#135 Getting Caught With Your Pants Down

M hmm. Just let me finish my paper. How is your propper? By the way, very appily. We are not at my house. We have yes, we are. We have moved in the basement. We could put this in the basement with something like this in the basement of your house.

I reckon, I can put it in the garage.

Oh, it must be nice one of the guests bedrooms. Fucking bait me.

You can put it in the in the basement and like maybe and you're like, you fucking read We're gonna.

Put it in one of your fifteen bedrooms. It's nice.

We've got we've got proper cameras, we've got lights, we've got free poppers.

Should we do this moving forward? Do you think we'll lose the charm? Nah? I like the All we need now is to just do some food eating as.

I've got half chicken wrap that I might start eating. Welcome back, Twods.

I'm Maddy Jay and I'm Ash and this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, and it is the relatable.

And if you've come for advice, stop stop. Pull the handbrake up. Don't do it, pull it right up. I don't want to put any pressure on us, Ash, I don't want to put any pressure on us.

Yeah, I don't want TOI though, But but I don't know what we did last week.

I don't know what happened. It was a fucking mess of an episode. It was like the they're the best one we had, Like the bust of the dog was making noise, Ellie k halfway stairs, Dandal appointment.

Why was she limping if she had a saw tooth?

Oh no, yeah, what if she had something wrong with it? I can't keep up anymore.

She definitely had no shoes on.

Yeah, poor thanks, shuffling shuffling down?

Can I can I come out of the bedroom?

It's like, shut up, get back in the wardrobe.

But people like the episode.

Yeah, someone put a comment They were like, Ash, ten out of ten, which is it's very arrogant of you. But then they also said when I said to jet I think I won that one.

Because you had the airplane seating plan that people sided with, and also you did the sob story of like I.

Was like, it was you sound very jealous.

I was abused by the people who were doing the choir auditions for Quantas.

Yes, I wasn't abused, and.

You made it sound like you were. Okay, so you want people of it. So I don't know what we've done. We're going to try, and.

I'm not putting pressure on us because it was chaos. It was chaos, and but for.

Those of you who wanted to be the same as last week, I'm.

Not going to happen. This is I've got a question for you. Have you ever no, this is awkward.

I've got something really quick. Okay, get really quick, really really quick. Sorry, Okay, I was doing a week just before, now you go. I was doing a week before and remind me. Reminded me of a conversation that we had because I do wheeze by putting my penis above I don't use a fly zipper. I just kind of like pull my pants down and then put.

My really over the jeans.

It must be huge, and you think that's weird.

I do.

I look with elastic pants full on board, but you're wearing jeans.

R jeans, say, with a belt with a belt over the belt. I like it. I like I'm a fly guy. But I said, at least we're not like my old boy who puts it below the bottom of the trousers like the bottom of the so like, for example, you got obviously you can't work with pants because you have to roll those all the way out, but like I can get it out there nice. You go at the side of the leg of the short at a urinal.

Yeah, no, urinal, there's no limitations to it.

I think that's sucking. Pretty rogue. It's such an old boy thing to do. It's pretty grab It's like it's do you.

Know where I reckon it comes from, like the generation of ruggers, you know the ruggage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the Low's ruggers.

I just find it's quicker. It's easier to go over the pants than through the ziper.

Yeah, because we're talking about because I got my fella stuck in the zip and the way you're doing it's high. That week was a bad.

Week for my penis, I tell you right now, because I did that and then it would rap up against whatever I was wearing. Sorry, Jess, just sitting right.

I always your questions. I wanted to ask you. Have you ever assumed someone is the grandparent but they're actually the parent?

I did have, Yeah, I had someone recently. I was watching them was at the airport. Okay, because if you spoke, have you done it to them?

To the no. In my head thise you and I built very different. I was eyeing off a family. Well, okay, that sounds real stalkery. I was at the airport. It was I was looking.

Through the window at the car park at nighttime, had a trench.

Coat on, and I looked and I thought, you know, it's hard to I look at age groups that I struggle with a newborn to two years, okay, it's hard to decipher. Sometimes I'll throw a number out there and I'm like, what is he six months?

And they're like, he's two, and I'm.

I think it's a man thing because I did it with April when she used to work in daycare and long before I had kids. I'll be like, Aple'll be like, how old's that kid? I don't know, like eight. She's like, he's like four.

I was like, oh, I don't know. It's impossible to read. It's hard.

And then and then I think from the age of I'm going to say thirty five to fifty, that's fair. That to me, it's a bit so fair. It's hard to decipher.

I think think, especially.

With men I think it's harder with men because like it could be gray and thirty.

That's not a dig at you, but you know what I mean, Like you could be like I've got friends that are baled. How old are they eighteen? No?

Are they're like thirty in there like my age. Yeah, because my dad was bald at my age. Actually now I think about it, but he used to peroxide his hair every day.

Then he had a hard a fast track it. It's not far off. I'm not far off.

Why did you you had a scenario?

I had a scenario.

So I have Macy's on Thursdays and we went to Dad such a good dad.

Thank you wow for saying that. I really needed that today. And I just really quickly, just really quickly.

Do you ever have to say to people when you're like, oh, I've got macy on Thursdays? Do you have to say, like, but me and my wife are divorced.

I guess not, Like no, I just let them think whatever they want to think, because.

Whenever I say Thursdays, we're the same. I have the kids dad.

There.

But to other people, I'm like, I have her on Thursdays because she's not in daycare and my wife and I still together.

Nah.

I just let them just imagine whatever they want, Okay, especially when it's women. I'm sorry, April, Sorry, No, I always say, yeah, it's it's it's Macy and Daddy day today.

So who'd you see where we.

Went to the went to the shops. I can't remember what we're getting. That's not that's not usually. I'm pretty good like that. I remember, but I don't remember. But there's a little play it's sort of like a really small one. You take your shoes off, padded, just like a small little indoor playground as you would find.

It, and you like feets, you'd love it there. I don't like kids feet. It's like old man feet, wrinkly.

Talking about the parents parents have to do.

No, you don't d robe as a parent, d row to get I'm just gonna go de robe and playing this playground.

And I was like sitting there and you know how with that small talkies where you're like there's one other kid there playing, there's one other parent, and you're like, how old you do? The whole it's around the motions of like name maybe age.

I have MACI on Thursdays.

I'm like, oh, do you have so and so so and so on Thursdays too, like okay, so like and assumed that they were the grandparent.

How old at this point did you think they were? I thought they were sixties. Okay, ITH's is really bad for me. How old were they? Do you know? I didn't want to ask after I assumed them already. How did you.

How did you suggest or did you just blatantly say are you the grandparent?

Yeah? First I sort of suggested did you ask that? Because they were older? And it wasn't straight into that.

It was like I said something along the lines of old. I was like, oh, it's nice that you have them once, you know, one day week, and I was sort of like weird sort of small talk about where the parents are or do they go to the kindergarten?

And then I was like, oh, so you're the grandparent and she was like no, oh my god, oh yeah. Thankfully she was like no, no, no, no, no, she's fine, and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, like I didn't and then I was like, oh, may be to go, and I like dragged her out and it ruined my whole day because I wasn't the way way to make.

It about you.

Then I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't sleep. I felt horrible about it. It was just like two weeks ago, and I still think about it every time I go to sleep.

Imagine this poor parent being tired, exhausted. They just want to get out of the house. They go to the playground. They're sitting there, and then you go. So you're pretty old, you're in a retirement village. You're a great parent, obviously, No, I'm thirty.

Yeah. And then I was like, oh, anyway, kid, let's go drag her out. She's like, what do you mean? I felt horrible.

I just you know, when you walk away from any situation and you're like fuck, And I just felt horrible.

So have you've never done that? No? Okay, has anyone done that my own? I know, I don't think.

I'm trying to think of there's a scenario where I've been like, oh, you're pregnant, but I don't think. I don't think what have you done? We should probably stop you right now, we should stop. People are going to start complaining about me. Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Have you ever killed a kitten?

Yeah? Actually yeah, I can bet you. No, I haven't definitely not. I'm an animal lover. Anyway.

I felt horrible about it, but I wanted to ask you if you don't's trump be no.

I wish I could make you feel better. Yeah.

But the fact that you have acknowledged it you made a mistake, I think is great. I have another announcement to make about Lola go on. We mentioned last weekend that she is starting school. Yes, now, one thing that she hasn't gotten rid of, which is like the remnants of.

The poppers are good here, aren't they? We should take what's left of them.

So one thing that she has held on to the remnants of being a toddler is her dummy. Oh yes, loves her dummy and got really bad. At one point she was having like six dummies to bed. She had like a family of a cluster of dummies in the bed when we went away on trips.

Say it must be nice, yep, thank you.

And it was a nightmare because sometimes she wanted one particular dummy, and of the six dummies that we brought, we missed the one that she wanted, and she wouldn't sleep, she'd have a tantrum.

That's your fault for having so many dummies. I won agree you.

Get all the same color. Yes, yes, actually that's such a good point. Any families out there who have a child who was obsessed with dummies just by the one brand, the one make, the one model, the one color.

Is that advice I hear?

Yeah, okay, yeah, that's not going to harm anyone.

No, that's like it's unharmful, unharmful because I made put it in their mouth though, because then.

Yeah, also we had like good dummies, and then she had a taste. There wasn't any other dummy other than like a three month old dummy, like the minute dummy, and then she kind of started liking the small dummies, like the more potent dummy.

Teeth another one.

Yeah.

Yeah, And so then all the big dummies that she had, which there was twenty of, she then hated like it was it was a nightmare. And I will say, me and Laura, that's on us too many options. That's our mistakes. We did at one point try and remove the dummy. We thought, I think it was like last year, could have.

Been there, you remembermember last year? Yeah, and you did it for like a week.

We got to a week and we tried to make it a bit of a thing, like we I thinking hunt dummy fairy with dummy fairy.

We didn't.

I don't think we gave her enough notice. But I also remember when we kind of said to her like, hey, in a couple of days, the dummy fairy is coming.

She was like ropable.

She was like fuck that absolutely not I'm not ready, and we were like no. I don't know how we decided the date. It was just like on a I think we also did it on like a Monday as well, which is just like the start of your work week.

All the nightmare I remember it was a nightmare.

Screaming, you know, just hours every night. It was painful.

But she's not a thumbsucker? Is she doesn't know it? Like a thumb. That's Marley was doing the thumb.

Yeah, she's a thumbsucker. And then after almost a week we gave up. I recall right, so you try again, try it again. We gave her lots of notice, telling her for a while that.

This is her last birthday.

Literally we went before, we've been planning the seed. And then we gave her like we're written down, like we have ten more sleeps, ten more sleeps with the dummy and she kind of was on board.

She's matured a lot. Was humoring you.

No, she was like she was kind of like, Okay, like I get it.

Did it do Doesn't it change the shape of their mande?

Yeah? Her teeth if she bites down, her front teeth are like really they don't touch, like a gap between.

Yeah. Because I met a kid in Bali or a parent that didn't meet a kid, well, fucking I really incriminated myself in this episode. Already.

I met a mom who she was with her kids swimming with Macey and she and I had noticed that, like he had like his teeth didn't want it.

And my wife April goes, yeah, that's from a dummy. I didn't. I hadn't noticed it with Lola though.

They kind of say from the age of four, like it from three it should be dummies gold because it completely fucks their teeth up. And then by four and again not advice. I read this somewhere online, I think from for it creates permanent damage to the teeth.

Oh my god.

So Laura and I were kind of like, fuck, we've got to We've got to do something here. But luckily she was on board with the ten Days nine days. She kind of she got it. She got it. She was like, she was very understanding. She's turned a corner the last few months where she now has this like she's grown up. Yeah, she's grown up a lot.

But did you show a picture of deformed teeth? Like this is what I mean?

I was away for work on Monday. Must be nice, okay. And that happened to be the end of the ten days where it was first night, so I wasn't there early.

Did you go to the airport and what time was your actual life? I was on time. So many people were hating us for that. I know.

Also a few people were like, do the same thing, and I'm like everyone does that, and shit, everyone sits in the April.

Yeah, I reckon April does it. She's like, oh my gym classes at five point thirty. It's like bullshit. She's just hanging out the car half doom scroll people.

Yeah, they parked the car around the want before going to the garage because I want to wait till the kids are asleep.

We will do it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I have to come back to that one. I have never done that.

So we were like, Lola, time is up. We got to hand over the dummies. Dummy Fairy is coming, Dummy Fairy is coming tonight, and she was like.

I get it, I get it. Wow.

It was like someone who had been on the run for the police and then they finally got caught and instead of running, they just went.

You know what, they're exhausted from running. You've got me and that's it.

It's done.

Yes, I wasn't there. I was away for work, being an absent father earning money.

Right, that's fair enough. Let me just justify that even if you weren't, I think it's fair. Thank you, Break, You're a good dad.

Laura sent me through a video of the final moments before she was handing over the dummies because the dummy Fairy was coming that evening. I've sent you that video ashes on your phone?

Is that what? You just don't want to have a little watch.

At Lola finally saying goodbye to her dummies for the last time.

What are you doing, Donal, because I'm a key so far chock, Hey, Lola, who's coming tonight? Are you ready to say bye bye bye bye dunnies.

She's definitely got some hidden somewhere that you don't know.

That you, reckon, she's playing the game with you. Also, Molly looks super cute school uniform.

Thank you very much, Thank you very much.

Do you think she's.

Just being like she's taking it like a chance.

She's been so mature about.

It, I know, Lola, and she's manipulated you and gas lighted near that.

I reckon, she's got some hidden somewhere. Oh my fucking it's worth it. Snoop, don't say anything, just snoop around and just see because she's given them up way too.

She's been great night one night too, couple little tears but like nothing big, no big candies got ya and like where Laura and I going, My god, She's like, this has been a breeze. What have we done differently? Maybe it's the fact that she's more but we just have to wait till the right time.

I don't want to.

But she even said, we put it to bed the other night and she goes, do you know what I really feel like right now?

And we're like, what's that. She's like, she's like a Winny Reds, just a little dummy.

And we're like we're like, sorry, honey, you know the dummy fairies come and she goes.

I get it. That's fun.

Anyway, better be off to bed, love you guys.

Don't come in.

Reckon, she's got your mate, I reckon, she's Look if not, if I'm wrong, I hope I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, that's great. Is mature, and that is instant matured. But you know what child we're talking about, right, because I.

Was going to sit here and say, again, not advice, but any parents out there who may be removing the dummy, and if you really get a sense that your child is not right, just wait it out, wait.

Till they've figured it out how to trick you.

Yeah, yeah, I reckon. We're talking about.

There was at least forty dummies scattered throughout the house. Yeah.

I would do a deep dive into that bedroom to see maybe you could bribe Mali into be.

Like because they share the bedroom, be like, be fucking honest.

I reckon, Look like I said, If not, that's that's a huge turner. We're talking about like Lola, where she can love you one second and she's like get off me. Yeah, because what she sucks you in and then you're like come give me countries.

Like oh no, run away, I'll keep you posted, keep me posted on that. What else you got for me? But what else forgot for Oh?

I was caught with my pants down, literally bar incrementing yourself as no, no, yeah, no, no, no, I'll paint your picture. Let me paint you and the listeners of picture. Because this is an audio medium, not a visual medium. Please just not sure if you knew that.

So, my bathroom is one of those bathrooms where the toilet is separate from the main bathroom. It's in a separate room.

Which I like, do yeah, because it's very you know, you stink it up. Someone has to brush their teeth. There's nothing worse than brushing your.

Teeth, That's true. Make a good point. So the point I was always like, look, it's a waste of a room.

But anyway, and then the adjacent door bathroom door. Here is the laundry. Yes, and that's where the storage is. For anything bathroom laundry related not important, but thank you, it is important. It is important to the story. And the one of the best things about having kids, Matt is when you run in a toilet paper and you go, Marley or Oscar, can you get me some toilet paper?

Run errands for you?

Yeah, but no one was home, right, So I've had to go in search of toilet paper that's in the laundry. So I've opened up the door, pants down, pants a down, my ankles, bum pooy.

Bum, shuffling down the hallway doing the shuffle. Yeah it's not down, just to the right. If you listen to the start of the story, I apologize. I went in there because that's where the toilet is kept. Now the next door neighbors are currently having their roof redone.

Okay, this is a layer that I wasn't expecting, thank you, a layer of shit you won't expecting anyway.

So and also, my laundry door is clear like your front door. Yeah, completely see through, right, And it just so happens that the toilet paper is actually on the lower part of the cupboard in the laundry. And I've come in, I've shuffled in, I've bent down grabbed a couple of rolls of toilet paper because I just want to get don't want to get one, don't want to be selfish for the next person stood up, turned.

Around and there is three trade's on the roof with who's just had a clear shot of my pooey asshole. Oh my god. And all I could do at the time, all I could think of was just a cheeky thumbs up, tucked the toilet paper under my chin and shuffled back to the toilet.

Did you give him a thumbs up? Did you get one back?

It was just shock. That was just like.

It was like seven in the morning or something like that. I'm ridiculous like that. Anyway, I don't want a story toffee, No, do it please? Because that was like that was great.

That's classic. That's a classic embarrassment. My front door it is see through.

So Lola was up pretty early and she was like, hey, everybody, come and look how nice the sunrise is. Because sunrise is about like six o'clock at the show or this. You're better than that. She was like, come see the sunrise. It's beautiful. And it was beautiful.

It was like a magenta and it would rise like your door faces southeast beautiful, beautiful for the sunrise.

And ocean views. I was in huh ocean views.

Speaking for highlighting. I was in my undies and normally no one's really at that time. Lola was like standing on the garage. I then came out to then, because you know, you have you just have to keep the kids happy. And then I stood out there and I was looking, and then the neighbor was getting in his car across the road. He looked, was kind of like about to look. So I was like, fuck. I went to turn around to go back inside. The door had shut behind me, so I just turned around, like, fucking

You would have had those white little undies onto with the ship stayed down the bag.

But also, when you get to our Josh.

I'm no, I'm not falling into our age. I'm still early thirties.

Like my year old. You're old.

When you get to you've like you've got bad knees, bad hips. When you get to our age and you got kids, you don't really care about being seen naked as much as when you're like.

Yeah, in fact, let's get naked right now, Jesus, like please fucking.

Don't hey, just really quickly. You may have seen recently I was at movie World. Oh yeah, actually movie World. I'm going to go, oh, when was the last time you're at movie World?

Oh? Fifteen years ago?

Okay, good, because I can just help you out here.

Don't go.

No, it's great. Okay, it's great. It's sick. It's sick, like I didn't think sick. It was fully sick. Double Shuckers loved it. Yeah, they were like, holy shit, this is unbelievable. You know, going down that main strip where all the characters are and did I have the Batmobile? Still had the Batmobile. It's different. The Batmobile has changed. It was not Do you remember the Batmobile was like with Jim Carrey as the Joker. Yeah, that one's not there.

It's not there. What is it now? Like a Lambeau or.

Something pretty like it's souped up just slut slutty.

Batmo by You need to.

Talk about the batmobial like that? Absolutely?

Is it like a Lambo or some shit like that.

It's like cool, it's like a souped up like GT for.

It's a superw Rex.

Yeah, it's cool. I Maii went on a first roller coaster, which is a great experience. Which one it was a Looming Tunes one, okay, Luny Tunes one.

Is she old enough? How old? Yeah? It's high.

You have to go through and there's like if they're over a meter but under one ten. They can go on these like bigger rides, but you have to go with an adult. They can't go by themselves.

What do you like with rides? I used to love it. I used to love it.

I get pretty motion sickness now, like my my tummy gets a bit unsettled.

Jess's comments are slowly making sense. You're showing your age.

Boys. I get motion signs. I get motion signess on a swing, dude.

I remember, like when I was a teenager going on one of the rollercoasters, like hold on and going on like five times in a row at the end of the day when it was pretty quiet, and just loving it. Looney Tunes like there's no loop to loop, there's none of that stuff because it's for kids, right, but still like it's you know, it's you're moving a lot shaking.

And the G force. There's a lot of there's a lot of g forces.

But Marley, she didn't really look at it going She just she was like, I just want to let's do this. And I was like, are you sure, and she was like fuck yeah, And I was like case. We lined up, we got there and were we had the option. We're at the front of the queue. Gate open, we could grab our seats and I was like, do you want to go on the front and she was like heck, yeah yeah, And I was like ah, and she was like see sick. And then you were going up the start.

Okay. I was sorry, I keep sliding down. You're like on the floor. Make yourself at home. I slug sorry.

And then as soon as we like you kicked off. Fucking loved it. She wanted to go back to back. How could I couldn't because I was queasy.

Kids kids have got no fear.

I think, well, Lola was petrified.

She wouldn't like trying to get it go on in the Merry go round. She was like it was just like slowly tilting. She was like, stop, get sickness on just a swing.

Do you remember those little cars, I don't even know, little cars that you sit on top of the cars and they like they like a dodgery car. Yeah, but you only go it's like a track.

It's like, yeah, okay, you know you.

Can't you're at most ten k's an hour. Lola was like almost went on those ones and she freaked out last minute. So what did she do all day? We went, We went to the live action like used to be the Police Academy show.

Yeah, Lola was like, this is too loud. It's very loud. Have you seen them behind the scenes of that. That's sick. It is, it's sick, sick.

But one thing I noticed again this is I just want to manage your expectations.

I remember being there.

As a kid and it being enormous, like it took the whole day to explore everything.

Is that not the case? It's shrunk. Do I think you've gotten bigger? Yes?

Thank you a fucking idiot.

Ouch that hurts. But so what what do you mean? What do you mean you've got Yeah, it's like you know when you're in primary school and you see the high school kauds, like fuck, they're huge, And now you look at the primary school the high school kids and you're like, I'll take I probably still couldn't, but it's like, yeah, yeah, I get it. But like it to Lola and Marley, it is huge. Absolutely, So it's shrunk. It's small. Yeah, it was weak. They just got one strip, the one strip.

No, I went to Disneyland in Paris after we had caveat for breakfast and we spoke at the French last the other half live.

Yes, before kids. Actually we found out we were pregnant a week before we had to go, so we couldn't go on any fucking right. Need your last story.

But that's again, okay, thank you, thanks Oscar. Anyway, Um, yeah, we're gonna go because we're going to the Goldie next month for Easter.

What was was a Disneyland story. It's huge. Okay, so I think it's great.

It was great, but yeah, just be prepared for the fact that your memory of it will be so different.

To you going there as an adult. I've just received a message, Oscar. He has placed ninth in cross country.

His shoe fell off. I didn't know that he had to run a kilometer dude, this morning.

I didn't think they let kids that age.

Yeah, cross country April. It was really sad because there's so many kids running and crying.

I'm pretty sure when my kids go to school, they're not allowed till grade three to do cross country.

Apparently the grade three kids were the most upset. April was like Oscar loved it is. Shoe just fell off. And we've been practicing not not can I just not the running part.

I don't want to. We've been practicing the what to do if you win or if you lose, which is shake everyone's hands. A good race regardless. I'm a good dad, such a good dad. Thank you. Did he have the bel grows shoes or a lace up? They were? They were the lay with the velcove so that you don't actually do. They were like the ship. It's still she came off, come flying off. Apparently he made run. He was hitting it with pace. So I'll let you gether. I'll let you have that one. I get out of

Ninety kids. Holy shit, that would have been carnage. Yeah, did ninety kids run it?

Yeh, that's just in their grade. Kids that they lose.

Eighty one of them was the last one that I'm surprised he came ninth.

He's been he's been really like trained for.

It, a little bit like just like running, get you down to be here four hundred times. No, but he a kilometer. Yeah, he was pumped for it. Apparently he was really stoked with the top ten, top ten, top ten.

Well, especially if you you know shoeless.

You were a fast kid, I've been told growing up.

I was quick over short distances. You're a sprinting not a marathon runner.

Yeah, in my heat, I look forward to the next athletics day where we can see Oscar in his pet event one hundred.

Would Mary your school do athletics at that age or not?

Good question? Glad you asked. I don't know.

You should find it. What about swimming carnival? Masy swim on her own? What is going on kids growing up?

Anyway?

Moving on, time for lights, Tell me Love, tell me little live Matt.

Would you like to go first? To go first? Okay? This one's from Crystal. Crystal congratulations.

So if you lie does get read out, you do get the choice of either a Maddie j or an ash stuffed toy.

I did see that the last few that went out were actually ash toys.

Yeah, how does that make you feel? Yeah, the nervous little voice. This one's from Crystal.

My daughter think that the TV remote works better if she's extra polite when asking for a shot.

That's good.

I've actually got ash a recording of a lie.

Oh this is new yeah hotline.

Yeah, guess who it is? Coming back with another big lie?

Donner and more.

Guess we had a big lie last week gang busteres on Social.

We Go.

So Nana Ellie told the lie about the PlayStation rented. We actually owned it. This morning, I said, you wouldn't believe it. NA one point six million views that video has and she was pumped.

Oh, she'd be fro no wonder she's asking fucking cruise lines for work.

And people in the comments were like, who is this?

Genius is? Who's Ellie?

And we want more? So this is another lie that we have from Ellie.

God. I hope it does as well second time round.

The PlayStation wasn't the only thing I lied about. You were too young. But the other two were being silly in the lounge and they knocked the television and it smashed.

I said, that's it.

We don't have a television now and I'm not replacing it. But I did replace it with a small television that I kept in my wardrobe.

When you've gone to bed.

I went to my room and I could turn it on and watch what I wanted to watch. And you just thought you didn't have a television.

She's a fucking genius. Oh how much does she have in the vall? She's a cruel mistress, she is. That's the equival of like, yeah, she's just gone off to her room to sneakily watch TV without you.

That's a lot of work though, having to put the little TV back up.

I mean it all makes you think what else she was hiding from you?

Yeah? So each week I'm just going to pull into a lie out of Ellie and bring out some childhood trauma.

Does she want a stuffed ash doll? She deserves?

That is good year, She's very good. I've got another one, Matt. This one's from Jazz Mim also winner this week. Husband came home drunk one night, had a boy and said he drank too much juice and now kids are afraid to drink the old drunk on apple juice trick. I've heard that before. That's good. What else you got for me?

I go on?

This is from Treaty Treaty tricky names this week.

That's what I'm saying tricky. I don't want to name Shane. I don't want to name Shamee. But when are we going to get the Luke James BOMBI bloke Okay from Tretty.

It says I told my toddler that if they pressed the elevator button too many times, the elevator will get dizzy and refuse used to take anyone up.

It's like when I was a kid and my parents would be like, don't press the crossing the street thing what they call it?

Fucking heal?

No, no, no, no, the one with the button the traffic light crossing?

What do you call that traffic light?

There's got to be a simpler name than that. I feel like I'm tripping over that, Like the traffic light crossing. You don't press it too many times. Every time you press it charges you. No, no, it charges you like fifteen cents, and then they send you a bill.

So she like, just press it once. Who told you that? My mum? No, my nan with all the spoons, yeah yeah, with the spoon trine. Do you believe it? Yeah, I still believe it. I press it once. I've just worked out that I'm an idiot. Okay, I love it. List of questions, Listen to questions. Do you want to start this? You start?

You start? Okay about this? One's from anonymous Strange Names this week.

Mum of a one.

Year old Here, huge fight with my partner last night. He says we spend no time together, our relationship is non existent, and we no longer have fun. He's not wrong in some ways, we've both been focusing on getting back to ourselves after becoming parents, or so, I thought. Do you have any rituals for spending time with your past?

Rituals? Sex, I'm a child. I'm just a child first and foremost. Go on.

I think it is very natural as parents, with any number of children, that you have periods where you feel a bit disconnected from your partners.

A roommate like a roommate phase. Do you know how old the kids are? No, that's one year old? Did you say one year old? Yes? Fuck like dude? Can you remember how hard it was with a one year old? Yeah?

Do you know what I forgot? I had to do disinfect like the teats of Bob?

Do you remember that ship? I didn't know?

Oh?

Not by hand? Did you put in one of those things and checked in the microwave. You're putting plastic in the microwave. No, they go in like a special. They go in a special. Parents will back me up. I swear to God. Google it. It's like a It's like a container. You put a little bit of water and it's sterilize. You chuck it in the microwave and it peats up and its sterilized. It like boiling water.

Microplastics. Does that mean anything to you?

Obviously not, bro. My kids are just full of microplastics. They're gonna get their blood filleded one day, so I shouldn't attack I mean attacking you this day. Yeah, but I appreciate it. I have keeps me on my toes. I've acknowledged it.

So for first and foremost continue one year old.

It's like that is that you're in the eye of the storm. That is a tricky position to be in.

I think it's there coming out of the trickiest position. You know what I mean, because that's what you're saying. Yeah, like that that age.

Yes, don't get me wrong, Still tricky and for some it's trickier.

That whole leading up to one. No wonder you're not fucking hanging out with each other you probably hate each.

Other everyone on the surface, Yes, did everyone with a one year old. Every couple hates each other at that period of life, and.

If they don't, they're fucking lying. No one is thriving.

You may thrive for the blink of an eye, but then the majority of the time you're just trying to stay alive. You just get your head above water. That's the reality. I think anyone who was like, oh wow, I don't really have, like my relationship is not cranking with one year old, I'm like, it should that shouldn't.

It shouldn't be cranking. If it's cranking, that kid's being neglected. It's hungry, all.

Right, keep controld alive. I think also, and we say we're not going to give it any advice, but we're both married, we both have two kids. I think we're both.

In a position we could give a little bit of advice that has worked potentially for us.

I'm ready for it. Give yourselves a fucking break. Actually, sorry, continue, shut.

You up, don't go so hard on yourselves, and don't put too much pressure.

There's so much time for you to get that back. Is that they am I wrong? Yes? Go on, Okay, put more pressure on yourself.

Is that what you're saying, Get get ready, give the mom a break. Okay, yes, okay, Because I I I was was shit with.

A one year old.

I was still in that mindset of like, oh, mom's got it, you know, because newborn's up until three four months, Mum and newborn, they are attached at the hip slash boob and.

One year old.

There were one year old is when dads like that can really start taking on a lot more so. I think I think it's hard to think about being sexy and romantic and wanting to have all that type of business going on when you know the house is a mess and you're trying to deal with a little child.

So my best advice is.

Any dad's out there who think my relationship is not being prioritized, just like clean that house, dude, take a day off work, call and sink to work, and just like clean the house, do the washing, mop the vacuum, mop the floor.

A little bit of your player is going to go a long way.

Please refer to the two thousand and twenty three calendar that we did plugg.

Very much out of date. That's my advice.

I think that's that's pretty solid, but I would just attack on the top of that that if you are mum, don't try and force that advice onto them, because it could you know what I.

Mean, Like if you're like, why don't you clean the house anymore? It might make it worse.

Don't you know fucking talent to clean the house?

Are you going with your going with full?

Tell them I think by what I like what you said was then if your dad right, just just go and do it?

Yes, yes, yes, I like that. Be proactive, be there he is.

That's to hear because it's it's like for me personally, if I would prefer to be proactive and do those sort of things, then to be told go and do it, you know what I mean.

No one enjoys a gift they asked for, not that doing exactly what.

You're just full of good words right now. I'm not going to stop it. You got the apple juice? It was the apple juice out of date? Okay, question for you again.

Don't put too much pressure on the relationship, right yes, because no one is. I know, we joke, we laugh. Everyone fucking hates each other at that stage.

Life with a two year old is a lot better than life for the one year old.

Yeah, for sure, they're given back way more.

Give me a toddler any day of the week. Newborns question for you, Ash go, This is from Okay, not important.

Oh that's not fair. No, it's not important. We're sick of names today.

Actually this one, this one came from producer Jass.

The Facebook group got a great response. Do you mean just with no kids? Yeah? Okay, I'm asking the question now to you, Ash.

Have a sip your popper, very good, Yeah, get that juice in you because it's it's like gasoline. What are your top three kids shows that aren't annoying to watch as an adult?

Good question.

Let's start with number three down the bottom.

Okay, number three down the bottom is a show called Little.

Lunch, sort of like a primary school mockumentary.

I have seen that. It's interesting.

It's sort of like similar to like The Office, but the kids, kids, kids love it, love it.

And do you know what it's a And we're just going to give some more advice here. If your kid's going to start school, get them onto that show because.

It really does really hangs the picture of what school life.

And anyone that has said because you'd go through, and you'd be going through the same thing when you're talking to parents in the same class or same grade as your kid.

Now, how's Marlin going? Like has she adjusting? And it's like either you know, good or a couple of days for you're bad or blah blah blah blah.

During those first couple of weeks, people were like, how's Oscar and like April would be like, yeah, yeah, good, and they're like, oh, look, you know Parry or Billy or whatever it is struggling a little bit, and it was like, do you know what my kid's froth?

It really helped Oscar is Yeah, I love it.

Great characters, great writing, scripting, and that is lah very good.

Okay.

My number three is I'm going to go with play School a classic?

Is it because you've been on Play School?

No, don't be okay, don't be like at all? Why would you even suggest.

I'm going to be on PLA what? No, not made that up? See that? See that? Se see that? Did you see that? And that's going to be on camera too? There he is. I think I agree with you.

I think like it's one of the bit more bearable nursery rhymes sort.

Of great show, beautiful, love it plenty when.

You're on it, turn it straight off. Didn't you read a book to Buster or you just had Buster.

And you read I've read many books. Ash, it's been nice.

No.

My number two is a sung songs. You don't sing around me?

No, No, but this is not about me, isn't it. I can't remember the all.

Three of these shows, the shows you've been on. My next one is have you seen It's unbearable?

Okay? My number two, my NU two a show called zig and Shark? Wow? What's that? And I'm just going to preface.

This really quickly with saying I'm a real big fan of shows that there's no character talk like ping very much like pingu talking in kids shows is so fucking annoying, like coca melon?

Fuck me, what's your So it seems to be it seems to be.

It's like a little beaver sort of thing and starfish Ziggy and zig and Shark.

Okay, so picture this cartoons an I made it. It is a small bee like character.

I'm not specific on what animal that is, sure, and a shark and that's sort of like a Tom and Jerry situation where one's after the other at some point. Each episode might be a little bit different, but it's always set on a cruise ship. It's really weird and specific, but it's sort of a bit goes back to like ren and stimpy, sort of remember that, like that sort of animation.

I love that. I'm going to you're selling it to me and I like it.

Number two for me, I'm going Blue.

What's up for? I think Nick Cody put it really simply go on.

He's like, there or everyone gets so self obsessed with how they parent based off the parents on Bluey And then he says, that's because they're seven minute episodes. You could be a good parent for seven minutes. So I think I like the premise of that every Blue episode can be for.

An adult as well, and I like it.

There can put your heart strings a bit, but I think too many of them, I start to feel like my parenting shit fair because they are They're always end up being such good parents in it.

Can't they shit the bed once or twice? Like they are dogs?

Like if the creators of Bluies are watching this or listening to this, please.

They've got those mini episodes, they're already seven minutes. Now, I've got to see parents be very good parents for the last minutes. I love it, don't I don't love it, love it, but I don't not like watching number one. Number one is a show once again no talking. It's called Mighty Beam.

I've not heard of this one, so it's like a similar.

It's it's a bit more animated opposed to like cartoon.

That makes sense.

So when I say animated, like say Shrek animated, right, right, A bit more like that, but same thing.

There's no talking.

It's just a lot of like it's about a small child, yep, baby.

I think it's set in like India or something like that. It's very enxotic, very exotic. The child has like super strength, right, and it sort of gets itself into all sorts of situations without any talking. It's all like music and emotion. But it's like one of those ones you can just pop on and you can just sit there and the kids love it and it doesn't annoy the fuck out of me.

I'll have to check it out. My number one is let.

Me just blewie, wasn't your number one? I'm intrigued, Okay.

I watched this one back in the day through my sister her kids used to love this show. My girls have just started watching it.

Come on, So if it's around from when we are, I'm gonna know it surely.

Nor my sister's kids, who are like, oh yeah, eldest is now like eight or nine, so now outgrown this show. But my kids now started watching it.

They love it. I also love it.

It's called Katie's Amazing Machines.

Never heard of it, dude, do you tell it? Sell it?

Do yourself a favorite Katie.

If you if you're pitching it to me, I'm going to invest in it, give it to me.

Okay, Katie is obsult, please moving on. I'm pretty sure her main job is she's like a rally car.

Driver, Lady of the Night. She's a rally car driver.

She's like a professional race car driver, and she goes around each episode she just checks out these awesome machines that move so like speedboats, motorbikes, like excavators, and she just drives them.

Is it animated?

Katie's a real dry, like a blippy yeah.

Yeah, but she's but she's cool. She's just like, hey, what's up.

I like to drive things and like go fast, So what are we checking out today?

A speed note, send me the link to this because Oscar will for all absolutely.

And then she talks about like how that machine, how that bit of equipment works, like an excavator. She'd be like, let's see how fast it goes, and she gets pretty slow, but it can do this and like digs holes.

Oh my god. So, yeah, is it on? What's it on?

I'll watch it on ABC Kids. But then as well, she'll also have someone who's an expert. So if she's said, like a motorbike, I have a motor byclist, well said thank you, and he'll do wheelies and she'd be like that's so cool, and he'll try and teach her something.

But she's very good. She can drive anything that's correct, like a bomb. You can drive anything anything. I've not seen it. There's no aeroplane. I've seen a fly. Shut up, Yeah, send it over. I want to. I want to show Oscar because we're going to be Katie's amazing. What are your thoughts on Blippy? Yeah, he's a bit much. Do you know the origin story of Blippy? You don't know the origin story. I think we've spoken about this for jest.

He shout his bed, and yeah, no, no, no, didn't shoot his bad You know that trend, the Harlem shake where it would cut to like them dancing crazy?

He diar read on his friend's face. That's how it's not true. It is true, It is true, It is true. Show me that it is true, Jessica, get that up right. This is before Blippy before.

I don't want to hear you guys talk about Blippy in this way without giving some kind of evidence it is.

It is factual. I'm giving you fat can we do?

I don't need lawyers in our case. This is defamation in the highest regard.

We shouldn't have shot on his mate's face, and I wouldn't have.

To fame him after this record finding the footage, I will find you. If anyone else has this footage, please send it to us.

If anyone else has any TV suggestions that's not going to drive a parent crazy.

Please let us know absolutely any lies, any questions, you may always always send them to us.

Our door is open. It is always open. Ash T shirts.

You're wearing a great T shirt? By the way, are you just thank you T shirt? Is it called the smelly Nappy T shirt? They are on our website. Two doting dads dot Com. They're forty five bucks if you want them. Honestly, I mean this when I say there's not many left.

Say that every week about everything must go well.

I just don't want people to be disappointed. We only have a couple remaining, okay them.

Thanks.

By the time this comes out, there may not be any left. So do yourself a favor. If you're thinking about it, grab a T shirt yourself. Don't be disappointed.

Don't be disappointed. Yeah with the shirt. We they're all sold out. Yeah, exactly what have I got?

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