My Oscars Predictions

remember if that was it or not. It's in that vault bark. I'm making up words, obviously, but it's somewhere in there. You ever, you and your kid or any any of your friends. Do you have any cool handshakes? No? No, it's cool handshakes, man. I always get impressed with the elaborate handshakes that I see some of these athletes pull off, and then they have a different one for each player and they remember them, right, That's the most impressive part.

So quick, I I gotta come up with a cool hand I saw some kids at school when I was dropping my son off do a cool handshake when they greeted each other. They were like fifth graders, and I was like, oh, I was telling my son, we need to come up with a cool handshake, and he was like, yeah, I don't. He didn't care. We just hug. Yeah, we hug. What we do? He just balls crying and I just hug him and I whisper in his ear. I don't want you to leave either. I remember that one. That's

our cool little routine. Whatever. Hey, this episode, guys, we are featuring two new segments, like you know, yep, we got Dan's Hacks and Deer Toss Show. I'm here for it. What do you want to hear first? Dad? I want to Dan's hack dance hacks. Okay, hit the music for dance hacks, all right, now Dan's acts what I'm hoping for? You know, you ever on the internet loves to have hacks, right, and sometimes these things go viral really quickly. Oh my goodness,

I didn't. I didn't know you could peel a hard boiled egg just by squeezing it in your armpit whatever it is. Yeah, seriously, some dumb stuff. Well, I'm hoping some of my Dan's hacks catch fire. Now. My first one is for milkshakes. Okay, who doesn't love a milkshake? Okay? The problem is a lot of times when you have your milkshake, sometimes you want to you want to save it, or you put it in the refrigerator, or you put it in the freezer. What do you do, Eddie? Would

you put yours in the refrigerator or the freezer? Refrigerator? And then if you don't have it within thirty minutes, it gets to watery. The refrigerator isn't cold enough, but the freezer it gets frozen solid, and then when it thaws out, the consistency is forever ruined. So here it is Dan's Hacks for Milkshakes. When I get a milkshake, this is what I do. I finish it dance tacks.

All right, Now it's time for Dear Toss Show. And this is a segment where I'm going to allow fans to write in any potential problem or grievance they have, much like the storied advice column of Dear Abby. Now this one, this first one comes to us. It's not really a fan. I'll be honest, and this person doesn't want my advice. That's what I like about this segment. Let's just say they were talking and I was just listening to them, and I'm not allowed to chime in.

So the guy she's dating, she's claiming is emotionally unavailable. Here's how I fix that. Uh No, he's not okay. He dude just doesn't like you that much. That's just it. It's just so similar. You're telling if Zendeia is sitting on your couch, I'm guessing you become emotionally too available. You wouldn't even care what you were planning on watching. Now, It's just like, tell me about your dreams. Oh, I'd love to hear about the time you had a dog

that ran away but came back. It's just it's so silly. I just was listening. I couldn't I couldn't help myself. I just kept wanting to go, oh yeah, I know, totally unavailable. I love Zendia. Is she too young for me to love her? Nope? Good. Speaking of Zendeia, it's Oscar's time enjoy Casha. The Oscars, my favorite night of the year. Do you watch the Oscars? Yeah? We do. Don't care about the movies. That doesn't affect if I

watch or don't watch. It's all about the host for me, if I'm interested in the host comedically, I will watch the monologue. Past the monologue. I'm out, you're done, I'm done. So this year it's Conan O'Brien. Yeah, that'd be funny if Will Smith slapped him right like holy shit, like you know, because Conan. Conan is a big guy, he's like six' four ish and then his his pale irish skin would just a big red handprint on the side of his head for the second. Half that's a tough.

Gig now you have to you have to like when they come to, you be, like, hey AM i gonna be physically? Assaulted and will you will you do nothing about it IF i am physically. ASSAULTED a lot of people have asked, me fans IF i would ever host any of these award, shows and the answer, IS i don't. Know i've never been. Asked they never asked. Me i'm

probably not famous enough to get the. Invite but another thing is a lot of times they're on a network that's owned by another company and they have a vested interest in the person that's hosting the. Show there's usually a. Connection oh IT'S, abc so It's Jimmy, kimmel it's you, know you get. IT i also would struggle so bad with the names of all the actors and people in these, awards and people would be baffled by how LITTLE i

know about people that are clearly extremely. Famous oh, Now i'm not saying THAT i wouldn't do, it And i'm not saying THAT i. COULD i. COULDN'T i couldn't pull it. Off you'd kill you. Know i've never even asked been asked to present an, award which that's pretty, insulting you, know not even like on like the shitty award, shows you, KNOW mtv or. Whatever. Whatever i'm, So i'm so. MAD i would have some. DEMANDS i would have a list of demands that would have to be agreed upon BEFORE

i would agree to host this big old train wreck. Them, no, NO i don't have them, yet just just in. THEORY i KNOW i would have some. Demands Now i've written a joker to for uh some. Hosts you, know if it's different comics that are going around practicing AND uh and they're friends of, mine well then Then i'm all about trying to punch up some. Jokes that's that's. Fun and then when you hear them say your joke or don't do it the right. Way you're just at home. Going,

well you ruined. It that's not the way you're supposed to deliver. It the biggest problem with the oscars usually it's too. Long it's a bunch of, elitists and the movies. SUCKED i. Got here's a few few. Fixes some new CATEGORIES i like best crafty and. Catering focus on the one thing that cast and crews actually give a shit. About like that to me is. Interesting what kind of food did you guys? Have let's see some spreads show. Us is the cruise food drastically different than the stars

THE a list stars of the. Movies are they in line or do they just get to go. FIRST i want to, know AND i want to and you, know just the. Overall forget the catering. PART i want to see craft. Service we're just the table of cool. Snacks they always find some fun stuff in. There they got those candy. Cigarettes, yeh that'd be. Neat here's another an

award THAT i. WANT i want best Background. Extra give recognition to the guy that stood in the freezing cold for fifteen hours dressed in something from the goddamn middle ages for one hundred and fifty bucks or whatever the daily rate for some non union work. IS i would love to see that guy get called. Up he's not allowed to. Speech they shut his micro for as soon as he gets up, there he's not allowed to. Talk, okay he's just got to take the trophy and walk.

Away that's. It you're an extra, yea you don't get to. Talk there shouldn't be award for best. Sound it should go without saying. That we should all be able to hear and understand the dialogue in the. Movie you could also combine some cinematography in there was this movie too dark AND i couldn't make shit out BECAUSE i didn't watch it at. Nighttime i'm looking ways to speed it. Up the other way to speed it, up how about. This no best actor, actress supporting actor, actress no best

actor that identifies as an. Actress it's just best. Actor no one cares your gender or the size of the. Role there's just One best. Actor. BOOM i just knocked out four or five different categories in one. Awards that's an. Hour now it's down to five. Minutes the show's too. Long acceptance speeches go too. Long the accept of the speeches are supposed to be forty five. Seconds, okay let's throw up a shot. Clock that's. Fun now you're at

home watching On uh, oh they're not wrapping it. Up but, Wait instead of some orchestra trying to play him off with some soft, bullshit we Get pantera coming in. Hot forty five seconds is. Up, Boom pantera is on. It good luck trying to wrap up your speech while this is going. ON i want, to Thank. GOD i want to show my political views down your throat and get it all right. Enough you, SEE i. CAN'T i can't do a podcast while that's going. On by the, way

once the show hits the two hour, mark it's. It it's. Done any categories that they didn't get, to, uh they get to go first next. Year show some respect to the viewers at. Home they have to Work monday. Morning you guys get to go to some cool after party and have in and. Out oh my, goodness look we're eating like fucking poor. People be In memoriam too. Long also bad music. CHOICE i, say bring the host back. Out let's do more stand up during. This let's Bring

Jeff ross. Out let him fire off a few shots at each person that's died As, yeah that's kind of. Fun that's more. Fun and by the, way if we need to see your name and your job description under your, photo sorry you. Don't you don't make. It we'll create one dead person collage one and. Done all, right they're, out and The Best picture nominees here we. Go let's get into. It Best picture. Nominees this is the problem with the. Show there's. Ten we all. Know there's not

ten good movies that come out every. Year some years there's barely. Two and by the, WAY i, feel if you Won Best picture last, year then you are the defending champ and you're up against whatever one's come out this year. Too, okay so there can be a run of A Best picture that's been going strong for four. YEARS i still Think Talladega knights should be, undefeated AND i can't Believe i'm about to say, that but this might be the only time THAT i agree With. Trump

knock it off with all this foreign. Shit let's get to the. Nominees The brutalist great, title the movie Is. Brutal two hundred and fifteen minutes of Watching Adrian brody do heroin pass a complete unknown Oh, Man Timmy shallow may As Bob. Dylan you, know even When i'm in the mood to listen To Bob dylan, MUSIC i only make it about halfway through a song Before i'm, like, ah, RIGHT i get. It he's a. Genius he also lives down the street from. Me it's weird how our two

worlds ended up at the same. PLACE i write a song about. It, yeah he could write a nine minute song about HOW i had a clip show and ended up being his. Neighbor how many movies is? That that's? Two that's just two Movies i've gone through, already Exhausted dune part. Two all, right here we go speaking To Timmy shalla anybody calling Him Timmy? Shallow? YET i like? That this movie was. Unbelievable NOW i can't pronounce any cares. NAMES i barely followed the, plot but it was stunning to.

Watch and this should win And zendaya was in? It yeah you kidding? Me Timmy shaley should win an award just for keeping his boner down the whole? Time how you going to act staring At zendaiya getting to make out with, her roll around in the, sand shoving those weird breathing things up your. NOSE i have a few questions about doing. That i'm sure nerds would love to over explain to. Me but they made such a big deal about riding those, worms like it was such a

skill to be. Had but then when the whole town would travel, places they would all get on top of, them and there was no, like oh here it, comes everybody get ready to dive. On apparently there was like a bus stop where they could all just climb aboard safely because there was like whole families on, it and they didn't do the that he had to, do which was, LIKE i don't, KNOW i forgot it by this. Point he like shot a hook into it and you, know

rode it and it was like the craziest thing. Ever but then there's scenes later where where they're going to the, south, which by the, WAY i don't understand the geography Of doune, whatsoever BECAUSE i thought it was like planets and stuff like. That but then they just go to a village that appears to just be like forty five minutes via worm. Away it's not that it wasn't that spaced. OUT i

didn't understand. IT i feel like they should travel farther away or visit those places more often if it's that easy to get. To, yeah it's like The Long Island. Express, yeah well so, anyway but and that's in the future, too. Right, yeah, well, OKAY i don't understand. Anything, now let's get to the next. Movie the substance and tons of nudity in this One Margaret. Qually people saying her boobs aren't, real but her ass was. Real and guess what her ass carried the? Film it

was a good button that. Movie huh oh. Man, YEAH i haven't watched the. MOVIE i just looked at. Stills speaking of a nudity anora fun, MOVIE i guess there's a completely pointless thirty five minute chunk where they go searching for a rich rush nute On Coney, island which leads. Nowhere And i'm not gonna spoil it for you because there's nothing to. Spoil it's a strong best runner. Up that's HOW i would describe this movie's best. Chances, conclave

anyboy Watch? Conclave yeah you saw? It oh, Yeah, oh it's about finding a new. Pope i'll wait for the reality show that's about to happen. NOW i CAN'T i. Can't i'm not. Interested good for, them, though for making a movie that made you forget The Catholic church has committed the most sexual abuse cases and recorded. History never. Forget by the, way if this airs And Pope francis has passed, away it don't make me re edit. This let's just air it the WAY i had it and

know That i'm, sorry no. Disrespect you spoke of the. Prophecy, yeah it's like right now doing a joke about a plane, crash and then, like oh my, goodness there were six more plane crashes from today's date until this airs Next. Tuesday. WICKED i hate every. MUSICAL i hate, FANTASY i Hate. Witches not really a fan Of. Arianna now that being, SAID i Love. Wicked oh my, GOODNESS i loved. It didn't want to love. It and thanks to my wife and son and the tone deaf nightmare that my home has.

BECOME i know every word to every song. POPULAR i don't even like that. Song that's not the good. Song that's the one that they could force me to sing all the. Time no one can sing in my, family yet everyone one is fearless when it comes to belting out. Songs Amelia perez didn't see. Her didn't read a racist tweets. Either do you notice that said, Her i'm so? Progressive? Right is? That is that all ten of? Them, no there's. More what's the next? One nickel? Boys nickel? Boys, nope

didn't see. It i'm still? Here is that actually the title of the? Movie all? RIGHT i don't know if you're trying to pull one over on. Me didn't see. It now you might Think i'm racist BECAUSE i missed the last few, films BUT i would point out THAT i have two children and there's only so many hours in the, day and they control the remote a majority of the. Time so maybe they're. Racist do you ever think of? That, Okay so for, me it's down To

wicked Or, dune and they both have faults for. Starters wicked is only the first half of a. STORY i didn't realize that UNTIL i. Watched and then at the end they're, like, oh that's only the first. Half the second, Half, hey this sister that in the, wheelchair she becomes another witch and then she's the one that the house falls. On sorry for the spoiler if you've never seen the, play WHICH i. Haven't and Then, Dune dune is the second of, three so that's just the middle part of a,

story you know. What my vote is For Poor. Things AND i know that was nominated last, year BUT i didn't see it till this, year and that movie is really fucked. UP i, mean holy, SHIT i was watching it and there's just tons and tons of crazy. Nudity and then they're pretending that it's okay because even though she's a child and naked and sexual, like they're, like, oh she's only six years, old but it's played by

an older person so they can do the. Joke and then and they constantly are calling her a red and they think that's acceptable because it's a. MOVIE i, like how in comedy you can't do these, things but when you're doing like an artsy, film it's, fine you, know to basically be saying completely inappropriate things and child, pornography but it's not real child pornography because this child that this man created is in a body that's. Older. Nah.

Whatever and Then carmichael Shows Gerard carmichael was in. There that part of it was. Confusing didn't really understand, it but, Whatever so that's my. Vote my vote is For Poor things from last. Year Casha, carl what was your favorite movie in twenty twenty? Four he's always partial to the the Air bud. Franchise you know who's gonna have an? Opinion there's only one person in my circle that would really have an opinion on who should Win Best, picture as my father in. Law let's see if He let's

see if he's got. Time it's a big day for him. Anyway, hey, hey two. Things first of, all BEFORE i asked the, question did you get your staples taken out? Today? No they had the brief schedule for tomorrow. Morning why THE pa had to go home to a sick or. Something, yeah that's. Garbage all, Right well, tomorrow make sure you make sure you get some video of them pulling those staples out of your. Knee oh, YEAH i can't. Wait i'll get it for. You full knee. Replacement. Man, hey

question here is. Simple who is going to Win Best picture at The? Oscars do you know all the? Nominees it's ten of. Them it's. Here let me read them to. You The Brutalist, Conclave Wicked Amelia Perez, Nickel, Boys i'm still. HERE A Complete Unknown Dune part, Two The Substance. Anora, Okay i've only seen four of those. Ten i'm gonna say The brutalist? Wins what did you didn't you? Love didn't you Love? Dune it's not got a. Chance science fiction never, wins no chance it's a great, Movie no

no chance it. Wins what About? Wicked what About? WICKED i? MUSICAL i don't. KNOW i think the other one that could win is a complete Unknown Bob. Dylan, yeah did you like? IT i didn't see. IT i hate it's, Good but you think it could? Win see The? BRUTALIST i Told tammy, this hold. On you haven't even seen The brutalist, Either, no BUT i want to see. It so so the two that you think you will win are ones that you haven't even. Seen it's, true just

going on. Reputation, well what what's what's the ones you've? Seen? SO i Saw dune AND i saw A, conclave which is very, good AND i saw Amlia, perez which is. Different it was well. DONE i guess for what it? Was what do you, MEAN i? Guess have you seen? It? No, No i'm not gonna watch that. Ship it's way out. There what was THE i can't even think the fourth on? Myself, oh substance you know it would be, fun but that's not gonna. Win did you like all the nudity in

the h in that? Movie it's. Fantastic. YEAH i can't believe. You you haven't Seen. Wicked we. HAVE i don't know why we. Haven't we haven't seen? That all, RIGHT i need to. See that's awkward to seeing the. Brutalist all, Right, well we're good luck on. THAT i can't believe sci fi never. WINS i Thought dune was a. Lock oh it's it was. Terrific, no Sci fi never. Wins all, right good, enough Like? Spaces is it all? Right i'll check it in on you tomorrow after the. REMOVAL i

would appreciate, that all, Right god? Speed well, okay so, yeah and even seen any of the movies he's, Picking but he does again have some real takes on On. Dune all, right let's plug some. Stuff tossshow store dot com, guys get some. Merch eddie's, Tour my tour on sale, now tons of. Dates we're gonna be all over The. Midwest, also this is Funny. Portugal i'm heading To lisbon to do a. Show now there's a chance that this show gets,

canceled And i'm gonna be honest with, you. Guys whenever you hear of an act canceling their, show they're always, like, oh it was health reasons or a family. Emergency but all of that is a. Lie the real reason the shows get canceled is because of one, thing and one thing, only, Right, carl that's poor ticket. Sales here you. Go you just have to accept. It and guess, what. Guys right, now In, lisbon there are a lot of good seats, available and WHEN i say a, LOT i mean all of, them

all of the good. Seats apparently nobody In lisbon has ever ever heard of me or has any desire to see me do stand up because we've got no tickets, Sold so pretty Soon i'm gonna be up against it And i'm gonna have to make a, decision and they're gonna be, like, oh it was a scheduling. Conflict we regret to inform the sixty four people that bought tickets that the show has been rescheduled to a later, date and that later date will be fucking. Never, anyway let's

get to the free. Plug we got any new music for the free plug? Today, yes there we. Go, finally some of a little beat something giving us a little street. Cred all, right this free. Plug if you love, subs then MIGHT i Recommend Little White House subs In Key, West. Florida, Wow i've never been. There it's located on TWO p one Eight Whitehead street near The Key West blight And. Aquarium what's? Blight big? Tower is that something like a, light but it's called a? Blight? Yeah AM i supposed

to know what the word blight? Means does anybody else know what the word blight? Means, no it's bite the. Igh you misspelled? It, okay, okay so NOW i don't want to add anything. Else you put a fucking word that doesn't exist and acted LIKE i was. Crazy all? Right The Key West bite And. Aquarium they're open From monday Through, saturday eleven to. Five, sundays they're only open eleven to. Three that makes. Sense that's Like chick Fil, a only just you, know shortened. Hours they offer, subs,

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PRICES i think it's a little higher down. There EVERYTHING i thought island, Life, yeah because sixteen dollars for sandwich seems. High but it was. Huge they're. Big oh they're. Big. Yeah, okay so you're telling me you probably could have gotten a half for what ten? DOLLARS i, mean and the half would have been a big enough sandwich for you because when they gave it to, you they wrapped the other half to. Go they know you're not going to finish the whole thing there, well so that you you

ordered a sub and they just already pre boxed half your. Food, said you know, what, Sir we're gonna do you a solid, here, honestly cut you off halfway AND i, Ate and though IF i had, unwrapped it would have felt like a. Pig so it was just, LIKE i GUESS i eat it around the. Corner you went and ate it around the. CORNER i was still. HUNGRY i would have been. Good. LORD i thought she actually went around the corner and

ate half the other. Half, Okay, now WHEN i get a, sub which WHICH i don't get to get as much AS i want to because there's not a good sandwich place near my home and my wife hates. Sandwiches, okay, yeah she. Hates she hates all. Sandwiches don't even be. Started but, uh the, Chips i'm really into that funky. Fusion what brand is? That voodoo? Chips? YEAH i Like voodoo. Chips they're, good all. Right you can get a whole

pickle there for two dollars sixty. Cents who doesn't love walking around an island just nown on a. PICKLE i bet those pickles In Key, WEST i bet you those things are a hot. ITEM i love. Pickles, Yeah i've never once bought those pickle and a bag. Things, man those things look. Disgusting there's just no way there's that packs of crunch in. There that thing has got to be soggy and. MUSHY i don't like. It, well, Well

Little White house has some desserts on. HAND i suggest heading over to h what is It Mathesons mathesons On duval for the best cookie on the. Island, ACTUALLY i have been there. BEFORE i like their. Cookie it's the Cookie. Dog they're like this, big big. Cookie. Yeah they gave us a stack of them once they lasted us for the rest of the. Tour we just break off a

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