Welcome to Two Cents Worth. I am your host, Ryan DeFaber. Before we get to the show, as always, we would like for you to like, share, comment on the podcast. It helps us grow. It helps us reach out to the wider community that we are trying to impact with the stories that I bring to you on mostly a weekly basis. So, without further ado, on to the show. Music. Thank you.
Welcome to Two Cents Worth. I am your host, Ryan DeFaber. It is June, and with June, for those of you who don't know, June is actually Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. And so that's what I wanted to talk about today. I wanted to hit on some things that go on in our lives as men. Men statistics, things that I do, things that I notice and aware of, and we're going to have a discussion about it. So sit back and relax and enjoy the conversation.
So just so you're aware, the mental health month started in 1994 for men, and it was started. One of the reasons is because in men versus women, men are less likely to communicate and seek out help for their mental health. Just so you're aware, collectively in the world, men are more likely to commit suicide than women, almost by three to four times more than women. And then also men are less likely to seek out. Help by almost 20% less likely to seek out help from a mental health professional.
So wanted to just hit on that. Seems a little tough to start a conversation off that way, but it is something important to talk about. You know, Benjamin Franklin had a great quote where he said, most men die at 25 but aren't buried until they're 75. Hopes and dreams often die by 35. So assuming no major life changes, is there really a difference between dying at 35 or dying at 75? Very profound. I mean, what he's stating there is really at age 25, we as men usually stop educating ourselves.
And by 35, we stopped growing, not physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And so again, I think it's very important to talk about these things and to understand them. And we as men are faced with a lot of burdens in life. Life is hard in general. And you as a man are required, and I say required because you are, To be the protector of your family, of your friends. You are there to stay strong and to lead. That is who we are. That is what we is in our DNA. That is what we are.
And with that comes a lot of, as I mentioned, burdens. And, you know, the outside world is a tough world. It's a tough world to navigate. And there are things that are very amplified that don't help. Our media constantly wants us to be afraid, wants us to see how bad the world is, and to beat us down a little bit. Tell me the last time you watched any type of news network and actually had a good feel-good story on there throughout the entire broadcast.
It's not. It's constantly feeding us with this fear, aggression. Hatred towards groups, towards yourself, whatever it might be, right? So you face that on a regular day basis. It's hard to not see that social media, the presence and creation of social media. Some will say it's a blessing. Some will say that it's a curse.
And when you look at it and the dopamine is constantly being pushed into you and the AI and the algorithm create what it creates for you, you can be put into a really tough mental state. And so you face these things as a son, as a friend, as a father, as a husband, as an employee, whatever it might be. There are so many outside factors that are constantly pulling at you that, you know, we as men, you know, we have to face and a lot of times really kind of.
Pushed down internally. And I think it's good for you to have outlets to help combat some of that compression of what we're facing on a day-to-day basis. So if you know much about me, I work out quite a bit. I enjoy hanging out with friends, golf, family, marriage, all of those things, these are things that help me combat that. Really working on communication as well, communicating with people.
Me and my wife went out the other night and she asked how I was doing and my only response was, I'm okay, which I, pretty short. And I am, I'm okay. I'm like, I'm not bad or anything. I'm just, I'm okay.
But sometimes that can be translated as like, like i'm okay and it's like oh well are you really okay but i i am but you know i look back at that statement that i said to her and i'm like oh man i probably could have been a little more, robust in my answer instead of kind of how it is like when if you have kids and they get off the school bus at the end of the day and it's like you know how was school good what'd you do nothing
so like when she asked she's like are you okay i'm like yeah or no or whatever it was like how are you doing i'm like i'm okay not a great answer but you know at the time i was i'm like Like, I'm okay. I was fine. But should have been a little more expansive. So working on communication and those things. But again, you know, for men and for us, like my outlets are working out. Playing golf, hanging out with my friends, hanging out with my family.
Relaxing, stepping away from work. So again, for those of you who don't know, I work from home a hundred percent. I do travel for work and go to see some of my employees across the country. But for most of my time, I work from home by myself, nine to 10 hours a day. And so I get asked a lot too, like when I'm talking about working out, everyone's like, well, you have a gym at home. Why don't you just work out there?
Well, one of the main reasons is, well, two of the reasons, two of the big reasons are I've been working out with my friend Pete since, I mean, we were in college, so 18 years old, 20 plus years, but also too, I spend nine to 10 hours alone in my office working. And my only communication with people is through Microsoft Teams through a camera over a laptop.
That's the only interaction I have throughout the majority of my day during the school year until my kids get home from school or my wife gets home from work. And so I go to the gym because it's also an outlet for me to be social. And then those of you that know me within the gym, I'm not always the most social because I'm also there to work out, but I'm just there with people.
So if I also worked out alone every single day at my house, I would be alone for 12 hours a day, half the day, every single day, five days a week. That can create a very isolating and lonely experience. So I always try and do my best to, and look, working out alone every once in a while is not bad. I do enjoy that. When Pete he can't make it to the gym, I usually do work out from home. But again, staying in that isolation can be hard and it can be lonely. And so how do you as a man.
Get yourself out of that. Making sure I get out of the house, making sure I get out of my office. Like my kids at the end of the day will be like, Hey, can we come up? Cause again, their video games are in here. Cause it's a bonus room as well. I'm like, yeah, go for it. They're like, do you want to stay in here and watch me play video games? I'm like, I would love to, but I do need to get out of this room. You know, I'm in this room for a mentioned nine to 10 hours a day.
I need to get out of here. Whether it's go sit outside or go sit downstairs somewhere else in the house. And then after dinner, we take the dog on a walk, getting outside, doing things in the garage, whatever it might be. Just getting myself out of this room helps a lot too. Changing my environment helps because again, I just mentioned it two to three times, the isolation and loneliness can set in.
The brain is such a powerful tool, but it also is a tool that can be very deceptive, if you know what I mean, right? When you're in isolation and loneliness, the mind plays tricks on you. It brings thoughts into your head. I've never had any terrible thoughts. I do want to preference that. I've never had any suicidal thoughts. I've never had any depressional thoughts. But when you're alone with your own thoughts, you can create scenarios that just aren't true, right?
And so always changing your environment, being able to navigate, having some type of outlet for me, it's working out, trying to stay in shape and also hanging out with friends. Like at the end of the week, my wife is able to go into work. She can be an extrovert and talk to coworkers and be there in person and all of that. I don't. So at the end of the week, I do like to hang out with my friends, have a couple of drinks.
And she's, she's always is sometimes like, I'm kind of burned out from people to where then like, to me, that's my time to shine with people. Cause I'm like, I talk to people at five o'clock in the morning to six, six 30 in the morning when people are waking up and working out. And so then the only other time I have that ability is on the weekends, on a Friday night or a Saturday, Sunday, whatever, playing golf, those things. So, you know, to me, the weekend is really where I shine.
And then I come out of my shell where the rest of the week, I'm kind of in my element, in my house, doing my thing, working, staying isolated. Where during the week she's out and not isolated. So then the weekend, sometimes she's like, I don't want to hang out because I want to be internal and kind of be an introvert at that point in time. So it is kind of funny how our schedules are a little different, but I really thrive on the weekends. That's really when I enjoy it.
Saturday morning or any day, anytime during the day on Saturday, go and work out in the garage, I have the garage door open, neighbors walk by, wave at me, whatever, see, and like, I'm in my element. My son's there with me, the dog's with me. And it, you know, it really helps. It helps clear the mind, clear the mechanism, as we say. That's one thing that I certainly utilize quite a bit is the ability to work out and help that.
And then through my marriage as well, right? I've been married 17 years this year. We've been together close to 20 years. So it is making sure that our marriage is successful and that some of the things that we face off as men too is our relationships. And the one thing that I want to always hold constant is my marriage. In my relationship with my wife. And so that takes a lot of work and that takes a lot of mental clarity as well as a lot of mental hard work.
And, you know, if you don't have good communication and you don't have a spouse that reciprocates the love that you provide to them, that can bury you too. Right. And again, just kind of going to the world, the world is harsh. We are always faced with something, whether again, if you're married and have kids, or if you're not married, you don't have kids.
You as a man are always faced with something, whether it's from a financial perspective, a job perspective, relationships, you know, a multitude of things. And we're taught to really kind of just battle those, you know, work through those, which is what we're built for, right? You know, built to be the protector. But at the same time, we always have to have some type of outlet and be able to communicate and have those pieces around us to help build us up. Right.
And so, you know, the other thing that I've, I've started to do too, is really focus more on having this type of mentality change. And I've talked about that in previous episodes as well, of really changing my mentality of life, right? Not always being like, oh, I have to do that. I get to do that saying I get to do that, changing the way that your brain is wired, having this type of champion mentality versus type of victim mentality.
And I have, I took this picture from, I'm talking about social media, but I follow a lot of these types of accounts on social media to keep me in line and keep me on track. And this was a great one, so the champion mentality, they stay positive, they take responsibility, they find solutions, they admit when they're wrong, and they ask for feedback. And I try and also do that at work. I always tell my team, you all need to be accountable for each other.
I'm accountable for you. And then you also need to hold me accountable, right? Take responsibility, be a good teammate, find solutions. If you've messed up, admit that you've messed up, learn from that, take feedback, be able to take instructive criticism. It's not meant to knock you down. It's meant to build you up. Having that type of mentality in life will help you.
Change that wiring in your brain. The victim mentality, they complain, they're blaming others, they make excuses, never think anything is their fault, and they don't want feedback. If you're so shut off that you don't want feedback in life, you're never going to grow. It goes back to that quote from Benjamin Franklin, where he says, hopes and dreams often die by 35.
You are not growing as a person, if you're not accepting feedback, if you've never take responsibility for anything, don't be the victim in life. Change that mentality, be a champion. Those are the things that I start thinking about and looking at and really trying to work on for myself is having that type of mentality. So, through all of this, I do wanna say, if we are, the men that are listening to this in the women as well, there's always people there to listen.
Your friends, your real friends should be the ones that are always willing to listen. Your family as well. You should have a support system around you. And I always tell people this, that have ever talked to me about this type of thing, or have talked about friends that they know that have thought of or dealt with depression or thought of suicide. I always say, just make it to the next day.
I believe, and I've talked to some of my people that work for me before, I've talked to them about this when they've been going through hard times, and I truly believe this as a Christian, God doesn't put anything in front of you that you cannot handle. You might not think you can handle it, but just make it to the next day, and you'll see that eventually you're going to work through whatever challenges you're put in front of, or that are put in front of you. And I'm a firm believer in that.
So let's celebrate men's health. Let's celebrate men's mental health for June and beyond June every single day, right? We're going through things. We usually keep them bottled up. That is just who we are as individuals, but as a support system to either your husband, your friend, your boyfriend, your family member, your brother, your son, be supportive, always be there for them, work on communication, and continue to help.
It's a tough world out there. There's a lot of outside influences, a lot of things that can really poison you. Work on that mentality. Have a champion mentality. Don't be the victim. Be the solution. I hope the best for all of you. I hope that this episode is helpful.
I hope it's not a downer of an episode by any means. This is more for me trying to explain to you some of the things that I do and utilize, as well as trying to change the mindset and also know that you do have someone that will be willing to listen and that you should have a support system. You might not think it, but there is always a support system for everybody. As always, I appreciate everyone listening, like, follow, subscribe, all those things, whatever it is. Have a great day.