#106 Aims Connor: Sobriety, Raising A Child With Autism And Unapologetic Parenting

You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now, but we have.

A bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who you might know better as Aims. She is a TikTok mum sensation, and she's probably one of those relatable mums online on the line at the moment.

I found her ash, I want to say two years ago I was fed her videos on TikTok and she is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos.

She's raising four kids. We've got Marley seven. It's like you're Maley, but a bit older, Indy five, Billy three, and little boy body.

Like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen on foods, so she often finds herself baking things with her kids. Leftovers, sinner, turn leftover toast into cereal.

Believer it or not?

Oh wait, how I believe that?

She cut it up?

She put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon and then she Adamson milk.

You always get Vetter recipe videos.

I do, Matthew.

She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So I think I watched one once more than once, and now I get fed all of her cooking videos.

Literally see when I get her videos, it's often about how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley, has recently been diagnosed with autism. And now I'm yet to speak to another parent who has a child with autism, so I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life with Marley.

We also talk about her past and how it led to her sobriety, and Matthew, it has been ten years now sober, which is a huge achievement.

She was quite vulnerable in opening up about her journey with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she ended up in rehab. It's a really amazing story, Matthew.

Let's get into it.

Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. I'm Maddie Jay.

And I'm Aims.

This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, and the relatable and Aims. We have to say every episode for legal reasons that we don't give any advice, but if you have advice, you're more than welcome to share that with us.

In the world that'd be great because we could use some help. You've got twice as four kids.

Yeah, four kids, we've got two.

So you're twice the parent we are.

We always talk about the parenting hierarchy and when you meet a parent and you go, how old are your kids and if they say, oh, mina like twelve months and you know I've got a newborn, like I know more than you.

Yeah, I'm in charge of it.

It's all relative, though, isn't it? Like my four could equal someone's one? Do you know what I mean? Like it's all about mannerisms and like the temperament and everything.

True, very still very modest, I know so much. Essentially, you're still there's what for male? Yeah, yeah, there's how many fingers and toes. It's just like trying to keep an eye on two is hard enough.

But they follow like little ducks. Honestly, when the more that you've got, the more behaved they are, or in my experience anyway, like if I'm walking in the shopping center, one will follow the other and the other will follow me the other. Like my two year old's so well behaved outside inside he's pretty like manic, But like in the shopping center, he's like such a well behaved two year old because he's just following his sisters.

Did you have a turn around and go, fuck, there's three.

Head count?

The way?

Is it that?

It makes me think that we should all have like ten kids, because.

I do obviously want to get into your kids in more detail. But before we do that, I read and I was very surprised by this that you're not born in Australia.

No, I was born in Venezueter. That kind I used to be my line when I was in my twenties. It doesn't come out much anymore.

So what do you mean by the line?

Like, you know, well the pickup line, like you know, like you got to get it. Yeah, every time. It's just you got to be interesting, you know, like when you're out in the class. Venezuela was always my thing.

No disrespect to like accountants out there, but if you like, I'm an accountant Zuela. Yeah, I know.

My parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian Embassy, which is in Canberra. And then we're just on a posting and I just popped out in Venezuela. My sister and brother are born in Canberra.

Oh, right, line a camera, get out.

HS just something really dumb here. But if you're a diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing?

My mum had my sister because she older, so she just stayed at like the country club where the expats go, which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would have been so isolating because like if you're not if there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then.

When you said, I was like, the fuck is that?

Do you know what I'm picking up on? He's a spy?

I'm thinking that actually so fact the puzzle pieces.

We had a lot of handguns in the living room.

I don't actually know where he is now.

While do you speak Spanish?

Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister and I traveled to Spain in my when I was eighteen, But no, like Espanol is like what I know. I knew my lamego. I know, like my sister spoke it more than me, and she actually taught me Spanish lines that I didn't know she They were actually like you look quite sexy and like things like that. So I was just like talking to people thinking I'm saying, hey, how are you going? But I was like, you really sexy.

So my mum speaks French and I was like, teach me something, and like the only couple of things I can say is like on par with that to a tobert leisure tem and it's like you're beautiful and I love you.

Yeah, yeah, I got nothing, honestly, that's it.

But that works too, you know.

It does work around here.

You have a face like that, you don't need any any like accents or other language.

Just the opera estrange charming enough.

So when did you come back to Australia?

I was like, probably, I want to say eighteen months, Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo was actually really cute. I just I look like et because I had no hair, I had these ears that sort of flicked out and my eyes were massive, so it was yeah, I don't that, and that would have been when we came home, so that probably eighteen months back to Canberra.

The spy returned.

And then what kind of a child were you like growing up? When you speak to your parents.

I was a good girl. I was like two, like getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like in KINDI had my hair braided, like I don't like breaking rules.

Like wow, yeah, are you the youngest of three in the middle the middle of how many three three?

I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try. I was more like I wanted to be social and like a sporty kid. That was sort of my thing. So popular. But like just because.

I played sports, did you get into trouble at all? Do you if you were a really good girl and thought.

Okay, if you look back now and you go, this one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble.

I tripped up, guys, I'm sober in my twenties. Was just trouble the whole ten years. It was trouble long soberfore ten years. Wow, yeah, congratulations. Yeah, So I was a good girl until I could drink okay, and then it.

Took a tur what what really, your parents would be like, oh my god.

Look oh the party that I threw at their house? Yeah, no, that sticks out. Yeah, And actually was house sitting for my cousins and I threw a party there as well. That was really bad because they really bad.

Yeah.

This is my twenties. So I was a gym beam girl, so I hung out with all that crowd and.

Stuff gymnastics, like I used to gym.

Definitely. Yeah, so like the Eagles and stuff like that. We used to hang out. But back when you could sort of mingle with the forty players, so it was it was fun. But yeah, we got a bit of trouble. So the party that you threw, someone went through the window. So we would have had it. We would have had it all clear. We were in the clear, like, we would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect. No one would have known because my parents were away.

Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this party or your friends being like, hey, Amy, you're the party girl, we should do it at your house.

I was never really the instigator. I was more of a sheep to be honest when it comes to that kind of stuff. But like, we had the coolest house my parents lived in that was in bag Alla Heights, so we looked over Clontaft and all that kind of stuff. So we we had like the pool and everything. So yeah, it was no brainer that it was going to happen when my parents left.

But the fault it totally is you probably didn't the pool and shit.

Yeah, so it says you.

Brought us upon yourself, know to that. So then when you got found out by your parents, like what happens? Then did you get disciplined?

Yeah, Well it's more that like that shame and that disappointment that you've got to live with. Rather because I was in my twenties, I was working and doing that, they can't really ground me, like I still have to

Do you think because I look at my girls and I always think, gosh, like they're so as a whole well behaved right now, then I often get scared that it'll follow that same trajectory where they're really good. Now I hit teenage years and older go off the rails for you. Was it just the people you were hanging out with, or was it the fact that you've been so well behaved that you were going to go just against the grain.

No, it's literally Alcoholism is like it can take anyone, you know, Like I was a private school girl, you know, really well behaved, as you said, the crowd, yes and no. But I put myself into that crowd because I wanted to be surrounded by people that would hide how much I could drink because they were drinking too. But when it started to get a bit older and they started to settle down and stuff, I really sort of went, wow, Okay,

Is going to have Yeah, and moment think, if you like got kids and you don't, you've got it.

At some point.

I expect that they'll do things like that right where they'll go, They'll do dumb things. They might pick up a bad habit. You can't expect them to be completely perfect. So no, it's like when do they pick it up?

Yeah, it just sucks though, because it's like it was so and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone drink and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over it now and I realized that if I drink it

The only benefit, I think would be the fact that you've been there so you understand, whereas if you're coming from a place of complete naivity, you might not know how to tackle it. Yeah, what was the trigger point for you realizing that you needed to get help in this? For serious?

When I was like drinking every night and hiding it and I was living with a guy, it just like he wouldn't even know that I had to have like a whole bottle of wine before I went like skull the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this by before because like, I don't want this to be.

What defines you.

Yeah, that's right. The second I open up about it, people know that I'm sober and blah blah blah. I don't really go into it because that will mean that I'll be sober amy type thing, and I don't want that to be my content. But I'm not ashamed and it is a part of my story, so I do like to share it when I can. But yeah, I I was just coming home everything the night blind and I don't I would wake up, I wouldn't remember being with him, like being like watching movies or anything like

Wow wow, say like the anomaly quit straight away in the first time. It's a journey to get where you are now, like you go fall in and out, and everyone's journey is going to be different, and everyone's addictions also is different.

So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the guys that would enable it as well. So the lovely guy. I've never had a bad experience with ex boyfriends and things like that. They've just been like ten out of ten guys. But I just messed it up because I was drinking. But I picked them because they were so naive to it all. Okay, but they're happy now.

I want to say congratulations, yeah, because I know you talk about it's not the content that you put out. I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing what you've gone through to be where you are now sober for how long?

Ten years? So I got sober about six months before I met Shae and I started nursing school then, so Shaye's never seen me drunk, and yeah, the life just started. Lafet started ten years.

Do you think when you talk about going in to rehab multiple times, was there anything different about the one moment where you got on the road to recovery and you stayed there and didn't go back.

Was it?

The rehabs that I went to were all like private rehabs and I had my own room and blah blah blah. I don't think that really has much to do with why that didn't work. It was all a process. But the last one that I ended up in was involuntary. It was either go to this one or you go to jail because I I don't or die like that. They were my options, do this, do that, all that, And it was the like grubbiest rehab and I was like like shocked to my system. But they did AA meetings.

And the others didn't.

The other ones did. But it's like, you can go if you want, but you can stay at home if you want to and work on your mind. You breathe, breath, work and stuff.

And I was like, that was ultimately it's up to you totally anyone else.

Yeah, And it was it was You've got a choice. And I never had been like sat with that choice in front of me. Do you want to die, do you want to go to jail, or do you want to get this and do it? And I think that was also when my mum just goes, I'm done. The boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had also gone done. Wow. So and through that we were together for about two years. For that time, he was

So that was that, yeah, wow, so brave And like I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol, it must be such a big moment for you to.

Go, Okay, well.

This is it.

Yeah, it's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think the fact that now we live down in Kayama, and Shade doesn't like he has a beer when he cooks a barbecue type thing. And he used to like he used to go out with the boys and stuff. He played soccer and was pretty up in the soccer world, and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks. And I don't really have friends that drink too much. Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having

So did you Australia from school?

So what I did my Diploma of remedial Massage out of college in North Sydney.

It's funny say that because my right shoulder actually.

The amount of times that's been so it was that was actually, yeah, that was pretty funny. When I was studying it, like the only thing that people could say was like, can you please give me so good to see you by the way.

Forcing shoulders.

And then because that was like hard work, I worked for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day. I was like, what else could I do with this? And then at the time, I had a boyfriend who was a personal trainer, and he's like, do this. So I did my sirt three and four of personal training.

And then you've got great delts. By the way, I have.

Been out with my four children. It's a lug them around.

Who got you into nursing?

Because I had all those times in hospitals. I watched the nurses and I was like, I want to do that. I want to be on the other side. And then when I finally got clarity and I got sober, and I had about six months in me. I'm like, I'm just gonna do it. I've got nothing else. I was completely single, just had absolutely like no care in the world, and I just went, I'm just going to enroll in my degree, just straight out go for our ns.

It's always interesting talking to people in a world where I have little to no experience other than the few times that I've been in hospital I've been in with my kids. I do want to ask, as a nurse, what would be the grossest thing you've had to deal with?

We wounds are so cool, Like I love a good Okay, okay, maggot therapy. Excuse me, why maggot therapy? Maggot put maggots on a wound to clean it?

Who does that?

Which hospital you work?

I'll just do that. It's like this new thing. Yeah, obviously your wound has to meet regulations and stuff like that, and it's maggots that have been trained like and built in scientific labs. Yeah, they get put on there to like clean the wound and baffled. Yeah, it's so exciting, is it?

It's exciting? How do they?

Okay, talk us, just talk us through the process of I don't.

I've only ever come and come onto a shift and had a patient that's already had them applied, so I just sort of had to manage it.

Did you get there and be like this maggots on this person? Yeah, they're on maggot therapy, thank you. What's going to be next? Puppy therapy?

Bring a bunch of puppies to lick the wounds.

Oh, not to lick the wounds, but that is actually a therapy.

I'm going to invent it. This is a zoo.

It was quite shocked too, when I, like, you see it on your handover, I'm like, was that? Am I reading that? Probably?

Okay?

Yeah, And they just talked me through that actual Yeah, it's actually are real.

How do you get the nuggots out of the wound?

Well, they don't like kind of just kind of yeat, getting rid of the like bits around the side and all the sluffy bits.

Surely there's something else that we can use, Like.

This is the future?

Was like, are we going back in time now?

I want to talk about Shay. Yeah, you guys met in a very modern type of way.

Yes, yea wipes. Was it left or right? I can't remember it.

I am like pre tinder.

I went pretty hard on Tinder because you lived in as in London, how many years? Four years? Do you remember your first date?

Yes?

I So he's funny, like he is like a typical non not tinder, doesn't like to meet new people, doesn't like but where his situation at the moment at that time was he was living with two guys who were pretty heavy on Tinder. Well just like that's just how they met and went on dates and stuff like that. That was just a really so they put him on and I think I was the only person that he

I don't even know.

And I hadn't even I hadn't gone on that many dates because well I didn't really I just kind of liked looking to be honest, and he was just like this architect from Bully And I was like, I don't even know where Bla is, but okay, whatever, and I think it was just like I come home. I was working in a nursing home and doing full time UNI, and I was just started randomly messaging each other. He was very like one word and sentences. He's not interested in me.

Sure, yeah, it's like he's playing hard to get. Actually just thought.

I was like, he just doesn't think I'm.

Pretty much, and you're like, I got to crack this guy.

But yet he was hungover. No, he was out actually, so he probably had a few beers and he's like, I'll come to d Y tomorrow. And he came to d Y.

That's a long drive by far, is that he was hungover to two and a half hours, like two hours.

About one two hours to get here today, so another half an hour on that hungover. He was rusty. I haven't seen him like I actually have seen but yeah, we were at the beach and he walked over and I was walking to him. I was just like, that is the surfy dude that I need in my life. He's just like this cool, surfy dude. But then when you talk to him, it's just the modest, like so humble and just yeah he's cool.

You like love at first sight, Yeah.

Pretty much. But if we went to walk Bar. And this is another thing.

I used to live on Parade there, so like right.

And that apartment block opposite the petrol station there, and my mum's actually in d Way Parade.

Now, yeah, my parents got married on at surf on the roof, pool on the roof.

That's you guys could have been like related, you wouldn't get it.

He doesn't like walk Bar. He is a Snitzel, chips and salad kind of guy.

Respect.

But I was like, let's go to war. I didn't know any of this about him, and he just ordered what I ordered, and I just got. I got a luxA And when you like it, when you don't know how to eat a luxA.

Yah, sippy sippy dish, I don't know how.

I think he it's like a soup, but like it's.

A noodle soup.

He's not a meal, so it's a drink.

No, but it's like chopsticks. You've got noodles and you go.

Oh, okay, okay ramen.

Yes, basically, but it's like a coconuty, like more milky kind of it's beautiful. Try me try to try it.

Write that down so we can have it's like hot laughter as well.

So it's very when it comes in, when it.

Comes out both, but when yeah, so when I can only imagine now again now knowing him, when that came what he was, Oh my gosh. And I swear he's probably had like two bites and that was it. And I didn't really notice because we were just like chatting and the conversation was flowing. But then when we went to leave, I'm like, are you still hungry? Are you? Do you want to eat it? Do you want to take it away? And he's like, I'm good, I'm so modestate. Yeah.

He probably like got back in the car.

I was like, fuck, he's got a three and a half hour drive, there's plenty of McDonald's on the way.

Do I ourself the way?

That was the thing. It was like it was lunch and that was done, and he's like, so what next? And I'd never really I thought, like, I've never really had that sort of comfortability with someone, and he just wanted to keep hanging out, and I was like, well, there's a bowling alley around the corner. Do I bowling? And we went to play bowling, and all I can remember is just checking out his calves because he's got like those surfer.

I know, the ones, I know the calves.

It was bowling. I was like, holy ship, did he have had all the all ticked all the boxes of the surf you d and the watchtown.

Yeah.

I watched him and then that was and we'd finished that, and then he's like, well, what next, and I was like, he's like.

That.

So we just sat by the lake and then we had our first kiss. And then I'll stop the.

Beautiful first it's the first day, not the first day.

Get this though. This is the clincher. I went. Then I was meeting a friend, so I just went straight to like the restaurant, and he went home. I sent him a text and I said, I think I'm going to delete Tinder and he wrote, I've already deleted.

Well done, lock that down.

Like we literally were camping the next weekend together. I loved to Probably I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend, but it was very sick like yeah it was safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's actually an amazing story.

You guys had kids pretty quickly after you got married, like within the first twelve months.

It was two Like, not's not quicker than anyone else. I don't think like we.

Had we had kids.

Well, what we did is like, because I was still doing my degree, I wanted to finish my degree, and then I timed that by finishing the degree, getting married, and then trying for Mali. It took us about probably about eight nine months because I found out I had a thyroid issue. So once I started taking medication for that and sort of adjusting my hormones, we felt pretty quickly. Then I had the next one, and then the next one the next.

Did you always plan on having four?

I would. I wanted three, Like I loved the dynamic of me and my brother, my sister and my brother. But then when Billy was a girl, it was like we weren't shutting off to another one. Not that not that it would have minded if the was a girl, but it was a very nice surprise that it was just going to have that gender dynamic. And I've always wanted a little boy too, but we didn't go for a fourth To have a boy. That he was a shock actually because they're only like thirteen months apart.

Yeah, that's a surprise.

That's a good essay, because I know you've talked about always wanting to be a parent, Did the reality of parenting match up to the dream that you wanted it to be?

Yeah? I feel like I have never been more happy and myself. Yeah yeah, this is always what I needed, wanted, wish for a dream for This is me.

Like I most beautiful, my element.

Yeah, and I know it gets crazy and charaer, but like I like that act.

My job like you reflects a new content. But you can tell that your aura that you love it, love it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just meant to be there and and just everything. When I think back by going back to rehab, when I was in that bed, I remember thinking to myself, I want, you know, house by the beach, kid's husband and not so much like I couldn't see it, but now I'm seeing and I'm like, this is this is what I was dreaming of. This is it?

Wow?

Yeah yeah, So yeah, it's all just making sense and all coming together and yeah, it's good fucking love that.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm just absolutely stoked for you and like to say, especially like having four kids and we often complain we only have two, but like I said.

It's all relative. Like my kids they all slept, they all slept. Body was like slept one of those ones that slept from like four weeks old through the night. The fourth one too, Billy was pretty similar to that too. So like if I wasn't getting eight hours a night, it would be a lot more difficult and I probably wouldn't have had four. And like I said, their temperaments,

Yeah, do you want to talk about Marlen?

Yeah?

At what point did you think to yourself, you and your husband, we might need to get some professional help here.

We didn't. We had no idea she actually had. She wasn't talking to her level and she wasn't eating. But I had no idea what autism was, had no idea, not even ever thought about it, never researched it, had no idea that that could be a possibility or our reality. She and then we went and got her ears checked because we thought, okay, that could be why she's not talking. Sure enough, she needed grammts.

How old, roughly.

Eh months was her first grammts and grommots. They go in. It's a full on general anesthetic process. It's like adenoids. Grummots tap tonsils and they put like a little hole where because she had fluid in her ears, so the grummots like a little like plastic things that keep the hole open to the drain out. Yeah, it's pretty common procedure actually, especially with autistic kids, but I didn't know

Even now, it's I'm going to say, there's moments where I'm like Marley and she's like, it's like I'm like the rooms. Other times where I say Marley, she goes, yeah, what's up. So it's so hard to know when they're just ignoring you because they're focused on something, and when it's something.

More it's more like that awareness of people around you. I think that is and if obviously, if she's focused on something, and if my other kids are focused on something, like you said, they're not really going to look. But it's more like that, say my five year old, I'll walk into the room, she's clocked me, she knows I'm there. She's like, she's like kind of observing what I'm doing. Molly doesn't, she doesn't have that, she doesn't want that,

It's such a hard word.

Now that's what we say. That's hospital terms as well. Oh speechy. It was just a chick down around the corner from us. So completely trust her and she was highly professional and highly regarded her profession. She just said to us, look, there's a few areas of concern, and we're like, okay, that's it's good to know that there's like but but what does that mean for us? How they play? So it's not it's deemed not not appropriate playing.

Those things, having an easy life, anything that might interfere with that, You go down to the worst case scenario.

So we sort of once I sort of came to terms with that, I did a little bit of my own research with autism and stuff and you know, once you sort of open up to that community, it just like and especially today in today's age with TikTok and stuff, like everyone's talking about it now, so it's becoming so much more open. Yeah, yeah, and spoken about and like it is the new normal. I guess, but what is normal really? But anyway, it was, I wasn't like it

Like, so what is from that point with the speech yet? And then how how do they test at that age for autism?

So we went to a pediatrician that specializes in like the mental mental side of kids. I guess we just spent an hour in the office and again they were just playing and she was trying to interact and she was trying to talk, and I guess they've got like a little checklist in their head.

Yes, there's a lot of observation is.

Yeah, that's it, and she said, yeah, she's got autism. The level of diagnosis can can vary because they're all so different. Because back then she wasn't really talking or anything, because I think that sort of elevated her level. She was diagnosed as a three, but since I think has been rediagnosed as like a two. But that could be a lot of the early intervention stuff that we did too as well.

How did it feel as a mom hearing those words or your child has autism? It was.

Yeah, it was like again because I just I didn't know, and I didn't have any friends that had it, had a child with autism, And I didn't have anyone in my community or close by to talk to about it. Well, I didn't think I did until it happened, and then it like friends just came like messaging me saying, yeah, like you know, Lucky's got like autism level too too, like let's talk about it together.

Yeah, it must be so amazing.

I think there's some parents digna behind it.

Is it your own stigma or do you think yeah, like.

You might think, okay, well, it's such a world of unknown and every parent who it's going to be their first time hearing that and feeling that, do you think that there's something behind you that think, Okay, well are we going to be as a family like maybe looked as like our cast until you reach out and people like, yeah, actually us too.

Yeah. I think at first I definitely had that feeling. My only my biggest fear was school, because like school's just tough for the kids, and then adding like a disability onto that, it's just like rough. As I say, it's so much more talked about. Even in primary school, they all know Maley she's in a special class because there is like a special little class in the school that she's in that has just extra support because she just needs that.

Now.

I feel like she's going to grow to a point where she goes, I don't want to be in that class anymore, and then we'll just pop her into mainstream. But I think we're going to let her make that decision because right now she needs that extra support. But yeah, look, I it wasn't so there was a little bit of how I was feeling, but and how it looked. I guess sort of, I guess I'm not gonna lie probably, but it was very quickly shut down with like, let's just get this girl help and do the best that

How do you help?

We did, so the speech pathologist speech she had connections and that you can do like quite intense early intervention therapies like OT behavioral theorish occupational therapy. Yeah, to just lucky, and they do stuff like sensory stuff because obviously with autism they've got a lot of sensory issues and they touch on that I don't actually know, and this speech is like obviously working with but at that age, speech pathology is also about playing and appropriate playing and taking turns.

Though.

Where we went had group interactions as well, so they would we we're like this place called the Kids UNI. So they had different therapists and they all had their own different like one on one child and then they'd come together and play as a group just to teach them that sort of social interaction also to.

Like probably observe them in a group.

Yeah.

Yeah, because like you're saying, like she's so focused on her her body, what she's doing that, you can think like if if they just were alone the whole time going through this, then they won't develop that.

But she also would love to be alone. Yeah, yes, But it's funny though, because Maley's very good at masking and she's very excited to be around other kids. But it's very sort of when you watch her, it's really awkward because she doesn't really know how to interact, but she's so happy to be there and she's such a bright, beautiful kid that the kids just want her out there.

You can imagine, Like you can imagine like an only child going through that and not being able to pick up on other social cures, social cure kids cues.

How often do you currently go to this speechee and the OT?

We don't anymore. So we did intensive therapy from three to five, and then she started school at six, and because she's in that support class, they have support teachers who are pretty trained in those areas and to help her along. And then we have the speech befologers come to the school and do their session at the school, the public school.

It is yeah, that, I mean, that's crazy, how far like we've come that God, our generation, imagine that like seven year old, she's in a class for extra support and they've also got an OT and a speech.

And they do like they do mainstream interactions throughout the week where she she'll actually play in the playground with the mainstream kids and have sessions in there. Because our goal will not like as soon like when she's ready, but the goal is to get her, you know, to mainstream if she wants that, Like that's it's all going to be up to her.

You mentioned before, she's sort of turning into a genius.

Any anything in particular.

And do numbers better than I can do. Wow, I'm terrible at numbers though, so anyone can do it.

It's guilty.

Numbers are not my fortee plus seven. I'm like, it's like twelve as I was going to say thirteen. No she yeah, so she can multiply subtract time stable in her head.

Yeah, just without writing it down.

Yeah. She'll sometimes come up to me and be like for eight, sixteen and off. I'm a really incapable parent right now. But she watches like number blocks and stuff like that, and they're really good shows for her.

Good luck when she starts high school.

She's, yeah, insane, but her dad's like, Shad's like that too. She's pretty brilliant.

Actually, I need to ask your advice, yes understarthing, because Ash and I are currently on the cusp of transitioning our kids into kindy away from daycare. As someone who's already experienced that world, what are the hardest parts of starting school?

The thing is, my start with Marley was very different to your traditional kickoff to kinny, So I'm doing it to this year.

Yeah, hands.

Yeah, because with the support class, they they got your number and you have like a special like you can contact the teacher.

So you're like asking your teacher like so.

To go around the wrist is good to find out what my other kids are up to.

Can we do that to head in Ye.

So I feel like I've got a bit of a warped idea how it is. But like, honestly, and and in saying that, India is very different to Marley, She's very sensitive. So I feel like I'm going to go through a few rollercoasters with her. She's so ready. She's wearing she wears the uniform to daycare like she's got Mally's.

Old unif bed.

She she actually will the script to bed the other day waiting.

For our uniform to turn up, for Oscar to never take it off. It's gonna be perfect in the morning.

But just prepare for them not wanting to go, like because it's it's like you've got to go here now forever. So and they're like, Okay, mine only went two days to kindy, so it's like you've got to see this transition every single day. You've got to go here. I would just say walk them in for as long as they need to, Like you see other parents doing the kiss and drop and all that kind of stuff, but

Kiss like the front game.

Don't even get out of the car.

Oh what Yeah, yes that's going to be and they go in.

And like what they do I don't know, And it's that's the that's the scary part, the unknown of Like they're going in there and it's like, you know exactly what these kids do every single day that you know when they're peeing, you know where they're pooing. They're going to this big like red brick building and you have no idea and you don't find out. You don't get updates.

Yeah app of daycare.

A cute little shot of them. Maybe they're triangle?

Why not?

Seriously, Like it's that's the hardest thing is probably you're letting go.

Actually, you know what I think some people might want to know is the school that you're at. It sounds amazing for Maley. Was that by chance? Was it luck that you found that school and the support networks that they have to deal with the child with autism or.

So, there's two schools in our area. We actually moved house to become the CA yeah to this school. I think she would have been considered anyway, because we were going for that specific class and we had to apply for it and everything. But we wanted the other kids to go with them. We want them to go together.

Oh for sure.

I do have one last question before we go, and we do ask this to a lot of our guests. I have forgotten a few times, not on this occasion, when your kids are all grown up and they're no longer living at home, what's the one thing you want them to remember about the house they grew up in.

Just the fact that they could put stickers on the walls if they want to do, or they could just decorate their bunk beds with like they can just you know, within reason, it's a home, do you know what I mean? Like there's a thousand toothbrushes, there's like they've got backpacks everywhere, toys everywhere. Like it's clean. It's clean. I'm not a hold on, but like it's just it's so homey. And we've got this big buffhead dog out the back, and like we just go out the back and they.

Just look like it's just home of fun.

Yeah it is. It's nice and we're seconds away from the beach and we all walk down to the beach and just that, just that together, nurse, I think, And they do they they love each other. They do. They fight like cats and dogs, but like they don't know any different, Like what they know is like that. And children in the living room, everyone's you know, screened on everywhere, but like there's discipline, but they can still just have fun. They're just like it's just fun.

You know, your kids are so lucky to have such an amazing mom.

And we really appreciate you sharing your story the hard times of course all the good times.

So thank you so much for joining.

Us, Thanks for having me. It's been a boas I love it.

Thank you so much so much. Suregus. Podcasting has actually made me quite hungry, ravishing, And because we have ams here who is an absolute specialist in making food with leftovers, I thought we would just quickly do a little video about making I don't know, let's say muffins.

There's nothing I love more than my kids leftovers. Trust me, try to trust you.

So if you like to watch a video on us doing our best to make some muffins with aims. Head to our social media and you will see some chaos unfolding.

And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, leave a five star review, leave a little note that would be great, or join us on socials our Facebook group which is two Doting Dads on Facebook, or our Instagram which is also believe it or not, two Doting Dads.

What should we get our chef's hat on? Yes and get to it.

Yes.

Also, if you have any other guests it would like us to speak to, please send them away. And lastly, before we go.

If any of the topics from today's episode have struck a chord with you, Matthew and you need some sort of help, we got some links in the show notes that could be really helpful.

Ash Let's get cooking. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight onland the people's Today. This episode was recorded on gadigle Land,