#129 It's Finally Caught Up To Me

Do you know one thing I hate at a kid's path meth addicts? No, I like them, they're they're good fun.

Okay, what do I hate? What do you hate? Can I have one more guess?

Yes? What would Ash hate? Should I just get to it?

Bubblers that don't work?

No? I hate the flying fox. When you go to a park that has a big flying fox. Have you seen those? They're great, great fun. But I always get roped into the one parent who keeps going back and forth, but for not just my kid, all the kids that join in. What do you mean, how are you getting roped into that? Okay, so I go with Oscar one second.

Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And look, we don't give any advice. But what we do do do do is talk about flying foxes. Continue we do do.

Indeed talk about flying foxes. So Oscar just bear with me, Oscar, Daddy, I want to go on the flying fox. No problems, go over, help him onto the flying fox. It goes down, you've got to bring it back up. Usually you'd bring it back up for the next parent to help their child on. But for some reason, every time I do it with Oscar, I go to take it back. There's no other parent and there's like ten kids, and then they all can't reach it, so I've got to go back and forth and back and forth.

Feel like the age of a child to use a flying fox without parental supervision is around about five. Anything under concerning anything out.

Of that, I'm looking for consent from a parent.

Would you hand a four year old a flying fox unaccompanied by an adult?

Yes, you got it, man, you got it.

It's a a harsh world out there, and these kids need to learn.

Yeah, but the thing is like, what, like why can't other parents come over and help me?

They just yeah, they're like it's okay, no do it because they're like, oh my god, look at that good Samaradan dad out there who's relaying like back and forth.

I hate that you have set this up, You set the standard. I hate that so much. You just want to I've got I had two kids. If I wanted to do that for ten kids, I would have had ten kids. Fuck the other kids to stop them, just push them off. You reckon, just like another parent they don't. I've been starting, like all of Christmas holidays, we would go to this one park called Flying Fox Park. If you go to a flying Fox park with your kids, the expectation is that you have to help your kid

It's just I wouldn't.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't expect you to be the one.

Who being like that idiot dad helping out all these other kids who doesn't even know.

Yeah, that's me.

It's weird. Why how have you? How has this happened?

It just happened too many times in the heat of summer. But just tell us, like, that's the thing. Then I have to deprive my kid from going on it. So now I was like, can we go? I'm like, oh, soon, soon, soon, we're doing something else because I know as soon as I go over there, Timmy, Jimmy, Sally and Susie, you're going to come up and I'm doing laps of the flying Fox. Let him, let him be, let him suffer. Well, then they're just going to stand there. That's life, bro, that is life.

Flying Fox Park is really just a lesson for what life is like in the real world.

I don't know if you're on my side or not.

I don't know either. I had a little session at the park. Hang on, I got a sneeze. One second.

You're a plane. That was good, bless you. I reckon it was a cessna. You are autistic. You're a divergent actually, which.

We'll get into later. Before before we do that, okay, before do that. Do you remember Tom Williams from Benhams and Gardens. Tom Williams very handsome man, what.

I recall, very hand gorgeous. He's a bit older than us.

Right now, he's I think he's let me just check, can confirm that his age. He's fifty four, Still gorgeous, stunning. He's a carpenter. Imagine that rocking up to your house to fix your back, like.

Hire a hubby. Yeah, imagine if I know what sort of person he would be on a night out. You know what you're getting right there?

What are you getting? Don't disrespect him? I'm not What are you getting? I don't want to say, because I'll just respect him.

He's the loveliest, but the haircut. He's probably really lovely guy. That haircut back in the day, screamed one thing.

We all had haircuts like that. He has like a bit for those he has a bit of a mohawk kind of cut. But he saved my life.

He looks like Ben Cousins, look like Ben Cousins, and we all know what he was about.

How do you how doare you compare the two? He saved my life. I was at a park literally or just literally. I was back back in the od stomping ground around Bondai. Decided Thursday Daddy day. Take my kid plus my niece from the jungle to the urban jungle. Some might say, very good from you, Thank you. You should be a copywriter.

That's it for me.

Went to what's called not Flying Fox Park rocket Ship Park.

We have a rocket ship park too.

It's not about you, it's about me. Isn't have a big rocket in the middle, hence the name it does you know your rocket ship? It was a chain of parks called rocket Ship Park. It's a great park. It's a cracking park. I've just finished. It's really beautiful. Went there, went there, must have been there for like I want to say, were there for about five minutes.

What happened started raining. Oh yeah, I don't have enough. They don't have any cover, no cover at the rocket Ship parks. It's the cover. The rocket ship's too high for cover. It's a nightmare.

Yeah, it's it's the Achilles heel of the rocket ship. The rain. Yeah, it's over, it's over. So I was, I did. There's a metal slide and Laola was like, I'm going on it, and I was like, oh nuts. You know when metal gets wet, it gets very slippery. She she flew out of there. You know, you know when something's happening and it text you a second to realize, and I was, I was about three meters away from the slide, but I saw her flying down.

I just kind of went. I was frozen. She flying off the end and she it was like long jump. She must have got four meters straight onto her like bumps straight onto the back. Combo were like, was it like it was?

Thank Heaven, it's the rocket ship parks. All the new ones have soft landing parks.

Would have been like back in parents. I was like, I went too fast in the slide.

She would have had a bottom skin. Luckily she was okay. But then I was like, this is too dangerous. I'm pulling the pin on the rocket ship park. Okay, problem, Yeah, I didn't have a car, it's with him walking. Just nah, I got the bus there, didn't.

I bustin they've got a bus. I got the basket of the bus.

But the issue is ash issue is it was a bit of a walk from the bus stop, so I couldn't get a bus back home. Tried to call a TAXI couldn't get my mate.

Why do they even have a phone number anymore? Like you just sit there on all day to fifteen minutes. It reminds me of the city to serve.

Remember, yes, can we just allow children, babies and ubers, like if they're allowed in calves, let them in an uber without.

A baby seat.

Canning, Queensland may change the rules. We're living in the dark ages here in New South Wales.

State state by state laws is a joke.

Isn't there an election coming up? We should campaign the dad party the dad party no baby seats and ubers?

That could be no, yeah, that could be our main thing, Like any man, woman or child should be able to ride an uber without discrimination.

And more parental supervision at Flying Fox Parks.

More shade and more cover. Oh, we are onto something. This is good. Think of the people that would actually, can you please look up how to create a political party? Please? Thank you?

Yes. Also, just to put another spanner in the works, I had my knees. I had Lola. Guess who else I had?

Nana had Nana.

You know what nana's are like in the wet Yeah, I don't know who.

I was more worried about Lola. On Nana.

I was like, don't touch, that's OK, You're fine, And I'm like, how the hell am I going to get home? And then out of nowhere, Tom Williams. Tom Williams comes walking through the park. He's just finished a meeting. Walking Yeah, he don't tell me. He piggybacked you all and he said.

What are you doing?

And I said, I'm trying to get home, and he goes, don't worry, you can hop in my car.

And Lola was like, who is this guy? Not a stranger? Nana was very happy to get the car of time. Was she in front seat? No?

I put her in the back. Smart Tom Williams saved my life.

That it's just dad's looking out for each other, just one dad to another, one dad to another. So vote one the political the dad political party. We look out. We call it the party for the Dad party.

Like it's I now have to like with that good deed. You know, I'm now looking to give my good deed to another parent. You don't need any good deeds.

You're fine. Well I'm not, actually, and I have a story about that. Not fine. Hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids about the hemorrhoids were vicious while you were gone, And that was from stress because stressed about you. I was worried about you, not about me or my terrible lifestyle and my horrible habits had nothing to do with that. It's all stress. But we have some answers Matthew to why I am like the way that I am? Okay, it's formal, so we always joke. We joke a lot on these podcasts

Can I ask what made you want to get tested? Because you've you're now in your.

About one hundred and seventeen episodes of this podcast. I listened back to all them. I was like, Fuck, that guy needs some help.

Because you kind of think you've come this far. You're in your mid thirties, you come this far, you know surely, surely you know you're fine.

No, it's getting worse. It's getting progressively worse. Really in what way? Look, I know I know that I've always had problems focusing. I know that I always I'm real scattery, I'm real up and down, I move everything.

Are you.

Don't? I'm happy? Shut up? And honestly it was I knew it was getting worse. And then I started to pay attention to some things that Oscar would do and how okay, and you know he's five, he's he's you know not. He just reminded me so much of what of what I what like my brain and like what the mannerisms and things like he cannot focus on anything? What was Oscar doing that? He can't focus on me, but he can hyper focus on a small on a one small task and like for me, I used to

And you would watch you would watch people live stream opening Pokemon cards and then you started collecting Pokemon cards.

And now I'm in severe debt.

Yeap just you were like locked into Pokemon car locked in.

Still bro, I am locked in. Actually I guess I can harp a focus on that. But like I would find that, I was like, Okay, well I can't. I can't. I'm starting to become as focused as Oscar is, and I'm an adult who like should be able to focus on. I can't read an email. I can read like a head of an email. I could learn a new skill like Rubik's cube. Took me one day to learn the Rubik's cube, you know what I mean. But I can't. I can't form a new habit. I can't build a

It must have been like six months ago we had a conversation about potentially getting diagnosed, and you said something along the lines of you don't want to get medicated because it's going to change who you are.

That's a common concern they say it because it's like we talk about ADHD as you know, like a disorder like a it's really bad, but it's also a superpowerful. A lot of people, Like the psychiatrist said to me, he said, you've gotten as far as you have done now with what's going on in your head, but you're obviously at a point in your life where you need you need. I need to be able to create a routine, have some sort of structure. I need to be able to sleep properly. Like this's so like it takes me

And it's tough because obviously your sister's going to be very sympathetic because she understands you and you and who you are. But I guess other people might be like fuck ash, like that's.

Rude so many people, and I feel really bad. So if you are on the phone to me and I do tune out, it's a disorder now, okay, but yeah, it's yeah, it just was getting to the point where I have that's just put yourself in my shoes for a moment. No motivation, no routine, no structure, no goals, no interests. Like I was just like a blob. Yeah, pretty much. And it's like I can't. It really really hit me when I surfed the wavepool before you it was before you left or during your left, I don't know.

So what was the process? Because I remember you saying it was hard. I know you were kind of like tiptoeing around getting tested. But it's not just a simple make an appointment. Oh yeah, you like to do this test?

You have it? What does it look like? Step by step? So this is the second time I've been down it because we spoke about it last year. But it was the referral I got then was to a particular clinic that feel like they were quite big. So you sort of get you sort of go into the conveyor belt of process, if you will. And I felt like the information was like the step was like it felt like the test, you know what I mean? It was like, I'm not going to get through all this shit. I

For people who don't know. It's Keisha from Life Uncut.

She created Cloud, which is on the Life on Cut network, which is a podcast all about ADHD, and she was able to point me in the right direction of how she went through it where it wasn't as painful, which look, the steps are essentially the same, but there was more guidance instead of just being like, here go, this is what you need to do because you're one of a million people in this in the in the start of this clinic here where you need to go do this, do that? Do this? Do that? What do they make

You do that test and then what happens after that?

You've got to they say that you need to provide some like character references. Why I wasn't I called up? Uh what do you think it was? Like? Thankfully you don't necessarily have to I think there is you do enough cognitive testing about your character, and then they're also asked for like penis. I don't know, I haven't seen it in ages, and it's like like old school reports and stuff like that, because there's no way you would

It was telehealth. We spent an hour together. So just so I know, so you've done your online online test, I'll go from.

Stuff GP to with your concerns as you should do with everything. Really, go and see your GP. Just tell them what's going on and what makes you think, and they'll ask you some general questions there too, because they're trained to do so as well. But then they'll go, O, do you have a clinic in mind, which thankfully from Keisha I did, and then you essentially the referel goes to them, They reach out to you. They essentially give you all the information about what comes next.

I'm really dumb here, but is a clinic like an ADHD clinic?

Yeah? Yeah, it's like an ADHD clinic and like like brain neurodiversion, they specialize and all that sort of stuff. And then you do the online. Yeah, they sort of give what's going to happen next. And the cost. That's another thing too. It's because how much does it costs? Oh look, it's like it's upwards as three grands. Oh it's not cheap, it's not cheap. Wow, it's for me. I was at a point where I felt like I needed to invest it so that I don't essentially become

Like, so after after you do your you went to the clinic, did are you testing there? And is that off the back of that, do they say you like you have it?

Well, yeah, so you do the testing and then you have your consultation with with a psychiatrist, and there's a lot. They dive into a lot like childhood, family life, both your immediate family and then obviously my wife and kids, and you know, school and hobbies and habits like alcohol, drug or they do into everything in a family loss. Look, if you're not at a position where you want to talk about all that stuff, then maybe it's not worth

But then at the same time you talk about your spark, it's like, I don't I look think about that moment where you say you're thinking about self harm and you're like, well, that's not it's not helping it. It's it's not a spark that you think it is.

Yeah, yeah, there's always like the negative side to my brain and the personality that I have. But he said to me, no, no, no, He's like, look, what we can do is we can look to just make it easier for you to focus on tasks and and and achieve smaller goals than just being like, here's something kind of completely dull who you are as a person for the rest of your life. And that's a big stigma

Do they when you say severe? Is there like a scale? Is it like between?

I guess it's just his medical opinion, right, He's like, Okay, well I've heard you. I've heard what you're like, what your brain's like, and they're very good at like drawing stuff out of you that they are trained to do, right if.

They could, But it's kind of I guess. On the one hand, it's kind of daunting to know like, Okay, I've actually got this thing now, But then at the same time, it must be nice in a sense to know, like, hey, it's you know, I've been living with this thing which has been hindering me for so long. It's not you, it's it's like, you know, it makes sense. Yeah, it's like now that I'm aware of it.

And there's certain things that the certain behaviors that I do, like like Mike, my doom scrolling is on a fucking another level. It's because it's ADHD paralysis. I'm just there searching for open mean search and that's the easiest way for me to get it without you know, racking up you know what I mean. Like in that I'm just like consistently searching. And it's like it's a known thing that you go into a paralysis where you're like, I'm just gonna sit here all day in a vortex, and

Okay, so you haven't had any medication.

Gotta do blood test ECGs. Then you go and do another psych appointment to talk about medications, the pros, the con all that sort of stuff. Like another hour, and then they see you again, just make any adjustments, and then it's up to you how often you want to see them, like check in. So like I think Keish was saying that she did the first initial appointments and they adjusted the medication and everything seems to be working fine.

I think it would have been so easy to kick this bucket down the road. A little bit longer, a little bit longer, knowing how hard the process is. I think, well done, thank you, well done. I feel better about it already.

I mean it's like you said, there's no surprises like it was. You know, I can I can have a large red Bull and go straight to sleep, like you know, you know, it's just yeah, it just got to the point where it was like and then I was doing I was doing this thing where I was like.

Wish I'd known this before I started a podcast with you.

Sorry, it's two years, I'm kidding, kidding, But it was getting to the point where I was like, you know, I'm not yeah, like I definitely have a problem with alcohol, Like well, that's no fucking secret. But it was getting to the point where it was like I was just drinking because I was just depressed about it. And it was like, if I'm gonna be unmotivated to do things, I might as well do the things that's like, the the easy things that give me some sort of chemical

I guess if anyone has any questions specific to your process of getting diagnosed, hit us up, let us know.

Yeah, for sure, Facebook, Instagram, whatever do you damn me? I don't mind. I'll ignore it. Matt, Yes, back from the Jungle. But you did miss quite a key moment in Marley's life. You did make a little heart symbol on TV. You did wish her well from the Jungle, which she loved.

The heart loved her and I felt guilty a few times. I'd forget to do it and I'd be like laying there and be the first day, like.

The first recording, first episode, we're all here now, like when's he got to do it? And then like eventually you did it, like a little like I think when you got the opportunity because it was hard. You don't know what's going to air, what's not going to air. Yeah, but the first day of school, primary school, You've you've been back a week or so. Now now she's doing she's done really well.

You've been doing drop offs and stuff, like I've been doing drop offs only at the new daycare with Lola, so I've kind of been missing school.

I haven't seen the late great Mandy j come through.

I went to We actually had a parent teacher night where we have this three kindergarten classes and you and all the parents go along and it's not one on one. It's like the curriculum, and they kind of say like, this is what the kids learning, and they made it sound really complicated. They were like, so we're going to be learning about maths and social studies. And I was kind of like, what do you learn about maths? They're like, oh,

I mean these days, they've obviously got iPads in class. They've got like a you know, we have like a chalkboard or a fucking whiteboard. They've got like a TV screen board. They've got TV scoos at your school, Yeah, dude, the whole thing. It's like interactive what I don't know, wild public school.

We're living in the dark ages over here in Bonda. We've got whiteboards. Still, you've still got BONDI beach. I was like, what is this what is this rubbish? Yeah, it's funny how you forget how much kids.

Froth on a little merit award.

They had these badge system, so if you are seen to be doing something that's like in line with school rules, you can get ethics yeah yeah, yeah, and then you get these little badges like little tokens, and then if you get three tokens, you get a merit award.

Then if you get two merrit awards, you get.

Like a Blue Award or something, and it's then you get four Blue wards, you get a rid of Week. Yeah, and you're like, who cares? But the kids they lose their ship. Molly's had one badge so far, like little token, and she's like, you're never going to believe what happened.

And I was like, well what did you get?

And she's like, I got the token. I amost that molays in a run run the world god and losing her mind. But she's she's taken a school Yeah fine, yeah, same with Oscar. I mean the thing for us like that he's frothing on is who's the fastest. That's that's what boys do, right, They're like, who's the fastest in the school And every week it's different. He's very quick, he's very quick, but he was like this kid was faster than me last week, but this week was definitely faster than him.

Or like this is so base. Who's I know, I know who's the fastest is the best? But all the girls like, oh my god, there's that. It was really funny, like we've got like a really long track to get to school. Yeah, one entrance, one exit, and you know, we walk all the way down with him and I was like, what you do today, you know? And he was like, oh, we did rhyming words and I was like, oh yeah, like what words and he was like like truck and I was like, okay, don't do it. Don't

Like Laura was like, hey, you got to put in eight am is a deadline in the morning of put your order in, and she's like, just do it on the.

App and I was like, what, where's the brown paper bag?

You just ride on like sausage roll dollars sixty. Put the money in the battle sausage roll twelve dollars sixty. Very expensive. But they have apps now. They have apps for Canti.

Any app called I have a really good name for that app. It's called the app should be called brown paperbag. Just saying the app right, no good, it's not your best. I'll put it down to yet I. I just thought of it.

I'll put it down to your ADHD.

Okay, Well, I'm not going to tell you things if you're going to use it against me. So I also have a massive penis.

But Marley today has her first exam. First example, see already first test they have. They do these reading tests to figure out what books you get, So you get different books depending on your ability to the library at.

The library or do you guys have a library or school? Yeah?

I think so, I don't know school. I zoned out during the parent teaching. There is some kind of a library.

I think, I don't know.

It was a forty five minute meeting about school curriculum, so I was twenty. Can I just say to the teacher it was great.

Try and do it with ADHD. It's not a competition broke.

It's but Maria's going to find it. Maria's going to find out what level her reading is. That she's so good, she's very good. She's freakishly good. Like Reeds better than me.

Doing a running test today, mondays Marley's doing a reading. She's like, what's this?

But Lola hates it. Lola's like, why is she going to a separate school? So now we're debating. We were going to hold back Lola for one more year of daycare next year, but now we're like, do you know what, Let's just send them both.

She's a fair baby, so I think I think she'll be five when she starts. Yeah, fine, right, I don't know.

Send her Yes, the draft, Yeah this one, fine, give to this one. But it's so fast and good, so fast good, and the parents that we've met are lovely.

I really love it.

And the most exciting part ash I'm going to get my electric bike this weekend so I can start doing drop offs.

In my bike. I've been doing the drop offs on a bike because it's carnage down there. It's an nightmare. Absolute.

I would rather spend an afternoon in Hell than do a drop off in the car.

Trying to find a part, and I'm like five hundred meters from the school. But the problem is it's like all uphill on the way back, which to walk. It's like, oh, but the electric bike. You just mosey back up because Oscar must love it. Loves it every day, even April and I rode the bike to parent teacher interviews April together.

Yeah.

Man, everyone's trying to get parks. I rode all the way down to the front of the school. Where was she sitting on the back. She's sitting, bitch, baby, what's that the seat behind where you grab like that? There's plenty of grab onto at the moment, that's for sure. She was like, all this, you look great, thank you? But yeah, did you get the bucket one?

A little buck at the front, double seat at the back? I got the real I got the dad Mode one. You got the cool one I've got, you got the cool surf one.

I've got a new one coming. Oh jeez, must be nice.

This one's just a freebie. This one just someone who wants to with the odd one. Ah, I don't know, that's mine. How many how many electric bikes do you need?

I needed a new one because the one I've got is not powerful enough for all the hill.

Hey, we have a little update. A little while ago would have been last year, the end of November.

Can you believe it's nearly the end of fair? But I can't. I cannot, I cannot. Where does the time go? Where did it go? Lost it? I'm thirty five this year. Yeah, okay, you're forty. I'm thirty eight. Yeah, your wife's forty though these gray hairs.

Bro.

Anyway, we did the calendar, the raaunchry raunge calendar. He did.

You may be wondering, Ash, how much money did we raise because we were donating all proceeds to a great charity called rise Up. They support victims of domestic violence. Ash, have a guess how much money we will be donating. Fifty bucks, A little bit more than that. It is three thousand, five hundred and fourteen dollars will be donated to rise Up.

That is outstanding, and that is because of the listeners.

So thank you so much for your support. That is a roundom applause.

Yeah, that's worth a round the clause.

Are we are a clapping podcast?

Now? Now where's two doting clappers?

So yeah, I really appreciate the support. We do have some calendars left, so if you would like to hit your hands. I know we talked about the year going so far, but.

There's plenty of time. We'll had two extra months at the year. He got nine months to enjoy the calendar. That's all they have to do is put the two front months at the end. Just roll it on into twenty twenty six. Yes, March twentieth.

This guy's good a business. We will put a link in the shows. We will put the link in the show notes where you can buy the calendar. But a huge thanks for all your support.

And we obviously need to do like March twentieth as a two doing Dad Day or something. Why is that again because we did twice cops. Yeah, yeah, that is. That is quality control on that calendar seems to.

But but if you haven't bought one, it's a great calendar. Yeah, there's a couple of mistakes in there, but ignore it doesn't matter.

Now it still rolls on. I think if it didn't roll on, if it threw every other day, it's just numbers, just numbers.

It doesn't it doesn't make any major impact.

Yeah, what's the calendar exactly? No one. You should buy one, no one to buy in the calendar for the dates to the pictures. That's the for days anyway, that's good. That's good gear.

And on that note, we will get out of here. You've got to drive home. I'm going to pick up the kids.

Ashy. If you've enjoyed this episode, what should you do? You should leave a review, subscribe like whatever you do? Yeah five stars. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. Facebook. We will speak to you guys when I get back. When I get back from day oh.

God, please be safe, look after yourself well, come back in one piece always.

I am a soldiers. I'm done. I'll be fine. We'll see you guys. Two.

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