Carpe Dat Diem: Pilot Episode with Joe Gatto and Steve Byrne

If there was a problem, where to your mother?

Welcome everyone to two Cool Moms with Joe Gado and Steve Burn.

How are you doing today, Steve?

Wonderful, It's great to be here. Nice to see you, Mommy, good to see you.

Question is what people are gonna ask, why why?

Why?

First off, why another podcast? There's over two hundred and fifty thousand podcasts in the world right now. Why does the world need this one?

But we think we think we finally cracked it.

I think we cracked it. Yeah, this is this is an original premise, So do you want to explain the premise.

So, yeah, the idea was, I love Steve Burn and I love to talk with him and chat with him, and we always find each other giving each other motherly advice, like he's one of my trusted confidants vice versa. Right, So we've bonded this way over that and we've we've tracked down and just talking normally.

That we both had.

Very strong moms, very strong mom loved our dads too, but our moms when it came to like advice and whatever, they always shot straight gave the advice.

And we feel like we've inherited that.

Yes, because mothers I think have obviously the bond of a child, and they are more apt to listen. They're more apt to listen and then disseminate the information and dispel it as opposed to a station wagon pulling it at five oh one.

Like today was awful. Where's my food?

It's like, okay, we don't want to talk to them, you know, right, So.

We consider ourselves very mommy like in the way that we have inherited that from our mothers, so we.

Don't quite I've always said you're very mommy like.

Yeah, but you were mostly talking about my men books, my physique.

Yeah.

So so, so we decided, you know what, we're gonna be a.

Couple of cool moms on here, and what we're gonna do is go out, don't choke to.

The Sorry, Yeah, we're going to some cool moms. We got to get over the title. Yeah, I gotta get over the t You're very you're very accepting. I'm still like, okay, we're really calling this two cool moms.

We were really doing this because we want to help the world.

That's when we come down to this is why we both got in the comedy, is we like to make the world laugh, that's right. We want to people to forget that bullshit problems, that's right, and we want to lend a helping hand.

We want to And we have no professional experience whatsoever in this. We've never studied psychology. We're just you know what, We've come from the school of hard knocks. Our school colors are black and blue. So we're here to help anyway. We again, so if things get too scientific or medical, we'll student.

We'll do our best, right, We'll try, Yeah, we will try our due diligence.

We will try.

There will be an ounce of we're just shooting from the hip, but we're going to try to be a little bit of research.

Possibly, I don't know.

I might, I might google a term if I don't understand when people are asking right.

Right, But we're gonna be It could be called to two cool moms that really try hard.

But it's too long. So it was too with Joe and Joe. Yeah, it's a long title.

We are, So we put a call out to action. It's going to be an interactive podcast. We're going to have people send in anonymously because we don't want to out people.

Yes, so we will announce.

Anonymously help solve people's problems. We're solving the world world's problems one of the time.

And you actually came up with a theme song. If I'll just snap you well, I thought.

I would have played already. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, whoops, Well it's the inaugural issue. Ready, I'll do that. I'll do the beat box, and then you need the second part. Help.

Yo, you got a problem, Two cools BOMs will solve it, check it out while Steven Joe revolve it go so bad?

Two cool bombs subscribe. We're gonna wait right now as the world subscribes.

Okay, now those two people, those two listeners subscribe, So let's move on.

What do you think? What are you looking for to get?

Uh?

Look, I truly, I truly, in all sincerity. I love hanging out with you first and foremost. I love shooting the breeze with you. And like you said, there have been a few times where I've been in a pickle I've reached out to you. You offer great advice vice versa. So I'm looking forward to the interactivity of this and getting to know people via social media and them communicating their problems to us and we're like literally trying to do our best.

We're trying our We're trying now.

I'm sure some of the advice is gonna be pretty bad. But I think we're both we both are cut from the same cloth. I think we both have pretty decent moral compasses, and I think from there we will disseminate some hopefully good advice.

I think I think that this is this is fake This is veneer it pdf p what is pfd pdf? What is that the fake wood PDF is? Where PDF is an Adobe Acrobat format?

Uh?

What is what is the fake wood? Compressed wood?

This?

This is a self center for a long time.

This is what's gonna end up ruining our oceans.

I think about another thirty years. That's what this is. Yeah, right, it's gonna wash up on shore in Jersey somewhere. We should also say that this is a comedic podcast. Yeah, it's not gonna be heavy listening. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be it's gonna be We're gonna try to make it as fun as possible. Yeah.

Look, if you're on a bridge and it's come to that, like, definitely don't reach out to us.

No, because also we can This takes us about a week to film, a week to record.

If you got seven days to kind of chill out until you get the answer, then you probably shouldn't be on the bridge.

In the first place.

It's a very good point that this is your problems will be solved. But according to our timeline of available.

Elevation, now this is this is uh. This is an example of where we're at. Joe. Joe put out a call to action and reached out to his fans and instantly had.

Like, quite a you got one hundred requests a lot, yeah, a lot.

I did the same and let's get the ghost.

So Steve, you have you you vetted these?

Yes, I have vetted these, and look, some of these are hilarious. Some of these are really you know, I think more on the serious side. But we'll we'll do our best.

We're not afraid to tackle anything.

Here on Cool Moms, we just a couple of cool moms trying to help out the world.

That's great now as too cool Moms. I think this is very relatable. This is coming to us from a very sweet young lady and her question is my husband. Right away, I'm like, okay, I'm listening It's like we're just three girls of brunch.

Here we go. What did he do?

So my husband is okay, ready, my husband is always asking me to smell his finger as a joke. And how how do I get him back?

This is the first problem that we're solving.

This is our first problem. This is the first I wanted this one to be the first case because there's some there's some rare ones. But I thought, let's let's let's.

Dip our toe in the water first. Okay, you know, let's let's let's dip our finger in the water.

That's right, Yeah, and then and have our wife smell it.

So how do we get? How do we get?

I haven't done smell my finger since eighth grade?

Yeah, probably is the last time, you know.

So, first off, this guy's really immature, right, and I like him.

It doesn't mean a bad person as a cool mom. Yes, I like this dad, you don't if they have children. You're putting that out there on him.

So he's jamming his fingers in his wife's face. He thinks it's funny.

Well, there is a thing that.

She wrote into a strangers Instagram to out him to talk about on the podcast.

I think she's over it. I think it's safe. This is really over and she's still looking to talk to anybody. Yeah.

The thing that the thing that this breaks down to, though, is when one party thinks something is funny and the other party has stopped a long time ago.

Oh yeah, yeah.

My wife had that thing where, for some reason when we first started dating, I would flick her Oh yeah, I'd flick her in the arms, just like ah, that's you know whatever, and and she was like, she was like stop. And it took like three months and then she's like, seriously, I don't like it. And I was like, oh shit, wow. And it was one of those things.

Where I do I have to break up with this bitch? Yeah?

But no, of course not. I think she's she's the best.

She's ended up.

Don't called her a bitch. Classic backpedaling. We know you love her.

You have to edit at four minutes thirty seconds.

Please, no thing about cool moms.

We we don't edit, We don't edit. No, this is gonna keep. This is We're just cool moms, just too cool moms. Well, we're too busy, we're too busy and yogurt and hanging out at Lane Bryant.

Hey, but I'm not gonna commit that. We're not gonna edit. We're straight.

We might have to add well, I'll be coupon clipping, so I won't have time.

Very true. Yeah, I got to go.

I got a roller blade and I got a water aerobics with the seniors that are teacher at the y on the weekend.

I don't get time.

Aerob I have a thing with my wife where I used to open mouth sneeze on her all the time.

No, yes, Joe, yes, she inherited.

That because I used to do that to annoy my older sister, Carla open mouthed.

I know who took that joke was pre COVID, but COVID took that joke for me.

No, so this happened just as COVID.

The last time I opened mount sneeze on her was February fourth of twenty twenty.

So fucking gross, dude.

It's so funny at the same time, but she's so over it, and I would do it every time.

That is, you'd be driving and just yeah, yeah, and just the mist of mucus.

You know what I'm working. I got a big nose.

It's like a dumble It's just like a shotgun, right, but yes, but I would make it mouthy on purpose. I wouldn't want any snock, so I would just like make sure that it was more spittle than anything else.

Dude, that's fucking disgusting. She had to be outraged, was she not outraged? So, man, you get a missed of if you get a missed on you, dude.

But at the same time, it's that there's at the same time, so grol mom, it's.

What I'm listening. I just don't agree. I don't like it.

Okay, well, I'm just I have a point counterpoint at the same time.

A woman, I don't listen.

You just need to anything that far.

You're not a cool mod At the same time.

We like she would you know that thing when something angers you and you hate that it happened, but you also laugh.

So she makes the mistake of always laughing. So like your wife when you flicked her, she got she stopped laughed the first few times, but then she laughing.

She snapped on me.

Okay, see, Bessie has not reached that point yet. So I think I think more sneezes in the bout COVID.

I haven't done this post COVID. COVID took this joke from me. Yeah, okay, a.

World pandemic, I will I will bow to the world pandemic when she's vaccinated.

Though that game then games on games, she came back with a vack shot.

I was like, hey, baby, I was sniff and pepper just to get her.

So was there something though that that that she did literally build the wall and say enough, enough's enough.

No, I don't think so. Maybe I'm just not a good listener.

But that sounds like a bad dad.

That's like a bad dad. Hey, this is about being cool mom. This is about cool mom. Has nothing to be doing about our dad and cool momps man, cool momps wear cool moms. We fish pop.

So that that all brings us to the point of our friend here trying to solve the smell my finger joke.

This is coming from a place where the husband thinks it's funny.

The husband thinks it's funny. She obviously does not. And I understand. I think you just got it. I mean it worked for me, right, you just got to snap it's gonna go. I don't think that's funny, yes, And I think that'll.

Work if you're laughing you're being like my wife and you're gonna live a life of being sneezed on.

So I think that's it. So see, now we've go Do we just solve our first problem? Yeah? Fucking cool, mom.

That ship.

Let us know if it works, dude.

It feels great.

If not, I will say, if it doesn't work, open moutha sinneez in his face and say every time you do that to me, I'm going to seize in your face.

And there you go. Right, So we've given it back. We've webon was full circle. Oh that's great, all right.

That was our first one. That was our first one. That feels good. We're going good in the world. Okay, let me let me take a look.

At this next one where we're we're not to help people.

Okay, uh hi, Joe and Steve. While I'm not a parent, I'm actually dealing with one of my parents. I got sick in twenty seventeen at the age of twenty five with a virus that attacked my brain and spinal cord. Learning to walk again the past two years or so, my dad says that I am not working hard enough to get fully mobile again. How do you go about interacting with family who isn't willing to compromise on their beliefs.

So that has a different vibe. Let's go back.

My husband asked me to smell his His finger is a joe.

So okay, So this guy uh a man? Was it a guy at man guy? He said, I yes, it's a dude. Okay. So he had an accident or yeah, or he got sick. He got sick, got his spine aft up, can't walk.

At a virus in twenty seventeen. This virus attacked his brain and spinal ward.

Okay, that's rough.

So that's a double whammie. And he's just now learning to walk again.

Oh, so good on him.

All right, he's coming back, he's trying to make it back, but he's not going as fast as his dad would like.

It seems what we're.

Sees, what we're doing, that seems more like the dad's problem than it does to the guys.

Yeah, I mean, who's to say. It's like when you get into an argument, like, for example, when I get in an argument with my wife, it's so easy for me to be dismissive to her, like it's not that big of a deal. What the fuck, let's just move on, let's get past it. But you know what, it's a pretty big deal to her. And in the last few years I realized, Okay, when something means something to her, who am I to say or negate that feeling or emotion.

The finest wine. Yea, the finest box wine.

But uh, but I think I think the father needs to be a hell of a lot more sympathetic, especially considering that your your baby, your child had a debilitating virus that attacked your brain and spinal cord. It's like, who you did?

Yeah, it seems like we need to talk to the father in the situation, not necessarily the person that wrote in to speak to cool moms.

So the problem is there's only so much a good do.

He's like, listen, listen, dad, I don't appreciate the way you you've been treating me.

Now, two guys on a podcast called Two.

Cool Moms gave me this advice. This is what up gave you. This advice two cool moms? And who who's the two cool moms? Stephen Johnson? What the heck is going on? How bad is your brain being attacked? So I would say this, I would.

Say, but how is he going to commute communicate it?

That's That's what it all comes down to it, right, So this situation is just someone not understanding the implications of their let's call it ignorance or.

Mindset sympathy. Yes, there's a lack of sympathy. Yeah. Also maybe has a point. Maybe this guy is not recovering fast enough. Is he being lazy? Is this something he could do? I'm just playing, I'm playing Devil's advocate.

Sure, yeah, Well is he going to physical.

Therapy once a month when he should be going every week? Like, we don't have all the details here. It seems a little bi Yeah.

Yeah, sounds like he spent some time in the hospital with brain and spinal cord being attacked by a virus.

I mean that sounds pretty severe, right, But I'm just saying, what is Dad's POV here? Is Dad? Like, Dad's got to have some AMMO to be like, you're not doing your you're not doing your part here?

Ted, Well, yeah, that's true. We don't know what his track record is. Before this was he kind of a little more lax.

He sounds like a gamer. He sounds like, Yeah, maybe smokes the marijuana. What is it called the marijuana?

Marijuana? Well, we're cool moms. We probably we probably tooke. Isn't that what they say? I've never tried drug? About life? It's terrible.

No, of course I'm joking. What I'm saying to this guy's I don't think it's our problem. And what I think you need to do is remember that sometimes you can't adjust people's perspective and you either have to deal with them and this unfortunate situation.

It's your parents are They're going to be in your life.

You can't just get rid of them, and you just have to communicate as best you can that what they're doing is making you upset.

Yeah, and if things get really, really bad, my advice to is just get up and walk out. Although you are I had to, I couldn't.

I had to do it. I appreciate it. I'm sure he's probably laughing. He's got to be laughing. He's got to be. I'm sure, yeah, he's got to be. But look in all sinceritority. You know he's not going to stand for that, so oh we double him down? What are we doing?

Well, he's starting to sound like a daddy.

You're right, this guy, this guy, this is what I appreciate about this guy.

Though he is reaching out to two comedians to help to just to discuss this. Yes, you know, so he knows he's gonna be humored to all this. Of course we feel for him, and of course we want the best, nothing but the best. First segment.

I love how you're doing this, I am, but I will also say at.

The same thing you are cleaning up with him up like a good momy.

I'm also gonna say he needs to stand on his own two feet for three. Hey, listen, we love you. If your dad's gonna be a dick about it, you know what fun him?

That's what You're on your own timetable. Do you know that the effort you're putting into all of this is your own.

You're the only one that could be the barometer for if you think you do enough work. That's the baxactly.

Yeah, you know, the temperance of pain, the temperance of what it is you need to do to get to where you're going. So he's either going to be supportive or he's not. And I would hope as somebody that is your father, I hope he would be supportive if I was in your situation. Go, Look, you don't know exactly what I'm going through, So you're either going to be supportive or not. You make that decision. But I think at the end of the day, this kid needs to do what's best for him.

I agree. I agree. And surround yourself with people that will support you.

Yeah, and whenever I'm in town doing stand up, you DM me and I'll get your tickets to a show and would love to have you.

Come out to call. You had to call it stand up. Excuse me? You had to call it stand up? You can just say when I'm doing comedy it's not nice.

Well, I'm an artist, joke, got the art of stand up comedy.

Okay, Okay, here we go the next one. I feel good about that one too. I still feel good.

I feel good.

I feel like we got lost in the weeds a little bit, but we came out of the jung really pulled it out.

Yeah, we came out of the jungle without getting eaten by a python.

No, and we came out with some with some chuckles, we got some giggles.

It's a comedy podcast, I hope.

So okay, this one, I think you're gonna enjoy.

We should be sitting right Tofandel's.

Should have hold it like this and like have some yogurt and like an sa e bowl. We should always be in yoga pants when we should be.

We should get a sponsored by speaking of which two cool mom sponsored by Lululemon.

All right, here we go. I love this one.

I have like I love how he's typing, like he's talking. I have like four great different girls who would like to date me, but I don't really want to be with anyone. I honestly feel happier alone. But everyone is pressuring me to choose a girl so you can get married.

What do I do? Wow?

Spoil of riches, A spoiler riches, Save some woman for the rest of us.

Man, not two, not three?

I have like four, so there could be a fifth.

It could be five, could be could be five because when you say, you would have said at least so like makes me think it's three.

And he's trying to bump up the numbers. But he's still impressive.

He's pretty impressive.

Jury is two more than you need.

This guy's got a good head of hair. He probably works out. Yeah, he's in his early twenties.

Okay, so he doesn't want to settle down. Do you know he's in his early twenties by fact?

I don't know. I'm just guessing, got it. The fact that he's, uh, he'll be great if he was like sixty eight.

He's getting pressure. Everyone is pressuring me to choose a girl. So I don't know where he's growing up, because I think most people would be like, he's got to be younger.

Yeah, he's got to be for sure. Did you talk to me a little bit about Steve Burns's history? Did you horrible late bloomer?

Were you locked down at any time in your mid twenties to because let's say he's mid twenties, twenties to thirties when people start thinking about it's time too.

Because there is a point when you're alone and everybody's like, he's still not well.

I think that that happens probably in your like forties. Yeah, maybe early forties, mid forties.

I think in our lifetime it's moved late sure, Like in our parents' lifetime. It was like, by thirty if you are married, yeah, you're an old hag my thirty.

True.

Then you look at like I saw this thing where I saw like halle Berry is fifty five and Jennifer instance fifty two.

You're like, what are we the same species?

Like they look phenomenal, right, phenomenal.

Those are some cool moms. How about you?

When did you because you well, I was in this situation where I didn't want to settle down and people will telling me that I should.

For I'm very much in these shoes. And how old were you when that? When that? When? When that started catching up?

And it was resonating because it's resonating with him right now. Early thirties, early thirties, thirty two ish? But were most of your other friends married? I assume his are, But I.

Had a couple. I had a couple that were not a lot, but I did have a couple.

But I would say I did have a lot of girl friends that fell off to marriage more than my guy friends.

Right.

I think he lives probably somewhere in the South, in the Midwest, you know what I mean, where it's like, yeah, like all my buddies in college that were dating in their twenties, they got married out of the shoot, like out of the gates. They had kids quickly, and a lot of them are divorced now because I don't think they got to kick some tires. I don't think they got to have some experiences. I think there needs to

Got it.

So if he is, well, it sounds like he's dropping lots of anchors, if you like three or four anchors. So if you well, that's interesting because you're putting it on him that he needs to get ready to do it.

But no, I'm putting on him to get out of his system, to get out of it, to do it when you want to do it. But the way you do it is to have some life experience.

But think, don't you think he's doing that now by playing the field.

Uh, I don't think he is. Because I think I think he's sitting there and he's just getting bombarded with with ass right, which is a really tough problem to have up problem.

Yes, I'd like to go back to the problem we had earlier, but he coming forward. I'm just saying the the the thing for me is like he needs to be also.

You need to be ready, right, you need to you need to be ready. Yeah, and nobody's gonna put tell you in that time is you feel you feel that you are.

I think it's the old adage you got to love yourself before you can love somebody.

And I think.

It's part and parcel with that. It's like I really do think like when I decided to to like look for a real partner, I was at a point in my life where I was like I felt like I got it all out of my system, Like I did everything I wanted to do, and you know, in terms of like being by myself and knowing that now I'm gonna have an obligation to somebody else, so I need

Right exactla was put up with it. So it's a callback to in the biz we called a call. You don't have to explain comedy to them.

These are all they're all comedy e the five people listening are comedy heroes. But what what for me is that I live that and I don't regret because people would be saying that stuff to me, and I don't regret that it took me so long. So I would tell our friends here, don't don't put a stopwatch on it. Don't feel the pressure of other people. You have to be ready what you're saying as well.

But I said it first.

Yeah, but I think what you're where you're wrong is.

I'm a bad mom whatever where I think it's just don't feel the pressure that you have to figure it out. You'll figure it out when you're ready to. Like I figured it out when when I met the right person. So get My point is one of these people is probably not the right person.

Oh for sure.

Probably the chances of any one of the three or four being the right person or five probably isn't going to be the person. Because you think mathematically of all the people you've interact with, flirted with, had a thing with, first date with dated. Actually, all those people, you know, there's usually only you know you're looking for the one, and odds are it's not going to be the one, so you know, when it happens, it happens. And most of the people I know that have met their significant

I agree. I agree, cool mom. So but I gotta tell you, we are three for three.

This is pretty awesome, and we like you high five like a mom.

You you snapped like a commercial man, like, yeah, I'm not afraid.

I'm embracing my cool mom. You know, my mom had a great high five. By the way, my mom was known for her high five. She was a small woman.

Yeah, five foot tall. My dad was six three. Your mom could dunk on my mom.

Okay, they would high five well.

Together that we would have both low sentence of gravity. But my mom used to snap that ship. She was great, Yeah, you're a great high hoot.

Yeah. Because she was like a sports mom, like she would like, well when I say, it's a sports mom.

She she coached the bowling teams, but everybody when they got a strike, she would give highive and you hear that shit echo?

Is that a Is that a sports mom?

Sports? Don't you dad? Judge bowling? By the way, it's not a soccer mom. There are.

There's another podcast. But the numbers of bowling have declined so significantly that a lot of bowling hours are closing down. And they're saying, it's like the sense of American is slowly dissipating in this country because the lack of enrollment in bowling leagues. And part of me was thinking, I want to I kind of want to get a team together, and man, you are such a supportive mom. All right, here we go, Okay, cool moms.

I love this. I love it, love it.

I just relocated to Edinburgh, Scotland from the USA.

Now I love it here.

But I'm struggling building a social circle. My friends from the US say I'm good, but I think I'm just awkward and I'm in my forties. How do you make friends outside of work in school? Also, I should note I work from home, so I have work friends, but none that live nearby.

Thanks, cool moms. The dilemma, the dilemma of adulthood friends. Yes, it's a real problem.

It's a problem when you're young.

I agree.

I remember when I first moved to New York City. I used to walk up and down the street the first week I lived here, going this is a city of eight million people and I don't have a single friend.

Give me, ah, how old are you?

I was twenty three.

It's okay, Steve, all right, letting it out. Cool mom.

So here's the thing, I where we can get emotional. I will say I consider you friendly. Yes, friendly person. I would say you're an extrovert. Yes, I would say to a degree I want to be. Yes, you put you, you have you have a you have an egg timer on it.

There's a ding ding day. And then when the turtle goes in there, Yeah, that's a you're gone. We've seen it all. I will say, it is hard in your.

Adult life, and it has a lot to do with phasing as well, like where you are in your life when you are moved to a new neighborhood or now.

Then you become a parent, or you get divorced or you you know, a.

Lot in your life defines if the type of friends you're going to make and how you're going to make friends. Yes, agree, So the relocation is tough, new city during a pandemic, working from home.

I don't want to say it, but this guy's fucked. What's a lady? Okay, Well, I won't say that about her, but.

I will say that I do. I think that what's great for her, what bodes well for her, dependent on how people feel about our country, is knowing that you do stand out.

You're an American.

Yes, the minue you start talking, people are gonna, oh, you're an American.

And I think most people I hate you automatically or hey, you're pretty cool, depending.

On who's in office and who their political leanings are. But I think that you instantly have an icebreaker the minute you just say, hello, how are you? Oh, you're an American. I think that a lot of people over there most likely have not ventured over here to this country. Uh, and and look we're constantly in the news or bad and so I think that you instantly have that talk.

A talking point.

For sure, icebreakers are huge, ice prakers, huge, But the problem is you need to be a little bit extrovert in the situation, even if you're not. So my advice first off would be, like, so, when I moved to LA. I moved to La and three didn't know anybody. I moved there and the first thing I did was I knew I liked comedy. I knew improv and I didn't need classes. But I joined an improv comedy class and I started at level one where I've already been performing

It was like, yes, and soccer, you know, like here's a gun, gotta use it. But that guy let one level one, he's an all star.

Let's skip him to two.

But I think just but finding people with common interest is huge, and getting out of putting yourself in situations where you're able to make friends is huge.

I think that's really smart. Being proactive, Yeah, and finding something that you're passionate about and then going towards whatever that might be.

Yeah, it's that's that's smart. I will also say work friends don't last. That's very true.

Work friends don't worry about the work thing, don't worry about working from home or whatnot. That's an acquaintances. You'll meet people maybe one or two, it's not the rule. I do probably have a couple of work friends, but more from outside of life. Definitely, if you compare, it's the experiential friends.

Now would you and I be considered work friends?

Uh, I don't think so. I think we met via our.

Occupation, right, but we weren't working together.

No, Yeah, so I think we through natural osmosis became friends via you know, proximity. But I would never consider like, you know, yeah, you're at the comedy store. You know, you're at these comedy clubs all the time, and I've never had a click, you know, even with I say hi to everybody. I'm respectful everybody, but I've never been a part of like there's these click or bubbles of friends that always do things together and create things together.

It was weird. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, middleman, if you will, If you look at a wheel, all the spokes go out and there's Steve Burne in the middle, just holding the whole thing together, holding it all again.

There was like one cool mom. That's right.

I didn't even get in their pictures.

It just went over them.

I said, you're welcome, You're welcome, and you're well a cool mom.

We were taking everybody's picture, like, get a camera, get together, silly face. Everybody say cheerleading, all right, everybody say chess club.

Well, I think it's great advice.

Man.

I again, I think we're Yeah, we're crushing this, dude.

I would say that.

I would say, get a list of interests that are interesting to you, find groups of people that do the same thing, and just.

Get out there and try. Okay, ready for this next one. This is a good one. You're excited. You've been waiting on this one.

Here he goes, He's all, he's got the cool mom giggles. He's already got the cool mom giggles.

Just here we go.

Ready, my roomba keeps getting stuck on my shoelaces.

Help nothing, No problem is too big, it too small for too cool moms. We said that from the beginning. So here's what we'll do.

That's right.

Sometimes you get a tomahawk's steak. Sometimes you get some avocada rolls. Is not avocada roll This is easy.

It is easy.

Yeah, r do you want to say it?

Tie your shoes, your animal.

Pick your shoes up off the floor.

You have eyes here, get a shoe rack like an adult. Your shoes are just out in a bout where your room was going. Animal, show some respects to the podcast. Okay, please please let me ask you something. Yes, are you the type of person doesn't slip on and off and or you're the person that unties and ties his shoes every time?

Off?

Right? So what kind of person is this that's and animals untying and tying your shoes? You know when minutes of your life you're wasted.

This is this person ends up on dateline.

That's right.

This is their neighbors are gonna have chalk outlines, that's right.

I never really pictured them as a person who's untied his shoes all the time, never or.

Stand people in the face. My time, my shoes when it comes on least and I double knock on the King of the double knot for another six.

I don't even know the last time I tied a shoe that I had bought. Yeah.

Never, I'll jam my foot until it's hurting the leaning until I want to get that fucking foot in nare I'm shoving that, you know, I'm shoving out of And even if it's.

A nine, I'm just I'm just getting it in there.

If the tongue gets if the tongue gets weathered down there, I go, fuck it, It'll work out.

You work.

You do this thing down do that dance where you swing your ankle around right your toe touch like a ballerina.

And I'm fucking pirouetting to get that to work. I'm not gonna tie in my shoe, so my roomba. Yeah, by the way, who Okay, that's our answer.

He's got he's got more issues in that act like.

A grown up. Yeah, get a shoe rack and we've give you multiple answers here. I feel like we really crushed that one.

This is this is the easiest podcast I've ever done in my life. Guys, bring it on.

Here we go rewind to thirteen minutes and we started talking about the guy with the spinal Injuri.

Christ. Here we go.

Okay, this is this is a little broad, but I do think this is pretty applicable. Okay, I have a spending problem. Any advice, Okay, now that I've gone through ebbs and flows where I'm like, I'm just free wheeling and just blowing money, blowing.

Cats, just green paper. Yeah, but I can't take it with you, that whole thing, right, You're like, fuck it. I'll there's always ways to make money. Carpe d exactly right, carpaid that dam. Yeah, whatever it is that I mean, I put I made.

It street if you want to carpet that dim if you want, Yeah, I grabbed that day yo. Uh just a cool mom. I'm out of here.

You know. I'm adapting in your station wagon anytime.

Thanks. But I have a minivan fresh juice boxes right in the side and the auto doors.

It's fantastic. I will say this, you got a carpet that dim. But you need to be responsible because.

Well, yeah, look my wife. My wife's reined in and on me. What she does is because I have a spending problem. I'll go out at night after a show and I've known to uh throw the credit card down on the bar to say so me. And then what she did was as these bar bills got excessively larger and larger. My biggest one was that Jake saloon I think was for twelve hundred dollars, you.

Know, oh yeah, oh yeah.

And my wife did never let me forget. Now she puts spending caps on the alerts on the bank account.

Got it. So anytime I'm over one hundred and twenty five dollars, she knows that's drop your text, honey.

So what I do is I go to one twenty, I cash it out, drop another card.

And oh no, who doesn't listen? Now she knows the answer, she knows the hack.

That was the hack, But it doesn't solve the problem. The problem was, you know, like, what what is it you're spending money on? And why are you ultimately spending the money on it? Because most of the times were if you have a spending problem, you're spending money on things you don't necessarily need. There's need versus wants.

You know, so I personally live a life of want. You have you live a life.

Well, the problem is I spend I spend money and I married a woman who spends money, so I don't have any sort of alerts. So I had to become the responsible one. I'm not make sure we clarify that I'm not very responsible with money.

But we got two free wheeling mommies.

What we do we call her? We call her aunt to Cart. This is my wife's nickname, Anti Cart. There's always just whatever ant to cart somebody home. My family calls it anti cart affectionately. But we and we call you delete. We call me maybe like prime but want so.

I've I've come to respect money, of course, and all that as you get older, and especially I think the thing that changes the most is having.

A family and people dependent on you.

But when I was if you go back to Joe Gado seven eight years ago, when I was just worried about me, no way blowing it, no spending this fest, I got it always being like you know, it didn't matter because you never know when the candle's gonna get blown out, Like you can't take it with you, Like that's the way we thought about it. Now you have a responsibility to other people, I think really kicks in. So my assumption is that this person maybe doesn't have

But you need to carve it. That dam is really the walk away. You need to carve that dam. You know, have a good time, but you know, don't put yourself in a situation.

Where you're, yeah, you're you're behind the eight ball and you've got dec collectors coming, because that's that's no way to live.

No, no, no, I think always do I need this or do I want this? Exactly good question say to yourself whenever you make these purchases. And there's plenty of things I want. I want a ton of things, but only in the last few years I've restrict myself. But you said something I thought was really smart too, is that it does. I think as you get older you have a deep appreciation for money as well, for sure, and I think there is a sense of maturity that

Do you have you ever? Have you ever had a four O one K. By the way, thank you for bailing on it was running. I'm talking the cool mom. I'm right here for you. We bounced back and forth as a ping pong. I am the coolest. So if you have, have you ever had a four to one K? Ever had a job that had a four A one K before? Like no common detirement for the package.

Now that I've I've been putting money into the last like got it ten years so.

I've had corporate got married, I've had corporate jobs before this, had two or three corporate jobs, two of them had four one ks, which I've cashed out both times, so I had saved money and cashed down, took the and took the penalties on for what did you do? The first time I moved to l Ah so that was one and the second time I just spent it. I just was like have was like in between jobs and have one as I was catched out with four one K and I spent it.

I can't even tell you.

I remember this episode of The Drew Carey Show, and I think it was like an episode I'm gonna butcher this, But the premise basically was somebody won a million dollars via the lottery, and you're thinking all these things, and I believe the individual bought the batmobile for a million dollars.

That's something they have to show for it, got it.

And I just thought, that's that's a guy.

That's a bad dad. That's not what a cool mom's. Cool. Cool mom's gonna suck it away rainy day, get some groceries. Maybe, I don't know.

Yeah, even when, even when you could go out and it's like, let's get a stick dinner, it's like, no, we're having raminton.

Yes, this is because this is what a cool mom does.

She plants for rainy days, that's right, But she also spends some sometimes because she's fun, she wants to, she deserves. This isn't too responsible moms. This is too cool months two cool moms. That's right, we're cool.

Now.

This is a cool question for two cool moms. You ready, how long?

How long do I cook an egg for to make it dippy? Now?

I don't even know what youven know what any of that is.

I don't want dippy means how long do I cook an egg? Okay, so here's what the first thing that came to my mind is and the way I used to like.

I don't eat eggs anymore, but I used to love them sunnyside up because you could dunk the toast in them, break it up with the toast. I would consider that dipping the toast into it. And for me, that's one minute and fifty seconds.

Oh, you really know it.

And you got down to fifty in a hot pan just under two minutes. And hot thing is the media. You make sure the pan is hot when you put the egg in. Okay, that's how I that's how this cool mom does a sunny side up. If I mean you're gonna put it on the streets, it's different story.

But it's got to be a hot pan. It's got to be well buttered, well buttered, hot pan, first sunny side up.

I hate eggs, Okay, I don't eat eggs. I don't like eggs Like French toast is as close as I'll get to eating an egg. I fucking hate them. I don't like the smell of it, hard boiled. I don't like the texture of egg salad. If you gave me a hard boiled egg, I would throw up. Really, the scent of it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't like it.

I don't know what happened when this kid.

Okay, well that's not these eggs you are, you're great. These eggs can't come get you here. It's a safe place. It's no egg zone, so no ex zone.

You're fine. Can't get you here, get you.

Uh, that's what I that's how I interpreted that, that dippy question. And thank god I had an answer, because your a version to eggs, we would have been in a real pickle.

Okay, you ready, pickled egg ready. I love when you I love when you have them t up. I love I love that you know, I don't. This is five five words, that's it. And this made me so happy when I rather.

This came in via the internet from fans of two cool moms that are just submitting questions, and this person said, we said, you know, if you have queries or you need probably have problems that need to be solved, We're here to help.

Big or small, doesn't matter. We just want to try to help out. Ready, yes, this person submits, Okay, here we go, I ship myself. Please help. Oh honey, been there done that?

Oh?

Who hasn't ship there?

I mean in so many inopportune moments.

But well, there's never a good time to ship you. I've never been home and it happens like, well at least i'm here, like that's never happened, never happened.

Oh man, Well, I think the first thing is damage control. It's damage control.

Let's let's walk through the protocol. Okay, okay, we've all been here.

We know what to do. It's as it starts as a fart. Let me ask you this. It starts as a fart. You think it's gonna be Okay, it's not. That's the scenario.

Please do Gary Cannon name drop Gary Cannon.

Okay, he doesn't care.

He's a comedian. He did, he'd warm up for Conan. We're in an elevator, we're at the hotel. We're going up and he's talking ship the whole time. He's making fun of me all this stuff. And as he gets off on his floor, he lifts his leg and farts. He goes, oh no, shut.

Like pants just like all over. Oh god, oh no. Try to do that as a joke. See, that's that's an opportune time. That made that joke the next level. So to answer your first question, that was Gary Davion.

We get to this, let me ask you a question.

How many times have you shoot your pants? Not that not as many as you would think.

Really yeah, yeah, not as many I have, but it all is never It's never been a full blowout situation. I've had friends and I've been witnessing around them when that's happened, But I've never had a full blowout that is coming among kind of like squeaked it out. It was like a sharp plus I would call it. I've had plenty of sharks with like a little so much came out and it's a little wet, but like a plus situation where it's like, oh, I need to go do something with this.

That the sharp plus situation has happened to me plenty of times. A full blown ship my pants maybe once. Yeah, I didn't realize that the stomach flew. Then I found out in the hard way.

See, I've done it twice, and both times it has been a complete yard sale.

Have you done it everything? Was it from drinking both times? Both times? Okay? So sure?

Yeah?

So was it the day after or adoring the drinking the day after?

Okay, I'm over and and you sit there and you here's the thing, Like, when you're in your twenties. Okay, so anybody in your twenties, you're gonna go, hey, I'm a cool mommy, I'm a cool daddy.

There's no way I'm gonna show my pants. Let me.

Let me tell you, you will shot your pants once you turn thirty. There's gonna come a moment after your after your thirtieth birthday, somewhere within the first two or three years, it's gonna happen. Yeah, And somebody had warned me, and I was like, no way, I've never done it, it's never gonna happen me.

And it happened.

And I remember when it was happening. I was in an elevator.

Really, that's there's not a worst place for it to happen. Oh, airplane, I take it back. Airplane, that's the worst place for it to happen, very very well. Trans Continental flight is the worst. You're going to Australia two hours in your shade.

Up, that's the worst place. You see it. Dude pulling out the overhead baggage.

Some underwear, Yeah, put some pants, shit himself and give him some grace. But uh, but I think when it happens. What I did was I was recollecting as it's going on, Like, how could this happen? It's like, let me see four hours of drinking whiskey, going to Denny's getting a French onion soup on buffalo wings, chocolate milkshake, and some flap checks and a sausage.

You're just you just put a.

Bomb ticking time bomb in your tomue tumb and you know it's gonna blow it.

Let me like a cool mom.

You called it a tom tumb Let me ask you query for you, cool mommy. Steve the at the altar or on the trans continental flight? Excuse me, at the altar or at the on the trans continental flight.

Which is the worst place to shit yourself.

You're talking at the altar?

You mean, yeah, get married on your wedding day.

Oh god, your wedding day, So you think that's worse, Oh on your wedding day? Or a trans continental flight, because again I would hope that you have carry on luggage.

Yeah, well your checking bags. You're going for a minute, that's true too. But let's say you can change yourself.

But you got a you got a bathroom, and you don't have the spectacle. A lot of people are sleeping, spends time of day.

It's very true, very true. It could be an overnighter. I like the way you think of You're right, you're breaking this down for us. It's good.

If you're a night hell, then you're in luck. Yes, at the Altar the worst place, the worst. Everybody's there, I will say. And you're in a house of God, house of oh God, I will say. I will say this there, I will. I was trying to calculate what is the worst place.

And I think at the Altar might be the worst place.

I'm going through a bunch of things. Job interviews not as bad transcendents. That you're trapped is bad. So I think it's there. I think it's the Altar.

Well.

Colin Joe s has a great book called A Very Punishable Face, and there's a chapter dedicated to shitting his pants. This is the one human being you'll see on television. Go oh, this guy's got it all together. He went to Harvard, he's got great hair, he's married at Scarlett Johansson. There's no this guy. By the way, those are just the greatest hits. Those aren't the the.

B sides.

I've never heard so many. Yeah, I shait my pants there like he shipped his pants during final exams. Really, it's unbelieva. On a first date, he was putting jackets on top of himself and just sitting there and let it marinate. It was, Oh god, did you ever hear that story? It was really popular. I think Sarah Silverman had made it popular. But a comedian was on a date with a girl.

Do you ever hear the story? I haven't. Okay, this is fantastic story.

This comic is on a date with a girl. She gets out of the subway. He's walking over towards her, and as he's walking towards her, he shits his.

Pants on meeting her for like this, Like literally the date has not even started.

It they're walking towards each other. He shits his pants, like, oh my fucking god. They're in front of a gap.

He looks in the window. He goes, that sweater. That's what I gotta get that sweater.

Will you come in with me?

Like get this sweater?

So so they go inside, right he finds the sweater. He's like, why don't you look around on come beat with the registering.

So he gets the sweater. He grabs a pair of pants and some boxers.

Okay, he puts the sweater on the counter, and then he puts the stuff over and they're making small talking and he's saying, I wanted the sweater. I've seen the sweater for so long. I just want the sweater. I'm so glad you have the sweater and stock and he's just talking about the sweater. So they go, they go, great, put it in the bag, walk over the restaurant. They go to the restaurant. He's like, excuse me, I'm gonna go use the restaurant.

I'll be right back. She goes great.

He goes into the bathroom, opens the window, takes his pants off, throws his pants out the window, opens the bag. What do you think?

In the bag? Just the sweater?

And and in retrospect, he was talking about the sweater so much. He was he must have sublimately subconsciously said to the woman, it's just like a.

Sweater, sweater, sweater.

So she's like, just the sweater, completely.

Forgot about it. Wow, Oh my god, isn't that that's fantastic? Oh god? And then what do you do? That guy has a bigger problem than this.

One much bigger problem.

Yeah, person, you've gotta wear you gotta you gotta swear a sweater. What do you think one more? I think we got talk for one more. Do we got to talk for one more? Let's see, Yeah, we got to talk for one more. Okay, this is two coms.

Okay, Now you're a dog person. That's why I picked this one.

Okay, great, all right, I just got bit? Did he really? Yeah? Oh ship? Is it bad? What do you do when a dog bite you?

Are?

I buy it right back?

Okay, Joe, my dog keeps humping my leg and refuses to stop unless I hang her from the Christmas tree using the leash. Unfortunately, that's how I've been solving most of my problems with her, because when I hung her from the fan, she almost flew out the window when my uncle turned it on. I'm trying to play Clash Royale on my phone, but I'm getting humped. Do you have any ideas other than hanging the dog? Please help me? So obviously they're not hanging the dog, but the dog

Do you have of you? How many dogs do you have now? Right today? I have nineteen? Yeah, but I'm pretty sure one's going I'm going to be put down a little while.

Are you putting together like a doggy football team for this halftime Super Bowl? The puppy bawl?

We have? But who has nineteen nineteen dogs? Yeah? I don't have many humpers in the nineteen back? How do we get to nineteen? We got a bunch.

I think last time I saw you, I had fourteen? Right, we had fourteen I think or thirteen thirteen? One Die took me to twelve, then found a couple of couples, and then I got in three weeks, I got a dog each week.

Yeah, so we're a nineteen right now?

Want versus need, want versus it's a cart.

Wow.

Well, you do have a big yard, and I know that you give a lot of love.

For sure, for sure, for sure. Most of them are old and small?

How many of them are humpers?

Humpers?

There's one that's a really bad humper. But it only humps Bessie when she gets in the blanket in our bed. It's Napoleon and he just likes the blanket, so he just it's.

Only when Bessie.

When you see it, you go, I say, you know, there is a saying it says let them finish, because it's not really a way to.

Stop a dog. That's that's really there's a saying out there.

I don't know if what they're saying, like if a dog shits on your rug, you rub the face in the carpet, is that I was like, that sounds horrible.

No, you just let them know it's wrong, and you put them right outside. You yell at them with no.

You hold them by it so I know you don't have to put their nose in it. You say no when you put them outside. But for the humping, I have seen people it's all about diversion. So you have to get a treat. That's got to be a good treat. It's got to be it's got to be what they call a high profile treat. So we're talking like slice its cold cut a turkey. Slice a turkey, not like a storeboard like something a piece of bacon, or something that when they're humping you tell them to stop.

When they do, you give them the high end treat. It's riding night. He just got it. But then you know, then they think I want to get some turkey and they just start humping your leg. You gotta have your carevel. You need a high end treat to help. Like, that's how I've solved other problems. Not the hump.

I let the hump happen because it's quick. Bessie doesn't care if he's just getting comfortable.

It's not to dog rub its pink thing on you and you're like.

He doesn't get pink. He doesn't get pink.

We had one dog that was there was one schatan who's gone now, but he got full pink and he.

Was old too. It was so funny. I was like, and it was like not proportioned to his body. It was very weird, like a bad way. No, like in a healthy way. Yeah. Yeah, like good for your still got it. Yeah. So that's that's what I would say. That would be my advice from this cool mom.

So well, I think we uh, we cracked a lot of cases.

We did very well.

We done we did better. If we're gonna hold ourselves honest. We did better with some, but I think we did good enough on all.

I would give In terms of being cool moms.

I would say this is probably an a minus in terms of all the advice we gave. I want every I want every episode to be an a plus. But there were some d rumba threw me for a loop.

Loop you got loop. Yeah it was a curveball, but but I think we really did.

We're a couple of cool moms and I appreciate you. So thanks every out there for interacting with two cool moms. I've been Joe Gatto the cool mom.

I'm Steve Byrne and I'm a cool mom too. And we'll see you next time. We'll see you next time.