Hey, guys, I have to remind you wherever you're listening to this podcast to make sure that you rate it, but rate it five stars. If you're gonna rate it four stars, you know what, don't even bother five stars. Please also subscribe. That matters. Subscribe and rate but rate high. What's the first thing you ate when you got out of prison?
Shrimp from Costco?
Shrim from Costco. Eddie buys seafood from Costco?
Well, salmon all the time?
They pasha psha.
Shut.
Hey y'all, it's me Daniel Tosh and welcome to Toss Show. Hope everyone's buckled up because today is gonna be one heck of a ride. Sorry for the language. How you doing, Eddie?
I'm doing pretty good. You sound a little different though today.
You think I saund yefferent. Well, I mean we're recording a little earlier. This is just maybe this is my morning groggy voice. I'm sure it'll it'll work its way through. What'd you do this weekend, Eddie?
Yeah? I just hung out of the house, had some friends over.
You had friends over? I didn't come over?
Yeah, I must have.
Yeah, it was a fucking bullshit, man. I had friends over. Like whole crew of people I don't know about. All right, you know what I did on Friday, Uh, I went to my son's preschool and I passed out twenty one that's how many people are in this class. Twenty one index cards where I wrote a clean, funny joke that a four year old would laugh at, and I gave them to the kids and I told them they he needed to practice their joke over the weekend. And then
on Monday, I went in. I had built a stage, a little backdrop and made him a little comedy club their preschool, and I was going to teach him how to do stand up. And they were so excited, and I got a microphone and everything like that, got a little stool, put a little uh uh kid's water bottle on this on the stage, and you know, I had them do say funny things too, like uh, I'll be here all week try the chicken fingers. Yeah, we did. They just like to hear their voice amplified. But here's
the thing. Every one of those kids memorized their joke. They took it seriously, Like their parents told me. They're like, oh, our kid was working on his joke all weekend. And I was like, oh, that's great, And I was just you know, showing them that every but every kid hears all the time that they can be a doctor or you know, a firefighter, but you know they might not be brave, or they might be dumb as shit. So you need to know that there's another option. And that's
why I introduced him to comedy. It was it was fun. Everybody my son did well heroes play his joke?
Why I did it? Both like say, how doing no?
Why?
Okay?
You wanting to see a butterfly man? You want refurn.
It just holds up by the way. I didn't charge these kids for my expertise. No, but but there are these comedy classes. And you know, if anybody ever talks to me about stand up there, what do you think of these comedy guys? I think they're ridiculous. I don't think anybody should pay money to learn how to do stand up because to me, that was actually the fun part was trying to figure out how do I do this.
I'll tell you here's a story. Some people waiting. I know the first time I did stand up it was not in a comedy venue, meaning it wasn't even a comedy night I just looked in the paper in Orlando, uh, and I saw open mic, and because I was thinking everything open mic means stand up, I'm going to go to this. And I went. There was like a little jazz club and they were just having musicians go up and perform all night. And I was like, oh, no,
I made a huge mistake. So I was like, I don't think I had already signed my name on the paper. And then I went over to the guy and I said, hey, uh, I messed up. I thought this was like comedy. He's like, well, what are you going to tell jokes? And I was like yeah, I was just gonna go up and till he's like yeah, that'd be great. I just just do it. And I'm like okay. So there's this night of bad music and then they stop to have me go up
for a few minutes and do horrible comedy. Anyway, So the point is I never took a comedy class, and it's a week until but I just you just learn, you just figured it out. So like, yeah, that's I did comedy the wrong venue. And then I was like, oh, I should look for places that are doing comedy, and that's the open mics I should go to.
I worked out for Yeah.
And by the way, if you're somebody that's like, oh, I signed up for a comedy school and it helped me, then all right fine. But I just don't think it's a necessary step in learning how to become a comedian. And I do say this to everyone. If you wanted to get into stand up comedy, it's a it's you'll get better. It's not like, oh, my goodness, only the funny people do well in stand up I know tons
of very successful comedians that aren't funny. And opposite, I know tons of very funny people that are very poor stand up comics. All right, ed, you got any videos for us today?
I do have a video you do? Yeah for people just listening. Check out our YouTube channel for the link.
The fuck was that? I hope we got paid for that, Eddie. All right, let's see what we got here. You know this should be next year's Super Bowl halftime show. Is this, Hamilton?
No?
I think this is a fire festival.
I see what you did. I see what you brought me back? The fire festival? You remember that? Huh? More like liar festival? Am I? Right?
Hey?
Guy? Conned everybody? Oh? Man, Well, you're in luck. Today's guest has been in prison for the past four years for producing the worst concert ever. Enjoy Pasha, my guest today, is the co creator of the Greatest Music Festival. He was the star of two very popular documentaries, and he was sued for one hundred million for spending millions of your parents' money. Our first convicted felon. Uh whoo, please welcome Billy McFarlane.
Thank you, Daniel.
Let's get right to it. But this is the first question I asked all my guests, How was jail really terrible?
I did ten months of solitary confinement, seven for trying to do a podcast from the payphone. So it feels a while to be in Los Angeles with you doing a podcast and not in solitary.
So wait, hold, you were put in solitary for trying to do a podcast.
For seven months. Now.
Isn't the goal in jail to get your own space?
So on some level they at smart to me. There there was a guy who got into a shootout with the police and he lost his culling. He was named Bags because he didn't have a bag.
Uh huh.
So they made him my cellmate and solitary confinement, so every thirty minutes, the toilet was probably a foot and half of my bed. They had to be used, So yeah, they found a way to make it worse.
How'd the podcast doh coming out of prison? Just curious? You get a lot of subs.
An hour after the trailer came out. They just like some beefy guard came to myself like McFarlane, get your ass over here, and that was the That was the end of it. Thing didn't go much further than that.
You're you're a large man, rightly large. Did you like do anything to yourself to make your image look a little tougher when you were in the clink?
No, My glasses were like really crooked because you couldn't really change them out, so I look like a super nerd. Everybody thought I was a pedophile until they asked you before name.
Well, just because you had glasses on, that's that's the look of a pedophile.
A white guy. I don't know about you, but a white guy in jail with no tattoos and all of his teeth usually you're a pedophile.
Shit that there's the tell. All right, let's talk, let's the how.
Long were you in jail four years four exactly like plus your minus a month.
Well, wouldn't you know?
Four years and a month and a half. But who's was it?
Was it four years a month and a half. Yes, I mean that's a long.
Time, long time. I lost half my twenties. Deserve rely so, but yeah, so I'm trying to catch up.
I'll look at you so you you feel like you deserved.
It, absolutely deserved it. Totally messed up.
Now, I don't know enough about this situation to think that you completely deserved it, because in my head, you were seeking people to invest. Tell me where I'm wrong, seeking people to invest, and like all investments, sometimes they work out and sometimes they don't.
So where I went wrong was I told investors we were doing far better than we actually were. So I liked to the investors. But people don't know is even if the event worked, I still would have gone to jail like the event we actually tried. So the scam wasn't the event. The scam was melyned to the investors.
So even if it would have gone off completely without a hitch.
I'm still with bags and solitaries.
Are you? Even if it was profitable, it was profitable even it was profitable.
Like if I tell you, hey, Daniel, you know I have ten million dollars in my bank account and give me a thousand bucks, And even if I returned to you two thousand dollars, still lied. I don't have ten million on my account after last night.
So what do you say to people they call you a con? I mean, is that that's not what you set out to do.
I've been called so many things like that's the only thing I don't like.
That's the only thing you don't like.
The other think I don't like. Everything else is like, yeah, I've fucked up in so many ways. But but you weren't deliberately trying to conn. It wasn't like this great con. I don't want to get over on people. I think I'm obsessed with trying to give people a good time and bring them together, and I'm childish in a even a lot of stupid things try to make it happen. But the intention is good, but as it doesn't make the crime.
Okay, did you have to get authorization to leave the state of New York to travel here today? And am I responsible for you?
Yes? To all the above? Had permission Daniel Tosh's name always secure as the deal there and yes, you're responsible for all my behavior, so.
Total hypothetical. I give you ten million dollars today, all all through legal means. How long before you could double it?
I I probably can double it. Oh god, I probably blow it in like three weeks.
Oh that's not what I want. Tones, that's not what I wanted to do.
Give it to me. I'm not going to jail.
No, what do your parents do?
They live in New Jersey, so very regular family. They do real estate.
You grew up in New Jersey. Do you feel that had something to do with the fact that you ended up in prison?
I think I'd proved that all New Jersey people weren't terrible, But I think I proved it to be.
True nurture versus nature couldn't escape. Yeah, I mean, it's not your fault.
It's not my fault.
In New Jersey, you're gonna end up.
You're boring the art pit, You're gonna you're gonna end up someplace gross, like.
Was it prison? It was a minimum security? What's going on?
Started a minimum security got in trouble twice. I flew on con Air three times where they shackle you end an airplane that was kind of wild.
What was it? Just an airplane full of criminals?
Criminals shackled by the ankle?
Is your hands shackled?
Here?
And then they put me on a bus for seventeen hours from Oklahoma to to Detroit, Michigan. Shackled so you couldn't pee for seventeen hours. That was kind of brutal.
And you and you didn't pee?
No, you, I mean you're literally shackled.
They don't they don't care if you pee yourself.
I guess not.
How did you survive that?
That's kind of brutal, Right.
It sounds, it sounds. I mean it's worse than.
I fell asleep on the shoulder. They got next to me, and I woke up and said, hey, what did you do? He goes, I made bombs like, oh, maybe I'm not going to sleep in your shoulder anymore.
Did you meet anybody in prison that was convicted of murder?
I didn't mean some murderers?
Yes, that was your relationship with jaw today existent Yeah? Yeah, how did he get off completely? Did he what was the ramifications of his role?
I don't think anything that's weird.
That might be the first time in history that a white, white collared guy goes to prison and then the black wrapper free as a bird.
He was a little smarter. He'd gone to jail before, so he knew the inner workings and how how the system went down after that.
All right, should we get into the fire. Let me just get into the festival. You were twenty three when you organize the fire festival? Who in the fuck gives a twenty three year old that kind of money?
I think this is the most embarrassing part of the story. Most of the investors had backed me for four or five years, so they'd seen me go through little winds and little losses along the way, and I violated their trust when I said, Hey, this one's gonna be the biggest, Like, yes, I was right, but I was wrong about how big it was going to be.
So, I mean, I just feel like they're the ones that are fault. I would cut a check to a twenty three year old is just grossly negligent on their port.
So you're not going to give me the ten million dollars.
No, you're not twenty three anymore now, you're now you're how old are you? Thirty two? Yeah? All right? I'm just background for me. Don't enjoy going to see live music. A festival seems like a nightmare to me. The best festival in the world versus what you tried to put on to me doesn't seem that different. Yeah, you're shitting outside at accommodations are garbage.
I've only got to one music festival in my entire life, which was a red flag. Went to Coachella one time.
Did you enjoy it?
Now? It sucked.
It's hot, but the women they dress so so.
I wanted to meet this girl and didn't work outside a bad time And that was my only music festival ever, and from that I thought I could do. Fire makes a lot of sense. Do you see the press they're not selling any tickets.
This year at Coachella.
Yeah, it was all over the news and I don't care buying it. Yeah, I know I've done Banu really did not.
It's awful.
Will you perform at Fire too?
No, but I'll let you say that I'm going to be there.
That's so sad.
You do that thing where you used to like lineup subject to change and you can you promote me, but I don't show.
Up first headliner an now it's Daniel Tosh.
I don't know that I would sell I don't know. I think I would move the needle for you at the festival.
You know what I saw yesterday is you're special saying that no one ever is sad in a wave Runner. I couldn't relate more. So I feel like you have to do that at the fire festival?
Are you so you are going to do a second?
We are?
We are Jesus? Why not start small, smaller and not go like swing for the fences here?
I just like want to create an incredible experience, but I also want to pay everybody back.
What I owe. How much do you owe?
It's like between twenty six and twenty eight million, kind of changes by the.
Hour, So you do still have to pay this back?
Yeah, every month, I literally have to give a check back to the investors. And then they get a percentage of all the business revenue too. So you know a fire too makes one hundred bucks like a percentage that goes back to them.
Is there any way that you could be free and clear and one big festival?
It'll probably take like three or four festivals to pack. I have partners, so, like, you know, our own significant pieces of it.
So yeah, did you ever, in your wildest dreams think you'd be in the whole twenty six million dollars.
I think it's just past the point of like being tangible, right, It's just so much so it's at least for me.
I always think, like I always hypothetically like, if I'm playing with a deck of cards, do you gamble?
Not really?
I like, well, like pretend, yeah, I go, Okay, I'm gonna put two million on his hand, and then I lose, and then like, well, let's play, I'll put.
It if I lose, just becomes thirty million.
If you lose and be good, well, I just I'm just wondering if you're like, you could just double your double.
Down if you give me the twenty eighth to try to play with.
If I gave you, if I give you twenty million dollars, you would put it down on a hand.
No. Never, I wouldn't let you give it to me.
I want to go to cut you a cha. Well I don't. You don't go to jail if I cut you a check for twenty five million dollars and you find a casino that takes your action one hand A black Jack to become even.
I would like not be able to sleep a fellows. You. Well, let's let's let's say you don't win fuck anybody ever, Let's.
Say you win. Yeah, you pay back your debt. You're at zero. Now what do you do with your career?
I'm still doing fire too. I just have to do it and have to show people, like what the dream was?
I mean, whose dream are we talking about?
I rented an airstrip in New York like two months ago and did a concert on the airstrip and took people up in a plane that probably shouldn't be allowed to fly for zero gravity flights, and that worke rely well, so I convinced myself that you can just go bigger now, I.
Mean, just you're so ambitious and it hasn't hasn't dropped off? Yeah, I mean, are you slowing down as you're aging? Do you feel like, Okay? Now I've got a better perspective on things.
I went to jail, like totally broke, lost eighty five percent of my friends, and I'm just like so scared of being that powerless again. It just fucking freaks me out.
Eighty five percent of your friends, Yeah, I don't even know what that means. If I lost eighty five percent of my friend is that I lost two friends?
I mean I probably had ten and now I had one and a half after it's a lot of it if.
All you need is two friends, Yeah, it seems pretty much. How is that with your parents?
Super upset? That's the hardest part. Family just gets unfair punishment.
Yeah, that's a tough one. But they still supported you or no.
I mean it's tough. They're embarrassed, right, It's like your son is a total fuck up, So it's hard.
I mean, I'm part of me would be like that was pretty pretty balls. Yeah, a big, big swing.
I gave him those balls, honey. Yeah.
At what point were you like, I can't stop this and you just had to wait for the wheels to fall off.
I was at the festival the first thousand people had arrived, and my like number two at the company came up and said three people had died. It was not true at all. No one was hurt, and he had told me these elaborate stories about they were one got bit by a pig and bled out, two got shot, and like none of this is even remotely true, And at that point, I'm like, okay, let's turn these planes around and get everybody home.
Why did someone tell you in the first place that three festival goers died.
They probably thought that was the only way to get me to stop it. So they're like, what's scare Billy?
And oh tell them that they were okay. So they were like, listen, this is bad.
Yeah, he just isn't listening.
But somehow you conned all the like the world's hottest models to promote this thing and then and that made me laugh, uh because it's not funny. That couldn't have been hard. But but but do you think do you think they'll be back?
So prior to messing up the big one, we did like twenty mini fire festival trips that went really well, and I think that's what created all this like marketing hype. So I want to get back to what I'm good at and just like get help to do it, do it right. But yeah, I have no idea who's gonna be there, but people are gonna have one.
You're like, Pete Davidson, is that good or bad? Well, it just been good and that just like you. Somehow, I don't think my Dick's that big, though, I don't. I bet wouldn't it be great if his penis wasn't that big? Yeah, you're like, this guy's just sweet. Did you have a who's your who's your favorite model? That you got to come out?
This is a dangerous question.
Are you in a relationship?
Uh?
Yeah you are. Yeah.
Somebody fell in love with you while you're behind bars right before. Oh and you made them wait for you.
Yeah, that's kind of fucked up.
That's messed up.
Yeah, that's wrong.
I think no, okay, but you're in a serious relationship. That doesn't matter. In a relationship, you can still have a conversation. Who do you think is the prettiest model? Out of a list of models that I just read off?
I think Bella was the most fun. She just did the most like cool activities.
That wouldn't be my pick. Who do you like rad Jakowski? I think I think she's really pretty. It'd be funny too, to get some of these models, the same models that now they're you know, they now they're old. They have lived life. Yeah, fire festival too. They got their kids with them, Yet their kids are pulling at their legs. They're like, mom, put something on, put a wrap on at least by the way, I'm just guessing that you watch the documentary I have not. You honestly have not watched.
No, I can't do it.
I watched one of them.
I'm sorry for you.
No, it was it was enjoyable. W I mean, I watched which one did I like? Which one?
Did?
I watch? Eddie do one on Netflix that has the guy in Netflix? I watched the guy one on Netflix, the guy that Yeah, that said he had had to blow the guy at customs, which I don't know if he actually did or didn't, but I found him delightful.
So do you know how I found out about that story ever happening?
Huh?
A person guard comes up to me and goes, hey, you can tell me, did you force him guy to blow someone for official government officer to or at least water accustomed? Like? Wait?
What?
Like? I had never heard about this ever happening until the police officer tried to question me.
I can't believe you didn't watch you are you think you'll never watch one of those documentaries? How in the world I don't believe you.
I would just get so mad, and of.
Course you'll get mad, But why wouldn't you watch it.
Because it would take away from the real plant, right, I fucked up? And just because like someone said, it did something in there and not be true, like it just I'm not mature enough to.
Yeah, but I don't think you're mature enough not to watch it.
I am.
That's crazy to me.
I'm just scared. They all watched it in jail one day and I went outside all alone in the rest of the jail. They's not got a USB drive and they watched it on the TV and I'm outside alone.
Like, who's one did they bring in the Netflix once? Yeah, that's the better one. Yeah, So were you in jail when that came out? I was did they try to reach out to you, like for some any reporters or anything a little bit?
It was kind of a shit show, but it was.
It was It was where were you in Ohio?
That one? I was in New York and then I went to Ohio and then right outside Detroit, Michigan.
What's what's the best state to be in prison in?
I like the Detroit one the most because they're probably the most like gang bangers there, so they were more concerned about them and left me alone.
Let's see. So Detroit.
There's another win real, real, real problem story about left Billy do nothing in this.
Where was the food worse prison or the fire festival?
So probably probably the fire festival. In jail, I had a great Mexican cell mate. He didn't really speak a lot of English, but he cooked me casdias with a clothes iron every day, so he like still a clothes iron from the laundry room and would girl case is in our cell They're pretty good, unbelievable living large.
Good gig, did they Was there any entertainment? Do you like put on any shows for you?
People fighting, people getting high and like collapsing. That was kind of the daily daily.
And did you fight to ever?
Not really, no, I'd watch.
Did you have to cheer?
Did you have to cheer for the white people sometimes? Yeah, that's kind of the problem. I would cheer for the wrong guy and they would get mad.
Yeah. Man, everything about Jill stresses me.
It's terrible.
Did you do a lot of crying in prison?
A little bit?
I would cry all the time.
The toughest guy, they would cry a lot. So they made me feel like it was okay.
Is that what she needed? You needed? Validation?
Yeah?
For sure.
When the guy has killed more people than I than we talked to him. Was there crying every night? I think it's a pitocray.
Well, he's got stuff to cry about, got demons in his ears.
He had a video he chopped the guy's head off with a machete and he played soccer with his head. And you're allowed to have your like legal materials, so that he would joke you with a video of his charm.
I thought you were in a minimum security prison.
This is in the Brooklyn Detention Center. So it was all, oh, my, yeah, so yeah.
What's the first thing he ate when he got out of prison?
Uh? Shrimp from Costco?
Oh Man, shrimp from Costco. Eddie buys seafood from Costco.
Well of salmon all the time, Sham and there, Billy, They're.
Great, big slabs of salm and just just and then he gets the kit for the caesar and I'm just like, oh God, we're all gonna shit ourselves.
My family gave me a Timberlain wallet with two hundred dollars and twenties in it and said you're good to go. So couldn't really get that far.
Oh when you got out, got out?
So hence the costco shrip. I really wanted to tell.
You, did you get up the Do they give you the bag of like the of the stuff that you had on your persons when you walked in?
Yeah?
They do?
Oh no, no, no no, they give you the bag of what you had in jail, so a couple of like sweatpants and notebooks.
What misconceptions do people have about jail that you're like, Oh, that's not the way it is.
I think as a kid, you're taught that they are good people and bad people. I think it's like not true. There's probably like two percent of the population who are actually psychopaths, and everybody else is just somewhere on that spectrum of doing something stupid in their life.
And uh huh.
I think most people were like good people who just didn't have opportunity in life, and like they saw drugs and got fifteen years for it and now they're stuck, right, But it's hard to hard to blame some of them. No, I mean, how desperate you are, how bad your circumstances are often lead to going to jail. But most people and they're actually not bad. And that was a huge eye opener.
My normal first question that I asked everyone, do you believe in ghosts?
No? Do you know.
Top five favorite Billy's.
Wave Runner Billy number one, pretending like I know how to fly? And scary people in the back of the plane number two.
No, no, no, no, I don't know the funk. You're talking about? Famous people named Billy, Billy the Kid, Billy the Kid. Yeah, okay, a criminal, great?
Yeah, wild Bill.
Well another is, oh, this.
Is this is great? Right? Who else is there?
Billy Corgan, Billy Gates, Billy Gates, Billy Shatner if you know him, well, don't, but there you go, Billy Madison, nice Billy on the street. I don't know Heikener.
Okay, it goes on New York, he asked.
It doesn't matter in the street.
It sounds like pretty Where are you living currently? I'm living in New York. We're back.
You got your own place? Yeah, you're living with your girlfriend?
No, some nights she's there, but she has her own place too.
Oh, a little safety house for me mostly case case things go wrong, in case things go back. How long did you wait from when you were released to make love to your girlfriend? How long of a wait.
Was that You're gonna get me in trouble.
Why would you get in trouble?
I was in the halfway house.
Oh you're not supposed to make love in the halfway house.
No, but we made it work. Okay, made it work in jail too, a couple of times.
Did you got you got conjugal visits?
No, but made it work a couple of times. Not suppos to talk about that. Oh that's interesting, it's fun.
Did she did you do that thing where she mashed her boob up against the glass?
No, it was for real.
Oh, your gift seems to be raising money, So why don't you just focus on that and like, just raise money for charities that would really do a good pr three seconds.
Not a bad idea, Thank you, Daniel. Let's start went.
Together a charity.
Yeah, with you, I'll do the fundraising and everything else.
No, No, I'm not doing Hey, I always give people a gift that's on my show of something from my house. I thought I would just give me a check, a blank check.
Yeah.
I don't think it's a good idea, Daniel.
You don't think you should have my information?
No, maybe you guys are giving me way too much credit.
All right, fine, I won't give them a blank check. Damn, I'm gonna give you a used Ferrari.
No way, but it's my son's I don't I want to screw your son over.
Nope, we're screwing you over. You thought you were getting a real Ferrari, but we're giving you a used toy Ferrari is cool. Guess what?
Thank you?
Guess what? Yeh, batteries are dead. No problem, So you're on your own. That works so hard for Hold. I got another gift for you. I don't know what you'll do with it, but if you go to prison again, I want you to bring it.
No damn.
This is a photo of me and my wife on a roller coaster at Dollywood.
Wow.
Now, the reason I want you to have that photo is because that's more fun than any music festival. You go to Dollywood, They've got shows, they've got the roller coasters. Oh, it's just the time of your life. Daniel.
Yeah, could we get on the phone in my probation officer, put this on the floor.
I don't want this on the.
Get permission to go to the island right now, and then you can reassess this judgment you're making.
You're telling me that your island is gonna be better than then Thunderhead, the roller coaster at Dollywood. All right, put that on the floor.
But you can't get this one.
Yeah, you keep that's yours. I want you to put that on in your cell show people friends. Have you ever been to Dollywood? No, it's delightful.
I want to go. Yeah, all right, let's do it.
I would. I'll definitely go back to Dollywood again. We'll I go with you. No, I gotta I gotta lug my whole family. It's a nightmare.
So you can't chase me to your family.
I'll introduce to my family. I don't give a shit. I'm not gonna let you watch my kids. Really no, I mean, I mean, if I need to go to the bathroom, you can watch them. I don't like bringing them in. So he's weird. I wish I was like ten, stand next to me, don't touch anything. Stand next me, don't anything in the next time. I look over, and my son's like trying to like just like a lean against anyway. You're gonna have kids someday, I think so.
Probably not yet.
You're gonna scrub the internet first. No, how much money do you have in your how much money do you have networth? What's your current net worth?
So what I oe? Between twenty six and twenty eight million, so you know negative in that range.
No, but do they They don't allow you to keep any money.
I can keep money, but I prepay a percentage whatever I earn right to it.
Yeah, so are you making money yet?
A little bit?
Your zero gravity bullshit? Had a couple of dollars that worked, just fun.
No one died?
Is that always? Is that always the bar?
Yeah, as as nobody dies, as long as no one gets scammed and no one dies?
And we want baby, are you do you read your Wikipedia page? Never? Okay, sorry to bring it up pretty bad. I'll tell you what line one is. Yeah, con Man, Right, it's got the word conon.
We were negotiating a deal yesterday and one of their counterpoints was, you think we're just gonna give this much money to someone who's Wikipedia page has con Man and they use that to try to get some some percentage off on the deal.
So did it work? Yeah?
It worked? I felt bad, Like all right, you guys.
Went yeah, I mean it's a hard argument. You're right, we'll give you a point five off.
Tell me.
How you really feel like, has anyone physically threatened you that you owe money to.
They're smart enough to yeel the threats pretty well, so they come off as plate uh.
Huh, Okay.
I hope you're doing great coming back. Where's my fucking money?
But you feel the threats a little bit.
It's not too crazy though. It hasn't gotten to the point where it's bad.
Do you sleep well?
Sometimes?
Not last night? Oh no, it's bad. Why was last night?
This is a injerous city for me?
This is a dangerous city for you.
She'd go back home. People seem to overlook your flaws a little bit too fast here, so it's maybe I shouldn't be this accepted as you come back.
Now, are you allowed to vote anymore?
I don't know that that's a good question. I think no. But there's like they try to pass new law. Seat you are trying to.
Pass new laws. But this is an election year, so you probably won't be able to vote this year. But if you had a vote, where would your vote go? I wouldn't know what to do, you wouldn't know who to vote. No, I'm really conflicted. Like Trump gave me a year off jail, so that was cool. He did not personally, He like passed a law that gave nonviolent of first time offenders a year off.
So that's pretty cool.
But so you you got a year knocked off because of Trump? No, that's worth a vote. Yeah. I mean if you told me you were going to vote for Trump because he got you out of jail a year early, I'd be like, well, I can't fault that guy.
Yeah, it's pretty hard to say no to that.
Biden step up, Yeah, seriously, what could you do for him?
Twenty six million dollars? Baby, I'm just kidding.
Would you allow jaw Rule to perform at Fire Festival too?
Now, okay, we're going younger at this time around?
Well sure, but I mean that'd still be a kind of a neat neat nod to a lessons learned earned? No, perhaps, how are you actually gonna get musicians to show up to this festival? Aren't they going to be like so skeptical? That's why I'm here to get the first one. It's like, once you come, everybody else will follow you. Who do you want? Who's a dream? Get?
I want Kanye? Kanye? Let's too fire to Oh god?
I mean that is perfect.
It's perfect.
It's absolutely Is anybody better? No, get Kanye, There's no reason he shouldn't do that.
It just fits so nicely. What could go wrong?
Have you ever thought about booking comedians at your festival?
Oh? Yeah, we did. Didn't do it, but thought about it, like like Mike.
Most of the So this new festival might have like like a comedy tent. Is that what you're saying.
Oh, I didn't think of it until now, but it'd be great. Could you be your headliner?
No, I'm not gonna do it, but that's what they have at these festivals, they have like a comedy tent.
Now, let's give you the main stage. It'll be flooding on the water glass either barge Daniel to any of this. Everybody's in the Wavenner smiling.
Are you doing it on an island again? Yeah?
I gotta. I gotta complete the story an American island or no, it's Caribbean. But I got to complete the narrative. It's got to be back in a very similar location to the first one, and we just need to execute the dream of fire one.
You need it. You need a longer lead time.
We had a year now it's gonna be next February.
You should do it in Why don't you do it on American soil?
That's boring.
I know what's boring. But like Bonnaroo does it in a fucking whatever, shitty Tennessee and Coachill's out in the desert, like you.
Want to challenge, Daniel Tosh. We need content here, we need we need so many times.
Why do you say my full name, Billy McFarland.
Because I review you, guys my new business advisor.
Don't talk to your businesses advisor that way either, Okay do you have do you have a business advisor?
I do? Okay, yeah, he's not as good as you.
There's no scenario.
He doesn't give me a checkbocketer, so kind of sucks.
How much our ticket's going to cost to this new.
Fire festival starting at twenty five hundred and.
Whoa starting at twenty five hundred.
We're focused in the million dollar ticket, Daniel Tosh?
A million.
There's a million dollars dollar ticket.
There's how many million dollar tickets are there?
We'll probably sell twenty or thirty if we can.
And what do you get with a million dollar ticket?
So you were partnering with this incredible new like condo tower in Miami. So they'll have like one month a year in this crazy like firehouse there and they get to do all the cool shit and me at fire they might die. We're going to try to, you know, push the boundaries and do tricks in the planes and jump out of helicopters and go free diving and do all this fun stuff.
Twenty five hundred? What is twenty five hundred? You did? I get you a plane ticket?
You'll go there on a boat from where? From Miami?
From Miami you can get there by boat? Okay? All right? So how long does this boat ride?
Like? Three hours? Three hours?
All right? So this and this is going to be in the Bahamas or is it gonna be a.
Key or is it somewhere in the Caribbean? Can't say where yet?
Okay? Well yeah, well who owns it? Because Bahamas? We need a passport? Do we need a passport for this one?
You need a passport? Yes?
All right?
All right, so we need to work gring that to you guys.
Three hours. We need to pass goverment.
Please give it back. I'm innocent.
Oh you don't have a passport. Okay, so you won't be able to go to your own festival.
There is a chance you guys don't give my passport back. No, I think I'll have it back soon. We're working on it diligently.
I mean, it's pretty easy to leave the country without sport getting back in.
So they would be so happy they would do it, they would throw a celebration. Probably don't worry about his dumbass.
How many days is the festival?
I three days, like three day weekends?
Is it going to be two weekends or just one off? Just one? Just one week Try.
Two weekends last year didn't work. Get through the first day. So let's take.
How excited were people that were on the second weekend that they didn't actually do it?
The problem was they weren't there to tell the friends they were there. I think that was kind of the value you got from the first one.
In hindsight, Now, do you think those people are happy that they went, that they were part of it or.
They I hear a story every week or two of someone who had just had a crazy experience at the first fire festival. I was invited to two weddings. People two weddings?
Yeah, huh?
Kind of cool.
Those are No, it's not that that was not cool because that marriage will not work. Why not? Like those people make dumb decisions. Good people, I don't believe them. Food. How's the food situation we take care of?
Oh? I don't know, so we're gonna leave that one for the last minute. The shrimp from Costco's pretty good.
We're not doing Costco shrimp billion. Food is important.
I'm trying to undersell it this time. Okay, let me do that.
Okay, but there will be food maybe will be included.
Yeah, the food's included.
Okay.
We have a festal partner who, like surprisingly, does this stuff for a living. So I'm here to talk shit and provide the wave rudders. They're gonna actually make.
This work, Okay, all right.
If I don't give you the headline, they're gonna fire me. Okay, I think comedians would be great. I'll go pitch him on it after.
You, please, Dan, I mean yeah, I'll give you a list you and Kanye. I'll give you.
I could think of some you're knocking each other with, like the inflatables and Steu falls off the stage first.
No, well, okay, some of your ideas are off how much you with the right you would check for to perform at the fire festival too, I would need it's a lot, Yeah, it's a lot, like a half a million, damn and I and I still would say no, Yeah, I don't have fuck you money, but I have no thank you money.
That's pretty close.
People have asked me all the time, like, oh, we do this private event. I'm like, no, it's not worth it. It's not worth knowing that the event could be bad. I need. I need a nice theater. Like even when I could perform in larger venues like arenas or things like that, I chose not to. I'd rather make less money and be in a beautiful old theater where everything sounds right, that people are seated the right way, as opposed to a hockey arena that's been converted so I
can fucking get the most money. That's how I've always kind of approached stand up comedy. I didn't like comedy clubs either, the lowest end. I didn't like that because people are fucking sitting in the front row eating nachos and like, who's this. I don't like kilapenos. So it was a middle ground for me. I wanted to get
successful enough to get out of comedy clubs. The other good thing about not playing the biggest venues in the world, like Fire Too Right, is that when you fall off, you don't notice the fall off near as much understood. It's nice. It's like, oh, I don't have to go back to smaller things. It's like, no, I kind of.
Just nothing will compared to Fire Too Right, Like you don't want to hit the peak and just have to go downhill.
I understand how many tickets have to be sold for this to be considered a success. A couple thousand, couple that's it. Yeah, how are you gonna get bit? You can't get Kanye with a couple thousand.
And every said we have Kanye said I want Kye.
No, I understood, assud what you said. But he's not coming for a couple thousand people.
I don't know. Probably not.
I mean maybe if it's a few more wrong turns.
Yeah, you never know.
All these artists are going to ask for their money up front.
Probably, So thank god for the partners and Dan Natasha. I'm not a partner, you're a backer. It's different. Uh, do you surfers? It's just I do surf really.
You know, people always ask me about this board. Oh, it's painted black, but it's it's carbon fiber. It's a single. Don't touch the board. You can touch it. I just don't believe fingerprints on it. Yeah, but like these are pressure marks from I actually wrote it. I used to write it a bunch. What is it?
Five to six it?
No, it's it's probably six to two. How tall are you six to two? Six? Too?
I should recognized one when I see one. I guess not.
What's your wingspan?
I have no idea manage a pretty long though.
Are they? Yeah? Did you play any sports growing up?
A little bit? It wasn't very good. Would you enjoy playing football and jiu jitsu?
Oh? Yeah? What do you watch now? Do you watch all the UFC stuff?
I watch the UFC and a big Jets fan. Unfortunately, Oh man, it sucks.
That was a rough year.
Yeah, it's been a rough life.
To sure. Have you been Do you go to Jets games?
I went to the first game this year. Aaron Rodgers carried the flag out. I've never heard seventy thousand drunk people so happy. And when he gets hurt like two minutes into the game, the entire stadium just gets depressed the same time, it's like a collect of like, fuck our lives.
Did people blame you?
Oh for sure? By John Send this guy, fuck the turf up.
The fire festival guys here everything.
Security carried me out there throwing popcord heavy.
Oh that's tough. How many years in your thirties do you think we'll be spent in jail?
I really hope none. You think you think I'm gonna go back? No, I really I'm not. I don't think so, but that'd be super fucked up.
The odds of you going back to jail are are greater than if you were like me, where you would just stay so far away from everything that got you there the first time. The fact that you're embracing it and diving back into that world that would terrify me.
I think what's scary is like it's an opportunity for someone, right, like if they get me and if someone like gets me in trouble, like they get rewarded for that, and that's like that freaks me out.
Oh yeah, it's like it's like a boony on your head.
It's like a come up for someone's career. So that's kind of scary.
Was it worth it?
No? No, I heard a lot of people it's not cool. No, I'll pay them back though.
The people of the Bahamas. How many of those still need to be paid back.
So we owe like two hundred thousand back to them, and that that will be paid soon. So we're working in there right now.
And how many years? When when was the fire festival supposed to happen?
Twenty seventeen? Okay, we spent around like four million dollars on local employees there, and like two hundred k we still owed.
So two hundred k. Yeah, I feel like we can. We can get that two hundred k back to them.
But let's do it right now. Write a check.
Ah, I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to pay two hundred k.
You'll, you'll help, you'll. It's like one hundred and ninety people.
It's one hundred and ninety people that need to get paid.
Yeah, they're like the average just that with interest. That's like what they're what they're own. So all right, we need to get We need to is right out to Billy McFarlane and we make sure it gets the right sources. I'm kidding don't do that.
I'm not making it.
I'm not ready to check to you, and we don't know what to do with the check.
You don't know what to do with the check. I bet you do.
At a zero.
Billy, thank you for being on the show. I appreciate it. Good luck with Fire Festival two. I can't wait to watch that documentary. And yeah, all the best.
Honored to be in the same chair as doctor Finky.
So Pasha, Hey, Carl, what do you think of Billy? Seems like that time away did him really really good. Seems like he's on the path of the straight and narrow. Full disclosure for you people at home that are wondering, Yes, I have bought me and my family those million dollar tickets to Fire Festival two. Would you like to come to Fire Festival. It's in the Bahamas. They got to do a little paperwork to get dogs in unless we uh you know, yeah, Fire Festival two. There's no way
that's not a success. I encourage all my listeners to attend Fire Festival two. All right, Oh hey, Carl, I know why your head's down right now. You don't want me to tell it, but I'm gonna tell it. Uh. The other day, Uh, my son and I were in the pool and my uh my daughter was running around the deck, uh without any without a diaper on. She's you know, she's young, she's one, but she was naked. And then my son and I were watching her. You know what, we gotta watch her close because she doesn't
back into things. She just goes straight off. And was like, all right, and now you're dead. Uh so you have to watch and you have to be prepared to sprint. Uh. Anyway, she's walking around and she stops, and we're like, and she just stares at me, just looks right in my eyes, like just beautiful blue eyes, just stares at me and just shits just a huge shit, one big, solid, long turd. And I'm like, oh my goodness. And my son is like ah ah. And then I go, well, now it's
really a poop deck. Oh oh. That both of us chuckled for so long. Anyway, then we scream, uh right, Carl, we scream. We say, mom, get a boot bag. Our daughter just crapped on the deck. And then she goes, she turns around and runs inside. She's laughing a little bit. And then I look at my son and my son goes, oh, no, Dad, and I go what, and the poop is gone, oh yeah, and I go what and my son goes, I can't, I can't get it out of my head. Carl just came up and ate it. Carl, admit it. You ate
my daughter's poop. A whole turd in one bite, just walked up, snatched it and walked away. Wow. But that how? I mean, what do you do? I don't remove his teeth. I don't know what to do. I brushed him, I wiped his mouth down a little bit, but it was nothing. It was fine. It's breath smelled fine. I don't even think he shooed. It just devoured a turn. I gotta live with that for the rest of my life. My son was traumatized. He just kept saying, I can't I
can't stop thinking about it. Oh. Anyway, speaking of that, Boys Wear Pink dot com. Check out our charitable clothing line UH for toddlers. The Goat coming out on Prime. That'll be a lot of fun. Got a lot of tour dates coming up throughout the Midwest, Vegas, nor Cow. Oh, it's gonna be good times. Now it's time for my son's bedtime story. See you next week, guys, care Pearl.
There was a Salway city called Mawabill And in that baby, there's an old place and the old place went old calls and it andything was oh eating the place. There's an old there as stans until they fisted, desisted a boy named.
And this boy named.
Hadamy eyes. Then he waited someone and he didn't know about the driving one until he were the babies. And he's hundred and he was a big brother and he handed a baby sick
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