My Super Bowl Episode

entertain others. But before we get into that, I gotta tell you a story about my son the other night when we were putting them down for bed. Can't believe this. I overheard my wife wrapping up. I walk in. I never know what I'm gonna say. I walk into a room like Kramer, you know, come flying and screaming the N word. No, I'm kidding. I don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. I just yell something at him. I think it's funny. I just I barged in. I

just started screaming. I found out you lied to me. That was just being silly, and he just starts bawling, crying. No, just immediately just starts bawling, crying, and my wife looks at me like he what in the fuck, And I'm like, I was just, I was just But then he's he's like he's scrying. He goes, I only did it twice, And so then my wife's like, oh shit, it, what in the world did I just stumble into And he says,

he goes, I've only lied to you twice. One time was back uh in preschool, which is now a couple of years ago. Wow. He said that there was a flower pot that had like a little crystal rock in there, or crystal rocks in this little flower pot, and he took one of the crystal rocks. And I was like, okay, well, I'm glad you told me, and you can always tell me and we all make mistakes, but you probably shouldn't

have taken it without permission, but that's okay. Oh, And I go, well, do you want to tell me the other time I killed a pigeon? No, so the other you're gonna but you won't believe this, Eddie. The other time that he lied again, I wasn't fishing for anything. He stumbled into it. This is ridiculous. I'm just trying to put him to bed. He's sobbing. He's sobbing through these confessions and I'm like, it's okay, but he goes.

The other time was I was on a plane with Eddie and I'm like, oh, and he goes, we were playing a a card game or some game and he and I and he goes, I cheated. He said he cheated.

the rules don't exist. They're not even real games. But anyway, listen, I'm just the kid is extremely easy to interrogate. I mean he just immediately folds like origami. I gotta work with him on that. But that was that was just the other night. Anyway, let me give you a before I get into it too. Uh, this this episode, I want to give you a little update on the fire situation here in so Cow, a thing no one says.

I want to talk about a few of the upsides of the fire for me personally, and listen, I'm not trying to minimize the horrific scope of what happened, but just for my own sanity, I like to point out a few of the good things that have happened because of these fires. One, as you know from watching this show, I love to give away my stuff, and now with families that are in such need, I have been going to crazy town. Like you know, one of the signs

of somebody that's suicidal is they give away all their possessions. Well, then get ready for me to kill myself because I am unloading large quantities of stuff. The gifts on the show going forward are going to I'm gonna take a hit for a while. There's gonna be some slim pickings because I'm given just everything away, closed shoes. You know. Hey, the other day, somebody's like, uh, oh, do you have I checked in with this family that had lost them.

I'm like, do you guys need dish wear? Because the guest house where my in laws stay they don't cook. I watch what they eat. If they don't eat with us. They have microwave popcorn for dinner. Just weird old people rationings meal. Yeah, like they don't eat. I'm like, they don't. And there's full sets of plates and silver they they've got, you know, twenty of everything. So I left them four, four plates, four bulls for everything, and then I took

the whatever was left ten or so, you know. I divvied it up into two piles of six, and that fair to give to a family need just a set of six. I gave sets of six to multiple people. I'm like, great, I can't stop giving away stuff anyway. If you need anything, and you were affected by the fire and you're thinking, there's no way he has this reach out to me. There was a bike. I was like, my son, I'm like, you're not riding your bike very much. It's gone. Gave it away. And then people are like, well,

does he still use it? I'm like, not anymore. Your family uses it. You gotta use it. If you don't use it, you're gonna lose it. That's the new mantra in our house. And I tell my someone who's playing with toys I'm like, come on, buddy, if you give it away, you're helping somebody else. And he doesn't really care about that, and I don't blame him, but he's now like starting to play with everything because he's just terrified.

Ye that he sees me going through the house with a box and he knows what that means, and it's like, we got to help somebody. He's like, oh shit, don't come to my room. Another bright side for me personally is that the restaurants in the area that are still open and weren't affected. You know, there's just nobody in there, which is bad for business, and they'll probably go under and I'll lose them and that's terrible. But in the meantime, I get to eat in complete privacy plenty. Oh my goodness.

It's like, I'll take all the tables that you know. They're like, you know, I, do you want a booth or table? Do you want to sit inside her out? I'm like, I'm gonna do both. We'll start we'll do the first course outside and then as it gets colder, I'm gonna I'm gonna move into a booth. You guys just follow me around Before I get into talking football. I need to quickly rehash some Australian Open. WHOA Yeah. By the way, I find myself the most patriotic when

I'm watching tennis. It's weird all of a sudden, I care so much about my country. Tennis and war those are the two times that I feel the most patriotic. Let me talk about Mattie Keys. I don't know how old she is, she's my late twenties. She's been in tennis since probably eighteen. She's had a long road and she won. She made it all the way to the finals and she won. She beat the number one player in the finals and the number two player in the semis.

And you know, one of them's Russian, one of them's something else with a bunch of k's in their name, and I just I just roote against them so hard because they don't have the personality that I like. But Mattie Keys did our country proud and won. Now the bigger story during the Australian Open, and much like Aaron Rodgers is Djokovic. Djokovic loses the first set and a tiebreaker and then just quits, retires, and he hears a handful of booze from the stadium or a lot of booze.

I don't know. I listened, dude, it didn't sound overwhelming. And and you know, everybody lose their mind because in the past, you know, he's cried wolf, right. We learned that story as a child for a reason. It's a thing, you know. Just because he's really hurt this time doesn't erase the fact that a couple dozen other times he's whined about an injury that probably didn't exist. And by the way, let me say something about booing, and people

are like, oh, how classless of the Australians to boo. Okay, first of all, it wasn't all of them. You know. One time I did a show two thousand and one is my guests at the University of Florida their Gator Grau, their homecoming big show. It's fifty seven thousand people, the largest stand up show in the world. And I was opening, David Tell was featuring Jim Brewer was the headliner. Oh yeah, well whatever, listen, and anybody that knows stand up nos Ooh,

you don't want to go up after David Tell. Guy's a monster, you know, he's he's better than all of us. And there's a you just it's just that's just the fact. Even if the audience doesn't know it, there'll be an energy on the next comic we're you're like, whoa you're

Why are you not as great as that other guy? Well, anyway, during Jim Brewer's set, there was there was a group or so of people and let's say it was two hundred people that started booing and and Jim kind of acknowledged it but didn't really and then you know, did his okay, did an okay show. But here's my point. When there's fifty seven thousand people watching you and two hundred people bow you really loudly, you're gonna be like, oh,

that's a horrible show. But the reality is that's just a tiny group of people, such a small percentage, right, The other people could have been loving you. Anyways, getting back to Djokovic being a little bitch, Okay, a handful of people booed. First of all, they didn't know how serious it was. They just saw you and the match

after one set. They paid a fortune to see you in a major in the semi finals, and instead of getting to see five hours of tennis, they got to see forty five minutes who cares and it and it was let's say it with thirty people that did it, maybe it was probably less than that, and you just everybody freaks out. Can you believe the behavior of these people that the Australian fuck you, it's a it's a game. You're you're performing a game. And the guy out there

that quit is a dick. So yeah, they booed, who cares, he's very booable. Yeah he's booable. Don't act like he hasn't been a dick his whole career. He has. And then he of course he uh tweets out his MRI and it's like, okay, this is for all you couch doctors out there to show that he has a tear in his muscle. I'm like, god, damn it, you just you just proven my points. You just tone deaf, don't

get it. I'm sorry you're injured. Hope you heal up in time for Indian wells in two months, when I'll be there booing the ship out of you.

supposed to applaud an unforced air. You're only supposed to to, you know, applaud if your player wins a point on their own and then god forbid, they they hit the net and it bounces over in their favor, then they have to apologize to the other player, and they have to make sure that they see the apology with a hand gesture, be like, I'm sorry I won that point that my ball hit the net. I wish it would have fallen on my side since I didn't hit it

perfectly enough. I'm fucking stupid, you know what. The more I talk about tennis, the more I realize I hate it. Oh switching hat and them switching hats. Getting back, getting back to my true love. No, getting ready for the super Bowl? And now are we allowed to say super Bowl or does this podcast have to be stupid and call it the Big Game? The Big We don't want to get sued by the NFL because we're talking about the Super Bowl. I've never understood that. Enjoy Pasha, all right,

super Bowl fifty nine. I think it's number fifty nine. Ed's right here, fifty nine. You know how to translate Roman numerals, not at all. Just call it twenty twenty five championship with the regular season that was in twenty twenty four. This country's too stupid to understand Roman numerals at this point, and we stopped learning how to write cursive. Stop pretending letters or numbers. That's what I say. You know,

I'm gonna call it swifty Bowl two. Yeah. By the way, Taylor Swift, she proudly calls herself a childless cat lady, But you know, how often is she even seeing these cats? I feel like she's just always gone, She's just always traveling. Yeah, she's out a lot, she's never home. I don't care how much you love your cats. Nobody travels with their cats.

That's disgusting. Anyway. My favorite part of any Chiefs game is always the camera pan to the Taylor Swift box, you know, watching her have to be cordial to Britney, Maga, Mahomes and whatever the name of. Butcker's handmaid is of Kicker anyway. So this year's Taylor's Chiefs verse Eddies Eagles in New Orleans. Oh yeah, Darleans. I worry about Narlans. You know they recently had snow. Can you imagine if the Levies break again because of an avalanche? Oh my goodness,

that would be the worst disaster, Eddie. Now you're a die hard Eagles fan? True or false?

has nothing to do with being racist. It's just just stupidity on a level that you're like, you know what, I'd rather my owner be racist than this fucking dumb You know what they should do. They should force the Giants and Jets to merge a merger. Yeah, you know, one team won three games and then the good team won five. Ah, not to mention they're both in Jersey. Oh wow, Yeah, this is complete nonsense. Market doesn't deserve two teams. New Jersey deserves a team, the New Jersey

little people crop dusters. And as long as Aaron Rodgers is the quarterback, the team isn't allowed to have a medical staff, no medical tent on the sideline, just a yurt where they can do ayahuasca. He was concussed it's mandatory that he heads to the yurt. I mean, let me talk about some Super Bowl facts here. You know, the New England Patriots have the most losses in Super

Bowl history. Did not know it? Imagine how many Super Bowl wins they would have Josh Allen or their quarterback, Oh yeah, and telling me that Bill Belichick, with his amazing defenses and cheating, wouldn't have been able to string together a few more Super Bowl wins had they not had the greatest of all time, but instead Josh Allen.

By the way, congrats to Bill Belichick. I respect that move, getting back into coaching at the University of North Carolina so that he could be closer to his college sophomore girlfriend. I didn't see it. I couldn't get through the joke without laughing speaking of Belichick the games on Fox, which means we're all gonna have to labor through. Tom Brady

panicking did not sound like a moron. The goat the greatest of all time until the end of the game when we could all be like, all right, Patrick Mahomes is now the greatest of all time. No one's ever repeated, I'm excited for the halftime you Eddie Kendrick, Kendrick was he got sizza with him, right man? These lyrics are you know, known for being explicit. I'm worried. I'm terrified, you know, enjoying it with my children that it's not going to be family friendly.

tell their joke. But I'm about to do that. Okay, okay. Imagine for a second if Kanye West were doing the halftime show and then mid performance, Taylor Swift comes out there, nudges him off stage, takes his microphone. He's like, no, no, I'll take care of it. I'll take over from here. That would be I mean, that would be the ultimate pay back, Like, look at this. I held onto this for so long, but oh that'd been good. You excited about the commercials? What are you? My wife? Am I

excited about the commercials? Yeah? The commercials? Oh yeah, no, I'm never excited about the commercials, but like, might do something cool. It's the only reason I try to watch the super Bowl live because it's infuriating to not fast forward to get back to the game if I'm like, if I'm back a half hour or something like that. So I watch. But it's such a waste of money, all this money, these commercials, just trying to figure out how to market to gen Z. We know how to

market to gen Z. It's podcast. It's YouTube. You find the right YouTube channel that has a podcast on it hosted by a comedian in their late forties. Problem solved, and you save at least half the money you were gonna spend on a Super Bowl commercial. You give the money to me. Forget a thirty second spot. I'll ramble on for three and a half minutes. I'll even do the dumb disclaimer stuff at the end. Now I won't do like there's certain products I won't do. But for

the most part, I'm a little pig, all right. I'm just saying, you get more bang for your buck over here. I love All States commercials, you know, especially the ones with Andy Reid. Andy Reid underrated actor, extremely funny, almost funny enough to forget that all state pold coverage in the state of California and fucked over everyone who lost everything in the fires. I'm sure they'll have the game on whichever fem a tent super Bowl party they attend.

Probably gonna have a great spread too, probably a seven layer dip from Kirkland's signature while the kids are crying saying when do we get to go home? Mommy? Never? Never All State. Imagine if companies this year said, oh, instead of putting a commercial out, we've decided to just donate this money to families in need in Alta. Dina. Wow, I'd support that company just putting it out there. Now. I know people are gonna be betting on this game, Lord knows I will. I'm gonna be in Vegas performing

at the Cosmopolitan. Guys, come out. I'm there the night before Saturday night. Come to the show. I usually spend most of my money on the props. I'm gonna be doing silly bets just to make it interesting the whole way through the game. You know, first to score, last to score, how long the first field goal is going to be? All of those? Those are my favorites. But

we need to check in with some experts. And since I don't know any experts, we'll just check in on the people that are in my circle see what their thoughts are on the big game. Let's check in on Philadelphia comedic legend. No disrespect to Eddie, I don't really consider you a Philly guy. My dad's from there, right, But I'm gonna check in Philly legend comedian Todd Glass. If anyone knows sports, it's comedian Todd Glass. Hold on, my February is wide open.

Who's going to win the Super Bowl? Insults Kansas Kansas? All right, thank you by Jesus kensas Kansas, Kansas. The fact that he knew Kansas City was in good for him. I didn't see that coming. Well, it's clear that everyone in my circle is excited about the big the big game, the game that's so big it has to be called the Super the Super Big Game, the game that's so super it's big, and it's a bowl, the fifty ninth Super Big Game Bowl. I like it, Tasha.

gets trickier. I don't know, I need to know. But plus six hundreds, So you bet one hundred, you wins, you get back seven hundred. That's pretty good, man, that's a good bet. So I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna follow you. I'm gonna do the same bet. I like it. By the way, it's the last chance to bet on the NFL this season. Download the DraftKings sportsbook app. Use code Tosh. That's code Tosh plays any TD bet on Super Bowl fifty nine and get it matched as a

bonus bet in the amount of your original bet. Max rewards vary only on DraftKings sports book The Crown is Yours.

based on amounts of initial touchdown bet. Maxim reward varies. Bonus bet expires two sixteen, twenty five at eleven to fifty nine pm Eastern Time. Four additional terms or responsible gaming resources see sportsbook dot DraftKings dot Com, slash promos.

We're going to Kansas City, Omaha, somewhere in Middle America, Minneapolis, the Twin Cities, Saint Paul. We're gonna show you love Milwaukee. Gotta love Milwaukee, I really do. Milwaukee is a great city. Madison, you know you're wonderful. Chicago, that'll be fun too. I hope I don't get killed. Yeah, I know that happens every six minutes in Chicago. Someone just shot dead. All right, go to Daniel Tosh dot com for those Also, Hey, Carl, I believe I'm gonna leave you at home and head

over to Lisbon and do a show there. I haven't officially decided, or maybe I have. I don't know. I just I just know that that that I don't speak Portuguese, and uh, I'm not going to attempt to whatever. Come to see me if you speak English and want to hear my nonsense, and you live over in Lisbon. I'm gonna to come. I'm gonna do a show. Eddie's been trying to write me jokes that I can use in Lisbon. What do you call a bird that lives in Lisbon? Portuguese? Portuguese?

Come sorry side for our free plug hit the music all right? Wasn't ready for that? Like Enya or something that's interesting. Oh, today's free plug, guys, I couldn't be more happy to do this free plug. Today's free plug is for doctor Camerava. Now let me tell you something about this guy over in Encino, California. During the evacuation, started to feel pain in my tooth okay, and I was like, oh no, now is not the time. I can't get to my dentist. Roads were closed, you know,

I'm with my family. Days turned into weeks. Pain was starting to get excruciating. People are going through real stuff, and in my mind, I'm like, I don't really give a shit my tooth hirts. Okay, I can't get to my dentists because of road closures. I go to my wife's Dennis. We have separate dennists. Don't worry about that. We keep our assets separate. Okay, she can't afford my dentist. That's not as neither here nor there. Anyway. I go to her dentist. He's like, I don't do root canals.

I'm like, great, now I showed up at a place and they can't even do it.

i'll get you in. I'm like, God, that's nice enough. But he gets me in the day after. Okay, I show I've never had a root canal. I don't even know what happened. It's you know, your your nerve is dying and the tooth is dying, and they drill in. They drill out the nerve. So I'm nervous. You know, I've always heard by the way the movie uh Rad nineteen eighty seven BMX movie Bill Allen, there's a scene in there where Bill Allen is riding his bike with his little sister. He picks her up from school on

his BMX bike. She stands on the back peg she's holding onto his back and he uh. He takes her through a sprinkler and gets his sister a little wet on the bike ride home, and then he says, huh, Wes, wasn't that wasn't that fun? And she says like a root canal?

so anyway, here's the problem. You go in and he does a thorough exam and he's like, just so you know, finding where the problem is is a bit primitive, but the work I do to fix it is not. And I'm like okay. So he's basically starts tapping on my tea. He's like, which tooth is it? And I'm like, it's this one back here, and he's tapping on it. He's like, just raise your hand if you feel any discomfort, it doesn't hurt. And he's checking, by the way, four teeth away.

He's like, I think it's this one. And I'm like, am I that bad that I don't know where the pain is? And he's doing all these different things to see if he can pinpoint yet, yes, this is the tooth. Then at one point he stops and he tells me. He goes, okay, I'm ninety five percent sure it's this tooth. You said it was this tooth three teeth away. I think it's this tooth. He goes, you can wait a couple weeks or a month until it gets really bad, and then it's going to be obvious to all of

us which tooth it is. Where it's waking you up at night, blah blah blah, the pain is constant, or we can go forward at this And I was like, I really appreciated him just giving me numbers. Nobody ever does that. Nobody ever says ninety five percent sure, it's this. I just like that. I'm somebody that responded. Well. Then he's like, well, let me try one more test. And the only reason that he was so probably at ninety five is because I told him as a different one.

But anyway, he does a final test and he goes, you know what, I'm ninety nine percent sure, okay, jumped up. Yeah, And I'm like, go for it, buddy, fix it. And he does this thing. He numbs your mouth. By the way, I've never had a root canal, and I've always I've always been told it's horrible. I feel nothing. And he's drilling this tiny hole down there and he's he's, uh, you know, he's disinfecting it. He puts his thing on. He goes, this is a pain, but I'm gonna hold

this thing on there. I don't know what it's doing, but it's some type of disinfecting thing. It's got to be on there for nine and a half minutes. And I'm like, oh, that's that's long. That's a long time to hold your mouth open, you know. But he does it fine, and he's like, you know, normally when you get a root canal people then they put a crown over the top. Here's either My holes are so tiny

and precise. You know, your your dentist may recommend this later to not to put some covering over, but you don't need to. I'll seal it up as when we come out, and you don't need anything. And sure enough, I'm in there. I'm in there for a while, hour, fifteen minutes for you know, oh long time does get

to that ninety nine percent positive? And then he does the procedure and then I leave and he's like, you may feel discomfort for the first week, and you might want to stick to soft foods or eating on the other side of your mouth, but I didn't. I felt

nothing the very next day. Just perfect. And I just love that because anytime you have something wrong with your body, you go to a doctor and they're like, oh, I think we should do this, and you're like, oh great, and then that doesn't fix it, and you come back six more times, and it's just nice to go to a place where guy's like, ah, here's the problem. Boom, fix it. You leave, You're not in pain anymore.

does root canals. Comrava's endodontric training and experience was provided. It's provided him with the ability to treat all types of endodontic cases. All cases performed by him are done so with the use of a surgical operating microscope. But don't call him to schedule a cleaning. His practice is limited to entodontics. That's doctor Comrava in Encino and listen, I didn't I'm not. You guys are like, oh, he's doing the free plug and he's gonna get something to

return I'm not. I just wanted to reward the guy for doing great work. Hey, I got charged. I mean I've got good insurance, don't get me wrong, but there was still a copay thing or something. They hit me up for two hundred and fifty bucks. I paid that happily. You fix my fucking mouth. Have you ever seen an endodontist? I didn't even know the word enodontist existed before days free plug see next week