#150 Mum Wicks Is In The House!

Matthew. Good morning. Hi, Hi, how are you. I've got some fantastic news for you. Please. Someone has suggested a middle name for the pending Johnson that is to be born, So.

Marley suggested one, which I like. I'm going to keep a secret is Bell.

Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie j and I am Ash.

And this is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable until he say relentless again, but I didn't well done, thank you. We don't give advice, Ash. So there is a doting list by the name of Mel. Her name is She has no kids. She doesn't have any anymore. That's weird. Rp your dogs. She owns the surf Shop Ah, which I am a senior team writer for. That's a joke. Is that where I bought my board on Board. They've

Air Freshman perfect because the Volkswagen is very moldy at the moment.

It's dangy. Yeah, that's gonna get you. That's gonna get your Farralf.

Then you nice little air fresh No, what has she got?

Mel? Hit me? So you mentioned in a podcast a couple of weeks ago that there was Christmas. Eve, spit it out. What do you got for me? Come on, Eve? Okay, poppy Eve Johnson boom, I don't wanna.

Yeah, No, it's a great suggestion, but it was Christmas Day that we conceived.

He can get back. It's still relevant, Eve, Eve. Bit of like a street name.

Eve's got to shive doesn't really roll off the love it, Eve Johnson.

No, it's poppy Eve.

I was just just just the tail end of it.

I think you should can continue with May. Like my mum is Mary Maywicks. Beth Is mayor Bethany Maywicks. That's weird, Elizabeth may Wicks, that's weird.

She's got noise canceling heads and we'll get to my mum. Sure she is in the she's in the room. She's currently sitting on the couch with headphones on.

Okay, I'm just.

Gonna let it Marin. I'm not saying no, I'm not saying yes. I'm saying and.

Maybe, well, maild hay Ash.

I just came straight from an incredible sporting event.

The Olympics, the Enhanced Olympics close similar.

This event has been postponed week after week after week because the weather's been terrible here in Sydney.

They don't let the kids run in.

The wet cross country Finally happened three day changes. This morning was this morning.

And you know, I told you.

I've been trying to get on the newsletter of the email. I'm not on there email blast, so I rely purely on the group chat on WhatsApp. And so I'm in there.

I'm okay.

And I was like, guys, like anyone off the restaurant tomorrow. They were like, yeah, it's a ninet fifteen.

The group chat. I got added to that and I removed myself immediately. Oh now it's it's useful. Well yeah, I know it would be useful, but I'm like not fair.

So this morning was the morning and it was it was exciting. The only kindy year one and two were running okay, so it was great. It was short, it was punchy.

What was yours again? Yours is like two kilometers a kilometer? I think ours was like I.

Guess if that was like a ten k equivalent. Ours was like the fifteen hundred. It was like a good middle distance. They have like a little like would you call it a quadrangle?

I love that word. Go unter, the discoverage wrong.

With two laps, two laps around the front courtyard.

The quad, the quad, thank you? Wow, I was nervous. Were there any kids crying? Oh yeah, they get mate.

It's quite like okay. Race one, Race one, boys and girls raced together. One girl, God, she quick. She was like she she won by like a lap.

Center to the Enhanced Games. Aaron Magnuson, like, it was incredible to see.

I was there with my sister and I was like, look at this girl, and I was like, she's going to slow down.

After the first lap. Faster doping, doping. I was definitely dope. I was thinking that can I tell you, when I was in primary school, there was a there was a rumor older years, not kindy, there was rumors of a kid that was doping. Why he was like lightning. He was like, start fast, go really fast in the middle, and then finish really fast.

Where is he now?

His name's James Magnuson. I don't know. It was just I think it was just like a rumor.

That spreads through the schoolgard I and then we're talking the other week about Oscar wanted to be the fastest and like the street cred within the school, it gets you being number one. I was like, I wonder how Mary is going to go? Like she wasn't into it. Leading up to the race, she was like why do we we spoke about it.

She's like why do we questioning it? What reason?

Because you have to, but I need a reason why. I was like, because it's fun and the boys are just like foaming at the mouth at the start line. The boys, She's just let go the lashes and like.

The great of the school.

But there was there was there was triumphs.

There were tears. Not Marley's race.

There's one boy, one boy, and everyone had finished. He had about fifty meters to go. He was coming last, and he just stopped and said, I can't do it.

I can't do it, no glory.

And then and then he kind of stopped. And then because it was hard, It wasn't it. It wasn't a big space, and there's a lot of kids moving around, and the teachers, you know, it's a kindy classes, so

I was like, ah, he's definitely gonna have a podcast when he's older.

But Marley was very excited. How did you go good?

She was like middle of the pack, middle of the pack. That's good. You want when like Oscar was the middle of the pack too, but he lost a shoe in the first I remember. I remember we had at school. We had a Stephen Bradbury moment at a regional carnival. So the regional carnival was close to us, was sort of like in Narrawbeene around the lake, but it gets really muddy there, like a spritz of rain and it's like a slip and slide dangerous. Anyway, I was in

Yes, It's like there was something about it can be any level, any age, any type of sporting event, and I'm locked in.

Oh yeah, I'm putting money on it.

I was able to race back here for this record.

What was your time back? I was like, you're in, You're like hold the bat, and Marley's like holding the bat now, and You're like, I've got it.

But I wanted to stay. I was like, I want to see the big kids. Because from grade one they then split it to boys and girls. It's getting serious.

You get the clip bought out. Yeah.

I was like, I want to hang around for the full show, but obviously I had to be here.

I'm missing the action right now. We can go back after this. I mean they running all day.

Race will be over, but yet's very it's very nerve wracking. Yes, as a parent, when do they have athletics? That's really going to be nervous that.

Yeah.

I spoke to my sister about that. And only until grade three do they do like long jump up. Until then, it's like egg and spoon race.

Imagine Marlon and I was trying to do a long jump. Ah just been like, why are we doing this? I was just like, jump, he's so competitive. Oh yeah. I do recall primary school being like the faster you run, the more chicks you got.

It's annoying though, how much how much the kids really enjoy you being there?

I missed this one though, because I was here. I remember Sorry, No, as April was there, she cried the whole time. I was like, why just stop crying, dude, it's an emotional morning. I think she was more crying for like the third gradest who were crying. He didn't want to do it. I don't want to die more of a library guy. But I wasn't going to go, and I'm glad I did. I'm yeah, yeah.

As you know, as they run past you and they get they look at you in the eyes.

Just light up. What sort of shoes was she in?

She had added as those black? No, she just upgraded from the nikes to the right. Kids running in like full jumpers and tracksuits.

And I was like, what are you doing? What do you mean like the school jumpers and tracks sty coming to like aerodynamic marley running in the same thing. Kathy Freeman.

There was one girl because obviously got the option of like the dress or the squat, and she was wearing one girl was wearing.

The dress with stockings and like ballet slippers. Shoes. Yeah, I've got this very good. Speaking of shoes, there's a new addition to the Wick's household. We were walking past we're in Big w and we're walking past a slipper rack and it had slippers. April loves a good slipper and they had kids boots too. Does she go a gown? Is she? She looks like a gown kind of gal. Yeah. I told you that story where I've thrown a few gowns out because she hangs on to them. At one time,

I'll do it.

And I was like, how did you fit your foot in there? And he was like, oh, I just crunched my toes, you idiot. And then I looked in the other shoe and it was the same. So you know when you go to try on shoes and the attendant goes takes out the pate, the mesh paper stuff and the cardboard that keeps it in show. He's walking around for weeks like the Chinese boundary feet. I looked down he's got carpal tunnel and I'm like, you're five.

He's like this, do you want to say, like, I think these might be too small for me?

Yeah, Because then he thought I might take him off him, so I was like running here. It was like I told you, they was all. I'm like, you need to be more specific.

He's probably thinking why are people so obsessed with his ug boots?

They're terrible. They're a terrible shoe. But it was when we pulled it out, he was so embarrassed. He was like and when he's realized that how dope he is about this particular thing. He fucking just took off up the hall away like in his room, slam the door.

Hear him, but he must have been like pretty damn good.

Now yeah, now he's like, oh, can I do a cross cross country?

Last week, I had a tricky night, ash tricky, tricky, tricky night. Lawla's dropped her naps at daycare. I had to give them an email. Oh that's right, Yeah, she's not napping, beautiful. But apparently the kids because they ramp up the learning, the learning ramps up, so they get more tired bullshit, And.

That's his teachers going, you know what, let's fucking just put them all asleep. Yeah, let's have it. I had a long lunch. They're like, hey, hey, you have some melotonin.

Well they've said, yeah, we'll keep a close eye on her. We make sure she won't have her sleep. She comes home and she's exhausted, she's absolutely gassed, just like any little thing sets her off.

She's probably used to the naps down.

And also because she's been last week, she was missing mum as well. But it was like, it was tough, dude, It's tough. I was like, you need to you need to have one piece of carried on your plate. Just eat one vegetable.

And she was like, you're a terrible dad. I hate you.

And I was like oh, and then like brushing your teeth. I was like, you need to you just need to brush your teeth just just a little bit, just a little bit, just like get the toothbrush in there. And she was like, you, ah, a terrible father. And I was like, okay, okay. Carl was copying that. The whole bed bath in a routine like start to finish, put up a story, and I was like, I did see that. This is what I've copped. And just to make myself

Ash.

I now know that kids, once they hit I think it's the age of like four, they start to understand the dialogue that cuts deep to parents.

Oh yeah yeah, and like Lola uses it all the time. Good thing. I'm was petty, just as petty as them.

So one person wrote to me Ash, she said, I got You're not the best mummy in the world anymore. When I let go of her hand after cuddling her for after one and a half hours to go to sleep, and then from a daddy says, mate, my five year old boy just started yelling like a bansheet, saying that I don't love him anymore because I say words that are bad to him all the time. The bad words were it's time for bed.

Now, you're naughty? Yea.

They just know the neighbors probably think I'm horrible to him. Okay, last one, Yeah, the other day, my four and a half year old was eating breakfast with me and his one and a half year old brother when he said, looked at me in the eyes and mentioned, we just like mum more than you. But that's okay, just so brutally honest.

I remember Oscar poking my tummy the other day and goes, why is it so squishy? You fuck? And then I locked him in the cupboard. It's so hurtful, isn't it? Like if they said it early and that they don't really understand. But now that you say to them, don't say that you hate people. It's really strong word and all sort of stuff, and then they whip that back at Adie. You're like, I wish I never taught you that.

I sometimes am tempted to say this, you're a bad daughter.

Just get as peedy. Well.

Sometimes Lula will look at me and she's like, you got a really big nose, and I'm like, it's not nice to mention anything about someone else's personal appearance, and okay, one time I did say, you have funny teeth.

That's not bad, right, Okay, so okay.

So I was like, of all the insults I'm going to go with about appearance, I'll go with teeth.

Yeah, I said funny, right, yeah, yeah, you could have gone making She she.

Was like what And I was like, I doubled down and was like, yeah, you got you got, you got funny teeth, balling your eyes out, random mom. And she's like you instead, I have funny teeth. And I was like, I'm trying to teach her a lesson.

Here, and it was was like, don't say that to them.

But I feel like that's the only thing that's going to make her understand If I'm like, you're a bad.

Daughter, how do you feel? That's how I feel when you? Oh I hate you too? Yeah I get petty too. I respond back, like if Oscar's like something about me. I'm like, well, guess what yours gonna look the same. It's like it's called genetics. Genius hates it when you just laugh in his direction, laugh at me. Yeah, I'm trying to teach him laughing with you and laughing at you. So the other day he fell over in the mud out the front. He was playing with the mate. They

Hey, we have been teasing your mother, who's been so patient, so patient, sitting on the cash, not said a word. Yeah, quiet as mouse, Let's bring her in. Let's let's have a quick chat. Yes, let's bring her in. Can I just say yes? We have been trying to get you on the podcast for a long long time.

Things kept happening.

I've been very resistant, really no talk into the microphone, Okay, this is don't yell at your mother like that. Sorry, I'm sorry, Grad, You're more nervous than nervous. I'm fucking nervous, straight off, Straight off the bat.

Someone did message in and we have talked about Ash's recent ADHD diagnosis. Does that come as a surprise.

No. No, he was very fulon child, and especially since his older sister was extremely easy going, it was very noticeable.

That's dead.

But then lots of people used to say to me that Beth was the odd one, that Ash was actually the more than normal one.

Thank you, thank you.

What people used to say to me with Ash?

When did you realize that, gosh, this could be a tricky baby. Tricky is the wrong word. Why did you hate Ash?

Didn't?

Well, he didn't sleep at night very much, and he was very loud, very vocal, even as a baby.

People used to say to me, what's wrong with them?

And because he'd just.

Be lying there, verbalizing, and I'd just say, like, he just likes the sound of his own voice. Nothing has changed, Yes, but he was extremely loving and very cute during the day.

At night, he was a little demoned, in fact, so.

Bad that we actually got letters in the box from the neighbors complaining about this child screaming half the night.

How bad was it?

Well after about nine months where I occasionally.

I'd just sleep it, sleep through it all.

Yeah, did you get immune to it? No, not immune, just.

Exhausted to pass out. Really, we dealt with it while.

We took him out of his bedroom and put him in the hallway and we blocked.

The front door, so I, no, I'm going to come through the door.

We did the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, there no windows in the hallway.

Yeah.

And the neighbors on the other side were a bit more forgiving.

They were death pretty much.

And so what another neighbor wrote you a letter. Yeah, also, that's a bit passive aggressive.

Didn't the cops come?

No, the cops didn't come. I got this note. I was a bit taken back. And those neighbors hadn't been in there long. And I went over there and it was about nine or ten the morning. She offered me a glass of wine, So there you go.

Okay, that's the sort of people. Yes, Yeah, I'm not the problem massive, That's what I'm getting from this.

When you were very loud, though, you were so loud that you actually when you actually started speaking and talking.

You could tell that he'd actually damaged.

He's always had a very I had this voice when I pass the coloring quick sig yes, well.

And was there a moment where he became obedient? Did he grow out of that face? Was he toilet trained? Was he someone that liked to bend the rules.

Pushed the envelope? You couldn't give him an she'd want a mile. Here's numerous, numerous examples of that. At one stage, we'd had a bit of ado at home and we had some leftovers beers, and Wayne's his dad's not a really big beer drinker, so we've stuck him in the cupboard, the top shelf.

And then we had we had something.

Else coming up, and I said, oh, there is that bear and then go up there and there's no beer there.

And he's about thirteen or fourteen.

And Wayne always he thinks his father wanted to overreact.

I'm going on, just be chilled.

It's okay.

Yeah, so you know I set him down and I should have done that. Blah blah blah, you know, blah blah blah.

Anyway, how did he respond when he got caught?

When he was.

We weren't we were trying to downplay it and not make a huge issue.

He knew it was wrong, did you? That's the funny thing was.

The funny thing was about two or three days later he rang me up at work and goes, I'm going down on mates place.

Can I take a couple of beers?

You did example of Ashton, You couldn't sort of say and really you're doing yourself take him no, because if if I knew, I could give him an inch and he wouldn't want a mile. Because with Beth you could say, oh, Beth, you can do this today, and then she'd never asked to do it again.

Hide and ship. Probably I'm not the only one in that house that was like that.

So saying that, I'd love to get your version of events, because I know there was a case when ash was a little bit older than you have to pick him up from the police station sixteen Queensland.

He was very lucky he wasn't seventeen because in Queensland they wouldn't have boned his parents.

Yeah, he sent rules up there.

Yeah, and we're very close to the border obviously, and he managed to talk one of his mate's older brother into giving him a driver's license.

His driver that you look similar, yeah kinda.

Yeah, they retain he's could have been a brother.

Yeah yeah, okay, And.

So I'm in bed. Was it was during the week too.

I was in bed for Thursday night, yeah, yeah, Friday, and I got.

This phone call, Oh, this is police patient, We've got your son here. What And he goes, can you come come up?

And and I think I actually rang back because I thought bloody mates are playing tricks or something, and they, oh, yeah, we know, we've got to.

Do that, they tell you on the phone call. Why.

I think he tried to get into the casino which was across the.

Road, which is like pick a pub you yeah, yeah, you know.

It's like the most strictly policed thing. There's no way they're going to go, oh mate.

You're joking, go away, go home.

No, they've got to phone the cops and do the all the procedural things to maintain their licensees.

Why wouldn't you just pick like a crappy little rs L.

I was dumb, It's very dumb. He had the striped switch.

It was.

Half my head.

What do we have on t shirt? Like a switch sweat shirt?

It was like a child it's something in the screen sixteen.

Year old boy.

I look like Oscar.

It looked like a sixteen year old boy trying to get into.

What did you say to the person When he was like this is not your idea?

I was like, yeah it is. And then he was like, what's your middle name? And I got it wrong? The birthday wrong too, and then he was like I was like, oh fuck. And then the shirt. My mate was like run run, and I was like, in the middle of the casino, we're going to.

Run to.

And then yeah, they came around arrested me in the middle of the casino, and who got you? The cops or the security. The cops, the casino, the security guary kept me there, but the cops station was literally across the road. They were there in a halfbeat.

They were like, this is the easies Jobaday's happening.

But the thing is it happened so fast that I got we got me, and my may got dropped off by a girlfriend's right. They were like, oh, I have a good night guys, because we're going We're meant to go to a bar that's on the outside of the casino. But I think Josh was like, oh my mates are in. They're just in the casino. We'll just go meet them. Were go. I was like, oh, yes, is so confident?

And I'm calling get a police.

Yeah. Different, that's different. That was that was different. Let's not talking about that one. And then and then yeah, all I remember is mum coming through the front door.

And they said to me, he's lying to us. I just walked into them and I said, you idiots.

Don't lie to the police.

I know what are you doing?

And anyway there, so they took us into the room videotis and everything embarrassing moment of my life.

Yours. I'm living the right.

And the other thing was that his grandmother, Nanny Olive, was there at our place and she loves it drama and she's like, oh, that's right, and I said, no, it wasn't. It was only like ten or eleven because I got off the phone and I said to your father, who was still I was in bed because I was working there, and he's he was up, and I said, you go and get your son.

Overcome his son. It's a boy thing.

You go deal with it.

And he goes, oh, I've had to so, and then Olive goes, oh, come.

And she's the biggest drama cla.

She would have been in there all the cops, no, telling all the stories.

One of the only people that can tell Nan no. And she'll listen.

I just wait, no, all of you're staying here with you your She actually gave me money to go out that night.

That'd be right, NaN's only grandson. So I'm like, I'm the top tier. Yeah yeah, yeah. But I remember mum walking in. I remember them sitting me down in that room where they were filming and recording, and.

What about when you want to go to the toilet?

Oh yeah, So I was like, I really need to go the toilet. And they were in this mode of like, let's scare this kid.

And it was the only thing going on. It was quite nice, had all these police on them.

There was one other guy in the lock up who was mental, and they were like put him in with him and they were like, all right, well, we'll see you out here, but if you missed Mabe, and they kept going in with Clive. Yeah, pretty much. He was at the door like and then I was like fuck.

Yeah.

And then I was like I need to go to the tour. They're like, yeah, we'll come. And what we're watching?

I was like what.

Watch me? And I don't know what's going on. They're like, just in case you dropped something down there. I was like like what, we don't know, you tell us and I was like no, no, no, And I was like had to hold on because I was just heared together the tall and then walks in and they sit us down. They have the video camera on, they have the whole interrogation thing going on and asking me questions, and I don't think I got a single word out because I cried the whole time.

Yeah, it was the you've used a stolen license across the border, so it's a cross border felony.

Was going to.

We lived in Tweety, had a new South Wales driver's license. We were in Queensland, so we'd gone across the border and that makes it that much worse. And even though he tried to say it found this license, it's stealing by finding.

Yeah. Yeah, it was like you're going to jail, mate. I thought I was going to jail.

They made it to the point and then they were Actually, it's probably lucky that happened because it kind of straightened you out a little bit.

Yeah, well, yeah, let's go because put us onto them.

Quick.

You must be very proud though, how ashes turned out.

Oh yeah, absolutely. He's a fine young gentleman, and he, as.

I said during the day, he has always been extremely loving about his family and he's very loyal, sing it, sing it. Yeah, So you know, I knew it'd be right. And he's not dumb, well he's not. He can figure things out that he figured that out, and I was like, okay, I don't want to go do this again.

He's the type of person that can turn his hand to anything.

Isaink. I'm feel I'm blushing. I'm blushing. Let's turn that off. Let's do you want to ask?

Well, here's an example of how loving he is.

Please when when he was twenty or something, he was at home still and I went over to New Zealand for a while to do some study, and then and then he took me to the airport way mess took me into the airport and he wept the whole time at the airport. And even when his sister went to Europe at eighteen, we drove her up to Brisbane and he cried all the way home.

Oh my gosh. He is a very loving man.

Whenever I talk about crying, he has a go with me, and you're you're the town crier.

I want to hang on. I've got back myself up here a little bit. Just put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Yeah, firstly, my sister moves away. Secondly, my mom moves away. I felt abandoned. Matthew, you have to stay here with your dad. And I was like, oh god, And I was like, I went the hierarchy after they left, went Dad dog Ash And I was like, I knew that was going to happen, and I was just just I was sad about it. I was sad.

Do you have any PTSD being a grandmother?

Now?

Is Oscar similar to ash was.

Like a very similar. Oh my god, he's a little lesh you know.

When I see him, he happens to be going to the same school that Ashton went to. And to see him in his school uniform, it was kind a flashback.

It was like a very start.

He's not quite as. He's not quite as. He's not as much a people person.

You were always very every like all my family and my brother and I would loved Ashton because he was he was sociable, he was up for him, you know, and Oscar is a bit more, a bit more, you know, a bit more mellow than that.

He's very similar, very sporty, loves to kick a.

Ball because a whip.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's like, yeah, I energy cluff, I see so much. And now that, yeah, he goes to school at the same school. I'm like waking out every time you take him. There was the same crossing lady is there and I spoke to her the other day and I was like, how long are you been here for? And she was like thirty something years. I said, do you know the last day of school here in two thousand and two. I you know, it's an emotional day like you've been with his friends for like Earl splitting up to go

We house swat with some old neighbors. We'd moved to Queensland. Oh not Queensland, tweeteas and I think not that some of it. The following someone we swapped hous of some old neighbors. So we moved into their house just before Christmas. Yea, and Ash straight away onto the mates, going surfing blah blah blah, and off he disappears, and then I get

And he goes more you.

I said, well, you know, maybe you just got coming out from eating too much for McDonald's too fast blah blah blah. And then a couple of hours after that, I get another phone call, but this is from the boy's mum.

Oh, there's something really wrong with Ash. He's got this really bad pain blah blah blah.

So I said, okay, so we wayne Dad went and got him and then he comes back, and then he comes in the house and he leaves Ash and they can't really goes there's something wrong with him, a bit of take him to the doctor, my dad, doctors don't go well, it doesn't feel.

But he works in yet.

Anyway, So it's like the day before Christmas, and so we go to the local medical center. Wait, wait, wait, is any one doctor and blah blah blah. Get in there and he goes, I think it could be a twisted tescical. You'd better go to the hospital. So then we get up to the hospital and.

They were really good because by the stage he was sweating.

He was gray. Dude, I'm telling you right now, the most painful thing I've ever been through. I was sitting in a chair in the waiting room and I was like, I was white knuckling that chair so hard I thought I was melting the plastic, which.

Is it was must cruciating as a mother.

The worst part is when my dad think he not.

We had people coming around for barbecues.

When Dad picked me up because he hadn't seen my mate's mum in ages and I was in pain. He and my dad could talk the leg off a chair. He decides to have a full conversation with this person. I'm in the car I'm beeping the horn and he's like, I stop being rude, like and I was like, it's my fucking nuts and he just went use it.

The nuts ended up fine. You've had now two beautiful children. Yes, when you look at the father that ashes turned into what makes you most proud, the patience.

He shows, the hands on because you know, you guys are so much more hands on.

The first for knowledge.

I mean, we didn't really we just just did what our parents do. Well, now you guys think a lot more deeper about it, the whole parenting thing.

And you know, so I really admire that his relationship with April is very good, and his in laws it's very good.

I'm getting. All I'm hearing is that un likable.

And he's always been. He's always been.

You know, he's not lazy, he's a he's not said on us. But I remember thinking of because he left school. He took himself off from school, and I said, you can't leave school because he was and if he had stayed in Sydney's no way he would have left school a year ten. But everybody up there leaves at year ten because all the dads are trading. Yeah, And I said, well, you need.

To get yourself something. So he did.

He went out and got himself an apprenticeship, which I knew he wouldn't finish.

I said, he'd be bored stupid.

I did. I did my time. I just haven't finished the education.

Yeah, but you know I knew he wouldn't sort of stay on that level.

Well, you've raised a great young man and I'm very privileged to call him a friend and a co host. Now did you ever catch him masturbating?

Wow?

No, I did.

Ask him once though, because after the operation, the doctor didn't say to me, oh, you might want to take him off to the species to make sure everyth that's working. And I remember six months later thinking, you know, do I really want to bother with that?

I just said to her, how's it going down there?

And way?

Okay, must be right as clo as she came, hopefully fucking all right, let's wrap this up. Yeah, thank you so much. All right, it has been enlightening.

Thank you, thanks for having me pleasure.

Thank you, mom Ash, you just signed for listener questions. We are going to revisit peir Rants next week for sure, for sure, do not panic if your bit bangers come people are.

Probably thinking right now, where is the themes on? I know they're probably like, I need a headache to quick it'll come back next week.

Fear not so questions, Ash, I've got one for you, Ay, Ash, I would like to know. This is a question for myself. I've submitted this on social media too, dotting dads on Instagram and I set the question and the question reads.

Well, said.

Ash, are there any places that you feel should be child free?

My house?

I did see there was a Reddit thread and someone said, I think everywhere should be child free and we should just have designated child areas, like where you go for smoke.

Oh that's genius, like a pub. There's only spots that you can have your kid in that part of the Do you get fined if your kids like find a way not an a leash or something. I start telling my kids that. I would say the shops. I think, like, I'm not the Okay, let me be specific. Okay, the shops themselves in a shopping center. But the shopping center bit where there's like the playground and stuff can kids in there? But like for example, if it's like there's

In perfect Is this the thing or is this what you want it to be?

This is what I wanted to be. Sorry, yes, I was like, wow, what about you? What do you got?

This is hard because I'm also like hindering myself and my people, the other parents. But I reckon, Ash, I reckon. Maybe there should just be not as a blanket rule that kids should not be allowed on this particular.

Why do I feel like this is going to be groundbreaking? I would like there to be.

This is long haul flights, particular flights that you can book where it's entirely child free genius, so obviously like you're not going to there'll be.

Other flights available. A swingers crews.

So if I'm traveling with the kids, absolutely there's the option to book a child friendly flight. But if I'm traveling by myself trying to escape the kids, I just think there should be a flight, even if there's like you know the big big planes, there's like two stories, like put the kids down the bottom of the basement and then upstairs can be changes. Yeah, yes, in the body of the plane. Next you carry your pets, you like, just check them in.

And you put them in a carrier and see you on the other side. Maybe I'm not there to comfort you if something happens.

I just think, like I sympathize with parents. I would never have a crack at anyone who's got a screaming child. But when you've escaped your kids and you don't have to sit next.

To a kid, that's what we're talking about. Taking a trip without the kids this year, just like a couple of nights I said to April because she was like, what about this place, this place, And I was like, there's kids in the photos. I'm not going anywhere near a place that has fucking kids.

Are you going to book an adult only are you?

Yeah? Fucking oath are you yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I see a kid, I'm just kind of throw him into the ocean, So be like, I do you haven't seen my timmy, have you? No? No, he can swim right anyway. I totally agree because I know, like when I was younger and I was on like if I had no kids and getting on a flight and I get onto a fight because I would buy a cheap ticket and they'd be fucking like ten screaming kids around me to drive me crazy. But I was obviously much younger.

If a random person is like, hey, you going, there's a little gift bag, it's.

Like give it as the kids. Yeah no, well, I'm just like, what do you got in there? A couple of pills? It was clear because that's the only way I can get it on the plane. They were like, you know how they're like in they have to be in those ziplocked bags and it's just got on their little note saying Hi, my child is X years old. I don't know if the child might have been autistic or something, and it was just like just just want to say thank you for your patience.

Yeah, you're gonna have a terrible experience on this flight, but just to manage your expectations. This is going to happen, because like, that's a nice touch.

There was also that other video where that guy was on a tour our flight and that kid would not stop annoying him and no one was saying anything to the kid. Remember did you say that? So he was there headphones on. He must have interacted once with a game. You know sometimes if you interact with a kid and it's a one off to you, but they think it's a game. And he was like knocking the headphones off his head and the parent was like and the guy

That's why I'm saying child free flights.

Yeah, because it's like they're in business class now, these kids know i'mbelieving Okay, Matthew, it is my turn, and I have a question for you. Hit me, and that question is, as followers, we turn this down. If you've got kids in the car, at what age do you think that you start to tell your kid kids that certain things aren't real? Just preface this to the parents.

If I reckon, it has to be done when you start coping a lot of heat, right, because we have now we've got the question from Ali of like, well, how does how do how.

Does he do it?

It is there are so many people such a short amount of time, how is that possible? And I'm like, well, it's magic and they're like, ah, sure, like question answer, put it to rest. But once they start like really starting to grill you, and they're like strong line of questioning, yeah yeah, once, yeah, Once they're digging deeper and like the line of you know, an answer with the word magic doesn't quench their appetite.

Yeah, well said.

Thank you, And they're like but up, but how but show me how? And they need facts. Then I think there starts to come a time where you got to go, Okay, look kid, I fucking lie to you for seven years.

Yeah. I think when they figure out that you can talk into the remote control to YouTube. That's when you need to tell them before someone else does.

How did you find out Santa wasn't really look.

Well, we didn't have Christmas in my house. Remember if you recall from two years ago that I broke the news to that story and it was on the Daily Mail or something calls from New York. We're going to make a movie about you. In my house, we had no Christmas. We didn't really do Easter in my house. Halloween was like if a kid came to the door, Mum over here, literally, she'd be like, damn. So I don't really recall, but I know that the neighbors around us,

He was on the corner of the street being like, listen, hear Timmy.

They'll learn one day.

But I was thinking about this question, and I was thinking, if you've got if your child has a younger sibling, yes, that's so yeah, me too, you know, And it's like, do I wait until the youngest is old enough to tell them both, or do I try and confine in Oscar, who's a blabber mouth of the highest guard that you you can't tell because he would just hold.

It over and be like, do you really think Santa is real? Because I know the.

True That's what my older brother did. I was grade I was grade one, and he was like.

Fucking idiot and I was I was like, what do you mean.

He's like, there is no Santa Claus put a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, it's on me and I was like, I was like oh, and I remember being like, you you're wrong, he is real? Right, it goes and I think I ran to mum and I was in tears, being like.

Is tell me, Please tell me it doesn't sow.

And I think she did keep the facade going for a little bit longer than Eventually, after multiple cigarette burns by my brother, I was like, it's it's a sad.

Time, and it's a sad time. That is going to be a.

Sad moment when the tooth fairy Easter Bunny.

I think it's going to be more sad for April and the kids. I don't really care that much because that's just a reflection of my childhood. We can thank my mum for that. But yeah, look I'm daunting there. I'm just daunting though, how I'm going to explain it, because realistically, if you want to get to the needy ingredient, we're encouraging a stranger to enter your house in the middle of the night. Very confusing, and in some instances they take a tooth, that's theft, you know, they do

And not only does he I guess he gives you stuff, but you've got to like reward him. You've got to like you've got to leave, you got to feed him, You've got to give him drink, You've got.

There's got to be some sort of crime about breaking into someone and actually giving them something. These kids, we'll get to the bottom of this Santa Claus thing. Ash.

Yes, that is our episode, done and dusted.

Yes it is another day, another week, another episode, another journey.

And if you have enjoyed this journey so far along with us, and you haven't subscribed, let me just tell you how bitterly disappointed I am in your behavior shocking.

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