Matthew, how would you describe parenting? It is hell?
Oh my god. It is painful, it is exhausting, it's relentless. But can I also have to say I love my kids, love my kids. It's great. Wouldn't change for the world, but it's it's a world of hell.
Well said Well.
Comedian Becky Lucas would explain it probably the same, but she loves it.
At least I'm not alone Becky Lucas, she is one of Australia's favorite comedians.
Yes, she was the first Australian female comedian to feature on Conan O'Brien.
I think the worst thing about your parents getting divorce is that they move into two different houses and then you, as the kid, has to move from house to house. I remember being little thinking why can't I stay here? And you guys move to me, and I'm like, why am I five years old learning how to roll my socks to fit more room in the suitcase because dad kiss a woman at a party. Now I get there, he's like, oh, you forgot your toothbrush. I'm like, dull, you forgot your wedding bells?
And it's quite an achievement. Now, Becky, she is a mum and boy. It is tough, but it is also one of the best things in the world. Gosh, Becky and I were so alike. We're soight wh're is the same person? Both hilarious? Right Ash?
Oh yeah? Absolutely.
Parenting for Becky has been a bit of a roller coaster since a son was born. Little George was born with a heart condition that meant that we have to go to open heart surgery before his first birthday. Becky feels like those early days of motherhood were robbed from her.
Look.
It can be tough for a comedian to share a vulnerable story of their life, but this is one that is incredibly heartfelt and we're so thankful that Becky felt comfortable to share the story with us today.
Yeah, let's get into it.
Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. I am Maddie, Jane, I'm Ash and I'm Becky.
Lucas nailed your own name.
Sorry for stuffing up the intro.
I think it shows a sense of fun. We're all This is.
A podcast all about parenting, Becky. It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable. And if you come for advice, not us, not now, not never, but maybe from you.
Maybe, uh huh.
We just have to put that there legally, okay, trouble okay, but you're allowed to give advice if you've got some.
Okay.
Now, my question was yeah, and I hate to be so goddamn cliche.
Hey, don't overthink it.
But you're from Brisbane. I'm from Brisbane. You asked before if I went to Marris what school did you go to?
I went to Brisbane State High What does that mean? So you're a don't you I'm not an athlete. I just lived in the catchment.
Because a comedian. Yeah, I was like, I heard comedy is going to be in the Olympics. Well it was. It was break dancing, but we're going to have it in the next Olympics. No, I made it up.
Come on, Jesus, the jungle has fried? You are you seem like so we allowed to mention the jungle.
It was televised. It's over I know.
But what I feels like sensitive, he's just like sensitive about his time.
Still I'm coming to terms of like what just happened.
He still has the night terrorists during the day there and be like.
The bathroom for one second, come out crying and I'm like, did you do the post?
I feel like every time there's a celebrity that goes into the jungle, they always do a post being like we saw these amazing leopards and like, did you do that? I did, because I just feel like every celebrity has to pretend like, yeah, like I was in there for this, but also the amazing leopards and.
Your friend goes away for like a month and like, yes, I lived in London for a month.
Yeah, South Africa for like a month.
In my defense, I took the kids on the safari and they saw actually there was two cheaters who just killed an antelope. Oh my god, and the thing was.
Like so speaking that local language.
And this thing was so mangled. It was so mangled, and the kids were like, my kids are five and four, like what's wrong with it. I was like, it's just sleeping. And then these two cheaters are gnawing at it and.
They're like make it stop, and I was, my god, it's a jungle massage.
I did see a couple of zebra.
Try.
Yeah.
I feel like we sometimes try to get a bit of a read on our guests.
Maybe you'll never know me, you will never know. You can try, you can try, but you'll never know me.
Did you ever get suspended from school?
Yes, but I will say this, it was an in school suspension. Yeah, I know, I know, but it's really smart because if you get suspended, you're just at home with all your things. But in school suspension you just had to sit outside the office for five days.
Like medieval times. Being on show, you're like one of those things too.
Like a hanniballeto mask, and I got it for smoking cigs in the toilet, Yeah, which is funny. It'd be funny if someone put a sig through the hannibal leto mask.
Give a hip. What was your thinking behind smoking cigarettes in the toilet?
Just actually liked cigarettes? Yeah, My thinking was like I like to do this, and I'm going to do this.
Was it the little lunch or the big lunch?
It might have even been like during class.
Nice you have.
It's kind of funny because it's not even like, oh, this naughty thing we're planning to do. I'm like just actually stressed out from class and need my little genuinely stressed out.
And then how did you get caught?
I was stopped on I actually can't remember bridge it with.
My I honestly, I didn't think you would have been type of person.
Yeah, I was smoking. It was more that's the only time he was suspended.
I think, So there were other times where it was like threatened or whatever. But yeah, I was like, I wouldn't say I was a naughty kid, but I did get swept up in the moment.
Yeah, who was the disciplinary one at hunt? Who have parents?
Thank you for actually bringing that up. Okay, I guess I guess my fractured home life kind of contributed to Yeah, it's like but disciplinary. I don't know, Like I guess both my parents were disciplinarian in a way. But there is something about them being separated where you never truly have to answer to anyone too much, Like you can always stories can be you know, you can kind of play parents. Yeah, Like if I was ever in trouble, I could always just gossip about Dad to mom. You know,
She's like, where on your homework? I'm like, I don't know, but do you know what Dad said the other He said, this is a really weird thing, and she's interested. So I could always which I think kind of is bad. Like I do think I gossip a lot now because I grew up being able to yeah.
Dad's good and your girlfriend yeah yeah, quickly change.
That will always be a bit interested in a tidbit of your life.
I'll blame having an older sister from my last gossip. Yeah, I'm like, guess, guess what, ash you do love gossip?
There's always something, you know how evolutionary things always get people out of bad behavior, like I don't know, you'll you'll or something like, well, gossip was actually an evolutionary tool because it was the collition of the information about the mob and the tribe and you were just trying to like survive, and it's like not used a piece of shit, but you can like use these things like oh, it's actually about survival. It's because I'm a woman and gossip's my only tool in the tribe.
And before they had.
Delivered thing, they just gossiped its way like Chinese whispers the next person.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway, let's get back on track.
Okay, sorry, I am a mother. Let's get more into Yah.
So your son is currently with your sister.
Yeah, my sister Hannah, who's twenty two, and she's awesome, but yeah, she we drove here and the windscreen wipers were on the whole time and she just didn't notice.
Oh fuck, like she just.
Yeah, she's kind of she was awesome, but like saying, she just doesn't Yeah, she's not aware.
Between you and her, like, yeah, not to point that out, sorry, but she's quite young.
And I'm quite.
Going back to the divorce parents, is this?
Yeah, second family? I'm Sorryron, simply two half two half eas Yeah.
That's enough of that. That's enough questioning for me. I just want to get the whole picture.
Okay, what else do you want to do?
I'm sorry for Ash, That's okay, that's all right, He's uh, I get it, take it away, keep going.
I was going to say, okay, so why't.
Ask about the parents, the divorce parents. I want to know about about Chris, my boyfriend. Yes, okay, what do you want to know?
Boy?
Yeah?
What did you meet?
We met at a party through a friend. What it was. He was having a party at his house.
He was having the party you just said a party, not his party.
It was his party. And I was with some friends actually the boys from the Buttuda Advocate and my friend Lovely Boys, my friend, my friend Dixie I just arrived and at first sight for me maybe and Chris, what do you think, he's just really hot. It's a bit of acause mostly that it's a power play as well. It's his house, his party. Yeah, he's got the upper hand, do you reckon? I kind of think arriving to the
party is a bit of upper hand. I think hosting a party in a very weak position really a little bit because you're worrying about how the party is going to go, your toilets being people taking big dumps, ship people are doing it.
You walked down and you like took a big ship in the hay.
I'm in control, I have the upper hand. Don't go in there.
You kind of think like it's my party, I got pick of the birds.
But then that is true, that is true. I think you could make a case either way. I think there is a vulnerability in having a party because like if it's a if it's a failure, that's embarrassing and people are kind of using your house just however they want, and you're the one that has to be like, guys, can you not get there?
Yeah?
You have to be a bit a bit of a sort of what's the word anal attentive.
Yeah, i'd I can't do I can't host events.
Because I'm just yet. It's just too anxious, and you're worried about who's talking to who and who's having a good time, and like, I'm just out of my mind the whole time.
Who was spearheading the conversation about starting a family?
Yeah, isn't it mostly the woman? I feel like men don't.
It's a good question.
Men don't know that they want it until it happens. Like he was very like, he was like, yeah, it'd be cool, and then I sort of pushed it down the track. And then even like when I was pregnant, like he was obviously excited and everything, but it felt like he went but I made all the decisions about what prem we're getting. I could really barely get him. But I do feel like, yeah, he didn't care about
all of that stuff or maybe couldn't conceptualize it. And then as soon as the baby was in front of him, it was like, which you guys probably remember that feeling of like can't really conceptualize and then it's there and he just could not stop crying. Really, and he's not a crier at all. He was crying so much, Like our baby had to go to nick You for a few days because he inhaled a lot of liquids and he was okay, like he was stable and everything, Like
he was really just there for monitoring. And my boyfriend cried so much that the nurse in nick You was like, hey, man, are you okay? It's like the place where the most crying happens. He still was crying more than anyone. Yeah, Like he just could not believe happiness, like absolutely overwhelmed by the love, and ever since then has been so much more involved than any Like, you know, we can talk for so long about like, oh, I think we should buy this type of food and I think this
and he looked like he's pooh. Was like he just went from being yeah, I couldn't get him really interested to yeah, that's all we talk about. He's obsessed.
That's the dream though, right, But you would want that as opposed to you being like, can you please just change an happy?
Yeah? No, he's the best, dat he's awesome.
Where do you think that reluctance came from?
It?
Just I just think I don't know. I mean, I think it's kind of a cultural thing. Like people are very anti natalist, you know, Like I do think there's a bit of anti baby sentiment in the air, and I don't know what came first. I'm like, is it because it's harder for people to is it the breakdown of society where it's like people aren't earning enough money to have a baby, or like they're not you know, it's harder to meet a life partner, and so you just kind of take on this attitude of like babies.
I don't know, I do feel like there's a bit of that.
I think it's a bit of a there's two sides that there's one side of people being like it is amazing, like it's life changing, I have purpose, and the other side where it's like rule my life. Yeah I can't do anything anymore.
But like both like every day I'm like this is fucked, and then I'm in the same day I'm I've never smiled more in my life, Like it's just the joy is crazy. But it's every day I'm like, what have I done?
Is wrong?
It is you know we were talking about this before where it's like like you can't truly love something all the time.
No, You're like, yeah, you're like, oh.
This is amazing, and then you're like then they like smash a glass off the thing, and you're like.
Yeah, yeah, totally absolutely, but it's such an exercise. And like, like, I had a friend the other day who doesn't want kids, and he was talking about how he took all day to make a sandwich and I was I had just had no sleep and it was just so like just to get to this place where we were going heading up for a gig, it was just so much, baby, and I'm like struggling, hunched over zips, like just your
whole day so hard. And he said, like he was describing making this sandwich all day and then he kind of was like, oh, sorry because he knows how hard my day is. But in my mind, I'm like, no, don't be sorry, Like I'm I love even though it's I was complaining. I love doing this for my son. Yeah, and like I get to see him, like I saw him see a rainbow for the first time, and it's like it's all worth it.
It's like watch my son see a rainbow for the first time and that moment, or make a sandwich all day.
Like yeah, yeah, it sounded pretty good. Actually, but yeah, it is. It's a funny, it's yeah. I guess it's also designed perfectly, like because before you do it, you just don't know how good it is. So like people who haven't done it or don't want to do it, they'll never feel that. So it's kind of good.
You don't know what you don't know.
Yeah, you don't know what you don't know. But yeah, it is fucked for pregnant, like not as easy as I assumed. Maybe I think we tried like five months. Oh wow, so yeah, like I thought it would be boom, but five months. It's not as long. I know, like other people have that much.
Yeah, will you spend your twenties trying not to get pressured exactly and then when you try and get pregnant like oh wow, this is actually.
Yeah, I've had a lot of common Why is this not taking? They always made it out like like just one of them was gonna be like and I'm like, well.
Millions, it's sort of like if you're throwing off ship at the wall, something's going to stick, right, That's what comes.
I'm imagining Betty just like covered in like sick, Something's going to stick.
Yeah, Chris, is there like nothing else.
Like Matt from the Jungle.
When Chris found out, was he on board or was Yeah.
Like immediately was really happy. But I just think before then didn't have the drive that I did, Like, wasn't as alongside me as I would have wanted. But I just I don't know whether it was hormonal or whatever, but I was like, it's happening, and I just knew he'd love it once he did it.
Yeah, was it an easy pregnancy.
It was physically, but we had a like we had a pretty hectic time. At my seventeen week scan, it was actually it was earlier. I maybe had an earlier scan at like fourteen weeks. So I'm really bad at talking, seriously, I feel it's a new skill to like talk earnestly, Like, especially as a comedian, you just always want to get laughed.
So you're like, oh, they accept me, so to speak covered and come exactly, and then you laugh and I'm like, Okay, everything's all good, and now I have to be earnest and no. So at my fourteen week scan, the lady sort of couldn't see all of the heart, but she didn't seem worried. She was like, oh, it's just really small and he's in a weird position. So come back in a few weeks. So I didn't think anything of it. That my GP was like, that's normal. So I went
back at seventeen weeks like happy as Larry. Everything up until then had been perfect, perfect, perfect, So I just never thought anything of it. And then she was doing the scan and this lady wasn't saying anything, and I was like, can you see what you're looking for? And she said, oh, I think I can. I'm just going
to get the obstetrician to talk to you. And so then it was just like like the worst feeling I've I actually haven't talked about his phages but and so then I got put into a little room for fifteen minutes by myself, and the obstetrician walked in and just pushed the tissues towards me. You're kidding, yeah, And she said it's not good news, and I started crying, and she basically started describing what it was, but never kind of got into like you just want information, Like I
was like, so does this what does this mean? Like am I so we have to terminate it or whatever? And she said, we just don't know she's actually quite strange as an obstitution, Like this lady. She because when I was crying, she goes, Oh my god, she goes, this is actually the worst part of my job.
I was like yeah.
I was like, okay, sorry, why do we.
Do the best? Yeah?
Right, So she was like, he has this thing called I suspect he has this thing called Tetralogy of Fallow. And it's I know, it's called Tetralogy of Fallow.
The things I know.
I wish it was more simple because no one can remember it. It sounds like a JR. Tolkien novel or something, but it's it's like there's four things that have gone wrong with the heart, so they only need to correct too, and that's the whole, and there's the valve. But the thing is it can be a sign of other abnormalities.
So I didn't know whether I was going to have what he had had genetic abnormalities, and we would have to terminate at like twenty weeks, which would have been so horrible anyway, So we went in at twenty weeks and had everything done and they were like, no, he's actually completely healthy and normal except for this thing. And they said it was actually funny because a lot of like I got a lot of comfort from the women who were like, it's okay, darling, everything's going to be fine.
We have so many kids who come in with this gets fixed. And I liked that kind of caring, feminine reassurance. Whereas my boyfriend, who's half Chinese, doesn't like all of that very fairy talk. And he loved the doctor because the doctor was this Chinese guy, this little guy called doctor guy, and he just looked at it and he said, we can fix, we can fix, and he's like, it's fine,
I fix all the time. It's fine outset. Yeah, And like my boyfriend like enjoyed a Chinese man who knows what he's talking about, like assuring us of and so, yeah.
At least you had both ends of the spectrum, like you have your self touch of the you had like the firmness of the Chinese doctor.
So totally everyone's covered. Yeah, And so they do. They f it's kind of their bread and butter surgery. There's literally today would be two three kids right now at Westmead getting it done. It's like something that they'd fix a lot, but it is something that to fix, to fixate its open heart surgery. Yeah on a baby.
Yeah, sorry, baby, not a child.
And so this is all happened like so this is before I've had the baby. So they're all very confident and like we fix it all the time. And they make me feel like, you know, back to the pregnancy, just you know, he's healthy and like we'll fix it and these are all the steps. But you know, I'm reading things online and there's a big spectrum and there's
people who've had a really terrible time with it. But I also think you have to remember when you're reading stuff online, the sort of person who posts in online forums is a very anxious person usually, do you know what I mean? Like, so, yeah, anyway, so I just tried to be positive and stuff, and then I had the baby and it's suddenly like, oh, they're going to
do this to my baby. And so that then became like I had been quite positive and like it's fixable, blah blah blah, and then suddenly it was like, but what if it's not and what if something goes wrong? And then I had this little baby?
How long until they have the surgery?
So they didn't know. So the heart kind of takes a little while to settle when the baby's born, Like there's a few little vowels and stuff that open and shut just in general, so they just had to see how it all settled and then keep an eye on it, and then they would decide based on how much oxygen he's getting and everything. So when he was born, they said probably around in six months. We had a surprise
hospital visit. They can go blue. They go blue when the valve gets constricted, and it can happen like if they're having a big crying fit or whatever. So that just added because they cry. So when he would cry, like normal people are freaking out, but I'm freaking out because I'm worried he's going to go blue. So like all of my anxieties were just so heightened. But then I also had a really normal experience, like whenever I talk to other mums, we were dealing with the same thing,
but I just had such an extra worry. And then we had a hospital stay that was unexpected. He had a blue spell during one of his checkups and then it was suddenly like we're getting rushed to Westmead Hospital
and we were there for a week. And I don't know if you've ever been on a ward with a child, It's just like I had a little You have to put them to sleep, and there's six other babies screaming, and then it's a nightmare and the nurses come in, so you just I just get him to sleep, and then the nurse would come in and take his blood pressure and he'd wake up screaming, and I'd get him settled, and another baby would wake up screaming, and I just didn't sleep for the entire I felt like I was
in hell. There was a woman next to me and her little girl, Huffsa. She had a little girl and she was coming down off she'd just had heart surgery and she was recovering and she was in delirium. So her little girl screamed for like twenty three hours of twenty four hours. They couldn't do anything, and then they and then there's like hell, yeah, and that happened to my son as well.
I've never heard never I know that.
Yeah, Well, hope that's a good thing.
Yeah, I get like, like for them to scream, do they explore what, like why they screamed so much?
They just so not all of them.
Get screaming delirium. My son went cross eyed, which was actually I'm laughing now, but I it wasious, like it was fucked. I was so upset because no one knew what was going on either. They were like, we don't really know why he's doing that. We can do a brain scan tomorrow, and I'm like, please don't talk about We've just done the heart. I know, because the whole time it's been like, you know, with the brain, that's
that's very scary. It so seems so unknown. But with the heart, like even though it's horrific, it's a pump, like it's mechanical. They can fix it. Like my midwife would always say, like he's got a pumbing issue, but we can fix it. And that kind of calmed me down, is there?
And this is like a confronting question, So apologies to ass but you know, you think all the feedback you're getting from the medical staff is that this is fixable and this is not something that we haven't dealt with before, we have experience here. But at the same time, open heart surgery is full on in your head. Are you also trying to manage expectations of like I wanted to go well, but things might not work out. I know, where's your head at? Leading into that five months.
I was just so mental because yeah, it's like how
do you love? I loved this thing that I felt also like he could be taken from me, and like they would talk about, you know, they have to tell you what they're going to do in the surgery and I never wanted to be told, but you know, they have to break his sternum and his blood is outside of his body, he's they stop his heart as a five month old like this, and he was you know, I know everyone thinks their baby special, but like he just is so full of life and so happy, and
like I couldn't. Yeah, there was. It was very tough because I felt like I had to confront his death all the time. Like I just felt like every day I had to think, like every time he smiled or did something, I was like, you might die. And it almost made me scared of him, like like I was
scared of his weakness. And I also think other people were were a little bit too, because we always It's like when people talked about him, they always said like, look how strong he is it, look how big and tough he is, And it was almost like are we saying this? Because to love him being weak, it's like, can we not love him as a weak baby? Like, yeah, he has to show how strong he is in every other way, do you know what I mean? And I like, yeah, exactly.
For you to be like, well, it's like everything's okay, and it's like it's not.
And even like when he was recovering from the open heart surgery, he didn't recover as quickly as they had predicted. He actually caught COVID somehow during operation or just after, and yeah, so he was under sedation for longer and it was a scary time, but the doctors and the nurses were like, it's okay, he's recovered ring Like he's taking his time, and he's recovering at the pace he needs to. He doesn't have to recover perfectly, you know, and.
Like everyone recovers from yeah, and that includes a five month old baby totally.
And I think, yeah, we had had this whole narrative of like, oh, he's so tough, he's going to kick surgery and the balls, and like it's actually like it's actually okay that he didn't and he's still lovable. So yeah, it was a very tough time. Like I was it was weird because yeah, in so many ways I had a you know, he was a normal baby, and but I just could not enjoy it in the same way. And I like, really, it feels like life has started now.
Yes, so the lead up to the surgery, not knowing when it's going to happen, I suppose they.
Said yes, but then we did lock it in. Okay, So after that hospital stay that the surgeon was like, let's just lock it in. We'll do it. And the lead up is just I mean, I lost my mind. I was just like I would walk around crying, weeping in public, like I don't know you, I just it was just so sad. So I'm going to cry. It's so funny that I was talking about being having come but yeah, it's it's like a it's oh my god, it's embarrassing. I mean, yeah, obviously it's a sad topic.
But he's really good now, Like he's really he's really strong. He's actually already.
Lifting other than you waiting for surgery or is it normal?
Like everything is well?
They tell me, like they they're like, yeah, he can do everything. He needs to check up every year for the rest of his life and he will need when he's older, like when he goes through puberty, they will need to put another valve in. That's the main thing. But the surgeon seems to think that they won't have to do open heart again, that they can do most of these things via catheter. So I'll always worry, like I'll just always freak out. And he's so active and
sometimes I'm like, just chill, chill. Yeah, i just want him to be a ballet dancer or something. I wanted to be athletic, but like not contact sport. Yeah, And I'm just scared that he was going to want to play rugby. And because there's a fame that you do know, Sean White, the Olympic snowboarder, he has tetralogy A fellow really yeah, so he needed like three open heart surgeries.
Before the age of five, flying in the air like twenty feet out of our heart.
Yeah. And like he you know, did football and like they can definitely do apparently whatever other kid does.
I will not tell George that George reading.
Yeah, I'm like, You're going to just live with mummy, Like you.
Know, when you go through that traumatic experience as a parent and you come out the other end. And we spoke before about the fact that parenting is amazing, but those are moments are matched with moments where it's exhausting, it's relentless, it's so bloody hard. Do you ever get guilt your life?
You know?
I thought I might lose you.
Yeah, and you're pissing me on Yeah, yeah, totally. And then and then that's even harder because I'm like, I'm not even allowed to have the normal experience of being pissed off at your kids. Yeah, it does feel like I was it almost the different ways in which I feel I've been robbed emerge like I don't even I wasn't even prepared, Like he's he's not a great sleeper,
but only because we are. You know, for the first six months of his life, they said, don't let him cry too much because he might go blue and lose oxygen. And then he has his heart fixed, and they're like, yep, he's good. His heart's like fixed. You can let him scream his head off, but that's a very hard thing for us to do.
We don't want to do that.
So because of that, he just runs rings around us, like we just do whatever he wants, like yeah, which you know, probably isn't good for him. Like, I know that I need to teach him to sleep, and that will require me like dealing with my own anxiety around his health for his own sake. But that's just really hard to do. And yeah, I just feel angry sometimes that I can't even do I can't do that, Like, but yeah, I.
Don't know what does a sleep team look like for you guys?
Well, just he does what he wants. We kind of cater to that, and no, we tried to. You know, he has his stories and his toys and stuff. We're slowly getting him to learn to fall asleep without the boob. But I fed to sleep just for every Yeah, it's easy, and you know, I'm like, he's been through so much, Like I'll give him some titty, Yeah, given the boob when they love it, it's like who am I to take it from him? And you can always find someone to justify it.
But I think every parent. We have another friend who's got a baby that doesn't sleep, and the dad is like, I just can't if the baby's sleeping, Like I've just got to go in there, and you know that you're doing a disservice to the baby. But You're like, we used to rock Marley to sleep every single nap she had and then transition into a car like we were.
We gave her like a life of pure luxury and so then when it was time for her to like fend for herself, she was like, yeah, you've You've held my hand every step of the way, and now you can let go.
Transition is like it's like handling an explosive.
You're like, and you start hating any sound like yeah, the I'm like, if I had a gone, I would have shot a bunch of dogs, like or like someone's doing repairs in the building. I'm like, oh, you're you're plumbing just had to be fixed.
Like my daughter, or like maybe my daughter was having a nap and it would be like the neighbor hated this.
I reckon. She just drilled on purpose. I get a call, I'm going to go over there.
I'm like, go on, Yeah, I was like, it gets so psycho. I was laughing the other day. I mean, I'm still in it. Like but with my family. We went to visit my family over Christmas and I was inside having a nap with George, just got him to sleep. He was in a really good nap, and there was a freak do you know what a whirlyworli is? It was like a mini tornado. Yeah, a freak whirly whirly whipped through my parents seriously, and it lifted all the lawn furniture in the air and a big umbrella and
my stepmom tried to grab it and she got all lifted. Seriously, she nearly died. Everyone's screaming and I'm in the room and I come out and I'm like, he just got to sleep.
So's it's funny how like psychotic you get, like because I know that, like.
Yeah, that it's so precious, especially like a nap. The naps in the day sets you up for what your night's going to fucking you think.
It does, and it's like does it? It does, and you're like, we have to get on the schedule again, and.
Then there's just like one noise.
He's like, for god, I know, yeah, And you have no control over anything that you think if you can control nap time and weak windows and stuff.
But my parents were over the other day and both kids have been like didn't up all day. It was like a really big day for them. My parents came in the late afternoon. So they're excited again because my parents are there, and then they go after sleep. My dad's such a gone death, I reckon, so allowed to Yeah, every five minutes, I'm like.
Shut and he's like, we here to visit you. I'm like, I wish I did it. Now they're away again.
It's like they punish you, the parents, like they like seeing us in turmoil.
Oh for sure, for sure. I mean they're like, we've done it, now.
You've got it, and they think we're insane, Like I think they just put us down when we were tired and they just didn't follow all this stuff, or as we're like, we actually need five hours before bedtime in order to get the sleep.
Pressure to see everyone thinks sleep, everyone think about being and then.
They're looking at Chris and being like, wow, he's such a great father, he's so hands on.
Yeah, I guess so, I think there's a bit of that reluctant. I don't know what they're thinking. I think I think I'm such a psycho that they're mostly focused on I'm still mental. I reckon, if you can't.
Tell you.
I haven't picked up, just come out of the jungle. So you do.
You think I'm coming off the back of April being mental for so many years and it's completely I feel like, it's so it's so normal to be like, we're all so hyper sensitive in that moment, your way, in the absolute thick of it has got nothing on that you remember that you're.
Like people, people who are in the first years amazing, amazing, But there was also the.
Hell it's like we also we joke a lot. Is like I don't remember, we don't remember. You forget all about this until you have another one, and then you forget all about it all over again.
Yeah, I mean. And also it's like, but I love it, like I'm in hell, but I love it. And it's hard to.
Explain that you have produced is like trying to understand it doesn't no parents when you're like, it's hell, but I've like, but I'm I've acclimatized to it. Yeah, I'm used to it, and I've got a comfy seat.
It becomes you're like, it becomes like your whole hobby, your whole life. You'rely and this I actually don't can't see it any other way anymore.
I know, And I feel like it's a like you you're passing on. Like not having kids for me felt a bit like refusing to have your turn in tiggy, you know, like the kids, yeah are actually like I'm like, I've come down an ancestral line of like, you know, I've got a pretty interesting family, like we all do. But like my dad's family, his mum was Aboriginal, his
dad was Russian. You know, it's just hectic. And it's just like women for so long have just been like squatting out kids in absurd circumstances, so difficult, and it's just so funny for me to be in like bed ordering uber eats, like no, I don't think I can do it.
Strategy like don't knock, don't look me in the eyes.
Like my my grandfather's indigenous and he was one of fourteen.
Yeah fuck did his mum do fourteen? And we've got like two and we're like, don't wake them up?
Yeah exactly. And it just felt like it like it's my turn and I just had to do it.
I don't know, how are you finding doing it in regards to work.
It's in some ways it's really good because I used to be so neurotic about putting you know, like I'm going to try this new joke and I get really doubt if it didn't work or whatever, and now it's like fuck it. Like I'm quite free of mind. Like I go, I'm doing bedtime, dinner time, it's bath and then I have to get in a like uber and go to a gig and I just have to try it. And I think that kind of I don't give a fuck attitude is like helpful.
Yeah, as your material change them, it.
Has Yeah, but then you also have a lot of time to think about stuff like I'm lying there with this during nap time, and you have like time to be a bit you know, I can write, Yeah.
The things that you didn't maybe, like you might just be walking down the street with your baby and you're like okay, and then you get home and you're like, okay, I'm waiting for the baby to wake up. Way, I'm observing things that happened different now.
Yeah, And you're also just rooted in, you know, humanity a bit more Like when I talk to Uber drivers now, it's like we're both like I love my kids. It's like I fucking love my kid, and it's like you're all the other day was at the airport in Coffs Harbor and I saw this mom and it was so cute her little her girl was coming to Sydney and she had her little Sydney outfit on, like oh you know, little Ara and William's boots and she.
Had a little backpack Sydney.
Yeah, it's just so excited and the mom, you know, you could see her saying goodbye to her and it's like, oh, you know. And I really felt that, like, oh my god, they grow up and then they leave and I just might not have ever observed that before and understood. It's like you you see what roots people to or like binds them to the earth, like why they work, why they do these things, like.
You do it no greater purpose?
Yeah, and you just love and it's fun to show a new human being how to enjoy the world. Like I just think about my son's the experiences he gets will will have in his life, like just even I don't know, waking up on a nice morning and smelling like a nice smell, and I think about him doing that. It makes me happy.
The first Yeah, just.
New things like trying to get on their level too, with seeing something for the first time, like when as adults when I'm like, fucking look that you imagine.
Like everything everything dropping acid all day and then we're like go to sleep, go to sleep where.
I just want to rainbow. You just tell me a fucking rainbow.
You like, go to sleep now.
Anything?
Yeah?
Is it hard to work at the same pace, like at the moment I laid fringes on, Yeah, speaking to other comedians and they'll do like consecutive shows like ten, fifteen, twenty shows back to back.
Yeah, and you're probably talking to the men doing it as well, which is very different. Like I don't actually not to be like I'm the only because I'm not. But I don't know many women who've I'm still breastfeeding and stuff. I don't really know women who've gone back to it in this way. And I'm actually a bit nervous, to be honest, Like I'm excited to do the show and I hope that it's good and people like it, but I'm really scared to do it. Then you can't
like when I've done Adelaide and Melbourne. You know, you do your show and then you go home and you think about what worked and didn't work, and you can really like put that time into it and I just can't. I mean I can. I'll have to find ways to do that to keep my little human alive exactly. It's just that there will be balancing and.
I hope that's okay, you'll take him.
Yeah. So luckily Chris has been able to take time off work so I can tour and stuff.
Wow, OK, yeah cool.
Yeah, I know. Crazily I'm the bread winner and I'm a comedian. It's like not, it's not normal. I remember when I realized I needed money to It's a really crazy but I realized. I was at the Now salon and this rich woman was talking to me and I said, oh, yeah, I'm thinking about having a baby. We started talking and she said, oh, what do you do? And I said I'm a comedian and she went and she said what
does your partner do? And I said he's a social worker, and she went like she could not hide her disdain.
You're working in like I don't know, as an avatar or like killing animals entertain people.
Yeah, an avatar at least has a regular paycheck.
You're a frustration a dead animal.
I think the work is admirable.
On your side.
I don't think she meant it was not admirable. I think she was just like, what are you going to do for money? You have a it's not a real thing to do. And she's not wrong.
You're proving her, proving her wrong.
That's true. That's true. I have done well And if people just want to keep buying tickets, that would be really good.
Put some information in the show notes.
Definitely, Yeah, please.
Or two questions. Okay, I know that it's still early days, like you're still with a newborn, so maybe way too premature to ask this question, but will you go a second? Yeah?
I would love to. I feel like it would be very healing to go through the process and hopefully not have something go, you know, the health thing or fucked if it happens again. It's not a gen anything, it's just a freak accident. But I would love to. I just don't know how. We don't have family in town. It feels like we're just handballing him back and forth. We haven't nanny once a week. Day Care could be life changing, and it is. I used to be like no daycare, and now I'm like, what about daycare?
Honestly, I think like I think we waited.
We waited till Marley was like definitely beyond twelve months. Yeah, we put her in for a couple of days a week and we just, yeah, you.
Don't know yourself.
Yeah, I'm thinking eighteen months two days a week.
We change.
We forget that.
It's like the stimulation that they get to like it might be like feel like I'm just off boarding.
It's to someone else, but they have so much.
Yeah, new toys, and he does come alive with other people, like he gets bored of me and then loves. He'll be grizzly and then we go out and he's like weaving.
And everyone and then just do so much with Yeah. It's you know, and there's other kids doing the same ship.
So I think I am thinking the waiting lists in Sydney are pretty extreme.
So we're just going to add to totally.
I should I think once I have a little and you know, once he gets at the moment, we're just still definitely in the trenches of like totally it's just physically hard.
Yeah, but you mentioned we handball, Yeah, and it's every couples doing the same thing. We're like, you know, like you taking for now and get some rare a lot of families going through all that. But when you when you have two, it does become a bit more difficult. But then they sort of go together.
I know, and you kind of need you need. You can't play a ball game without four people. You kind of need two kids, two adults for family holidays.
You can't play with three. But it's a bit ship.
Yeah, it is a bit and the dynamics wrong. It has to be two kids ganging up on the parents totally.
Yeah, it's even then.
Yeah, I've got my nieces.
She's an only child child, and I think there will be the case. So I'm just like reluctant.
Oh no, I mean I'm an only child technically.
Winning thoughts and prayers with winning.
Yeah, I'm an only child technically, but I do have two half sisters, but you know, we didn't grow up together, so I very much identify as an only child.
Yeah, my kids, like they just bicker.
Yeah, we will caveat that. Previous conversation is the only children are great, and they are fantastic.
I think they are cameras. I think they take on a lot. As an only child, you take on like you're very aware of your parents' son. Am makers when you have a sibling, you're in your own Yeah, And I do get sad sometimes because I think there is no one in the entire world who knows what it's like to have my mum. No one, you know, you can know her, but no one will know what it's like to be raised.
Yeah.
Whereas now with half sisters, we can talk about my dad or whatever. And that is a novel experience to have other people, Yeah, being parented by my dad, whereas yeah, where are you going with this? Is this just going a trail off?
I don't know if the sort of picked up a bust is.
Like listen, Nick Cody was a lot more.
One more question and I have for you, Becky, when George is all grown up, yes he's no longer living at home. If that time does come, who knows is the one thing you would want him to remember about the house that he grew up in.
Oh.
I just want him to remember like comfort and like nice moments which his dad's really good at making, like he really he knows, like Saturday morning, let's make pancakes and put nice music on, and like coziness is such a nice thing. And I also want him to feel understand good I want him to feel like, well, we've really listened to him and made the effort to like understand where he's coming from and his life. And yeah, I don't know. My parents can never remember my friend's names,
and I find that so frustrating. And it's like, I just want to remember everything about his life, even if he finds it over Mary. I want to be an overbearing mom.
I do.
I think it's nice.
I've really spoken for an hour, but it sounds to me like you are a great mom and you have a great partner who's also a great dad. So well done.
Thanks, thank you, that's really nice.
Thank you for spending some time with us.
Loved it, didn't I didn't know. I actually really love hanging out.
With you guys. Thank you. Any chat about calm I'm all about.
I was a bit nervous, like, yeah, it's weird walking into someone else's dynamic, but I think we've really got a long guy's I think just if you want to analyze how this.
Went, if you can come back anytime, you lie, I can't come back, was like, can I come back?
It's also so fun to have permission to speak freely about parenting because you know, when you are at a party and you there's people who aren't parents, and then you are having a parenting chat and someone, a non parenting person comes over and you're so yeah, you're so self conscious about how boring you're being. This podcast is really boring.
Non parents yea. And you can see someone just like.
Slowly, we've a lot of non parent listeners, though not like some people are like, oh, it's my favorite podcast.
I have kids.
Man, well you're weird. Love you, Thank you again.
No, thanks a lot and and goodbye and at a point, thanks guys, thank you.
Fun fact, we've had two guests that.
Have appeared on Cony Now in this podcast.
Don't tell me who the other person was.
Who was it was?
It is Nick Cody, Nick Cody and Becky Lucas, which is great for Australian comedy.
Both absolutely hairy, both absolutely hilarious. And if you found Becky hilarious, anythink maybe I want to go see her stand up. We have great news. You can see her touring a new show. Things have changed, but the essence remains all around the country. Tickets can be found in the show notes.
That's that's an amazing name for a show. I will just say.
That I like it very deep, yes, mysterious.
Now, if you're listening, get out there and supporting you mum.
Let me help her get back to work back on stage.
And if you've enjoyed this episode, help us say it work.
Just help us please.
You can subscribe, review, give us a few stars for you comments on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or follow us on social media TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. We have a group there as well. And if there's any guests that you would like us to interview, moms or dads, anyone you may find interesting or hilarious, let us know.
Until next time.
Bye.
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander peoples today