#141 WE HAVE BIG NEWS

You've just done something.

I've done something which I was going to bring this up in private, but then I thought we are running late, need to record this episode.

Of course, what better time than now. There's no better time. You've pissed on the floor. I didn't. You did? I definitely did not. Yes, you're a floor piss up. I did not. I have great control. You went to the toilet. How do you know? I don't sit.

I don't know how you do it, but you managed to get w wiz on the floor.

I didn't.

I stand by one of us, producer Jess, went to the bathroom, came out and said him over there has pissed on the floor.

Dare did not. I did not. I see what I WII must have had a boner or something.

I don't know what you're doing in that guilty Welcome.

Back to two my own webs. I'm trying to do the intro.

Bro.

Sorry, you're not doing this, so I didn't.

They Welcome back to two Doting Dads. I am Addie Jay and this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable. And we don't give advice ever at all.

Except don't piss on the floor at Maddy's house, because you'll find out.

It's just I feel like most people would have a decent amount of respect to not piss on someone else's property.

Got to get back at you somehow. I don't want to.

I honestly didn't know I did that.

That's right.

We are on holidays as a family. We've gone down to the house and the house was looking great. You know, Tom, I builder, who is just amazing. Kids, there's little fingerprints fucking everywhere, sticky, so sticky.

Bro, you give them something that's not even sticky, and all of a sudden they've got fucking sticky.

It's what are they doing? I think, what are they doing? Science?

And I'm like, don't touch that, put that down, putting their feet up on the wall, like just feet, and also like coloring in. Just everything they do is just making a mess. And I get it. They're young and they're living their lives, living their best lives.

If a child draws on a wall in your house, what's the course of action in terms of discipline.

I will beat them to a pulp. I would expect nothing less.

That is the fear that's been inflicted on them I'm yet to do it, Thank heavens for anyone wondering I did. Not my children, not yet. But there's a lot of yelling right now. As far as the holidays go, it's been it's been like a yellow minute.

We offer talk about school holidays and how or just holidays with your family in general, and it's like it's meant to be like really fun, but it just ends up being fucking nightmarees it's a nightmare.

I mean Marley, she didn't realize she thought holidays, we're just weekends. Like she didn't realize that.

Oh bless.

I was like, you're on holidays, and she's like, sweet weekends. And then on Monday she was like, uh, school and I was like, no, you're on holidays. She's never had like she's always been a daycare, so she's never had holidays.

Never had an Oscar thinks the word yesterday means anytime any day that happened prior.

I love that.

So he'll be like, we'll go somewhere that we were at like a year ago. He'll be like, we were here yesterday. I was like, what are you talking about. I'm trying to live with this anxiety that you know.

Obviously house. Is it going to get lived in? Right?

It's not museums, I know, but I just everything looks nicer without kids in it.

Off for sure, Like a brand new car and you put a kid in it. Oh, they just ruin everything. It's like they're carrying a constant bag of rubbish with them.

It's like, oh, come in the.

Car, don't let me just get my bag of rubbish.

It's the worst. So, you know, I'm so glad.

I agonized of every nook and cranny of that house just to let my kids destroy it.

The moment they moved in, They're like, is this eggshell white? Not anymore? And then I come back booker white?

What's the come back here? And you're pissing on the fucking toilet floor seat. Jesus, can't you know?

Just everywhere I turned, there's no concrete evidence that it was me. Producer Jazz has photos. She's untrustworthy. You're right, you're right, just photo Are you taking photos of my piss? She just threw me a shaker. That means yes, I'm into it. That's cool, very good, very good.

I saw a guy on the drive down here by the way up here. He was in the back of the car and had his head out the window like a dog on the highway, just like head out, like mouth open.

Maybe he ate something really spicy. I was like, I've never seen that before.

Maybe he's fueled by wind, very gassy, very it would be so.

Very good. Do you know what I saw?

Speaking about something pit seat speaking about seeing things while driving. I don't know if I've ever told you is one time I was driving out of my grandmother's house, who lives in Western Sydney.

And we know Western Sydney.

No offense, chess, it's pretty dicey, you know.

No, Actually I love Western Sydney.

Whoa, heyjeuz I didn't say I didn't like that.

I'd love to know what portion of our listener is from Western Sydney. If you are listening and you do reside in the West of Sydney, please let us know.

Well, this might be you. If you're listening listening in the car.

Perhaps I was at the lights on the way out west and I look over to someone in their car and they were smoking an ice pipe.

What suburb is this? Gilford Classic Guildford.

Yeah, So if you are listening, enjoy that math The fhetamine.

Yeah's meth and ice the same thing. Yeah, it is. Yep, it is great, great spoke, spoken like a true addict. Anyway, I look over and he's blazing up, just couldn't wait to get home. I don't know. Maybe he just likes to live life on the edge, or maybe it's addicted.

It's a certain like there's a line, isn't it when you're a meth head, but you do it in private, But when you're a meth head you do it in public. You're like you've crossed the line.

That myth must have been Moorish? You getting back for seconds? Okay, what do I go for? What do I go for? Hey? Speaking of substances? Good segue, seg, thank you.

As you know, obviously goes to primary school much like Marley and primary schools schools in general, they have a lot of outside of school our activities, like he just went off the top of my head, like pizza and puzzle night, okay, which is usually like Father's Day.

Right, and I know that puzzle.

Yeah, it's like it's like after hours, right, so it's like four o'clock sounds sexual pizza and penises, pizza, pizza and Dad's penis yeah, okay.

Let me get back on track.

Outside of school now, a lot of these things are alcohol free zones, as you can imagine, because what.

What no, just imagining you rocking up? Did Pizza and Puzzle night with the case of beer?

Yeah? I thought it was pizza puzzle and case of pizza puzzle And no, no, no, very funny. I just know. Sorry, I know thought you You're like you sound like annoyed and surprised. I tried to take my meth pipe with me again.

You know they're but they also do events that are like parents only, like for fundraiser.

I'm not going to get through these fucking hell only ones. Let me come to those.

On three keys and anyway, so the adults only nine.

Yeah, fucking hell god. Anyway, we went to what they call a mingle. This story sounds terrible.

This sounds like a horrible Sorry what happens the adult only mingles?

No, this was this was the kids. This was a there were kids. There were kids on this mingles. Actually bring one kid.

Anyway, all these events are alcohol free, and it begs the question why, okay, outside of school hours this parent.

Mingle was for I can't get I can't look at you. I look at the floor, Look at the floor. I questioned why there's no alcohol?

And I found out that there used to be alcohol at these after school events, like the fundraising shit, the parents' nights or whatever there used to be until trivia night last year. Apparently all the parents got really lit and they ended up finding alcohol like bottles around the school.

What is wrong with people? I think it's really funny. What's wrong with people? Come on, this is for the kids. Well they ruined it for all of us. Anyway, we went to the mingle.

How drunk were they getting? Apparently they were lit like list. It was a fundraising trivia end of years.

And you talk about Western Sydney being bad, the northern beaches of Sydney a bunch of his heads.

Yeah yeah, but nothing else to do sink piers at schools, at the school mingles, at the school mingle. So we went to the KINDI Mingle, which was not run by the school all right, it's run by some volunteers and whatever. And it was like the P and C whatever it might be.

And I was like, it would be Friday, whatever it may be. It's the peens. It's a Friday afternoon it's the p and C. Okay, the event was, Ah, why are you going to argue me on the pens? I don't care about the p and C. I've never heard of them. Well, the school has a P and C. The P and C.

Organized a KINDI parent mingle, so you meet the other parents because obviously now we've been grouped into classes and now I'm forced to be friends with people that don't want to be friends with. Also, all the parents out there that go to my kids school, I love you. I have some friends that we all their kids go to this to the same school, and I thought, I don't want to go to an alcohol for event on

Don't you just look like a fucking weird like a weirdo sniffing nappies. I don't sniff my beers, bro, I chuggle them. Are you hiding a beer in a nappy? Yeah? Like that looks weird. Like you're better off just going to the toilet.

That's way creepy because the people think I'm doing some illicit drugs in there.

Don't look any better walking around with like four nappies in your hand. A nappy guy, how do you assume I only had four? No one would be able to suspect it.

What do we got?

That is one of the dumbest things I have ever seen.

Well, the jokes on you because I got away with it. When we were in the cool corner, people were coming over again, what's going on over here? I'm like, nappy beer can?

I make a suggestion.

You're better off getting a coke can and getting a tolley and pouring a tolly into the coke can.

Too much work. You just look weird that you're holding a dirty nappy. That's funny. That's part of the joke. But like, don't question me.

It works. Sorry, it worked up until we were leaving and I had to empty the bag full of beer cans into the recycling being, which is full of like, so, what do you do drink can?

What do you do with the nappies? Oh, they're in there too. I'm taking a stand. April is a lucky lady.

If they're going to force me to be friends with people, then I'm going to be drinking. Are your events not alcohol free or do you go to them?

We haven't been to I don't know. Wow, we haven't had any. Actually we had one wrap up party, not wrap up party, rap up. We had one like welcome party for the kindie okay, after hours on a Friday, and it was kids too. Kids went.

I was down the coast so I wasn't there. Do you know if it was our colfer it I don't know.

I will ask for you.

I think if you do it look as a school okay, I get it inside school hours. No not rocking up to a midday assembly, and least anyone someone would be if you have But like I think, if you're okay, hey Friday afternoon, after school hours.

You should have a tipple. You should be allowed to have a tipple. I'm not saying get like hammered. I had like eight beers, but that's not the point. That's I can. I can handle it. And then a bit of math. But I think if you.

Have to say you're joking, because people might oh shit, yeah, sorry, might not know that you're not being I'm not a math head yet, but I think that they should be.

You should be able to have a tipple. Yeah, I agree with that. Okay, but well done. Well done for your ingenuity. I thought that was groundbreaking.

You are.

You're a very magiv. I'm the magiver of beer drinking. Oh yeah, next time I'll come up with something a little bit more. I'll just strap it to a child. I'll be like, let me have a sip. Hey, you did something before I pisced on the floor. I get it. No, not that one. You found something that you shouldn't have. It's a photo of ultrasound because we're having a baby.

Whoa, But I kind of already knew who. I just tell how I tried to pour your lovely wife, Laura. Congratulations.

By the way, I'm holding photo of a young fetus, a beautiful Johnson fetus. Is it a boy or a girl? We don't know. I didn't shock right now.

I know I tried to pour Laura a drink when we when you return from the jungle, and that drink was denied, and I had a suspicion. I had suspicions. I also haven't seen Laura in a while. Also, yeah, that's probably about it. And I know there's been talk about it, and I just knew. Also, someone might have spilled the beans.

Who who? I'm not telling me I know, because I will get in trouble. Just tell me I forced it out of someone. Who give me some ellie? Yeah? Did you have her against the wall? Literally that war?

I have her against that wall right there? Because I said to Laura, I was like, hey, I brought some margaritas the can and it's look one can, it's like two and a half standard drinks. Like I'm trying to get lit here. Yeah, And I was like, do you want to go halves? And she was like yeah, yeah, yeah, very tentative. And I was and I look over your mum and she was like.

I was like, okay, she's signaling like, don't do that. She's so Because she was so, I was like, do you know what I did? After that?

I looked at her and I was like, come here, and she was like she knew a white straightaway that I was going to crack this safe immediately.

And I was like, you better tell me right what's gone? What did she say? She's a terrible liar And she was like, no, I can't.

I can't tell me. That's exactly what she sounds like. I could never I could never tell you and I was like, what are we going to do. Is I'm going to ask you a question, You're going to nod your head. And I was like, is Laura pregnant?

And she was like yeah. I was wondering where she got those bruises from. Sorry about that. And then I was like I was like, fucking okay, all right, I know it and I know it now. And she was like, oh, don't tell them.

I told you they beat me, so congratulations. I already knew, but congratulations, this is going to ruin us financially.

So we got give me a look at this baby.

When are we?

Okay? Hang on November? No, sooner October October? Baby, I was close. It's late October there, right, No, what it's in.

Mid We were trying before I went into the jungle, just in case you didn't come back. The plan was we said this year twenty twenty five, if we are going to have a third, this will be the year that it happens. Because I'm conscious that Marley and Lola really close together. They're about eighteen months Nowlas just turned four, and I was like, if it doesn't happen this year, you know, it's a big gap. It's a big gap.

Also, it's like accidental gap, you know. We were like, oh, it must have been an Actually it's like it's.

A bit of double edged sword in that great because Marley, I guess, the older she comes, the older she turns, the more capable she is as a second third parent the main parent, which is great. But then we're like, we don't want you with that third child to still be friends with Marley and Lola.

And the third child always gets forgotten about it.

Like they do, don't they You're the thing, Oh yeah, like you know exactly how how I turned out. But we said we're going to try, and we're kind of even said, we're like, if it doesn't happen before the jungle, like by the time I come back, it's going to be February, you know. And they're like, you know, for those who don't know, it takes nine months for a baby to grow in a woman's body. Then we're like, oh, that's pushing in the two thousand and twenty six.

Yeah, and we're kind of like, I have a summer baby, like immediate, like you know, no October, it's still it's close.

But so and I said to Laura, if I make it to the end of the jungle, and I was like, fucking tell me, like if if you get if you'll find out you're pregnant whilst I'm away when you come on the show, Like tell me, right. So then obviously she didn't tell me, and then I kind of didn't.

And I was like, yeah, do you know what you know?

I was like, you're probably right, Like what were we thinking? Trying to have a third Man's pretty crazy? And then and then there's a video. I'm assuming by the time this comes out, this video will be posted. But Laura then she goes, oh, someone gave me a scratchy and you scratch it. And I was like, oh, a little

I was like, this is.

I was like, and I was.

It was one of those hard ones where I was trying to figure it out, like it was like match four of these icons, and if you get two of this one, it means you get that one on the first right, which underneath that one there.

Is that how you get pregnant. Do the scratchy. So I'm scratching and I'm like, this is shit, throw it out and then she's like, keep on scratching, and then you scratch it.

It was like fifteen icons and then then like a little tiny bottom right one it said you're having a baby, and I was like, where's the money? And then I was like I was very confused, and also I was in the mindset of like do we want to have a third?

Yeah? You were like talking yourself out of it.

We were straddling both sides of the party. Nice I was now I'm got visuals.

One hand.

We were like, it'll be amazing to have three kids. You know, I grew up was one of five. Imagine when we're older having a house full of three children and their partner's beautiful. But then on the other hand, I'm like, we're kind of like out of the trenches.

Now, yeah, you like you're talking now. I don't want to sound you're talking now. Back to bassin there.

Back to we don't we don't use nappies in the house anymore. We don't use the pram anymore.

Yeah, my pram is covered in cobwebs. I looked at it the other day and it was looking back at me like shut up, yeah, where now. I spoke to someone who has a newborn, and I was like, what's that like?

It sucks. It's I've forgotten. I've forgotten all those years of what it's what it's like having a third kid. I knew you would. I knew it was going to happen. I just did. I thought maybe next year.

I also when when I found out in that moment when we had the scratchyet, I think we were at what we were maybe like twelve weeks, eleven weeks, so we have it. We didn't even have like the big tests. So then I also was conscious of like, you know, I don't want to it's very early days. I don't want to celebrate it and be like, we're having a kid because we've our cycle. When I say hours, Laura's we've had first child was a miscarriage. Then Laura was

How many weeks are we now? So we are currently because I'm equally as involved in this together, Laura is currently I've lost count. She's fourteen or fifteen weeks. Wow.

So yeah, So we went and had went, had the few tests done, but there's a lot of I thought there was just one test at twelve weeks.

I think just opt in for a few different there's a few different ones, and I was kind of waiting for the bad news, like for something to go wrong, and I was like excited at the moment, but then I was like, you know, until where I don't know, I guess like you're holding the baby in your hand, Yeah, exactly exactly.

So then I was every test I was kind of waiting and they're you know, taking all the measurements and like the heartbeat and everything else, just waiting for something to go wrong.

It was very weird.

I don't know if you recall ash when you go in excuse my ignorance here ultrasound. Oh I got sea sick. That's right, you passed out. But there was a student doctor who was in the room. He was very good looking, very good looking, and like the ultrasound. It's not that invasive, you know, if anyone's well, but you have one where they like, you know, you pull your pants down quite a bit and your belly is exposed and they scan it.

Yeah, you were cocked. My guy, a good looking doctor inserted something into your wife.

They're good looking doctor did the optra sound over the belly, and then they were like, we'll be back in one second. And then Laura was like, I wonder if he's going to do like the next part, which is like the banana rocket, And I was like, hope.

So I'm joking popcorn.

Yeah, I was.

Let me get the tissues out, beautiful.

He didn't come back. He didn't come back. We had the lovely older doctor female do that part.

Laura was like, thank god it wasn't him. He was gorgeous, gorgeous young doctor. Anyway.

Here, So we're still where we're fifteen weeks. We've had all, like all the major tests done. Everything's looking good and everything's tracking nicely.

And with the gender, you're not going to tell anyone of this. The big question was big question was Marley and Lola.

We found out at birth the sex, and I was like, this is great, like it's lovely. But first child, I was happy with whatever. Second child, I thought everyone else thought that Lola was going to be a boy, so I just had it in my mind that it was going to be a boy. So there was just a split second. But like gender surprise where you're like, oh, I wasn't expecting that. It's like you're thinking you're going to get a chocolate cake and you got a sponge. A sponge is still great. I'll eat a sponge, no

I am, And now I'm just hungry.

And so I just said to Laura, like, I want to go into birth because it's all about me.

I'd like to know. And I think childbirth is beautiful.

Enough of the moment that you don't need it to be at another like added level of surprise. But Laura was like, how amazing. You don't get many surprises in life for what reason?

Like we get what's the yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the right?

And I was like, well, let's let's pad this out. We can have a surprise now, and then childbirth is still great. It's not like you're not going to enjoy childbirth because you know the sex of your child.

You're still going to enjoy it. It's going to be the sexy child is going to be the sexuy child for the rest of his life. Yeah.

So well, so I was like, let's find out prior so a bit of debating, I won nice because you know this is we are not going for a fourth Yeah, I think we're.

You know, Laura's forty, she's thirty nine, she's young and fertile. She's not, well, she's a geriatric.

She's not, she's medically it's just thirty nine medically, yeah, yeah, old of those medically medical medically is like we're saying she's geriatric in afford it.

It's like imob.

Technically called to the B and I scale how old are these thinks? They're not wrong, that's mean, but geriatric at forty?

What for pregnancy? For pregnant? I was going to say, when was this scientific record kept from the forties.

It's just when it comes to pregnancy, it's very offensive. That is offensive. I'm offended for her. And she's thirty nine?

Is she she's thirty nine?

Yeah, which is almost forty. Sorry, what is the new thirty? Anyway, congratulations, that's amazing, Thank you very much. Like I said, I knew it was coming. I didn't know it was coming this early, and I also was waiting for you to tell me because I knew. And then also I found that over there and I walked in and I said, do you have something to tell me? And you gave me this look like like no, and I was like,

And so I didn't tell you sooner, No that I wanted to surprise you on the pot, but fucking that was harder than I thought, because you are a detective I am.

Do you know I lived next door to a good friend of mine a while ago across the hall, and I also picked twice when she was pregnant without them before they told us i'd have a gift.

Jess is not pregnant gift. That's a gift. Point someone out. This might sound weird, but I don't have a kink with pregnant women. Oh yeah, you don't.

But I find Laura at the moment, she's popping a lot more than the previous pregnancies.

Wait normally works. She also doesn't answer my calls.

She's been avoiding your bellies popped like I think with Marley, she didn't pop right until the final trimester. Whereas now that belly's out and Laura's like, oh, I just feel so fat. I hate it, And I'm like, damn girl, I'm like, whoh ring that belly?

I love it.

Get the vitamin E cream out and rather it's just like, because you know it helps the trench marks right.

Get in there, man, deep in there, you know, like all over, just the belly, just a belly. Feet. Work on the feet. Nah, that Laura has dry feet. I'm not a foot guy, if I'm honest. The hands of the legs.

Okay, well, I'm gonna I look forward to lubing Laura luber ride with a vitamin E cream or some baby oil, slipping slider.

I find a horse what what do you mean?

Gymnastics and there's that thing they get get all handsy and they they fling their legs around.

That's a I'm going to ride Laura like a pommel horse. You're ready, She's going to be the apparatus. I hope she's ready.

She would be ready.

There is no other moment when I find Laura more attractive than when she's pregnant.

You've got to kink my guy. I mean, get my list of pregnant women up here. I've got a folder.

I just I don't know, it's beautiful. Keep my hands off that. I can't wait for my for you page to just be pregnant. Yeah, we're also. I haven't celebrated it.

Really. I have moments where I'm like, oh, wow, you know, what's it gonna try to envision having a newborn baby in the house and I'm trying to imagine it at the same time. Every time I start to imagine it, I put the handbreak up because I'm like, I know, I don't wanna.

Is it because of you put your handbreak up because you don't want to celebrate in case something happened.

Is that what I'm picking up?

Yeah, because we've been down that road a number of times, and especially like the the first time Laura was pregnant, which is obviously each pregnancy is special, but the very first time, Like, there is no greater change in your life as an adult from when you go from no kids to having kids, and so that first one is the biggest moment of all, I think, And that first one is you know, you, that's when I don't know what you were like, but I was, you know, I

Yeah, and I haven't thankfully I haven't had to experience that. But also I think like what we do on this pot is we do practice. We do preach a little bit is like don't don't go through all that stuff alone, like don't feel that you can't celebrate your wins.

Yeah, And I think I think as as we get closer, because in my mind, we're still like at the beginning of still of the of the pregnancy, and even like when Laura was pregnant with Mali and pregnant with Lola, there was there was lots of times throughout where we were super anxious because we're just waiting for something to go wrong, and you have little moments where baby doesn't move that much, and you might have one or two day period where previously baby was really active and now

It's just, unfortunately, just part of life.

It wasn't meant to be just happened, and so you just you just got to be this passenger on the journey and just hope and pray that you know, it's going to turn out all right.

Fortunately I haven't had to experience that feeling of a miscarriage, but when it does happen, what sort of feelings come to the surface.

I think the first time it happened, we were overseas and Laura experienced a little bit of bleeding, and that bleeding progress, it got a little bit heavier, and I remember her saying to me, like, oh, like, there's a lot of blood here, and you know, you instantly you realize it's not a good sign, and there's not a whole lot you can do, Like you just have to like a you're kind of hoping that the bleeding stops, and then you go to the doctors, you get scans done,

Intuition was that this is really not good and do they give you a reason? There's no reason.

So we found out we had scans done, there was no longer a heartbeat, so we knew that we had lost the baby. And there's not the hardest thing is there's not like a specific reason.

You know.

It's not like they say, because you did X, we lost the baby, you know, which almost would be easier to.

Stomach because you know what to do not to do next time. Yeah, that's it exactly if it was that, But it's not because you know, I remember for Laura, her biggest thought was why I've done something to make this pregnancy when she hasn't, not at all.

Yeah, And like that, the biggest bit of communication was to Laura that this is not your fault, Like you haven't caused this. You know, there's nothing wrong with you because obviously you're carrying the baby. And she's like, well, maybe I'm not a good carrier. Yeah, maybe there's something wrong with my body that means that I'm not going to be able to carry a baby. And like Laura was so worried that it was something that she had done her there's something that was wrong with her.

So you're trying to like trying to.

Communicate and reassure her that like she hasn't done anything wrong here. The best way that I could digest the situation is that you kind of think like it was always going to happen this way, and they they can test for level of hormones and sometimes like the more hormones you have is a good sign.

But my mum told me this.

She just said that sometimes the body just has to do a test run and there's no like medical backing for this. I think it was just an easy way of my body. It was an easy way for me to kind of see the situation from the point of view that it was just body making sure that everything was where it needed to be to prepare for the one that was going to be the one and so but yeah, and afterwards, you kind of think, from my perspective, you know, I was obviously upset because that baby that

But then as well, for law.

She's dealing with the emotional distress of a miscarriage, but in the physical side as well, you know, it's really uncomfortable.

You know.

It's I'm lucky that for a guy, you know, I could go for a run and try and get my mind off things, whereas doorphins and totally do something to distract myself. But for a woman, you know, they're dealing with it like every second of the day. Like physically it hurts as well. So it's it's there's a constant reminder of what they're experiencing, so they don't have the ability to switch off from it.

For your first one, what point how far along?

I think we're about twelve weeks, Okay, so it can happen and figure my ignorance again, it can happen in different circums a different times, right.

Yeah, it's obviously a higher risk of miscarriage earlier on. Yeah, and so there's kind of that reassurance in my mind, like now I'm like, okay, Well, every every week that we don't have any issue is a week that we're kind of like, not the clear, but we're kind of itching towards being in a place where we don't have to worry every day. About it and as hard as well, because when you're in the first twelve weeks, we've been conditioned not to tell people.

Yeah, for sure.

And I remember mates who would be like eight weeks pregnant and they would tell people that. I'd be like, what are you doing, Like you can't you shouldn't be telling people, Whereas I actually think now it's really stupid. I think whoever said you shouldn't tell anyone before twelve we look back at that, you're like, tell everyone.

Because it's a thing as well, Like when I was saying, like I was trying to find the words where it's like, yeah, okay, you're not going to be celebrating because you've got this fear still, which it's completely normal. But then also it's like, why will suffer alone with it totally because you're already I mean, for Laura in the first instance that happened, You've got the physical side of it. You mentioned the mental side of it, and also the self worth side

It's hard because you know, if someone is in the early stages of pregnancy, unless you'r ash Wicks where you're very dialed into being able to guess it, no one's going to know. And so it's it's a really heavy topic to bring up with someone who doesn't know what

Like, it's it's such a big it's a big, heavy subject, heavy.

Subject, you know, and obviously there's a few people who were that close to you where you can bring it up. Like obviously my family, they like we could talk about it, but because we didn't tell anyone that we would trying, We didn't tell anyone that Laura was pregnant when we lost the baby. Yeah, we were just it was just

One and two almost. It's wild. It's wild how big. And before you have kids, you have no idea about that stat whatsoever.

Before you fall pregnant, you have no idea about the stats, the complications, the variations, the variables, everything involved until you're actually going through it. But like, looking back, do you think that if you after it happened the first time, do you think if that you didn't internalize it so much then and you were more vocal with it about closer to you, do you think it would have helped you with your worries now? Oh?

No, I don't think it would have helped my worry Now. I think I think if we did, like Heaven forbid, touch, would we lose this baby? I know that I would tell a lot more people. I would be so much more vocal with it and open with it and not feel like I was being such a burden in bringing it up with other people in conversation.

Yeah, and do you think if you knew that back then you would have been able to process about it? Oh?

Yeah, It's like, I'm very fortunate that I haven't had to deal with a huge amount of trauma in my life, and that is probably one of the ones that was like top of the list. The moments where you talk about it makes it so much easier to make sense of the whole situation. You know, It's it can be a dangerous thing just having these internalized thoughts that never get the chance to have a voice out in the open.

It needs the oxygen one hundred percent, right, because, like we're talking, so many people are going through the same thing but doing it in silence. And then think of how all those people that go through it don't try again because they're too scared or haven't had a conversation with someone like you who's tried again and again and it's happened again, and then you're willing to go through that again for the ultimate reward, which is parenthood.

Yeah.

And I think the message to anyone who has experienced a miscarriage is that it's not your fault and unfortunately, for whatever reason, it just wasn't meant to be. So, I mean, I will as time progresses, I will start to celebrate it more.

I hope so. And there's a part of me that goes, am I an idiot for having a third child? Are we like the moment? Yes?

And no.

The moment we've just come to a point where we finally kind of got control to a certain degree with parenting. We feel like we're getting the upper hand.

The kids understand what you're saying.

Yes, yes, they might not do what you've said that you're at a stage now where both girls are at an age where they understand if you did raise your voice enough, you could get.

Some law and order.

You know.

I can't begin to tell you how much easier parenting is when you can communicate with your child and they can say I'm hungry, i'm cold, I have a saw a tummy, I have a headache.

I want a glass of water. That is an amazing position to be in. And I'm like far out to get to the point where I've got a little blob back to a guessing game. The guessing game, I'm like, ash am I an idiot? No? Okay, great, No, I don't think you're an idiot. Honestly, not for me. If you guys have made the decision.

Obstetrician was like, we came in and the first thing you said was what the hell are you guys doing?

You're out.

You're well and truly going to be outnumbered, which is something that people warn you about.

But you just don't know.

If you're looking at what my life's going to be like with three and you think that's what makes this family feel plea, then you haven't done the wrong.

Actould you know who helped me? Who is Aimes on the poetic When she was like it's good, yeah, this is on you, Ames. But when she was like, Ames's I guess we had on a little while ago. She's got four kids, and she was like, no, it gets easier, and I was like, where's Laura?

No, congratulations and thank you for sharing all of that with us off the back of that, Matthew, there's a very important decision that needs to be made and you've got plenty of time to do that, and that is what you were going to name this child. Now, there are I'm not gonna say good and bad names, but let's face it, there are names that you associate with bad behave.

Yeah.

I think everyone grows up and names have a certain image attached to it based on the kids that.

You went to school with. Yeah, oh for sure. Yeah.

And so there are names where, like Laura and I were going through potential names at the moment and I'm like, well, we can't call it that because I had one of those names at my.

School and that were so naughty. So I thought we should do like our top three noughty.

Names, naughty names, Matthew, Okay, all right, So my first one Billy. Yeah, we used to have a kid at school, Billy. He's stunk, but also he was such.

A naughty kid.

Yeah, Billy's are very naughty, Yeah, very cheeky. For me, it's more of a it's a j names that start with jay.

Oh yeah. So number three for me is gi Ji is aughty name. Yeah, Okay, I never had a joy that I can recall. To any guys out there, I apologize. I don't mean to stuff. You're ill evil those parents out there being like that was our name for a kid? Cross that out. Number two? Yeah, Jake, Oh yeah, I got a couple. Yeah, it's the Jay's.

Dude, Jesus, Okay, I'm going to throw a girl's name in the mix. And again, if this is your name and you're very well behaved, I'm sorry to offend.

But Evie Eve is it cheeky? Very close to evil? Yes? Right, suspiciously close. What's your number one? Number one? Which I think was going to be similar? If it's a boy, Nathan, Nathan.

I knew and Nathan in school and he was quite nice. He's my only actually there was there was one nice and there's one evil difference. My number one, going back to Jay's, it's the Jay's. You've got to be worried about Jared.

Oh my god, it's gonna shivers down my spine.

If your child is becoming friends with another child called Jared, just be very careful, have your guard up, be warned, because that's a naughty. Fucking is a naughty and if it's not naughty now will be naughty in the future.

That's a future criminal.

They cannot fight the naughtiness once they have the tag of Jared. There's only one path in life that will take.

Jared's the new Ivan. I'm going to say it, say that Jared. My lat has are into it. Actually I like it so yeah. So luckily I don't have to worry about Jay's for this baby.

I don't have any names in the mix Jessica, Jessica and am I just jess It old Jeffica, Jesse Bear our producer's nicknames. Bella not a fan, although Bella for sure it's been killed.

And if you enjoy this episode that's a funny name, you can please subscribe. We have a lot of people who listen to this episode, any episode from Two d Dads, and they don't subscribe to the podcast. Please, yes, please, I'm asking you right now politely subscribe, because that gives us the fuel we keep coming back and doing his episodes every single week, and also give us a couple of reviews if starts.

We'll join us on social Two Doting Dads Instagram, TikTok, and the Facebook.

If any of that is triggering to you, we'll leave some.

Yeah.

If you have any questions about the topics every time of today, yes, hit us up, ask the way and.

We'll tackle them in the following weeks.

Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island to people's today.