ALESSANDRA RAMPOLLA - MAFS - CHANNEL NINE

It's in the news today, but it was actually on TV Reload, the podcast Last Weep that wy Hey, guys, welcome back to TV Reload. I want to thank you for clicking and downloading on today's episode with Alessandra, one of the relationship experts from Married at First Sight Australia, which launches season twelve tonight on Channel nine. Married at First Sight is in institution and so many people watch the Channel nine reality series, not just in Australia but

Makes this show so addictive.

There's actually so much to talk about, with so many inside revelations. So guys, as I said, sit back and relax as we unpack the wonderful world of Meredith First Site Australia for season twelve.

Hi, then can you hear me?

Yes, I can hear you now. Thank you so much for that. Sorry about the technology. It's always a bit of a problem, isn't it.

It is quote all right, no worries.

I'm very excited about having this chat with you because I think you do such a fantastic job on the show, and over the years I've spoken to John and Mel and now I feel like I've collected all three of you.

I've collected the set.

Finally, I was a missing piece.

I think your role as a sexologist is really important to the show. How did you get asked to be a part of Meredith First.

Thank you so much.

Yes, I think for a show when you're thinking about a marriage and a romantic relationship long term, you can't really think about that without considering the implications of the sexual connection and how that grows with the couple, or maybe perhaps doesn't and comes back to create problems in the future.

So it is an integral part in my case with Matth.

I think people from endemol Shine knew of my work through some previous work I had done where we had collided in the world of Emmy World in New.

York years ago, and so they.

At a certain point after Trish left the experiment, they were looking for somebody to come in, and somebody mentioned my name and they came to look for me and sent me a couple of seasons of the existing show, which is in Australia a much larger kind of bigger TV format than they do in other countries around the world. So I had a good grasp of what they were doing in Australia and I loved it.

But I thought they.

Were missing, of course, some chat around sexuality, and I also thought there were situations that could have really that could have been great for conversation that perhaps wasn't shown in previous seasons. So I was keen to kind of, you know, in terms of bad behaviors and things like that that were occurring on the experiment. I wanted to make sure that there was conversation surrounding that and not simply something that was shown but not really talked about.

I'm always amazed at how you managed to make some taboo conversations sound quite normal without it sounding pervial weird.

Oh thank you, that's so nice.

I think, yes, I think sexuality is a topic that many people shy away from, precisely because they feel they don't know how to talk about it. They don't know if they have the right words, or if it's gonna sound like not couth or not nice or not agreeable to everyone. But I do think it's part of the

I just think that we're getting better at being able to talk about sex. I don't know what's happened. What do you think has changed in the dynamics about the way in which we interact now that has made it maybe a little bit easier to talk about what we want sexually.

Well, I do think communications make it much easier to normal what is normal meaning, you know, as you get used to listening to people chat about certain topics, they become less taboo.

It's not as scary anymore.

You've heard it a few times, it doesn't seem as ooh shocking, So you start normalizing something that is actually quite normal, which is our human sexual experience.

So I do think.

Social media, communications, just media in general, the fact that in Australia it's something that's not I don't think entirely normalized in media. I don't see it like I see it in other countries. In terms of, for instance, my profession as a sexologist. I've been working for twenty five years in South America in many countries very openly as a clinical sexologist in traditional media, and you don't necessarily

There must be something about Meredith First Sight though, that because it's so so successful in Australia, that it has penetrated in a way that it's opening a conversation that we hadn't seen before. Because you know, there's a lot of reality shows across Australia, and very successful ones, but nothing now beats Meredith First Sight when it comes to the ratings, and I think that Australia is mildly obsessed with this show. What do you think it is about

It's like we're all the little mosquito on the wall that gets to see what's actually happening behind the closed door because there are no other TV shows, or there are no other places where you can see, you know, human interaction when people are trying to build a romantic connection.

What does that look like how do people act, how do their insecurities flourish?

And their behaviors you're able to actually see things play out, and it's much easier to identify behaviors when you're able to see it play out other than simply being described. So you start seeing behaviors that are either great and making things function correctly, or perhaps not so.

Great, and then you can be like, oh, well.

Maybe this is something I should refrain from because I see all these consequences. So I think there's something to it that's a little bit of a mirror, not only to the participants' behaviors, but to all of our behaviors and relationships. You start comparing yourself, do I do better? Am I worse at this? Do I really struggle in this topic? Can I relate to that? So I think there's all of that that goes into it as well, and it's the one place we've all seen and can go like, oh did you see this?

What do you think? And those conversations open up.

I think it's fascinating for myself because I think we get lazy in the dynamics of what we want out of our relationship, and we can out even if you're I'm not saying that I'm a bad person, or I'm not saying a good person or a bad person does this. But if you get lazy in a relationship, you toxic behavior can surface because you start trying to with unknowingly sort of manipulate your partner in a weird way.

And then when you watch Meret.

At first sight, you think to yourself, oh, I've learned terms like gas lighting and love bombing and ghosting and all these sorts of terminology, and you start to see some of it in yourself and you go, I think that's disgusting it, and do I do that? And the self reflection is also important.

The self reflection, I think is incredibly important.

And I think the conversations that can be generated around that a couple watching together, for instance, Yes, of course you might be really enthralled by the drama, like who is it is? It is? It is an entertainment show and it is reality. So one must not lose sight of the context from which we're speaking. But within that the interactions are the real interactions of those participants at

I've met a lot of ex merit at first site people along the way, and I think what's really interesting in about there's a common thread that I've noticed when I've met them, and it's a little bit of a psychologist now in all of them. They're a little bit more heightened with them when it comes to relationship, when it comes to communication actually, and I've noticed that thread over time. You know, we're now sitting with so many seasons under our belt, and so many of these people

Well, I think certainly, I hope that we're able to help guide when we see behavior that is not healthy or is not serving the participants to their end goal that they have voice to us that they're.

Wanting to achieve.

Of course, I hope that they're able to take that information and that guidance and run with it and make the adjustments they need to if they need to. So we always hope for that, But it really is their journey, and it really is about themselves putting their experience out there, and it takes such bravery.

I don't think hits for anyone.

I really admire our participants just simply in the sheer bravery it takes to allow yourself to put up that mirror and look at yourself, not simply in the privacy of your home and understanding and having self awareness, but in front of the world. So that requires quite the amount of confidence and bravery, I believe. But I do think it is that they are actually being able to see their behavior the things that you don't notice about yourself.

Don't always know.

And I always think of in terms of this, and even for us as experts, if you're in a relationship in real life going to see an expert, a therapist or whatnot, that person never sees your actual interaction in a fight through a discussion with your partner, unless you have a blowout in the session. But for the most part, if you're coming in with a crisis, you will be telling a story of what happened. It's very different to what we get to see here Here.

It's not simply.

One imagining how one person gave a look or a glare, or the tone or the words or everything that you can take in with nonverbals that you see when you're actually watching the image with the audio and watching it.

Play out, and that's what happens in maths.

So it's much more vivid and it's much more a picture of what actually happens, and that can be quite confronting when you've never seen yourself under those stressful situations reacting.

You think about the way in which we are in our own relationships as well, and I think that most couples will relate to what I'm about to say. But in a fight in conflict, you will say, but you said this, and then the fight becomes about who said.

Was yes, And it always turns up as being the inflection.

To me, it's always hang on a sec you might have said that, but the tone is what the tone will way, you know what I.

Mean, on the underlying that I gathered from that little inflection in your ConA voice.

Yes, I've gone down a rabbit hole over that tone that you had. And so when I ask you why did you say this and you repeat it back to me in a different tone, you kind of feel gaslighted. And I think that there's a part of all of us that would love to have cameras and have the ability to play the replay fights.

Yes, yes, Reefly and the replay would be amazing or maybe not, but it is part of it is part of this experience here, So it does make it very distinct, and I think, yeah, you don't have other experiences in television or really in life. For you, you're able to be the little mosquito on the wall and begin to what other people are doing and how they're doing it.

So, yeah, what about yourself?

Though?

You must grow every season, you must find new ways to approach these couples. Was there anything in particular that you learned from last year that's helped you that's changed the way in which you've turned up for twenty twenty five.

Yeah, really, it hasn't. I wouldn't say from last year to this year.

I think when I first joined the experiment in twenty twenty for the season that aired in twenty twenty one, I really think it took the entire experience of filming, waiting for production to end, for the show to go on air, and waiting for it to be completely wrapped for me to really understand the dynamic of what maths meant. And I think I've grown and understood it better every year.

I think it's a matter for.

Me personally of trusting at face value. For instance, there's a lot of talk around what is the motivation for our participants to be on the experiment, and I, of course.

I'm not blind. I don't live in a different planet.

I know that many people are going to be enthused with the popularity of the show and the possibilities for careers and whatever social media and exposure can provide. But regardless of that, I am enthused with the person in front of me who's telling me whatever story they're telling me, true or not believe They're not Number one because I think if they actually find someone or meet someone that they really like, they will lean into the possibility of love.

To attempt to really take part in.

The experiment, then that's still going to be helpful even for them and this.

One or future relationships.

So I don't really focus on motivations because I'm not a soothsayer, but I focus at face value on the situation in front of me because I know it represents a situation of so many other people who will be watching.

Do you know what I've always wanted to ask you, And I'm honestly this is so exciting that I even have you to have this conversation, But what do you think as a sexologist is the connection between Maretith First Sight and then Only Fans, because we've now made that such a thing that even in the first episode, one of the bride sister husband in her fowls you know, I promise you I'm here for love. I'm not here for only fans. But there is this connection that's now created, Like,

Well, I don't think the connection is with their sexuality at all.

I think that's just.

A possible part of what goes on and Only Fans and an interesting part for those who want to.

Make bank through Only Fans.

And I think what it is is again, it's a platform and the opportunity and what some people view as a way that they find interesting to put themselves out there or make some money. And I think it's totally valid for whoever wants to do that. There's a reason it exists, and it's a great platform for a lot of people. But I don't think it's something that has anything to do with the sexuality, because not everybody who's

Absolutely you know before you go, I really wanted to ask you as well about the relationship that you have with Melan John. How do you describe the dynamics between the three of you.

I think we have so much fun and so much respect for each other as professionals, and I would say the most important part for me is the respect as professionals.

I know we have each other's backs. I know how when we sit down.

To discuss, you know, situations or crisis or participants or whatever. I can see how their mind is working and it's very much aligned.

And I love that. And they are so fun and so.

Lovely and just such great co workers and friends after all this time, so no, I feel happy and blessed to have them as part of the team.

Do you drink a lot of car fee to stay up?

I'd like a lot of coffee in regular nice yes. And when we're filming, are you kidding? And then I get home and especially after like a dinner party, which are they're very intense, Yeah, and we're they're like listening to everything and it's all blaring in our ears and whatnot. I get home and then it's like from the coffee to the wine, because you have to somehow like wind it down.

So you've got to wind it down.

Wind you have to wine it literally wind it down.

With a hot top bath and like, okay, all right, so tomorrow's a new day.

There's gonna be some nice eye out there. Because we're up to season twelve.

You know, people are going to be talking.

About couples getting mismatched, and right from the get go we see some couples that really struggle. What do you have to say about those claims that you know produces a mixing people up just to create drama.

No, that's not my experience. We What I would say is that the.

Production cast very big personalities. So they are very big personalities, all because we're doing a reality.

TV show and to be entertaining.

So of course the people that are picked to be part of the experiment, aside from everything else that they have to go through, there also I'm sure considered for their personalities and how outspoken they can be or whatnot. But aside from that, no, like really the intent is for them to potentially get along, and we base it off of what the participants tell us. And I think I'll tell you this for this season watch out because I think the way that they are presenting.

You see much.

More what is told to us by the participants about themselves, their character, what they want, what they don't want, how they would act or not act does not necessarily align with what they actually do when confronted with circumstance. So yeah, so there's only so much you can do. And again I take it at face value and I work with that, and then it's up to the participants to.

Have that a line or not.

I had a couple from this year, say, the guy messaged me on social media to say I'm doing merit at first sight and I don't know whether I should quit, and I was like, I don't know you as a stranger, and we had this conversation about it, and I said, look, you know what, you've signed.

Up to a reality show.

Last year, Tory and Jack they joined this show and Jack was not initially attracted to Tory, but they persisted through the experience and he gave himself up to it and found love. He is still with Tory, even though Australia had a lot to serve about that relationship last year. But I said to this man, what's the harm in you committing to this don't throw don't cut your nose off to spite your face, even though you might not

Yes, And it's quite difficult because they you know, they go through so many interviews, and yes, you would expect them to be gained for a variety of things, and then sometimes they're not. So I think it's part of what makes the experience interesting. And again, it's one thing how you self describe. It might be quite different to actually observe yourself and then and then describe what you're observing, and maybe they don't always match.

Up exactly right. You know, I have to let you go.

I'm over time, but I just am obsessed with you. The last question that I honestly you have no idea. The last question I ask everyone who's been on the podcast. This is episode five hundred and thirty, so I've been doing this. I've been doing this for a long time. What's something from behind the scenes of this season, something that maybe we won't watch on television, but from your experience of filming, kind of like a behind the scenes secret for season twelve. Oh my gosh, did anything did

Oh, I'm trying to remember from this season if there was like anything that's very cold nights, very late nights that I can't think of anything that's a good secret, how boring.

Well, the latest, of course, is like the sun coming up.

Oh my god.

That happens for reunion quite often.

I don't think I've ever made it back without like at least listening to the birds chirping, get out. Yes, yes, yes, that's that's basically reunion. The finale experience is always a very because it's the entire cast and it's going through everything. It's it's a very long night of filming. So I don't know that that's quite the big secret, but I couldn't think of a good one for you know that.

I think that's hilarious because we'll marry that up with the fact that you know, you've moved from coffee to wine, so we just think of you exactly what do you call the drink, and that it's not even a hair of the dog.

No, no, no, Then when I get home. Then it's a memosa for breakfast. It's a little champagne with my leg something. After the finale.

Says, oh my god, anyway, look after yourself. Just so you know.

I don't know if you remember this from the Channel nine launch, but I reminded you that I met you once at.

A bar and I bought you a shot and.

We were at We couldn't work out which because I said to you was at a gay bar and you were like, I don't remember being at a gay bar, but I think.

Are you kidding not? It must have been the Palm or like eight.

Yes.

We were standing at the bar and my friend next to me, he's quite well known. He's Farmer Dave from Big Brother. He has this long, beautiful hair. Anyway, he said to me, that woman next to you is stunning, and I go, she's.

The lady from the married at first and he was like, oh my god, we need to talk to her, buy her a drink.

So you were there with your friend and I said, you know, can we buy you a shot?

You said, yes, we had a shot.

You mainly talked to my friend, Farmer Dave, who's very engaging.

But it was so amazing to.

Meet you in real life and see how open you are as a person.

I know, we get to see you on television, but you.

Were a We're enigmatic and so gorgeous and so kind and so generous with your time, and I just think, yeah, I think that you're an amazing person.

Oh my god, you're the best. You just made my day. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for saying that. That's lovely.

It was fun anyway, Alex is going to kill me from you. I'm gotta let you go. That's the best day.

Big hugs, see you, bye bye bye.