End of Season Awards: Best Player, Manager, Goal and much more!

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Welcome to the Total Soccer Show and a very special episode that comes but once a year. Please join us on the red carpet for the annual Total Soccer Show End of European Season Awards or the Toties. as all the cool kids are calling it. Today, we're handing out awards for the best players, teams, managers, moments, stories, and much, much more. So stick with us for the most glamorous episode on the podcast calendar. My name's Ryan Bailey.

Joining me today, looking suited and booted, it's Mr. Taylor Rocco. Hello, Taylor. Hello. I continue to be regretting putting on the suit jacket in the small, poorly ventilated room. We're going to see how long this episode goes and if I pass out during it. There is a certain level of decorum expected of an award show.

podcast taylor and we have all stepped up we're all jacketed we're all looking good if you're watching on youtube you will know that taylor does look like he's either going to break into the blues brothers or get his neuralyzer out it looks wonderful maybe both why not both We need a sequel to the terrible sequel. Let's make it happen. Look out for Carrie Fisher with that rocket launcher, Taylor. I do feel like I'm on a mission from God to award awards to Liverpool.

Well, more on that very shortly. Graham Rutherland's here. Hello, Graham. Looking sharp? I mean, not as sharp as Taylor. There's a weird vibe going on between all of us where Taylor is very much, he is dressed for the red carpet. Ryan, I don't know.

What are you like? Game show. I like a game show host. Yeah, magician or something. I don't know what I am, like used car salesman. There's a weird, it's not quite unified between the four of us. Yeah, but that's just Ryan's general vibe. Yeah. Left to do with the outfit. Ryan does kind of have a price.

his right aura about him doesn't he i never really considered that um yeah i want to be clear we all showed up in in normal show attire and ryan's response to that was ryan was also just wearing a t-shirt his response was i'm disappointed that no one showed up in a tux taylor said i can go put on a tux give me five minutes

I said, trying to lower the level, what if we all put on suit jackets? So three of us go and put on suit jackets. I did opt for a floral tie with a maroon shirt and a smoky bear hat just to really pull the vibe together. Three of us put on suit jackets, and Taylor does decide to go full on Mission Impossible. And just completely dressed to the nines. So I just want to establish sort of how this all went down and who's trying to show up who. That's all.

I mean, the reality, Joe, is I always have this on. I just usually cover it with a T-shirt, and then I rip it away when the situation requires. That's how you're always prepared for cocktail parties. That's a great point. Joe, you know how I met your mother? Barney had the pajamas that were a suit. Taylor sleeps in that too. Yeah, that's a show I've seen. It's not.

Good, good. Well, if you had seen it, you would know that you don't wear a baseball cap with a jacket, Joe. Goodness me. If you think that's the only fashion faux pas I have going on right now, you are sorely mistaken. He's not even wearing trousers. We're all wearing shorts. Neither am I. It's the summer. It's the summer. It's fun.

Patreon.com slash Total Soccer Show, by the way. If you'd like to support us and our sartorial efforts on our bonus feed, you get bonus episodes, bonus video, and access to our Discord server where we can talk about our awards and much more. much more coming to the feed this week we've had lots of good stuff about the usmnt and also

We're going to be talking about the American Player of the Year. Bonus category for our awards going to TSS Plus, the American Player of the Year. Gianluca Busio ain't going to know what here. We're going to have to get that award mailed out very shortly. Patreon.com.

Total Soccer Show, please and a thank you. All right. It is my esteemed pleasure to kick off the annual toties. Let's start off with the big one, Joe. Best team. Now, if I'm going to predict what Joe's going to say, is it going to be the one that won the Champions League or the one that he wishes was in the Champions League finals? One of those two, right? Both are on my nominees list. I have four teams on my nominees list that I think have a legitimate argument. But the argument...

I think is most legitimate when it comes to PSG, who win the Champions League. They obviously walk away with Ligo, which doesn't... Earned you a lot of respect in my book, given the lack of competition throughout that league. But PSG, with how especially they played after the league phase, colon, the phasing phase part three of the Champions League.

With how dominant they were moving through the winter, adding Kovar Eskelia to that attack, I think helps this team. And with how impressive they were in the Champions League as we got through the knockout rounds. that they go through the path that they did, taking down Liverpool in a really, really impressive series. They move through all the way to the final. And I can't get that performance out of my mind. And I think part of that is because it wasn't...

I guess it was at a left field to win a Champions League final 5-0 was not something that anybody expects. If there was going to be a team to do it this year... I think we all would have said that team is PSG. Best expected goal differential per 90 minutes among teams in the top five leagues in Europe. So that's 96 teams. And among those 96 teams across those big five leagues in Europe, they were the only team that was in the top three.

of those 96 clubs for expected goals for and expected goals allowed. Absolutely elite attack, elite defensive play. We saw that in multiple competitions and they win the most important club trophy on the planet. Sorry, Club World Cup. PSG is my pick. Yeah, I don't think there's any doubt that they're the best team in the world at the moment. Yeah.

Joe if only there was a world championship they could win to prove that fact in the next few weeks FIFA should maybe get on that idea but yeah they are they're the most complete team and Taylor I think it was You that asked on our Champions League final episode, like where do they evolve next? And I kind of struggled to give you anything besides maybe a goalkeeper who's potentially better with his feet. And that's because you go through each part of this team.

and everything is just functioning so well. Every player has a clear idea of their role. And even the centre-forward role, where for a normal team, maybe you'd say, OK, get an orthodox centre-forward.

Well, that would be the antithesis of what makes this PSG team so good, which is the fluidity, the interchangeability, having Dembele in that role. So, yeah, they are clearly, in my opinion, and I've held this opinion for a while, even before the Champions League final, they are the best team in the world. They also seem like the team that is least capable of switching it off. I don't think they can show up, which is...

Strange thing to say about a team that breezed through Ligon the way they did, but I don't think they can just kind of show up and not play their style, which is why I think at the Club World Cup they will still be a fun team to watch, because even if it is a relatively meaningless competition...

except with a lot of money at the end. I still think they're going to show up with a point to prove and kind of continue on from where we left them. And I think they'll continue on next season as well. They were my answer also.

Joe, who are the other three teams in your tier one, your four? Because I've got three. I'm interested who your fourth is that I haven't thought of. Yeah, I'm guessing it's Bayern Munich that is not on your list. I think Bayern, we didn't spend a whole lot of time talking about them this year, and I guess I don't...

fully know the reason for that. But we talked about Barcelona and Liverpool, who are the other teams in that, I think, top tier with PSG as the pretty clear number one. The Bayern were... excellent for a lot of this year maybe a little bit more defensively flawed at times than a team like liverpool or a team like psg

But they were dominant in the Bundesliga. They put together an impressive Champions League run only to be scuttled by the team that would go on to be in the final. I don't think this season was anything to be ashamed of if you were Bayern Munich. They didn't have the European success that I think would catapult.

pulled them into being an obvious pick in the top four but they were excellent this year I think got back to being the Bayern Munich that we know they tend to be after that blip from last year Joe my argument remains it is a lack of

Like a relative lack of Americans in the Bundesliga and with Bayern Munich. So you don't have as much interest on that front. You still have some Americans, but not as many. Combined with the lack of challengers to Bayern, most of the teams in that pack sort of fell off this season. did their usual thing and kind of like...

just kind of comfortably got through. So I equate it with how we didn't talk about a lot of PSG's domestic football, but did focus in on them in the Champions League. So I think that's why, because I share your estimations of Bayern, your thoughts on Bayern, and I'd also say that I was very...

questionable slash critical of Vincent Kompany in that appointment, and here they are winning the Bundesliga. He's won two league titles now, so I guess I should give a little bit of credit, even if I still don't feel like he is the solution for Bayern long term. They still did plenty of good stuff this season.

My thing with Bayern and the Champions League is just they kind of fell apart as soon as they ran into a team that was on their level. The counterpoint to that is they were decimated by injuries for that tie against Inter Milan. So we didn't really get a true gauge of their level. That's how...

But we can only judge teams on what we saw in the pitch and what actually happened rather than what might have happened in games. So they don't quite make it into my tier one. Just very quickly, I want to make sure that we put some respect on Liverpool's name because obviously they drop off after that period. Arsenal beat them didn't they? Over two legs. I mean, yes, sure, over one leg, yes. But it was a shootout, right? They beat him in the groups? They beat him in the groups?

The phase doesn't count. They were still building at that point. Put some respect on the phasening. I actually had forgotten about that game 2-0, right? Arsenal beat them in the league phase, so I take your point, Ryan. But Liverpool were a couple penalties away from knocking PSG. of this competition before they even got going really in the knockout rounds and Liverpool for the first

Well, up until that match, for the first two-thirds of the season, domestically and also in the continent in the cup competitions were absolutely unstoppable. The pace that they were setting was unreal. It was historic in Premier League terms. So I just want to make sure, obviously, recency bias is a thing with a couple of these nominations.

But Liverpool, over the balance of the season, were absolutely incredible as well. Here we go. Congratulations, PSG, getting the tote for best team. Let's go to another category, a massive one, best player.

So, Graham, I'm thinking among the nominees, we're probably going to have names like Mo Salah, Rafinha. There's a lot of buzz around AFC Wimbledon's Miles Hippolite this season, but I'm assuming there's one guy in Catalonia who might just take the biscuit here. Yeah, it feels somewhat wrong to say a 17-year-old has been the best player in the world for a season.

But when I think about moments no other player in the world could have produced, I think Laminya Mal has to come out on top. Barcelona are so reliant on him too. score and create and basically do everything from that right side. I think that clipped ball to the back post that he plays multiple times in a match is the most dangerous ball in football at the moment. He has scored some outrageous goals.

over the course of the season he's got that Arjen Robben quality of you know he wants to cut inside and curl one into the top corner but you can't stop him and when he did miss games this season through injury Barcelona weren't the same team so Congratulations, Laminya Mallet, 17 years old. You are the best player in the world. You have completed soccer, basically. Yeah.

Taylor, do you concur? No one really gets close, do they, this year? I do concur, ultimately. I think Mohamed Salah has a really good argument. To be the top scorer and, I believe, the top assist-getter in the Premier League, lifting this straight from ESPN, his combined... 47 goals and assists matched the record set by Alan Shearer and Andy Cole. They both did it in 42 game seasons. I believe he also attempted more shots, created more like third most chances, excuse me, in the league.

Completed the most dribbles of any player in the Premier League by a good margin. I think Jeremy Doku was second with 18. Salah was top with 28. So you have the best... dribbler, goal scorer, assist provider in the Premier League. I think that deserves a shout, especially when it ends up with them winning the league. But I think there's a pretty compelling argument for everything Lamine Yamal does. And it is that...

That individual difference-making ability when it seems like nothing is happening, he can somehow dribble through a triple team to find a way to score. And he has that messy about him in that way. So I was fully ready to give this to Mohamed Salah with an honorable mention.

to Scott McTominay, which is where I thought you were leading, Graham. But I'll have Lamine Yamal. That's fine. Save that for later. Wow. I did not expect this. I've had Mo Salah, and I don't know how close it is. Lamine Yamal authored some amazing moments this season.

I'm back on your team, Jack. Mohamed Salah had more than double. Maybe this is like me being way too of a proper football man and needing to be more of a watch the game and don't just look at the stats kind of guy. But Mohamed Salah had more than double. double Lamine Yamal's goal contributions in a harder league, and his team accomplished something more impressive this season in their league play.

47 goal contributions from Mo Salah, which assists and penalty goals, not all the way there. Even if you strip out his nine penalty goals this season, Mo Salah. He still leads every player in Europe's big five leagues, including players in Liga, where there is a larger disparity from top to bottom. Mosul still leads every single player across those 96 clubs.

and goal contributions. He started all 38 games in the Premier League for Liverpool this season. All 38 games. That's wild to me. He played over 800 UCL minutes in the Champions League this year. The guy was insanely durable. He was wildly effective on the field in a more difficult context to be those things than Lamine Jamal. I don't know when this Mo Salah decline is coming. It sure wasn't this year. And I do have a lot of respect for Lamine Jamal.

I think we have massively undersold Rafinha's importance to that team. I do think Laminemal is a better player than Rafinha. And I do not think that our discussion about him being the next Messi was hyperbolic whatsoever. I think Laminemal is an incredible player. I think he had a fantastic season. He was in... instrumental to everything that Barcelona did. Those are easy arguments to make. Rafinha had basically just as good of a season where he is contributing...

More goals, slightly fewer assists on that left side, and his chance creation numbers are a little bit lower. Emphasis on a little. He's also getting slightly fewer touches, but only slightly. So, Graham, I hear your argument about how instrumental he was to that team. I completely agree. But I think what Mo Salah did this year was more impressive. The age argument is the only one that I see for Laminya Mall, but that's not what this is about.

Salah was on course for the most productive Premier League season in history. And he did drop off a little bit towards the end, but his numbers are still absolutely insane. So he's absolutely on my list. He's right there as my number two. I just come back to that, what I said about Laminya Mal.

A player who does things that I think nobody else in the world can do. And I count Rafinha in that. Like, his numbers are insane. But Rafinha, the way that Barcelona plays, tends to have that little bit more of separation where he's in open space. Whereas Laminya Mal tends to have... like three players around them he has to dribble around them and then bend one into the top corner I remember there was an athletic piece by

I can't quite remember who it was by. I don't think it was by Michael Cox. But I found it very interesting about where Laminya Mal was taking shots. Do you remember whoever wrote this article had the line about the Steph Curry of football. Do you remember I mentioned that on a show once? Laminya Mal is setting a... new precedent in terms of where you can shoot from and realistically score.

I don't think anyone else can do that. Because Salah also has that Arjun Robin quality of cutting inside and not being able to stop him. But he tends to do it like five to ten yards closer to goal. And so, yeah, I stand by my Laminya Miles suggestion. I think he is. Just on the eye test, and maybe that's not the way to do it, maybe I should be looking more at the numbers. You put all these players side by side, like Laminya Mal is the most freakish of the lot.

It's interesting that one of those players was redefining soccer and the other one was scoring three times as many goals as the other guy. That's not even a slight at your pick for Lamin-Yemal, which I think is defensible. It just also might be helpful sometimes to shoot closer to the goal. It's Joe's highest praise, Graham.

To refer to your selection as defensible. It is. It's defensible. Yamal is trying to score that goal. Is it twice in the last few weeks where he's had that really acute angle and he's hit the bar? Yeah, he's trying to score that one as well. He keeps trying that one. That's quite close.

range but it's outrageous all the same can i put forward a left field candidate that i'm not realistically putting ahead of these two guys but i think it's had an outrageous season deserves some form of respect is that is uh vicinia nope nope i'm saving it i'm saving it for later

Yeah, right. I think he is... Oh, this is where Joe's going to jump down my throat again here. I think he is the best midfielder in the world right now. He's awesome. I'm not even going to argue with you on that. But I put him ahead of Pedri. I think Pedri's ceiling is higher. But right now...

Virginia, he's outrageous right now, Virginia. He is... everywhere he does everything I watched the Portugal Germany match last night and in a different team he was just the same player and there was a moment where he's out Germany think he's Ryan you were watching this game last night Germany think he's wasting time out by the corner flag and he just nutmegs a couple of the Germans

And he's away. He is ridiculous. And I know people have sort of put Ousmane Dembele forward as the star of this PSG team, the kind of Ballon d'Or player. I'd have Virginia as the player of the year from PSG. So I'm putting his name forward here.

There you go. All right. Well, I think we're agreed that the best player, though, if you look at Laminiel's Wikipedia page, I'm sure someone has updated the honours section that he's got a toti for 2024-25. Congratulations, Mr. Yamal, there. Let's get in one more category before we take a break.

Best Breakthrough Player. Now, this one is a broad church, I think, in terms of how the hosts choose to interpret what constitutes a breakthrough player, Taylor. But who would you have as your nominee? I will give you my nominee in a moment. I will say...

I was like trying in my head to make a compelling argument for the answer being Usman Dembele, as insane as that sounds for how long he has played and for how many clubs. But this was the first year I feel like he reached that level that we thought he could reach and really broke through as a...

next level player a potential Ballon d'Or winner and sort of the key figure for that PSG attack in a way that always felt like was more so oh everyone else is left so it's kind of his team by default and there were moments when he would reach really high levels but then it kind of felt like he never kind of kicked on from there and never became the figure and it does seem like that is who he is for this PSG team.

But given that he has been a professional for quite some time, I'm going with a player that has only been a professional for four seasons now, right? That's breaking through. It's Desiree Due for me because of... Just what he does in the Champions League final combined with how important of a figure he was for PSG, that Barcala ends up sitting because it's Due, Dembele, and Cavaradana is pretty noteworthy to me.

And we're talking about a player who is still very young despite having made as many professional appearances as he has at the age of 20 years old. I think he's just now 20. But he has... Two seasons with Ren in Ligue 1, where he plays 26 matches and 31 matches, respectively. He has zero the season before that, but I guess he turns pro in 2021, 2022. But those are all... sort of like...

Great individual seasons culminating in a 50 million euro move to PSG. It's odd to say that a player has to make that move and then play a great season to break through. But I think that he has become, if not a household name, he is much more of a name than he was at the beginning of this.

season. He is an incredibly important part of a team that just won the treble, including the Champions League. I think he will continue to be an incredibly important part of them and every other team that he participates in going forward. So this feels like the season in which he broke out as a world-class player.

he was top of my list as well taylor and you're absolutely right like it depends how you're defining this like he as you say had a 50 million euro transfer last summer so i don't know if that counts as a breakthrough player but last summer he was in the xavi simons simons category

of not entirely sure how to pronounce his name. Like we'd seen it written. He was a football manager wonder kid. I always used to sign him in that game, but he wasn't someone that we were overly familiar with. And now it's like watching Neymar.

being back and he's scoring a couple of goals in the Champions League final and he's just getting better and better with almost every match that he's playing. So yeah, Dewey is my breakthrough player as well. Only been playing for four seasons but of course he had in 1994 the single You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold Joe, that's a reference for Joe. It's been around a while. Joe, getting that one? Dude, that's my ringtone. How'd you know? Nice. Ringtone? Yeah, right?

Aging yourself there, Joe. These are great. Dewey's a great pick. And Dembele is actually a phenomenal shout, Taylor. I think that's a really, really good one. Could we on the fly, sorry, Joe, like redemption of the season? Maybe Dembele is redemption. Rafinha would be in there. He's got to fight Big Scotto as well. Yeah, that's true. I love the argument that you made there, Taylor. I'm really sympathetic to that. My top answer...

is Yar, Myles Lewis Skelly, but I think Desiree Dewey is a phenomenal answer. And might be the better one because it is really hard to find attacking players who can do what Desiree Dewey can do. And I would prefer to have one of those players on my team than Myles Lewis Skelly. Still, I...

I think it has somehow gone under-discussed how much of a unicorn this guy is. 18 years old, started 15 of Arsenal's last 21 games in the league, a ton of Champions League minutes in the biggest games of Arsenal's season.

Sent off in 10 of those games. Yeah, I mean, that's a pirate in him, Ryan. You can't take that out. He'd never set foot on the Premier League until this season, on a Premier League field until this season. Just came on so strong this year. I was really, really impressed with him as...

Basically an elite center mid who can also defend as a fullback. I mean, he's defending as a left back for Mikel Arteta, and that's how he breaks into this team because they needed bodies in that spot after all their injury problems in that part of the field. And...

All of a sudden, you fast forward three months and he's in possession as like a single pivot and build up and receiving the ball in tight spots and progressing play like he's been doing that his entire life, which I mean, he has. But to do it at that level and also provide some defensive contributions. The number of players on the planet that give you that kind of flexibility and that kind of production across two spots, I mean, it's crazy low.

The number of players on the planet that can do those things as a teenager is, you know, approaching zero. And Miles Lewis-Skelly is one of the people that makes it not zero. He's amazing. Truly. So good. Yeah, that's a great shout. Joe hadn't thought of Lewis Skelly, but he absolutely would have been on my list in a similar vein. Someone who has followed a similar career path, maybe not quite as good, but Nico O'Reilly for Manchester City, who is like...

Also, an attacking midfielder who's been used at left back for Man City has become a first team player for them. So he might make it onto my list as well. And then just a couple other candidates. Morgan Rodgers. These are all pirate names, by the way. Nick O'Reilly, Morgan Rodgers. These could all be pirates. I've got Chuck Sparrow next on my list. It was what a year for him it was. Anyone with a black beard? Brian Enbuemo. He's got a big bushy beard. Maybe he could be a pirate.

But Morgan Rodgers is on my list, similar to Dewey. We're maybe stretching the definition of breakthrough because he did join Aston Villa for like £50 million. Not January there, but the January before. But coming into the season, I remember previewing Villa and saying they needed a dribbly creative player in the 10. And Morgan Rodgers became that player for them over the course.

course of the season and then finally just over to La Liga so we're not overly Premier League centric, Juan Garcia I mentioned him on Monday's transfer episode He hadn't started more than one league game for Espanyol before this season, but he was outstanding for them. He's now off to Barcelona and Barcelona and Spain feel like they've kind of got a generational goalkeeper there. So Garcia, I think, deserves a mention. And Dean Hoyssen as well.

He had a great year as well. There we go. Lots of great nominees. Are we going to give it on balance to Douay? What do we think? Or is that recency bias? Not sure. He is the best player in this list. MLS is a true breakthrough player in that he hadn't played until this season. So if we're sticking by the definition, maybe it's him. But Dewey is an absolute star.

I think it might have to be MLS then because Joe stuck to the rules. Yeah. Compelling. I like it. There we go. All right, let's take a quick break. When we come back, we're talking about the best signing of the season, the best manager, the best goal, and much more. Join us then.

Right now at Matalan, get 20% off menswear and homeware. And yes, that includes luggage. That's the home, hymn and holiday plans sorted. Shop in store today or online at Matalan. I'm always up before the birds and the kids. Good thing Costa Express is always up too. Early starts are easier with great coffee. And if I grab one for Bob, I might even get some decent company. Large cappuccino for the bloke who's half asleep. Oh, you legend.

Now that's a proper coffee. Should kick in just in time for you to remember which end of the screwdriver to use. Costa Express. Quality coffee every time. Hello. I'm currently out of office. An article I read recently said we're more relaxed and more productive after a good break. So, I've gone to Barbados. For a month. For science. Yours, Toby. Take your holiday as seriously as British Airways holidays take your holiday. Atoll protected.

Total Soccer Show, welcome back to the annual Total Soccer Show end of European season awards. Let's go now to the best signing of the season. Hmm, Taylor. How do you feel about Nikola Milenkovic at Forest being among the best signings of the season? Forest could probably fit into a few categories. I think so. Maybe we're going to talk about it today. Why would you make that argument, Ryan? For Forest or for Milenkovic? For Milenkovic. Good.

Him and Murillo, good. Big reason for Forrest doing well. There you go. Perfect. That's it. Are we done? Should we move on? Sure. I think there's a very compelling argument for him and for Murillo and for Nottingham Forrest for many different categories. I did not have them, though. I had a...

name that Graham just said before we went to break. Dean Housen of Bournemouth. That's the one for me. Nope, not Scott McTominay. Sorry. Set you up, Taylor. You did, and I chose to avoid it just to annoy you. But no, Dean Housen is my answer. Born with Brigham in from Juve for around, I think, just under 20 million euros. And then he becomes a critical and important figure for that.

defense as they go on to finish in the top half which is not a thing I think many people expected them to do given the amount of talent in the Premier League and the amount of money spent and is such an ever-present fixture and is so strong that Real Madrid trigger his I believe 60 million euro

release clause he only just turned 20 in April so for Bournemouth to bring him in for under 20 for him to be basically every game starter and incredibly important player for them and then for them to make a 40 million euro profit in one season No small feat. That's a pretty good signing, in my opinion. That's really good. The three times value flip is very good in one season. That'll work. Scott McTominay also fine, though. Graham, go on then.

I have to shout out my adult son, McFratemi or McTerminator or whatever he's called these days. Player of the season in Italy, he was the driving force behind that Napoli team that very few believed would challenge for the Scudetto, never mind win it.

for me personally as a Scotland fan it's just been so rewarding to see him harnessed in a way that gets the best out of him as a player because that didn't always happen at Manchester United he cost 25 million pounds which now you would have to say is an absolute bargain so yeah for me and look I don't even think I'm

being overly biased here. I think he's quite clearly the signing of the season relative to the... expectations of a team if you take him out of that Napoli side I think they lose not just a lot of cutting edge but like spirit through the centre of that team he is very much Antonio Conte's guy in that team so yeah I'm delighted that he had such a good season

It's a great pick, Graham. He's at the top of my list as well. I didn't think, as I made pretty clear on the show, that Napoli were going to win the title this season in Serie A. And they don't win the title if Scott McTominay doesn't have the year of his life, right? 12 goals between him and Lukaku. They effectively replaced the production they'd gotten last year, which was, granted, a pretty bad season for Napoli. But last year between Kvart, Skelia, and Ossiman.

The attacking replication for Napoli is so impressive, and I didn't think that was going to come. from Scott McTominay. And that's what you're talking about, Graham, is the fact that he's been allowed to range further forward and to be such a pivotal player for this team in the attack with the timing of his movement, his physicality on the ball. He's also clever on the ball. I mean, Napoli don't...

make the history that they do this year without him. So I think he is my pick for this as well. I do want to take us in two other directions that haven't been mentioned very briefly. The first one, and I'm really tempted by this one, but we've given PSG a lot of love. Jean Neves, 60 million euros coming over from Benfica. It's a lot of money.

Not for PSG, but it's a lot of money. Becomes a starter in central midfield for them and plays a ton of minutes en route to them winning the Champions League. And what he does compliments Fabian Ruiz and Vitinha so well because he is... he's going to do the dirty work in that midfield, but he's not just going to do the dirty work. There's a moment in the Champions League final where he's just picking the ball out of the air and can also do some of the technical stuff as well.

He is the perfect third midfielder in that team. And I don't think this PSG team works nearly as well without him in that group. So he's on the list. And the other player that tempts me but came too late is Marmouche to Manchester City.

I think he is going to be awesome for a resurgent city team next year. How resurgent they are. I don't know. I'll worry about that in August, but for now, my motion, the impact he had in that second chunk of the season, he will come up one more time on my list. I'll just, I'll just put it that way. Yeah.

And not just in the second half of the season, Joe, it feels like maybe he should be a player of the year candidate as well, given what he did at Frankfurt. And he's just split over two different clubs in two different leagues, right? Where between the two, he scores 28 goals between the Bundesliga and the Premier League.

League so yeah he was on my list as well Jal Neves also on my list I remember exactly not to give myself too much credit but I remember exactly what I said last summer Joe I know you were very much on the Jal Neves hype train as well last summer I said every so often you feel it with a player that's just

guaranteed that no matter where they go, they're going to be successful. I felt it with Haaland, felt it with Jude Bellingham, felt it with Jal Neves as well. And the scary thing about him is that he can get even better. He can get more purposeful playing forward and affecting the game ahead of him. So this season, I think, is just the start for... Shaul Nevis at PSG.

Very good stuff indeed. Some very good candidates for best signing. Let's please, Graham, let's give it McTominay, shall we? I think that's the right thing to do here. Next category, most league titles won. Kvici Karaskelia with two. Next category.

Best manager. Hmm. Best manager. Joe, what are we thinking here? Maybe if I'm going to go back on the Nottingham Forest train, Nuno possibly for getting a team who expected to circle the drain to climb high in the Premier League. I suppose Lucho has to be in the conversation naturally as well. Yeah, yeah. Nuno's a tricky one for me because what did he do? Tell Chris Wood to finish better and they're...

defense to defend harder. I don't know. I've asked the wrong guy about managers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's on you. That's completely accurate. I've got to be honest. I have a four-person shortlist, and I really struggle to go in any...

particular direction. So I'm going to go with one that I don't think is quite right, but that I feel like doesn't get quite enough credit. So Lucho is on my list. The fact that he guided this transition into the post Mbappe era so well, he's got incredible buy-in from this team, a clear, clever system. There's a lot to like about Lucho.

Arna Slott's on my list, although I was higher than the rest of this crew as far as what Liverpool would do this season. I didn't think there was that much work to do. And Slott. I think, maintained things fairly well. But I do have some appreciation for what he's done. And Dona Iriola is on my list because of what Bournemouth had done this season. We give the Premier League a lot of love on this show, and that's because it is the European League that we spend the most time watching.

But it is also so hard to do what Bournemouth did this season, to be as high up in the table as they were for so long to still finish top half. In a league like that, it's very difficult. And Areola, I think, did an excellent job on the defensive side with creating a team that was... unique in the Premier League and really difficult to play against. But the man I'm going with is Simone Inzaghi because I love this Inter team. I've said that all throughout the season. I've said this in the past.

To get the oldest team in the Champions League to the Champions League final, to get the oldest team, one of the oldest teams in Europe, all the way into the title race in Serie A at the exact same time. is wildly difficult. For them to play the soccer that they do, nobody else in Europe plays quite like them. That gives them a genuine advantage when you look at how flexible they are between their possession play and their more defensive-oriented counterattacking play.

I think the fact that they can put on both of those masks and they could be the second best team or the second furthest advancing team in both of their main competitions this year, I just really respect it. And so I think when you look at this group of managers that I've named...

the one who has done the most with the least of this bunch in terms of the success, I think Inzaghi is my pick. Do I feel great about it? No, not really. But do I think he deserves some credit? Yes, I do. What did he win this year, Joe? Remind me. Joe's love. Yes, my love. That's right. That's all you need. That's all you need. All it took for Lucho to maybe win this category was to be running a club owned by a nation. So that's, I mean.

That's pretty impressive, right? With the highest wage bill in your opinion. Way to go. We should give him a pat on the back. Nice job. Yeah. So, I mean, I do think Lucho deserves his flowers for getting... Like PSG to finally make sense, to play coherent football, to have everybody on board with the manager's vision being the way that club operates. But I'm not giving it to Lucho because I'm giving it to Antonio Conte. Because Napoli, the past season.

10th in Serie A, 52 points. And if you told me that team is going to need a new manager, but also lose Ossiman, also lose Cavardana midway through the year, I would have thought, okay, they're fully rebuilding. They are retooling. They're not going to be...

competitive. And when you tell me like Lukaku comes in as the OC man replacement, I'm sort of like, okay, that feels very much like rebuilding. And yet Antonio Conte does Antonio Conte things. He gets the buy-in. He gets the system simplified. He gets everybody sort of understand. their instructions and their responsibilities and you get an incredibly cohesive team in which you also see elevated performances from, say, who's that Scottish guy you like, Graham?

Oh, Billy Gumball. Whichever one. Yeah. So, I mean, Anguissa looks as strong as ever, if not stronger as a player. Lobotka was excellent through the midfield. Buongiorno, is that your favorite player of all time, Graham? And you have to do the hand gesture as well. I apologize. So I just think, I think for Antonio Conte taking over that Napoli team that seemed so dysfunctional, had three different managers last season, and they go to win the Scudetto, it's him for me.

Yeah, Napoli very quickly became a reflection of him as a coach. They lose the opening game of the season. Who was that against Verona? I think it was Verona. It was 3-0. Verona, right? Yeah, they lose 3-0. I remember the scoreline. And I remember talking about that game on the show and thinking,

this is not going to go so well for Conte. And then the next game that they play, it's like, oh, and there's an Antonio Conte team. And some of it is intangible, right? Like, I'm not entirely sure how he achieves it, but Conte teams have this relentless drive. We saw that down the stretch where Napoli are grinding out. results they're difficult to play against maybe they don't score the most goals maybe they're not the most entertaining

but their difference makers are reliable. And that's like the Antonio Conte thing. He has success everywhere he goes, apart from Tottenham Hotspur. And so, yeah, he's top of my list for this category. Very good. All right, let's give it Conte. I think that makes the most sense for best manager. Congratulations, Antonio, who is staying on at Napoli, by the way. Seems to have made amends with the owner at Napoli. So good stuff for them. And KDB coming as well.

Well, that was the big gift that arrived on his doorstep to keep him sweet. There you go. KDB, I hope you enjoyed your catch-up while you had it. Best goal! Best goal. I've got a three-goal nomination list, and this is where I think a character that Joe mentioned earlier comes back in, possibly. So I think this one Premier League goal of the season, Omar Mamoush against Bournemouth.

It was only like a couple of weeks ago, wasn't it? There's some recency bias here, but it's just one of those hits that stays hit, as the cliche goes, long distance. My favourite kind of goal, I would argue, the long distance into the top corner. My other two nominees...

are Declan Rice against Real Madrid, the first one. And my other nominee is Declan Rice against Real Madrid, the other one. I can't decide between the two. I can't remember. Where did we land with this? The first one is... is more technically impressive but the second one is more aesthetically pleasing is that where we landed I think yeah because the first one was the one that bent round yeah Roberto Carlos had the bend on it but the second one technically as you say was

Well, essentially, he just smashes it in the top corner from about 25 yards out. Embarrassingly for me, there was one that I was like, it's definitely this one that's better because that's the one that I remember very vividly. That's the one that will stand the test of time, and obviously I cannot remember which one it was. I think I...

I now come around to the first one being the superior of the two because of that bend, because it's so unexpected. And if you watch it again, I believe Courtois also doesn't really do anything wrong. Like maybe you could argue you got to put one more person in the.

Maybe he's got to set up a little bit closer, but he is moving in the right direction before the ball is struck. It's just that perfectly struck with that much bend. The second one is lovely as well, but there's a little bit of Arsenal's wall moving out of...

the way at the last second to create that clear sort of shooting lane that is also going to contest the view of the goalkeeper. So there's like other factors to it a little bit. Whereas the first one for Rice, it's just a beautiful feat of goal scoring precision. Yeah.

The second one, it's got more narrative because it came so quickly after the first one. That's the one where Odegaard has his hands on his head. So I think that might be my favourite one, even if the first one is better, if that makes sense. any sense okay uh joe any other nominees for goals are you gonna go for marmouche marmouche is so tempting to me if i'm going for the the pure act of the goal itself i'm going with the omar marmouche goal you can tell it's a great goal

When the fans at the stadium are oohing and aahing on each and every replay of the goal on the video board, and they just saw it, like seconds ago, they saw it in person, and they're so moved by it that every time they show it, you still get the ooze. The city crowd, legit ooze. Three times after that goal goes in on every single replay. It's awesome. You go back and watch the...

the minute after the goal, it's an all-timer from Marmouche. I think it's like 32 yards out by my back of the napkin math, and it whips and dips underneath the bar. It's a delightful goal. If you're going just for the action of the goal, I would pick the Marmouche goal. If you're going for the moment intertwined with the goal, I feel like it's the little minimal goal against Inter in the first leg of that Champions League semifinal.

That's one of the ones that I think has already sort of been referenced on this show, where he spins around on the right wing, drives inside, cuts right, cuts left, scores with his left of the far post, and it's out of nothing. And Barcelona are already trailing in this moment, and it sort of was the moment that made me realize, oh, this...

This two-legged tie might be one of the best we'll ever see. And it was. And that is whether or not I'll actually remember it. I'm going to say I'll remember it. That's the moment from the tie I feel like I will remember. Although, again, to tease, I've got something else on that coming up shortly.

Yeah, I'd kind of forgotten about that. Or not forgotten about it, Joe, but when I'm doing this research, I hadn't made my list, but that absolutely should be in there. I've kind of got... I could go any which way with goal of the season, to be honest. You could convince me on any of the ones that we've talked about already. We've not talked about John Duran versus...

He's Everton. He also scored a belter against Bayern Munich where he lobs Manuel Neuer. But I don't know if... any of you guys remember this goal against Everton it's the one where it's kind of he hits it I think with his left foot and it's swerving away from the goal so it's Jordan Pickford and goal for Everton he just has absolutely no chance and it's like 30 yards out from goal so far out and it was in that period where he was coming

off the bench and just scoring every single time for Aston Villa so John Duran I think is possibly just about my pick but I've also got the Marcus Turan back heel flick against Barcelona is on there

Another Inter player, I've got the Lartaro-Martinez goal away to Bayern Munich where it's just all so quick and they come down the left side and then there's a little back heel flick from this time, again from Turam, excuse me, to set up Martinez and then the finish is like high into the roof of the net.

We've got Julien Alvarez in the Grand Derby against Real Madrid with a bender to the back post. And then this happened about a month ago. Antony against Espanyol in the last minute was an absolute. Cracker as well. It's not just the bend on it, it's the dip. It's like a missile. It comes down into the top corner. So that's on my list too. Yeah, that's very good. Che Adams score from the halfway line. Was it Che Adams this season?

F is dead. That's a remiss of me not to remember that. I'm sure for Torino he scored from the halfway line. But maybe it doesn't count in this category. Taylor, any others? No, those are my three. The two, Declan Rice and then Marcus Taram. I think I give it to the first Declan Rice free kick. But the Taram-Billy Baldwin goal is... Supreme as well. Very good. The best Baldwin as we know. That's why it's not a full Cruyff. It's like three quarters half as good as Cruyff maybe is the half Cruyff.

Half as good as Alec Baldwin is William Baldwin. Okay. That makes complete sense. Totally. Yes, we did establish that on feed, of course. I'm not sure we can call this one between the four of us. Why don't we do a little poll on our Discord, and the Discorders can decide the best goal of the season there. That's a good cop-out for me having to pick one from this list. How many random, like...

I can't believe you guys didn't mention this one from the J-League. No, but that's what I want because this is the one that I feel the worst about. This is the one where my research always lets me down. There's always a better goal. I think the Marmouche one might legit be hard to top. There's a few, there's going to be a few like crazy inbox finishes, right? Like a weird volley. There was, shoot, I don't know if it was Trussard or who it was this season that has like some crazy near post.

flick that then like chips up to the to the far post and goes in no like harry wilson for fulham i think was that was match the day's goal this season maybe that's what i'm thinking of so there's gonna be some good stuff that we get in the in the discard there's one there's one i saw that now i cannot remember but it's

a center back who does a standing scorpion kick which is definitely something i've never seen before like he reaches behind him and hits it with like the studs of his right foot and then puts it over his shoulder and into the back corner and that is an amazing goal i think it was in the brazilian league

maybe. That was a great goal by CCV. There we go. That's the one. That's who did it. That was Austin Trustee, actually. Sorry. Very good. Best non-goal moment. This is another broad category. Graham's got a little smile on his face. What's he thinking? I've got a smile on my face because I'm going to cheat here. I absolutely know what my moment of the season is. It's a goal, but I still think it counts because it's not the goal itself that makes the moment. It's the moment.

Is it? Yeah, it is. Can I guess? Was it an overhead kick? Was it on the last day of the season? Yes, it was. Is it that one? No, it's not. What was that? What am I thinking? I'm thinking of Scott McTominay winning. Me too. No, no, no, no, no. It's not that. It's not that moment. It is James Tarkovsky's equal.

with a last kick of the final Merseyside derby at Goodison Park. It's a good goal. It's a volley. It's not the goal that makes it the moment of the season for me. It's the fact that it's basically the last kick of the ball. In the final emergency derby of the season, all those fans crowding the pitch in the corner. It's at the Gladys Street.

And if you wrote that in a script for a film, you'd say it's too on the nose, it's too unrealistic. But it actually happened and that is the moment of the season that I will remember most vividly, easily. That's great. This category is called best non-goal moment. You had an opportunity to file that under best goal, Graham. So you're disqualified. Sorry. It's a moral victory, though.

Yes, you make a very good point. That was an excellent moment indeed with the context of Everton and Goodison Park. Joe, best goal? Best non-goal moment? Don't pick a goal. Yeah, the Napoli celebrations after that moment from Scotto, I thought... would be higher. They're on my honorable mentions list. I I'm yet to decide if my answer to this is the Barca enter two legs or if, or if it is more specifically.

Ray Hudson's call of Jan Somers save on Aaron Garcia where he just shrieks. I think the fact that that's the one that's gotten me the most in this moment means that it's my pick. It's in that 4-3 interwin in the second leg of the Champions League semifinal. And Barca counterattack, and it's none other than Graham's favorite player, Eric Garcia, who shoots on the break. And Jan Sommer leaps to his left and makes the save. Then there's like a one-beat pause.

And then Ray Hudson just absolutely lets it fly. It is one of the best moments I can remember of soccer commentary. It got me so good. I love Ray Hudson. That was a great moment. That's my pick. Do we think he was so stunned that it took a minute? Was it just the delay? Was he not sure that they weren't going to get a third chance and then score? Why do you think there's that delay, Joe, if you had to? Because I think he's doing a Jim Carrey reaction.

It takes him a second to... The arms flail before the lips move, I think, yeah. I believe he does commentary from Miami. He probably just looked down and there was a gator and an iguana having a fight or something, and that was... And then he was like, that's a metaphor I'm going to infuse into my commentary. Like whenever he's talking about Messi, a gator fighting after an iguana. The gators deliver Doordash in Florida, Graham. Well, their labor laws are loose.

Got to put them to use somehow. There you go. And they arise on fan boats, I imagine. Excellent stuff. Taylor, any other non-goal moments to continue? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think, like, I'm glad you said moments, plural, because I think I'm lumping all this together, but... I think for me, like the year of the trophy list winning trophies is how I will kind of remember this season. So I made this into sort of.

favorite moment, I guess, or favorite aspect of the season. And I think Newcastle winning their first silverware in a very long time, Crystal Palace winning the FA Cup. Their first silverware since the 60s, I think. Tottenham winning the Europa League, painful as it was for me. Even Liverpool winning another league title. I think I throw that in there, especially with the celebrations with their supporters when they managed to pull it off. You have Stuttgart with the DFB podcast.

in Germany, Bologna, with the Coppa Italia in Italy. So it felt like... Getting to see fan bases that don't always have their reason to celebrate is finishing 7th or finishing 9th and staying in the Bundesliga or staying in Serie A or staying in the Premier League. I think that so many teams had such strong...

seasons where they ended with silverware and seeing what that meant to their supporters the Crystal Palace one especially I think to see Palace supporters at Wembley losing their minds and I think that then made me even more excited Ryan for you to have the possibility to do that when AFC

Wimbledon end up winning in Wembley so I think all of that kind of connected together and made for a very memorable season yeah there was a stretch of about 10 days where it felt like a generational thing was happening Every day. In particular, I think it was two Saturdays ago, I just sat by the TV and I watched Sunderland win the playoffs. I watched Aberdeen win the Scottish Cup. I watched Arsenal win the Women's Champions League. Tottenham had won the Europa League like two days before.

So there were just incredible scenes after each of these victories. So that was going to be my cumulative nomination, Taylor, if Ryan had disqualified me for a goal being my non-goal moment of the season. We're editing this comment now. It's too late now.

You're done on this category, Graham, unfortunately. But I like that, Taylor. What should we call it? The best non-goal moment is the underdog victories for the season. Perhaps we'll give it collectively to that. I like that very much. Very good. All right, let's take one more quick break. When we come back, we've got a few more categories. The most surprising story of the season, the best kit, Graham's back in the game, and the best, funniest, poophousery moments of the season. Do join us then.

Right now at Matalan, get 20% off menswear and homeware. And yes, that includes luggage. That's the home, him and holiday plans sorted. Shop in store today or online at Matalan. Hello. I'm currently out of office. An article I read recently said we're more relaxed and... more productive after a good break. So I've gone to Barbados for a month for science. Yours, Toby. Take your holiday as seriously as British Airways holidays take your holiday. Atoll protected.

Total Soccer Show, welcome back to the annual Total Soccer Show End of European Season Awards! A few more categories to go through. Let's, Taylor, go to most surprising story of the season. And my... obvious nominee i'm sorry to say it is the plight of two clubs in the premier league majesty united and tottenham who basically finished how they would have if the league was alphabetical Yeah, I mean, I think that's a fair one to argue. Although I would say...

If you told me, like maybe I would have thought Chelsea had an implosion, another implosion in them. But like it's Manchester United imploding and having a bunch of players that don't want to play. It feels a little right. It feels sort of like on brand for them of late. And Tottenham. surprise then i think i did have tottenham finishing what third this year so that is that is maybe a larger surprise weirdly that they were not on my list uh the three that i did have did have in order of uh like

Three to one. Number three would be the lack of a drop off on a slot. I thought we would definitely see some sort of growing pains, some stumbling from Liverpool. I thought even if they started strong, they would have like a rough October or a rough November.

But they stayed pretty strong. They stayed pretty strong as a team. I think they're going to add plenty of talent this summer, even with the departure of Trent Alexander-Arnold. And I think they will continue to be a very strong team next season in the Premier League. So I did for the amount of drop-off I expected from them. have a bit of surprise.

In terms of an underperforming team, I actually had Man City as my second one because they have just been such a machine for so long. For them to have such a lengthy period in which they kept losing and drawing games in a way that just felt surreal.

It felt very strange to have a Manchester Derby in which it felt like either team truly could win that one. I haven't felt that way in a very long time about those games. And I think that is representative of a very odd season for City in which they have new players come in. It felt like they...

didn't ever really get their squad right. It felt like Pep was still trying to balance things and you had front office departures. And so I think their sort of slide in form and how their lack of consistency, which we always see them put together at some point, really stood out. And I think the most surprising story in the end was Nottingham Forest riding the ship and then some. The way they did it was significantly impressive. They avoided relegation.

last season by what six points i think they were 17th in the table nine wins nine draws 20 losses 49 goals for and 67 against and that felt for all the world like a team that were just thrown together and like hoping that you could make something happen with all of their different player acquisitions, and it felt for all the world like they were going to be in that relegation battle this season.

And yet they finish up having very narrowly missed out on the Champions League. They end up in the Europa Conference League, which I think they will probably be fine with, certainly would have been fine with at the beginning of the season. I think are only maybe slightly bummed about because of where they were heading into those final weeks.

More wins, more draws, significantly more goals, and like 21 fewer goals against. That makes for an incredibly strong season, a great response by Nuno's club. And I think Nuno does deserve some credit, though not. Maximum credit that goes to Antonio Conte. Great nomination. Like that a lot. Joe?

Yeah, I've got Premier League weirdness as my runner-up to all of this, and that encapsulates a lot of what Taylor said. This was a bizarre season of the Premier League. Man City crumbling, Forrest mentioned, Bournemouth having the season they did, Man United and Tottenham being even worse than we kind of thought.

or feared they might be. My top answer to this is Ajax blowing the title. 125th season for Ajax. Yay, really cool. Momentous occasion. They were en route to the title. Nine-point lead with five matches to go. Then they fail to win four straight games and PSV passed them over and the season is over. And there is devastation in and around Ajax. Like the scenes after they lose the title.

players absolutely despondent, pushing cameras away, like face down on the ground level stuff. The odds of that happening and the way it did were so incredibly low. It felt like this was going to be the year that Ajax came back and reestablished themselves. And it... It was until it wasn't, and the wildly improbable comeback in fall from PSV and Ajax respectively, that tops my list. All right. Graham, what surprised you?

Ajax is a good shout. Didn't have them on my list, but would have had them on there if I had remembered them. I've got three suggestions. Two have already been mentioned. Man City's collapsed. There was a period in the season where it was almost like, you know, gymnasts get the yips.

and they just can't do anything. It felt like there was a three-week period where Man City, it felt like they could play anyone and they were going to lose that game. Including Manchester United, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, and Manchester United were another...

team on my list just because if I think about that category title most surprising story I don't think I ever like Notting Forest have had a great season but they finished seventh could I envisage a season where they finished seventh yeah I could could I envisage a season where my united are like genuinely you're talking about them in potential relegation trouble for a couple weeks of the season and as bad as they've been since ferguson you look through their league finishes

it's seventh fourth fifth sixth second sixth third second sixth third eighth like it felt like there was because of their money because of their wealth there was like a floor for them and this season they just like completely fell through that floor in a way that has made me kind of

reconsider everything about that club but then my final suggestion who hasn't been mentioned it's not a team it's an individual is Rafinha and we don't have a redemption of the season a redemption arc of the season category so I'm going to make this my redemption of the season category I can't remember a player having a single season turnaround like Rafinha has had Barcelona wanted him gone they tried to sell him very openly he was Barcelona's Anthony

And this season he's got 31 goals, 17 assists. He is a genuine Ballon d'Or candidate. So, like, to go from there to there, I can't quite recall that ever happening before. Could you argue on a certain scale that Weston McKinney did the same thing, given that his future at Juve last summer wasn't secure? And now he's a Ballon d'Or candidate. And now he's not the same scale, but he is...

showing his utility very much. Certainly not the same scale. I give Weston his flowers for turning around his Juve career, but it doesn't quite make it into this category for me. It doesn't feel like you're giving him his flowers.

I've sent them already. They're in the mail. If he wins Club World Cup, though, then... Well, Ballon d'Or coming his way. Oh, no, Gianni's going to make it so that the winner, whoever the star player is of this tournament, is going to get the Ballon d'Or, isn't he? That's what's going to happen here. And who's going to present it, Graham? It's going to be that guy, isn't it? Yeah. The guy in the Panini album.

He's so shiny. Have we got consensus on a surprising story? It feels like the general Premier League weirdness came out on top a lot. Yeah, let's do that. Very good. Signed and sealed. Couple more categories.

Graham, this one's all on you. Best kit of the season. I will accept any nominees except Southampton Away, the pink and yellow, which I think is the most disgraceful kit that's ever graced the league. I will add before you go, I have one like... ready to go in the studio chat that I'm going to send. If you mention it, I'm going to send it when you mention it. If you don't, then I'm excited to share it. But I hope it ends up on your list.

Okay, so I've got a few suggestions. My number one is Ajax didn't win the Eredivisie. title but they did win my heart with their 125th anniversary shirt the long sleeve one classic kind of Ajax jersey it's got the the three X's I think is like the emblem of

Amsterdam? Amsterdam, yeah. So I absolutely love that shirt, and I bought it for way too much money because I felt it was going to sell out quickly, and it did. So that's my number one. How much did you pay? I'm not telling you. But it does have Ruffin on the back, right? And Dutch. Or Grameenio.

That one, yes. Van der Ruthven. Van der Ruthven. That's Van der Graeme, who I think was Eric Tenhaad's assistant for a couple of seasons. Anyway, a couple of honourable mentions. Juventus, their third shirt with the kind of horse. logo. It looks like the French kit from a few years ago that kind of like navy could be a polo but isn't a polo but then has like the old school logo and the old school Adidas logo as well, right?

Yes, the trefoil logo. So that's on my list. I thought Barcelona's away shirt was really nice. The black one with the kind of, what do you call that again? Iridescent, is that the word? Iridescent sort of features. That sold out very quickly. Haven't been able to get my hands on that one. And then finally, Leeds United's away shirt, the yellow kit that they have had this season, which when I watched, they are...

They won the title in the championship. When I watched the game where they could seal that title at home, it looked like everyone in Ellen Road had been, you know how teams will often give like t-shirts to fans for a special event and they'll all put the t-shirts on. Everyone was in yellow and I thought, oh, that was nice. Leeds have given.

them all like commemorative t-shirts when they zoomed in they were all wearing that away shirt i don't know if there'd been a message but i also read in soccer bible that is the third most sold shirt in english football this season when you consider the size of leads like they're a big club but they're not liverpool

or Arsenal or Chelsea or whatever. And that kind of tells you how that has been embraced by that fan base. So yeah, that's my list. But I like all shirts apart from Southampton's pink and yellow away one. So I'm open to suggestions that I might have forgotten. And the best shirt of all time, Manchester United's green one.

Sure. Yeah. We're never going to let that go, are we? Sure aren't. That's just my answer. I thought this category was shirt of the decade, and I had the green QR code. Oh, cool. All right, so Joe and I are on the same page because I thought the same thing, but I did have a few honorable mentions.

I wanted to give more love to Juve because I love that third shirt. The home shirt, I wish the stripes went all the way up the back. I know why they don't. It's for visibility and being able to see the numbers. But still, if they went all the way up and it was just the full black and white stripes, I would have...

given it 10 out of 10, their shirt for next season is going to get significantly lower marks for me. I really liked Monaco's home shirt, which has... like aspects that make it very similar to that ix shirt that graham was discussing except it's got the red like sash across of it or it's like half half and half diagonal but then they're away kind of all like

Dark green blue uniform. I really like that one, the combination thereof. I think that they all also wear super high socks, which is a look that I tend to enjoy. So I appreciate that from Monaco. And then here is my... Random nomination that definitely came from me Googling best kits of the season. I had not heard of Latina Calcio until this moment. A third division club in Italy who had kits inspired by the Odyssey by Homer. And they are some wild looking kits.

very into them. I enjoy the model who has the leather Greek skirt to go with it. That all from Graham is the sound of his bank account just losing 200 euros. I hadn't seen this before. Latino calcium. Calcio, third division club. Yeah, I like this a lot. The guy modeling this as well, the O could have been for him. He's the most handsome guy I've ever seen in my life. He's a very good looking man. Graham, do you need the mock sword that he's holding as well to pull this lid off and the leather?

Always. Yeah. The cuffs. Yeah. Wow. So that one's pretty awesome, I got to say. Okay, that might take the biscuit. I had forgotten about that Juve third kit, Graham. I'm holding it off the camera. It's got the horsey logo, as you say. I don't remember them wearing it, but it's beautiful. That looked very purple in your screen, though.

Is it purple? No, that was the one. That was the one. You can also get it on Classic Football Shorts for £40 discounting right now. Ooh. Graham's got an offer code, has he? I don't want it at all. What was that? Just my classic football shirts. I'm just telling the people because I hear all the time shirts are really... Ryan complains rightfully about that all the time. So if you like that shirt, you can get it for a decent deal at the moment.

Very good. That's a good tip. We've left out the best shirt of the season. not technically the European season, but why have we not mentioned Rail Salt Lake's a way shirt that pays tribute to the grid road system of Salt Lake City? It's so unique, such a great idea. famously inventing the grid system. Do you remember the explanation for this? We got lectured hard in the Discord about this one because it's about the grid in relation to the Mormon temple, right? And how you can like...

Do all directions in Salt Lake? Salt Lake City, I think, come from that, so you know where you are in relation to that temple, so it's the grid in relation to that, I think, is roughly the answer. But we definitely did a lot of mocking of the fact that they had a grid system and no other city did. When I don't think that was the idea. But it's fine. It's fine all the same. I'm not buying the explanation, if I'm honest. That's fine. They can mock you in the Discord. Very well.

Bring it Salt Lake. But it's a legitimately nice looking jersey. Nice try. Anyway, even if every US major conurbation has a grid system around which. The city is organized. Do we have any consensus? Latina Couch Show, should we give it them? Yeah. I think that's the right one. Why not? Yeah, let's do it. Very good. We are running long here listening, but we've got one last category, arguably.

the most important category of the toties, funniest moment, which can include moments of poop. A few nominations from me. Relatively recent one, Jamie Vardy. He's done a few things, hasn't he?

Is that what you're thinking of? Is it something else? Blowing the referee's whistle. That's the right answer. I hadn't thought of that. The blowing the referee's whistle. That is the funniest moment of the season. But I discount it a bit because he was arguably trying to know he wasn't. No, he wasn't. I'm arguing that he wasn't. No, he was not.

He was definitely like, here's a hilarious moment. I had Port before the game. Let me blow that one. Another one I very much enjoyed. I'm pretty sure it was this season. It seems like forever ago. Was it when Erling Haaland threw the ball at the back of Gabriel's head?

to Arsenal Man City. But then sprinted away so fast that Gabriel, because he pulls his shirt over his head in frustration, right? And then Haaland hits him in the back of the head with the ball. So he pulls his shirt down and doesn't know who did it. So you can see him be angry, but he doesn't know who to be angry at. So he just gets even angry. Greer at nothing. It's great.

My nomination overall, though, and this one is another one that could have happened a million years ago. There was a Chelsea Forest game near the start of the season where there was a brawl and Cole Palmer sat down on the field and watched it. rather than getting involved. Because Cole Palmer's my favourite player, possibly the favourite person in the world. So that's why he gets my play.

He is my nomination for just collectively the funniest moment of the season. The sitting down during the brawl, the Chippy Chips interview, the trophy in the shorts. Graham, I watched a clip last night. I don't know where it's from, but he's having a date. It looks like with a partner. And a waiter comes along and brings the food down. And he's like, oh, wow, this is great. Did you make this? And the waiter's like, no, monsieur.

No way. He's a low-energy Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation, where he doesn't seem to have any understanding of how things work, but also is never inhibited by that in any way.

Do you remember the one of him showing how he's able to go out in public? Because he goes to carnivals and fairs and goes shopping and stuff. And he was like, oh, it's very simple. And he does the little elementary school kid thing of puts the hood up and then pulls the drawstring so it's super tight and you can only... see like his nose and eyes and it but like was very seriously like it works every time it's like this guy is the best yeah

I remember him sprinting through the crowd at Stamford Bridge to apparently get some shoes rather than inviting the guy with the shoes into Stamford Bridge. But see, it's that lack of pretension that I think is so important to Cole Palmer being an enjoyable player. I will figure as opposed to somebody that I loathe. It's the logic of a man who would put a trophy in his pants rather than hold it in his hand because he's got no pockets. That's the logic that's being employed there. What a guy.

What a guy. He's the answer, right? Are we all on the same page with Cole Palmer being the answer? I have one more nomination, but I am fine with Cole Palmer being the answer. Like, I thought about this, and I think those moments, like, the Vardy one, like, made me chuckle a little bit, but the one that, like...

made me happy for the length of two fixtures was Giuliano Simeone remembering who he is and remembering where he came from. Do you remember? I think it's the Madrid knockout round where he just goes full. Diego Simeone combined with Atletico Madrid, it is clearly in his DNA in multiple ways, but just the level of housery, how often he was trying to sell contact, how often he was kicking the ball away, and just leaving a foot in when he didn't need to and making contact.

and just trying to annoy people. But then to see his father on the touch lines, just like, yes, yes! It was just this, like, this is my favorite thing. That he is balling out and playing really well, but also remembering who he is. and where he comes from at the same time. It was the perfect blend, and it made me very, very happy for the entirety of that knockout round.

I remember that, Taylor. I also remember there was a game where Atleti completely robbed Barcelona at Montjuic before Christmas. And you know how Simeone does the sprinting down the tunnel thing at full time? The camera catches him sprinting down the tunnel and you can hear him cackling laughing. laughing and like whooping as Atleti have just stolen three points from Barcelona. So a couple of... Just a proper villain laugh. Yeah. Roll. Oh, that makes me so happy. There we go.

Can I bring a, just finally, can I bring a poop house moment? What? Hey. He's got that to look forward to. A poop house moment. Ryan, you mentioned the... The Haaland-Gabriel moment with the ball into the back of the head. Connected to that is then Myles Lewis-Skelly, second mention on this episode, doing the Haaland celebration when in the, not the return fixture because it wasn't a tie, but Arsenal.

at the Emirates absolutely smash City he scores and then he does the Haaland celebration because Haaland had obviously reeled them up good in that first game did he not tell them to stay humble or something like that they played humble by Kendrick and they played humble at the end of the game yes so that was a good put

That was a great one. That was the humble game, indeed. Joe, anything more? No, Cole Palmer as an entity is the correct answer to this. I sincerely hope that we get another decade and a half of Cole Palmer and that he never changes. There we go. Maybe we should just rename the Totys next year as the Cold Palmer. The Palmer's Door.

Or at least this award, like how MLS has every award named after someone, like the Landon Donovan MVP award won by Lionel Messi. Awesome. We should have the funniest moment of the season award be the Cole Palmer award. The Cole Palmer.

Best funny moment of the season. It is canon. Thank you very much. Offer code Graham. Hey, I'm the only one. That is the annual Total Soccer Show End of European Season Awards. Thank you very much for joining us on this one, listener. And thank you very much, Taylor Rockwell, for looking so sharp. You are so sharp dressed that ZZ Top would write a song about you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I got to grow the...

beard a little bit more. The Cole Palmer No Pockets Award next season for best performative use of silverware in a celebration. I think that's the title we go with. I mean, I think Emi Martinez might have something to say about the name of that category. Hey, that's Manchester.

United legend, Demi Martinez. Thank you very much. Sure. Good job. Graham Martin, thank you very much indeed for your nominations and your inspertise. Inspertise? Inspertise? That's insight and expertise combined. Wow. Just let me say thank you really. Anything more? Cheers. Joe Lowry, thank you very much, sir. Thanks, Ryan.

Thank you very much indeed, listener, for joining us on this here episode. If you enjoyed it, please stick around, like and subscribe. Five stars in the ratings, et cetera, and so on. Total Soccer Show is out for another episode. Bye! We'll be right back. Right now at Matalan, get 20% off menswear and homeware. And yes, that includes luggage. That's the home, him and holiday plans sorted. Shop in store today or online at matalan.co.uk. T's and C's apply. Selected lines only.

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