, I'm going to go to a park for a couple of hours.

Well, buy another park for a few hours, and.

I maybe watched some cartoons with the kids, And that is what I'm doing.

Get some broken sleep. I'm gonna yell at a child to try and eat all weekend.

I'll do a couple of loads of washing.

Yeah, they'll have to follow me everything I do around all the time. It's such a good way to be like, hey, it really screams have a good shit weekend.

The weekend just gone. That gurnying that was the highlight. Reprieve. That was the highlight, dude. People were like, did you get up too much?

And I'm like, I washed some pavers and that was the highlight of my week.

It was like a holiday fuck. And he's like, came near me. I just hit it with the water. Perfect. Last one. This is so triggering. This last one's triggering me. Come on, why do I feel like this.

Is coming from a grandparent as well or just.

Someone with older kids.

They say, if you think this is hard, just wait until.

I get that.

All the time with the girls, because they're like, oh, teenage girls, that's another kettle of fish.

Oh my god, especially because you've were all girls.

I know you want to manage my expectations, but just the ignorance is bliss.

Oh yeah, I don't want someone being like with Oscar. It's like, you think it's hard, now wait till he's committing petty crime. Waiting until I'll tell you right now, I'm waiting. Maybe they'll lock him up and I'll get some real reprieve.

Ash before we go. I have one very quick question that I'd love to ask you.

On behalf of Gemma. Hello Gemma.

This was submitted in the Facebook group a number of weeks ago. Jemmy with a JA or Jemmy with the G Jemmy with the G. Jimmy goff gg good game. She says, advice what to do when your toddler comes home from daycare and starts pinching you non stop. She finds it hilarious. No matter what we try or say, help.

Gemma finds it hilarious or the child finds it hilarious. No, I think the child or God first of all, Matt, we don't give it. You're being assaulted right now.

Yeah, call the police. That's my advice.

Yeah, call the police. And sometimes you know, police will do like a home visit to try and scare a child. I think that's what you need. That's not bad, that's not about it.

I think you could go because they're obviously learning it from somewhere, and I think if they're coming home from daycare. They're learning it there, so to outlearn it, it's their responsibility. So what I would do is I would threaten the teacher and say I'll start pinching you every time that kid pinches me unless you teach it out of us.

But again, we love our early educators.

In this country. I'm out of going my kid hit me. Every time my kid hits me, I'm going to hit you.

When she's getting locked up for assaulting teachers. I just pinch back the child. Give the child a taste of its own medicine.

Yeah that too. Do you like it? You don't like it?

If that reminds me of like when I, like, I tried to do a little learning moment with Macy where it was like she was getting what was she doing? I said to her, Okay, look, how would it feel if you.

Ask mommy and daddy to do something and we just didn't do it for you? How would you feel? And she's like sad.

I'm like, so, when we ask you to do something for us and you don't do it, how do you think.

We feel you're a good parent? Sad? And I was like, so do you understand?

And she was like nah, no, I was like, okay, well I'm going to pinch you now, so fuck.

She's like, stop talking to me. I want to kill some Lego toys. I want to pinch the head of a Lego toy. Ash.

Yes, if you have joined this podcast, maybe for the first time, maybe this is your first episode.

This is one hundred and fifty first episode. Thank you very much. I think it's more than that, isn't No, no, yes, you're right. Sorry, congratulations to you. Thank you very much, very kind of you.

What should people do right now if they've just joined us, it's the first episode?

What like? What like subscribe, leave a review, five stars, share it with ten friends? Like a pyramid scheme? Just go to the social media share that with ten friends. Just a bunch of pyramids.

Please scheme your way to success, they say, well said, and get it on a T shirt schemulated success.

That's next merch. Speaking of merch, we have T shirts.

I'm wearing one smelling happy teas on our website, Foodoting Dads dot com.

Ash, you need to get a flight. We need to get out of here. Goodbye, see you guys. Bye.

Who's in the group. Who's in the group? Facebook group?

Dan and then and then and then there you go.

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