Happy 50th : Episode 50 with Joe Gatto and Steve Byrne

There was a problem.

We're taking my hey, righting back to listen to two cool moms. I am Joe Ghatto.

I'm Steve burn I know how to sit in a chair. Joe literally almost didn't make it.

I've seen you stand and you'd fall down. That is true.

After you had a couple of years you you do it on purpose, whereas I do it like literally accidentally.

Good to see you, buddy, to see you, buddy. I'm happy, happy, uh, happy fiftieth happy, sorry, happy fiftieth? Is this it?

Oh, here's your gift for our fiftieth episode. Shut up, I got you a little something.

I didn't even Are you fucking with me? No?

Not.

It's our fiftieth episode, and I got you a gift because that's the kind of person I am.

So this is I didn't know. I didn't know we were doing this.

I know because I didn't tell you. You don't pay attention to things it should be.

Is it? Is it hard to open? It's okay, you got it. No, you're you're doing great. Wait?

Fuck, so this is this is our fiftieth It's like trying to take a bra off when you were younger.

Do you have the first braw you took off. Okay, here you go. The first bra took off. I take mine. I threw off for a long day work. Well my grandma. Okay, oh hey, you talk about your office a lot.

There we go, and I figured I figured we would get I think it's I think it's great.

I think you just do this. There this whole thing comes out. So there you go fiftieth. This is cool. Thank you.

So this is this is a picture, a photo of you and I. But this is printed on glass. Oh shit, okay, so it's from this box from a company called Fracture, which I had found and I liked. And we always talk about your office. And I don't know if you have a picture of me up at your home.

I don't.

I don't have anything in my house. No I have I have stuff you guys when we first hung out bud Light Lounge, Yep, you guys sent me an Oasis album that says thanks for the laughs, love the Tenderline.

There you have that up.

There's there's one or two pictures up that I just yeah, but this is awesome, thank you so much.

So this is that's the photo of you and I.

It's that guy the photographer, by the way, does amazing work best and he did a shoot for you.

Yes, Jonathan Thorpe, this is great. Yeah, he's a fantastic So that's this great. That's such a relationship.

This pretty much says it all. This is the face you make when you edit the episode. You go Steve, Steve, and it's like, Joe, it's all right, I make the funnies.

I put that down there. You go, thank you, buddy.

There you go, Bud fifty look at us, So I'll give me that. Put that in the boxes. That's what used to hang it.

Yeah, thank you so much.

It's awesome. You got a buddy. So fifty we made it to fifty episodes. We made it to fifty. Some highlights. Let's talk about it.

Coming up with the word bazonkers bazoncres definitely one of it all started with Yan par Yang farmer, which is what it was almost.

I still think that's that's crazy.

That was almost what we called it.

Great title, and I think even after fifty episodes, I still wouldn't know how to spell parmesan.

Yeah, I know it's tough. I've learned how to pronounce hen.

I say pene, Penny penn Pene, it's Penne, Yeah saying it's Penee, it's penn a.

You were saying Penne, you're seeing.

Pa and still can't get it right. You know the dessert panakata that's a little like it's lemon. Yeah, like a little little cake thing. It's like a little like custardy thing.

Of course, p A and analogies go to dessert. Yes, that's ass, that's Penna. Penne is p e n n A. Look.

I love doing the show, but I think my favorite, probably my favorite memories the last fifty episodes have been because we've gone on the road together and just the meals are my favorite part for sure, just sitting around hanging out bs sing, but just seeing how you order, Like I've never seen anybody order appetizers at breakfast. That one I forget, like Swedish place in what was it, like Wisconsin or something, the Dutch foot what was it?

Oh my god?

Yeah, And that was some we were just wood window. You go that looks great. We're like okay, yeah, and then my fatty sense was thing like I did it ever and then you got that oh my god. It was just it was one of the best meals I've ever had, and it was one of the best breakfasts I've ever had. And that's happened quite a few times with you. Yeah, and I consider myself a.

Food you know.

Look, I eat like an eighth grade, but I'd like to eat good food.

It is one of the one of the best meals I've had. You do did you skip bread? You don't eat breakfast? So it's almost lunchtime, you're getting you' getting hungry?

Now? Yeah.

I stopped in it as a bagel and it was one of those where you opened the door, You're like, Okay, we'll see you later.

It's just the line was just rat all right, God, we'll get one soon. But that means we've spent about fifty hours talking to each other.

Yes, that doesn't even include the road life, or include all the time we spent together on the phone, calls or any of that.

So fifty hours over about a year.

Right, what did we launch this? I think it was about a year ago, right, it's almost it's gotta be yeah.

Yeah, I think.

But you consider the fact that we did test we literally though we did six episodes before, yes, we never released them, and we did it over zoom and then we went to your old apartment downtown. We recorded a bunch there, and that's when I think there's probably eight episodes that are just out there.

I want want to drive zoom ones. I forgot how this is well.

We did the very first one. Do you remember the very first one you did? You call me immediately afterwards You're like, yeah, I felt like I was being interviewed, like you just had all these questions for me, and I was like, yeah, I don't know.

I was just trying to do my homework.

We're like, yeah, let's not do that.

Yeah, let's let's have a conversation. But that's what you have to do.

You have to find the voice. And then I think it was you that came up with uh the minute you said two cool moms. I remember it was one of those things like on the on the show, I just couldn't stop laughing, for sure, and I was like that this is gonna be great. But it was also, Uh, it's one of those things where when I'm on the road or you're doing radio or whatever and they're like, what are you up to now, Michael? I do a podcast with Joe Gatto from Jokers, and like, what's it

It's such a great, good title.

So if there's fifty two weeks in a year, I mean we have to be there, are right? It's not if, but yeah, there is.

You're right. I just checked the back. It all worked out.

So that means we have to be coming up on our year anniversary. Yeah, one year of doing this. Why are we still doing it?

So I have two weeks to get you something. Two weeks and anniversiversary? Is it paper? Paper? Is our first year? It will? What is glass photographs? Could you look to see when.

We posted the first episode of it? I wonder on the YouTube channel if you're not subscribed at this point, I don't know what to tell you, guys. I mean I don't know either. There's so much more we could do about it, so much.

We've we just give of it getting served.

My sister Gina, she she was like, hey, I started she started working out, you know, and she was like, hey, I listen on the treadmill every morning, and I'm like oh, I was like oh, She's like yeah, I just start listening to you.

And she's like Steve's really funny. I'm like, yeah, I know, and she's like, yeah, no, I didn't.

You know I've hung out with him, you know, Gina, she's from now and of course she's like you know, She's like, yeah, I hung out with them something like oh. She's like it's so nice, you know, to hear you every morning. I'm like, you could call me you are my sister, like yeah, but she she gets in to it. So people, I think have found it and just now are ripping through the episodes.

Yeah.

My father listens on his bike. High Dad, he does, I'll be riding on your bicycle right now. But he uh, he calls me and then he'll ask me about the episodes.

I'm like, Dad, I.

I'm sure you get it all the time with.

Jokers people and my parents are Dad. They don't call me about the show. So thanks for bringing it up.

Bud. March first, twenty twenty two is the episode one of Tookool.

Mom Oh, really look at that. We're ahead of the Wow, okay one still have two more weeks. Yeah, it's fifty two weeks.

Fifty two. We did every week. Oh that's great. Yeah, we were consistent. I'm proud. Of us be able to get one out every week.

That's pretty cool, dude.

Wow, March first is our birthday. Yeah, who knew that I was. I can tell you it's my last episode.

I'm retiring, so let's leave it on the high note. Well, we haven't gotten there yet. Let's keep going until we get to the high note, and now we can talk about.

What has been a highlight for you. I will say doing the live one was a lot of fun.

So we just came off and did the live, our first ever live one in Nashville, first live, two cool moms. I thought it was so much fun to get out there and do a lot. I think people had a good time, sold out crowd to blast. Doing it live was different because we had talked before the show and we said, you know, this show isn't always funny, and that's not the purpose of it, right. Sure, but we're comedians, so of course it's going to be funny eventually or

It needs help.

So we were like before the show, do you remember the green room? You're like, all right, I just you know, I just hope it's funny. I'm like, well, just because it's a comedy club, I mean, it doesn't have to be it's funny. So then we went out and asked, you know, hey, who's listening. Two moms and like three people clapped and like, oh shit, scan.

It was like there's like one up in the attic. It's like, oh ship that we just discussed whirl out, but we did like almost how long was it almost two hours? Almost two hours? Yeah, that's great. That was a complete blast.

And I think as soon as I came off stage, you and Jiggy were backstage and I walked off and I threw open the door and I looked at you guys because Reno joined us too, and I said, that's the most fun I've had at this club in all the shows I've done there, and I've done a lot of fun ones, that in particular was.

A complete blast.

And even just the when we're doing the crowd work towards the end and I was going through and you knew exactly when end the show. It was like, I think we're all sitting there. It's one of those things where nobodys saying it, but it's like, how do we wrap this? So we got to end on a high note. And then it was like you were like, Jordan, give me the ball. I set up the question. You had an excellent response, It got a huge laugh, and you're like, good night, walked off.

I was like, that was great. It was really great, really great. Good. I'm glad you had a good time doing it too. We might do that again.

We people want to go to different cities. She do it down like in Miami. Uh yeah, let's go to Miami.

No, let's go to des Moines. You do Moin? I like to don't shoot on des Moines? No? I well des Moines? Why? Okay?

Name name Okay, you're in the scenario. This is fun game. Name of shit city, go, name of ship.

Yeah.

Like you're saying a story and you're like, it's at least it's not It doesn't mean that you don't like it.

But what's one of the ones you say?

Because I have one that is a sleeper hit for me, I'd always go at least not Boise, but I love Boise.

Boise's beautiful. Is that so funny. Before I had gone there, it was always like, well, you're in the middle of Boise, Idaho.

I think it's because, like I wasn't Warner Brother like the Looney Tunes that always made fund of Boise.

I should have made it, left it out, but good, I should have made it.

Yeah, I think there was something about Boise that that was in our heads.

Yeah, but Bois's Beautiful Boys is a fun city name. Ohio gets dumped Donalds all the time, and I love Ohio.

So my favorite big hitters Columbus bringing knock knocks Inincinnati. Hello, come Onova, I'll move in for a minute. I don't even get me started about Dayton.

No Dayton, no shit. Columbus is a sleeper you know why. Here's what people don't realize. So many of the chain restaurants and fast food restaurants are head Okay, what the fuck was that?

It's so funny because you're like so many You're like, here's the best thing about this Columbus.

There's chain restaurants, but they're all based there, and the fast food restaurants are based there, so they test market a lot of things before they go nationwide there, so you'll go to McDonald's and have like mic pizza before it.

Ever hits the streets. There's a lot and that's a lot of people move from there for that reason. But you know what's interesting that a lot of their flag ships stores are there, so you know what, you're getting the best version of the fast food chains there right right, yeah, which is weird because the Kentucky Fried Chicken I think is out of there, which is doesn't make any sense.

Okay, So he just just announced today they're they're limiting their menu and focusing on the chicken. Coming back to the basics, Back to the basics.

Yes, maybe now I'll go back.

Yeah, because lot of people stooped away from the colonel when he started getting crazy. You know what I had growing up? I used to love from there. They had little chickens the little chicken sandwich is. They were like sliders that had a little bit of lettuce on those. I forgot what their name. I think they were called littles, chicken littles. That's it was it, right, chicken remember the campaign. I called them little chickens Chicken littles. Little chicken littles

You can't. No, I don't want. There's no need to. There's no need.

Of.

But there was no need for that f there.

No.

I know when you use it, it's when I say something stupid and dumb mother.

I say that, But when you read it, when you beat a stupid piece of mother, then then I'm gonna throw it at you.

Your dumb ass.

That though, that's my favorite dumb asshole. That's what you call me when I'm late for something. When I come off stage and I'm shredding a twelve year old, You're like, you're dumb asso, this is twelve.

It's not really a small asshole. Doesn't make any sense there that disclamored of a dumb in front of it. If you're going to live a life, I guess live it that way.

Yeah. Yeah, chicken litter was my jam. I love those. What is your go to now? Because Jiggy and I have talked about this.

For well, I can't really do much at a KFC now because they don't really have a much of a fake chicken sandwich with the impossibles. I love the impossible, the impossible Whopper on the road, Well, we can need a fast drive through I've been really hitting the burger king impossible whopping and.

You tried to when they when they when you complimented the new BK retro shirts so great from the drive through guy, and they recognized you and they're like, we're going to get you a shirt. Hold on, And they came back with an x XCEL that somebody had worn while there there was like rees on it. They're like here Joe, and You're like, what, guys, I'm not working here. Wanted that I wanted to wear, like on stage, like a new one, Like I don't. I asked if you

Let's get that one. Can't try dirty one out of the back. Joe needs a shirt. It was so discussed, so weird. Yeah, I would uh, I would say, do you remember your first job?

WHOA, Yeah, well not un necessarily wasn't my first job, but I was working a party City, the party discount chain, right, and I remember my mom came to visit me at work, well because it was in a shopping center and.

She was, yeah, she wants to come visit her.

No, I guess she was like shopping next door or whatever because it's in the So she comes to party City and I was like like goofing around or whatever.

And she came over and she was like, this is your career. That's what she said to me. She's like, take your job seriously, this is your career. And I'm like, mom, it's called party party.

It's so funny, like to get caught by your mom at work like that, what are you doing. I was just like laughing around with some friends. Oh no, no, I know I was in that helium, that helium balloon tank. So I was gonna say I was in the helium up but she had called me there. But I guess it comes from the steps where my mom was the secretary in my school, grammar school growing up, and I would were always so she she was the she was the only it was all nuns and my mother, so

When I was like, my mom caught me being bad at work at school and I felt so bad. What what was it like working a party city? Was? Is this just balloons? Balloons and a balloons and all the problems stuff, so fun me. I got Marie a job there. Murder he got fired from there.

No way, you guys worked at parties already.

Stay together.

I got Murray job and then al the manager didn't like him and had to fire him. He's like, I got to fire your friend.

I was like, I don't care. Do I still at my job? What was Murray doing that? He just wasn't good. It was just being himself. No, he was just like he was just like he just could running up with this is what I would. He wasn't like you know, it was it was just it was party city. He was a team.

We were fifteen, sixteen years old, was sixeen years old, so whatever we're doing. But we did run the scam where we would uh stole We stole the Halloween candy out of the out of the trailers in the back because there was no way to account from these just big boxes of candy. So we put him in and then we would just bring him to our high school and we would just sell the candy in high school.

Really, yeah, we ran a scam there that.

Is such like the Italian like I got something off on the track of the truck.

Yeah, Yeah, that is crazy that I literally got candies off the back of a truck.

What other jobs did you have growing up? Where were you and one of the guys maybe worked together.

Besides the tench did you besides the ten years ago we did on television and then in the movie? How many more do you want of that? But you mean a young Joe.

I think it's so funny to like picture you guys as teenagers working at party City together and so so funny.

I think sal was a bowl er too. I think that was in the bowling I forget. No, we didn't really do any outside work. Me and Mary did that.

Me and Maury hung out, you know, friendly with with with groups of people. Me and Salad did as well. I didn't hang out with Q that much.

And in high school and then I don't I want Q was a toll booth collector.

I think I'm not sure a total look like there for a minute, yeah, after college, like after high school, before he went to college, before we trying to figure things out at think he were always worked for the city, like his dad was a city workers.

Dad was a his dad got him job. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was a totals collector. I might be making that up, but I think it's true.

There is I don't think there was a worst job in the world in a tobooth collector.

Did you tell me my favorite total? The story? No? Nineteen ninety nine?

Me, me and my friends are drying when we were set down the way.

Guys, are you ready?

I got to I got a phenomenal total of the story. I'm driving down to nineteen and nineteen ninety ninety into two thousand. I took a cruise to turn the New year with five of my good friends, six of us. We called ourselves Sixteep.

We were driving. We had a rental vans, we had a rental van sixtep dot com.

We had a website. Two left, and then Burne came in. It's like burn you.

Could be part of five people, but not six sixteen. So we did.

So we drove, We rented a van, and we drove down to Florida from Jersey and uh to get on this Carnival cruise ship to bring in the new year. And we were blasting the whole time. It's kind of parted like it's nineteen nine and right. So we're driving like fourteen hours straight all of us. Right, take a turn, strive. My cousin Mike's at the helm. We're driving down and this was back in the day. We had to pay with diamonds.

Diamonds. He had to pay some experience, I met dimes with you know, a coin.

So they had the buckets that you had to throw the money in, you know, they had those buckets that collected thirty five cents when you were driving down the turnpike. Right, So we're driving down the Jersey Turnpike and we're all laughing and singing whatever, and my cousin Mike drives up. He's got the two thousand glasses on. Remember the glasses that said two thousands yea with o'sh Yeah. Right, So we're dancing, you know, world dance, were singing and having

He just pits this woman in the face with thirty five cents.

And I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure it was a old nickels, so like seven nickels.

So Mike's face drops and all in the back.

It's dead quite in the car and is on the radio, is kind of a party and I team and he's like.

Taking shrapnel. This little woman I remember, I will never forget her face.

And she's like, ah, the seven nickelas I was like, oh, sorry, But then we still had to pay the toll, so we had to awkwardly look through the airstray for the change.

As she stood there. Yeah, and he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I I'm sorry. It's one of the funniest things ever. Completely, that was a weird day for that woman. I wonder if she tells that story. We said, think about that from hersman.

Second, she was like the six Italian guys wearing two thousand glasses rolling.

Up listening to the prince assaulted me with nickel. I'm sure they've got some crazy stories. You must see some.

And then the people that can't pay, or what do you do if you can't pay.

Till well, now it's easier because they just take your thing and they send you the bill and dry. But back in the day, I think it would eventually like if you rolled up and you're like, I don't have the thirty five cents, where they're like, all right, go ahead, Like no, there's no accounting for it.

There's no cameras, right, so it's up to the toll collector. I guess the troll at the at the bridge, she got pelted with necks galloped to give you a ticket. I used get tickets all the time in Florida. Oh, you didn't have the cash, they would hand you a ticket, right. Oh, and you have to pay more than this, you have to pay a fine for not having the plus the feet Oh my good. It was like seventy bucks or fifty bucks or whatever it was plus seventy two cents or whatever markup market.

I would just I would just run it because what are they going to do back in the day. But that's that's like the same when there were meters here in the city. If you didn't have fifty cents, the markup, I forget the percentage markup.

It was like five hundred percent. Like yeah, yeah, yeah, you're paying a sixty dollars bill plus the fifty cents. It's crazy. Yeah, well, you know, good thing, there's easy pass now.

Shout out to my peeps at the easy best one of the best innovations, I think the best.

Out there, up there with the Microwaven.

When you get the car rental pull that out of the the metal that it's so fun. Yeah, you undersheath it. It's official.

I belong. Yeah, alright, we get it. Let's do it. Let's help some people too cool.

Thank you for submitting your questions at two Cool Moms at two Cool Moms on Instagram, at two Cool Moms pod on Instagram.

Thank you so much, and please remember to follow send it to your friends.

So we have a mom to be celebrated. Should we start it off with that?

Yeah? Okay, okay, let's let's start. It's our fiftieth.

It's our fiftieth, so we're celebrating moms.

Yes.

And she wrote this and I thought this was very sweet. This comes to us from Celeste. Okay, Celeste, Hi, Joe and Steve. My name is Celeste. I just listened to your podcasts about sending and photos of her moms and why they're the coolest. My mom, Lida, passed when I was eighteen. She was truly amazing and selfless. She made sure I had the best I could, like cry I want to hear it.

I'm gonna read this.

But she made sure I had the best experience everything we did. She she did so much for my friends who are in need of anything. She loved comedy, but unfortunately she didn't get to listen or watch you guys. Thank you guys for brightening my mornings with your podcast. Love you guys, and picture and posted a picture of her mom. Her mom's quite the looker.

Back in the day.

So Lida, I just I think what struck it was struck a chord was when she said she tried to make the best of everything, of every situation. And I think that any I think like parent can relate to that for sure, Like when you have kids, just like we're gonna have the best day ever.

Yeah, I feel that you're a fixer.

If your kids are having a bad day, you want to make them laugh and feel better instead of go through it.

Yeah.

Yeah, we also want to talk it out. I talk to my kids like their adults though. Yeah, so I don't talk, I don't dumb things down or whatever. I literally I'll use the vocabulary use when talking to anybody.

And and you call them dumb assoles. I said that to my son, all stop being a dumb asshole. Do you really? I just beat him relentlessly. Give a cold steak? Am I put it on your eye like a man. But yeah, I talked him. You remember the old cold steak back in the cartoon? That work? I don't think that works.

But my uh, my son, what I what I really love about that he's discovered lately's Looney Tunes. He loves Looney Tunes and loves shut up such shed But now it's like fun. I every every week we go back and before he goes to bed, he's like, can I watch two? I'm like, yeah, let's watch two. And it's I don't know, it's just nostalgic. But you I think when you're a kid, you don't realize how funny those those are.

For sure, back of the day, but for sure.

I think I I I try to tether the balance between let them go through the fields. My daughter is super super like emotional and doesn't know how to handle that when she's not feeling happy.

Sure like, she has just a tough time not being She's such a happy kid, so she's not happy. She just doesn't know why.

Like she said to me one she's like, I don't know why I'm not happy, and she didn't realize responds.

We had to talking down and figure.

Out what was that when you turned off the show and said, Okay, I don't want you to have to watch my show anymore and make you.

Want it was just close. It was Sullivan it sun so.

Daddy, why do you keep working with that asian Ela Musk Please?

He's bringing you down. Yeah, she loves Stevie, she loves you.

She always had a great time with her by the way, and.

Took her on the road. Yes.

She she's one of those kids that just like, like you could tell when she's on the playground, it's like you want to be friends, you want to be friends.

Let's be friends.

He let's all do this together. She was just like like getting me over, giving me markers. We're gonna color this together. I'm like, this is so cool to see a kid that outgoing.

Yeah, she's pretty cool. She's pretty cool, man.

But it's it's when you have that I always like, if she's upset, I'm like, I want to get washed upset, but I also want to make her laugh and you know, forget about being upset, you know, So it's it's hard.

It's hard to do that.

I've always been trying to be that, but my mother was always like super like, you know, life sucks, don't worry about it, go ahead, like one of those you know what kind of things. So any adversity I came through, I would try to barrel through it, but I don't know how much I would be, like being a father now and looking back, like I don't know how much I would process what was going on, right, I don't

Yeah, I think you look, I think sometimes when you're I mean, there's so many different variables of why you're upset or whatever. But I think if it's something that you caused, right, then it's like, all right, well let's regress and what are you accountable for?

What did you do wrong?

My daughter the other day, she came home and she was she was saying how she feels excluded from You know, there's three kids that palle around together that are best friends, and we all know when there's three, somebody's gonna be the outcast and you just kind of revolve.

And so she was explaining how she's the.

Outcast right now with these two friends, and you know how this girl's this, this goes this, this goes this, and then the conversation goes, okay, well what did you do?

You know, what did you do? Did you do anything?

And then as we start peeling back the layers, we discover that yeah, there was something right. So it's like, okay, so do you think she appreciated that?

It's like, no, she wouldn't. Would you appreciate that if it happened to you, that's why you're in the situation.

So don't do it again. Yeah, and now you're on the outs and you put her in that situation. Now you know how it feels. So don't put anybody in that situation. Be inclusive. Always be inclusive. I always tell my kids that, but uh, but it sometimes it just takes a little peeling back, and I always try to make them, No, you got to be accountable for everything. I think, you know, it starts with me. I got to be accountable for a lot of things I do.

I stopped. I stopped doing that buying on the road thing. I stopped it. It's the worst trap. Stopped it cold. Yeah, I did.

And it's interesting because now when I come home, the kids are excited to see me and that it's like Dad, you're home, and it's a questions would you get me?

Like? I love that? Yeah, I love that. So but it is kind of fun.

It is fun, but I like but I like to shop for them, so it's hard, and you missed them when you're on the road. So it's it's a delicate balance. Hey, listen, the bottom line is mom and ain't easy. So much left to all your moms out there, especially Celeste's mom.

We love you.

And by the way, one of the other things I saw in the in the thing about Lida that I just want to bring up is that she's not a follower.

Well she she's Alida's circum to get there.

Well, I threw it out there. We go swear just now, just made it up. Yeah, what you said her name, her name is great.

But but another thing, that's the social clip you have to we'll put up the picture lead and then. But another aspect of being a parent I think that you don't realize is that when your kids have their friends coming over and stuff, that her mom was so nice and inviting to all her friends. And I think, like when I was growing up, my father was like the super cool dad. My mom all kids love my mom. Yeah, even you know, even now.

People meet my mom, they're like, oh my god, your mom's so nice. So I was always appreciative of that.

So when my kids are their friends are over, you know, our neighborhood at four point thirty. I mean, these kids just are raiding pantries and bouncing at homes, and whenever they come in, I try to make it a point to you know, know their names, how are you doing, how's your day going?

You guys having fun and be out going to them and again talk to them like adults as well. That's cool.

That's cool because you weren't the house to be part of it. My house there was always there's always extra.

Dish on my table. But you said, when you're that was your house was so welcoming.

Yeah, and I try to do the same thing with mine, but it's it's kind of harder because it's it's not my house anymore. So still a little tricky there.

I'm glad.

Oh my god, that's hey.

That is just crazy. All right. Well, well we'll talk about that off here. Okay, here we go.

This coming us from Teresa. Teresa, Oh, you know what, I wanted to do this one. Okay, let's do this one because I saw this one and I thought this would this would be a lot of fun.

Okay, Uh, this coming up.

From Brady Brady Brady. I love the fact that you just get right to the point. I love these direct These are great. Okay, star Wars were space balls?

Oh spaceballs? What are you being crazy? What are you being a You're being a nutcase. Mel Brooks my icon, my role model growing up, my favorite, favorite influence in my life.

Have you seen the New History of the World Part two? It didn't come out yet. Oh, okay, have you heard anything about it? I heard that's phenomenal. It really.

It's a four day event starting March fourth, four day event, four days, and it's got so many cameos and it I was left out.

I always thought his.

Uh his autobiography that he wrote that came out, what's six months ago. I saw the title and I just started. I laughed at at the title and it's just him on the cover of Black Line says it's all about me.

Yeah, that's that's great.

I mean, I uh yeah, I think. I mean without Star Wars, there's that's the question though.

But I'd worked with Colin Jos recently. He had a great joke about Spaceballs and Star Wars. He's like, he's like I was a kid and when I was a kid, Spaceballs had just come out, so I saw Spaceballs and I'd never seen Star Wars, and then I years later saw Star Wars.

I'm like, oh, this is just a rip off of Spaceball. This is just funny Spaceball. That's right.

Yeah, I mean, I really I love Spaceball. Isn't my favorite Meebooks film, but it's definitely up there. I think it's really I love History of the World Part one. I think it's phenomenal.

My my favorite. Frank is my favorite at all of them, because it's actually it's a it's a movie. It's a film.

It's fantastic, it's got heart, it's unbelievable, it's so funny. Gene Wilder and is untouchable, and it Blazing Saddles is great too. But I mean, for for me, it's the only one I didn't get into that people really liked was High Anxiety.

I never saw that one. Yeah it was.

It was one of the ones I watched and I was like, oh not not that it didn't connect as much as everything else.

For me, but yeah, I just I love Young Franks.

So that's his take on Vertigo, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did like Elevated I wouldn't even call him a spouce, but he did elevated kind.

Of he put he hit movies inside of spouce, Like scary movies are just straight like the movies the movie.

Scary movies are just set up jokes, set up joke. Yeah, they're taking a trope, they're changing it whatever. You had a real narrative, But he had a narrative inside his movies, which he was.

He's a comedic filmmaker right while making fun of another genre, which I thought was so unbelievable.

The guys in his nineties now and he's still he's still there. I'd seen an interview with him recently and and he was very you know, he wasn't like your classic nine year old they're kind of losing it. He was very very energetic, sharp, Yeah, funny, funny, still had the sense of humor. I don't know, there's something about like when you see Jerry Lewis in his seventies or it was just like, it's not funny.

You know what I mean? Down right? Those are you thinking? Those are gonna say? Somebody should put that down.

Take it behind the shed, Give me a grand give me a grandpa, bro.

Not a cardinal. He's still he still got it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Star Wars. You say Star Wars.

Star Wars is the the like it defines my childhood. But Indiana Jones.

He wasn't in Star Wars.

He's not in Star Wars. But that was my favorite growing up, hands down the greatest. And so when I saw the trailer come out for the new one, it just came out, I'm like, you know, I go to Apple trailers all the time, my Apple TV.

I watched it. I watch Apple trailers as much as I watched regular TV. I just love that. My wife will walk and be like, are you watching the trailer again? It's a trailer.

I'm like yeah, but I'm like trying to and I had my kids. I'm like, guys, we got to watch the Indiana Jones trailer just came out. Let's watch it together.

Watch it.

Just water works, complete water works. And my daughter's like, are you crying? I go yeah, She's like why, and I'm like, yeah, I guess.

You know.

I saw my father cry once when his father passed away. Really does you gonna tell I saw my father cry? I've cried in front of my kids. Where to begin I'll see commercials, trailers, marshmallows. I've never cried from a meal I've known to have you really, Oh.

My goodness, this parpadel was from heaven prop from heaven. No, it's right after I. You are fatty?

I am fatty?

I was?

I was. I would cry.

I cried while I was eating because the food reminded me of something that was at What was it?

I was?

I had my father had just passed away, and I had a prisut what's adel sandwich that he liked and he would always get pursued what's ofell sandwiches?

Together? And I was I was eating it.

How funny would it be if you're just somebody walking by you see some d Have you tried the ragin?

You just put it down? It's so sad. I was eating and driving walk away from the sandwich I was eating.

I was eating a driving auting what's adel sandwich with bosamclaze not vinegar, because that's the difference.

And we would dry.

I was drying and uh, blaze holds, Yes, it holds nicely. Doesn't so sog the bread up? Don't If you don't have to step up your sandwich game, get yourself about samic glaze g L A z E.

My.

So I'm meaning to bridehooting what's theel sandwich?

In the car I'm driving my I'm driving my Saturn and on the radio is Will Smith's just the two of Us, which just had happened.

It came out right after my father and Pat. So that's my song. So it's just all things were firing and I'm singing. Just as I got the window down, I was like, I love you Dad. I was driving down Richmond Avenue. True story.

Man.

Yeah, so I've cried over. So that was his that was his go to.

Hey, we used to get them together, Like he would take me to and ask the sal Maria by me and he was like, let's go get sandwiches and we would bringing home for everybody and we would go with a sandwich shop and I do that my son now with this place called Jamelle's.

That's by me.

I was like, let's go, we got get food for everybody, and he loves it, and I'm like, it feels very nice to be able to carry.

What is like this is such a tough question to ask, but reflexively, what is just a memory that you have with your father.

That just always makes you happy.

We used to go shopping in the Staten Island mall and I was younger, and I remember this now because I remember what it's like to be in a mall and you're with your mother and two sisters when they had to go close shopping and my dad was like, they you know, they leave me.

It was a Saturday and we'd have to go. And my dad used to to keep me, to keep me engaged with what was going on.

He used to hold the bags for me, and it was right after like Karate Kid came out and he would like me practice my karate on them when we were standing outside, and he would just stand there and just let me kick the bags as we did it, and he'd like and he would like tell me, okay, hi us your left light like kiding around like you know,

Building ship. Oh god, alright, you got room from We got talk for another one. Yeah, okay, it's coming us from Kenzie. Oh, Kenzie.

It's it's a great name.

I love Kenzy.

What a great name can By the way, when you get like if you're Hooters and they're like, U have a seat, Kensy's gonna be here a second, You're like, we gotta.

Somebody's gonna be fun. Kenzie is a fun just a fun name. The person matches the fun.

It's a cool it's a it's like a cool chick name, a cool sarcastic girl's like Aubrey Plaza off on the corner. Yeah, you want to hang at Denny's with ken love ship on?

Everybody? Whatsie? No Kenzie, Kenzie, that's all right. Here we go.

How do you deal with someone who's practically in love with you but you've already told them repeatedly you wouldn't want a relationship with them. Bit they still treat you as if you're exclusively dating, getting angry, upset when other people take an interest in you, et cetera. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I told him from the get go, and he still believes or he still behaves as if.

I don't know what I want. So she's friends with somebody.

Who thinks that they're thinks that they're dating. Hm, that's tough. I mean, you've laid it out pretty. It's no longer on you, right, as long as you're being clear and direct, established parameters. Well, she's saying that, but let's hope that she's acting accordingly, right, because you might just be thinking he might be misreading any signals or anything that you're doing.

But if you're being above board across the board, that's not on you.

That's not your problem, Kenzie, Like you just make sure that you've been clear and direct. The other thing is like telling you know, be stra be like, look, we can't hang out anymore.

If you're gonna be like this, yeah, I would wonder how good of a friend is he, yes, like if he's a great friend, if if if the friendship supersedes those emotions and he is there for you, he's there to listen or whatever. You know, I would take stock of how good of a friend you actually are with this individual, because if you're not, just cut cord and take go on, because I yeah, I mean, nobody wants to be putting.

It's not health. It's not health.

Look, it's definitely happens to a lot more girls than guys, I think, especially in your early twenties, which she looks like she's in her own twenties. That's a tough age because everybody's trying to find their own identity at that

Then? Yeah? Were you? Were you a piner? Were you pining? Were you a piner? I was always.

I remember I was in college and this girl she's like, you know who you are? And I was like, she's like Lloyd Dobbler.

I was like, what do you mean.

She's like, from say anything, you're You're a great friend. And I was just like a fuck, But I really was. And I remember just I would go hang out in girls dorm rooms and just to.

Hang wait for them to get back. What are you doing here? I'll throw the cut out for you? How was he? But yeah, I just I don't know. I just I enjoyed.

Like I used to get made fun of it the cellar all the time by by certain comedians. They'd be like, so you just hang out with girls like and I was like, yeah, yeah, you know, it wasn't always about trying to look up or whatever.

Yeah I was a piner. Yeah I could see it. Yeah there's a helpless romantic stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was a pineer my freshman year, Poor Megan Donnaho. Freshman year of college, I was just absolutely.

Just straight to the other neighborhood. You went Irish, Yeah, I did.

It's crazy. I don't know. I don't know what about her, but there's about mcnannia for sure.

If Virginia girls, there was three, there was three of them. There was a group of three girls that were together, Tara, Danielle and Meghan. And I ended up being great friends with all of them throughout college and it ended up but I pined after Megan pretty hard. Actually used to us write. I used to write poems and slide them under her door, her dorm room. What I thought was anonymously, not realizing that she was like knew it was me

To my room.

If she brought one of those poems out, my god, I mean how I was pretty good poet. Would you consider yourself pretty decent, Yes, I would. Would it be embarrassing.

It'd be embarrassing because they were probably very love pony to a stranger who probably showed a zero interest in me. So from the loser aspect, they'd probably pretty embarrassing, but they probably good pros.

Did you ever, it's probably good pros. Did you ever structurally steve structures foundation?

I'm not high cool.

I mean I've got I mean, if you take it down to basics, I've got great run. Did you ever approach her like in person pentameter? Did you ever ever go up there? I feel like, hey, could we go out?

Sometimes? Yeah? She was like shut you down. Now, Well, here's what happened.

They did a sorority auction where you could like win a date for charity kind of thing, and so I won her by like borrowing money from everybody. I bought it, and it was like a gross overestimated, like I just didn't want to get so like girls are going to both like this is college, you know in nineteen you know, like the late nineties, people were like.

Thirty dollars and now we have missed Donnie four thousand dollars. I did? I did? I got like three hundred bucks.

I paid for like three hundred bucks again because I didn't want to get out bit or whatever, and people knew that I wanted to, So people were like outbating and people were pushing but like running it up because they knew that.

That I was gonna you know, it was no secret that I was obsessed with her.

Sudden we ended up like going on that date, and I was just super nervous and I just like tried talking and she was like, yeah, no shit, you like me. And I was like, but she was super she was super nice and sweet, and she was like yeah, She's like I'm just not interested in you and whatever. I was like fine, and then she's like, you know, but I would honestly like to be friends with you still,

So we just ended up all being good friends and dependent.

She got in a boyfriend a boyfriend and whatever, and It was fine, and I had got my girlfriend and we were all just friendly. My girlfriend actually ended up in the same sorority as her, so it was it was just fine. But I was definitely like a piner. I always even like after that, like I could just see I pined for people.

I'm a piner And what what take me through a pining?

What? What?

What's what the smirk? What's what the smirk? And yeah, it's that like my heart has that face? Like what a lot of wood? Ifs a lot of why not? I had like a lot of long distance like stuff. And I was like, oh, if we only the winds were changing, if the winds were blowing in a different direction. Are you are you astrological? Do you follow that stuff? Not at all.

I fell in love with a girl who was worked at a store that used to drive by all the time at Giggle And wait what So I worked at Giggle. I worked at Giggle in downtown so and there was this girl who worked at the store.

I forgot what was it was. It was a high end store. Yeah, uh, you know, they sold cool bags or whatever.

And I used to see her all the time and I just would park my car in front of there, and that's where the spots were. And almost I walked by and i'd see her and i'd wave, and one day I remember I waved in jute.

She was like, I just waved. Whatever.

Then one day I went in too, just shop around, pretend I was shopping for my sister, just to talk to her. She seemed really nice whatever, and we had a nice rapport, realizing she worked out commission. So then one day was raining and I thought this was such a pimpass move. It was raining, and I got go to my car and I opened the door and I grabbed an umbrella and I went in and I wrote a note and I said, if you want to return this umbrella, here's my number.

And I went in and I asked her. I said, I said, hey, it's raining pretty bad out there. She goes yeah. I said, did you haven't bring an umbrella? She said no. I said you could have mine. I presented my umbrella with a note on the side. I never heard from her store. She was gone forever she's there. She quit the next day, moves gone.

She's like this crazy ass stalker is she killed herself, probably with the umbrella. I like to think she got struck by lightning because she had the umbrella. That's how she went. But yeah, yeah, I'm a romantic pineer. I don't know what it was or is.

I don't know. You know what's great.

I I was walking to the comedy store one night because I used to live on Sunset, yeah, by Bristol Farms, so walk like the three quarters of a mile. I remember one day I was walking to the hotel which is now the and Az Hotel, and they had this great like you know window that showcased the bar, and there was this booth and it was like the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life. And she was just sitting there and talking and I just kind of like, you know, you just kind of like, gobs,

It's it's I don't know, and then.

This happy fiftieth here's say there we go. Yeah, it's it's it's weird. I don't know, that's just you know, so like Valentine's Day just happened. So did you do anything with Valentine's Day?

Do you? What do you do?

Do you?

Like? What's your regimen with the missus?

I mean, I you know, we're just so comfortable with each other, And to be honest with you, she'll get upset if I spend money on her. They don't spend money on me, and then but if you do, they're really happy. Like Christmas came and she's like, don't spend anything on me. We're making a pack. Don't spend anything. I was like, all right, I'm not going to spend anything. And I got her like two really nice gifts, and I was just like, look, you've been through the ring

Are you I'm romantic? Are you romantic? Come Valentine's Day, oh for sure.

But even like knee deep in on a relationship, like you've been together for a long time, you still bring out the bells and whistles.

I try to. Yeah.

I started a pretty cool tradition which I liked, and I'm glad we do it, and my son likes it now too, where I buy a rose for Milana, my daughter, and he buys a rose for his mother, and she saves them in these boxes so we have the years all the end.

I started when Milana was. That's pretty cool.

So I started when Milana was I think two or three, and she saves them and puts them in the year, and they've had these matching rose boxes and it's every years of dried out rows that she got from him and that my daughter got from me.

I think that's pretty cute. And you never get to see it. No, it's at the house. Thanks for listening to the Two Cool Moms. It's been a very good episode. I hope everyone's enjoyed it. I'm gonna go punch myself in the face. Good night. These two cool mommies love you, so show us some love.

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