Clean your room. That's your biggest thing, right? Clean your room. There's only one true God. I think he wants to get killed. By the way, you have a dead face and you have a very British face. You literally look like... Like I'm Russian. Something's wrong. Also, look at my cute face. I'm going to laugh when I do this. I want a black coaster. I can see why you can't get one, mate.
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It's clever, it's sharp, and it helps you understand the world we're living in. Check out Planet Money from NPR, available wherever you get your podcasts. Ari Matty, welcome to the show. Welcome. So tell me, how does... I'm the dumbest guy you've ever had on this podcast. 100%. I listened to... Before I came here, I put on a random episode, random moment, and then I heard, like, all kinds of words.
We do use words here, Aaron. Oh, you said like the ramifications of that. I was like, ramifications? I put it off. I was like, what the fuck? I don't know shit. But anyway, it's a delight for you. I love the way you're still trying. It's a delight. We're not going to have the normal conversation, I think. I think this has been established. Ari, you're an Estonian comedian in America. Yes.
how did that happen um well i know you guys are british so you guys like do you guys defend like british stand-up Defend? No. Are you the big British versus American stand-up guys? We prefer American stand-up. However, so I don't know if you know this, the first time we went on Rogan, Joe...
gently inquired as to what we think about American stand-up versus British stand-up. And Francis went, British comedians all shit. And I was like, there are some good ones. Anyway, after that, we both got shit for his...
stupid comment. Yeah, 100%. Were you about to slag off British comedians? No, it's like, well, like in Estonia, well... fucking stand-up comedy i mean started literally with me and three other guys such a new art form but is this is this a correct assumption like british stand-up Did you guys get the art form from like sketch and theatre culture? It's kind of more complicated than that. So British stand-up comes from a multitude of...
Different places. Ramifications. Ramifications. No, it comes from different places. So number one, there's the American. So you get the Lenny Bruce, then the Richard Pryor and all of that stream. But also our stand-up comes from Music Hall.
which is variety. So people would go in Victorian times and watch a juggler. They'd watch a mime artist. They'd watch a comedian who would do singing and dancing, which is actually where Charlie Chaplin came from. Charlie Chaplin came... from that musical so it's a combination of all of them soviets have like estrade you know the strad is same thing it's like a whole program
and they would have comedians in between musical performances and shit. But I just found, like you said, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, all those guys, just that... Like self-reflective, storytelling, personality-based, not all witty and quippy. Dude, sometimes I go to London and do gigs and they're like, we don't have room for you. I'm like, can I? Can I replace one of the 13 guys doing witty observations? You know, I would watch a lineup and I'd be like, oh, oh, oh. You know, I'm like...
Well, the biggest difference, I think, between American stand-up and British stand-up is American stand-up is high status and British stand-up is low status. Low status is someone who makes fun of themselves.
High status as someone who's cool and makes fun of the world. Well, I don't know about that because British is... A lot of British performers... kind of their angle is like I'm telling you how it is whereas American don't you find it's more of like we're all in this that's why the stay that's why the ceilings are always low in American clubs the stage is low like I'm amongst you
Fuck the government and fuck the others, don't you find that? Yeah, fuck the government is universal. Universal, that is true. You go to Mongolia.
and uh comedians riffing about the government there's a lot of that'd be funny as a comedian like you're all trash the government brilliant so what was it like doing comedy in estonia well it's like um I would say, well, the reason I, like you asked previously, was the reason I wanted to come to America was just because, like, I was, I would say career-wise.
I was doing great. I love Estonia. I love my country and I love the language. That's where I grew up. So I relate to my own people the most, of course, you know, I'm sure it's with you guys as well. If you do stand up back home, there's a different. Level you can make reference. Oh look and Benny Hill, you know you can Benny Hill, right? yes yeah uh you can do like that right so you can relate obviously but um back home i would say what we ran into is like we're just six or seven guys
You would do a new tour every year because the audience is really small. It's kind of like an Edinburgh Fringe format where you kind of have to build a new hour. I would say in terms of my originality, I would kind of struck, you know, when you start to become like a caricature of yourself, because there's not really like... Because we're the first guys, we're the first ones at the well. So all the bits and all the things would be like very...
In America, there's just so many different voices and it's such a deep history of stand-up. Even the audience now, I would say, is in Meta. Don't you find that? They already know that it's fake. They already know that it's... You're not riffing, even though you kind of try to make it seem as if you are, you know? So I just creatively kind of felt stumped maybe a little bit. And did you come straight to Austin or...?
Did you go to New York first? I've been to New York. I've been to Seattle. I did a comedy competition. I lived a year in Vancouver, Canada. Amazing comedy scene there. That was awesome. I lived a year in Melbourne, Australia. Everyone at work could get a visa, basically. Literally, yeah. And Brexit kind of fucked me. Why did it fuck you? Because of visas, you know. So they didn't let you into Britain?
I mean, of course, no, you can still go. I mean, the whole border process you guys have is a nightmare. I mean, it all... Just come illegally. Yeah, they don't give a fuck. But still, like, working... like getting a contract from a club with the European Union it was all easy you know yeah when do you guys go on holiday you know you have to be in a separate line now I love seeing that dude because you guys used to ruin our line dude
What do you mean we used to ruin our lives? When we would go to, like, Spain, or go to, like, fucking Denerife, you know? The line was, like, fucking 80 fucking guys from Sussex. and you're all going to party and now it's like three guys me and a slovakian guy and then you guys are in the other the other yeah yeah
It's true. It's true. And every time you go on Facebook, there's always somebody who takes a photo and it was like, if it wasn't for the European, we were in the European Union, people voted to leave. And now I have this queue. Yeah. Yeah. So you've dotted around. And then what made you come to America? What made you pursue the American dream, Ari? Well, creatively. It's just the level is super high in America. I would say the type of comedy that I like. Super diverse, you know.
And there is, like, yeah, just a level creatively, I just feel. The level of everything is higher here, don't you, Tony? Mm-hmm. Although, you know, there's some things that I'm not a fan of, you know. Like what? Well, it really drives here.
Are you guys living in London? Yes. Don't you guys love a nice walk before a gig? Yeah. There's no walking here, you know? Nothing more disrespected than a pedestrian in America. No, literally, you'll be on a sidewalk and it just ends. And then you're just... And cars will... honk and try to hit you like yeah it's great sometimes i'll walk just go for a walk late at night after a gig and cops will slow down and look at me like what am i up to try to have a walk
you know but so that's what i kind of miss and i love yeah you guys have subways there yeah yeah i love that it's just a subway a walk Going to the corner, I do love that. And history, of course, London is huge history. In Austin, you walk around, they're like, this is our oldest, 1961. 1961? We have minus years in Estonia, you know? Yeah.
That's very much a Texas thing, I think. In New York, it's a great walking city. If you don't get attacked by the homeless people or drug addicts or whatever, it's a great place to walk around. I'm trying to think of the other things. Yeah. But in Austin, it feels like everyone used to get around on horseback and they just updated it to cars. Yeah, you've got to have a driver's license. Why not? I kind of missed it.
What do you mean you missed it? I don't know. I feel like you're way too ADHD to drive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do not trust... But I did drive when I was a kid, just illegally. Yeah. I feel like I am actually happy. I would not trust you with a truck. You know what I mean? Oh, a big truck, yeah. I'll kill somebody. Yeah. You actually sound enthused by that, Ari.
Stop using long words. He told you he's dumb. It sounds like you'd enjoy that. Yeah. Killing somebody? Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. So you dotted around. You then... because you didn't you came to america but you came to new york first didn't you yeah i was new york uh because of the scene and the city of course but then i lost so much money per month that new york expensive bro but it did it's insane
that no matter how much money I've made throughout my career, as soon as I land in New York, I am poor. Like, it's insane. You take the cab ride from JFK to downtown, it's like 160. I've never even seen that number. yeah it's crazy it's so expensive it's yeah i don't even know what people are doing there a studio i had a studio apartment airbnb it was like 4 400 you don't have a washing machine
You don't have a second floor. You're just under people. And it was like in a basement with a whole family on top of you. Like, everybody's like, New York's amazing. Is it? It's amazing if you're super rich. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's five bedrooms in this house. Yeah.
But we don't own it, Ari. Yeah, well, there's lav mics, so you're not that rich, I guess. Yeah, Ari, he was shocked by these lavalier mics. He's used to the big podcasting because everyone copies Joe Rogan. Yeah. If you're going to do a podcast... a massive microphone. Yeah, I feel so bare. I feel like we're naked, no? I don't like the facial expression with which you said the word naked. Yeah. It bothers me. You've got the look of a man who loves a sauna, Ari.
Every day. I sauna every day naked. Every day. And I love it. I need it. I want it. You guys done sauna? Yeah, do sauna. But not naked. No. I'd love to see someone walk into a British sauna naked. That would be... That would be a great scene. Yeah, that's me. You know, yeah, there's actually a sauna. We've actually got a sauna in this house. That's how... where we're living already really yeah yeah it's in his shower but it's still a sauna oh really yeah so like a tiny one yeah yeah
Is the... yeah, the... I resent the word tiny, but yes, it's a... It is tiny, especially if it's cold. Yeah. And all four of you just go in there and just fucking... Yeah, that's where we have our meetings. I love it. Yeah. see russian people don't like gay stuff no no you see how he started did you notice that this guy's having a great time this guy what about estonians do estonians like gay stuff yeah you love it yeah i need it
It's funny. You know who don't like gay stuff? Russians and black people. Really? You ever grab a, like, a black guy's, like, ass cheek? I've never done that. A little cupcake? No. Give it a little smooch? No. And what happens if you do that? They just get angry, and I love that.
Harry, you're gonna get shot one day, you know that. Probably, yeah. Yeah. They'll squeeze that little butt. But they have their butt out. You do know you're in Texas, Harry. I know, it's crazy. There are guns here, my friend. You can't just go around grabbing black people's arses. I know, that's another thing. It's a controversial statement. Yeah, it is. Yeah. When I said that, I just went, we've had Jordan Peterson on the show. Yeah. No, but before we started... That's Jordan Peterson, right?
Clean it You I will be honest with you, that is not the best impression of Jordan Kingston I've ever heard, but it is the funniest. It is my favourite impression. Not the best, but the funniest. He's been to Estonia. And I met him too. Has he? You met him? I met his daughter too. The Latinx don't pick it up, don't worry. No. Okay. I was on tour with Jordan last year. Really? Yeah.
Oh, like open or whatever? Yeah, I was open for him. Did you do like jokes? I did, yeah. So you like buried him? Because he doesn't do jokes, right? I buried him. What do you mean, I buried him? Ah. Hasn't been in America long enough. It's like when you do so good that someone can't follow you. It's like a stand-up term. Oh, I see, I see. I see what you mean. It's comedian. No, I didn't. He's actually very funny.
He doesn't realize he's funny. He was crushing. What he does is, the biggest frustration I have with Jordan is he talks over his own punchlines. So he will say something really funny and people will start laughing and he goes, no, no, I'm being deadly serious. And then Jordan just let them laugh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you met him? Yeah. So you're a fan? Super nice. Yeah. He did Kill Tony. He was super funny. And he has those awesome suits. His suit guy actually contacted me. I think he's like an Estonian guy. I think so. You know, the awesome suits that he has. He looks like a fucking... Yeah, Dimitri. We've had him on the show. Lex Friedman, Jordan Peterson. This is made by him. Oh, see, that's the guy. That's in Estonia, by the way. That fashion person. Look good, feel good.
Yeah, wow. He made a bunch of stuff for me. Beautiful. So you should meet Dimitri. Jordan Peterson, Elon Musk, Lex Friedman, they all have this villain vibe, don't they? They're going to do something. I don't know, like, Jordan? Lex? Lex doesn't have a villain vibe, does he? Lex is just autistic, isn't he? Yeah. I guess so. I hope that's official because he just looks autistic and sounds autistic and acts autistic. Yeah.
And is autistic. Yeah. So is Elon. So you just don't like autistic people? No, they're villains. They're up to something. They're up to something. Yeah, what do you think they're up to? I don't know. How did Lex Friedman get rich? I assumed it was his podcast, those big numbers. Yeah. I read something, I read it. Tell me more. The Russian government. The Russian government. Do you trust him? Do I trust who? Me.
Russian government, no. Do I trust the Russian government? No, I don't trust the Russian government. Do you know, it has become absolutely fine to say shit like that about Russians. It is. Thank God. I've been waiting here. No, we call them, you know, we call you guys onions in Estonia. Onions? Onions. Why is that? And it was like the N-word. Because we make you cry? No, because you guys moved to our country and then you would sell onions. Oh.
I've never sold onions in Estonia. You're happy. How do people in Estonia feel about what's going on? What do you think? Excited? Beautiful. Looking forward to joining the Commonwealth? No, we hear it, of course. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it, to see the way Americans talk about beauty. Yeah, it's very surprising, yeah, like that you guys are, well, you guys, right? No, those guys, no. But that's in Texas, yeah, people in Austin.
Yeah, I haven't been around. New York, maybe it's more Ukrainian, yeah, because I see the flags when you walk around. But it is interesting, yeah. No, but in Austin, it's weird because a lot of people here just openly pro-Putin. Yeah, and they're like... Well, what did Ukraine do? And I'm like, just be a sovereign country. Yeah, it's crazy that they sighed.
with somebody who's invading another country. And I know there's a bigger picture, politics, NATO, I know there's all this, but overall, Russia has a pretty bad rap, I would say. You think we're next? Do you think, well... Do you think you're next? I hope not. Although, I don't know a lot about visas, but if Estonia gets invaded and I'm here, refugee visa?
It's good you're thinking of the bigger picture, aren't I? Yeah. It's good. I think so, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, you don't need a refugee visa. You're crushing it. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Or they call me back to war. I wouldn't want you in my army. No, mate. Oh, fuck no, dude. I'm going to shoot you. Yourself. Yeah, exactly. But you're going to do it by accident, which is the worst thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll transition if war happens. Will you? Yeah.
Just wear a skirt, hang out with the girls, wait for the men to get back on. I'll have a tissue, I'll wave at you like this. Okay, boys. I mean, that's not... Do you know what? You're not going to be the only one that does that. Oh, yeah. Does everyone transition? Yeah. Everyone transitions. Everyone's going to do that. Yeah. When we first dipped our toes into the world of trigonometry merch, we thought, how hard can shipping be? Turns out, very.
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Because when it comes to your business, it's not just about keeping the lights on. It's about keeping everything secure. So you've been here a while and you went to New York, you had a couple of sins in New York, and then you did Kill Tony. And that's when everything went... Yeah, it was pretty quick. I mean, Kill Tony is such a big... Even when I did it a year ago, and even now, it's like such... It just keeps getting bigger and bigger, so...
yeah it's good to be a part of that i mean it's hard writing a new minute every week of course there's some challenges to it but it's awesome to be a part of i kind of like had to kind of got a shortcut you know although i mean i've been doing it for 13 years as an open micro grinding so i guess it's not you know i paid my dues but it is uh it is a good way to get into the american stand-up it's like super easy it's like the johnny carson tonight show something like that you know
Yeah, but you've still got to make the impact. There's loads of people. There's people who go on Kill Tony and are actually very good and do a great one-minute set. But for whatever reason, it doesn't pop like the way you popped. Yeah, it's that interesting thing with stand-up. You can't quite explain it on paper. Because, yeah, sometimes...
How many times will you see a guy who crushes it on stage altogether? You see him fucking crush a 15-minute set, but then doesn't quite move into that premier ticket selling thing. It's just... It's just, I think it's like there's so many stand-up comedians who are amazing right now. You need to have something. Just that weird whatever people connect with, you know, that X factor, whatever the fuck they call it, you know. So it's just, I think being funny, like being funny on stage.
can often be a very formulaic thing that you can kind of figure i think everyone has a five minute set yeah everyone has a fine minute everyone has a enough perspective and things happen to their life that they can make five minutes about their own life funny yeah
But to have that extra, extra, that's like, I think being funny is sometimes easier than being interesting. You know? Like, not often. I mean, but... sometimes you watch a guy and i'm like yeah he's funny but is it like it's like yeah you said like theo von you know it's like it's just a there's only one theo one you know you couldn't put it on paper
But there's a lot of guys who are very formulaic, I guess. Yeah. So Kill Tony really emphasizes that of like, that's why the interview portion is so important too. It's like, what's the thing about you? What's crazy about you? Oh, it's interesting, you know. So what was the first time like when you were on there? Luckily. Luckily.
I did a spot. I got on Kill Tone, not from the bucket even. I just did a spot at the little boy next door. And I went straight on Kill Tone maybe 20 minutes later. And I was auditioning at the mothership. So I already had so big of an adrenaline dump. And... The upside for me, I wasn't, I knew Kilton. If you know, if you're a comedian, you know Kilton. I know the format, I know the interview, I know Tony Hinchcliffe, I know Brian Redman. Of course, I know that, but I didn't quite know.
how big of a thing it is. So I didn't really know to be that nervous I would say. And then I did it a couple of times and it started getting bigger and bigger. So I think that was the upside. I think a lot of people who are in that alley, when they sign up, they put a lot of pressure on themselves. And one minute is hard, you know, it's just like... like my style is you know i'm a very physical comedian i don't really do
To be honest, I don't really have jokes. I just, it's the way I do it. That's funny. So I kind of had to rewrite my style too, which is a fun challenge. Like for the first time, I'm actually writing anecdotal jokes with a setup, left turn, punchline, because... i can't just do it like i can't do this for a minute and it doesn't hit you know yeah so that's the chat that's the fun side i would say
It must have been weird though, Ari, because you were, like you said, you were grinding for 13 years, you go on and kill Tony, and then bam. Yeah. Was it like that? About four or five months period, I would say. That it started going, yeah. But especially in Austin, you know, everybody, the mothership is such a huge cultural place here. And Kiltoni as well. So here it's pretty crazy, yeah. Everybody knows me here. Which is nice, you know.
You feel at home. It is nice. Is it weird, though, on some level when you're so used to grinding that when it finally happens, you go, I can't actually believe this is working. Yeah, I mean, it is. Yeah, yeah.
and sometimes you kind of forget like um yeah you kind of forget that you have maybe not a responsibility but something you know people people will listen to you in a different way or treat you differently kind of you know whereas when you're killing in the oblivion it's kind of it's a safety zone it's a safety zone but i try not to lose that like i still
I still do love that feeling of like, but then you go to New York, like when you do gigs in New York, see, that's different because it's such a melting pot. There's no way that you're going to have mostly killed Tony fans in a room. When I'm in New York, it's about of eight. if i drop into a club it's 80 80 people let's say 80 people three of them will know who i am
The rest of them are fucking from Norway or some shit, you know. And it's, so you kind of feel, it kind of reality checks you, you know. I go on, I do this shit and it's not hitting like, oh, I forgot what it feels like to introduce yourself to a crowd a little bit. You guys tour as well, right? With stand-up and shit? Francis does. I do. Yeah, yeah. So it's kind of the same thing, you know, when you do your own fans. Yeah. Oh, it's totally different. Yeah, yeah. You kind of feel that comfort.
But having that comfort is important too, I think. I think being always desperate to prove yourself can kind of limit yourself creatively because you'll always feel... Like, yeah, you have to prove yourself, so you have to get to that laugh. Whereas sometimes bits that are bigger in picture and... and maybe a bit more unique to yourself come when you're in the comfort of being yourself. So there's a balance. You have to feel comfortable still, I think, to some extent. Yeah, and it's also...
I love New York for stand-up because it is the most cutthroat place in the world. Cutthroat. And there's so many different audiences. You literally do a room with the same bits and then go fucking from Brooklyn to Manhattan and it's a whole different ballgame. Different types of people, different types of economic levels, different class, different races, different backgrounds. Yeah, it's very hard. It's why with Austin, and I love Austin, but it's kind of the same room time after time.
Well, of course, with variations, but a lot of the time... For sure. Like, if you open up with faggot, stand and go. That is so true. If you go, what's up, faggots? Hell yeah! And then retard? Oh, you have to. I think it's in the contract. At the mothership, you have to have two retards and a faggot in your set. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to bring the end world back, too. How's that going?
Do you do that before or after you grab the arse? I do say that on stage sometimes, but in Estonia only. In Estonia only? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Estanians don't have a problem with it. Yeah, because we don't have them, so. Can't be racist if it doesn't. That's... Can't be racist over in the ocean, yeah. If I yell the N word over.
I guess, logically, it makes sense. Yeah. And there's no, like, hatred involved in... Yeah, Estonia is also very, very, like, we've never had any sort of cancer. Like, our culture is not even... I mean... You know, we got liberated from... I broke it. I broke it. I'm sorry. We got... We got liberated from...
My boys. Yeah. The boys! And then what happened? And after that, you don't have cancel culture. Is that what you... In 1992, so everything's so fresh. We're not there yet where we're cancelling or... Thinking about trans people or... Really? You don't have trans flags everywhere? No, we're not there yet. We're literally hitting women still.
We're working on it. You're trying to get to that point. Yeah, we have three trans people. Right now you're hitting women, and then you're trying to get to the point where you're hitting trans people. Trans women. Yeah, we're not even worried about them yet. You know, the regular women are getting hit right now. So So it's a journey
But there's no hatred involved in racism or nothing in Estonia. So that's why Estonia is always like, why can't I say the end words? It's funny. If you're a black guy, you go to Estonia within... Three days, you'll end up with a discussion in a sauna with a guy, with an old Estonian guy trying to tell you why he can't call you the N-word to your face. It doesn't sound that appealing if I were a black guy.
I end up with... But there's no hatred. He's literally... It's not hatred. You're naked. He's asking you why he kind of said that word and pinching your ass. Yeah, it's... Well, it's just a difference of culture, isn't it? If you're not aware of something, that's it. It's kind of...
Because people see Estonians as white, they go, oh, you're influenced by Western Europe, when the reality is you're more influenced by the East than you are the West. Eastern Europe, Russia, etc. So you have different... You just see the world in a different way. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I would say my generation. Yeah, because when the...
Thank you for not breaking our lights that second time. When the Soviet Union collapsed. When it collapsed, you know, there's a huge generational difference too. It's like, like you said, that the generation... before me super influenced by the East, by the Russian media, Martian cartoons.
and then all of a sudden when it all came down i'm fully like my generation is south park chapelle show all that so there's a huge contrast you know like my generation obviously knows cultural impacts of trans people word lgbt movements all that because we're so western but then there's the previous generation that has no no idea of that at all so it is an interesting see that's why
estonian stand-up is also thriving i think because there's all this maybe generational difference and tension that is funny you know to highlight yeah and to have a perspective on that's why i think the art form really um really thrives in Eastern Europe right now. Just because there is that tension.
that is uh that needs release you know so with you being aware of american culture what have been the biggest surprises to you or what what's so different about being here as opposed to where you come from well i kind of i mean i kind of knew how to expect the I knew what to expect from just growing up around the multimedia of America. Yeah, I would say the pedestrian thing, right? Oh, and politics too. It is crazy how political, like an average American...
guy is, you know. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's my European-ness or something, but it's not like... Of course we care about the war and all that. That's a huge thing in our media right now. But I would say in our personal life... Like, we don't really... Like, you know they put a sign out, like, who you're voting for? Yeah. That's a lot, isn't it? Yeah. No, I agree. That's a lot, huh? Yeah. Like, it's your poem. Why would you create this...
Like a fucking statement. Like, how does that affect your life that much? You know what I'm saying? Like your personal life. You know, so they are very political. And I've been in green rooms where things get a bit... you know you're like jesus things get heated yeah things get heated yeah because people are arguing about politics yeah people get super into it i don't know are you are british people like that i don't know
We're becoming like that. Yeah, but we still don't put the signs in our front garden. What's the thing in Britain right now? I mean, Brexit is over. You guys already fucked that up. Yeah. What's now? What's that? Oh, it's immigration. yeah yeah that's big yeah we don't want any more of you no i don't think i'm the problem I think there is a different thing. I don't think this guy's the problem either. He's pointing at a blonde employee. Yeah.
Yeah, immigration also, we're locking up people for should they say online. Yeah, oh yeah, that's another thing. That's like the Commonwealth thing. It's like Canada, the UK and Australia. Yeah, we love that shit. We love it, man. We love it. If you say... Hey, what's up with that? It's a good question. So do we. No.
It's because we've gone more and more down this, like, we want to be looked after by the government. Protected. We want safety. Well, we don't, but most people do. And if you want safety... you're going to want safety from everything which includes words and jokes and whatever else but actually it's kind of weak for sure yeah so what's that what's the common consensus
There is no common consensus. Ah, that's that. Like here, I mean, like you go around, one house is Trump signed, another house is Harris signed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very split, very split down the middle, very divided. Yeah, very divided. Do you find that here as well? It's very divided? Yeah, it depends on who I'm talking to, I would say, but...
What do you guys think? It's like, you know, they always say that division is what the lizards are trying to make it happen. Do you think that's true that someone's trying... to make us divided or it's just a natural thing that's happening. Lizards. The lizards. He's talking about the Illuminati, the people who are in charge. Do you think it's something like that? Why are you even doing the lizard posts? Because a lot of...
Because a lot of Americans do think they're like... But Americans, have you noticed this? Americans fucking love conspiracy theories. Great point. That's also crazy how, like, I'll riff with somebody thinking it's all funny goo goo. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, look at the cloud in 9-11. There's a face. And you're like, oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. Americans love... I have a theory about this. So America, if you think about America, first of all, all the people who came here were kind of...
you know, out there. They were not in the middle of the concert. They were pretty out. By the way, you have a dead face and you have a very British face. I have a Russian face. Yeah, very Russian. It's crazy. You literally look like... Like I'm Russian. Something's wrong. He's like a Benny Hill. We're all having a good time. And you're just telling me. Okay, keep going. Sorry. With your dead face. You interrupted my great theory. No, you have a great theory. No, look. Seriously. Americans...
First of all, all the people who came here were a little bit crazy. And in a good way and in a bad way. The good way in which they were crazy is they were like, anything's possible. We go to this new place. We start our own thing. Blah, blah, blah. So if you think anything's possible, then you think anything's possible. Huh. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.
But you have noticed this as well. Americans fucking love conspiracies. Love conspiracy theories. And they really like, they don't just, they're not like, hey, that would be interesting if that happened. They're like, this happened. And it happened and like...
Then my favorite is when two conspiracy theorists meet. They never agree. Conspiracy theorists never agree. They always... Like one guy's like, oh, like Putin... affected the u.s uh election ukraine is in real and then the other guy's like well ukraine has never been real anyway you know it's that like there's a lot of yeah theories and everything has a
Like a crazy theory. Yes. Yeah, nothing rational. It has to be either lizards, aliens, or nothing else. No, no, you've missed out the third one. Black people? No. The Jews. Oh, they love the fucking Jews. How do British people feel about the Jews? I've never thought about the Jews till I came here. I literally never even... We don't have Jews.
Yeah, the Germans took care of that. Yeah, there's 70 of them. By the way, we took care of them before they got there. That's true. You were kind of... We didn't want to start off on the wrong foot. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the Baltic people, they were kind of, you know... A lot of people go like, oh yeah, you were pro-Nazi. We don't really have a choice. You have a tank. Yeah. It's not a very good excuse. It is. You have a tank. I'll do what I need.
You have a tank. Yeah, but you just said yourself, you handled it before. Yeah, because you were coming. What do you mean you? I'm not fucking German. So you were like, the Germans are coming. Yeah. Let's take care of the Jews. Yeah. Nothing really changed when the Germans came. I mean... I mean, it did for the Jews, sorry. Fashion got better. Then they hated books. We didn't know how to read, so...
Does he know he's on the internet? I don't think he gives a fuck, mate. Also, look at my cute face. Everyone's going to laugh when I do this. One of the things we've always admired about you, the trigonometry audience, is your intellectual curiosity. You don't just want opinions that confirm what you already think.
You want to understand the why behind events, policies, and decisions from all angles. That's why we're recommending the NPR Politics Podcast. They break down the big stories from Washington. Policy shifts, executive orders, immigration trade, and they do it in sharp, digestible episodes, usually 15 minutes or less. The hosts are smart, calm, and focused on clarity, just like me.
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Because when it comes to your business, it's not just about keeping the lights on. It's about keeping everything secure. How do we get here? Oh, Jews, we're talking about lizards. You were asking whether we think that the pedo lizards are dividing. Like the division, yeah. Do you think it's like a... It's just human nature, man. Yeah, right? Humans are tribal. Red team, blue team, you know, fascist, communist. See, that's why it's the, you know...
I am, of course, super, I would say, emotionally kind of, not super, but kind of involved in the Russia-Ukraine conflict. But it is kind of... a bummer that meanwhile this conflict's happening you know there's like news all the time like syria another hundred thousand just like you know there's always like that but It's only because we're tribal. And if you look at Russian-Ukrainian news, you know, the houses that they're blowing up.
You look at the kitchen, the fucking, the furniture they have. It's so similar. It's literally the same thing that I grew up with. So there's that empathy because it's like, oh, it's like I'm being attacked. You watch me put us from Syria. It's like a hut near a desert. Oh, fuck. You know, so it is that sadness. Yeah, we are very tribal, huh? It's kind of a bummer. Because isn't there, like, genocide happening in Congo, Somalia and Syria and whatever?
But we're just white people being like, you're not on Facebook. But if you're on TikTok, that is the craziest thing that Russia and Ukraine, I think it's the first conflict that I've seen on TikTok. Yeah. There's like soldiers like, like and subscribe. Literally, there's like, you can subscribe to Ukrainian soldiers where just I can. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow you.
You follow a few Ukrainians. There's like footage in the trenches. They put those cameras. Have you seen those trenches? Yeah. And it's some old Russian bastard. You know who they're sending to the front line. It ain't the fucking... Yeah. Have you seen those people? It's all like old guys with a fucking... Got an old action rifle from the museum and he's in a trench. Vladimir Putin. He just gets shot by this Ukrainian guy with an M4 and he's like, like and subscribe. It's crazy, huh?
I mean, it is. And I think the other thing as well, a lot of people have talked about this, is algorithms, you know? We all get stuff fed to us. You're going to get fed pro-Ukraine stuff because... That's the stuff that you engage with. You know, whereas some people like in Austin, they get fed pro-Russia stuff. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that every opinion you have right now, you can get...
100% validation as soon as you want it. Exactly. Everything you think is 100% correct. Yes. And there's facts and articles and anything you want. Anything you want. Yeah. I have a lizard's penis. Internet will be like, you've always had a lizard's penis, you fuck. And you're like, okay. Back to the lizard story. Yeah. You like lizards. I don't know about that. Do you think they're in charge? Have you spent enough time in Austin now that you...
Do you believe in conspiracy? No. I don't get it at all. Me neither. Like, at all. I mean, but there are conspiracies that are true, of course, like, governmentally, you know. Do you guys know, like, what Molotov Rip and Drop was? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Remember that? That was like a proven conspiracy. That's like a...
70 year conspiracy that's proven later came out. That's like an interesting one. But yeah, if you're like high world society or whatever the fuck. Why do you think it's weird? Because that's interesting. Why do you think it's strange that they believe in this? Like Americans? Yeah, Americans, yeah. Americans, yeah. Why? A cup of tea. I love British accents. What do you mean? Why do you think they believe in it? Maybe it's like the...
Well, life has been pretty comfortable here, especially in America. So I think you start wondering bigger picture things when you have time to wonder bigger picture things, you know, like what's the end. I think Americans also have maybe an egotistical approach to, like, I kind of know what's up. Yeah. Like, I kind of, I got it all figured out, you know. Which is hilarious. That's what makes them so fucking funny.
You ever watch Kurt Metzger? Oh, yeah. My favorite guy to talk to. Yeah. I ask Kurt. I don't use Google. I use Kurt. I mean... You can ask Kurt anything and you'll have a fully, 100% convinced answer from him. I love Kurt. I love Kurt. One of the funniest guys ever. I think he's a brilliant comedian bordering on genius. Yeah. I don't always think Kurt's opinions are correct though, Ari. Yeah, but that's funny.
Isn't that funny? Like, I love watching him on stage just being like, oh, you don't know that? You know, and you're like, only America can create that sort of thing, I think. I think that's fucking hilarious. Like, I love her. I love everyone who is really convinced in something that they believe in. I want that. You want that? Yeah, give it to me. Why are you not like that? Because I don't know shit, dude.
I don't know shit, but if I meet you in a cafe, or like if I'm in a cafe, I'm riding by myself, and then over here you saying openly that you're a Nazi, I want you on my stage as soon as possible. Because I want to hear more. You know? It's interesting. Don't you think? Why are you pointing at me? Mr. Deadface Russian. It's so different. Smiles and giggles. Hello. Hello.
So, we're talking about what you love in comedy. Who are your comedy influences, Ari? Everyone black. Okay. I love black people. You've made that very plain. I love black people. They're so funny, charismatic, and, like, actors. So like who? Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle? Eddie Murphy as a kid. Yeah, Eddie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock. From the white guys? Louis C.K. Bilber. Fucking...
I can't think of anything else right now. Just black guys, really. You threw in those two white guys just to not look racist. Yeah, just not to look racist. There is something to be said, actually. About black guys. Yeah, about black guys. I love black people. I'm just going to slide out. What are you talking about? If anyone's going to get the flack, it's going to be him. Well, yeah. He did several Nazi salutes. What did you just ask? You guys ever fuck a black girl?
I wouldn't put it in quite those coarse terms, Ari, but yes, I have. Like British black? American black. Holy shit. You guys? Me neither. Why do you want a black? I want a black girlfriend. Well, I can see why you can't get one, mate. Why? I don't know. I'd love it, I think. So you can pinch her ass as well? No, they're so bossy. Yeah, bossy. I want like a...
Black girl just treats me like shit. Why? Shut the fuck up with your faggy ass. You know, I want that shit. I want you to call me a faggot while we're having sex. I'm sure there's quite a lot of people who happily do that. You know, you were telling me the other day that you find it difficult to get dates. When we're in agreement...
You told me you were finding it difficult to get dates in Austin. Oh, dates? Yeah, dates. Dags. I was like, am I fucking... What's the one we snatched? Dates. But now that I know, you've just got your thing. I do have my thing. Yeah. Latinos, too. Oh, Texas has amazing Latinos. Francis loves Latinos. Yeah, yeah. His mom is Latina, so... Really? Yes. Are you...
She's like 80 years old, you fucking... I don't even know what the right word is. Mom? Yeah, my mom's about 78, 79. Latino, you're still bad and still hot, still fucking... That's a dog, huh? Kind of like a Latino sweet ass. Yeah, he got a Latina woman in 19, what? That's crazy. Your dad must have been the coolest guy on the block, huh? I think she just wanted a British passport, Ari.
You gotta do what you gotta do. You know? Damn. My daddy was from a place called Wigan. You know Wigan? I don't think you can say that. Change off the letters a little bit, huh? But yeah, so no, no. My dad dated my mom in the 70s. Wow. That must have been great. Where's she from? Venezuela. Oh. Wow. So you're looking for a black or Latina girl to dominate you? Yeah, to treat me like shit.
This is not usually what this podcast is like. No, I bet it's like super political. Yeah, yeah. And super like a lot of science and shit, huh? Not so much science. Don't talk so much about the dinosaurs. I mean, we got probably the world's most famous evolutionary biologists on to talk about dinosaurs a bit. Oh, yeah?
Neil deGrasse Tyson or who is it? I mean, we've had Neil deGrasse Tyson. Really? Yeah, I destroyed him. I'm probably the dumbest guy that's been on it. You are. Undoubtedly. Undoubtedly. Neil deGrasse Tyson had an argument with us about trans women. Oh, is he like... He's like... He doesn't like it. He does like it. He loves it. He loves a bit of trans.
He's fully retarded when it comes to the issue. He's super smart about everything else. Completely retarded about trans. Really? Yeah, there's like a clip on our channel of us arguing with him for like 10 minutes. And you don't like trans? It's not that we don't like trans, but we don't think you can just like...
I'm a woman now. Would you date a trans woman, Ari? Yeah. Fuck, dude. It's pussy. It's pussy. Well, I mean, this is where the argument is. That's what the argument's about. Let's be honest. Hey, when trans... Stop looking at him. When are you... Go on. Go on. No, go on. Don't do that. You consulted everyone else. We were talking with comedians. When you eat trans pussies, it tastes like dick.
I honestly don't have to answer that question, Eric. Have you been to Thailand? British people love Thailand. They do. No, I've never been to Thailand. Me neither. You've been to Thailand several times and? Did you have fun? I had a lot of fun. Okay. They are beautiful. Who? Everybody. See, I think like... Like... American trance, it's a rough transition. Look at Caitlyn General. Millionaire. So much money. So much money and still pretty.
I get it. Yeah. But a Thai guy to a Thai lady, the transition is literally like a... They're so smooth. Have you felt their skin? No. We haven't been there. Tell us about this, Ken Ari. Yeah, I didn't do nothing because I'm a pussy. I'm just too fucking in my old-fashioned Eastern European ways. I don't know. Some of your boys, I've seen the way, yeah. Yeah, I used to have a friend who went there.
And it just started doing cocaine and disappeared into Bangkok for like 72 hours. He came back, he was weird for a year. He saw a lot in those three days. He was weird for like a year and we're like, what's the deal? And then he was like, yeah. And then he had to go to therapy and shit. That kind of means you're gay, huh?
If you have problems with banging a dude. Like if you're later like, oh my god, what happened? Wait, if you bang the dude... And felt nothing, you're straight. If you bang the dude... And felt nothing. He looks like a lady. That's how straight I am. Like, if you put a wig on, I can fuck you and believe the fantasy. I assure you, that is never going to happen. That's how straight I am, T-Rex.
Like me and him could film a sketch where we both have wigs on and we make out and we're like, it's art. Yeah, but you and him probably have sex as well. Yeah, but you commit to the part. Exactly. And how else are you going to get the part unless you have sex with someone? All I was questioning was the idea that if you have sex with a dude and feel nothing. If you go to prison, you're not going to fuck a dude in a week. I will, because I'm that straight.
The logic of that checks out. Exactly. Believe the fantasy. But British dudes, yeah. I remember there was this one... Because I did comedy in Bangkok for like, after my visa ran in Australia, I would live in Bangkok and then tour Southeast Asia. And I met this lady boy who, during the day, shaved head. I mean, the nails, the makeup. and the skin still smooth, but just shaved head, just...
like a guy smoking a cigarette in a corner, and then by night, 10 out of 10. And then she would tell me these crazy stories about, that they would always, she would work at the bar, and then there's like a group of 12 British lads, little boys, you know, with the... Bintang shirt, you know, Bintang, that beer, you know, with the fucking, with the neon colored, you know, the wife beater. Yeah. What do you guys call that? Yeah, it's a wife beater. Yeah. Yeah.
they're they're all laughing i have a great time like oh look at these lady boys and then they leave and there's always one guy who would have like a you know like and then he comes back like 4am alone yeah You'd be that guy. Yeah. Experimental. Yeah. Open-minded. Not like me. Yeah. Russian. Yeah. Oh, this Ukraine belongs to me. It used to be ours. It needs to be ours again. Ari, I dread asking you this question, but we always end the interview with the same question.
What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be? Before Ari answers the final question at the end of the interview, make sure to head over to our sub stack. The link is in the description where you're going to see this lunacy. I love it. Like, fucking hit me. Okay. Yeah. Well, now the internet knows what you're looking for. And it's good. And it will provide. Hit me. Don't worry about it, mommy dance!
What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be? Anything serious. Or not serious. You know, at this point, I have to say, I don't think it will be serious. What should have we discussed? We talked about banging dudes. Yes, we did. Grabbing asses with black people. Yes. We did talk about that. They hate it. It's crazy. What do you guys think? What do you guys think? I told you, I didn't think this was the right question to ask. I think he's got something.
What didn't we talk about? No, no. What's the one thing that we should be talking about? Oh, my God. There you go. There you go. Okay, what do you guys think? Ukraine, Russia. You guys are smart. Whatever you guys think, I'll run with that opinion for the rest of my life. That's what we should be talking about. Which side? Ukraine is in the right.
Yeah, right? Yeah, absolutely. It's a difficult conflict because it's the same alphabet, same language. Like if you were in a dictionary... Alphabet is not exactly the same. Yeah, there's some letters there. Yeah, Ukrainians use a few Western letters, like I. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah, instead of the EU, right? Like, but it is... If you're in a ditch and you're like a Ukrainian soldier and you're trying to throw a grenade one way or the other and you're trying to base it on...
Who's talking? Yeah, it's kind of hard. Yeah. Kind of hard. Yeah. See, I think that's why also that's such a fluid thing of opinions maybe is because it's... To the like American eye, you look at, you know, like if you had a Ukrainian or a Russian guy over, they're both very loud and they're going to smoke inside. You know what I'm saying? They're both going to be pretty loud, you know?
But other conflicts like fucking US, Afghanistan, it's obviously very easy to pick a side because they're so different. There's such a big cultural collision, you know? Which side are you on on that one? Afghanistan and the US? There's only one true God. Yeah, I think he wants to get killed. Well... I mean, have you been to Dubai? No. No. Yeah. Looks pretty good. Yeah. I know they have all that oil, but who put it there? Inshallah.
You think God put the oil there? It was Allah. And that's what God made them rich. Doesn't Alabama have a lot of oil too? Have you been to Alabama? No. Yeah, it looks pretty. Venezuela has five times more oil than Saudi Arabia. Really? Yeah, and they're completely fucked. Oh, but is it so deep? Is that the thing? No. No, it's communism. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Venezuela has a lot of oil. Have you told this to the American government? Oh, they know.
The boys. Yeah, they know. That's why China is in Venezuela as we speak. All of a sudden another tower gets hit by three Venezuelans. All of a sudden. You're never going to get a Venezuelan to believe in that shit. Yeah, they can't be asked to do any work. No, and they like drinking and pussy too much. They're going to be like, what? That's sweet ass. End this now. Sweet ass.
Dude, your dad must have been that guy. Because everyone's having, like, British. Oh, I'm sex. Yeah. Oh, I'm slotted in love, you know. And then your dad's just fucking... Going to Tana, that churro. Churro, aka. Do you know his mum watches the show? Yeah. She would be a big fan. Yeah. I think she'd be very confused by you, Ari. Yeah, I think a lot of people might be very confused by you. Ari.
Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you so much. We're going to go to Substack where our audience get to ask you their questions. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, and it's all about black people, so you'll enjoy it. All right, head on over to Substack. It's going to be... No one knows.
I feel like comedy is dying in Europe because of this need, as she means Western Europe, to keep everyone safe and to be kind. Why do you think Americans are not so keen on the whole be kind and keep everyone safe culture? Let's talk about something that might be keeping you up at night. Cyber security. According to Vanta's latest state of trust report, it's the number one concern for UK businesses. That's where Vanta comes in.
Whether you're a startup growing fast or already established, Vanta can help you get ISO 27001 certified and more without the headaches. Invanta allows your company to centralize security workflows, complete questionnaires up to five times faster, and proactively manage vendor risk to help your team not only get compliant, but stay compliant. Stop stressing over cybersecurity and start focusing on growing your business
For a limited time, our audience gets $1,000 off Vanta at vanta.com slash go. That's V-A-N-T-A dot com slash go for $1,000 off. Because when it comes to your business, it's not just about keeping the lights on. It's about keeping everything secure.