My Santa!!! - TJ Jones

If you could do me one favor, I'd really love to have a conversation with Sanna. Is that possible.

I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.

Daniel Kasha Cosha show show you scumbag, ye maggot, you cheap lousy, Welcome to dash Show. Merry Christmas.

You know that song, Eddie, I've only heard it when you pointed it out.

To you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap blousy. Now, in fairness, there is a new version where they say you're a cheap ben I've had it. That's how they That's how they get away from the problematic original version that had hate speech. Yep, just right there for all to sing in harmony together. What's the song called Somebody in New York? Fairy Tale of New York, fairy Tale of New York, emphasis on fairy different time, different times when that was re recorded in twenty eighteen.

Yes, okay, not so long ago.

Actually, hey, for our Christmas episode, my son I saved one of his bedtime stories from when he was three that we used to air at the end of every episode. I saved one of them that was Christmas themed. Gonna play it at the end of this episode.

Thanks gift.

What a gift for all anyway, so excited about Christmas, so many traditions. Eddie is a part of my Christmas. Every year we do the white Elephant, big Christmas Eve party. We get some bad barbecue and we all meet at my house and we do the white Elephant. But this year Eddie's not shown.

Up going to see my family in Texas.

Why Christmas isn't in Texas. We've had some pretty good white elephants. Now one year. I'm just gonna go through some of the stuff that your family has gone home with a authentic digerido. Your daughter got that, your son once got for me, a key West lighter with some titties on it that light up, and uh, fifty dollars in cash.

That was a good one.

I always go for gifts that people are gonna want to steal right away and get angry about. And getting your two kids to fight at against each other is always fun.

Yeah, Mia definitely wanted a fifty.

Well, sure there's fifty dollars in cash, all in ones fresh wad. They're like, look at this good. Well, the thing is, we don't really put a limit on the gifts, so it's funny. Like my brother shows up his family. They just stop at a gas station on the way up and hahaha, look at this garbage. Nobody wants it.

Me.

I put some time into the White Elephant gift and one year I had a cool retro jacket and my brother in law, when he was a child in his underwear. I had it put on the back of this jacket. It was real sexy. He just got like a fifteen year old boy in his underwear on the back of your jacket. Well, for some reason, Eddie's daughter went crazy over it.

Mea got it? Really, who you cannot wear this school? You can't wear this at Well.

The funny thing was she was just so excited by this little boy and his underwear. And then we're like, you know that little boy is this man that's sitting right across from us right now?

What's funny?

She had no she had no idea. She was humiliated. She's like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't Actually I didn't know you were a real person. What other traditions do we have?

We still got that good puzzle?

Oh that was right. We did a puzzle one year. We took a photo of my wife's cousin from when she was trying to be sexy like a homecoming dance, and we had that blown up and put into a puzzle. That's a good gift if you take somebody's ridiculous childhood photos and turn them into a puzzle.

Yeah, no, one's still in the cabin. We rent it to people. They probably do that puzzle.

Yeah, you leave that puzzle out. Let people enjoy it. Keep thinking about that song. My favorite, my favorite Christmas song, like modern Christmas song. I like that that Liam Payne song alright, p rip. I also like that cold Play song Christmas Lights. Those Christmas lights light up the hey, ugh, you know what song I like what the Little Drummer Boy for King and Country. You ever listen to their version? No? Is that what it's called for Kings and Country? For

How you doing, Daniel well?

Other than Christmas, past, present and future? Do you believe in ghosts? Yes, you really do, TJ.

I really do. My family saw one when I was.

A kid, when you were a kid, did you see it?

All four of us?

Did you you saw it as well?

Yes, we were driving on a road in Texas called Highway sixty seven and we saw a cowboy walking a horse on the side of the road and as we close to it, he dissolved in the mist.

I mean, has a great story.

That's a good one.

I mean it's not believable at all, but I love it.

It was one of those things, all four of us, What did you see?

Well?

What did you see? What did you see? What did you see? Everybody's like, well, this is what I saw.

So you on your way to Midland.

Mid Lothian, little small town south of Dallas Fort.

Worth, All right, talk about your hometown.

Uh, mid Lothian, Texas. When I left there in nineteen eighty. It population was thirty five hundred. It's now population is thirty five thousand. It's exploded. It used to be known as the cement capital of the world. Oh, that was it's claim to fame because it was on a limestone ridge that produced top quality concrete.

I guess how was your childhood there?

It was great. I mean I lived on about two and a half acres. We could go out and essentially walk across the street and go hunting rabbits or go fishing in the numerous ponds out there.

And do you have siblings?

Yeah, I have one brother that I grew up with, and then he's technically a half brother, but he's my brother. And then I have another brother and sister that I didn't meet until I was twenty eight.

How was that meeting?

That was cool? It was just like, oh, okay, so here we are.

You were in the Navy for eleven years, Thank you for your service. For part of that you were stationed at the South Pole. Yep, that's a little ironic, don't you think.

It's often funny how life throws little curveballs at us. And that was one of the biggest curveballs of all. I lived at the South Pole and work at the North Pole.

How was the South Pole?

It's a stark, desolate beauty like you wouldn't believe. I mean, it's mine numbingly cold obviously, but everything is blue white or a shade thereof and you just look around and as the sun setting, which you know it only does once, it kind of does this wave in the sky as it's going by until it finally sets completely. I loved it.

It was it really Yeah. How long were you there?

I did three summers and then one full year.

The seat when you go from the tip of South America too, I mean it's it's uh, that's some really rough seas through there, isn't it. Mm hmm. I mean yeah, that's that's That's a I've actually wanted to go. Well, I don't ever want to go any place, but I've always thought that I'd like to go to the South Pole. Eh, how'd you first decide to be a Santa?

My daughter, who was an Irish dancer, she's just a general dancer, if you will now. Her dance teacher, Maggie Cleary from Cleary Irish Dance told me, tej you are going to be a Santa this year. And when Maggie tells you to do something, we call it being voluntold hu. And so I was like, you know, okay, Maggie and I went and bought a suit, grew my beard for about two and a half months, and everybody there thought I was the greatest Santa ever. I mean I bought

Uh huh.

I went and I watched every video. I went on YouTube and watched everything. I watched every Christmas movie. I found out who all the players were. I went to two Santa schools that year.

Santa School. Yeah, man, all right, talk to me about that. You attended Charles W. Howard Santa School in Michigan in case you didn't get in. Did you have a backup Santa School?

There are at least five Santa schools that I know of in America.

How long is the program?

It's two to four days, okay, And but I mean you go over, they teach you some sign language, and they teach you how to do a proper ho ho ho. They teach you how to do your hair, your beard.

Was it enjoyable?

Yeah? It really was.

Any black Santa's there, yes, okay, how about women, Yes, okay, we're allowed. We're having female Santas now.

There are at least three that I know here in southern California.

I like it. I like it. They're probably going to be asked to stop this Christmas.

They're very good. The thing is, you wouldn't know that they're when they're in there full on Santa persona. You would not know that they are of the fairer sex.

Gotcha. You studied under Timothy Conahan m okay, who was inducted into the Santa Hall of Fame. Yeah, what mall is that in.

The Santa Hall of Fame is in Santa Claus, Indiana. Actually, uh. And Tim is brilliant at this. He's I kind of aspire to have the career he's had. He does the tree lightings at Rockefeller Center, he's been on stage with Mariah Carey, He's gone to the White House and been Santa. You wouldn't be too inaccurate in saying he's the top of the heap right now.

Okay, what does it cost to attend a Santa school.

Depends on the school, anywhere from three hundred to six.

Hundred they put you up.

No. Tim Conahan has had his school here twice and I've gone both times. But the place he had it was literally nine miles from my house. So is wake up, go to school?

What are the guidelines a person must follow to be Santa Is? Is there a code of conduct?

Well? Yeah, I mean we all do background checks and get full insurance and all that stuff.

Well the insurance, what's that to cover?

It covers if you get hurt, if somebody else gets hurt on the set while you're there. There is, you know, unfortunately required these days, an anti molestation writer on it.

That's great. Yeah, I mean I was hoping that that was on there now.

Yeah. Absolutely.

What do you look for when you're judging if another there's Sanna is a good Santa or not?

Generally you can't really tell without a conversation, but you can sort of get that Santa heart vibe from them if they have it or if they don't. And I mean there's some Santas that are absolutely phenomenal, But I mean, if you've taken the time to get a good suit and put the red suit on. Odds, are your heart's in the right place, because it's it's not an inexpensive endeavor.

What you read on Eddie as a Santa. I've had him dress up for my kids before. Completely they had no idea, they lost their mind. My nephew's nieces, they all loved it.

Brief meeting with Eddie and from the conversations I've had, I think he'd be pretty good at.

It, all right. There is the Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas. That is, of course, if you're are you allowed to discuss this?

Sure?

Okay? Well, I don't know. I don't know if there's rule. It's a real thing.

Yes, there's there's two groups, the International Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santa's and the Eternal Order of Real beard at Santas, and I'm a member of both.

I know the Fraternal Order of Police. I remember doing telemarketing for them when I was a kid. How long if you shaved down clean would it take you to get back?

About eighteen months to get to this level. But I could get a Santa passable beard in about six.

Mm hm, six months? Do you when's the last time you went.

Clean October twenty third, two thousand and two. That was my high school reunion. That's why I remember I shaved for that.

I couldn't grow beard. This is as good as I tried to grow this out for you. It's it's sad. I've never I've never been able to really grow proper facial hair. What do you think of these Santas that don't have the real beard?

The ability to grow facial hair does not make you a Santa. It's it's nice and I mean, I love the fact that I can put this on, and so when a kid comes up and gives me the Natalie wood Ed Gwynn tug, I can Yeah, it's really glued on there. You don't look down on them, huh, not at all. I have a one of my better Santa friends, James Dinwoodie, is a designer bearded Santa we call him, and he when he puts his beard on, he looks top notch.

Yeah, once you put the suit on, is you're like, are you? How different does your persona become?

I'm a little jollier. I think I like to think I'm a reasonably nice person, but I think i'm even nicer. I'm you know, very attuned to other people. I'm more attuned, possibly to other people's feelings. I think in the suit I can just I read body language better. I feel like, as silly as that sounds, it's just you pay attention and you just notice when people are really you know, comfortable.

Are kids afraid of you or you are? Because some people don't have that ability to I don't know, so you know, some people we are just better at making kids feel comfortable.

My wife calls me the baby whisper. They all seem to like me. And even the ones you get two to three is the age where they're like, nah, I ain't going to seeing the big red guy with the beard. Even them, I'm usually able to get a great photo for their parents.

Have you seen people lines get a little you know, people getting out of control.

I wouldn't say out of control. I've seen people get you know, a little testy, but it's you know, as soon as they get back up to me, they realize I don't want to be on the naughty list. It's funny. Even adults behave better around me when I'm in the suit.

Have you heard heartbreaking stories from kids on your lap?

Yes?

Yeah, I don't know why it's not. Don't read my smile the wrong way, but I just I can't imagine what that's like.

It's my grandmother passed away a week ago, ken, and I said, I know she did. She loves you, my reindeer and I fly very high, and I will give her any message you want.

What about getting the parents back together?

Is that still a wish that sometimes happens? And when it comes to that, I tell them Santa's magic is mostly toys. Here's the thing to remember. Your mom still loves you, your dad still loves you, and Santa loves you.

You should just keep going, just full, just interrogate him and pick sides like I think your dad's what age? Do you notice some kids stop believing?

They tend to the ten year old eight nine to ten year old range. Usually some last a little longer, some a little earlier. But if you're a good Santa, and I like to think that I'm a pretty good one, I can usually bring them back.

What did you tell your kids? Eddie. Did you tell him?

I think oll of it, kind of like found out on his own little bit.

But what age are we talking about?

I would say like around eight to nine.

Yeah, eight to nine. That's too young. You gotta keep that, you gotta keep it going longer.

Yeah, keep the magic as long as you can.

Did you do like children? Yes? Very much. Have you always liked him?

I didn't realize how much I did until I had my own.

How many kids you have two? You have a six year old son?

Yes?

Does he know you are Santa?

He does?

Does he think you're the real Sanna?

I think he knows that I'm a Santa's helper, but that that me and all of my friends we help Santas because he comes to some like he's come to a Santa meeting, which you know, there'll be twenty Santa is sitting around, and he'll walk up and he'll decide, no, this one's my favorite Santa this time, and he'll go and just hang out with him.

That's pretty cool growing up having dad as a Santa. Now, wait, let's talk about this. You're not you have a six year old son. Some people that are watching this might be like, wait a second, missus Claws. How young is she?

Missus Claws is considerably younger Thane.

Way to go, Sanna, that sounds funny when you live in California. Like, I'll tell you a story about myself. I have a five year old son, and among some of his friends, I'm the old dad, you know, and had him in my forties and my son. You can never call me the old dad in front of my son. He will start to cry because he's processed that when you're old, eventually you're gone. And so he doesn't like people to call me the old dad because he thinks

When I start off, I'm about two thirty five.

Oh yeah, you're not a small party. You don't look you don't look two thirty five to me.

Well, I'm to eat down too, and some change.

I get you. So, what's the biggest you've ever been in your life?

About two thirty five?

So you're not going to put on any weight for this? No, do you wear? Did you wear any extra stuffing?

No?

Is that frowned upon?

No? They are sentas that do it. My view of it is I diet for an entire year and then Christmas Eve I eat eight billion cookies. That's why all the photos you see of me when I'm so gigantic.

You work out? Yeah, what's your workout?

We have a peloton at home. I have dumbbells and kettlebells. I used to run a lot, but I've discovered that that actually strips too much weight off of me.

So you don't want to be you don't want to be lean.

I don't want to be a ripped Santa. There are some there are several Santas that could take the sleeves off of their red suits and you'd be like, hey, gum Santa.

You wear a Malsanta just one year? What's the pay structure for malsandas? What could a high end mall Santa pull in for the season, and how long is the season?

The season can be anywhere from November first to about November fifteenth to January first.

Wait, wait January first.

There are people that don't do Christmas. Some of the Eastern European areas they do New Year's Eve.

Okay, I thought people were like coming to you with complaints or returns. Not first year mal Santa. What's he pulling in.

Depends on where he is. But like I had the pike down in Long Beach and we don't like to talk about money, but I made over seventy five an hour.

Mm hmm okay, and now privates, that's when the money starts to get interesting. You can make a good it's a good side hustle. Is that fair to say?

It's very fair to say. There are Santas who are definitively making six figures.

Off just being a Santa Claus being said, that's exciting. I mean that's what you want. You want Santa to get paid. Is there a pecking order of the gigs that you want? Like, you've done some pretty great You've had some pretty good gigs, La Rams. Are you there at your official Santa Claus.

I'm not their official one, but I'm going to be at their family party on the twenty third, and they have a home game, I believe the twenty second, And while they tend to be somewhat late in their booking, I have left that specific window open for them.

Do you hate the Chargers?

Now? The Chargers were to call me up and say We've got two home games, and I'd be like, and this year I'd have to say, I'm sorry you waited too long.

You work with the same assistant Elves or is that just random?

The Rams I have the same ELF, but private party sometimes they'll book Elves differently. Last year I had a private party that had five little people as Elves, and I didn't know it going in, So I walked in and went, Okay, this is the coolest.

Thing ever you ever seen? This video? It's one of my favorite videos. It's Mike Tyson and this little person he's twenty seven, comes up to him and Mike doesn't know that it's a little person and just starts holding them and snuggling them and giving them kisses, and the guys like trying to beat them off, like, hey, I'm twenty seven, and Mike's like, baby, it's just delight. Every time I watch that video, I can just laugh for the next fifteen minutes. You might have no idea.

Now I'm going to be in up YouTube when I leave here.

You'll like it. You'll like it. Let's say your calendar's wide open. How much for you to show up Christmas morning and let my kids catch you leaving gifts?

If you actually wanted to do that, probably five hundred bad.

I mean, it's kind of ruined your Christmas morning, but.

Catching Santa sleeping is one that they really seem to light what Christmas morning? Come in and I'm leaning back in a chair in your house with my empty cup of cocoa or milk and some cookies left, and the kids come in, Sayara'szanna, Well.

I gotta get on the sled and you get out.

I hand them three four presents and I said, you want me? You want? I said, I've done my old deliveries. You were the last house. Would you like me to pass out your presents for you? Pass out all the presents. I'm there for half an hour or so.

Boom gone, unbelievable. I mean, he's got your own kid to get home too. Yeah, that's nice to yea though. Are we supposed to tip too?

That's entirely up to you. Some do, some don't. We've booked on a pre arranged amount. I know what that amount is. If that's what you feel my services are worth excellent?

Do we go through a union? Are we going just directly to you?

I have a few different people that I work with and or four, but you can go straight to my website and say I want you Christmas morning at six am, and I'll say your thing.

What about what about the the whip? No, the bell? The bell? Yeah? They Salvation Army Santas.

Those are mostly volunteer positions. M h. I do a lot of pro bono work in addition to paid jobs. And the guys who do Salvation Army I absolutely tip my furry hat to them. I'll never walk by a Salvation Army Santa and not put something in their bucket.

Well, I mean, do they look at you and go, oh wow, that's the real Santa.

We generally give each other a wink.

You're the official Santa of the La Zoo.

That's right.

I've recently been told that the La Zoo is one that I'm allowed to go to with my children. That they they're actually really really good, uh, with animals and stuff like that.

Not they they have a wonderful enrichment department. It's a great great zoo. It's actually bigger than the San Diego Zoo. It's and their enclosures are all much larger, and the animals all seem to really be content there.

If you will, does Santa deal with animals too?

Or no, I will deal with it depends on the animal.

And you wrestle a bear, nah.

No, I've scratched one behind the ears though.

That's pretty good.

Yeah. There are people who have exotic pets that come to some of these events, and I've had a raccoon in my lap. I've had a possum in my lap. I've had a python wrapped around my shoulders.

You ever eat reindeer? No, let's say, well, I I what's you a call? Whatever? You're in Alaska? That's like like breakfast.

You order and it's like, oh, they have every reindeer sausage.

Reindeer sausage is always like an option.

I'm way too close to reindeer to eat them.

November through December, I get the Santa stuff, but it has become more and more. It's expanding more and more of the year that you're doing these things. You do some Santa stuff in July.

Christmas in July is becoming more and more popular. There's a few things that come up in January, and photo shoots actually start as early as September because people want them for the Christmas cards. I have baking Santa, I

You know so, I cause your game you spray it off the first tea.

Oh, I'm a hacker. I'm I would have to improve dramatically to be terrible.

I think it'd be great if you if you just hit a shot and then just start swearing up a storm. I think they'd love it.

I can't do it.

No, All right, weirdest Santa gig you've ever taken.

Weirdest Oh, gosh.

And are there any gigs that you wouldn't take.

I tend to stay away from more A don't theme stuff because it's there are there are plenty of Santas that'll do it, and I just I like being there more for the children.

Right, Like, so if somebody calls you for some Hollywood sex party, you're like, all right, this is not appropriate.

Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry, Santa. Is you know that's too close to one of my other bookings. I'd love to but no, thank you.

I mean, I'm just guessing that they've made the call before. I just found out that those things exist. I never knew. I always thought that.

You never got invited.

Never in my life. Favorite Christmas movie.

Miracle on thirty Fourth Street, Edmund Gwynn. He laid the framework that pretty much every Santa, maybe even in the world, is following now.

Favorite comedy Santa movie like Modern.

Christmas Chronicles with Kurt Russell's pretty tough to be, is it?

I haven't seen it.

He's funny in it because he makes fun of some of the Santa tropes, like being really really fat, and but just he brings the Kurt Russell brand of humor. Perfectly to that role. He was a great Santa.

Did you enjoy Bad Santa?

No? And I only watched a little of it, and I'm not gonna watch the rest of it. I'm just it's like, I know the Santa I want to be, I know what I want to portray, and I don't want.

Any What about Elf? Where he at on Elf?

I liked Elf?

Oh, it's a great movie.

Was so he was an ed Asner's in the Santa Hall of Fame. He's another excellent Santa underrated And my.

Daughter looked like ed Asner for like the first eight months of her life. I found it very disturbing every time I looked at him, like, you look a lot like ed Asner. What about Tim Allen is Santa Claus?

He was a very good Santa Claus because he managed to combine a great Santa with the persona of Tim Allen that we all know and like and you know the whole My favorite scene in that movie is when the cop is grilling him over what's his name? He said, Chris Kringle, what's your name? Centri Claus, what's your name? He got so mad at him.

What's your favorite? Tim Allen persona Eddie.

I like him in a Galaxy quest.

No, I like him when Who's in jail?

That's true.

Where are you at on a Hallmark Christmas movies?

Somebody wants me to be a Santa ane one. I'm happy to do it.

They haven't asked you yet.

Not yet.

Oh no, that's something we need to make happen. I'm a huge Hallmark Christmas fan. I just like them that they make me feel good. They're simple in the background.

Simple but basic but lovely stories and the inevitably you know, somewhere in Vermont.

Oh yeah, and be a kiss at the end. That's what I like. Does your wife get into it or is she like this is a bit much.

She loves it. She adores it. When I'm Santa, she's her joke. Is I think I have a problem?

Ah?

Yeah, I mean that's like a real thing. You're like, she's she's in bed with Santa every night. It's fun. You drive at Tesla, a red Tesla with the license plate that says Santa on and a personalized plate. Yep, so you're you're you've embraced this completely.

I love doing it. I absolutely love doing this.

Daniel. One year, my son went for Halloween. He went to Santa and it was the best Halloween costume is his life because everyone everywhere he went, people just kept screaming Sanna, and he just thought he was like such a star all day. So I just imagine all day long, you're just dealing with this.

I get passed on the freeway and I'll see people's break lights all of a sudden light up and they'll sloop slide up beside me, and I'll hit the autopilot roll the window down for him because I know their passenger is gonna be there with the phone and I'm you know, right there in the window.

They're probably like, who's that young hot wife next to him? Business Claus is gonna be furious. Everybody's on the show, TJ. I I give him a gift. Uh, it's just I just unl o stuff from my house. It's been it's been my joke. So let's see what I have for Santa. It's also very fun to give gifts to Santam. Now, the first thing I'm given is not for you. I'm giving this to your son. Okay, this is a slot

No, I've been here. It's just it seems to be like the hottest sport in the country.

So well, now you got to pick a ball net, A horrible pick like that was during the pandemic. I set that up in my driveway. Uh and I played all the time, and now I don't I don't need that anymore. What else do I got for Santa? A couple of beanies to keep you warm? I don't wear beanies, not those anymore. Not here the kids, they're full of germs, and I'm guessing this new administration is never gonna let us wear a mask again. So I wanted to get

Yeah, I'm seventeen hundred and fifty four years old. This year turned that on Mark sixteenth. I was born in Ptera, which is now part of modern day Turkey. I gradually evolved during the Reformation when they banned saints. I was technically banned, so the Germans came up with something called Christ Kendall, which literal translation is the Christ child who's bringing the presence. Christ Kendall eventually evolved through linguistics. To Chris Kringle, this is way too deep.

So you know everything. You know that he was a patron saint of children, but also the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, brewers, pawnbrokers, toymakers, unmarried people, and students in various European cities.

I knew everything, I think, except the students in various europe In cities.

What is what does that even me? I literally just found this out as I was reading it.

But I didn't know he was the patron's saint of pawnbrokers. That's why in the old school pawn shops they used to have three balls over the door. And that's because Saint Nicholas took three bags of gold and gave it to a gentleman who couldn't afford a dowry for his daughters. And those three bags of gold became the three balls over a pawnshop.

This isn't your full time gig.

No, I'm a voice actor and I work at Trident Tive Equipment. We sell wholesale scuba gear. Basically, every little gadget that you have if you dive, is almost guaranteed to be made by us.

I've never scuba dived.

Oh okay, well you ought to out here.

I live in the ocean. I surf every day in my life. I've never scuba dived.

See. I surfed a little bit when I was in Hawaii, but I discovered that I like diving so much better. It's just you're on top of a world that you can't imagine.

I can imagine it, and I get a little claustrophobics thinking about it.

Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But you know out here we have the California spiny lobster Panelerus and Eruptus delicious, and you can take seven of them a day.

Do you spearfish?

I used to, not so much anymore. Mostly I just it's like scallops and lobsters are my seafood of choice. If I'm going to be collecting.

Myself year round, you can collect seven.

No, no, no, there's a season.

I got it. That's nice. I always know when that's happening because some of my neighbors are generous and they share. What about free divers? You ever deal with? You ever do any of that nonsense? H I have.

But it's just like why I can put a tank on and stay down for an hour or you know, it's it's fabulous physical conditioning. And I mean I can hold my breath for three to five minutes.

Hold on, we're going to stop right here. You can hold your breath for three to five minutes. That is so impressive to me. I can maybe get to a minute. Ten.

You could practice it for two hours and you'd be up to two minutes.

I've practiced my whole I've served my whole life. I can never I've never been able to hold my breath that long. Three to five minutes, that's forever. You can fake your death for three to five minutes. That's that's crazy. Favorite brand of wet.

Suit, oh jeez, probably body glove.

What's the thickest wetsuit you've ever put on.

Put on a nine mil.

But oh my goodness, how do you move?

You kind of don't. I like the seven mil hyper stretches are best for me. I mean I find that. I get it's they have almost the mobility of a three mil, but they do give you the warmth of a seven mil.

Have you ever gone gone underwater? Like under ice? Yeah? Is that terrifying a little bit?

A little bit? We did the polar plunge in Antarctica, so oh yeah, you cut a hole in the ice, you stripped down to absolutely nothing and put a rope around you jump in.

I do it in Ta How every year I jump into the winter. Yeah nice. Oh yeah, it'll wake you up. They say think before you sink. It's kind of a slogan because apparently some people die all the time doing it. Like they jump in, they have a heart attack and it's like, all right, you're not coming back up.

It's like, you wonder how penguins can do that jump. It's because the water's that gold.

What's your scuba business do? During this peak Santa season.

Incredibly works out well because scuba tends to slow down in November and December, so they're able to give me very generous some time off and I get to go do events, work, preschools and different stuff like that.

It's just weird for growing up, you know, landlocked in the middle of Texas there in Navy Scuba.

Santa, I myself am often puzzled by how life works, but here we are.

How long are you gonna do it.

Until I am? I feel that I'm not convincing in the role, So I mean, I like to think that I've got another fifteen twenty years in me.

It's one of the few jobs that you age into, not age out of, exactly, TJ. I appreciate you coming on the show, but if you could do me one favor, I'd really love to have a conversation with Santa. Is that possible.

I'm pretty sure I can make that happen.

Daniel, Holy cow, All right, Santa, let's get down to it now.

A low young Daniel.

It's very nice to meet you.

It's lovely to see you again. You've met me before. It was a long time ago.

Oh, I've been a big fan of yours since I can remember. Although I at one point I did find an area in my basement in Saint Louis that had a lot of gifts with a blanket piled over it. I don't know if you were just being lazy and you weren't traveling with them, but.

Well, you know, moms and dad's gift presents too, not my parents.

Let me ask you a couple questions, if you don't mind saying a favorite cookies.

Oh, it's hard to top a good chuck chip.

You like sea salt on it?

Sometimes? Yeah, it's one of those things where you want a little variety. So sometimes a little sea salt is great. Sometimes just a good clean toll house can't be beat.

Well, exactly you're doing with all that milk?

Well, fortunately Santa is not lacked OS intolerant, so it helps to wash down that many cooks.

I couldn't. I can't imagine having to drink a glass of milk just over and over. That's a either. They have that milk gallon challenge. If you can drink a gallon of milk without throwing up, it's impossible. You lie awake at night worrying about type two diabetes.

No, I get quite a bit of exercise. You gotta remember, I'm going up and down chimneys all night long.

Why chimneys?

Well, if you don't have a chimney, I do have a magic key that'll unlike any house. But the chimney's just made for a dramatic entrance.

I mean, I tell you, it just seems like there's easier ways to get into the house. Can you look into the camp and tell my son to use more than two squares of toilet paper when he's wiping, and please let him know that he needs to wipe more than one time.

Hygiene is very important, young man. Be sure you get good and clean.

That's a Christmas miracle.

That would be a Christmas miracle.

Daniel, I've been meaning to ask, how's your brother Andrew's kids, Ryan and Ada?

Oh wow, well you forgot James.

Well, James is on the nice list. Okay, I wasn't concerned about him the other two. You know.

That's fair. That's fair. Are you allowed to tell us who's on the list or is that completely confidential?

No?

Well just let me s if I can read you, you tell me if the person's on a naughtier nice list. Aaron Rodgers, he's right on the borderline, okay, Jewish people.

There's tons of Jewish people on the nice list.

Good good to hear. I didn't know. I didn't know if there was rules. Well, listen, Santa, is there anything we can do as a society to make the world a better place? What should we be doing?

Be kind? Be kind to everyone, even if you don't feel like being kind. Kindness goes so far and is in such short supply. You have one of the kindest hearts I've seen. You tried not to hide it under your sarcasm, but I know the real heart of.

Daniel Ah from Santa's lips. Listen, thank you so much for making everybody's year a little more enjoyable. We appreciate everything you do, and good luck this Christmas.

Thank you so much. Oh wait, Sanna can't leave just yet.

Oh no, oh my god, Oh no. I didn't ask for anything, Santa.

I know, but the show did.

What is it? Look at this? This is nice your son, So I don't open it now? Okay, that's really nicey. I'm gonna get this off my desk.

This one, Daniel opens.

I opened this. Open it now you can if you like.

And I have something for John Good.

This guy knows everybody that works on the show and for Pete. It looks like the same thing. Something for Dylan No one remembers Dylan Dylana Israel.

And a little something for Eddie.

Ed look at this, unbelievable. Well you know what, I'm just gonna crack mine open real quick. Here. Oh Santa, Oh look at this, but this is for your daughter. Oh my goodness, Holy moly, this is unbelievable. It's like Christmas today. Look at this. I got a knife. I'm cool,

Absolutely, thank you, sir. Probably ought to open that much to opening.

Do I need a knife for this one?

No? That one. You should be able to just tear right into.

This looks like like you're giving me a flag for like one of my oh oh, look at this.

If you're gonna have a mug, you need something to drink out of it.

Hot cocoa bombs and then nice. Thank you so much, and everybody on the show on behalf of them. Thank you absolutely can I can I get I ask for a big ho ho ho. Merry Christmas, Daniel, Merry Christmas.

I'll see you Christmas Eve, but you'd better not see me.

Casha, Thank you, TJ, and thank you Santa. That was a real treat to have you guys on the show. By the way, his gifts. I had one of those bombs, those hot chocolate bombs. They were delicious. Now, the problem I had, I don't mean to complain to Santa, is at they really stayed congealed at the bottom of the mug. It didn't fully dissolve it. It almost couldn't, but I mean, but it tasted well. I don't even like things that have marshmallows built in, but they they pretty much disintegrated,

Give me a good time in the saul Sawt Sawt sau Away City where two little elsies they sane insane, but one of the elk didn't know what is honey. They sounded wind Deal and the name was food Gin Rain Deal, but David didn't know what her name was. So they wandered around and then they was so sob that the bad guy Gadyway har it was boat that we was seeing and night got the Pope Frederick Tis but one sin, we sounded true, we sounded peaks in the tune?

Is that the end of the story. I don't understand any of the end