Can I ask how I got wrote into this episode?
Because Ashes on holidays, it must be nice, must be must very nice. Welcome back to two doting dads. I am Maddie Jay and I am a doting mum Laura Ben. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is a good, it is a bad.
It is the relatable is that I don't know them.
Tackle that was very good. I can't remember that.
I've listened to this podcast a couple of times. You guys are very good. Ash is also exceptional, So I've got big shoes to feel.
Okay, that episode you listened to in the car that was on the drive down the South coast, that was probably one of our best episodes we've ever done. And I was so nervous because I was like, oh, I don't need to listen and judge me. And I was listening to it back and I was thinking, this is one of the best EPs we've ever done. Ever.
To give context to that, So we were driving down to the house. I don't know if you've spoken have you spoken.
About the house every week?
Okay, right, Tamha must be nice. So we we were driving down to the house that we're renovating down South, and Matt was like, Okay, I need to listen to this episode just to kind of give it the one sover it's been edited. It won't take long. And I was genuinely surprised by how good it is. Not that I had any doubts me or Ash or both, just the chemistry unparalleled. Thank you anyway, thank you, thank you for having me back.
Our listeners know that obviously.
I also am now a listener. So and also, god.
Damn it, I fucking hate that you're like like, oh my gosh, we got another million downloads, and you're like you're over there, like at a buffet table of like wings and steak and chicken and Ashna I here with.
Like your fucking socks on your microphone, rolling around in cat hair.
Just battling every single week, whereas you're over there.
Hey, speaking of cats. I want to talk to you about Raspberry.
Please tell me you're thinking about it. It averse. I don't know before before sorry, what happens normally this part Laura is Ash and I will have a beer and then we have.
You know how much I love beer so well?
You do like beer. You have had a stony before and you were like, oh my god, this is really delicious. And I was like, fuck yeah, my wife's one of those cool women who drink beer.
You're trying to call me a pick me was I like, oh, I drink beer now, it will impress my husband.
And I just saw, yeah, all you have to do is play cricket now, and fucking there we go, grow mustache and peg mey?
Is this what you and Ash do when I'm not home?
This is this is literally like the man of people who were like you and Ash are clearly fucking each other?
Can you please change the sheets? You do record from our house?
We did? We did. We're out there one undred hundred episodes and I did a little call out being like, hey, guys, what should we do to celebrate? And this one each other called David was like, cover yourself and oil and then record a podcast and then wrestle and film it. We're like, all right, David, we'll do it for the right feet.
That's for the only fans channel. You can't give that content away for free. No one's forcing you.
If it gets us a new listener, all.
Right, look, let's do the very lucrative stone Wood sponsorship.
Okay, This is oligatory craft for before you sorry, rush into that attack that beer with your fingernails. This is the Hinterland big Ale. May I just give you a little description, Laura, of the drink you're about to have.
It says mandarin, citrus, peel and pine Eclipse. That sounds like a summer holiday.
It's got mint in there.
I hate mint.
Doesn't have mintent? Oh god sake, Laura. No one is making beer, and especially a brand as good as Stone. What is making a beer with eclipse mints in it? What does it say? Clips?
It says at the top it says Eclipse, mandarin, citrus, peel and pine.
I don't know what the eclipse means. Let me see, just hear.
It also says pineapple, pine and herbs. So it could have mint in it because mint is a herd.
Okay, this is a Hinterland pale Ale full flavored. It's a limited edition, though, Laura, and it's a balanced pale ale lighting up the Southern Cross with ossy ossy clips. I don't know what that means.
Let's try it well, run in because if it's limited release, it won't last long. Ah. I just squirted myself.
That's what she said.
That's usually ash all right, very happy. I can get around it. But you again, all right, let's go on. Raspberry. That's sorry, that's not the Raspberry is not in the can. I want us to talk about the cat.
No, you wouldn't be surprised. There's a lot of like for your notes on this. Before we go on, I just have to say that if you want to get your hands on this beer the Hinterland Big pal Al, head down to Dan Murphy's a bws around the country or jump on their website Stonewood dot com dot au and get it delivered to your door. Laura Burn, I.
Would like to know your honest opinions on the cat.
Ah, she fucking sucks.
You hate it, don't you? I see you look our cat with such distain. And to be fair, she's a real She's a real like bus shelter cat. So she for anyone who's not aware, I don't know how much the story you've told. We got her through a rescue. She came from a literal bus shelter and she has like real scrappy vibes, Like she kind of looks at us sometimes and she's like, why the fuck did you take me from my home. I liked being in the bus shelter. This place is too cushy. She tries to
shred like the kids. Every time the kids walk past, she tries to scratch them.
Every single time Lola walks past her. I thought it would be yeah, literally like swiping out it with her like claws hanging out.
She does the same to Nana, and Nana can't run very fast.
Nana fucking hates that cat.
I know she does.
You do too, No, no, only because Laura, we have to hang with the cat at home and not around and all the cat does is like it just fucking scratches everything, and it just like shits and pisses all day. And then if you leave any food on the kitchen bench, like doesn't matter how many times you've been like, ah, don't get up there, it will just fucking take it.
It does. It does do all of those things. But she's cute too, and she does like a little head scratch.
Does she though not really does she.
She's very wild. I think she's quite close to being like a leopard or something.
I mean, every time we go outside for any reason, she is like she is like a prisoner who's been in isolation. Its whole entire life, and it's just gagging to go outside.
I think Raspberry hates living with us as well.
I don't think no one's enjoying the situation at all.
Oh, we give her a good home. I really try. I'm sorry.
Are you happy though?
I do love her?
Yeah? I'm happy? Hand on hard? Do you?
I wish she was nicer to me, but yes, I do like it. I just wanted to want to cuddle me, but she doesn't want to.
How does she compare to your other cat? What was its name? Ninja?
Ninja? Look for anyone who's who doesn't know my Instagram handle, Lady in a Cat. Go throw your follow Lady in a Cat?
Well, hang on a seconds.
The reason why it's Lady in a Cat is because once upon a time, when Matt and I first met, I had a cat and his name was Ninja, and I would always say that Ninja was quite like a dog like. He would do things that Buster would do because they were best friends. I'd hang out together. I'd take Buster for a walk, Ninja would come with us. We'd all go for a walk around the park together. He would sleep in my bed at night time, he
was super cuddly. And every time I describe Ninja to Matt, Matt's like, well, you don't like cats, you like dogs. You just want another dog.
No, I think that's why I had. I had Ninja for Muster, been like a couple of months.
Yeah, you didn't like him either, though, but he was beautiful.
Did I not like Ninja?
I think Raspberry will improve. She's still a kitten. She needs some time. She's got that real bush shelter vibe about us. She's just got to get out of the scrappiness and in it. You know, a year's time, she's going to be living here in Bondai in a lap of luxury, like she just.
Wants to be out there working the streets.
She does.
She does.
I don't know if that's a good reference.
Doesn't suit this lifestyle.
Let me tell you. All my brain was doing then was figuring out whether what you were saying was going to get me canceled.
I fucked the cat. It was once. I regret it.
Okay, Well, look ashes away, I am filling in. It is a one show only I would like to maybe two. You haven't told me.
That, maybe too. We're not sure. I forget when Ash comes back.
I would like to point out that, because I, you know, podcasts for a living, I came to this prepared.
I'm recording. Am I recording?
Yeah, I'm recording.
If that if my camera angler is not good, I don't want to sound like a DV here.
I mean, it's it's your face. I can't change the way you look.
Okay.
So I came to this recording today with several points. The camera's good, You're good.
Okay.
I've written down Raspberry, Matt peas in the pool period, nappy Lola falling asleep on helicopter, penis slap, crying, penis slap, bribing Lola, and I would like to point out that you have prepared nothing. How we roll, baby, Well, it's good to see someone's doing the heavy lifting here.
That's how we rob because Laura, I just I wanted to give you the opportunity to show everyone on two doting dads how funny you are. This is about you, not about me.
It's because you did no preparation. But it's all right. At least we've got someone here to steer the ship. As you guys know, we have just gotten back from a cruise and I've learned a valuable lesson over the last couple of days because I have been loudly and proudly telling everyone that I am now a cruiser. I am a cruiser. I love to cruise. I am a cruiser.
You've been ridden by the cruise bug. Yeah.
I also found out today that's saying that you like to cruise means that you like to solicit sex. You cruise for sex. It's a like a It's like a term that used to be used for people who like hide out in parks. And when I have sex with people, it's not look at us like Mitch told you that didn't know it's true. I googled it today. I said it to my boss last night, who works in radio. I was like, I am cruiser. And kiir On who runs ARN, was like, you need to stop saying that to people.
Gay slang term. Yeah. In the sixties, people would cruise to arrange. Okay, I think it's fine.
Okay, Well we cruis loud and proud.
You're a cruiser.
We are cruisers, and we were both very guilty of.
Turning our noses up with people who would take cruises. I would look at those people as the type of people who would have fake plants in the house. Yeah.
I honestly remember saying I would rather eat my own shit than go on a cruise. And so I said that, and that you went on the last Pano cruise, you took Nana, you took the kids, and I preference going to work overgoing on that cruise. Like I could have moved work around, but I was like, we don't want to go on the crew.
You didn't want to go. I was so annoyed, and you couldn't come in that cruise.
I was like, Nah, not for me. Cruising is not for me. But this time, so this trip, my mum's had a really, really tough year and she really wanted to go on this cruise as well. And so it turned into Matt organizing it. Ellie was going, my mum wanted to go. Matt invited his sister. My sister then came, My brother flew in from the United States. He came as well, and there was fifteen of us and seven of those were children.
And that, to me, on paper, would be an absolute disaster for me. Anything that requires like multiple groups, I could do two groups awful, maybe three, But we had fifteen people, fifteen people in the group.
I honestly thought we would be tolerating this trip. I was like, cool, we're going to go on a family cruise. It's going to be awful. We will tolerate it, and everyone's going to come home exhausted. We got there on the first day, and I want to say this, I know that you guys have been working with p and O. I personally have not been working with p ANDO. I did not care at all about the whole situation. I had so much fun on that first day. Everything was
so seamless. It was so easy that I was like, oh, is this the point where I sit here and eat my own shit?
Like?
Do I do it at dinner time? Do I do it for disa dinner? I had so much fun, and I think it was for me. It was the lack of the logistical planning, because when you go on a big family holiday, the thing that's the most annoying thing is the fact that you have to organize the taxi to get to dinner or you guys, you all get to the beach and then it's windy and the kids are having a shit time and you got to figure out like a solution when we.
Were all on the cruise. It's the transitioning as well, of like you got to get the kids ready, They've got to book the taxi, got to wait for the taxi, the taxi is late, all of a sudden, you're too close to dinner time, so you're not even at the restauran, but the kids are already hungry and they getting upset.
So all of that is it's just a nightmare totally. So it's all that logistic. It's the mental admin that makes holidaying and big groups really annoying. And so going on this cruise where everything was contained, like there was this one day where the weather wasn't great and we'd plan to take the kids to the pool, and we got to the pool and everyone was cold and everyone was complaining, and we're like, oh fuck, what are we
going to do now? And then we all looked at the itinery and somewhere on the boat there was karaoke, and all of a sudden, at two o'clock in the afternoon, the kids are there doing karaoke. So, yeah, I am a born again cruiser.
It's fucking great.
You'll find me in your gay park. I will be there.
Yeah, I loved it. People have been coming up to me being like, was it actually that good? It's like a cult.
It's a cult.
Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, just come and try it. Just just have one day, one session, that's all you need, and then you'll be converted. It's the most fucking life changing experience other than like becoming a father I've ever experienced.
Well, I know you guys talk about like parenting side of things, So I mean, this was something that happened whilst we were away, and I wanted to bring it up with you because I have realized I do something as a mum which is probably not I mean, I've fallen into the habit of doing it, but I'm not particularly proud of it. I guess I would say I've fallen into the habit of bribing our children. Okay, if I want them to do something, I'd be like, you
can't have that unless you do this. We can't have that unless you finish this.
But also not to attack you here, Oh god, Laura. Something else you do is you make big threats. Yeah, big threats. They always say that they ever make a threat to your children that you can't follow through on.
They're not that. Give me an example, You're.
Like, I will kill your father unless you finish your chicken nuggets.
You can't. And I'm like, Laura, you can't say that.
You make big threats. I can't think of the exact ones that you make. But you're the type of, Oh, say we're getting off the boat. We're in the middle of the ice. Yeah, We're like, we're in the Pacific right now, cannot see land. And Laura's like, we will get off the boat right now unless you come here and put your shoes on.
Yeah. Yeah, I haven't quite mastered the art of like, what isn't it? What is an appropriate threat? So we were at dinner this one night and Lola wasn't eating and she was being absolute pain on the ass. Like I like Lola and I we we can vibe down. I feel like normally I can. I feel like normally I'm a pretty good communicator with Lola, and I can get her to do things that you, for example, can't do because she likes me more.
Just I love how sensitively you approach that one. She fucking does not like you.
Because I'm her favorite parents, she said. She even said on the cruise, Matt was like Lola doesn't like me, and she goes, Daddy, I love you, and you go, well, can I have a hugger? She goes, oh, no, she's right.
Do you think okay? Do you think there's any correlation? Just really quick to throw this out and get your thoughts before you continue your story. Do you think there's any correlation in the fact that you and Lola look like each other and me and Marley look like each other, that we're kind of like because we're so similar, that's why we get along so well. Because you know, me and Marley are pretty tight, you and Lola pretty tight. Is there a connection there or is it just coincidence?
Do you think it is mildly narcissistic that we named our child Marley Matti and Lola and Laura, but it's.
Mattie j Marley May. Yeah, it's fucking weird. We did parents.
We didn't plan it. It just happened. And then someone pointed it out when Lola was like six months and I was like, well, it's too far to go, Like, it's gone too far.
What have we done? Who are we? What have we done?
I's any connection there? No, I don't think that Lola likes me because she thinks I look like her. I think that's a weird No, you.
Look like each other. But just because you guys are like you were just cut from the same cloth, Like you're obviously the same DNA, but you're just like you know how, you have like a bit of a weird rib cage.
It's a condition we have, pectus excavatam. I think it's called you know, I once dated a guy, right so, he was a cardio thoracic surgeon, and the first time I took my shirt off, he went, you know, you can fix that. That's what he said to me.
Ah, are you prick crushed? Could you fix it?
Though?
Yeah, you can get an operation. Let's do it for anyone who is so confused by what we're talking about. I have a hole in my chest, like my my rib cage goes right in. It makes my boobs look a lot bigger than they are. But when I'm laying down, I just kind of look a bit deformed.
Lola has it a little bit as well.
I don't think that that's why we connect, man.
Because you guys have the same ribcage.
Yeah, anyway, let's move on to the story at dinner this one night, Lola was being a little bit hard to manage, and I have been using bribery increasingly. I've noticed, like I've clocked it. Okay, I'm not proud of it. Anyway, she wouldn't eat her dinner and I said to her. I was like, Lola, you gonna eat eat your pizza, or we're going back to the room and there will
be no donuts. So she this. I said, yeah, I'd said this a few times, right, So then I had to follow through because she and I know Lola, like, if she's wants something, she's stubborn as hell. But the second I pick her up and I look as though I'm going to follow through with the action, she goes, no, no, no, I'll eat it. I'll eat it. So she wouldn't eat a dinner, and I was like, that's it, Lola, no
dessert for you. We're going back to our room. So I pick her up and we get to the front door and she has a full meltdown in the doorway of the restaurant, like like a puddle of humans, kicking and screaming and everything else. And then I picked her up and I was like, no, Lola, there is no dessert tonight, we're going back to the room, and she goes, okay, Mommy, I am very very, very very very tired. I am very tired. And I was like, fuck, I actually want to desert.
I didn't want to go home to the room, so I was like, we're going back to the table when you're going to eat.
It's so fucking annoying when the bribe doesn't work.
It didn't work, and then I realized that she's clopped it. She knows I'm not going to carry through with it anymore. So the bribery no longer works.
You have ruined our children.
I got broken by a three year old.
It was only a matter of time.
It was she's genius. Though she's a smart kid.
I think she was just so utterly exhausted though I don't think she knew exactly what she was doing.
No shame though, I will stop bribing that.
Did you give a donnuts to the end?
Yeah?
She had a donut? I ate them too. You had a great time.
I go back to your list, Laura, there was an item on there that it was a total accident, and accident not because of it happening. I knew it was happening.
Spit it out.
There's an accident that you found out about it. I was peeing in the pool and the okay, in my defense, in my defense, the toilets were very far away.
Inconveniently far away, inconvenient right, And it was also a little bit windy as well, so I didn't want to get out of the pool dry myself off, because you can't like walk stopping wet through you know, the corridors of the ship.
So I was like, I'm just going to do a quick little we wii.
I think just call it a wee wee, quick little we wie. I think I just discovered a new dick and that there is nothing attractive about a thirty seven year old man describing going to the toilet as doing a we.
We Well, that's unfortunate for you, wow, because fucking married to me and daddy has to we week.
Daddy's got a wee wi Okay, we're all in a pool. It's a small pool. It is a pool where the kids are playing we're playing wall. It was a small It was the smallest pool on the boat.
So it was like imagine, imagine it was at least fifteen meters it's a small pool twenty five meters.
I swim over to Matt to give him a loving embrace, and I was like fuck.
Fuck fik five frank flak fike five funk because I had just started to wee and I look over and You're like a coming for me, and you just had this look in your eye where you were like I want to cuddle. You're like you're like having a moment where you were like, this is great. I want to now embrace my husband and just have like a little beautiful moment between us.
And I did embrace you, and I had pissed, like Matt.
Streaming out my jab sigh. Sorry, I apologize, Are you okay? I was just like weeing profusely, so I.
Wrapped my arms around that. And I also he's kind of like sitting spotting and I tried to sit in his lap, which in that moment is when I realized that I was surrounded by a warmth.
Could you feel it? Yes?
That was not very nice. And this is where I want to ask the question for everyone listening, is this something that we're doing as adults, like as adults, so we're still pinging in the pool and no one's talking about it.
It's like you're cool of doing it. They're just not talking about it. And you can't ask the question because people will say, oh my god, I never do that. They all do it.
Pull it, put it up on your two doting dad's Instagram. I want the polls. I want to know because I think, for example, I think a lot of adults pick their nose, right, they just do it when they're in the car. They do How else do you get the boogers out right? Everyone's picking their nose. No one's going to admit to it. Is it something like that? Like? Am I have I misunderstood this? Are we still peeing in the pool as adults?
Did you we in the pool? No?
I didn't. I was cold and then they went to the bathroom, but you beet in the pool? And I was like, I guess, are we all doing it? Just like I don't think we should endorse it. I think that the answer is surprisingly or maybe not surprising. I think the answer is going to be no. I think people are not doing this.
For the record, it was one time only. I never normally do that in a pool.
I doubt it. Also, it's kid pool, it's full of piss It's fine.
I mean the kids. Okay, this is going to sound so bad. But Lola at the time, not many people were in the pool, and Lola was like, I need to do a wee wieze and I was just like, ah, you're good, last kid. Let it run free.
And then Peano was never sponsoring you again.
And then and then I think Alisha was like, Tazzy, who is Alisia your sister? Tazzy her daughter? There we go makes sense perfect. Tazzy was like, I need a wee and Alicia goes, do not do it in the pool, and Lola goes, I am, And I was like, ah, that's my kid. Our entire family is just pissing in the pool. Nana Ellie as well was just like squatting over there doing a pisso also yeah, but she got.
Home, but she wears Tina pads anywhere. Well, with all of those little topics that I brought out of the way, I wasn't recording. You're kidding, Jake. Sorry, Let's get into the questions that you guys asked, because Matt you put up a question box on Instagram. You asked whatever relationship parenting, I don't know whatever questions you have for us, and we're going to do our best answer them. Question number one, this is one. Wow. All right, let's get straight to
the point. How's the sex life with your mum living with you? Guys? Now, so if you are not aware, I'm sure most of you are. We live with Matt's mum. She moved in with us maybe six months ago.
Now, yeah, I think I think it's I think it's improved. I reckon.
Okay, why would you suggest that it's improved?
Okay? As an example, Okay, we're away for four nights. Right, We're in a room where it's a sofa pull out bed and we've got that our bed, so there's no kids room.
There's also no hanky pay here happening When you share a room with your children, even though they're asleep and they're in another bed and everything else, and there's a distance between you, if you can still spot them from across the room, ain't nothing happening in household.
We floated with the idea of maybe like doing it in the bathroom.
You floated. I said, no, it was I put it.
Out to the group. You knocked it back. The reason why I think the sex life has gotten slightly better thanks to my mum. Right, hear me out is the fact that the only reason why we were able to have sex on the boat, right is because my mom took the kids.
Yeah, but I mean that's she just came away on the holiday with us. Yeah, it's not like a living together situation. We don't haven't improved sex life because your mom's here. Have you do like your mama?
We haven't. Don't make it sound weird like that. We should utilize her more in that there's a park down the road, Okay, we.
Because she likes cruising too.
Okay, so we're really layme Laura in that when we get like a little window of free time on the weekend, you and I will go to the gym.
Yeah we do that?
Is that lame? Is that lame?
It's not lame.
We just like, you know, I think other parents out there they must be like, oh no, I would do that too, like I would get some exercise. Okay, we have the option. Okay, we have the option right now when we get this little window of free time, we could have sex, but instead we opt to then get in the car, go to the gym and work out for forty five minutes.
But the reason why we do that, and just to add context to it, the reason why we do that is because your mum would just be downstairs with the kids. Like it, there's nothing down the park okay, because there's nothing sexy about sneaking upstairs and going for it when you know that the children are downstairs watching Frozen and Nanea is making a bolonaise like it doesn't doesn't get me going. Surprisingly, that's fine. I would say that the
things are the same. Sex life is the same. We always find our house is quite good because Ellie lives in it. She lives at the very front of the house and we're at the very back of the house, so we've got a little bit of distance between us. The only thing, and it's more criticism of you and
your memory, Matt, because Matt has like sex blindness. I would call it so like we could have sex on a Friday and then have sex six days later, so like on the Thursday the following week, and Matt will be like, we've not had sex for a month, and he will say that every single time, we on average have sex every single week, and you act as though we've had sex once since twenty two.
I am so guilty of that, so bad.
And You're like, our relationship is so hard.
I feel like I don't even know you anymore.
Because it's been four days.
I'm over here starving, starving for any bit of affection. Yeah, and it's actually been like twenty four hours. I also sex the day before.
I know. Any time that you're like getting like a little bit frustrated by anything, I'm like, you're either hungry or you need a special cuddle. And then you're good. You're so easy, You're such an easy person to read.
I then fuck me more.
I don't have time, and me more. I've got to work. I've got a job. I've got multiple jobs.
I know. I it's not my fault that I love you and I love being with you. Okay? Is that a crime? Does that make me a bad person?
Can you blame the guy?
This one is from mon Hug, Mon Hug, thank you for your question. She asks, when did you feel like you two were thriving not surviving with two kids?
Oh, I'm still surviving. I'm not thriving.
We have tiny pockets where we thrive.
I don't feel like I've ever hit a consistent run of thriving. I think sometimes it can look like that on social media because you're only post the photos of the fun staff and the good stuff. I feel as though, yeah, exactly like you said, we have these little moments where like things kind of work really seamlessly, and then you end up in a new phase of parenting your kids, going through some regression about something, just the bribing stops working, and then all of a sudden, you don't feel like
you're thriving anymore. So I don't know if I ever have felt particularly like I'm killing it as a parent.
You have a tiny window where let's say the house is being cleaned. Okay, let's say it's a Sunday.
Whisper it to me.
We've had like a homebody Sunday where we've cleaned the kitchen, we put the washing away, you know, like we're on top of all the daily boring tasks that we have at home. I've done some gardening, the kids have been fed.
When you have filled that green bin, oh stop it excited. It's like that. Sorry, I forgot to add that to the list. Feed you have sex with you feel the green bin.
Oh, that's all it takes. But when you have those little pockets and you're like, I feel like I'm on top of everything. You're like, this is fucking great, and then it doesn't last for more than half an hour and the kids start drawing in the walls and start having an attack at each other, and then it all unravels pretty quickly.
I do think though, having kids at are three years old and five years old. I remember when I first had Mali or I first had Lola, and I would ask people that had older kids, like, does it get any easier? And people who had older kids would always say, it doesn't get easier, it's just different, and I disagree. I actually genuinely think now that the kids are older,
it is getting easier and easier. It's getting more and more manageable, and so I kind of feel like that's a real scare tactic for people who have younger kids. It's like, well, I still have it just as hard as you do. If you have little kids, you by far have it the hardest because they're so dependent on you. And now that our kids play together so well, you know, I don't want to say the independent because obviously they're not, but like I feel like we're they.
Drive themselves a daycare. They're now working part time jobs.
They packed their own lunchboxes. I mean, you joke, but like, yeah, the kids, the kids are great, and I feel like it's getting easier and easier and we've got the parenting thing a little bit more downpat, But I don't feel like we're thriving.
And I do think as well. Daycare makes a huge difference, a huge difference. Once you can have some time away from the kids and they're both in daycare, Like, that's a total game changer. You feel like you've got yourself back again.
Yeah. So, I mean it's always got.
Out to the parents who don't use daycare. How the fuck do you do that?
Yeah, I know you're the real saints.
Well said?
All right, next question having fun? Are you?
This is really fun?
Okay? Question number three?
What is okay?
What's your fight style? Scrappy? That's a scrappy fighter. Thatt is grudgy. You are a grudgy fighter.
I'm what makes you say that?
You take a little while to get over things, So, like, I feel like you're a bit grudgy.
I think your stuf, your best defense is an offense.
Don't you say this? You're the same. You're the same, You're the same.
You gaslight me.
The problem that we have you gaslight me. Stop using words that you don't know what I mean.
You're a gas lighter. The biggest downside to being married to a woman who has a podcast all about love and relationships is that she's very difficult to argue with.
I am difficult to argue with, and it's because I'm also quite stubborn. But the problem is that I think we have is that you and I have the same fight style, so we argue in the same way. Neither of us want to be in the wrong, like, neither of us want to have hurt the other person, so we kind of jumped straight to defensiveness sometimes. So if I say, hey, you did this and this hurt me, you'll be like, well, you did this and that's why I did that. And we do this and I do the same thing to you.
I apologize you very hard to get an apology at Laura Burn.
You apologize more, but it's because you're wrong more.
Sorry.
This is true, but your fart style, Matt is anytime we're having a disagreement about something and I say, hey, you did this and this upset me. You say, oh, I can never be right, and you throw your hands in the air, and then the argument can't go anywhere. You'd be like, oh, once again, Laura Burn's right, and so that's just a really it's quite belittling, but like you know, we're working through it. Therapy helps.
Okay, let's move on before we had a real blown argument.
We don't actually go to therapy. That was a joke. We've not You and I have never been to couples therapy. I think we do very well at communicating how we feel about stuff.
So far, but we should go to a couple therapy.
Yeah, you suggested it recently and I got to upset.
Why did you get upset.
Because you suggested it off the back? Do you want to remember why you suggested it? Because we hadn't had sex in a week. We had had sex in a week, and you said, I feel like we're not as can did and maybe we should go to therapy. Then we had sex once and you were fine. There's a common ament, a good look.
I'll be honest when I said that I knew what I was doing.
Did you really that's so mean? Maybe we do need therapy after all?
I was like I was, like, what, I just think it's health. We should go to therapy.
Yeah, what's your love language?
Uh, remind me what they are again?
Physical touch, words of afformation, acts of service, gifts.
And quality time.
I am gifts. I'm a zero like I don't need gifts. I don't care about gifts, Like gifts don't really do much for me. I am physical touch, and I am words of affirmation and also acts of service. I love it when you do shit for me and you're a real acts of service person, Like you're very very good at doing the things that make my life easier which make me feel loved, like paying my parking fines and and cleaning out my car.
Does that I've paid your toll bill in the.
Other d.
Like that. I love it when you do those sorts of things to me that I like my life admin stuff which I'm particularly bad at it really like that makes me feel super Lodkay.
What about when I sent the accountant some of the information they needed for.
Tax like stop is off? That is to me, I appreciate how much of the organization that goes into our life, and that makes me feel very loved because it lightens my load massively lightens.
My load too.
What's yours?
I think the same, the same, same. I don't know it gives?
What about the wallet I brought you?
Who is that?
Who knows?
Because you bought me a wallet? I already have a wallet.
I forgot I bought you one for your last birthday.
So you bought me a wallet when my current wallet's also like totally fine. So I was like, I feel bad. I feel bad using the new wallet because the like then the old wallet becomes redundant. So when the old it becomes too old to use, I'll transition to the new wallet.
So what this is? How much I'm not a gifts person. I bought Matt a wallet last year and a shirt that was too small and a shirt that was too small, which I thought he would really like. And I felt so bad this year that this year I bought him a wallet because I forgot about the wallet I bought him last year. I genuinely thought you were still using the wallet your ex girlfriend gave you. That's where my brain was at.
Oh, and you're like, oh, who'll see about that?
I can get rid of that girl.
Sorry, sorry, I apologize.
Why are you apologizing?
So I should use it the new wallet. Next question, what are your thoughts about divorce? Wow?
Hit me, as in like do I want to do it? Or just in general not us. I'm the product of a lot of divorce, as in, like, my parents got divorced a lot.
How many divorces in total?
So my mum was married three times, divorced twice. My dad was married twice but then also engaged a third time and separated, so they were pretty much married, but they never actually got married. So three and two.
So what's your take on divorces? Then?
I used to be very skeptical, not of divorce but of marriage. So prior to meeting you, I always kind of said I didn't want to get married because I didn't think it was worth the paper that it was written on. And I always was like I was never the girl that pictured my wedding or the white dress or any of that sort of fairy tale because it kind of just felt like it didn't mean a lot, I guess, And then meeting you, I don't know. We're a very good team together, like we are, We very
much support each other, We work really well together. I think we both saw marriage in a very similar way, and I felt confident when we were together that if
shit got hard, you would work on it. And I think, and this is probably maybe going a bit too deep, I don't know, but in my past relationships, I think I always lived with a really big fear that they were going to just leave, like that if I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough, if I wasn't like always on my best game, that if we had a fight, they would leave, you know, because anytime we did have a fight, often they would break up
with me or it was like very tumultuous. Whereas like with you, especially when we got pregnant. With when I first got pregnant, your reaction to that pregnancy spoke volumes about the person that you were.
How did I react? Again, I think I was just excited.
Yeah, but okay, so I mean, and like I said.
Maybe this is bitause it was a surprise.
It was a surprise, which is like, thank God, you're excited. But so I was in a six year relationship with my ex and he basically was like, if you if you ever got pregnant and you didn't have an abortion, I'd leave you. That's what he would say. And he would say it so frequently that it was an expectation that if I chose to not have an abortion, he
was not going to stick around for the relationship. And I thought that was normal, Like, of course I was hurt by it, but I was so naive to how people treated each other in relationships that I was like, oh, that's what I'm deserving of. And so when I told you that I was pregnant, I was so worried that you were going to be angry at me, that you were going to be like this is fucked, Like how we're going to fucking manage this? And you burst out laughing and you were so happy, And I was like,
this guy is a fucking good egg? Is a really good egg?
I was, Yeah, I was, Was that right, I'm Mariam? Yeah. I think I was similar in that I remember. It's weird how certain situations and conversations are those core memories in your mind. My mum and dad split up when I was about twelve, I think eleven or twelve, and I hated. I hated the fact that their family was being split up, even though I can look back and I know it was absolutely it had to happen, that it was so unhealthy for us all to be together under the one roof.
But when you're a kid, you just you can't. You can't understand, like you know what you know right, and even if what you know is toxic, it's all the safest version because it's what you're familiar with totally.
And I remember when my dad would cook the barbecue outside on the veranda. I would always just like it was like my job to get the tongs and get the plate. It was always just I would be a little helper. And I remember my dad was flipping the steaks and he looked a him and he said, Mat, if I can give you one advice in this world, it's never get married.
Oh wow, thanks dad.
And I remember thinking to myself, I was like, you're wrong, going to I'm going to prove you wrong. I remember like I'm so stubborn that I was like. I was like, no, I'm going to do it you and I was like, I'm going to make it work.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel very similar. Like I feel like I, you know, you either repeat the things that your parents did in their relationships because that's your blue print, or you like really actively choose to be different. And I think even though we're not perfect all the time, and we have our moments where we will accuse each other of gaslighting each other. Like we are so on the same team,
like we're never opposing each other. And and I have, like I have such strong faith and like reassurance and absolute, like unwavering faith that even when things get really hard, like we we're in it. We're in the ship together and we will work hard to make it better. Yeah, and that that's for me. Is like our marriage feels very different to them to what my expectation of marriage was.
Just because we're so fucking stubborn.
I love you.
Okay, Okay, listen back to this episode ago, Oh my god, loss back on the podcast again.
Okay.
The next question is, Oh, this is one that's not actually about us specifically, but it's around kids at weddings. What is your opinion on having children at a wedding.
I get so annoyed when people will send out an invite and say that there are no kids allowed.
I feel not that annoyed. I feel differently to you.
I think that there has to be a limit. I understand why people who don't have children don't understand why it's important to have kids there for people who do have children, But I think I think it's okay to not want to have small children at your wedding, Like if you give enough time for preparation of babysitters, etc. It's okay to make that, But it's not okay to expect breastfeeding mothers to not bring their babies, Like if you've got a baby that's under X amount of months,
I don't know. I don't have a figure in my head, but babies absolutely are and should be there. Are just an extension of their mother. They should be welcome no matter what. But I get why some people don't want kids. However, we didn't have that rule at our wedding. We were like, bring your kids, we don't care. Obviously, our kids were a massive part of our wedding. We had the dog there, the kids were there.
Especially. We know how hard it is when you're outside of a big city to a on a babysitter and then like b to then try and like you know, if you're there, if you've got kids for the ceremony, then you have to try and ditch the kids. You have to get back to your accommodation from the babysitter. Come back to the wedding. It's so hard logistically, but I don't.
I think having all the kids there made our wedding better. It was so fun and silly, and I think it was amazing. I loved having them there. The only thing was is that most parents didn't want their kids there for the reception, so most parents just naturally organized babysitters for bed times, et cetera, et cetera. Look, I don't
care about kids at wedding. I understand why some people are against it, but I think that often people's perception around it shift a little bit after they've had kids themselves. Not everyone, but some yeah idiots. Nah, it's not that bad.
Okay, last question, Laura, that I'm going to ask you, partly because I've been asked this question a lot by many different people, both in person and online, but also because I've never really had the chance to talk to you about how you feel, oh God, honestly, about the situation we're in right now at home where my mom lives with us.
How do you feel well?
We also can't talk too loud. She's here, she's about twenty meters away, locked in her We did, Okay, Can I just say what can I just say?
I'd say it.
Her favorite quiz show is The Chase, The Chaser. The Chase.
It's on right now, isn't it.
And there was like five minutes left and she was about to see whether or not the contestant beat the She didn't know. She literally sits on that couch at the edge of the seat being like, oh my gosh, like bitting her nails, being like will they win? And it was a really good episode. She was like Mum was like, oh my god, this is great. I don't know what's going to happen. And then we started recordings. We had to banish her to the room to close the door and she couldn't finish watching her quiz.
I didn't realize that, but I also don't I don't like podcasting with like spectators. So once we hit record, Matt was like, hey, Mum, can you turn the TV off? And can you go into your bedroom? So Paul Ellie's just sitting in her bedroom right now whilst we record this.
Sorry about that.
I would love to know your opinion. You go first.
I think overall, especially the last two days, Mum has been absolutely.
Mom's been here for six months and you're like, the last two days have been good.
We've got a good run last two days in particular, just because it's been like really really heg dick. You know, we were out last night. You know, Mom did the kids. She like, you know, as I was like racing out the door, she made me a little meal. She was just she was doing so much to make my life easier, our lives easier.
I love it, Like, and people ask me this question all the time, like living with your mother in law, that must be interesting, And it definitely had a moment of adjustment, like, you know, it's just having another whole body in the house. But I get along with your
mom famously, Like we get along so well. I think sometimes it's hard for her because we often work in the nighttime and she wants to have a chat and so like, you know, that's probably the only time when I feel guilty because I want to talk to her, but I have to get work done, et cetera. But I think it's I think it's great. Also, you need to be nicer to your mom. You're so mean to your mom about her cooking, and she's she does so much and you were like the cook the way I
went the cares and be cooked. I'm like, Matt, just be happy that she got the carrots.
I do you, child, I do need to be nicer to her. She's just so easy to wind up. I was like, I think those character are overcooked. She was like, they just they'd just been put on, and she was like, howdare you? And I'm like, Mom, I'm joking.
I no, we love it. But also for me, I think maybe I have a bit of a different upbringing. Like I grew up living with my grandparents, and I spent so much time with my grandparents as a kid.
So even when we moved out from living with myn nan and papa, they just moved up the road and my nan and my papa were like real parental figures for me because my mum was a single one with three kids, Like it was you know, it wasn't the easiest upbringing, and I got to have that with my grandparents, and my relationship with them was incredibly special, and I want that same thing for our kids, and so like it makes me really really happy that they get to
have that relationship with their nana and they're building that sense of like really connected family. So even like the small inconveniences sometimes of having like an extra person in the house, which is not an inconvenience, but you know what I mean, it's that's like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And I also think like if you swim with the current on stuff, like if you want things to be done in a particular way, like your way,
then that's when you would get frustrated by things. But I'm just happy that things get done, so I don't care, like it really does it her.
Way because you don't do anything.
I don't do anything in his house. I just walk in and I'm like, dinner's there, Washing's been done. It's so nice. I'm like a passenger in my own home.
It must be nice.
It must be nice, Laura.
Before we go, we do have a message from the one and only Ashton Wicks. He's having a delicious holiday over in Bali and he wanted to send us this.
I hope you're enjoying your time together on this record, and Laura, I appreciate you stepping in. It's tough out here on the island hot and yes, it must be nice. Now I have a hackle fuck that that happens to come from my diligent and well organized wife. I'm sure that Jess, our producer, has shared a photo with you which is a tackle box full of snacks now. April found this on TikTok. She loves to find little things to make things easier.
Now, this tackle.
Box is loaded up with all sorts of things. We've got oreos, fruits, crackers, anything like that. What she does is she does that the night before we get on a long flight for the kids. The problem with that is it can cause a bit of a mess. And usually when kids also see the healthy options and the unhealthy options together, you can imagine what they would prefer. So I just want to know what you guys think. It seemed to work except for when they saw the
aureo section and we're quite famished for an oreo. When one would say, and I've gone to the bathroom and come back and all the areos are gone, but the fruit still intact.
Let me know what you think.
I miss you guys very much so, and I mean i'll see it.
I'll see you.
Soon, I guess caybye.
That was a really long message. Doing his own podcast was get to the point. I do know this because I've witnessed it firsthand. April is very organized, yes, and it makes me feel like a very unorganized parent. She's the snack parent. She's got things bought and prepped and whatnot. And where the parents that are like, Oh, our kids are hungry, what are we going to feed?
I've got a bag of twisties and apple and some lint.
Take your pick, and I don't mean a lint ball. I just mean a piece of dust. That's all you got, some dried skin, pick your nose. We are not that organized as parents, even when we've been on this cruise. So we went on this crew went on a cruise. I went on a cruise when we were cruisers. I went to the shops and I bought all these snacks with the kids and I put them into a carry
on bag. And then we got on the cruise and my sister was like, I don't understand why you didn't take the snacks out of the boxes to save yourself room. I just packed full boxes of like a total box of music bars, a total box of tiny taties, like everything just got loaded in. Because I'm not an admin person, as.
We have discovered, I thought I thought it was great you're snack packing. By the way, I thought it was really well done. If you have time, bloody great. If not, just buy the kids a pack of chippies on the plane and that'll sort them out.
No, I don't think you need to buy them chippies on the plane. I just think that.
Don't pretend like you do not buy the kids' chips on every single flight that we have ever been.
On, Prinkles. I don't want people just think you bout them chips. I don't want people to leave this podcast thinking we only feed our kids smack on planes. We do, yeah, and Nana does a really good job of feeding them healthy stuff at the other times of the day.
No.
I guess my thing is is that there are some mums who are super organized and it helps them feel as though they've got, you know, control over the situation and they've got everything sorted for their kids. We are probably not as organized as parents. However, we are very adaptable and agile, and our kids eat lots of things, so like we can go to a cafe and get a sandwich or get a wrap or whatever, and our kids are happy to eat that stuff, you know.
So if you see us on a plane. Please feel free to donate any snacks leftovers that you may have to feed our malnurished children.
No, we sound like terrible parents.
Shout out to April. It is a great idea.
Yes, I think it's a good idea. Would we do it? Probably not? And I also think it's okay. It's okay if you're a parent, you're not that organized. As long as you've got a couple snacks in the bags and water, you're all right. It's a fed.
Very often we do not have water as well.
For that kids, stop it. Why are you trying to make out that way? Someone's got to call docs.
That's all we have time for. If you've enjoyed this episode, and.
If you even this episode, go on and have listen to laugh on Cart's great podcast.
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All, And if you didn't like me being on this episode, please don't tell us. We don't want that feedback. It's not necessary because I come very rarely, so you can just skip it.
We don't need that negativity in our lives right now, Laura, I will just say one mo thing. I think this episode is episode one hundred. I don't know if it is. It's not, maybe it's not, maybe it's one hundred and one. Anyway, we are doing something special. We're currently working on it. It will be some type of prize. There will be some kind of giveaway mechanic. We don't know what it is just yet.
Wow what I hook?
I know stay tuned or will be revealed very shortly and until then, we'll see you later. Thank you and goodbye.
Thanks for having me. Guys, were done, Okay, bye bye. You're gonna cry in oh oh?
Was that necessary? Was that necessary?
I love it's hot men who cry hot. No it's not, Yeah it is. Then fuck me, let's go Bye.
To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples to day. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land