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I actually found out about the organization because upon moving, me and my wife got plugged into a church and we met different types of people. And we were actually plugged into a small group and the husband and wife, the leaders of the small group, the husband was actually the founder of this organization, so the executive director. This is Adam. Adam moved to a Midwest city to be closer to his fiance, who's now his wife, a few years before working for a nonprofit organization.
He loves basketball and is passionate about giving back to his community. So when he found out about this organization, he knew he wanted to take part in its mission. So the goal of the organization as a whole is basically through the game of basketball to mentor and build up young men in the inner city. A lot of young men in the inner city grow up in a culture of basketball. And like every kid, including myself, like has big goals and aspirations.
And for a lot of these kids, it was to make it to the NBA or to play basketball on some collegiate level. And the vision mission of this organization was through the game of basketball to mentor and develop young men. And so, yeah, I just began volunteering every week. I would go every Tuesday and Thursday or so after work. That's kind of how I got plugged in. From the outside, this nonprofit organization seemed to be well managed and effective in executing its mission.
The exposure Adam had to this organization while being a part time volunteer was positive and enjoyable. So when he got the opportunity to join as a full time employee, there were no hesitations. But what Adam didn't realize was the executive director was the kind of manager who flew by the seat of his pants and had poor leadership and communication skills, which made for a miserable work environment.
My name's Carleigh and this is Toxic Workplace, a podcast that gives a platform to those who have survived highly toxic work experiences only to come out with newfound wisdom and a renewed sense of self. A toxic workplace is more than just the daily grind. It's a soul crushing experience that will chip away at your sanity until you're about to lose your mind. It's an abusive relationship that's hard to leave. And the longer you stay, the more you lose sight of who you set out to be.
Perception that I got was one of like excellence. It was, you know, seemed to be very well put together. I'm a huge fan of basketball and just kind of the way that they try to accomplish their goals of mentoring young men. Everything that I heard about it was good, and granted, I couldn't find any sort of reviews online about it. And so all that I knew was from this word of mouth and everything sounded good.
And even when I joined in on volunteering, my first connection with the kids that they serve, this organization serves, was something that I deeply admired. It was a lot of fun. I got to grow in really close relationships with the young men that I worked with just in my volunteering role. And some of the other volunteers came quite frequently as well, and they were seemed to be bought in to what was going on. So as I was volunteering, I was working for a local high school.
It was a contracted position in the high school. So I had a three year contract when I knew that was coming to an end. I started to try and ask around to my connections about some potential jobs for when that contract ended. At this point, me and my wife were very close to getting engaged. And so I also wanted to look at places that were perhaps more viable than weren't just contracted.
And I remember thinking, you know what, I'm just going to ask the executive director of this organization, and I'll just call him George. And so I remember just like whispering in his ear every now and again, like trying to plant a seed of, hey, like I'm interested in a position. I would love to join on because at this point, all of my experiences with this organization were just really positive. And for about six months, he was just like, I don't know, we have to get approved.
And he's like, I think it would be great. We're actually looking for a position, but took forever for this job opening to even be public. And so at this point, I kind of forgotten about it. And then I get a call and like one of my last months contracted. And it's from George, and he asks me if I would like to interview for a position. And the position is one of an administrative assistant. It was a pay increase. It was a position that I know wasn't necessarily contracted.
And then I could quickly jump into interview and great. I walked in, I literally left thinking like I crushed that and like I feel like I'm going to get a job offer. You know, I did later that day, I got one and I was really excited, literally on cloud nine, because it was the perfect position. So I thought and we worked out like an arrangement where I would start part time until the school year was done. And then I would jump in full time.
And so actually in the interview, they actually mentioned that this position is new and you're going to be the first person in this position. And the job description is a little vague. And so on one hand, I'm thinking, OK, great, like there's a lot of flexibility. And what I wasn't realizing in that moment is that can also be a recipe for disaster because there's no parameters on what you're doing.
And the line quickly became blurred to where George, myself and really the board members that helped hire me had no idea what I was going to be doing. It was just the job title was nice in theory. And because George was kind of drowning in the day to day, he needed somebody else. And they didn't really think beyond that. Everything about this new position made sense to Adam. He'd already been a volunteer with this organization, so it felt like he knew the culture.
George, the executive director, was willing to let Adam work part time while he finished his work contract at the high school. It wasn't until Adam was being onboarded as a full time employee that he saw the first red flag. Prior to jumping on full time, you know, you have to get your laptop, you have to get all the all the onboarding paperwork done. They don't have any office spaces. We work from coffee shops, we work from somebody's house.
And the first red flag that I got that, oh, no, maybe this is not what I thought it was, was we are meeting. And he's kind of going through onboarding with me. And I realized he has no idea how to do an onboarding in our little meetings. I would just like go to coffee shops and he would think of the onboarding agenda like on the fly. And it would be, oh, and you probably need to know this and oh, wait, oh, yeah, you should probably know this.
Maybe I'm type A, but I would definitely have come in there with a list of like, OK, we need to go over this and this and this and this. But there was just so much disorganization. Our filing system was Google Docs, which is a great thing because Google Docs is free, but it's also a terrible thing because there's no limit with how free it is. There was this one doc called the Adam doc, and it was just like my onboarding.
It was maybe 10 pages long of just things that he had copied and pasted from other docs. And he just threw them all in one doc and was basically like, you can go through it on your own. If you have any questions, let me know. And just starting on, you don't know what you don't know. One and two, basically my job title, my job description, my onboarding was just an ever changing Google Doc that was always being added to.
A thorough and supportive onboarding process is critical for the success of any new employee. The onboarding process should lay out clear expectations of the new employee and the basis for their position without a clear understanding of what's expected, what the position entails and how the operations of the organization flow. An employee can be left confused and deterred without clear direction.
An employee will take it upon themselves to make their own direction, which can be frustrating for everyone involved. At most nonprofits or at least younger and smaller staff nonprofits, there's always opportunities to work evenings, overtime, weekends, just to catch up. But stuff in the job descriptions included like vague things like assisting the executive director with, you know, A, B and C or helping meet organization needs.
But I quickly found out that I was asked to do all these different odd tasks as far as just like, you know, getting food and making copies and being a communication liaison between the parents, our volunteers, our donors. Early on, I remember thinking this is a lot, but I don't want to say no because I'm the new guy. Like, who wants to say no as the new person? You don't want to show that like, oh, I can't handle it. I don't want to disappoint anybody either.
Part of me understands that part of a nonprofit, sometimes you have to have all hands on deck and you have to just like go for it. But that became my regular workflow. And our like busy season of the year, which is the summer where we would have tournaments. And so I kind of jumped on right as tournaments for like every single weekend. So it quickly became into working evenings with different events. We would work out of a community center every Tuesday and Thursday night.
And so we would have young men from the neighborhood come to the community center. And that's where we would hold practice. That's where we would hold our Bible study. And that's where we would feed them a meal. And so every Tuesday and Thursday, those three things were incorporated. So yeah, I would work evenings on Thursdays primarily, but then I was expected to work all day Friday as well. And so like, like scheduling really wasn't a thing because you just had to do what you had to do.
And I think that extends from George's own ability to work long hours. He can just go, go, go for so long. It is normal now. And I think he might expect other people to do the same thing. But I think he just built differently to do those things. There was one day where it was like 6 a.m. And we didn't have our last game until six or seven that night. And so like the entire day, if you're not playing, you're at the arena waiting. It can be a really long day.
And I remember asking George, like, hey, are these part of my job description? Like, am I required to get these tournaments? Because in the interview, none of this was mentioned. And he said, well, technically, no, it's not in your job description. It's not in your requirements. But we need you and we'd love to have you.
What I heard was she's given me a choice, but I'm conflicted as to how much of a choice it was telling a new employee that, hey, you're not required to be there, but you're also new and we could really use you. When an employer claims that an employee has a choice, but there is an implication that the only acceptable decision goes along with their agenda, it creates an illusion of choice. It undermines autonomy and it creates fear around making the wrong choice.
This fear will stifle honest communication, which is why Adam kept pushing himself to keep up with George's demands. He wanted to stay in George's good graces. Another one of the red flags was at a board meeting. So we would meet on Friday mornings at a church, no less, at like 7 a.m. And it would be all our board members and there was five of them and then the three full time staff were there.
And in the timeline of this board meeting, the organization was looking for a basketball intern, an intern to help coach Daniel, the head of basketball operations, kind of function and to be kind of like an assistant coach, if you will. And in the board meeting, the whole conversation was about, well, how can we find this guy? Does anybody know of anybody in the area that would be willing to make this much money for this amount of time and coach our young men like in basketball?
Coach Daniel, who do you want to work with? And so this conversation was going around and around with the board and with George and Daniel. And I remember saying, guys, we have a volunteer and he's been a volunteer for years and he's decent at basketball. He loves the kids that we work with. The kids love him. He's not going anywhere. Why not just make him the basketball intern instead of trying to find a new one?
And then the whole room kind of got quiet and they were like, huh, that's a pretty good idea. And so then the conversation turned to, well, why not make this guy an intern? And then one of the board members who was like a more prominent board member, he's been with the organization ever since its beginning. And he said, well, you know, our kids are going to respect somebody who looks like they play basketball.
He was like, you know, you look at coach Daniel, he looks like he actually played on a national championship team, which he did. And you look at this other coach and he looks like he just left McDonald's. And the whole room kind of got really quiet and the room starts laughing. And I'm just like looking around like this is our top volunteer and we're saying stuff about him that we would never say to his face. And this is a Christian organization.
And we're having our board meeting that we have trusted to like steer and kind of like guide this organization. And we're laughing at his appearance, not his mind, not his character, not what he could bring to the table, not his skill level, but his appearance. And I was floored because this coach is a good friend of mine.
But that was the first red flag of like, if this is an organization that actually cares about the Christian that they tag on to like Christian ministry or a nonprofit, this sort of stuff would not be being said. This stuff wouldn't even be allowed at a non-Christian nonprofit. This is what we're saying about our top volunteers. What else is being said about other staff when they're not in the room? What's being said about me when I'm not there?
Making fun of an employee behind their back is not only unprofessional, but also sets a negative precedent for the entire organization. Employers should prioritize creating a positive and respectful workplace culture to foster employee well-being and overall success. Culture is shaped by the behavior of its leaders. And in this instance, the mockery is coming from the board, who are the decision makers of this nonprofit.
If an employer engages in disrespectful or mocking behavior, it will contribute to a culture of bullying and fear where employees are afraid to speak up. This situation was highly uncomfortable for Adam. Also in that same meeting, we were talking about funding and donors and how much they give because a nonprofit runs on donors. A couple gave $15,000 to the organization and we were talking about how the funding should be used.
And George, in a mocking tone, said, like, oh, these people won't care where their money goes. They just care about the pretty shoes. It was a tone of like, well, they're too dumb to know where their money actually goes. They just want a pretty shoe on the feet of the players. They'll throw money at anything. The way he said it was really condescending. And so I remember coming home and sharing with my wife, I don't know what's going on. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, this is uncalled for.
This is appalling in a way, because everything that I thought up until that point about the organization was slowly kind of being washed away. George's condescending comment about how to spend the donors' money shows a lack of gratitude for the crucial role these donors play in sustaining his operation. George's lack of gratitude sets the tone for the rest of the organization. If George isn't thankful, the lack of gratitude will trickle to the bottom.
One time in one of our meetings, Daniel was sharing his ideas with George and George was like looking at him, you know, nonverbal cues of like acknowledging that I'm listening to you, he's hearing him. And then I remember I started to speak and George literally picked up his phone and was on his phone while I was talking. And so I literally stopped talking. And as I stopped talking, like, I'm not saying anything. And George is continuing to look at his phone, like text somebody.
And without me saying anything, he's like, uh-huh, yeah, that's great. That's good. But I'm not saying anything. So he just he thinks I'm talking. It's like dead silent. Daniel's staring at me like what's going on. And I sat there silent until George was done. And then I just pick up my left off. Like the disrespect, like if anybody is talking, let alone somebody that I work with, and I pick up my phone while they're talking, it's just so disrespectful.
And then there were actually times where Daniel agreed with me and he actually speaks up. The difference between me and Daniel is Daniel is really good at basketball and George respects those who are better at basketball. He just respects them more. And so George grew up playing basketball and he played in college. He started his own basketball organization. And so he just respects people who are better at basketball. And because the organization, that's what it's about.
I think that's why Daniel Daniel was more favoritism. Daniel was also really good at his job, too. So so I started to know some little things, like in an email that I got from George, he didn't call me Adam. He called me the name of a previous staff member. So I was like, OK, that's weird that I know that person hasn't worked here in a while. Active listening is a crucial aspect of effective leadership.
Its absence can lead to major communication breakdowns when employees feel ignored or undervalued. George's lack of acknowledgement was frustrating for Adam. He felt disrespected as though his opinion wasn't worth George's time. There were also some like I noticed some language being used was kind of sexist. I noticed he would only call women who disagree with him opinionated and he wouldn't call men who disagree with him opinionated.
He didn't like the pushback that he got from a female board member. And so when she wasn't around, he would like make comments of like, yeah, she's really opinionated and hard to please. And not once was I ever hear him make the same comment about a man who made similar pushbacks. As I mentioned earlier, George would always come to our meetings with something would be wrong, whether it's his family or his marriage is in a rough spot.
And one time he just began to share too much information about his wife and like her physical body. Like, so the things that I know she would never want anybody else to know. He would preface it with like, oh, she's going to kill me for telling you this. I shouldn't tell you this. OK, I'm going to tell you. So they recently had kids. And so he would tell me how her body had just like transformed.
And he told me that her nipples were inverted because of breastfeeding and just things about her breasts and like how they were so like this formed because of breastfeeding. I I'm not going to comment on this one. And two, what in the world makes you think that you can tell me about any part of your wife's body that she would never share with anybody? Professionalism is a cornerstone of a healthy work environment.
Discussing personal and intimate details about a spouse's body parts undermines a professional atmosphere and can damage the boss's reputation as a leader. George clearly has no respect for his wife's privacy. Not only is this a violation of her privacy, but it's a highly inappropriate discussion to have in the workplace, which made Adam feel uncomfortable. One of the big red flags was the organization as a nonprofit. It was really living and navigating in like the wild, wild west.
Like there were no rules. Nobody's going to check in on a small nonprofit and make sure they have these certain standards. And if they do, it's very few. And so we're working with kids, but we in no way had like a sexual harassment training or procedure or like sexual assault or like any sort of training for our leaders or even for our staff. And that's something I didn't realize joining on.
But over time, with other organizations like, you know, Boys and Girls Club or Big Brothers, Big Sisters, you know, they have protocols. And as we're brainstorming ways like, you know, do we pay for training that we can just show all of our staff? And one thing you need to know about George is George really cares about pinching the pennies. He really cares about saving a buck or two when he can. So in this case, he was like, why don't we just make our own?
Why don't we just make our own sexual harassment or sexual abuse training and use that? And I was like, well, I don't I don't know. Like, there are people who are literally paid to do this and like they don't miss anything. And he was like, no, I think we could do it. He's like, we can make a video. He's like, we can make a video about it, like the rules for our leaders and for our kids.
And he started to throw out ideas of like, oh, wouldn't it be hilarious if like a kid's face was on a stick and it came out of like the stall? And so he started to add humor to this. And he was like laughing. He was like, wouldn't that be so funny if like one of us is like in the bathroom and then just a stick pops out with like a kid's face on it? And like me and Daniel, like how to look to each other.
And we were like, you know, nothing, nothing would protect us more in court if anything would happen other than like a funny sexual abuse training video. I told my dad this and he was like the only person who would joke about that is somebody who hasn't lived through it or hasn't experienced it. George just doesn't know, I didn't know what he was doing. But I'm just like, you work with kids day in, day out.
And I think the next day or two days later, he was literally typing out all of the things, like all the rules that he wanted to have. And some of this stuff was nonsensical. Like, I kid you not, an example of a sentence was kids should not have on their clothing any sort of photo that would otherwise be allowed in a different context. Like just weird phrases that he's trying to sound like legit and like up to standards, but it's not.
He started to list all the things that shouldn't be on like a t-shirt. And I made the comment, like, I don't even know who would wear a shirt with like, Nuzzi on it or like anything like that. In a joking tone, he was like, I would. I totally would. If I was cool, I would. And he continues to type all this stuff up. And I'm like, hey, I really think you should just run this through our insurance. Just run it through them and just be like, hey, can you type up some some like bylaws for us to use?
And he was like, oh, no, no, I got this. Joking about a sexual harassment policy, especially when working with kids as a coach, is incredibly inappropriate. Making fun of this policy trivializes the seriousness and sends the wrong message about the organization's commitment to creating a safe environment for children. George's joking behavior could inadvertently contribute to the normalization of more inappropriate behavior from others.
It started to impact every area of my life. I did not like going into work. I had high anxiety every single time my phone rang because I was afraid it was George, because that's what he would do. He would just call you out of the blue. And like, like there was no agenda. There was just like, hey, can you do this, this and this? So I was on high edge. It eventually started to impact every area of my life. Like my marriage was suffering. My personal time was suffering.
Like I couldn't even enjoy a day off because the work never ends. Could be the call today that I need to work or at the very least, I know I'm going to have to go back in tomorrow. And that sucks. So like there was hardly any sort of respite from the anxiety that I felt. And so I remember my wife just like we're on a walk and she just stopped. And this was a couple of months in. She just stopped and she was like, I really need you to talk about something else other than this organization.
It was like all that I could think about, all that I could talk about, all that I would worry about. And she was like, this is consuming you and it's not good. And there's really no side of it slowing down. There just wasn't. And looking back, I definitely think I made myself stay there way longer than I probably should have. I probably should have left way earlier than I did. And I just I tried to gut it out and like white knuckle it and just be tough and put your head down and work.
And it just made me more exhausted. I started to write my resignation letter three months in to the role. Like in my head, I was like, OK, I know I'm going to leave and this is what I'm going to put. Like I just started to mentally write my resignation letter. And so multiple times throughout my time there, like as early as like three to four months, my wife was like, you got to get out. Like you have to get out. I knew she was right, but I just told myself it's going to get better.
It's going to get better. Like I just have to fight through this or maybe if I do this, something will change. There'd be a span of like three months and she'd be like, you got to get out. Another span of three months. You got to get out. I started to talk with previous employees of this organization because when I was volunteering, I got to meet some of them and I got to befriend some of them. And they were no longer there when I joined staff.
That's another thing. There's a high turnover rate here, which I didn't even think about joining on, but there's a high turnover rate. And I remember reaching out to some of these former staff members and I was like, hey, this is what's going on. And I shared my concerns. I shared some of the things that I noticed. I shared just like the lack of leadership ability and lack of how to lead a team from George and just like his disrespect. And they were like, yep, that's exactly why I left.
Like that's exactly the same things. And they were like, the thing is the DNA of the organization is the DNA of George because he has he founded it. And the reason it's chaotic and running at 100 miles an hour is because George is chaotic and runs at 100 miles an hour. The reason the ball is dropped in all these different areas is we were doing so many events, but they were all poor events.
And I remember telling George, like, I'd rather do three or four big events a year and do those really, really well rather than just spin our wheels on all these other events and do them poorly. And this previous employee shared with me that they had brought up the same concerns with George. And this previous employee was actually from the inner city where we were.
He said, hey, for these families, George, like they don't need breadth, like they need depth, they need depth and they need consistency and they don't need all these fancy events, like they don't need all these cookouts. What they need is like people in their lives to stick with them for long term. And he said that the message that he quickly realized was that the organization train is going to move and either you're on it or you're off of it and nothing's going to change.
And there's actually another employee that I actually managed to get on the phone. I was calling her for like funding reasons because she had given in the past and I actually got her on the phone and I said, hey, like, how was your experience when you worked there? Because she worked, she was interned and she kind of did some of the things that I did. And she was like, oh, man, like, you know, George, everything is kind of chaotic in last minute and always changes.
And I was like, OK, so you're experiencing some of the things that I'm experiencing. And she said, yeah, absolutely. I remember going home after the internship, like with my mom and just like talking to her about how difficult it was and how terrible it was. Some of the things she mentioned was like George is all over the place. He would just have unrealistic expectations of like, hey, let's I want this venue booked for 50 people in like two weeks.
And we're like, that's not going to happen. And he'd be like, no, no, make it happen. Like it can happen. A work culture that prioritizes work over personal life can have significant negative impacts on personal relationships and downtime. A never ending, daunting workload can contribute to high levels of stress, anxiety and burnout. Adam was so wrapped up in the constant shuffle and demands of his workload that it made it challenging to engage in anything outside of work.
At this point in time, I had had it. I was like, OK, I told my wife, like, you're right, I got to do something. Something has to change. And so I went to George and I said, hey, I'm not happy because the communication, the pace at which we go and just like the lack of organization that we have as a company. And we had brought the board into this conversation.
At this point, I had met with the board and like they saw what I saw and they totally affirmed me in my opinion as like, yeah, George is kind of all over the place. And he needs some training. He needs some help to run an organization. And I was told that, hey, let's take a couple of weeks to just think about the direction that both you and George want to move forward, you know, whether that's staying with the organization or if it's not, we want to do the best by by both of you.
And it was in that week or two, lol, that I was working one day and I was actually on George's Google Drive because he had shared that with me when I first started. And I was like, looking out, OK, what are some of the things some of the things that he's working on so I can maybe help him or help get ahead? And in his recents, I saw this document titled Adam history and I was like, what, what is this?
And so I didn't click on it because I'm like, I don't want any record that I was in there because that could be bad. But they show you a thumbnail and you can see some of the like stuff that's written up. And like I remember reading it and I was very upset, one, because some of the stuff I was just hearing for the first time when I read it. And basically the whole document was like everything that I had done wrong since I started.
It included some really petty stuff, like running two to three minutes late to didn't have enough cups or napkins for this event. Really petty stuff, all the way to stuff that, yeah, like I said, I read it and I was like, I didn't even know he had an issue with this. Why have I not been talked to about this? Another reason I was upset was because some of the things I fully take is like, yeah, I'm responsible. I dropped the ball there. I dropped the ball there.
Like, that's not what I'm saying. Like didn't happen. What made me upset was my mind instantly went to, oh, wow, he's using this with the board to try and like portray me a certain way. When our conversation went really, really well with the board. They were kind of like grilling him to the point where I felt a little bad, like they were like, well, Adam doesn't know his roles because your communication is not good. They would literally tell him that.
And in that meeting with the board, George actually shared with me that his unset expectation was for me was like that I would come on as like a chief of staff and like have like have all these roles and help him think through the organization direction, like from a bird's eye view, like 10, 5, 10 years out. And I was like none of this was communicated with me. He was always disappointed in me because I was never living up to those unset expectations that we had.
Board members are not part of daily operations, which gives them a limited visibility into what's actually going on. So they have to rely heavily on the information provided by the executive director. In this case, George, personal relationships between board members and George can introduce biases. George was well connected and friendly with his board, some of them being longtime connections. So naturally, they defaulted to George's agenda, probably as a way to avoid conflict.
George was now building a case against Adam. I definitely feel like George pushed me out, and that's because me and my wife actually went out of the country for like two weeks. And so all this was transpiring while I was gone. Like we had just had the meeting with the board and then we were leaving. We were going to come back. Well, once I got back, I messaged a board member and I said, hey, what's like when's our next meeting?
And I was told we will meet separately, just the board, and then we will meet with just George and then we will meet with just you. What ended up happening was a couple of weeks later, I messaged George and said, hey, is there any updates on the board? And he's like, yeah, they plan to meet tomorrow. I said, OK, and then the next day I just get a random text from George saying, hey, can we meet tomorrow at four or something? And I'm like, sure, it's on the agenda.
And he says, I want to discuss with you what the board talked about. And so for some reason, I just knew this meeting was going to be big because George was being just vague enough to like not give me anything. And so I went into this meeting. This is after I had already found the document. This is after I'm fully expecting a meeting with the board because that's what I was told.
And George essentially slide the piece of paper across to me and he said, hey, the board had agreed with my decision to either terminate you or have you resign. I was a little shocked and I said, OK, so this was your decision. And like the document clearly says, the board agreed with his decision to give me those choices. So somewhere he overrode the board or convinced them to not give me that extra meeting with them.
And I think I maybe poked the bear or went to the board and he didn't like that because he didn't look as good and got rid of me. Adam went into this meeting with George and the previous meeting with the board with the hope of making a change, a change that would possibly mend the communication issues with George and fix broken processes. But George knew Adam would challenge him to change his ways, which he wasn't willing to do.
And he wasn't willing to listen to any suggestions or criticism of how he managed this organization. The board should have stuck to their word and given Adam a proper platform to hear out his concerns, but they never did. And so I left that meeting feeling very upset. I was I was ticked off on one hand because I was told a process was going to happen by the board and that process didn't happen. I felt lied to. I felt kind of betrayed because I was told I would at least get a meeting.
I would at least get some sort of official feedback outlet. And I was also relieved because me leaving was always the end goal. And so just because it didn't happen the way it was going to happen, like I was just kind of relieved to all right, like I know my last day, like I don't I don't have to wonder when it is anymore. My entire time working there, I got lost confidence in myself. The job and George made me doubt myself.
The confidence that I had was just washed away because of all the things that I was told, like, hey, you're you're lacking in this area. You need to do better in this area. Like this fell apart because of you. It wasn't explicitly said, but it was kind of hinted at and just implicitly stated. And so I kind of worked through my confidence issues and the more that I learned from previous employees, I started to gain my confidence back and just think, you know what?
This is not me. Like, I'm not crazy. Like, George is not a good leader. So the stipulation with the resignation was only if you resign would you get any sort of severance. And so he just wanted, like, me to work, I think, two extra weeks. And so I worked those two extra weeks and he's like, within these next two weeks, if there's any sort of slander or negative talk the organization feels from you, we will remove your severance. And so for the next two weeks, I like to say anything to anybody.
But I was pretty upset because it was very vague, the stipulations and like the contract or so that I signed. I asked, can I can I get a formal exit interview with the board to provide feedback and have proper closure? And he said, yeah, like, we'll make that work. And I said, OK, great. That sounds that sounds awesome. That's that's my only request. Well, the next two weeks that I'm working, I'm like inquiring about it. I'm trying to figure out when can we have this?
And it's my questions are just being dodged by George is like, I don't really know if we'll be able to do that. And then suddenly board members started to drop off as far as availability of like, oh, well, this board member can't meet with you. This one can't. Eventually, I was offered a phone call with just one board member and I declined it. And I said, no, like, I want to meet with at least two people.
So there's some sort of corroboration because I don't trust anybody just to talk to one person and have that be told to other people. And so I never got a formal interview. And I thought, you know, certainly an organization that would desire feedback and how they can grow would want one. And part of it was I was relying on George to to try and put it together. And I don't think he wanted it. So I don't think it happened. So at this point, I was fully let go. I had gotten my severance and.
I met up with two previous employees and we just kind of talked about our experiences. Well, all of our experiences lined up, George is just a terrible leader, like he's just a terrible leader. And so we all thought, OK, like, let's just try to extend like an olive branch to George and let's try to meet with him. And just to talk about our experience, because we really want this organization to succeed. We really want George to grow in these areas.
What's the best way? And we realized, well, let's not go to his board. Let's just go to him and like, let's request a meeting with him. And he wouldn't meet up with us. And so the main thing that I got when I left was this organization only wants feedback when it's on their terms. Exit interviews demonstrate a commitment to open communication and transparency, and it shows employees that their opinions and experiences are valued, which creates trust and openness.
Feedback obtained from an exit interview can highlight areas of needed improvement. It's obvious this board doesn't value communication, which is why George continues to get away with his poor leadership. As hard as it was to get pushed out, Adams soon realized it was a weight lifted off his shoulders. I asked him what he learned from this experience and what his advice is to others in a similar situation.
The first thing would be to speak up, vent your frustrations, vent your concerns, vent ways that you think things could get better and like establish a line of open communication with your boss, with your superior, with somebody else in the organization, because that's something that I didn't do. For the longest time, I just tried to get it out and just put my head down and work. And I can't help but feel like if I were to speak up sooner or open my mouth and share like, hey, that's not right.
Or I really think this is the way we should do it. Or I think you're wrong in a respectful way. I think that only would have helped. I definitely consider it a success leaving the organization. And I consider it a success because of the things that I learned about myself, the things that I desire, the things that I do really well and the things that I don't do well. I think for the longest time, I told myself I'm a failure if I leave.
I'm a failure if I don't see this out and I don't see it through to the end. After leaving, I realized that, you know what, like my time there, even though I left and, you know, I'm not maybe not the best way, like it's not a failure because the things that I learned about myself, like the work environment that I thrive in, the specific tasks that I thrive in, I know I have gift things and I have skills and I have things that I'm just naturally good at.
And none of those things were really pulled out of me in those jobs. So I learned that I don't want to be in a position or a job that doesn't do those things. Adam has since started working for a new organization that has better leadership, structure, and who value him for his attributes. Going through this toxic workplace experience helped him discover his value, which has given him a renewed lease on life and his career.
Discovering your true value is a journey toward unveiling your authentic self, the person you are beneath the weight of stress and anxiety. Realizing your true value involves reclaiming your power. It's a declaration that your thoughts, feelings, and aspirations are valid and deserving of acknowledgement. This act of self-empowerment becomes a catalyst for positive change and a fulfilling life. Next time on Toxic Workplace.
I tried to go see a judge about a restraining order and the judge knew the guy and was like, you don't have to worry about him. We're not giving you a restraining order. I showed up at the judge's office alone and walked out alone in tears. And then this new guy leaves and now I'm alone again with a stalker. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. If you have a story to share, please go to ToxicWorkplacePodcast.com and click on Be a Guest. Your story will be told anonymously.
All names are changed to protect the employee and the company. And don't forget to leave a review on Apple Podcasts.