Six week picks stepped it up, but not Yeah, six it's Australia's fast bowler. I don't think I could do seven. Seven would be really get it and jam it's okay. I was going to say these are rookie numbers. On I reckon I could do double that, and I'm happy for you to challenge me if you want to go down that track.
And if you want to have a week bix eating competition also not sponsored.
But if you'd like to get on board, wee bigs fourteen I reckon, I reckon anywhere between twelve and fifteen.
I can eat. I'm not even fucking scared. Bro, what you reckon?
You could eat?
You could eat more on that?
Okay, well, why are you only eating sick? Because I got I got kids to get out the door. But eximple, I'm just like shot kids on many weekbis in two hours. The kids are like, daddy, I'm like for school.
There's a good counting exercise for them.
They're like, why daddy can eat like sixteen week bigs? How many would you normally have? I reckon twenty. Let's go. I reckon I could hit to it. I reckon a whole packet, I could eat it. Shut the fuck up, you can't eat twenty week pigs, dirty tonguereu can get all flustered about the wheat piuse. Welcome back to two doting dads.
I am Maddie Jay and I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.
It is the good, this is a bad and the relatable. And one thing that it's not is a podcast that gives advice. Yeah. I would say that's scratch, So that's correct. Thank you very much. Ash. You you had to get prompted to know something about me. I did. I've noticed that you have removed said beard that was on thy face of you.
My daughter called it a chin called a chin trim, a chin trim. She's like, you got a chin trim?
That's clever. Where did you get that from? That sounds like a nana?
That sounds like, oh, chin trim. I decided to shave it this morning. Yeah, you look fresh. Your face looks skinny.
You know when you like, you go away somewhere for ages and you come back and you see like your pet again. You're like, you look so young, you look at different pet again. Have you ever noticed that you think I look young. You look young.
It looks have you ever have you ever had a beard that you shaved? Probably you're always quite well kept, but have you ever done it? And then notice that it kind of stinks under there? No, neither of I do.
You know what? Yesterday as well, took Iggy, the small dog of mine, to the groomers and me and Oscar and people up and I bring Iggy into the car and that's not eggy, stupid kid say like the dogs stunk. I I kind of smelled. Laura had joked about the fact that it was a bit smelly. Were you cleaning it? Yeah?
Bro, well we're not just whatever shampoo is in't there?
Shampoo?
Shampoo?
What else he meant to do? Facial cleanse? You look pretty good under there, like you could have it could have sweat.
And like around here it was. It was so flaky. It was really flaky and kind of smelled like palmes and cheese. And I was like, I was like, I better have a quick shower before I did the school run.
Yeah, your best too. Otherwise looks good.
Thank you, You're still got a bit of great. That's what you're great comes through, isn't it.
Thank you for reminding me, but Laura couldn't kiss me, couldn't kiss me. I just don't back parmas and cheese because it smelled like palms and cheese. Yeah, yeah, she was. She's like, when do you go to get rid of it? And I just liked it. I liked it.
Ore. You and I are very different. The more April tells me to get rid of something, the longer I keep it.
Well, I it's been what three weeks now since the jungle has been so for three weeks Laura has been begging, pleading, if you will, ash yea to have it removed and finally gone. Well, I just I enjoyed having sex without kissing.
It's the best. It's nice. It feels like it's efficient. It's very transact it's very transactional. I was like, money's in the on the side table. It's as like as that casual card. Hey, how's Vegas? Vegas was good man, I'll be.
Honest, it's nice to see you back in one piece.
It was.
It was a lot. It was a lot.
There's a lot of pain behind his eyes. It was a lot for three nights, Like the night before I went, I was like, oh my dear, one. I was going to travel eighteen hours for three nights in Vegas.
Did you get the upgrade? Nah?
Look, I the flight over is fine because it's I left in the middle of the day. So it's like it's pretty much just like an Aarvo drinking session on a plane.
That's pretty much all it is.
By yourself. Yeah, that had an American couple next to me and they're like, this guy can stack away some beers. Did you have a quick chat? Yeah, I had a quick chat.
I bet it was riveting for them.
And then it's always awking.
I just say, it's always awkward if you start the chat too early on, it's hard to know when to breakaway.
Yeah.
I just got on really drunk, and there's all systems go.
I was respectful. I watched my own things and then we chated a little bit. How you have to preface it, like, I was very respectful in the flood, Everything's okay. I was considerate. I was considerate drunk they're now Canadians fucking But no, it was good. It was a long it's a long way as you as you know.
And like on the way back, I was lucky.
I got two spare seeds and slept for like ten hours. But the coldest plane I've ever been on. I looked to the across the aisle and there's a lady there. Look she looked like, you know, homeless man. They got heaps of blankets over their shoulders and they're like that was freezing, And it was like, would you say anything? Would you make me say change the temperature in the whole plane.
Maybe someone bumped the Maybe the air hostess bumped the like control panel and set it to like seventeen instead of twenty one.
Maybe I reckon they did it on purpose, because you united help.
What do they call them again? Flight?
Not help, just stand in the barrel and go helper, bring me a drink? Help, fabi some great young help a woman over that not young? All. I noticed that the demographic are quite old and they're so grumpy. So why is that? You're like, can? I found myself trying to be so overly nice, and then I was like fuck this, And then I was just like, but must for a drink. It's honestly like you're asking for like
the newborn child. They're like, okay, here it is. That's like I'm asking him to land the plane, like mid air, like, just get me a drink. I know.
It's like probably because they do.
They shout out to all the hostess is out there working incredibly hard.
Except United. Well, they obviously work at a job, like especially the Americans, where they don't get tip for that job, right.
Oh yeah that much.
Do they expect a tip? Maybe they do.
Maybe they're like that guy and seat number twenty three a's not tipping us.
Wow, that's the case. I owe a lot of fighters. It's a lot of money.
I saw the biggest Peters I've ever seen.
Gone.
So you know, Vegas Strip, lots of beautiful, fancy hotels and you got MGM, you got Caesars. And it's sort of like you know, if you look at a building like that's a building, but you go to Vegas and you look at the building, you're like, whoa, look at that.
You know, it's got a architectural marvels. It's a bit tacky, but it's like it's it's always trying to be polite to the Americans.
I don't obviously I dip them.
I mean like even the what's the one with the fountains at the front, blag the blu it was.
Chockers a long. I couldn't even get down the foot path. It was just busy, like I don't know. Weather was great. You know, last time was a bit windy. This time it was quite nice. Do you have a memory at all? Do you what's my name? John Windy? I don't remember the weather? Remember they round all the it was. It was one day was windy.
We went to go to the pool and we were and the umbrellas are flying and paling people. Now I remember, Sorry.
We didn't have that this time. It was not beautiful. Wind was good.
It was about on the last day. But okay, what how did I say? You're admiring the buildings? How do you then at which point do you then come face to face with a giant penis? It was in one of the building windows. So you come around the corner. We come around the corner. There's a place called the Lynx, which is like a really old building in the middle of the strip, looks so out of place, like it's.
It's due for a knockdown.
It must be like a heritage listed it's like that. You're like, you come around the corner. That building anyway, it's got none of the windows are tinted. There's a guy standing there full in the fucking stark right, white guy.
What level do you think? It was? Rough? Five levels up?
So yeah, not far so he would know that he's like he was of what he's doing. Yeah, because if your level twenty, like this thing.
Hung down to his knee and he was completely shaven, and me and while stop, how long were you looking at him? I was like put my hands and he's just a big thumbs up. I had big thumbs up and then he but he was standing there so proud and majestic like he knew what he had. Maybe it was a fake like prosthetic. No, this thing was real, you reckon? He just good on him. Yeah, didn't move, didn't move a muscle and he's just watching the people
down And it was like a crowd of people. I was like standing up on like a ledge and I was like.
Like same kind of crowds that would go to watch the fountains at Blagia or then watching this guy at links.
Yeah yeah, yeah, and it goes off every thirty minutes. Highlight of the trip.
Wow, No, it wasn't hard. It was huge. What was I thought it was memorable.
And I know I'm glad.
I'm glad you held on to that story obviously for anyone wondering. You know, this guy was a willing participant. He was putting himself on show. He was he was a showman.
I wasn't people. I couldn't miss it.
It wasn't like ash was like breaking into rooms and looking at people's penises.
That's a story for another time.
But no, very good. And I did notice that they're over there this year because it was for the NRL. A lot more families man like young families too, so like little kids in their Sharks jersey. I said, love love the NRL. Yes, love what they're doing over in Vegas. Is it a family friendly place? Do you know what they did this time? And they've made it way more inclusive? So you know how like Fremont Street was like a night thing. Yeah, they had the Avo entertainment for the kids.
They would do on Fremont They would do like the Fox three sixty and the Maddie John Show in the afternoon, so all the kids could be around and there was all the entertainers. And would you take Oscar and Macy their next year? No, I live a very different lifestyle. To those children. But I actually spent the games with a young family from the Shire. And funny story how
this came about. I bought tickets on the day, the cheapest tickets, so right at the top and Myles, my friend who went, we were doing hot Labster because it's a beautiful stadium, like remember the gorgeous They know how to do it right, and we're going up the escalator and Miles starts chatting to this guy's got two big things of popcorn, because I was like, where'd you get that popcorn? And he started to give us the spiel about hey, if you buy one of these things.
He's got his kids, and he was.
Like, where are you guys sitting And we're like, oh, we're way at the top, and he goes, oh, we'll way at the top too. Until we started to get up there and I didn't realize his wife is deathly afraid of hide. It's very steep, so steep, and he was like, I went to one of the ladies there.
My wife's afraid to hide.
So they gave them a full like concrete deck that was like mid level that's usually used for like what still was used for, like wheelchairs and stuff.
That a whole deck. Oh wow.
And I was like, is that right? Pay used to be scared of heights, and the weasel started weaseling. I was like, your weasel senses would have been like yeah. I was like, I'm also deathly afraid of heights. Anyway, he goes come with us and I went and the lady was like, Jeff tickets. I'm like, yeah, way up. They didn't realize I'm definitely afraid of heights. And she was like, oh, there's plenty of room here. I love how you have to put in deathly. I am definitely
I'm going to save it. I'm going to sell it. I'm not going to be like, oh, I'm goin afraid of heights. So I got to sit will die if I have to stand up there. So I went from a thirty dollars ticket to a two hundred dollar ticket like that. So I just sat there the whole time with his family. Were you in a wheelchair? No? I was standing standing there was It was great.
Anyway. They had two young girls.
They go for the Sharks and just you know, just run lovely, running the mill sort of families to shout out to those guys.
I think his name is Brian anyway, I think.
But one thing that really shocked me going okay about this family is they had two daughters.
One was seven and one was.
Sort of Macy's age, maybe a little bit young. And I was, you know, chatting to the seven year old because she's you know, having a good time, and I was like, what's your favorite TV show? And she turned around she goes, w w E wow wow. Pretty influenced by dad, I reckon is he mom? Oh wow? Yeah? And Mum was like, we love it, but she's scared of heights. But she loves she loves wrestling, and apparently the daughter also loves vander Pump and they love popcorn. Yeah.
What an interesting bribes, What an interesting family. Yeah wow, it was good to have. How they do it in the Shire?
Yeah, I was like, I thought she'd like a Coca milon or something like that.
Yeah, what's what's the one like Gabby's dollhouse?
I was expecting. Was not expecting.
Body slams you Like, see you guys, body slams you ash, body slams you, body slams you what? Sometimes you know you get body slamms Like I'm confused.
One of my missus.
I just give a fake laugh. Oh yeah, yeah, but she body slammed you because she she loves the w W. Kick me up and she put me between her legs went boof and Paul drove me into the ground. I'm trying to tell a story here. I'm trying to tell a joke. Brok, I missed it. Sorry, I couldn't tell. Sorry, I couldn't tell.
I'm sorry, Okay, I'm sorry. Very funny, Matthew.
I have to have like a little like Tapper under the table. Oh come on, and I just missed that one. You missed a few anyway.
Body slam I'm just gonna just keep saying it.
Yes, okay, anyway, moving on? What was I think? Yes, so Goodrick slammed. I don't get the joke. I don't get it.
She's seven, oh so like it would take it would take a lot for her to do it well because she's because she you know, you're chatting to a seven year old, and she's like, I'm really missing this joke.
I'll show you my favorite show. And then she just picked up and.
I get it. I do I do.
What was saying is if we went back and I asked the question again instead of her giving me the answer. Yeah, we got there. But anyway, I was like, all right, at the end of the night, we're going to go off and do some adult things like godle gaisina or do whatever. And I was like, oh, I say, a really nice to meet you, and she.
Just goes like John Cena.
See didn't laugh the John Cena wave that he does where he runs his hand in front of his.
Anyway, let's move on.
He really thrown me off. Sorry, that's okay, that's okay. Yes, it was good. It was a good trip overall. I didn't know that was I thought she was blind. No, she's definitely afraid of heights. Man.
Hey, just quickly, just quickly, you met Ann Woods again?
Why am I sweating? Dude? It's a bit warm.
It's a bit warm.
Yeah, go I did.
I ran into Woods you over there. I went in search of him till.
We give you a little podcast, a plug new podcast.
Sure. Yeah, there's something very exciting coming. I'm not leaving here unless you kick me out one doing dad. I feel like I'm in a relationship where I'm allowing my partner to have sex.
With other people. That sounds amazing.
I'm not watching you record with Aaron Woods. You can if you're but I've got a chair.
Did you put a chair in the corner. I'll just sit there in silence watching you guys. You have a podcast.
Yes, it's called NRLs. I don't think we've actually got a name for it yet, so okay, sorry, I shouldn't she should laugh. It's not me that's unorganized, but it sounds about right. It's called nrl ACES. Is it out?
It will?
We are recording next week for the first time, so it could be a mess.
No, I'm sure to be fine. I'm sure.
It's all about football, of course, but it's a bit different because it's more like the armchair expert versus the expert. And then we have a host, which one of you. I am definitely not an expert. I'm an arm chair. I'm the sort of guy who was still on the couch and when like he throws the ball for oh, drops the ball, he goes I would have called that like.
That sort of ship.
Yeah, like that very good. And then we have Renee Gartner who's gonna keep us in line perfect. So that starts next week. I can't wait to watch in the corner in your cutchair. Yeah, beautiful. I have a little update of three things good. Three things I would like to talk to you about. One is just very quick wondering how many hats you have lost at school so far?
None different with boys and girls, I think, okay, go on, okay, because girls have hair and you have to put it into different sort of ponytail and stuff.
The hat doesn't sit right.
No, I don't really do my lace han anymore. She just wants it to be free. You know, she haven't lost this. SAT's terrible for knits, dude. Oh man. The knits don't care if it's in a ponytail or not. Then they're going to attack.
They preference.
The knits won't go oh, hang on a second, that braider. No, no, it's all about the hair moving and touching other people. Who was telling you this? It's science from like what?
Okay? Well, just what report?
I don't know if the top of my head it's from their head last we can figure it out. But I'm pretty sure that's how it works. But anyway, so like it sits quite snug on Oscar's head, right, But I know when I put a hat on Macy, I turn around.
It's like, where's that fucking hat gone? Because it doesn't seem.
We've lost three. We've lost three hat, we've lost three.
She's selling them, dude.
You reckon?
She is well and I'm like, can you go to lost property in check? And she's like, where is that? And I'm like, you have to ask your teacher, ask your teacher where it is? Anyway, three hats and a water bottle. I see, I see how that by secondhand uniforms.
Yeah, five bucks. Yeah, it knew is a fools game.
I know. The hat thing is annoying because I have Oscar's come home with two hats, Kai, come and pick your hat up.
Actually, Molly to come home with a beautiful metal water bottle.
Well that's val you're yeah.
I was like, oh that's that's that's like forty bucks. That's like thirty bucks.
Well I bought the kids water bottle, remember, and they stitched me up. It was like seventy bucks a water bottle from where Smiggle mate Camart came out. Give them the microplastics, they're great. The beach ash Yes, I'm familiar Sands water.
For those of you who made up be familiar, I was I was away in the jungle for a while. You were thirty days plus a week prior, so it was, you know, almost forty days.
You're going a long time.
So I've I've come back and my memory has completely played tricks on me. I've well, I've just I've forgotten how hard parenting is, and I've forgotten activities which make parenting even harder. Beach is one of them beaches that is a minefield. Oh that is like great, great to get out of the house, great to stack up a few hours, great to tie the kids out. But let's be honest here, the beach is an absolute fucking nightmare.
It's look, it's getting ready to go nightmare on the way nightmare, nightmare, getting there, nightmare, parking parking nightmare, just so much gear, getting out nightmare. Then the worst part is getting them in the car full of sand.
Ah And do you know what happened? Yes, BONDI very busy, right, everyone is on top of the It's just like one big orgy on the beach there.
I'm listening.
Just quickly.
What I mean, It depends on how busy the beach is. But what do you think is the appropriate distance between towels.
Like strangers towels. Yeah, oh I think there are man your arm Yeah, so like a meter and a half maybe maybe two meter and then one more of people. They were they were like on each other.
I put my towel down and then the towel is touching my towel, and I don't want to be that guy saying excuse me, but our towers are touching.
Yeah, like that's not allowed.
There's no I don't know.
There shouldn't be any toawl crossover.
No towel cross if you're crossing over someone else's.
Tower, unless the wind accidentally wafts wafts it.
But even even if your towel is close enough to be wafted by the wind over to your towel, that's too close.
Yeah, Like it's a nightmare.
So we're walking down and it's very hard to you know, it's you're trying to like dodge all the people. Don't have the buggy, no time for that. Got the I got the big pram, big pram, load the big pram up, big bag. Then like we have to track from the ramp, drop the pram off, then trek across the beach, and it's it's an arduous journey, you know, you're dodging people.
And I said to one of my children, I don't want to call them out, but I said to them, just be really careful because they're you know, they're not lifting their feet, they're just kicking the sound. Just be really careful. We don't want to kick sound on people. And then one of my children had that information, looked at me, walked up to a woman who was some baking and just kick sand right in her face.
Do you know what that whoever made nameless would have heard you say when you say don't kick sand or they would have heard was Kicksand I was like, that's all they would have heard. Just like just went up went up to why.
I don't know.
I'm like, what is fucking wrong with you?
Just went up to a woman just she was having a great time relaxing on the beach and just got an absolute footful of sand in her face.
And she's there going like what the hell?
I know which child this well?
And then I'm going, I'm so so sorry that was That was not me, that was my wife.
I should have doubled down and just give her a big matty j flipper full of sand.
I was like I want to make peace here anyway, I know which child it was. And then and then also reading between the lines, my children are a really difficult age right now where they've just started to like waves, like before they were petrified of waves. Obviously small waves, they quite like it. But as we're like waist deep in the water, sometimes your odd rogue wave would come, which set, yeah, like a bomb set, which is like
almost head height for my my children. As this bomb set comes, I then moments before impact, I then lift the child up to save them, and that's met with don't fucking touch me, and.
I'm like, I just let him have it.
So dude, after two bomb sets and being yelled at by my daughters.
I'm like, do you know what you can you can cop this? Here's a lesson.
Like this wave came monster wave, like big bomming out the back, and we're only like, well, again waist deep. So it's whitewash at this point, and it comes in and I'm like looking at looking at my daughter, looking at this wave, looking at my daughter, and I'm like, well, you're gonna get what you asked for. Praise for impact, God, steam away. And then like feet are like tumbling in the air. I then I went over and skid them. But I pick them up out of the water, and.
They're like, ah, why didn't you get me? Or it's usually met me. I hate the bitch. I want to go home. I'm like, what do you want? What is it? I can't pick you up, I can't let you get hit by a wave, Like, what do you want from me?
Also just going to say I love my kids, really, I love them. It's like it's they don't know what they want. You're trying to get them out of danger's way. They don't know that that's danger until you've done the right thing.
So then I'm like, I want them to know that the waves can waves are not your friend. Don't underestimate the ocean, dude. Anyway, I came back and I was just like that was well, they just like full of sands. Yeah, they you know, they were hungry and they were you know. Anyway, I did the same thing with Oscar, but on a
on a like a foamy surfboard. He was like, I was pushing onto these tiny it was like I'm talking the size of an iPhone wash just so that you could get yeah, lovely, lovely, and he was like, oh, I want bigger I want a bigger one. I was like, okay, bro, here you go and push him on one like double the size and it just nosed dub flung him. The guy took off the beach. He's just like, I'm like, where are you running? We live that way. Eventually you turn around and came back and then had to go
see mom, hate hate the water, the surfboard. Then I just I continue, I know, yeah, I continue to continue to do the same thing to Macie. But she isn't a big floating jacket. When you're shutting these kids across the beach, this isn't a big floating jacket.
So she just rolled on top of the water.
But yeah, I hate the beach now.
I hate the beach.
Hate the beach. And also to go back to your point about how close the towers are right, yeah, going we're just gone out of school holidays, which you know is a terrible time to go.
To the beach.
It's the time that you want to go and the time that everyone else wants to go. So it's just chaos. We're down the beach nowan beach, and there's a big rock wall and we sit up against the rock wall that there's a lagoon that runs into the ocean and then it goes in and out, in and out.
And it's like a bit rapidly. And then there's also.
Some deeper spots with the kids, but there's not a lot of sand.
For anyone who's unfamiliar. Look at ashes stories on the weekend and you'll see now being like, which is beautiful. Oh, it's lovely when it's gorgeous when it's open. When it's not open, it's like a big stinky puddle. But it's probably like from me to the wall away, there's a couple of meters in terms of sand and where sat here in a spot people sat, you know, and this family with a tent came and sat within ten centimeters of where my feet are, like a full tent, so
they're completely obstructed. Just move in, yeah, just move to my fucking house.
Wives. And they've obstructed the view.
And then the tent that he even moved my towel corner to put the tent.
Come on, bro, come on, like, who has the audacity to move someone else's tower?
Are you kidding me? No? And I said, oh, good thing, we'll leave him.
What did he say. He just laughed, like giggled, like he was like nervous.
How do you where do you get that level of arrogance. It's more like self awareness. Some people have zero self awareness whatsoever. Like just have a scaup of it. You may as well.
You may as well just move into someone's house, like knock on the door, come through with like eski and have lunch in the backyard.
That generation, it's it's like my parents. They will make my parents generation where my mom So I moved into my father in law's house. I don't have told you the story, and Mom goes, do you mind if we park a caravan at the front? I was like, yeah, mum, you want to park a fucking caravan? And I saw at the front of my father in law's house. Have some self awareness, like you have told me this story four times? Yes, sorry, but like that's what I mean.
It's that generation. But I just you talking about the tower and I really got me. I'm going to say on the weekend, the culprit was my age. Oh yeah, it's but it's it's all generations. It's an issue. It's an issue that's been neglected. We have an election coming up. I'm just saying, well, there was that whole cool cabana thing that went mental. I want to I want to the hornet's nest. Taking a cool cabana to the beach is like taking a carport to the beach.
It's the same thing.
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to start doing it because the towe is not strong.
Enough a perimeter.
Build a note that people are disregarding that. Back in my day, the towel was was the perimeter. Like people would look at the towel as being like, that's your land. People disregard the towel. Now no one gives any respect to the towel. People only respect the cool cabana.
You should roll over onto their towel, like, hey.
I started eating their snacks, bring those strawberries over here, but their sun cream started kissing his wife and I was like, yeah, is that.
How you feel? That's how I feel when your towel approaches on my town.
It's the only way they'll learn. One of the things happened as well. It's quite exciting.
It's a big milestone, big milestone in the Johnson Burn household. You no, well, it's exciting because where.
My child is evolving.
In the what she can fly shut up about time she has this is Lola has stopped wearing nappies at nighttime.
Oh, stop wearing nappers at nighttime.
We did a rule where I think we said, if you can do five nights of no wheeze, then dry nappy in the morning.
Yeah, And so every time we have a dry nappy it was like whoo.
Like big celebration, big song and dance. She was really excited. And then and also said a lot of money. Nappies aren't cheap. Oh yeah, and it's a bloody nightmad terrible for the environment. Not that that's stopped me using them. Shout out to anyone who uses cloths no, because funck that that's for that love the environment?
Though?
What about it is when I had a kid, my sister was like I was the first out of my siblings to have a kid that she was like, going to use resalp and I'm like no, She's like, do you know how bad they are to the environment? The other one like the ones you buy. And now she's got a niece and I said, did you use resal apps?
Like I want to talk about it.
But also like look at the mines that you know, they're digging up Australia, Like, you know, it's over.
Fuck it. Whether I'm using a Huggy's nappy or not makes we keep.
Trying to get to net zero. We're setting unachievable goals. Let's go the other way. Don't put the pressure on the parents, put the pressure on the mining company.
Yeah, let's go the other way. Please met one hundred.
But yeah, we are. We decided this is going to be it. No nappies at nighttime. I'm loving that, which is like, you know, it's a bit it's like my little my little girls growing up now at every every turn, they're growing up. But then like first night no nappies, pissed the bed. But it worked out perfectly because she rolled off the bed and then Pete, there's a little rugs she peed on the run.
Yeah, pit on the rug.
So she was like.
Daddy and I went up there and she's like, I need to get changed.
And I was like, this is a great result because the time it takes to change the bed, they then wake up even more.
Everyone is pretty much awake.
Yeah, And I was like, I'll just put a towel down and drive that rug right up, beautiful, it's fine, love that It's fine. But then Lola started doing this thing.
Is she still heavy on the waters?
She does? Okay?
Her sleep routine is a bit strange. Okay.
So she has a water bottle but has to have it hot yep, Okay, Well, there's a certain temperature it has to be not too hot to touch. She almost has it as a comforter. So she wants a warm water bottle when she sleeps, right, that's rule number one. Yeah, okay, rule number two. This has only started happening since I've been away. She doesn't have a pillow anymore. She's very particular with her senses.
So there's three issues my wife would call them.
Yeah, So she doesn't have a pillow. She has like one of those soft felt blankets which is folded up in the shape of a pillow. That's what she sleeps on. Right, it's rule number two.
That's weird.
So rule number one, just to reiterate hot water bottle, which is a water bottle. Well number two, blanket, pillow. Rule number three, she sleeps on her block of cement. She can't use a duvet as.
Agree to disagree. That's another argument. So she now gets going on this one. Then now just.
Has a a crocheted blanket. And when she has the crocheted blanket like Nana's blanket, Nana's blanket. When she has on her it has to be up to her like her shoulder, Oh my god, and then has to be completely flat like all the edges all around.
It's a vampires are.
She sleeps on a side. Yeah.
If there's any ripple in the blanket, she's like, there's a ripple, yeah, and have to.
Have to smooth out the blanketed fuck.
Kid's a weird. Hey, yeah, that's that's my daughter.
They are how they are weird. You can't well, that is all weird. All of those things are all weird. I don't know what you want to say.
So that's how she sleeps now, And I'm like, do I start to push back on these things?
No?
Do I just unless you want to lose some sleep, do I just take the path of this resistance. Luckily she'll if the blanket raffles up in the middle of the night, she's fine, but going to sleep. She still got the dummy, yeah, yes, and that's also everyone before the dummy. Still we'll get next week. Get where the dummy again. I remember what happened last night.
But yeah, it's weird. They pick up these little.
Bits and pieces like they comfort things. Right, they all have like oh, they doesn't really have that. She's Lola because I had I've busted Macy.
Actually I busted she's been busted.
So like all of our kids books, right, because we read a book before we go to.
Bed part of the bedtime routine. She just make this episode about bedtime.
All about laying down and so, you know, read a book. But she also likes to then take the book we've read to bed. I have no problems with that, but I had noticed over like a few months that every book has bits.
Of it missing.
She rips out pages, he rips out the flaps, he rips out I love full pages, just bits of something like maybe you know when you're like a kid and you're like, oh I love this from a magazine and you keep it or whatever like sort.
Of like that.
And I was like, but I couldn't. I couldn't find the bits. She's eating them, That's what I thought. I thought she's fucking eating the paper.
And I kept like.
Just trying to catch us, like eh, but she'd just be like. Anyway, she's got a bed full of books and all the half the pages are missing, and I was like, what's going on here?
Anyway?
She she's still in a nappy and she leaked through the nappy and it was quite a big one, so it was like it went through multiple layers of sheets and whatever. So I've moved the bed and little behold, I have found the nest the nest and I want to show you please because the video is quite funny.
Love it.
Your hair clip? Now, come and show me what you've watched rhy on your bed. She's grown up. Oh what's that? From back here to get away? She's been sprung and she's just like shit, I know, I just gaining this real attitude. Yeah, she's grown up.
She is like turningto like she's so funny now.
Anytimes she does anything instead of like facing the music, she just goes so rude and you can't get cranky with her because she just says it's so cute.
Where did they get that from? It must be a daycad thing, so funny.
Yeah, she'ld be like she does this thing now and she's like, oh, come on, man.
She's wait years.
You haven't seen her in ages, waiting to see she's like a completely different yea child, Yeah, that's funny. She is very cute anyway, So the books are all fucked in my house and it's because of Mazy. But we've now we've stopped with like, we're like, you can have one book, but as soon as you RiPP a page books on, Matt.
I have some good news. What's that.
We have brought back a segment from last year called Parenting Lies. Play the music, Tell Me Love, tell Me Yes, that's a banger. It's been a while, it has been a while.
And exciting news off the back of for those of you who maybe have not been following us for a while. We did a kid's book last year. We got some soft toys made. Oh yes, they came very late from China. The book is now pretty much like finished, but we've got like one hundred and fifty.
It means we've got things to give away, Matt.
So if you have any parenting lies and they get read out on this podcast, we will send you. You have the choice of a Maddie j or an ash Doll. We will send it to you. So telling lies your kids may reward them by giving them a sof toy, and like.
The thing is with giving them one each, we're going to figure out.
Who's the most popular.
Yes, yeah, it's like we've got a We've got a whole box of ashes here. Yeah, we've got no Matt's Lola loves ashy Bashi because he's got the red hat.
Loves the red win over every time. Do you want to start it? Would you let me to start?
Yes, I've got one here. This one is from Lauren. Hi Lauren, She says, congratulations, she's got a soft toy. Ah yeah, just like that. That's how it's done. That's how it works.
When I was a kid, my dad told me that our cat had run away.
Very sad.
That's horrible, And she goes, I only recently found out, now that I'm in my thirties, that he accidentally ran it over in the car. Oh so he'd been I lie, that had lasted decades, Oh a bit.
The Dad's like, fuck, I thought I got away with that. I used to have a bird and my nan was looking after the bird while when we moved away, and she said, oh so I died of like bird cancer. I should have known when she said bird cancer I should have known that. I later on in life found out that she hit it over the head with a brick. Why because it was sick and I just wanted to suffer anymore. Okay, she's old school. She buried in the backyard.
It was yeah, okay, anyway, bird cancer, fuck it dumb was iron like brick cancer.
Thank you. Okay, you're like, thank god. She could have body slammed it.
Body slammed it.
That body's learned the brick onto earth.
Funny, get get out a better joke. Body slammed the bird. I would have taken pile driver. I want to take an armbar.
When the bird was dead, she goes, yeah, she was like doing the hand in front of the face. For those of you who are listening, yes.
Not watching, I forget that. It's not the visual medium. Okay.
This one's from Anonymous, whose Anonymous messages these days.
Anonymous says, strange name, birth name.
We have a toothless man living in our drain to stop the girls playing with the shower. Why does he do? They're gonna go with so many other things. They could have been like teeth. They're like, there's a man in the train. They're like, so it's like who's it could have been like he's he's horribly disfigured, or like anything else. He's got one eye but terrible breath.
My husband told our kids, who's this from?
Oh?
Is this from Emma?
Oh? Congratulations? One day Ashdahl ash Pick Maddie j. She says, my husband told our kids, who were two and four, for those playing at home, that if they get out of better bedtime, Roro, who was the robot vacuum cleaner, would get them. So now when they go to bed, they have to say good night to Roro and remain in bed at all times.
Is part of the family.
I used to have an electric vacuum we called her NeSSI because the place was messy and Nessie would come and clean. It didn't work though she was stuck on the couch all the time.
Useless. This is from Sarah.
She tells her kids that they have to close the park at midday to clean it for the afternoon visitors. Very good, classic, that's just a well thought out lie. Mainly especially if you've got kids like Macy still naps. She's was useless and it's like trying to get them home, like they got to shut the park.
We can come back after your nap for repairs.
How good it be if you could just leave your leave where everything you're playing with, go, have an apple, come back and tall clean again.
That'd be great. The dream that is the dream. We have one quick question as before we go. One quick question and also for those of you who do have any parnenting questions, submit it, throw it our way, Ash, and I will give you our unprofessional opinion on it. This one is actually a personal question of mind, Ash, that I will ask you off the back of some recent activities.
When does it feel on it?
When does it become standard practice for birthday parties to be drop and go?
The food, you drop and go, You drop the.
Kids off, drop the kids off, and you drop the kids off obviously you get out of the car.
Its like dropping off for school.
You get out of the car, you hand them over and give them the gift, and you come back in two hours and the party's finished.
But don't have to be older.
We're there, were you're there, We're there at the point where we're having we're now having drop and go birthday parties. If if if April was like we gonna have a birthday party's gonna dropp and go. I'm like, no, I'm not looking I'm not taking care of ten kids on my own.
Well it's not you, it's but if it was me, I wouldn't be honest. Let's be honest. You're not looking after anybody.
I'm looking after me. Well, actually jurors out on that.
Dropping go so okay, So dropping with a present, yeah, and off you go?
You the house or at both?
Dude, both we've had We've had two birthday parties where it's been optional. It's been optional for you to stay as a parent.
I did not know that was a thing.
I wasn't sure, Like what are the benchmarks? Like how do people decide? Is it like at six or seven? Is that when parties become drop and go? What is the rule here? I have no idea, like I said, like, I.
Mean, I love it. It's great you drop a kid out. I want some time off. I'll be like king for an extra hour. I don't worry about it.
It's like it's nice a sleepover.
It's not time and my dad, my dad, this is a bush. It's like, I don't know, I feel like you having to drop. No, you're not had a single drop and go part that I am aware of, right, I don't go to the parties.
April does the party thing.
It's a it's a lot of small talk, and I suck at that. You're very good.
No, I'm rude. I'm not I'm vulgar. I'm just like, hey, how about that penis.
One thing's for sure, you're not laughing anyone else's jokes at the party.
I don't make it a Yeah I do.
I love for good jokes, all right, But like as as I'm all for the being the dropper, but being the being the host, I would be like, you're not going anywhere if you drop your kids off to me and be like, where the fun yoga again? Rag, get back in here. Power. If I'm in here, you're in here too.
So you're like, you'll have like a sixteen seventeen year old birthday party for usc I'm macy, and you'll be like parents must stay revising their kids at all.
Time because we're going to have the most fun most likely at that age.
But like, yeah, no, not for.
Me, okay, I reckon from the age of six.
I don't think drop and go parties should be considered considered as long as I'm not hosting considered.
Yeah, I can agree with you, Ash. We have to get out of here make good time today.
We'll also just say that we announced last week the calendars. We donated three thy, five hundred and fourteen dollars to rise up. We still do have some calendars left. We have a few.
We also have other things left coming out.
Oh yeah, Also we're selling a lot of things at the moment.
Everything must go at this table.
You like it on saying watching the videos on socials, you can have it for yours two hundred bucks.
That's cheap.
We are currently wearing T shirts. Yours is white. I might just move not required because people are listening right now and can't see anything.
Oh but very considerate of you, Thank you you. I'm thinking about the people right so sorry. They will become available to purchase. We don't know when exactly we will, Okay, we want to say a week when this comes out. The maximum time from when this podcast comes out and the shirts will be on sale will be a week. Let's say a maximum is a week, hopefully fingers crossed less than that.
Less than that. Yeah, they're great, they're comfortable.
But just follow us on social media, and as soon as they're available, we will let you know. We don't have that many. We've got about fifty.
We have a price on them. We get about a hundred.
I don't know, I'm to like there's only two of them. We've got four thousand in a warehouse. We've got four thousand calendars, four thousand. We've just got a warehouse with things that no wants to buy.
We've listen to this episode.
We're given away toys, we're given away calendars, and now we're trying to give away a tea shirt. We're about to buy fifty thousand person rugs as well. You know, there's like bags of rags at Budding.
It's just all two Notting Dad shirts.
Of us on social media and they will be aable very shortly.
Yeah, So if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, five stars, maybe some words, or you can join us where Matt.
Two Dotting Dads on Instagram, on TikTok, and there's a Facebook group as well.
The Facebook group is all right, it's.
Lit, and thank you for everyone that does post in there and get involved and all of the nice messages that I've got over the last twenty four or forty eight hours.
How does that feel?
It feels pretty good. I feel like a hero.
That's BEAUTU you should it was, that's great.
Thank you. If I haven't gotten back to you, which is probably nine to nine percent of the messages, it's not sorry you've got add it's because I'm lazy, I'm unmotivated. Your diagnoes. Now you can use that as an excuse. I don't like abusing an excuse, but I will to the bitter end anyway, must go because I have eightyhde like.
Two.
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