I've been cursed. Go on. Last week, I gave a lot of shit to some pet parents. Yeah, you go hard on them, really got them good? What happened? I don't know what the record is for times in one day stepping in dog shit, but I think I've broken the record.
What was it? Welcome back to three darting Days.
I am Mattie J and I'm Ash and this is a podcast with our parenting and it is the good.
It is the bad and the relatable. If you come for advice, sorry, none, no, none, none, except maybe don't shop on pet parents because your dog were here and she was like, you neglected me? Was it your ship the dog shit, not my ship. I'm not shopping out in the law on anymore. I was just doing some stuff around the house and I was like, April shit, okay, anyway, So I was doing some stuff around, giving me a taste of my own medicine.
I like it.
I like it. I was like doing stuff around the house with slides on. You know how I do like my slide. I do love slides. I had a pair of slides going stepped in dog shit at the front. Ironically, I was scooping up dog shit and stepped in dog shit and then I was like, oh fuck, wash the bottom of those shoes. Put him in the sun for him to dry dog poop free. That's a tongue twister. And then I put some other slides on, walked around the side of the house, boom straight into another poop.
How many slides have you got? Six? Nice? Then I put my Vans on because Oscar was like, hey, can you kick the footye with me? I was like, yeah, but don't go up that.
And the Vans are the worst because they've got such deep crevasses.
Well said, thank you said they're perfect. Whoever at Vans was like, let's put this on the bottom of the shoes. So I was like why, They're like, because you can't get dogshit out of there. Make them five centimeters deep. You gotta get your out there. Anyway, this continued, the three shoe rotation all day more well that was three, Well, I keep going and then you're gonna tell me every single one, no, I'm not. But it just rotated. So I kept having to wash my shoes and put him
in the sun. The one sunny day, which was Saturday, and I figured the only time I would have been go outside. I've stepped into dog poos six times. It must be karmer. I'm sorry, I stand by it. The no you just you're gonna get fucking shot on tomorrow because of that worth it. Hey, before we go into a normal episode, obviously, we want to make this a space where we sit down, we have a laugh, and we're very lighthearted before we go into a normal episode. I do just want to give it to a nod
to some recent news that came out. I'm sure people would have seen it. There was two brothers, Adam and Troy Selwood, sadly, both of whom have now passed away as a result of suicide. I don't know if it's just myself. I don't know if you're in a similar position, but it just feels like the last four months for me, in addition to high profile individuals like Troy and Adam,
there's been a lot of suicides amongst men. Yeah, I feel like we only really as a society, jump on the back of it when someone in the spotlight happens to But it happens so so regularly to everyone, like in terms of friends, family, you know, day to day, week to week. The statistics are crazy Yeah.
And for me at the moment, it's been about every three weeks there's been someone else that I've known, not super close, but you know, friends of friends, people who are you know, in our community, have decided to end their own life. All have been young men around their mid to late thirties. I don't know what the fuck is happening. It's really scary and one of the hardest things.
As well as one of my friends whose brother passed away, and I was thinking to myself, it's been a while since I've spoken to them, and I thought, I don't want to reach out and say I'm sorry about the news and then that be a reminder of the situation they were facing.
Yeah, it's sort of one of those you don't want to be like, hey, sorry, you lost this person. They're like like a pylon. You don't want it to be like a pylon of emotion.
Yeah, And if you you know, it's if you're having a moment where it's not at the forefront of your mind and someone raises the topic and all of a sudden you're thinking about it again, and then you're thinking about it if you're on that phone call. I don't want to be the trigger for that. I ended up speaking to them over the phone and I said like, I'm really sorry about the passing, and they were like, it's really hard because when it's suicide, you don't want
to talk about it. People don't want to bring it up. It's the elephant in the room.
You know.
If it was something like cancer or a car crash, it would be much easier for others to bring up, but they hold back, so it is really isolating for friends and family. The thing I really strug about is when someone does decide to take their own lives, how they're able to do that knowing that they're leaving behind loved ones, especially the kids.
Yeah, just because you're a parent and a husband, it doesn't mean make you immune to life's problems, but it's yeah, it's it makes it all that bit harder. I suppose it's always going to be hard for whoever is involved in his community and what, you know, but to leave two young kids and a wife behind is tragic, and I think, like, what what could have been done to maybe, you know, alleviate that happening to him of course, and
to his wife and his kids. It's just it's just tragic and both of them as well, both had wives and kids, and it's like it's devastating, it's hard to watch, hard to can.
I can ask you, as someone who has had their own struggles with mental health, in those moments where you were at your lowest, the thoughts of your children and your wife, are they enough to pull you out?
Yeah? I mean I've sort of struggled with my mental health for a long time. Really, I think came prevalent when I started to have kids. And at that time, it was it was a different dark it was a you know, a really it was a really tough time. Is that a newborn. We weren't getting any sleep. I
couldn't see any positives in anything. And that was that was you know, that time there, and I, thankfully I started to realize what was happening, My wife started to realize what was happening in lent an ear, and I started to feel a little bit of relief of the pressure. You might be in that darkness of darks, but there is a way out there if if you're willing to open up to it, or someone's willing to give you the opportunity to open up to it. It's not a
one and done situation, no way. It was a really long, arduous battle. But when I sort of got to the end of that battle and looked back at how those thoughts were, it were impacting my mind, but those thoughts physically and impacting out towards the people I love what that would have actually done. And then I've sort of spent my whole parenthood sort of facing those demons here and there, and there's always going to be ups and downs, and there is, like I said, there are ways out
of it. And when I started to fall into that darkness again when I'm going to say maybe twelve months ago, around that time we were doing this podcast. Everything was running really really great. I was successful, as you call it, but mentally I wasn't and it was a different sort of it was a different sort of darkness. But to get out of that, I found that I had two young kids now and I remember when I remember very vividly, and I'd spoken to it about this on another podcast
before that. When I started to have those really really dark thoughts, theres one person that popped into my brain and I can't imagine an oscar without me, and that saved my life. There was a time where I was trying to escape him, and now I was using him to give me motivation to seek help and talk to someone. And it can be so. I remember the first time I ever, ever sort of was vulnerable with April about
this stuff, back in twenty twenty or something. And I know I was a novice at this, right the first time you fall into this dark hole, you think you're completely alone and you're there for the first time, and then you're like, I don't know how to do it. But I just remember. I just remember having a conversation with April about it. I opened up just a little bit. At that time, I was still really scared to talk about how that I wanted to escape her and I
wanted to escape myself. I felt embarrassed, but she just gave me the space to say it, and it was like a pressure valve. And then it was like she didn't pressure me to continue, but she just gave me the space when I needed it to tell how I'm feeling. And its slowly it's snowboard into the confidence to seek a professional help. And I see a therapist now once a fortnight. Okay, I've maintained, you know, not that sort
of consistency. But I know this year where it was struggling with you know why my brain does certain things and my neuropathways and all sorts of stuff. I found myself having those thoughts again where it was the world would be better without me, and it's not, you know what I mean. And for guys like these two guys who are athletes, they're ex athletes, they're sort of moving into the second part of their life, which is not an athlete ex athlete, and into fatherhood and parenthood and
navigating what's next, which must be really, really hard. But my message to that person is that is going to be hard, but it's harder for your family to operate without you. So have have a take a second and and just talk to someone you know, like and if you're the husband, the wife, or a friend, an uncle, anyone,
whoever it is, and you can see someone struggling. I used to walk around this house with a smile on my face, but I wasn't happy and I would, you know, and some people would be able to pick up on that. But if you're the closest person someone, you could pick up something's not right. Just say talk to me and just shut your mouth.
And let them talk, and like April did, do it in a way where you listening with no judgment.
Yeah, I think it got to a point where, and I've said this before, that she in that situation, she also had some mental demons and she was getting better and I was getting worse, and she just pointed out something really obvious and it really gave me an opportunity to think about what what I could do or how
can make myself feel better. And for these guys that are going into their fort is in their second part of life and not knowing and losing their identity as an athlete, I can imagine that it would be really really hard. But be honest, be open. I mean, there's the moment.
The moment you think that you're not doing okay, it's so important to speak.
Up if you are struggling or you know you're not you're not feeling your best, or you feel hopeless, or you feel like the world will be better without you. Just just please know that it gets better. At one hundred percent gets better, and you look back at it and you learn from it, and then next time you start to feel bad, you'll have the tools because your brain knows it's there. So don't don't neglect your mental health for Fox's sake, Like don't it's it's not worth it.
Amen Well said, either open your mouth to someone, or if you see someone that's struggling, open your ears up. Don't provide a solution, just provide an ear.
Anyone else out there who wants help and is struggling to find someone to reach out to, we will put in the show notes. Some great organizations are a perfect place to start those conversations.
Yeah, I'm doing some work with Lifeline. Now we'll leave that number in the show notes. So please use the number if you're not feeling okay, or send me a message if you want, send me a message on Facebook, Instagram, whatever you like. I'll be able to hear from you.
In the past, we spoke about Oscar having an oral presentation on mainly seagulls at school.
Has he had another one? Has it a follow up? No? No, they're doing At the moment they're doing this, a parent comes in and reads with them all. So April did it on Monday where she went down to the school like late in the afternoon. She read to the class with Oscar and two other boys. I don't want to do that and over there, I think Parie turns into an asshole when I'm around. But then you've got to build their confidence, Matt. And that's that's what I think it's there for.
Okay, So I had I had our second task. We had the first oral presentation on an animal. I recall it was Buster three legged dogs, shout out to Buster. Like we did a follow up presentation.
The task was. The task was a place on location that is special to you? Okay, what did you go with? Okay?
And it could be like anywhere, right, could be like a destination and very obscure.
It was a low hanging fruit. Okay.
So we The issue we have was right from the get go, because she was like, I want it to be the house and I was like, well, how are you going to make that interesting?
You mean home?
And and I was like, because you have to, what's a funny story of something that's happened at this location?
And I was like, nothing funny ever happens around here? Right, I was like, what are we going to fucking pick? Like, what do we got?
Okay, Marley, think about something. Because you can't write down these speeches, they have to memorize it.
Oh wow, do they know she's like six but it's three points, okay, three points. You need a hook.
Think of it as a social video. You might not know this, okay, but I live in Bondai. That was a hook okay. And I was like, that's very good. But also I'm hooked.
Everyone lives in bond goes to the school because it's in the catchment. But anyway, think about that. But I was like, okay, Maley, so remember that you might not know I live bon Dye. Take it away.
And she'd be like you really should maybe no, And we we practiced and practiced and practice. I couldn't get the hook. And I was like, that's fine, leave the hook. Funny story. What do you want to make up? And she's like, funny story, the cat sleeps in my bed. And I was like bol bingo, fantastic and h and what what do you love about the house and she's like I love that Nana.
Lives in the house. That's lovely. I was like great, great, So I said, let's practice, let's practice this speech. She was just I didn't want to film it because I didn't. I was like sitting down and I was like, okay, t take it away, go and she's like some times when there's a there's a cat and Raspberry is in the house, and when I'm at the house, there's also my nanna. And I was like good, trying to be encouraged, but.
I was panicking. I was like, this is this is ship.
I was like Simon cal on the couch, being like, you can do better, and I was starting to get a bit worried.
And also I did leave it kind of last minute, was like the night before. They've had it for a week standard, but I was like I went to my mom and I was like, is this all kids?
This bad? And she was like absolutely, oh yeah yeah. If you try and get oscar to get like repeat anything, oh oh my god. Man Like but then he'll be like we'll drive past something and what did he say the other day? Just like the memory and it's unbelievable what they will remember and what they won't remember. It's like, don't forget to grab shoes, okay, completely forget to get shoes. I'm like, okay, okay, Manly verse Sharks last year round fourteen.
He's like eighteen, Yeah, like what and he was like, who's called? Who's it's like, okay, all right, did Marley listen to a song once and she knows all the words? I'm like, where the fuck is your jumper?
And she's like, I don't know. She's like she's lost another jumper.
Oh my goodness.
At least it's good. It's reassuring. Tonight, I was like, oh my god, she's this oral presentation is.
Awful and she's got no jumper on. What the hell's going on? Yeah? Look, I'm waiting for the next oral presentation to be presented to Oscar. He is an SRC member right. The other day he was like, we had an SRC today. I was like, oh, yeah, how'd you go? And he goes, I didn't. I was like what He's like, No, I'd lunch into dead. I was like the spirit politics
and its finners, Matthew. Yes. I had been traveling a little bit, as you know, the last couple of weeks, just with bits and bobs, bits and jobs and so busy, busy boy. I recently took some advice from you about farting on an aeroplane. Hey, you just let them rip do it. But I only do that internationally. I've got a line. I've drawn the line, like like I who was it? La fla. What a surprise, pleasant surprise, Hello, darling, what on earth? Yeah, it's a bit late. I'm terribly
sorry everyone. You know, I just got to get on the mic. I'm terribly sorry. Pull up a chair, get out of my arm, take your hands, I'll get out of my love you. What a pleasant surprise. Anyway, So I draw the line where on domestic flights I hold for what reason? It's only an hour usually? Why is that?
I don't know if anything I thought like domestic would allow you to like fin.
There, I show some common courtesy. I was like, okay, okay, I was up in Burley, I had a night out before. I was pretty gassy. I'm gonna be honest. Sorry, Jess. First of all, I want to say sorry Jess. And I listens about this story, but I was embarrassed. Anyway, So I get on this plane. I'm I'm holding in my fart, and you know how much that hurtserps? Okay, okay, I think we should stop the podcast, I think. And
so I was holding it in. I was holding it in, holding it in, and every every ten minutes that went past, it was getting more and more painful. And I was like, okay, went to get my I landed. I've made it, okay, and you're not fighting on the plane. No oh, I've held that in for an hour and twenty minute. I made up time in the air and I was like, I park think you're gonna I'm gonna taste my own medicine here. I parked in the valet.
Sorry, sorry, I can't misheard that, so I said again.
I'm parked in the valet. I must really that must do really good. It's like that's better than sex, right, and I O, wow, that's the It's adjoining at the Sydney Airport is an adjoining to the to the departures terminal, so you don't have to leave the building. So I'm loaded up exactly. That's why do you want to fight? Because I was like, I'm high society. Now I'm better not far anyway, So I'm walking through the terminal and I'm still holding my fart because it's a busy terminal.
And then I get to checking only or you carry on, just check, so carry on carry so don't confuse me like that. Anyway, I went, I went, gave him the ticket and I'm like, come on, come on, come, on, bring his car, bring his car around, Bring for a walk, and by comes standing there they're talking to me. I'm like, like trying to I was in pain. I was like get into the car and I was like, okay, I'm safe space. I start to drive and like car parts
are the best. It was like like a proper yeah who moment where I felt like, oh, like a rainbow was coming out of my asshole. It was fucking delightful. Okay, it's still in the seat. I reckon, I'm sorry. Anyway, I pull up to the boomgate and I put the window down and I put the ticket in and nothing happens. And before I could do anything, the attendants come around to my open window. My god, and I could help
you with anything. Bam and she she she noticeably went ship man exactly exactly, and then she was like but she was like my eyes. And then the boomgate went up and I was like, sheepish the whole time. I didn't look at it, but no contact. Straight to the other reason I sawry go because of the review mirror. Sorry was the last time Ash ever went Valet ever again. I will never When.
You rock up, they're like you take it I'm not taking that guy.
You take it. You're that guy.
Do you want to feel better? So where I used to work, I lived in London for a while, must be nice. And in that agency was a marketing agency. It was a hot desk, hot desk, and so for anyone who doesn't not so you just picked the desk when you rocked.
On brick laying or something was it too. So you were just wherever.
There was a free seat, you just grab you grab it, and so very annoying, very because you just you know, you don't exactly. So anyway, I get in early. I grab a great seat next to the window, and so I'm sitting down there and in the corner. No one's around. I'm in pretty early, so I'm like and I was like, well that's a bit tangy tang, a bit of a tang.
And then someone came in started walking towards me, and I was like, and then they come down like my aisle where I'm sitting, and they're like, hey, man, I just I left something in the drawer yesterday, and so they had to reach down, like head down to get something out of the drawers.
A cloud of it caught on the desk too, like a bit of fog. What do you say before they go? Was like you better if heard. It's like, oh, thank you so much. Where I used to work at the timber yard, we boys are disgusting. First of all, I'm just gonna put that this out there completely. We used to call this thing called a dragon where he'd fart and somehow try and drag one of your employee fellow
employees into it. So what you would do, for example, is I would be writing down and I'll drop a little far and I'd be like, oh, Mick, have you seen this? And he would like walk over and he'd be like, I'm like just here, and he lean down and he called the dragon. And there was this old guy that he was the sort he was like real old school where he used to you never knew if
he went to the tour. I used to call him the cat because he would sneak off to the bathroom to do a pool and then no one did hear him or see him, so like he was like you know, your cat would just sneak into the kiddy litter and then all of a sudden they come back out happy because they've done a ship. So he's to call him the cat. We used to do this sort of time. But would you lick himself? Yeah? He did, actually yeah, and he
was like the number one target still works. They worked there for like thirty five years and.
We were all there and everyone would holding down so.
Naive and gullible get dragged into buying. We use a holding down and were called him the cat. Cat. It always happened. We talk about ship. We just can't help ourselves. We're so far just like we're human. We're human. But anyway, what are your top three farts?
I just want to give you a quick update. We've upgraded on the stick aboard we have I did see something up there.
We have upgraded. Would you like to show me you've got it on the heat on the heat.
You you were you were very vocal about wanting a whiteboard, which I absolutely acknowledged, a great shout from you. I chose to ignore it, actually, Laura ignored it. This is it's like a rip off chart, magnetic on the back, beautiful like that and the nice touch, just rip it off. It's kind of like a careful, be careful.
That is current although ash you can see although what what day are we at now Wednesday and we're recording some Tuesday. Sorry, so what days today is? Tuesday? Wednesday?
Sorry? Sorry, I apologize.
I can I apologize because I was going to say, yeah, okay, so hang on what I'm seeing here? Just for the listeners at home, I'm going to give my worth says reward chart at the top right, very good reading. Thinking that could be that could cause some trawle down the track. YOCHI. Yep, that's the reward I'm given. But Tuesday night, what's happened? Oh someone's missed it?
Yeah?
Who was Ala? Lola? That's not like Lola Lola. I have money on Lola being perfect. So there was a floor.
There was a floor with the system right, because we're saying you need to get.
A full chart. Also, that be a really good band name what's that floor with the system? Con and moving on.
So if they missed one night, they're like, well, fuck, I'm out for the week.
Oh why would I if I miss Tuesday? Why would I bother on Wednesday? Exactly right, Yeah, you need to come up with a way to earn it back. Oh contingency, I like it clean bedroom, So that gives them. That's the redeeming. Okay, so are you accumulating over the week? If you've got fives or six, you need five? So okay, right, the system's working.
Okay, for the record, just in case anyone is wondering, the system is great. It's flawless, it is perfect. I have had a bit of negativity.
Perfect, very subjective.
But yes, go okay, just this is like I don't want to attack her, go on on TikTok, she says, as a child and family therapist.
Oh fuck, oh god, did you read that first? I just didn't you. What would you know? I'll tell you what you know.
Here's a degree. I'd implement a reward that is immediate. So the morning of maybe she can pick a favorite snack from a snack box for the day. Having rewards that potentially five days away is not going to be exciting.
You fucking made the money, Jesus Christ. Well, I would say you're already doing that because kids love stickers. Sticker is the reward. So joke's on you, therapist.
So we make an ordeal an ordeal maybe the wrong word. If we made it a thing.
Why don't we do this? Why don't we come out with a two doting dad's reward chart like this one. Yeah, yeah, stickers at the back. I didn't realize you. So you went, you've got external stickers on a you've got third party stickers on a first party pat.
I had no idea. I just will let you know some idea.
Smoke coming off that keyboard, Damn girl, I will, I will.
Because some people were also Okay. The other bit of negativity that I got, people were like, what happens if the kids need to get out of bed and they're too afraid to get out of bed because they want to get the sticker?
Okay, I think that's stupid. I think it's a bit silly. I think when it comes they go into the toilet, they will get out of bed. I can tell your attitude about people's response on here, and we can fix this really easily. Go on, you change your word negativity to feedback. Okay, how does that work? So the feedback says, I already feel better about it.
I'm sure what your process is for them knowing when they can get out of bed. But we found a digital clock that changes color at a specific set time, usually green for go, and that is when they can get up. Has helped more than you could imagine.
How I like that. That's a good that's good feedback. I heard of something similar like that before. My kids. This morning, they've lately they've been waking up. April goes to the gym at five o'clock every morning. She's a workhorse. But the kids now are waking up because they hear her, mainly because I haven't WD forty the bathroom door and now it's squeaky and it keeps waking up. So it's
my fault apparently. And then this morning I could hear them and I could hear one of them going, we should go to daddy's bed, and I was like, standing right, man. And then now they're like, they're like, can we come in yet? I'm just like no, just now they've just bypassed my room. Then they're in the lounge room at five o'clock in the morning with the lights on, the lego flipping around the room. TV. Yeah, this TV. It's like I can't hear it. It's like Oscar's pouring rice
bubbles all over the fucking kitchen floor. It's a shimmuzzle. We need a reward chart.
Yeah, let me work on that ash whilst that marinates in my head.
Maroon had a way, big guy, what segment is it? It's paran you do mostly regression. You don't want so just tell me what your parent? Do you want my grandpa? You got the shirt?
You don't want advice from frangers, Go and tell me what is your parent. I didn't hear back the intro song until this morning. Jess producers had the pleasure of editing that one.
And she said, it's terrible. It's pretty bad. So it's perfect. It's pretty bad. I thought we were like right on time with the beat.
Oh no, no, Jesse, have you used different backing track?
Is it backing track? That's betters? That? Like what is going on there? She told me that she used AI to make it better. Oh god, anyway, anyway, can I go first? Really? And I want to have a little rant first. I'm just gonna preface this by saying that it's going to be a little story into a rand. I hope that's okay. This morning, Okay, this is fresh fresh gear this morning. Kids not listening night, mean to
get him out of the house. Anyway. We finally get out of the house, We get halfway to school, starts to rain, now I've told you my kids school has quite a long track to get down. I'm already late. Oscar's late for school. And first of all, I got a little bit of dad guilt here because I had Macy in the car too, is doing the double drop. And we get to the top and I get out of the car and it's not raining, but it's not sprinkling. It somewhere in between there, and I'm like to Oscar,
You're gonna have to walk down the rain. My guy, I'm so sorry. Gave himccuddle blah blah blah blah blah, and I immediately I was like, okay. I sat in the car, in the nice dry car. Oscar walked in the rain down the path and he looked back, gave me a wave, game another wave. Macey gave it a wave, and I just felt, really I felt fucking horrible. I felt because he had to walk down in the rain. I've just blown up at them at home. Yeah, yeah,
feeling like shit. And I was like, oh, fucking whatever. Anyway, I messaged April to say, hey, I just so you know, this is what happened. I feel really really bad, but maybe call and check on him. I didn't get a response, right, and then I'm here, get no respond and I get a screenshot from April that it's say and I'm going to read it to you from the school. Okay, and I want to round about this specifically. Okay, just read this, just read just read that out. Just keep in mind's
in kindergarten. Dear parents and carers. We are excited to announce that our kindergarten excursion to Nope, that's the wrong one.
Sorry, that couldn't be more perfect. Fuck, Sorry, that's funny.
Dear miss Wicks, your child Oscar Wicks was marked partially absent late on arrival.
What's the time on there? Read it out? Read it out?
Late to school at nine o three a m.
Get fucked.
As a part of department policy, we are now required to monitor and attain a reason for all partial attendance, including late arrivals. Surely there's a little buffer.
Right, Okay, this is my rant. Finally from the story to the rant.
Wait, what time did you wave him off?
Not like nine am? Okay, that's late. Yeah, but it's not the late thing I'm worried about. Yeah, stop lay thing. I'm going to rant about our fault Oscar's fault. Yes, okay, really, And then he did dawdle in the rain down there because I did say once don't run in the grain, you'll get more wet, and that was silly. And now he's dawdling in the rain, he gets really wet. Anyway, I think my rant is parents have got enough on their plate. Okay, it's hard enough to get two kids
out of the door on time. Get yourself out of the door. Buffer is needed. If it was like nine thirty ten o'clock, send me that email. But what I'm saying is is a bit rich. Give us some buffer. I've already felt guilty about that. I'm letting my kid walk down in the rain after yelling at him at home. And then I get that, and I'm like, this is unbe Give us a break. That is adding insult to injury.
Well said, and it's like there's parents out there and I'm thankfully, very lucky that what I do for a job is very flexible unless you're in a bad mood, and it's not very flexible. I'm sorry. What more, Jess, she's the problem. She's the real problem. And then you know, like it parents out there that have got to be at work at certain times, and not every there's not one morning in your house that goes to plan right
when it when's the last time? Never? Never, And that every other family would be the same where it's like there's something, there's always fucking something going on that you're gonna be late.
Give us a break, No, no, three, no five, sure, no, no, no.
I reckon nine fifteen, nine to fifteen on words, you could say nine ten, but through kindergarten. I think it's if there were like a year six kid. I'm like, I'm no better, I'm going. I'm going. When gets home, I'm like, where the fuck were you for fifteen minutes? You know, like I dropped you off. Now I'm getting the school call me, where were you? Just turn the lights on the l.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I had to go through that. I agree with you. I agree with you.
You've done a great job. It's the that's the faulty. I still I feel really guilty and I can't wait to get home and give them a cuddle. He'll probablysly, no, look I did. I felt really really really bad. I didn't need that. And yeah, there'd be other parents that are same because I wasn't the only one. And you know, like I said, people that love that, I wasn't the only one. Yeah, so long was later than me. Anyway, that's my rant, go ran away, Ran Away.
This one ash is from Maddie and she says, why the fuck do kids sleep late on school days and then get up super early on the weekends. I want to snooze, yes, Maddie, see it's more.
Like they're excited to get up. I think, yeah, because April's really guilty of this, I'm going to throw open on the bus. Please April goes. It's Friday, Okay, we have two fun filled family days Tomorrow and Sunday. First of all, don't over promise, because I don't know what I'm going to feel like tomorrow. I could be lazy, I don't know, you don't know. Don't don't promise the world and hand in Atlas, that's the first thing you do.
But then also, they're super excited now they don't want to go to bed on Friday night, and Friday night's are for wing wing, you know what I mean? Ash in April time, not really, But then it's like then they go up at five am. What are we doing today? Oh man, I lower the expectation, dude, And I think that's what's happening this morning. The time my kids got out of bed seven forty that's the fucking dream. No, what they get picked up, my sister takes them to school. Oh,
the driver takes them to school. My sister gets here at eight point fifteen. Yeah, so I'm like, Mother's like what And I'm like, as they're in ben, Ye're like shoving milk down there, throat.
Isn't either weekends those things that they're up. Yeah, five o'clock, give us, give us a break.
Anyway. Who else I got? Oh, this is from Selena, which is this is a very unique one. It won't be I suppose if you have twins, this will this will grind you get Someone might say boiler water. I don't know whatever, Selena, the twins aren't multiple in the government's eyes, so we get zilch help. What the fuck? So I think what she means there is in terms of having more kids, and you would get help from the government in certain aspects. I'm not sure what she's
trying to get. She's like, I just want to do car How hard is it? But like, because that they're born on the same day, they're considered as one.
I mean, we could do our research and look into this, but who has time.
For that whatever came from research?
Matthew surely, Like, if you're getting like support from the government, you'd get double because you've got twins. No, because I would say, how many kids have you got?
Yeah?
So, like for example, daycare, here we go daycare. We try and define this, not to find it. We're trying to describe this daycare. Okay, you get a subsidy. That's a big word for me. Subsidy right as certain wage brackets and stuff like that for each kid. But they might see the twins as one kid. Are they Siamese? I'm sorry if they are, That's what I'm wondering. I'm like, how is this? Well, what's the conversation Selena is having with the government? She like, how dare you not support
my Siamese twins? They're like, ma'am, you have one trial. They got two heads, god twice as many mouths. It's like, yeah, I think that's there's got to be some sort of justice for Selena. What do we want? We don't know. We're not quite sure anyway, Selena, really you also you have that on that. Please some more context right back to us. Yeah. I like how there's no context because of them. We can just assume we're getting zilt. Surely, surely,
like I have these kids for no goddamn reason. Very good, I don't care. This one's from Laura, and.
I don't want this to turn into us attacking the parents who are having their rants.
I want their rants to be heard. I don't want their rants to be questioned. So far, we're just mocking them, and I'm I'm on board with that.
But La Laura says PRAM parking spaces should be wider, not locking each other out, saying it sister, okay, okay, okay, just like Laura is.
Going to be like, stop yelling. I'm projecting.
But aren't we using the boot of the car for the PRAM? I think, oh, she wants sorry, she wants the wider because it's hard because you've got to get the kids in the.
Door open wide, okay, maneuver the child in. Yeah, I get it, I get okay, door open. Then you've got yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm on board. I'm on board. Your kid's doing ninja worrying before get, so I apologize.
I thought she wanted to put the pram in the side of the car.
But it's wow, when are you putting the PRAM in? I was like, what kind of rand is? There's like pram goes in the front seat. Guys, put the get in the boot. She's got it all wrong. Okayt least the questions, Yes, finally got what have we got here? What's the last fight, if, if you will, that you had with your beautiful wife Laura got a good quest big deep, because I know you guys never fight. Look, okay, the thing that I did wrong was a cheeky jab. I don't know, say it again, I said, because I
dig deep, because I know you guys really fight. I'm quite fresh language. What language is that? I don't know.
The last fight we had, last fight we had was yesterday fresh. It was very fresh, and this morning we only have small little TIFFs.
It's like it's just a bicker. I find it's a bigger I say, bickers keep the relationship interesting. They do is pushing Paul, pushing Paul, and you know sometimes I'm in the I'm in the wrong and and I'm pulling. It's it's a bit of push and Paul every time I'm in the wrong.
Okay, well, so what I did wrong? Ash Sometimes in my head I know I have to do something and I just forget.
That's totally fair. I don't see a problem with that. So it reminds me.
Actually, so my sister speaking about pickup drop offs, very lucky in that we have kids that go to the same school, same scenario with the daycare. We have one child each that goes to the same daycare, so we share the pickup drop off.
Very good. That is convenience. It's convenient with the capital cdly convenient. Thank you.
And my sister said, hey, I'm running early. I can pick up the kids running early.
Is that an expression? Fuck?
You're throwing me anyway, carry on and on that particular afternoon, Laura.
Was picking up the kids. Okay with you.
I was already in conversation with my sister. She said, I can get the kids. I said, great, get the kids. And I should have messaged Laura and said, don't worry about getting the kids.
My sister's going to get them. I forgot because I was at the gym. And so Laura raises the daycare as she calls me. She's like, where the fucking kids? And also like the gym's.
Like oh yeah, and I'm like, oh, Kate's picked them up, and she's like where are you And I'm like, I'm at.
The gym.
And so Laura's raised from work. That's a bad, bad mistake.
And I should have said I should have said my bad, I'm sorry.
You didn't you doubled down. But I was like, anyway, you need to swallow the pride. I get it. I'm the same I always go. I always think how can I wheeze on my way out of this? But that's not my fault.
But when it is good, defense is a strong offense, and I think, like communication is key.
Shut up, shut up. Do ask me what did you an April find about? I don't believe you guys have a fight, thank you. We don't often same thing like bickers never nothing, no argie bargie. Yeah, we did have a fight over we were going to see I'm actually going
to blame Becky Lucas on this. We were going to see Becky Lucas and before so, April's mum was coming over to watch the kids because it was on quite early, which is lovely from home early, and we had the discussion about driving because it's Sunday nights at night out people. Who's going to drive, who's going to drink? Yeah, who's going to drive, who's gonna drink, who's going to have more drinks, who's going to have less? And I said, hey, I'm happy to spot us an uber there and back
so we both can enjoy the night together. And April said no, she said, I don't feel like drinking at all. I want to come. I'll enjoy myself, but I want I need to get up early for Jim tomorrow morning, because that's responsible. Responsible. And she was like, I'll drive back, so I'll write there, I'll drive back. And usually I'm fine with that and I do majority of the driving. I'll do that all the time anyway. But I just
wasn't feeling it. I was like, look, I was like, I want to have a couple of drinks this afternoon, go in a good mood, come home. And she was like, okay, well I can just drop that's fine, and I was like sweet. Uh. And then a couple of hours go past, I've had a couple of beverages, cleaning up the house, making sure the kids are good, just doing stuff around the house that I do. And then I cracked a can and we're April's mum was in the house too,
so she was ready there. I cracked a can and April comes out and she was like, I just heard you crack a can. Ye, how are we going to get there? And I said, wh whoa whoa, whoa, whoa whoa you said, and I took your word that you're going to drive, and she was like, I said it was sarcasm, and I was like, whoa, whoa, No, you
did it. It's pretty selfish from you though, to have a couple of drinks pre gig, so she has to do both legs of the dry Yeah, by offer rich, Wow, that's app I offered to pay for us to go there and back because I was like, I would much rather do that. We can have dinner. We've got time, we've got to sit, let's have dinner. Let's do this. But that got poop pooed, It got shoved in the face.
She needs to go to the gym first. Some ways around, yeah, And it was like it became that thing where she said one thing but meant another thing apparently, and I just I just think it's pretty pretty obnoxious. During the day. It wasn't during the day. It was like an hour.
I'm sure the jobs that you were doing would have like the quality would have deteriorated.
No, No, it was like this. April got that whole hour or two to get ready because she needs that, and I cleaned the house with a couple of actually mid strength beers if I'm honest. Next question, we have god autro music. I gave solutions. I can't end it there. I gave solutions.
Next question, Next question you're asking me, I'm asking you asking your show.
Why don't you playing out in the front door? How do you do that? Let's go?
What are three things that you swore you would never do as a parent, but now you do it a podcast?
And that's all we have time for? Kim Easy, It's funny, isn't it a good time over here? I love you? I love you? Sorry? Three things go? Number three? I would say number three screen time. I would always thought that I'm not going to need that, and I think there's a lot of people out there that would be in that list. Oh yeah, yeah. Screen time is like a classic delusion. It is a beautiful thing. Like there
is nothing that will shut the child up quicker. It's like giving them like a like a little cyanide pill. Well said, like, it're just it is crazy.
They could be having to crack the worst meltdown ever and you just like, I just need twenty minutes of silence and put TV on, give them the iPad.
Oh it's it's three. It is like crack, but not that of that cheap stuff. It's like good c good crack. It's the top level crack.
It's like well made, synthetic cra.
What's your number three?
Okay, number three would be sharing a bed co sleeping.
Oh.
I remember speaking to the parents and being like.
I will never know. It's just easy, you know.
It's just like a brothel in that room. People are coming and going.
You want to choice the words there, my friend, I'm getting tired. It's end of the podcast.
But now I almost I enjoy it. Well obviously with the rewards chart.
At certain points, I think you enjoy it. Now.
I'm a deep sleeper, so I could literally I've had like Marley laying on my face.
Oh god, oh my goodness, I've.
Had I've had Marley like laying across like her backs across my face.
Yeah, I know you mean, I'm I'm a light sleeper, so it infuriates me. But I do love the morning cuddle. That's about it. Guilty, guilty. My next one was like baby talk and you're a king for that. Guilty as well. Oh yeah, it just rolls off. Yeah. Yeah, when you've got girls, especially, it's so easy. And what you're doing there he is. Yeah, that's my number two. You boo boo. It's the biggest well, snacky wacky. Why do I have
an erection? It's a bit. It's an ick. I think like in public, oh yeah, but at home, I think it's fair game. Yeah, there's nothing. It's better. It's you know what the best is when you're in public and then you're like your mate. So when I fucking down the fucking popular day and I was like, what's up, what's up? What's up? Like yourself anyway? One fifties on the slippers and anyway. So then I fucking put twenty bucks on the nose, I was like, what a seamless
gear change? Yeah, number two. I this might sound weird, but I remember saying to myself, I'll never give my child a bottle like breast milk only. Ah, yeah, Laura feed that child, free range, breastfed child. I was always like, why would anyone decide to use the formula for the child? That's disgusting, Like breast is best. And then Laura just
stopped making breast milk. I was like, what straight up already look at Yeah, a few months in it was just like that things run dry, and it's like, yeah, I think that's the naivety or like that not the naive that's the you just don't know what you don't know, especially as a man. We put not a whole lot of like study into what is possible and what then the different you know, like for example, like Oscar had a dairy intolerance, so it's like we could have easily
gone to a dairy free formula. Like there's all these different variations that can happen because we're all different. My number one go on I always and this is absolute delusion to the full and the highest regard hit me. I said that I would never yell at my kids. That's my now. I yelled at It's like a sport. It's like I'm hunting humans in my eyes.
I remember my sister and not to call her out, but I was like, gosh, she just.
Yelled at them non stop. It's sub human the way she treats her children. I just sounded exactly like human. That's my exercise routine now, just yelling it gets my blood, my pulses out. I'm shredding at the same time a buster when the kids are at Dacre in school because I miss it and it is good to laugh.
If you've laughed at this episode, please subscribe or we've triggered you either one. Yeah, if you're currently no, come in Christmas Stars.
Send it to a friend. It's important. Send it to a friend, send it to a delusional friend, and things that they're not going to yell at their kids, and I think, oh yeah, it does feel good though what yelling? Oh yeah, right yeah, and then ashback. Can they find us on social media? To earning dads on Instagram and the Facebook and the TikTok and I don't mean the glob moveing on amusing me out of here, you see guys.
Hey, Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestright Islander peoples today