Bazonkers: Episode 45 with Joe Gatto and Steve Byrne

If there was a problem, where to your mother.

You clearly have something on your mind.

Thanks for two moms. I'm Joe Gatto. It's fine. I'm Steve.

Steve's got something on dude.

Yes, what's what's the problem? There's nothing.

No. What I feel like you've got an is ishe?

No? We're getting ready to go and you're always on your phone. You're not present. I'm right in front of you.

I was on the phone trying to get answers to questions because that's part.

Of the No, it's what you saw something and you were upset, and I wonder what that is. I love you, Thank you for joining Hey think that Yes I do.

Oh I was gonna say, you think that people don't like you?

I well that too. I think about things like when I'm in bed, okay, here in your confides, I go like this, I like this. This is just for effect. I go like this, and then I think, what was it like to be the first guy to throw a boom?

Or do I bit what? Because now people have heard it and I can't tell that joke anymore.

I'm on like you. I mean, I don't know you know stuff?

He you know?

Here comes sausage party.

So you've been doing this.

She brought me a horse cock prison to it. Yeah, okay, what were you gonna say, though, do I think?

No?

I was gonna I was gonna say, do you think about me often? Because when we're not together, because you and I I'll get random like face times and texts from you about like stuff like I think about you all the time.

I've always like, oh, Steve would love this or.

Whatever, And I was wondering, like, you'll face me at like one thirty in the morning.

Well yeah, sometimes, like this guy.

Frank I met left you.

I'm like, God, the first one you've been on tour with me, you dip shit? Yeah, well yeah, I apologize for that, but I've been known to indulge in the spirits on occasion. Yeah, so that's where that comes from. So I apologize that.

One of my favorite stories though about that happened was you, Oh yeah, I got us to the driver, right, So you you met somebody in Florida and then end up coming to my show and me and Jiggy got f with a car. We didn't have a way to get a car, so I sent the gentleman a DM and said would you mind driving us, And we hired him.

As our driver. Yeah, and he drove us and he was super cool. He drove you.

I mean, it's so crazy to think, oh, two cool moms.

Oh my god, Steve. Yeah, hey, hey, oh you love Joe. Yeah, he's like more than you.

I'm like, right, okay, okay, Hey Joe is so and so. And he's like, oh my god, you made my day.

Two weeks later, yeah, I gave me tickets to my show that he came.

Is driving you across the state. That's crazy, but I think that's I was just reading this book, a.

Book, A book, I know, a book.

It's called Life on the Mississippi, and this gentleman talks about his experiences of wanting to literally take a flatboat and go down the Mississippi and see it as flatboaters did back in the day when.

I'm sorry, we're flat boat.

We're expanding into the west and so basically flatboats were used anywhere from Pittsburgh to Ohio and anybody, farmers, fur traders, whatever. They basically get a flatboats and go and float down to New Orleans, which was the major port back then. I think New Orleans now is like the fifth largest port in the world.

Right, so there was a huge.

Port of commerce. We're shipping and trading with.

Everybody from there.

Right.

So there we go.

There's a flatboat and they were made back in the day, and this guy wanted to wanted to kind of explore that point of history and go and along the way, he's just telling you about these cities. He's going to these portstown these old port towns, whatever, and yeah, I don't know, it's really just heartworm because people just want to help. People want to help somebody from out of town.

Favorite series is when me and the boys we want to go see a movie. And this is when the tour just began.

We're in the middle of nowhere, staying that like a red roof in and we want to go see a movie and there's no way to get around the town. I think it was might have been just like as Uber was hitting it and it wasn't Uber in this town or whatnot. And the girl was a fan, was behind the front desk and we were talking.

I was like, oh, there is a movie plane. She's like, yeah, the theater. I was like it walk as sheas it's like five miles away, and I was like, I was like oh. I was like.

I was like, oh, what time you're working till? And she's like, oh I worked till seven. And it was like, you know, it was like newt or whatever other Oh.

I think, so we can just borrow your car?

Then yeah, I guess I said, okay, And I just stood there, Okay.

So are you saying as a joke, are you kicking Tiress?

I really and then she gave us her keys and I was like, alright, I'll drive it. I got it and me and the boys wonderful as car. We filled it up with gas, we brought it back. We gave her, you know, we gave her some money and we said thanks so much. We paid her what a taxi would be.

It was so cool. But people like do things like that.

So now I always you're never gonna you know, you have to always like try to kick the tires, as you said, right, you have to ask people for help.

If you need some. Yeah, so it's kind of fun to see. But now as comedians, it's like, what can we get away with right?

Right?

Right? Yeah?

Well no, you especially what can we get away with it? I remember the first time was in Nashville. I was stranded at a diner. I forget what happened. I'd been drinking and I was at like a some diner off the beaten path whatever. I was definitely sau uced, but you know, hanging out. I was talking to this guy at the counter and I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is I had to I didn't have a cell phone at the time.

I mean, this is how long.

Ago I'd been doing it, maybe a year or two in and I'm calling for a cab. I'm calling for a cab. I'm calling for a cab and the guy phone a payphone and the guy saw me.

He's like, he's like, are.

You trying to get home? I'm like hey, He's like, just get in the car. I'll take you home. I was like really, He's like he's like yeah. I was like, you sure. He's like, this is what we do around here. And I remember I always remembered him saying that. I was like, it's such a nice thing. It's comforting. Yeah, in the hotel and he said nothing's for free, and I go, what do you mean? And he ends up his pants and I was like, oh god, no, I was quick.

Yeah, it was quick.

But yeah, that's how they're doing that town. Yeah.

I got out.

I don't.

I don't like there is a thing about that where you're like you have to be careful of Like I find that fine line when you're teaching kids about Like there's this woman in my.

Apartment building that loves to give candy to my kids when she sees them.

I don't know her.

She's in my building.

I've seen her a lot as a dog. We talk here and there. She's an older woman and she you know. So I was taking the dogs for a walk right in front, and I'm you know, dogs are right in front of this glass.

One doesn't.

The kids are waiting inside because it was raining, so I'm looking at them and here comes the woman. She comes over and she gives them candy. And I walk in and she was like, and she was like, oh, I.

Gave them candy.

You know, he's enjoy that candy. It's okay.

She don't tell your dad like one of those like you know. And I was like, yeah, I was like, it's nice and sweet that that happened.

I was like, but then like, it's weird too. I don't want my kids taking candies from strangers, you know. So it was like, I wonder where that line is and.

I We're never gonna believe this, but merediths here, Meredith, she is your candies.

But I wonder what it was like to live in a time, as you said, like the flat boats, where you didn't even have to think about that.

That's just the way people were. People were nice, people wanted to help people. You weren't thinking people were dubious.

There was a real sense of community back then. I think because you're basically pioneers in these towns that are bubbling up all across the country, and there's the hardships. I mean, look, if you're twelve or thirteen, you're working. Yeah at that age, if you're a if you're a fourteen year old girl, you're getting married to somebody. In the eighteen money farmers. Literally the life expectancy was so

Yeah, it's nuts.

And then it comes to snake oil salesman and he ruins everything there you go, you go you got headaches, you got polio, take this you got here, this.

Smelling herb on your and and.

You wake up in the morning, you'll be fine.

And he's gone.

And he's gone. He's in the he's in the wagon onto the next town. And he ruined it for everybody, by the.

Way, great, great, great idea though. I mean, if you're back in the day, you're away with anything. No, yeah, yeah you're do you come in that wagon wheel, you got your you got your infomercial set up, and for everybody you know, pay me up. And then he's a scrubby. Yeah the West, by the way, great, the one of the best shows, Shark Tank.

Did yes.

Did you ever fall into any sort of like, uh, did you? Were you around for the Magnets when people were like, oh, if you sleep with this magnet pillow to help get rid of your migraines, or oh, you got arthritis, put this magnet elbow strap on.

Well, they have like the things for your knees and the socks and the commercial actresses and then magnets. It's like ribbling and I've never bought into I don't know does it work?

Well, I didn't really buy into it. My Uh, my brother in law did hard.

And he became like a magnet salesman for a minute. No, yeah, and he was selling magnets, uh.

Like magnetized fabric like he got he was selling magnet. He sold my aunt a magnet magnet mattress. No, I swear to god, mattress, magnet infuse mattress like.

He was doing this and he's like, hey man, you cant get on this magnet business.

And I was like do I.

I was like, I don't know if it's you know, does it work? I don't think so. Have you tried it?

It's gone away? It was.

It was a big It was a big thing on the island for a while.

But but so you did try it?

What ails you everything? Look at me?

No, come on, you have like no, no, no, you mean I try to sell it.

No.

I never tried it or tried to sell you never tried. This is when I was way younger and and way better condition. I'm like in my early twenties.

Yeah, why you look so surprised because I was in better condition.

You trying to imagine I'm trying to imagine Joe Ghatto at peak condition, like peak Joe at birth down from the What was the best shape you've ever been in your life?

Round the best ship?

I think when I lived in La for a hot minute, like two thousand and three, I did okay.

I always in a little push ups.

I lost some weight, but then I lost too much weight because I couldn't afford to eat, and I.

Came home and I was a shiated in sick. So I think it was like fifteen. It was probably about two weeks in two thousand and three.

You're doing the hiking, you're going out, and I was running the track butting a shirt up to hear that's it, let it flow said.

I never had muscle muscles, scrape, never had muscles.

What was what was your game like in La?

Good?

Going out?

Yeah? I know.

I was more making it happen? Where'd you go in La?

In La, I didn't really do an out and about as much as I did at the house have people over. I did a lot of house party and I did a lot of mo because we lived in a fun house.

It was me and justin yeah, couple of friends and then and.

We would have people over. And I worked a lot. I worked at North Strum a lot.

Did you ever pull a number at North Trum's where you're working.

Is that frowned upon?

Well, they have to give me their number to log into the system, like what's your reward's number?

The number?

And I'm like, but you never called that?

I did once? You did once? Well she told me, She's like, well you have my number like that, So I did.

Oh really?

Yeah?

And how that work out?

But we went on dat two?

Yeah, what happened physically?

Uh?

Light insertion, light insertion and it wasn't a having insertion. It was light insertion.

Uh no, I didn't really.

I was only out there for two years.

Such a great It wasn't bzoncers out there?

Yeah, uh uh, it wasn't bzoncres.

You know. My years was in New York.

Now, let me ask you about the word bzoncres. It's banana and bonkers together.

It's just something the kids say.

It's bizankers bizankres.

Okay, So my life was bazancres here in New York before I left, you know, three yeah, yeah, before I left. Those are my bazancre years. I would say, my most bazancres.

And how bizankre did it get go? Bazankaz No?

No, no, yeah, I was I don't know, I never really had girlfriends, you know.

Because you were just such a pig.

I would say pig, I would say, a guy who.

You couldn't help yourself. Now you're in a hot streak. I was very I was huge.

I was pretty funny and just.

Yeah, yeah, did they appreciate the jokes?

After you left?

They owned the laughter stopped and the tears start, tears began.

Yeah, and that's.

Not Bazankers, that's there.

It's bazancers, not us bazankre. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I uh no, I think I had never had but you had, like cereal you we spoke about this, but you went relationship to a relationship right a lot.

I had a little hot run for a while.

Wow.

I mean when I started doing stand up, it was like I was fresh out of college and as a guy that never really did well in high school of college, I was like you in La.

It was.

So so I then all of a sudden, you doing stand up and you're you know, you're on stage in New York City, and then all of a sudden it kind of started clicking. So I yeah, I uh, I had fun for a while and then and then it just gets tiring. It's just like how many times are you going to have the same same eight eight conversation?

Same?

Like like I was dating so much that I was just like I had it down to a formula of like, Okay, here's the questions I'm going to ask. I never wrote it down to what it was, just like this has always worked in the past. We'll just keep doing this, and then you know there'd be light insertion, some heavy lights.

So is there insertion?

Insertion? Sometimes I was being inserted upon and I was establishing I don't like insertion.

No insertion zone. They they U.

I will say the if you look at like dating and how it's been throughout the years, we're talking about the pioneers, right, and now you look at how like people date today. Could you imagine like you're like, hey, you want to come on this boat with me? They say yes, then you're married, Like that's how it happens back.

Yeah, yeah, that's a Facebook. I know, like back in the day, it's.

Like, right, you go on one date and then like that's your that's dating.

In the seventies. Yeah, it's like oh okay, yeah, this is Marie. She grew up down the street and we got married at twenty. It's like, yeah, you didn't have Facebook. I mean, can you imagine I LO was.

In your high school?

See, we we didn't get we didn't have apps. No, we're pre how but bzoncres, bizoncres. Would it have been to be on an app and just scroll and hit and say meet me at Like if I had an app when I was in my twenties and I'm like, hey, maybe at the comedy shower tonight, you know, bring a friend or two if you want.

Or you will meet up, have some trip.

I mean, yeah, easier I'd be going bzonkers.

You would be bzoncers. Yeah.

But the thing about you that you did would stand up and I think that is is that you'd have a fresh crop of people to speak to each night, right, you'd have different different or each twice a night. You'd have a different room of people.

Five five different Yeah, I would do I would do four.

So you kind of were doing like a real time like a not a speed dating, but like as a as a you know, you would have people would have seen you, and you got exposure to these people. They get to see you, they think you're funny or not cute or not, and then they could approach you or not. So, but there's like people that were just like if you were I guess, I guess this happens a lot of people,

Always met a lot of people that way.

But if you're like in an office, if you're in like the eighties and you work in an insurance office, like it's.

Those twelve people you work with, right, it really is a number.

It's a horrible pool. But as a common my parent, my parents met because they worked together. They worked together.

My mom and dad were was dating when you worked at the baby store.

Now the baby stor was great because you know, they put out thing.

I think with that though, was like my parents met in their office, right, And like I feel like there was a whole generation of probably our parents and just before our parents that people either met at work, right or were in there like school and that was it sure or church, church right so or the community.

Yeah yeah, yeah.

You're not really going outside of any of that. People aren't going away to college people are you.

Know, no, and all the the three I would say, the three like real relationships I genuinely had my life were three, you know, including Jess obviously the last one.

I hope that's in the numbers.

Those were those were if you left her out.

The three plus my wife and children, the three when I was smiling and happy. Uh, those three were all long distance. All the relationships I had that meant something and were worthwhile in life. For all long distance, I never had one where somebody lived in the city and it lasted more than you know, a while to be really genuinely significant.

M I was a big long distance or two you were yeah, yeah, I mean best of a long distance for a year and a half before she moved to New York.

She was in Gali, like full circle. There you go, full circle? Yeah, nowhere now you're long distance.

Short distance.

It's a couple of miles from the now.

But yeah, it's interesting to be like, you know, to that, because I think there is something like the opportunity to miss somebody is big right then long distance back in the day, like you only got to know people by like talking to them on the phone or like FaceTime, and you would even before FaceTime, like you would just you're just oh you had was talking, and that's how you really get to know.

Somebody, right, So you spend time on the phone is really how you're doing it.

So I think that's why you felt so connected to those people.

Yeah, one hundred percent. I think it's you can do all these things on the phone still, right, But.

I'll never forege. I think one of the best.

Parts of Citizen Kane is the reporter. For those of you know or don't know the film, they're trying to figure out the significance of Rosebud, which is Caine's last words before he dies.

Right, So these reporters have figured out what is what is Rosebud? That's the whole film.

And so this.

Reporter goes and he's talking to his base, his accountant, Charles Foster, Kane's accountant, and he says, do you think it could be about a girl? I'm trying to figure this out and it doesn't seem like it. And he said, very well, it very well could be. You know, I'm paraphrasing. I don't want to butcher the dialogue because it's so good, but he's basically saying he's basically saying you never know

Did countess it's a whole section on Craigslis, Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Connection culture had that movie Sliding Doorsut seen someone in the subway and and the whole movie was about what would happened if she didn't and what would happen but if she did?

It was such a the what ifs? Hmmm, what if we answered the question? Nice segue, Let's get into it.

Here we go.

This is coming to us from Alexa. Alexa gets right to the point.

Okay, Alexa, you're ready for this? Yes.

Seriously, guys, whatever the fuck I cannot decide and I need guidance. Okay, okay, without context at all, please help me and answer yes or no?

Thank you.

Ah, So we're her magic eight ball. This was all caps, by the way, half of this was an all caps, So I think it's important. I don't know what she's saying. I don't know what the context is, but I know it is significant and she just needs a simple yes or no. If it wasn't all if it was just, if it was not all caps, I wouldn't take it as seriously because in a.

Dark situation, she needs a yes or no. So where the flip of the coin. We are with a.

Flip of the coin.

Now tell me what your what your gut is right now, don't say it, but remember right now what your gut is to say.

And now let's discuss a couple of things. Okay, good. Let's put one in.

Should she okay, let's should she buy this pair of shoes that she saw on a on Adidas dot com that she really likes.

That are on sale for forty nine dollars? Okay?

And then on the other end, should be like, should she pull the plug on her grandmother. There's a whole array apostasy the grandmother like a dida here, Well, the grandmother has the promo code.

But let me get to it.

So like there's array, and now also put this in your head, like I want her to have to act upon what we answer.

I want her to keep, her to.

Keep Let's say, you've got to come with us to let us know. Okay, this is so bizoncreus.

Is the most bizoncreous thing that's happened so far on this Okay to cool Mom's okay, So now what's your instinct telling you before we had that conversation.

But is it the same word? You change? Well?

Uh, I when you throw it out like they're like that, right, Yeah, there's context, there's significance. But I think I, by nature am someone who leans.

A lot more positive. I lean, yes, I'm gonna, I'm gon lean.

Yes where the Jim Carrey movie, Yes man, Yes, I say yes, I say yes, I say yes, And I hope it's the sneakers and not the grandmother. Yes, yes, I'm all in on it, and we hope, we hope it's it's good advice.

There's got to be a follow up she's got a lot of snow to let us know what this is, and you need to act on a yes.

It's got to be a yes. Okay, great, I love it.

It was a good one. Okay.

Hey, mom's hi from Avery. First off, thanks for being the best mothers and helped me through hard times. Joe, especially with the Jokers and Steve comedy. Is that what you do? But here's the question that was that's not what it says, that's what comedy?

Is that what you do?

Oh? She puts the emoji though, But.

Here's the question.

Okay, I want to go to college out on the East Coast, mainly Brooklyn, but my mom is not the most supportive about it. She wants me to stay in Minnesota. How to approach the subject of what I want of me wanting to be independent and to go away from my family. By the way, Steve, you are also amazing.

Oh, she's very sweet.

She brought it back.

That's why, so Avery, I would say.

This is your moment in time.

You've got to do what's best for you.

This is the beginning of your paying for it.

Well, even if not, this is her, this is her moment to be independent.

Nobody could tell you what to do. She's not independent if they're paying for it.

But if this is where she wants to go, I think she's probably found a school that is specializing in something she.

Wants to do.

Why why would she choose Brooklyn from here?

Maybe she wants to get into a big city out of a small town. Could just be that.

So not to be about the school, you're making assumptions. For me, the one thing that the major ingredient here is who's paying for it. If you got a got a scholarship, or were able to take out a loan and you're gonna pay off your own thing and go East Coast, you're going to the East Coast. You don't need your parents permission to do that. So to me, it seems like her parents are paying for it. So then they tell you where to go.

I'm of the different mindset. I say go to Brooklyn. I say load up on debt in your twenties.

That's what it's all about.

Make mistakes, have fun, get out here, experienced life. You've been in Minnesota. It's fucking freezing, it's well, the weather is going to make you my god, have you ever been in Minnesota? In January?

Oh my god.

Ess as parents live up there. We've been up there for the holidays once and I was like, I never did this again, for sure, never do it again. It's yeah they by the way, by the way, like at their house, I think to the first time we hung out over the holidays. They brought out sheep music and set in a circle, and the one cousin brought at I was like, god, fuck, no way, fu all y'all.

I was like, see ya done.

Yeah. Uh, I went right to guitar.

Yeah, just rust you ever see that movie about a boy, Yeah, Hugh Grant. Yeah, He's like and Tony Kollett and the boy are sitting there at the piano singing and killing me softly, and they both closed their eyes and he's like, I can't fuck Like that's exactly what I felt. I was like, oh my god, sweetest people, nice people.

I remember.

The first from the guitar came out for me, I was it was his name was Ralph, and uh he took one out in Philadelphia, Joe. Yep, his name was Ralph. And we were in Philadelphia and we had brought a couple of birds back to the flat and uh, Joe is yeah, in my early twenties and we brought some birds back out to the flat, were hanging out. It was Bizoncerus and we're all talking and he's from England. Yeah, He's like, oh, let me And he took out and

We brought the birds back on our own.

He was just at that bird house and he just starts flying and singing and it just got really weird.

And is that the first time you fell in love with Oasis?

I did? Yeah, they were my wonderwall.

Now what happened with uh? With with Ralph? He?

This is? Is this real? Yeah?

Is that real?

Yeah?

And you didn't know him. That's the great thing about it.

It was my first time, meaning like a single guy, you're out and about and just when things matriculate the right way, you're out with another dude who you don't know.

It was the brother of a friend who I was working with.

But there's that unspoken camaraderie of like, dude, we're going to help each other. You don't have to say it, but we're all helping each other out here.

It was this guy's brother and he was like, let's get to the fucking sexy on. And he's a guy, his guitar was he was good.

He was good.

He was good man.

His name was Rolf. You can't be bad? Is this guy? Andrew Broaderick? Uh? I had Drew Drew Broadwick.

Sorry, I was in acting class with I mean a gorgeous man. Yeah, he was the gorge scent. He had the hair pulled back. He was a really charismatic, handsome guy. And and we go out and we're having a great time. We end up back at his place and he's like, let me get the guitar.

I'm like you mother.

Oh, on top of it all, he can play the guitar.

Yeah, he had a three way and I went home alone. Oh he was that good.

Wow, he played the panties right off him.

He played literally Wow, unbelievable.

It's like, do you do you?

Are you a personal photographer and candle maker as well? You fucking asshole?

Like so, I just flew in from Detroit.

Boy created an Irish, im, Caucasian and Asian.

Anybody, anybody would do some sausage party. Can you play your asshole?

Oh that's crazy?

Yeah, Oh my god, that's how good he was.

Though I wish I.

Could play instrument.

What would you play?

Flute? Yes, most most portable?

What would you play?

I would play a piano for sure, to be able, because I always wanted a house with a piano in it.

But I would love to sit down.

And I tried to make my daughter play piano lessons and she took to it for like a year and then she was like, I won't do it anymore, so she stopped doing it. I hope you'll pick it back up, but I'm not. I think a piano would be nice to play and sit down. And this isn't about like sitting down. And if there's a piano there and somebody starts playing it, there's like an excitement like, oh do you like that?

You know you actually can play?

Cool? So also the only one you don't have to bring with you.

But the rule of thumb is if you can play piano, you can play anything.

Does what I tell you? Yeah, you could use your thumbs.

I don't know us is the rule of thumb. The chord progression.

It'sons Manzoncers. Okay, you ready, this is coming to us from Rock Sand. Please help me keep my name anonymous.

Oops, start again.

Sorry, I'll beat it.

I'll be I'll just didn't really vent this as well as I thought it did. By the way, I mean, it could be any Rock Sand.

Don't say it again.

I know it could be one hundred. There could be.

It's like I didn't say your last name, but it's like, Hi, my name is Steve. Keep this anonymous. Well there's a millions out there.

He gives a shit.

Okay, Well maybe maybe the context of the question and that's all the person needs to put pieces all together.

Let's get into it.

Okay, Hi, moms, I love the show. This is a two or three parter. We're just gonna take two.

Okay.

How can a guy you've known for so long, married and had a kid with now seem like a total stranger. We tried counseling with different professionals, had his family and my family reach out to him, and given my mom seems to stick up for him more than I. I work full time and have a part time job and he just has a part time job. It treats me like crap. I'm done, and I think I need to come to terms. I need to go ahead and file

She said, she said, she said everything she needs to.

Part two my mom My mom does not see how she negatively affects me, and we'll never admit it. Somehow, I still always want her opinion.

What gives?

Okay? So all right, so what gives? Well, the first part really and have a questions. She's just letting us and letting her know what's going on. I guess she's getting divorced, okay, And she said her mom didn't agree with it. So then the second part is the opinion what gives?

But her mom negatively affects her, but she still wants her mom's opinion.

I mean that's just that's just human nature, right, Yeah, that's just from growing up. I mean, but you're you're smart enough to realize you don't need it because you're you're acting. You're going to act on things that she doesn't agree with anyway, So I would say, just.

Just keep doing that.

You're looking for your mother mother's approval, you're not getting it and you're still existing, So then just remove the part of the way of waiting for her approval because you're still existing and you're still.

Yeah, I think most of the time we inherently know what's best for us. You're just kind of looking for reaffirmation exactly right. You're just going even want somebody in your corner.

You want somebody saying that's right, so somebody could help lay down.

The mattress if you fall, right, Yeah, you know, somebody.

Could just be like's you know, well, oh, I think a the way we wanted.

But it's fascinating because when you're listening to somebody plead their case, make their case right. I mean, rarely are people truly objective about the situation.

Right.

It's just like and he did this, and he did that, and he did this, and he did this, and it's just like, well, okay, well what did you do? Like what are your part with exactly yeah. And I think if more people are more objective, you get an honest opinion. But I think again, at the end of the day, you know what's best for you, how to self preservation subconsciously, you know what to do.

It's all hard.

It's hard to try to make a decision by yourself because it's two ways to approach a decision. Right, your decision is either that you get counsel from people that you trust, sure or no. The other way to do it is just go with your gut, as they say, right, And I don't know how often they're not the same answer.

I don't know how oftenrue or not.

Yeah, So why even involve other people and just you know what's best for you?

Yeah, to try to.

Do that, you know, I agree with this. I don't want to make a correlation. Like professionally, but you always go with your gut, right, you go with your Jimney cricket. You're conscious, you know what to do best for you. But I think as you get older, if you're still mired in like situations that are redundant, you gotta break that cycle at some point.

And if you're still face if you keep getting faced with the same decision.

Or say yeah, I mean that's not to bring it. But like professionally my career, I've I've just always done the same thing, like on stage as a comic, and it was always good enough but not great, you know, I was always getting work and doing but I was like, I gotta think outside the box, do something different. Thus the specially we worked on. And it was only until like having the self realization to go, Okay, well do you want to do do you want to go ahead

I need to make a pivot here.

I need to do something drastic and force myself to think out side the box and recalibrate my career and challenge myself. And it wasn't until that point that now you know, doing this thing, it's like, okay, well we'll see if it works. I don't know, but at least I took the onus upon myself and held myself accountable, because if I didn't, then things would just keep being like that. I'd just be at that same level.

And you'd from a professional standpoint and from fulfillment thing, you'd be just giving people more of the same. Here you're able to give them something different and also something you enjoyed, that you showed even more of yourself than you wouldn't a comedy special because it is quite personal what you get into too.

Yeah, And I think that's the difference between like take for example, and I'm not like, I'm just like reflexively thinking about like Will Ferrer. Right, Will Ferrell has consistently been hilarious and funny, but it's kind of the same. You're banging the same drum in every scenario. Bruce Willis was guilty of that every action film. It's like, what's the difference between Diehard and you know, the war films he's done.

He's still like smirking.

And kind of cold and cool, And then you have somebody like Jack Nicholson or Leonardo DiCaprio that just constantly make these hard pivots Johnny Depp, like, you know, how do you go from parts of the Caribbean to like really dark indie films that he's done where he's on an Indian reservation.

You know.

It's just like, I just think that those people have survived because they've made hard recalibrations in their in their career.

Right, you know, it's the way you approach it. I guess yeah.

I don't think seeking other people's approval has ever come out, has ever led to a good good?

Is never a good motivation to see other people's approval, and.

So what you know, what, you know, what's the best When a good friend pulls you aside and goes, hey, hey, fuck face doing this wrong, pay attention. Yeah, you you're you're you're doing you're doing this completely wrong. That's when it's the best time I think to get.

I think when it's not When it's not that's what you're unsolicited, unsolicited, And it's when it's somebody that you know cares about you saying something you should listen.

And that is Bizoncres, that's Bazoncres. Okay, this is going to us from do you want to tell everybody what Bozonkers is?

It's banana and bon bonkers boss together but bonkers.

Okay, it's catching on. It's what all the kids are saying. It's wildfire.

You're ready for a bzancer's question?

Hit me?

This is coming us from Tay t A t a y Hey, Tay Tay you readyay? Okay, Tay says, what's going on? Mommy's I love the podcast. I listen to you all the time while I'm at work. Uh question, what's the craziest, funniest experience.

You've ever witnessed? This is Dante.

Wow, craziest or funniest experience you've ever witnessed? I'll tell you last night we were at dinner and you told me that Jeff Johnson's story. That's one of those things where I wish I was there because that sounded.

So that's something up there, certainly up there.

Even more than that was the recap. So we're on tour our, our tour manager, Jeff Johnson. It's me, Sally and Murder were downstairs and.

And this, Jeff, just just for context for everybody. You know, the look somebody has before they're about to hit a deer like that's what Jeff Johnson looks like every day, right, He's just kind of.

Like, oh yeah, deer in headlights, like something's about to happen.

And usually it's because of you, I know, addresser tour managers.

Hey, what are we doing?

Yeah?

Lovable love sweetest, such a great dude.

And so he was. It was the first tour weekend. We're torn with him.

He's writing a check out for us to pay us for the weekend. It's a it's a it's a nice take home for us, and.

He's, as you said, this is the first big legit check you guys have ever made in your career.

So me he me sala Murdy down says, doing the settlement with him, and he's going through it and he's writing the check out and he starts to sign the check and as he's talking, he starts having a bit of a call attack and he starts going, you know, he said.

Well, you know this is good been.

And he just powers down pen in hand and he just sits there and dies in front of us.

So then Murray is sitting next to him. He shakes his shoulder and he's.

Like Jeff, Jeff and then Sal jumped up and went and that night we had played the Hoyt Sherman Theater and Sal's brain disconnected and he ran to grabbed the courtesy phone of this hotels.

Conferenceman which we were barring downstairs to call the police.

And he picks up the phone and goes, get me Hoyt Sherman the phone, and then I jumped up and did like a half half seat belt fake kimelike where I was just granted him and I was just basically shaking like lifting him. Marms going, Jeff, and I'm doing this, and Sal's cowboy Scherman with freaking out and he comes to.

Didn't He said.

We found out that he had this condition where he if he had coughed and tried to talk through it too much, he would lose oxygen and faint.

And it's happened to him a bunch of it was like.

A bronchial thing, and he failed to mention that to us. Ever, and the day before that, we were all driving in the white van, like a Runner van, which we had rented, and he was driving and we were all like napping and he was coughing.

Driving and I said to him, I said, so that could happen while you're driving. He goes, yes, it's happened before.

I was like, my life is in your hands.

That was bezonkers. That is genuinely that was very funny.

And so the thing that was the funniest was the recap. When we got in the elevator and we went upstairs. We just sat there, the door shut, and we were all still in disbelieveout what had just happened. And then I just turned to the guys and we just I was like, did you guys see how he just shut down? And I just started doing impressions of.

Him dying in front of us, recapping what had happened.

And we were on the third floor of this hotel in outside the elevator. I was holding the elevated door open, and Salad gotten off to get on his floor. He was laying on the floor screaming because his side was in pain, side splitting, yelling at me to stop Murray was punching me and stop and I just kept going.

And that was the one of the hardest I think we've ever left as a group over the our thirty.

Oh my god.

Yeah, that was crazy.

Jeff Johnson and he's still uh, he still work with all your.

Yeah, he still works with the nicest guy worked last weekend.

He's the best about the sun.

The sun always steals my fucking strawberries in the green room. We just just e's my strawberries. So it's like a joke with us.

It's like his name.

He's got sons out seventeen now, but he was like twelve years old and he used to come in and we were just all sitting there talking and I look over at the table and it's like the Blair Witch project where he's just facing the wall and he's just chopping on strawberries and he's taking the green pieces.

And putt him back in the flight.

I said, Jeff, could you get your son to stop eating my strawberries and just look at.

Me and you jump.

Like that groundhog video.

You ever see the groundhog video that's like pissing off the farmer and eating all of his food in front of her God, that.

Is so funny.

It is.

Yeah, that's so, that's my that's my story. It's straight Bazancres, that is Bizoncres. I think my my craziest. I don't think I've ever told the story on the pod?

Did I the story of forty episodes? You may have, but let's hear it.

Do ever tell you the story about the fight in Phoenix, Arizona?

In Phoenix? Yeah? No, the one in Milwaukee you told me about.

No, Okay, so I was in Phoenix.

This is the craziest, this is funny.

Yeah, okay, so I I I'm with Uh, I'm with subashing Menoscaco. Right, we meet these girls. We're hanging out all night, have a great night. I dip off with the girl, hang out, we hook up. I come back down. Sebasha's still hanging out with his girl. I don't think they ever made it to his room. They were sitting at the pool the whole time. And that's how always

Whatever.

And then I come kind of like sneaking through and go under his arm. I'm like, hey, guys, you know, just wrapping up.

I get it.

You know, we're all just trying to have fun or whatever, just trying to make it smooth and nice and uh. And the guy is just ignoring me. I don't exist. I'm Patrick swayzeing ghost, right, I'm not there. So he's holding the door open be it's making that noise. He goes, come on, girl, just give me a number. She's like, I'm not giving my number. He's like, just give me a number.

Do you want to hang with this fauce? He's holding up the change.

She's like, I don't want I'm not giving you my number, and he goes. He goes, well, I'm not closing these doors till I get your number. She goes, I'm not giving you my number. You and then she drops the end box.

Oh my good god, and.

Now like she says it, then he sees you, well he did. He walks in the elevator. The elevator has been waiting. It goes, whoosh, closes. Okay, she's in the corner. The girl's in the corner. I move in. The guy comes in. We grab each other and I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe this is happening. So we're we're kind of like wrestling rock hockey fighting exactly. So I went for the shirt.

I go for the jersey.

I pull the jersey, his shirt over his head. And now I'm like, I'm in an elevator in a confined space. You got to go for broke, and I'm just throwing everything I have at this guy. I'm uperacut hit but boom boom boom boom, hitt him, hitting him, hit him, and he can't see and he's kind of like shit, he's getting pounded and he drops to his knees.

He goes chill dog, jail, Jill, Dog, jail jail. Like, are you done? He goes chill dog. I go, are you done?

He goes chill jill.

I'm done.

I'm done. So he gets up.

Okay.

I kind of back off to the wall. The girls are crying, right this guy is standing there. He pulls his shirt over his head, and I'm sitting there, going, he's gonna come at me. He's gonna come at me again, because now he's got a shirt off. He's ready. And I remember Sarah Smiles from Hall and Oates is playing. So if I'm ever in a CBS or Walgreens and I hear that song, I'm instantly in an elevator in Arizona. So I'm sitting there and I'm just like, oh fuck, okay,

I go yeah.

He goes, you did the Bruce Lee the Bruce Are you the Bruce Lee guy?

I go yeah.

He goes, holy shit, no fucking way, what are you doing here? I go, oh, I is at the improv and hooked up with this racist tonight.

So that's now he's laughing. She kind of chuckles.

He's like, holy shit, man, I think you're hilarious.

I was like, oh, thanks man.

All of a sudden, you hear the elevator was stuck. This is the part I forgot to tell you. When we were rocking, we got stuck. So that's why we're just sitting there in this elevator. So we knocked it off its moorings whatever. So now we hear so the elevator goes directly to the lobby. The doors pop open. His boys heard everything because we're like a floor die or whatever. Right, they hear everything, the tussle, all the shit, and so doors pop open all of a sudden, ping ping ping.

I get jacked. My shirt gets ripped.

He go, whoa, guys, guys, guys, stop stop, stop yo. This is that Bruce Lee guy from comic with you. They go, what, oh shit, that's the fucking Bruce Lee guy. The manager is there in the lobby, he's the one with the key that active. He goes, He goes, I'm just letting everybody know. I called the cops.

They're on their way.

These guys dip off. The girls get back in the elevator, go down. The manager is getting me a tissue because I'm bleeding here.

I'm bleeding here.

My shirt is completely ripped and I have a tissue and I'm putting it to my thing. He's like, he's like, seriously, the cops are coming. Do you want to press charges or anything?

I go no, no, no, I'm okay. And then who do you think?

Rounds the corner. Sebastian in all Adidas gear with like facial moisturizing cream and he's literally holding a frappuccino like this, and he looks at me and goes.

What the fuck.

Up. It had been maybe five minutes. That was all in five minutes. So that's the that's the craziest.

Story on the road.

What a weird thing.

Crazy. Yeah, And I left the guy tickets for the next for the next show. Really yeah did he come? I don't know if he came or not. I didn't want to go back out there because it's like I don't want to get involved in this or whatever. But yeah, that is BIZARKA.

Thank you everyone for joining us on Two Cool Moms. We appreciate you. Thanks so much for coming out to see us.

And on the road, the road, lots of on the roads, that's right, right soon and then.

With Vegas Vegas January.

Right, we're going to be doing one thousand Oak thousand Oaks, Vegas, Phoenix and Vinix Vegas Boom Boom January.

Annual Boom Boom thirteen fourteen, fifteenth. There Boys to Men and ABC BBD the Thanks so much everybody, These two Cool Mommies love you, so show us some love.

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