Beliefs, Identity, and Diagnosis

Today, we are going to explore the profound connection between our beliefs, our biology, and our overall well being. And we're going to take a dive into the concept that our beliefs do a lot more than just shape our thoughts. They really filter our reality. They influence our physical health, and they define our identity. So beliefs are not just abstract notions floating around in our mind. They are the lens through which our brain interprets every piece of information that comes in

through our sensory systems. And they dictate how our body responds to the environment, to other people, and even to itself. And this means that the way that you see the world because of your beliefs, directly impacts your physiological responses, your mental health, and ultimately also your physical health. And just like our beliefs shape our diagnosis, quote unquote, our diagnosis can also shape our beliefs feedback loop.

So we'll uncover some of the science behind that interplay. And I think it's going to be a really exciting conversation. Welcome to Trauma Rewired. I'm your co host, Elizabeth Christoph. I'm the founder of Brainbase.com comma, an online community where we work together to rehabilitate the nervous system for trauma resolution, behavior change and performance. And I'm also the founder of neurosomatic intelligence coaching certification. And I'm your co host, Jennifer Wallace.

I'm a neurosematic psychedelic preparation and integration guide. And I'm also one of the educators at the neurosomatic intelligence coaching certification. And today, Piper Rose is back with us. Piper is an NSI practitioner and also the NSI director of operations. They are the founder of Shadow Play Coaching. And when we thought of who we were going to have this conversation with, Piper came up for both of us. So we're really excited to explore

this today with you. Piper, thank you so much for joining us again. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. And this topic is rich. And I know with this whole series we've been generous and explicit about the amount of care we encourage people to take when

exploring topics like this. Because as Elizabeth said, beliefs are not a concept that are isolated and put in a corner of our experience of self, but they are part of how our brain interprets, predicts, and every single day sorts through the information coming in to tell us what's important, what's valuable, and what we should do with it. So thinking about beliefs is really exciting for me as well. And I'm just, yeah, ready to talk and also to

be uncomfortable for myself in this. I don't have an exact clear point of view, even when I sound confident. You know, I think the saying is strong convictions, loosely held, because as someone who leans into science, but also history and myth, like understanding that we are writing this and rewriting it and understanding in new ways every day. So I'm excited to be here, and I'm also excited to

say I know some things. I question everything I know. I don't know what I don't know, and I don't know how this all evolves, but I'm excited to bring light to it. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's really important with this conversation, like all the other conversations we've been having in this big season, to remind people that these aren't definitive answers. This is a compilation of our research of different perspectives, of our own lived experience, and of our experience working with other

clients. Lots of different bodies and nervous systems, but as always, everybody's nervous system is different. Take what resonates for you. You don't have to apply anything to your life that doesn't seem to fit and just explore it as a conversation, which is what we're doing today. We're just having a conversation on this really complex and nuanced topics. So, big picture, I wanted to start by talking about, like, where do beliefs live in our

brain and our nervous system and our body? And the answer to that is complex, because beliefs don't reside in a single location, but across a bunch of different regions of the brain, they can manifest in our limbic system, our emotional center. There's obviously a part of our prefrontal cortex that holds our cognitive thoughts relating to our beliefs, our long term memory

centers, our hippocampus, which is part of our limbic center. And all of this interconnectedness brings us to the concept of a neurotag. So, beliefs are really neurotags, which are unique patterns of brain activation that involve neurons or pools of neurons from a bunch of different brain areas that work together in concert. And when these neurons fire together and wire together, this collaboration of neuronal connections generates the

experience of thoughts and feelings and actions. So there isn't a single brain area that's solely responsible for our feelings or actions or pain. But these experiences emerge from interplay between multiple brain regions. And this term neurotag reflects both distinct and individual nature of these brain activation patterns. So everybody has different neurotags, kind of like we have different fingerprints or different signature, different handwriting. And neurotag is unique to each

person. We all have different experiences that shape this wiring. And in the past, this was referred to as a neurosignature emphasizing the really distinct nature of these neurotags. We all have different neurotags, and we all have neurotags. When we experience the world through sensory inputs, we get enough sensory stimulus and it activates that whole neurotag. So it will fire into different parts of our brain, different parts of, of our interceptive system, different parts of our memory

system, different parts of our thought system. And all of this will start to create a reaction that happens in our body. It happens in our cognitive mind, and it happens in our reflexive responses and those brainstem responses to the world. And so every single neurotag has an emotional component. It has a cognitive component, and it has a physical component. So as I'm moving through the world, I experience some kind of stimulus and it triggers that

neurotag, which is the belief. And then that starts to change the way that my brain is taking in information, filtering it. And it starts to change the outputs that I'm experiencing, the emotional outputs, the cognitive outputs, the thoughts that are going through my mind and also the physical reactions. Am I moving into an f response? Am I

becoming activated? Am I shutting down? And so when we're talking about examining belief work, like talking about our limiting beliefs or identity or even our bias, we're talking about more than just what we're consciously aware of or thinking about. It's this neuro emotional somatic interplay. So when we're working with beliefs, we have to think about all of those different components and how we work with the body, the nervous system, the brain to start to create change there and to understand

how our beliefs are impacting us. And it's mostly what we are unaware of because they are part of subconscious patterns. And we get patterned from such an early age. And you don't really think about when you're two or three years old. You don't have the wherewithal to be like questioning why something is happening or where it comes from. And beliefs start to get wired from a really early in life in responses to significant or maybe repeated life

events, right? They're patterns that get in place. And so everybody has them. And they tend to be these kind of inner rules that we live by. And our beliefs are patterned by our relationships, by the church, by the school, by the news, by your television, whatever you are absorbing, whatever is happening around you, even in social situations, you are learning how to pattern what you believe. And the architecture of beliefs in the brain is so wildly intelligent, the way that beliefs are

protective and part of that subconscious pattern. Because regardless if the belief is limiting or very true, it is here to protect us and the brain. Like piper was saying, it's predictive, and it's looking for the patterns and evidence to support our belief, and that's to ensure our safety. And so when we're looking at a pattern, we have a belief, and then we take actions around how we believe. And each one of these continues to validate the other one in the belief

of the experience. And so when you're thinking about when a new belief is adopted, it can create a lot of stress in the body and in the nervous system, because the brain has relied so heavily on the old belief that

you just can't push up against it with that. You just can't push into that neurotag that you just spoke of without creating safety first in the nervous system, because one would experience the same protective response that their nervous system already elicits, like anxiety, shutdown, pain, fatigue, all of the protective outputs that we talk about. And so because, you know, like I was saying about the. Some of the structure, to change a belief is also to take a new action

into a pattern, into a path that is not laid. It's like walking down a dark street at night, and you can't, your brain does not know what's in front of it. That lack of prediction means an incredible amount of threat to the brain and to the body. And so successful, lasting belief and identity change, it must rest on a foundation of safety, but also

acceptance. Right? Yeah. Well, I was going to follow up from what you all said with this acknowledgement of executive limbic and survival brain sort of points of view and primary questions. This is one of the favorite things I learned from NSI was that the survival brain is asking, am I safe? And the limbic brain is asking, am I loved? And the executive brain is asking, can I learn from

this? And because of the nature of our brain, it's asking us to answer those questions and then really firm them up, turn them into beliefs, or at least like, recognizable patterns so that we can predict and move through the world with enough resources to respond to whatever might. Arise in the moment. Like, it's all about resource allocation. And a belief saves us a lot of resources because we don't have to know the answer to, am I safe? We already know

it. I believe x, and that can be really problematic when we've adopted. And absorbed really is a good word for it. So many different beliefs from others or beliefs that have arisen because of a degree of intensity with an experience. So even though maybe we only felt something once. It was so intense that now it's become a belief. Because it answers that question clearly, saves us a lot of resources, and predicts the most safety for us. Like, thinking about it through this lens, I just.

I love that it feels like my brain, my nervous system is trying to build a Maslow's hierarchy of needs within me. That my internal, beautiful, smart, wise system, however flawed, however crude at times, is really trying to help me start with safety and move into love

and then move into actualization. And it can get so stunted at the beliefs that we adhere to at each stage along the way that to me, it's like a relationship with my inner self becomes the priority over and over again because I recognize that I'm assessing these things, I'm answering these questions for myself, I'm building my

own internal safety and self actualization. And if I don't have a relationship to this, like, if it isn't in my ability to question it, to get curious about it, to look at it through this lens, then I assume it's what I am. I assume it's who I am. It literally becomes my identity and not an understanding of a system, an expression of a system. It's like so wholesomely depersonalizing for me in the healthiest way and then also at the same time personalizing for me in the healthiest

way. Like, I just want to squeeze my nervous system and be like, thank you for building your little mesmelos hierarchy needs. And also, oh, well, some of these beliefs are trash. I love you, but they're trash. It's just sweet. Like, that's lovingly how I talk to myself. But yeah, that's the thing that I've come out of it and thought has been so cool about looking at our brains and beliefs from just that piece. Absolutely. I think such a good point, especially understanding those questions

that our brain is asking all of the time. And that if that first

fundamental question of am I safe? Is if the answer to that is no. Because of the way that we've been patterned to interpret different sensory signals that are coming in, because of those developmental experiences that Jen was talking about, and I'm constantly being pushed into first and foremost, like, this survival response, there's not going to be, at a really physical level, enough resources, enough fuel and activation to make it to my cognitive centers so that I can get to that point about

having metacognition, looking at my behavior, questioning what I can learn from something, starting to evaluate if that belief is working for me or not. I'm just in the response. And that survival trauma response of panic or shutdown or dissociation. And then as I move through the world, replaying that over and over and over again, absolutely, I can start to really identify with that. That reaction is who I am. I am that response. I'm someone. I'm an anxious, panicked person.

I'm crazy. It was like there's a deep belief that I held for a long time about myself because of my reactions. When I can look back now and see I was under resourced. I had complex trauma patterning my nervous system. I also had issues with my fuel supply, lots of deficits in my nervous system, and I was just flailing around, doing the best that I could to answer those questions and protect myself. That wasn't actually who I was.

But because that happened over and over and over again, it really got baked in as my identity until I started to learn more about myself. Oh, yeah. My identity was, I'm a monster. I can't control myself. I hurt other people. I hurt myself. I am a monster. I didn't understand that it was coming from complex trauma and that it was coming from more of, like, a primal, reactive state of expression. And not only that, but a body based state of expression, like, not an intellectual state of

expression. Because it didn't matter what I was thinking about my identity. I'd like to be this type of person. These are my values. It didn't matter because my nervous system, that primal based, beautiful functioning that's really trying to keep me safe, is expressing stunted Maslow's hierarchy. And it's in me, and it's in this. And, like, again, these are words, but they are pointers. They are only pointers to something so much more complex and big and beyond words.

Like, our nervous system, to me, is so much less of an identity and more of, like, our soul. Think of our nervous system sometimes as our, like, mycelial network and, like, part of our ecosystem. And, like, our soul, our spirit, our spark, our thrum of energy. I really believe that we're multidimensional beings. And, like, I felt my soul feel uncomfortable in my body and not understand, like, is this a safe place? It was. I mean, I had

breast cancer. It got a little toxic in here. But now, through the deeper healing I've experienced through psychedelic therapy, I feel who I am at a soul level, and I know myself, and that really helps me to secure the knowing of I'm not bad, I am inherently worthy. But like Elizabeth, you said the answer was no to the fundamental question am I safe? And when I look back at my outputs and my ways of being as a younger person,

I can see that, no, I did not feel safe. I can reflect on that in the relationships I was in, and I can see the insecure attachments and the food patterns and the coping mechanisms. And then when I bring that in to and reflect on some of the core beliefs at that time, the ones that I had to rewire at the core. At the core was, I am bad, I'm worthless, I am unlovable. And I spoke earlier of the subconscious pattern.

And if the core belief is I am bad, then I'm going to act in a way as to hide, to play small, to fawn, maybe there's so many ways that one would act. And I personally was great at masking and being someone else for anybody, whoever they wanted me to be, just being outside of me and

seeking that external validation. And now I can have so much compassion for that part of me because of how cruel I was in the turning in on myself in those beliefs, from those beliefs, and the shame that came on the back end of those coping mechanisms and now getting above them. And like, why do I believe this? Where does this come from? And it makes me so sad to even think about the old ways at which I operated. My identity was wrapped up in complex trauma, the neurodivergence of complex

trauma. And it's just so sad. It's really sad to think about my life being rooted in from those places. I agree. I think it's really, I was going to dive into some of the, like, the brain areas where our identity lives. But I think, you know, if people are really interested in that and getting deep into the brain science, come join us in NSI because we'll dive into all of

that at a deep level. But I would love for us to gather, the three of us, to really just explore, maybe each talk about one of those deep beliefs that we had about our identity and how that did show up cognitively, emotionally and physically, and how we've kind of navigated that a little bit so that people could have more of an example of this neurotag. And as you guys were talking, for me, it came up as Jen was naming some of the beliefs, as I've done this belief work to unpack what's going on

underneath. One of the root beliefs that I always got back to was that I'm bad. And I think that comes from early childhood sexual trauma. And I have a very active shame response. So the way that that deep belief is in there, one that it was programmed in some ways to be protective, right? Because if I had to look at that experience and

really acknowledge the rage and the. The boundaries that I needed to set in place, it also would have really severed an attachment to a primary caregiver that I needed also for my survival. And so, as a little being, I internalize a lot of that. I bring it back in on myself so that I can keep that attachment

there and that survival need stays met. And then, as I move through the world, that's very deeply rooted in my brain and in my nervous system, and it drives my behavior a lot, pushes me into patterns of overworking, over giving, not being able to set boundaries. And then it has left me with this very reactive shame response that affects me on a physical level, right? Like, I have a conversation that I'm bad, belief neurotag gets triggered, and I experience shame. So I get

immobility in my body. I get a lot of inflammation, I get shameflammation, and that whole inflammatory response, my joints swell up, I get very bloated and shut down. And so then I'm moving between these states of, like, overdoing, over giving, people pleasing, fawning, and then being shut down and immobilized with

overwhelmed dissociation, freeze response. And so, re patterning that belief at a cognitive, at an emotional, and at a. At a physical, nervous system level has been hugely impactful for helping me to move through the world differently. Oof. I feel you. I kind of want to tag on to that, because part of that is my belief is that something is wrong with me. But why does that belief matter? Is my tag on? If something is wrong with me, then I'm going to incur violence.

Then I'm gonna experience rejection, and I will be alone. And my inner child says, then I will die, right? Like, and then at the end, then if I'm alone and no one's taking care of me, then I'll die, right? So it's like, it's. Something is wrong with me, and that means I'm always gonna feel this way. It's fundamentally me. It's fundamentally my fault. That expansion of it becomes so painful so quick, because it's not just this one isolated

thing. Something is wrong with me. Oh. And the belief that not only is something wrong with me, but it's not wrong with anyone else in the whole universe. I am the only human being with a fundamentally flawed core. Me. Everyone else is whole and complete, and then there's challenges swirling all around that. But if you just sit through my challenges, at my core, it is fundamentally busted. And I think this actually does eventually dovetail into diagnosis where it's like, see, see, I'm

dysfunctional. There it is, there's the list of symptoms, and it all adds up. I am dysfunctional. And it really actually came in and helped to solidify the belief that something was wrong with me and something was wrong with me at my core because the diagnosis doesn't come with a treatment plan. And again, that ability to just grow outside very quickly, like, okay, and then if this diagnosis, what does it mean? I'm going to be rejected. I'm going to be alone. I'm unlovable, like all of the

and ands and ends that come with it. And I actually find with most clients that they stop at the first one, like, something is wrong with me. And they haven't even gotten to examining the beliefs of, well, what happens if something is wrong with you? What does that mean to you? It's like, oh, it doesn't mean anything. It's just true. What are the consequences in your mind? Right? And that's where I adopting

these. Like, that's where questioning the identity really matters, because it gets bigger and it gets big fast. You both illustrated really beautifully, even. I'm going to go up a little notch, not down into the deep core, but to illustrate some other examples of what could be like on top of some of these things, because I think you guys have taken us there and I. Yes,

yes to everything that you both said. But, you know, when I first started doing belief work and before I had gotten into that core of I am bad and worthless and don't deserve anything, what? A lot of beliefs came up around my body. First, I noticed the ways that I put so much emphasis on the way that I looked, the way that my body was shaped, the way that I. If I sat like this, how would my body spill over? Or if I was in a size ten, it meant this. If I was

in a size twelve, it meant that. And if God, I dare go above that size, because then that really means I have no control over the food I consume. I have no control over my life whatsoever. If I would grow in sizes and then I would yo yo and I'd get down and I'd be feeling really good about myself in my body anyway, as well. I'd be feeling good about the number, but I would still have spillovers, muffin tops.

And I really believed that I wasn't valuable because of the size of clothing I was in that my voice wasn't worthy, that I did not deserve a seat at the table because of a size or the way that I looked, if my chin had a. If I sat into a double chin or if somebody got me from a profile that I didn't really like. And it was all this hyper vigilance around managing my body. I mean, I wore all of those constrictive garments.

I just, through so much of my life, had this very deep core beliefs around my body, and it was so harmful. And then when you speak of diagnosis, you know, okay, so I go through all these years of high, chronic states of stress from a little girl kidnapped in Turkey, okay, more stress, more stress. And then five years later, that diagnosis was cancer. So the physical, I was feeling, like, so much like Elizabeth said, shameflammation, so much bloating, so much heaviness

inside. And I oscillated between really high states of fight activation and being angry inside internally. And then I would get shut down into deep states of freeze. And so it was just like, one or the other. And so I really didn't get abusive to my body in the ways of, like, over training and overworking out till I was, like, in my thirties, I would do enough to get by, but because of the binge eating cycles and the binge eating being the way that I regulated, and then the

freeze. And so it was like the freeze was being propelled even further by the shutdown binge states. And so even in those times where I felt like, while I am a smaller size, I still. I just could not love myself enough to break any of the patterns, particularly the binge eating pattern was just like. It was devastating. And then, once again, that just all affirmed, I can't do this. And then I'm just perpetuating the way that my body physically looks because

I'm eating a bunch of garbage. And then it's like, well, that's not the nutrition value. Like, that's not what this system needs to survive and thrive and feel great about itself. And then eventually, for me, that heavy, toxic load in thought, in emotion, in belief in food, all of that led to a severe state of dysregulation known as cancer. We get so many questions from therapists, coaches, practitioners about NSI, and the best way is to really

experience it. We are doing a free workshop on August 8 with Matt Bush, Amanda Smith, and myself. Jennifer might pop in if you guys are lucky. And we will be connecting with everyone to teach you some practical tools and framework for the neurosematics of transformation. Because as practitioners, therapists, and coaches, you are deeply invested in guiding your clients toward lasting change. But change is inherently threatening to the brain and the

nervous system. An overflowing stress bucket can be a big roadblock. And when we know how to work with the nervous system, we get better client results. But we also prevent our own burnout. So we're going to be teaching you tools framework. We'll have a live q and a, and we would love to see you on August 8. You can go to neurosomaticintelligence.com to register for the workshop. So glad you said that, because it's the stuff over as well. It's the, I call those the superficial layers of what

we believe is the problem. So I just need to change my career or get that raise or change my body or have more access to something, right? It all becomes so capitalist and so exploitative so fast. But when we again, going back to beliefs, when we believe that's the layer we need to play at in order to solve the deep discomfort of something like, I'm a monster, I'm baddeme, something is fundamentally wrong with me, then we will never actually touch that thing. We will never

affect it. It requires a different set of skills. It requires presence, bravery, resources, being at the level of the nervous system, being in the body. Like, it requires such a different skill set that we're not offered culturally in the west to develop and face that. And instead, there are many systems in place that want us to stay at that top level. Jennifer. They want us to stay right there, feeling bad and seeking the way out on a cycle in big,

big money industries, 100%. And I think, jen, what you talked about, too, with that showing up in the relationship to your body is so relatable and so true for so many people. Like, in these first layers of my relationship to food, my relationship to my body, my relationship to work, and how that this is complex and it's layered because those deep beliefs are underneath there, driving that, like the what if of the belief. Like, I'm bad, so I have to be perfect in all

these other ways to cover that up. And also, like you were saying, piper, too. I think there's a lot that keeps us. Yeah. Pushing into those places to keep from diving into the core of the beliefs, because it's so much to start to explore and pull out

and work with those parts of ourselves and see those beliefs. So it took me a lot of action, like deconstructing the belief, starting at that more superficial layer, and then also really taking action and resolving and regulating and working with my nervous system to stop the binge eating cycles, to stop the workaholism and

the overdoing, to make rest possible. So that I had moments to sit and feel and connect to those parts without being distracted, for lack of a better word, by these other things that I'm so focused on the overtraining and the food and the thought, all of those thoughts that are, like, keeping me from touching that core place of shame and that I'm bad. And then as I started to work with all of that, then there were deeper layers of understanding what was down

there. It's what we do when we're kids. We choose shame to stay sane. I think Dan Siegel said that. But really, it's like the world around us doesn't make sense when it's when we come from histories of interpersonal violence or harm or societal or global harm. And so shame and choosing, that is how we stay sane. And then we mature and we

maintain that. Yeah, yeah. And it's the self abandonment that gets patterned so early on, because everything that we're talking about is taking us away from who we inherently are inside, taking away from that, that safety of that knowing. And, you know, if beliefs are neurological representations of our world, our culture, and these neurotags that Elizabeth spoke of earlier, like, they grow, the more that they are used. And so for someone who's experiencing, has an experience of complex trauma,

they also have self abandonment patterns. And those patterns are in place. Those neurotags that drive isolation, that drive fawn, that turn that inner critic voice up, crank the emotional flashbacks, the toxic shame. And then what happens is all of those ruminating thoughts, those repressed emotions that all that toxic, emotional. I say toxic, but it's really beaut, comes from a beautiful place. It's just that the buildup creates toxicity. It becomes so fulfilling. Prophecy, the

way that your life looks. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, you learn to just give your power away, seek externally for answers, for knowing. And if one has pattern in self abandonment, they're used to going against their instincts. They don't trust themselves. They're likely going to engage in people pleasing deep, fond patterns, perfectionism, not expressing our feelings, ourselves. And so we learn, we pattern to overall act in ways that

are not in alignment with our own needs. Oh, my gosh. And that really brings me to the relational aspect, too. This relational aspect that, like our sense of self is cultivated by the culture and the people around us. It really does prop up part of our, our sense of self for quite some time. And then we reach our teenage years when in adolescent development, you know, this is where we individuate and

come into our sense of ourselves. But there's so much shame and this sort of nearing back from the world that something is wrong with us, either because we are starting to feel that the conditioning we received growing up doesn't quite fit, or that even sort of this deeper level that we can't access, the sort of whispers of, I'm not worthy,

something is wrong with me, I'm bad. And to take those risks at that time in your life as a young person, to take those risks, to challenge what you've been indoctrinated into, I mean, wow, what systems do we have in place to help a young person do that? And so we end up having to come at it when we're older, which has a benefit because we as individuals know more. But I can't help but continually think about what it means for us as we relate back to the world like this.

Like I. The work we're doing individually is incredibly alive and vibrant because there is an ecosystem inside of us. There's this huge aliveness and that electrical from and

sense of self inside of us. And over and over again, the lens we're viewing ourselves through is still what others think of us, the consequence that our beingness will have on others and with others, and whether or not our own expression of self is going to be safe in this world at all, whether we'll be, you know, punished for our body or our wealth or our mind and capabilities. Like, it's. The whole thing gets so big and it's not at an

individual level. At a certain point, like, we're talking so much about how we're relating to ourselves relationally. But when you say self abandonment, it comes back to, well, why would we abandon ourselves? Because we are striving to belong. And a diagnosis in a modern psychotherapeutic context is individual. It's centered on the individual. It's a me problem. I'm the one with the symptoms. It's happening in me as an individual. That's literally part

of the diagnostic statistics manual. It's within the individual. And I think that that does us a disservice. And questioning our own beliefs is one thing, but then, like, moving to grow to question larger social beliefs or institutional beliefs is a whole other set of resources that we need. Yeah, I think this kind of brings us into diagnosis and looking at that, because again, this is a complex topic and there's some parts of having a diagnosis and having a way to identify that can be

beneficial, right? I start to have access to know that there are other people, maybe like me, having this experience. Maybe it opens up more resources or communities that I can connect to. And also it can start to be harmful because we over identify that diagnosis with, like, who I am. And if we don't have the resources or it's just some big social constructs that are diagnosing us in a way that isn't really true for our individual

expression, it can be really harmful. Like, for example, understanding CPTs for me was really beneficial because I could start to understand my behavior, my outputs. I could look at myself with more altitude and self compassion. It led me to form relationships with other people that could share that experience and really shifted a lot for me to help move me out of shame, out of the belief

that I'm crazy. But there were other diagnoses, especially like personality disorder diagnoses that I had a lot as a young person, bipolar, borderline, ADHD, that really put a lot of shame into my body and my nervous system shut me down. And then I moved into all of my relationships again, just reinforcing that belief that I'm fundamentally broken, that there's something wrong with me, that I'm a bad person to be in relationship with because I'm

crazy and I'm going to hurt you and I'm unstable. And then that played itself out. So I've had some really uncouple my identity and my internal experience from some of these diagnoses to be able to start to create change and question, like, how these systems are bringing those beliefs into my body and where I don't necessarily align with it. I remember when I learned that I had cpts, and it was a huge moment in my life, honestly. It was like there was. Now I could identify the mask that was on

my face. It was through this lens now, like, oh, this is why I do this. This is why I try to show up in particular ways. And I show up here at work and I show here in this relationship, and I show up here like this, and I show up over here like this. Like I was never, I was just outside of myself the whole time trying to maintain this status quo of life that we're all supposed to do and just move on the trajectory of, like, this is how your life looks when it progresses.

And there was something in me that always knew I was going against the grain of the status quo. Like, I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't do it. And that the failures that I experienced on that societal, cultural plane also validated that I was bad, that I could not do it. It brought more shame on that I could not keep up with things.

And then when, as I started learning, getting into my nervous system and getting into regulation, it allowed me to accept more of what my life looked like as to why I became shaped and developed to the way that I am. And the more that I got regulated and got to change some of my beliefs, it allowed me to step into a life that I'm now able to walk, a path I really like. It's put me on this podcast, changing my beliefs.

And so now I do engage in that alternate life against the status quo in a really healthy way that is in alignment with who I really am. I know I kind of veered off for a minute, but I do want to get back to diagnosis, because when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the very first thing I thought felt was a lot of shame. I knew for sure this was the time then that I was going to lose everybody. Like, all this stuff just repeatedly happening to me. I was kidnapped. Like, who gets kidnapped? Like,

yes, we know that happens online. Like, that's a thing that people have to be afraid of in their bodies now. But, like, I kept that story so tight to my heart, I only told such a small group of people because I thought that brought on so much shame. I did nothing. That also validated why I wouldn't want to be pretty or look good in my body or

feel good in my body. Because if I look like this now and someone takes me, what would happen if I started to look any quote better than what I do right now, then obviously I'm going to even be a bigger target. So I put weight on there. And of course, the stress cycle, the binging, the alcohol consumption was just like, wildly out of control. And when I think about my breast cancer diagnosis

now, I don't have any shame around it at all. I just think, of course, of course something like that would present. It only makes sense. It's totally logical to have been under such duress for 32 years or 37 years that, yeah, here we are, and now I can live my life not in a way of, like, fear of diagnosis. I feel like through nervous system regulation, I have so much more control over the activations in my parasympathetic responses and, like, how I can even modulate these

responses to get me into the place that I need. And now, of course, you're like, I have so much support in my life and people that I can go to and say, like, you know, this is what's happening for me. And then the psychedelics really helped a lot, too, to be honest with you. Yeah, I think that that still brings me back to the relational aspect. Like, I don't think in and of itself, a diagnosis is bad as a concept. I'm

with you, Elizabeth and Jennifer. Like, getting a diagnosis of conflicts, post traumatic stress, Washington, liberating. And I actually came to peace with myself, and I stopped pathologizing myself prior to that diagnosis. But it was really helpful to find a community and much more. Right. Because now the belief is, oh, I understand.

And it's happening through me. It's not me that allowed me to once again, like, wield a belief, but a belief that helped decrease stress in my system rather than increase stress in my system. And so it's like, it's not the diagnosis or even the capacity to diagnose someone in and of itself is bad, even though it can definitely be criticized and needs to be examined and constantly evolved. The relational aspect, as soon as I receive the diagnosis, what does it mean? What does our

society say about this? If this is my identity in a system where different identities are valued above others and receive more safety and access in others, what does it mean for me now that I'm this so shame coming on, or now I'm for sure gonna lose everyone? Why do those beliefs exist? That's what I care about the most. And then I follow it with now. What is the possibility here? What is the potentiality now that we have this diagnosis for liberation, for

healing, for a sense of wholeness? And I don't believe that wholeness means an imperfect form. I believe that wholeness is holding all of you in a moment, and that our role with each other in a larger relational structure is to be as we are, so that others have the gift of holding us when that is the role we play, is the one that needs to be held, when we play

the role of the one that needs to be held. Like, that's a valuable role, because that's part of how we give love and reassure that we're safe when things go sideways. And it's very, you know, it's like the diagnosis. Yeah, let's totally examine that for sure. And then, like, what is the impact of the relationships? We're no longer in small

communities. We're in a global world with nuclear family as this highly isolated world of belief, and yet we're in this bigger world that tells us that our diagnosis means a lot things, and we're not unaware of that. We absorb it. Absorbing is such a good word for this. So that's something that I think about. It's like a diagnosis can be so helpful, and then what is the world that I enter as a result of this diagnosis? And who is responsible for that world?

Is that also me? Because I'm the one with the diagnosis? I think these are the questions, right? Like, these are the big questions of, as we're spanning out the season, like, yes, looking at the individual level and the individual impact of where do I start to create that change for myself? Where does it fall to me to examine things and to learn tools for regulation and to reconnect to my body and to start to

process my emotions? And there's this whole big world that we are a part of and how do we start to look at these systems and where does that change start to come from? And who, who does that? Where does that responsibility lie, you know? And there's such a collective component to the healing that has to happen in order for any of these changes to start to occur. And starting with maybe even just the recognition of that this stuff is not. It's not what's

best for us, for our nervous systems, for our bodies. Starting to question that and peeling back the layers a little bit of, like, why does this exist? Who does it serve? And what are small ways that we can contribute to deconstructing it inside of ourselves and in community collectively? And that's just, we heal for ourselves, we heal for each other. We question these beliefs for ourselves. We question them foreign with each other.

I think we should talk about kind of like start to closing this out about, like, why this belief change is so important. Yeah, and maybe some examples of, like, just little examples why it's so important. And like, how we have done it a little bit. Like, what were some of the first steps? Because it's big. And like, what are some little ways that we do this? I definitely think about from an NSI lens, like, minimum effective dose

and being really slow with it. And I actually think that completely changing a belief, like, you don't even have to start there. Like, just get curious about it and wonder how did this belief come to me? And does this belief align with my authentic self as much as I know it? And knowing that there's, that I can't even know myself fully yet because I haven't had the time or space or capacity to become an expert in my own self, it's like just being

curious. I think something you said earlier, Piper is so important. And it's like, is it possible? Is it possible? Because the thing, like, we're changing a belief people often want to go to, okay, well, if I'm not worthy, I'm worthy. And it's like, whoa, that is a really big jump. And there's a years of mess to get through to get there. And so that can feel really scary. And I think that's one of the reasons, too, why believe. I mean, belief change for the nervous system is

going to be scary regardless of where you start with it. So when you're starting at the exact opposite, it's like, wait a minute, let's break this down a little bit. Like, is it possible that I could sit and have this conversation comfortably with my stomach relaxed? Is it possible that I could be relaxed enough in my body? Not bracing, right? Is it possible that I could come to this conversation in this kind of way, right, with my

voice, with my visibility? Like, is it possible that I could sit in a business meeting with a muffin top and, like, live and use my words, you know, is it possible that I could be kind and be in this body? Is it possible that

I could be loved? And how does it look like to receive also in a minimum effective dose way that we can actually recognize someone else's love for us, that holding, that we feel that comfort and then, like, understand or, like, have the capacity to receive, that this is what's going on, that there is a reciprocity between me and this other person or me and this world, this me and my garden, right? There's always a reciprocity energetically happening, too. And I think I. For

me, I mean, NSI has really. It's really been incredible. NSI and psychedelics together for me, psychedelic healing and NSI, those are like that and God. Like, that's what I need. Like, I didn't understand in a cognitive way, I understood that I was divine, that that was inherent, that I had a soul. But it wasn't until I went into altered spaces of consciousness where I could be like, oh, I am divine, okay? I am whole. I am whole with all of my

imperfections, with all of what's happened to me. Like, that's not me, that doesn't identify me. Like, I am this experience here in my body with these gifts, and this soul is already perfect that I host, and how can I back to making the physical body the safe place for that to root into, if that makes sense? It makes a lot of sense. And as you both were talking, my starting point with this is very not sexy. It's very technical and kind of maybe not what people always want to hear.

And sometimes I feel like a broken record with this. But I do feel like for me the starting place had to be a daily practice of working with my nervous system. Not even going to the beliefs, not even cognitively

or anything like that. I just had to start to work with my different sensory input systems, rehabilitate some of my deficits, get more fuel supply to my frontal lobe, start to work with my respiration in just this really practical foundational way so that I started to have the capacity to be able to think about these things, to get curious, to not always react and replay that same pattern. Like I just didn't have the capacity living in that state of constant stress

and constant dysregulation. And then once I started to have that foundation, then I could start to take those little minimum effective dose steps, moving into being curious, moving into questioning things, taking little actions in that minimum effective dose way, regulating around it, recreating the safety in my body and re patterning with those experiences over time. Then I could have some big somatic experiences that helped me feel and embody and experience my divinity, my

wholeness, express big emotions. But I had to have that capacity first and then to be able to work with my body and my nervous system on the back end of those experiences, to integrate that knowing and continue to create safety around it and still take those little actions. And so there's this real coupling then as the work has progressed of like taking actions in my life, having bigger peak somatic experiences and always coming back to that foundational place of caring for my nervous system.

Yeah, I think that that's perfect. I actually think if you like, you know, our powers combined, that's like a great, a great three part kind of framework which is starting with daily practice, don't even move right into, I'm going to change these beliefs in the same way we know that saying, tomorrow I'm going to become a ten k runner and I'm going to run ten k tomorrow. We're like, yeah, that's going to be hard. And so to your

point, starting with the nervous system work. Why? Because the nervous system is this root of our internal ecosystem that affects everything. And once you have capacity, there's a much more natural, spacious turn towards being curious. What are these beliefs? How have they affected me? Where do I want to go with the space that I've built?

Who am I? You know, like sure, you need resources was to go deeply into a question like that at a spiritual level, and then really expanding into an increasingly nourishing and expansive healing flow of being that, like, Jennifer really pointed to, I think that does hold it at a really high level. I would say. For me, the only thing I would add is, like, we talked about that superficial. Working at the superficial layer. Like, I need to change my. Whatever, my shoes so that I look cool, so

that I'm accepted, right. Like, and as soon as I get the right shoes, everything will be better. Like, that was really important for me to acknowledge. What am I trying to achieve and going one layer deeper? And I agree that having nervous system support is a really wonderful, like, foundation to move into that. But I will say that I did that before I found nervous

system work. And in that regard, wherever you're at today, if you can acknowledge that what you have is a deeper need for love, for connection, or to be affirmed, that you are not wrong, even as you are right now, that if there is a part of you, and I'm not saying everyone has access to that part yet, but if there is a part of you that can affirm that, seeking it out and relating to it and looking for those deeper needs, or those deeper fears that you're trying to quell, or those more

harsh beliefs that are underpinning those behaviors, or those desires, that would probably be the only thing I add. But, I mean, yeah, it's just about more freedom, more flexibility, more responsiveness. And in that liberation, you get grounded in that place of freedom, you are aligned. It's really a beautiful conversation today, y'all. Thank you so much. Thank you,

piper, for joining us. And I. It's a big conversation, and I think we were able to get into some nice, deep places today that I think a lot of people are going to resonate with. And can I just add one more thing that is so lovely? In whatever small ways you can connect to yourself for non consumer based pleasure, like reminding yourself whether it's being in nature and looking at something beautiful, or, like, touching yourself with care, or expressing to someone else,

I need love right now. Could you hold me? Like, these things are so, so, so important? Because this healing journey is not uniformly a slog. You know, it's not uniformly this rough time. The reason why it's there at all is because there's a deep, protective urge in us that knows that we are worth protecting. You know? So just continuing to lean into, however small, you can include that as well. It's really,

really helpful. Yes. Thank you so much, Piper. And I'm really happy to explore this topic and keep these thoughts in our mind as we go through the rest of the season. We get so many requests for in person events, and here it is. We're doing it. Yes. So if you are ready to join the first ever trauma rewired retreat and escape to the tranquil beauty of North Carolina's appalachian mountains, you are going to love this four day immersive nervous system

rewire. Yeah, we Jen and I are going to both be there guiding everyone through daily nervous system practices, somatic movements, neurosomatic meditations, emotional processing, and then we'll also have fun and play together, too. We're going to be hiking and swimming in the river and just spending really precious time in community. And we've joined forces with two incredible ladies that run the nature of mind body, and they are experienced

nature guide and therapists. They're trauma informed, licensed therapists who have also been through the neurosomatic intelligence coaching certification. So join us for a rejuvenating retreat to reflect, recharge, rewire, and rediscover your inner balance. Reserve your spot. Today we're keeping this intimate so spaces will go fast. So go to rewireretreat.org to book today and really embark on this journey of self discovery through working with your nervous system and being

in nature and community. We can't wait to see y'all there. This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. We often discuss lived experiences through traumatic events and sensitive topics that deal with complex developmental and systemic trauma that may be unsettling for some listeners. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice. If you are in the United States and you or someone you know

is struggling with their mental health and is. In immediate danger, please call 911 or. Specific services relating to mental health. Please see the full disclaimer in the show. Notes.