My Staff’s Tax Guy - John McLellan

Do you look down on people who used TurboTax? No, Casha Cosha show show, Welcome to Tosh Show, Dan Tosh in the driver's seat, got ed Goslin over there?

What's up there?

Daniel oh Man? Just trying to control this sweet rig. Keep it on a road, Daniel oh Man. I am depleted from Valentine's Day. My goodness, my wife was all over me. Oh Man. I got her a box of chocolate and some roses, and she just she couldn't have been more horned up. No, I didn't do that. We went and got massages, did a couple's massage in the morning, early morning. It was nice. How's it? What did you guys do?

Yeah, same thing.

I got some massages. You didn't do that. Did you go out for Valentine's Day? Yeah?

We went to a wrestling tournament.

So you did nothing for Valentine's Day.

Chocolate covered strawberries?

Did you get into those for real?

Yeah?

Oh you didn't. I did, well. They're delicious hand dip strawberries and chalk. You went to that fucking stupid store where flowers or fruit that you went to? Edible arrangements. Eddie and I used to have this bit where we

Babes. We had jobs were people's worst nightmares.

Pete, did you do anything for Valentine's Day?

We had fond at the house.

At the house. Guess what, Pete do We did fond do at the house too. We did that night with the kids. That was their part. We did fond do with the kids. Uh about you, John, did you do anything with your wife?

Yeah? We got we we got a cake. Kids are in the cake right now. So any cake arrangement that can be made, we we make sure to do it.

Wait wait so you just fucking wait you just you made a cake or you was born?

No, no, we bought we bought a Valentine's Day cake and we.

What's a what kind of cake is Valentine's Day? Ca you go red velvet? Oh yeah, red velvet? Okay, yeah, all right. I was sticking my nose up at your tradition. You could have gone cherry cheap. I would not call this a tradition. Would you ever? Do you ever tried cherry chip? I have not tried cherry chip for the kids. It's a Duncan Hines box. I don't know if they still make it or not. I think it might have been replaced by the Sprinkles uh cake, But they used

Watched Pride and Prejudice for the first time for me.

Love, for me, in love. I mean, I just tell you I couldn't have been happier with Valentine's Day. I got away with not buying anything though. That was that was I wasn't gonna get I'm like, I'm not gonna buy you flowers right now, that's so dumb. Why am I buying flowers of Valentine's Day when every week at the farmer's market we buy flowers.

Right way better flowers.

The house has flowers in it. The flowers are expensive too. I know eggs, the price has dropped ever since Trump took over, But Flowers, I need him to fix that next now that he's got eggs. But I'm teasing about the our eggs cheap? Are they still expensive? They're really expensive? Oh, I can't believe that hasn't been fixed yet. Well, at least he got the wall done. You know what time of the year it is. Now, now that Valentine's has done, it's time for tax time. Tax time. Gotta get rid

I wonder why.

Maybe what my father told me as a child actually is true. You get what you pay for. Oh, there's no income tax in Florida. This is too good to be true. Oh, you're right, it is, because there's also hurricanes and red tide. Do you ever dealt with red tide? I remember that as a kid, I couldn't go outside for two weeks without just choking on the air. Oh,

Oh?

The pollen in Florida. It's lovely. It's on Zyrtac every day in my life. You get what you pay for. Okay, California's great, it's expensive. Well, yeah, it's because it's great, right. Florida's garbage and there's no income tax. Oh huh. Kind of makes sense when you like that.

It's all adding up.

Yeah. Listen, guys, I can talk taxes all day long. That's why I'm excited for today's guest. Enjoy Pasha, my guest today knows every Excel shortcut there is. So make sure you've got all your ten ninety nine's and W two's in order as we kick off tax season. Now. If you haven't turned the show off yet out of boredom, then please welcome my producer's accountant, John.

Hi. How are you doing, Daniel? John?

I'm doing good, and thank you for being here. We'll get into the accounting stuff later because the other stuff is way more interesting to me.

Do you believe in ghost Oh? Yeah, you do, but I would say more spirits. I wouldn't call them ghosts.

I don't know if I want my accountant believing in any of this, I want.

Them buy the books. The whole way. Growing up in Torrents. What was that like? It was pretty interesting. I got to see a lot of changes.

Do you still live in the area, still live in the area?

Not? No, with Torrents from Madonna Beach.

Do you consider torrent South Bay? Yeah, oh yeah, I don't. I always feel like they've glombed on. They get that tiny little sliver that hits the water and they say that there's South Bay.

But I'm like, well, there's the beach cities and then there's South Bay.

Okay, by the way, growing up in Torrents middle class, you did not tons of wealth.

No, No, it was really interesting. I would see at one point upper middle class because when I was younger, I had a chance at a race motocross, and I think pretty much all my dad's extra money went towards allowing me to go racing. And he was a general contractor to framing contractor, and then he decided he wanted to do that anymore. He just decided he wanted to be a craftsman and just have his own private shop and do small projects. And we pivoted. I remember he said, listen,

By the way, it's very dangerous. Do you ever have any of your death experiences on that bike?

I had a couple experiences, yeah.

Just racing. Or did you do any of that freestyle stuff in the air?

No, no freestyle stuff. So I pretty much rode motors across when I was from seven years old to almost twelve and really excelled at these age seven to eleven year olds and the eighty CC expert in mini categories.

I don't know anything about that world other than it was probably exciting.

Just think of it as like junior motocrossers. Do you do you ever BEMX? Oh? Yeah, I loved it, absolutely loved it.

Do you love the movie Rad?

Yes?

That was good. It's the right answer. When'd you start surfing? Oh?

God, about twelve years old?

Yeah? And where was the first place you served?

Avenue Y Inverydondo.

It was an eighties early eighties cold and wet suits were horrible. Did you have a wet suit?

Yeah? No, I see my dad serfed with my older brother and they were surfing in the late seventies Jerry Lopez was great and fantastic. I remember my dad tried to get me on a surple where at Dohani Beach, trying to get out there and having fun, but I didn't have a wet suit. It was cold, it was freezing cold. Then I got into got a wet suit and got a Boggie board and I loved it, absolutely loved it. I remember my first really good ride. Uh huh, Yeah,

I grew up surfing and I've been I've served throughout the world, never had a bad experience, you know that. I couldn't handle. The only place in my life that I've ever been taken out of the water physically and like told not was Redondo Breakwater.

That's funny, isn't that crazy? That is funny. Yeah, it's crazy. That is crazy.

Those guys were like and it was like it was just two of them out and I went out and they were like that it said. They started dropping in on me and then they like literally like ushered me to my car, like you tell you and your homies never to come here, and I'm like, oh, I just moved here from Florida. I don't have any homies.

Was it was it a really big day or a medium like a small day head high? Okay, that's probably why interesting. Yeah, if it's big, they'll let you go out. Well, you know what.

I never went back because I was like, you know what, I don't care about your garbage waves.

It's a great wave when it's like this last winter and around December it was fantastic, phenomenal is it?

It seems to but it's got to be huge, like, okay, huge, it's like dangerously big. I didn't like it, and I didn't care, and I was like, whatever, you guys idiots, enjoy your shitty wave. People are so mean. That's the problem with surfing. I've always thought that about surfing. I've loved everything about surfing except the surfers. I'm like, why do you guys have to act like this? The vibes are always always they always bother me anyway, not every place.

That like wouldn't allow anyone to ever surf their wave. It's always been like that.

Did you ever surf it?

I have a special spot I don't disclose. That's kind of on the south side of bay. Haggarty's points were really good.

Haggarty's is great. Oh yeah, I've served Haggarty. He's just almost perfect.

Oh yeah, And what was the fun part is night surfing hacks?

No, I don't, I don't don't enjoy that. What's your favorite surf spot that you've served in the entire planet?

Plunt roca at La Liberta in El El Salvador. Best way I've ever ever got right or left. It's all right, point break, point break. It's better than ring con and more consistent.

Well sure, it's not consistent.

Yeah, it's it's one of them. Warm and very warm, very warm. Yeah.

Who didn't love a warm right before?

When I when I was really being into surfing in my thirties, I was going to El Salvadore. I think we went like eight times.

Do you ever have any uh scary experiences while traveling abroad for surfing? You're like, uh, oh, put ourselves in a bad situation here.

Oh yeah, so I got a good good So we're in El Salvador and we were coming back where we had. We had a big uh, we had like a Nissan pickup. All of a sudden we come to ours like a makeshift roadblock. Yes, I've been there, and this was not an official block. This was just a bunch of guys with M sixteen's that look like teenagers. Okay, we got

Okay, I've been in a few places where they've had the makeshift roadblock where it's just a chain dragged across the road. You have to stop, and then I and my broken Spanish just like open my wallet and like say like, oh, does twenty make that chain go away? And usually it does, and then I'm like on my way and like hey, and then everybody's good.

But you're always like so I don't mess around. So was this in Bajac Helpha. I've done.

I've done a few few of those encounters in Mexico.

Yeah. See, I wouldn't go to bog California anymore after forty years old, I said, in no way. I brought my family last year. But I can tell you. But the other thing is Mexico's We spent a lot of time in the mainland Mexican, like Mexico City, all the major cities, Monterey, beautiful country, beautiful city, I know, like super nice, the best food in the world. It's really greed. Yeah, I love everything about it.

I think you know, I'm excited for for when it becomes part of America.

Well, they got to change the golf, right. I don't know how they're gonna like, how they're gonna feel about that.

They'll be fine, They'll be fine, They'll love it. You still surfer, No, you got injured a little bit, a little bit old man.

Surf now, old man surf?

Now do you do like old man? Like rich? Travel?

Boat and trips? Oh? I wish if I would have, but I had a ankle injury when doing motocross. So that's my other passion, motocross and motorsports.

And accounting.

Trinity.

How did you get into account.

Oh god, I was really good at computers, uh huh, And nobody knew how to use computers that well in accounting, and I said, oh my god, this is Greatnot I know how to do this. So I was kind of like early early nineties, and I don't want to be a computer programmer. I thought, oh my god, that's just will you tell I might as well become an accountant,

By the way, you went to Loyla Mahrmont, you grew up in torrent and then you transferred to cal State Long Beach. Have you ever been outside of your thirty mile zone?

Oh?

Yeah.

So I had the opportunity to go to Indonesia and I was working for a nice guy at a palace for aries while I was in college, and he sent me there was a job opportunity, and I learned what I was going to be near bawling. I'll go if I could take three weeks off after the project.

How long is the project? Oh?

The project was like two three weeks and I got to spend a month in Indonesia, serve a place called groggan Gland and lived in Bali for two three months.

I mean that's amazing.

Oh, it was amazing.

And that is that a better because right now it's like it's it's too crowded, But then I'm guessing it's phenomenal.

What was funny is I had a job off from the guys wanted me to stay, and I said, look, I'd got to go back and finish college.

You should have stayed. I think everything about you is cool except the job. Is there anything cool about accounting?

Yeah? So the funny thing is most of my time isn't doing really accounting. It's talking to people about their lives. It's sitting there just talking to them and asking them, Hey, what happened this year, what's going on? What transactions did you have financially that impacted you?

Are you trying to beat the system? At all times, we.

Try to push, We try to make sure that people don't pay any more taxes than I legally have to, but we want to keep them out of jail.

Well, you said the only person your father respected was his accountant. Now, I don't want to play like an armchair psychiatrist here, but does any party you think that you got into this pression to gain your father's respect?

Oh after the fact, Yeah.

Did you do your parents' taxes?

Yeah? After I started going to college and took a couple of classes and a taxation.

Yeah, and they let you see what they made. Because my dad. If I ever asked my father, even when I was older, how much do you make or enough? None of your business? What are you a cop? Those are the answers I got from my father. Yeah, I'm a cop. Dad.

I always say, I don't think that I had to really worry about that.

They're just so my dad was so weird about it, and it's like my dad had, like, you know, a very middle class family. I always end up getting like years down the road money back because I've overpaid, and I talked to my accounts, I'm like, guys, why are we so conservative all the time that they're like, hey, you paid too much, and they're like, no, that's what we do. I'm terrified of jail though, the idea of jail.

No no, no. I use that expression because I try to terrify clients. So that's the main thing is we want to make sure that you don't get audit. You don't want the nasty letters and liar. I've been audited twice. Well, there you go.

Here's here's what I've learned. Tell me it's true or false. They used to say that audits were completely random. Then they realized that the IRS it's wasting too much money auditing poor people, so they stopped that, and now they do audit just the wealthy.

Oh no, On the contrary, they audit wealthy, they audit people randomly, and they audit poor people. Okay, but you're but you are saying, and I'm going to say, not poor people. Well they do is audit. Let's say you're in the Malibu zip code and then you show that you make ten thousand dollars and you don't pay any taxes. How is it that you can afford to live in Malibu or you know, in the beach communities and not pay any taxes.

I don't know, ask Pierre.

Well, there you go. So what they do is they're looking for those people that wait a sec. You got two houses, you got these cars, you got those you got all these assets, and you live in a nice neighborhood, but you don't show that you have any income.

But then they also just randomly and.

Then they randomly picked people.

Yeah, I was surprised the amount of time. It took a ton of time and they didn't find anything. But then they started actually going like, oh, you took a jet to your show in Vegas. Was everybody that sat on that jet part of your job? It was just crazy, how like needling they were trying to get for me, that's their job. No, it isn't a bunch of jerks. Do you like to say something just didn't adding up or do you prefer fudge the numbers or cook the books?

I would say things don't add up, we need to fix this. How many something's not right here?

How many times have you been like this, something just doesn't adding.

Up, It doesn't smell right, it doesn't pass the smell tests. How many shredders do you own it? You're off, Oh, we don't really shred everything. We just collected and then we take it to the shrudder every two three months.

I just didn't know if you guys had like a system like a press a button. Guys, they're coming get rid of everything. This is what this is what I want my accountant to be, like, I'm w on my account to go go.

Is the IRS broken or no? It give you some fixing. It give you some fixing. What are some of the red flags the IRS is looking for when looking at someone's returns? Disproportionate expenses. Somebody say they they put down they made ten thousand dollars a small project, and then they try to write off fifty.

Oh man, I know that I sent it. Because I will spend almost every cent I make to travel places that I want to go to. And I'm like, oh, come out. Even that's fine, but why are you traveling to go to the place like a vacation that's paid for.

Yeah, but it's got to be business. It's got to be for business.

I'm traveling for business. But the only reason I'm I will do a show some places because it's a place that my family wants to go. Does that make sense?

No?

Stand up comedy, that's all I do. So if I wanted my wife wants to go to Portugal. I'm going to do a show in Lisbon for the ex pats.

Oh okay, now, if you're doing the show there, I am, yeah, and okay sure right.

All of the money that that show makes, I spend one hundred and fifty percent to do the trip. That's a red flag.

Well, it depends on your overall income.

The income's not there anymore. I'm just living off I'm living off the savings.

So Dirus is going to if they did come talk to you and they say, Daniel, we need to speak to you, They're going to ask you, so, how many days was it for business? Well, one night and how many days did you stay?

Fourteen?

Okay, and then they're gonna disallow it. You're in trouble.

You serious? Ah, that's bad. In twenty twenty five, in La is it better to rent or buy a home?

Rent?

Why is the county so complicated and confusing in this country?

Oh, that's a great question. So it's because politicians write the laws, not accountants.

I mean, do you actually enjoy your job? Yeah?

Yeah, I do. Inter The best part of my job again is their relationships and talking to clients and finding out what's going on and really kind of becoming part of people's family. Over years and years of doing their taxes.

How often are they changing the laws the tax laws but.

Every two years but at least every new president.

Are things going to get great for us? Now, for us wealthy people, I wouldn't say that, because California is going to get their taxes no matter what.

Well, you got two issues. You've got California taxes, which is some of the highest taxes in the nation. You know, you get the combination of your state taxes and your federal taxes. It can be a lot.

If I have a property in let's just say, hypothetically in Nevada, how much do I have to actually live there to stop paying California.

Taxes over one hundred and eighty five days.

And then I can Then I can pull out of California completely.

Now you have that has to be the place where you hang your hat, So you got to live there, hang your hat there, vote there, have a driver's license there, have your cars there, have kids go to school there. That's the tough one. Yeah, that's the real tough one. You had me.

I could pull off almost all of that until you said school you can't have your kids go to school in Carson City.

You could if you wanted to be gunslingers.

Oh that's nictally not a bad idea. How many Social Security numbers do you have the ability to sell on the dark web?

Oh?

Zero?

Oh?

Look at that? What's your favorite number?

Eight?

That's the dumbest question, and I'm glad you answered it. If we needed a way to drastically simplify the tax codes across the board, what would your pitch.

Be get rid of? Alterna minimum tax?

Okay, I don't even know what that means.

It's a complicated extra formula that accountants have to go through and figure out your tax returns and eliminate all your deductions and reader your taxes and you have to pay a minimum tax.

Do you want that that eliminated?

Oh that'd be great. Yeah.

Do you hate Ben Franklin for saying there's nothing certain except for death and taxes?

No? No, it's helping my business.

Well, how do income taxes work in other countries? Do they have a more simple system?

Some? Actually they do, but they also pay a lot more taxes. Believe it or not, United States doesn't have that bad a taxes when you compare to Europe.

I've always just wrapped my head around I'm going to lose fifty percent of every dollar I make, and I'm kind of like, okay with that. That's a lot, I know, but I'm okay with it. I'm like, if I can live off fifty percent of what every dollar I make, then I'm gonna be okay. So that was that was kind of the goal.

Okay, you may want to talk to your account I don't want to talk to him. Maybe he does knock to you, that's a problem.

It's just a long conversation. And then I don't have to pretend like I understand stuff, and I don't.

Take him surfing.

They don't serve. They're not those kind of accounts that Charlie don't serve. No, Charlie don't serve. Is there any new laws on the books this year that you're excited about.

There's going to be a lot of changes coming up.

Do you have to pass new tests when when they change things or just be familiar with the law.

Actually got to have forty hours of continue education every single.

Year, every year?

Every year? Oh oh yeah, cool? That alone?

Would they already not want to be an accountant?

Every year?

Having to do forty hours. How long does that take? Well, sometimes you break it up into like like a month.

Oh well, you could do it all over the year. But now you get a travel for it too.

Oh some nerd convention. Is that what you're talking about?

Oh?

No, where is this held?

Oh? They got them all over the United States. You can go to the probably the Beast. Probably the best one that used to go to was in the South shore of Hawaii on Honolulu.

Oh. Yeah, you guys are living it up. Yeah, try to. That's pretty good.

I think I was able to sneak away, dur and break and get a couple of waves.

Do you look down on people who use TurboTax?

No? Should people be, But I kind of feel bad for them.

Uh huh.

It's just because they just don't know and they don't know what kind of trouble they're getting themselves into. Nobody should do their own tax, says god, nobody that has make some money. What's the cutoff where it's like, okay, you need you need to hire a professional accountant to do your taxes at what what? Uh?

Income level?

I would say if you have the income level to afford a house, then you should be getting somebody to do your tax.

Okay, it makes sense.

You got investments, you have stocks, you're starting to douce rental properties. You know, things are starting to get a little more complicated.

Did your job basically to outsmart the IRS every year?

No, it's basically just helping clients so that they don't get in trouble.

How late can you actually file? I feel like I never file. I always get an extension every single year?

Is that normal? I wouldn't recommend it. I'd recommend filing on time.

Like every year. They're like, yeah, no, you get, we get your extending.

You know, but you're lucky this year.

Why things changed?

The government is giving relief to anybody in La.

County because of the fires.

Because of the fires.

Oh what are these these people? I mean, do you hate? I'm guessing that you've experienced people that have had total losses before. I mean, what do they do?

There's gonna be a lot of questions, a lot of challenges because the IRS does let you write off losses if you're out of pocket. So if you're actually out of pocket money from the loss, you're gonna be able to take that as tax right offs. Okay, So there's gonna be a lot of people at the Palisades fire and the Alta Dinga fire. Are they're gonna need help?

Where are you on taxing churches in this country. I'm a huge believer in any church that has over one hundred people that go to it should be taxed. These megachurches where the snake oil salesman rolls around in like a Bentley, I'm like, this is nonsense. You don't want to get yourself in trouble.

I'm gonna I'm gonna stay off that one.

I don't want. I think the churches should be taxes. The Church of Scientology, that's just complete nonsense. No pastor should drive in anything nicer than a Honda Accord. That's what I say. That's my barometer for if your church is making too much money? What about tax taxing crypto?

What about crypto?

Do you have any clients that are invested into crypto?

Yeah? I do. It's a challenge, I mean, it's it. Do you is it real? First?

First question? Is it real?

Is it real? Yeah? It's real.

I mean do you have do you understand it completely? Are you invested in crypto?

Yeah? I have some crypto.

Uh huh, all right, billionaires, Are they getting taxed heavily enough?

Or no? Yes?

Oh brother.

See people don't realize you're a homeowner and you have you have probably have rental property. You pay all these property taxes. You don't think billionaires pay taxes. They just pay in other forms. They paid in payroll taxes, they paid in property taxes. They're supporting the community with their infrastructure and giving jobs and doing a lot of different things. But it's interesting that when you talk about taxes, the problem is we got too much taxes at the low level,

Why it's the taxes. Let me tell you something. If you want to spend more time driving around in Florida, all the power to you. As someone who is from there and has all their family there, I think the gas should be cheaper to encourage people to get the fuck out. Most places in the world, you buy a home and it's a good investment and thirty years later it's worth more. And that's not true in Florida. All

Probably their dog. What do you mean? So like, can I claim my dog is a dependent?

Oh? That sounds like Pete over there.

And I'm like, I don't think we're the right fit.

Do you drop clients? Yeah?

Oh yeah, all the time.

You're like this that won't work.

Oh I try to drop that. Every year. I just go through the list and said, okay, who's who needs to go into probation and who should we just drop?

What about don't you? Aren't you so thankful? The days of boxes of receipts are over.

You know, we still get a few collections.

Oh I can't imagine how stupid that is.

You know those as stories. I had a client come in referral. She brought in two trash bags, two trash bags full of envelopes and never been open. Oh good, I love it. So I gave it to my staff, open all this stuff up. And also my Staf's like, John, jhn, come here. I'm like, what what's going on? She's like, is this right? I'm like what I said, I think this woman has forty million dollars? Okay, And I'm like what, So I called lady up? Do you have forty million dollars? Is like, I hope.

So she was testing you, guys.

No, she or her husband passed away two three years prior.

I know she killed him, and she just was needed help.

And so we got all our stuff opened, all the envelopes, went through all the paperwork, got her all sorted out.

Well, that's pretty I guess you kept her as a client then.

Yeah, she was a pretty good client. It was. It was the best part was just helping somebody out. And you just never know when you start digging through all the paperworking, getting through people sorted out what you're going to find sometimes.

But usually now you just have clients that you've had for years and years and years, and so it's not it's not that you're not digging through garbage bags for the most part.

No, No, but there you know, we we still have what they call the shoe box clients that come in, and we still have really old school clients, and we still have cutting edge technology clients that wanted to send us everything the PDF and technology and you know, give it all to us. Your son was born on tax Day? Do you plan that? No, he was supposed to come the day after.

Actually, I know your son heavily into a cart racing. Now. I was infatuated with that world as a child. I didn't get to race. I had a go cart. I had go carts, brigs and Stratton little you know whatever. My dad would get me five horsepower. That was like the biggest engine I ever had. But I was I was good. I could actually I was good at racing. It just you know, we'd go to little parks that had little race tracks. My brother just horrible at it.

Go? Oh no, But I gotta tell you the always nervous on the first turn. Okay, last weekend he was in Orlando, Florida, at the Orlando Cart Center. They had forty two drivers on the track at one time in the grid.

First of all, he's only eleven, and what do you start.

Started at seven? We got him a go kart and on his seventh birthday.

When you were buying him these type of toys, there's no way that it was like, no, no, he should be doing this at this age.

Like I always look at things.

I have a five year old and it's like, oh, this little power wheel says for eight and up. And I'm like, yeah, he's fine, let him go for it.

Yeah that's good.

Okay.

I told him when he was really young, maybe probably three or four years old, I say, hey, you you learn how to ride a bicycle without training wheels, I'll get you a motorcycle.

What in the world, the greatest dad ever? You should be locked up? All right?

So we're camping at Man But then he's got his bicycle training wheels. He says, Dad, take the training wheels off. I'm like, what, he takes training wheels off because he was getting stuck in the dirt and he just starts riding his bike. So I said, okay. So about six months later I got him a PW fifty Yamaha, little little motorcycle. Started riding there.

Did you tone it down or just let him have it it? Okay?

Yeah, yeah, no, PW fifty great starter bike for somebody wants to get in motorcycling. And he got a bigger bike about a year later, and he had a bit of an accident, so we went to the motocross track. He ended up going off the track, was going to run into a parked car, but slid under the car.

Okay, I guess that's a good instinct.

Well, yeah, you know it's it saved him. It scared the heck out of his we you know, after a quick trip to the hospital, I think his mom's like, hey, can we get him something a little closer to the ground. Let's get him four wheels. So his mom's the one that really pushed to go to the goat parting.

Interesting. Yeah, and now I'm guessing that is a horrible, costly hobby that she regrets every day of her life.

Now, on contrary, she's the one that's like kind of fanatical about it. She wants to go to Europe. She's like, he's going f one.

Oh she's it's the pageant mom, but for car.

Yeah. Like so the funny thing, you think soccer moms are bad. Yeah, no, no, no no, the cart moms are way way more intense.

How do you get the cart there?

So we have a team, Nash Motorsports that helps us out, and so they when they set up, they have their own tent. It's a mobile shop. They all have anywhere from five to fifteen drivers a weekend under their.

Okay, is there pit stops during his races?

No, So it's it's an all out sprint race. So what they'll do is they'll go on for a final race will be about twenty laps, and they'll do about a you know, sometimes it's little less than a minute or just over a minute a lap when their average lap average speeds around forty eight fifty two miles an hour. See burning through tires Like, oh yeah, tires are crazy. Race weekend or an event, maybe four sets of tires.

Does anyone else ever use his cart or no, that's his cart.

It's his cart. Yeah, most people have their cart and then they's set up for their body and their size and their seats just for them.

What's the minimum investment to get a sticker on his helmet?

Oh? That's well. Happy to talk to anybody right now. We're okay, like where this is going. Oh, basically we're looking for marketing partnerships. Okay, so instead of sponsorships. We got a couple of years. You know, dad's doing okay, we're taking care of him, but he really needs the marketing partnerships to kind of get to the next level. All right, Well, that I can't help because he's going to be turning twelve. He's racing sixteen year old kids. So he just stepped up to the bigger full sized

I mean, how can you tell if a kid is good or not.

When you come out and you're racing against all the kids in North America and you can place and put it up there. It's a challenge.

Does he have like trophies and stuff like that.

Oh god, he has got room full of trophies.

Is his dream to be like a NASCAR race or a Formula one?

Formula one?

No, look at you. You got a classy family. I appreciate that. And when do you squash his dream?

Probably he is about eighteen years old. Because eighteen, I'm I'm the big believer that he's got. He's got to want it and he's got to put the effort into it.

Well, I watched that one movie where that guy that played video games became a real F one racer.

Oh yeah, it was a great movie. Loved it, was it? Oh it's it's his favorite movie by far Well. I took I took it to he and he was like, oh my god, he loved it.

Just what about it. One scene was a little tragic, you know when he almost died.

Oh yeah, that's part of part of the sport.

That's why I get my kid. I'm getting my kid into tennis, you know, trying to force tennis on him.

So wait, wait, you're not gonna have your son surf.

I want my son to not be afraid of the ocean. And if he loves the ocean. That's a bonus, and he's gonna be competent. I'm gonna teach him how to surf, I teach him how to snowboard all that stuff. Here's my problem with surfing that I always have. You know, I've got a son and a daughter, But like surfing is the only sport, and I'm sure it's not where a ten year old kid that can surf good is in in the lineup talking to a you know, fifty year old accountant talking to a twenty year old drug addict.

I think I never had those conversations when I was twelve years old.

Come on, you knew about drugs way before other people because of the surfers that you hung out with.

No. No, I knew drugs because my own older brother. I like, if I'm not go on that road.

Right, Okay, But you understand my concern it makes some sense. I've seen lineups where I'm like, uh, when I see like a young kid in the water and I hear somebody talking, I'm like, hey, knucklehead, shut up, Yeah, there's a child here.

You know. I think, well, to any how old your kid is, they're going to hear it. You're not gonna be able to protect it. If he's twelve years old, he's hearing everything, It's okay, fine.

What about when my daughter, let's just say she's sixteen years old and she's got a great ass, and now she's paddling around and you know what, they paddle around and she's.

A full suit. That's the thing's got to get.

She's gotta wear a full suit suit if you want to serve, fine, but you have to wear a full suit every day, right, because I'm not letting some creep old man paddle up behind you. Right. These are my concerns. By the way, everybody's on the show gets a gift. I cannot wait to give you some gifts. Now. This is my first gift. This is from Bill Allen, the star of rad Oh nice. That's that's the official Double Blu Ray DVD. I don't think you have a DVD player.

I'm gonna keep it, all right, but I just I was like, is that an extra small boys for you?

No, I'm huge. He took a shot. He took a shot. John took a shot at me. That's fine. This this is a toss show hat that that didn't get approved by our merch department. But you're gonna have it.

So I got the one that the reject.

Yeah, we're not that one, all right, but get that off my desk. You're gonna love this, Okay, I'll just throw on.

I'll be sure to give that somebody.

You give it to somebody. It's a nice gift. You're ready for this gift? Yes, okay. I don't know if your son's gonna want this or if you're gonna need it. For takes one. I can't wait to give this this. This was like three hundred dollars. Now, my wife's cousin bought me this for Christmas this year, and I was so mad at him. I was like, why would I want this? And it's the same guy. He remember that the time I had that little is this foozie? No, it says cool cool, coolie, Julio. I don't know not

I was a big tailgater.

And that's what I'm talking about. The cart racing.

But but we don't do it.

No, no, no, you're gonna love it.

No, I can't. I can't have any so I can't even have alcohol on the grid.

John, this doesn't have to have alcohol. You have sparkling water. Okay, you're gonna you're gonna love it. Your son's gonna love this. He's gonna think it's neat.

Say, where's your producer? Can I give it to your executive? No?

No, this is a tax rid for me.

I've got a regift.

You can't regift this I got. By the way, the size of this thing, you would think that the cooler portion is huge. By the way, Oh, it also floats. It also floats, and it's it's waterproof, So it's that's that's the whole thing. On the inside, it just holds a six pack. He got me this, and he was mad at me immediately because I was like, I hate it.

It's a good zipper hard. I could now I could see a purpose for this, Good John, not for me. John, give this to your I could think, if I.

Can, you know you're gonna find a client that's gonna need this. Look at that thing. Why would he think I want to walk onto a refrigerator on my back.

I can tell you where this is perfect for you when you go surface and you can spend the day at.

The right now, John, You're welcome.

It's a really wonderful that. That is the one of the most interesting gifts I've ever seen.

And the guy that gave to me, his name is John, who also.

Gave me these.

And I don't want these either. Do you cook?

No? No, you love this, then I don't cook it all.

I hate the smell of vinegar. These are like these they're all sealed. They're like flavored vinegar you're supposed to add to your while you're cooking. This one's red miso, you know. This one looks like it's open. This one's turmeric vinegar. This one's black garlic vinegar.

How did you get stuck with the white elephant gift? No?

This is I don't want these, John, but I just thought they would go with the cooler than you because it's bought me both of these things.

Hey, let's stick it in the cooler.

No, they don't need to be cool here, just sure, Okay, why don't I just you know who's gonna want those?

I have no idea what that? What is this? John?

It's somebody's business. Okay, So don't shit on it.

That's hard. I'm not going to say anything.

Just take it home. Do you do you discourage your clients from from bad ideas like investing? Or do you just let them do it? They know I just I tried to scourge them. Okay, Yeah. So many times I come up with ideas and I'm just like, they're like, well, if you think that's what you should do, and I'm like, guys, I need you to tell me to knock it off.

No, if it's a bad idea, I tell clients all the time, that's good. So give me one of your ideas. What was one of your ideas that got kind.

Of bad ideas? I started a clothing line that was a bad ideation in that.

No, did you have restaurant ever? No, that's a tough business. No.

I'm always terrified of when I'm gonna stop working and like lose my business managers because I'm like, I don't know how to do anything, and I think the system is set up for us to not know how to do anything so that we're dependent on outside sources.

I don't think. I think it's just everybody should specialize on whatever they do, sick of what they do. Like, I don't go work on my cars anymore. I could I could you can tinker? I could tinker, but you know I'm not going to go work on cars. I do. I'm an accountant.

You're an account Do you say that when you're at the track yelling at your kid to cut somebody off?

No? But I tell a lot of dad's like, I'm just accounting. I don't know what the heck's going on.

Have you ever gone to the the F one race in Vegas?

Now? No, No, I have none. F one haven't actually been. I've been to the Indy car Race in Long Beach.

Forget Indy, but but that Vegas track that they set up on the street that goes down the strip, Yeah, incredible. That was well, it was incredible. But the traffic that they created to create that core But it's worth it for who?

Not for me?

And then when I'm trying to get trying to get to my casino gig, Now I got to take a forty five minute ride that used to be a five minute.

You don't have a helicopter.

No, I don't have a helicopter. I need a helicopter. Get these guys to get you a helicopter. Yeah, that's what podcasts are for. Helicopter money is rubbing racing? Is that still a term to people?

Say that the sidepod a little bit?

They Yeah, is there drafting and cart racing?

There is. It's a it's a big thing. Actually, if it's on a big long track, you need the draft. It might if you get a draft behind somebody else, it might be three four tenths and you think, what's four tenths of a second? Well, you take four tenths and then all of a sudden you're doing ten laps.

No, here goes your math nerds and stuff, and.

Then you're like four. Then at the finish line you're four seconds.

I had another guy that's pretty good.

Well, I'll just say if anybody's interested about his racing or looking into stuff, it's John John Racer.

You named him after Florence?

No, No, but I do like I do like John Florence. He's a super cool guy. Everybody in our family is pretty much named John. I had a cousin named John Box and when I was growing up, I called him John John, super nice guy. I loved him. And my dad's name's John. My name is John, and the same with.

My father in law. It's so weird. He makes everyone and their family do. John. And the guy that gave you that cooler that you're gonna love. His name is John John. Oh, his name is John John. Yeah, okay, look at that, or just a bunch of John. It's weird that that's the name that always goes gets passed on forever.

My mom called me John John.

She did. Yeah, you're a John John. Two Ah right, good stuff, all right, John, thank you very much for being.

On the shows you, Tasha.

I want to thank John for filing all the taxes for the good honest definitely not cheating employees of Toss Show. How are you filing, Carl? You got any dependents?

No?

All right, let's plug away. We got the tossshowstore dot com. You got Eddie's tour and my tour. We're adding shows. Hey, Carl, guess what going to Portugal? Yes, we are Lisbon. I couldn't be more excited to see you, so please buy a ticket. So my agent stops calling me every day saying, hey, have you learned the Portuguese yet? I'm like, I'm working on it. I think it's time to do our free plug hit the free plug music, Oh little big band. This week's free plug is for a retirement community called

That is so.

Watermere is the area's newest premiere retirement community for active senior adults, featuring customizable lifestyle options. That means, if you're someone that's like Listen, I just want to stay in and eat jell O. We've got a plan for you. But if you're somebody like listen, I just want to go out and bang every widow that's on my floor. Well that they've probably got something. They got social clubs, you go, what do they got? Educational workshops? Check? Social

Huh.

Anyway, I'm excited that Watermere at round Rock is now accepting old people ages fifty five and up. All right, see next week.