My Helicopter Medic - Phil

What's one chopper ride cost a patient?

I mean usually the insurance gets built. We try not to like, of course, like forty fifty thousand dollars one.

Ride is forty or fifty thousand dollars. Holy moly.

I mean it's an expensive operation.

I understand. Kashshaw, Cash Show Up, Cash Show Show, Hello, and welcome to Tosh Show. Now. I'm Daniel Tosh. How are you doing this morning, Eddie?

I'm pretty good. They're Daniel, How are you good?

I'm doing great. I was listening to Dead Eyed Dick this morning, as I normally do. Such an underrated band. I mean, sure, they've got the one song new Age Girl. She don't act meat, but you show it an act the bone. I mean, but once you get deeper, you're like, oh this band was onto something. When's the last time you heard a new Age Girl?

I mean maybe that was my first time. I'm not familiar with this band.

You're not fromamiliar with New Age Girl now, not at all. She don't eat meat, but you show it out the phone.

I'm gonna I'm definitely checking it out on the right home.

You kidding me? Eddie doesn't know new Age Girl?

There we go.

Wow, Now, I don't know if you'd called Dead Eye Dick a one hit wonder, but that one hit was a grand slam walk off in the World series. If you ask me, h, how's your weekend? Pretty good?

How about you?

It was a long weekend, you know, as we know, it was Labor Day slash Memorial Day. Nobody ever knows which one it is, so three days. But my wonderful manager of twenty some years got married this weekend, and to say that it was an elaborate affair would be an understatement. Now, I don't go to a lot of weddings, mainly because I don't like them. Now was this different? I mean I had a lot of anxiety. I was fueling up on a modium, preparing for the inevitable. Where's

And you've heard about the mozzarella sticks.

How about the dinner, Oh the dinner you had? You had two options a striped sea bass or a filet. I did the fish, but then there was also like some shareables that came to the table. It was like a pasta, and nobody wanted that, so I just ate out of the bowl. I just put I just can't, I said, nobody wants this fun. I kept it next to me and I just ate. Let me tell you about the desserts, and that will probably give you a scope of the wedding. For starters, they had someone walking

Fifteen hundred, fifteen hundred, seventy five hundred, seventy five hundred dollars, Yeah, you're nuts.

Five hundred.

Okay, so so Pete things five hundred. Eddie think's fifteen hundred. And John Elrick, the guy who fucking always wants more money, is telling me to give away seventy five hundred dollars. All right, give it away, he said guests. So I'm guessing I'm not giving away seventy five hundred dollars. Holy shit, that's all. That's That's now I've got pressure. I got to talk to Carly when again.

I've created anxiety discussion.

Great Wolf Lodge. Might I might be able to do it? Back to back days, everybody was well behaved, nothing horrible happened. I always worry, especially when you've got old people traveling from the East Coast and now they're like, you know, back home, it's it's two in the morning, and now they're dancing and drinking. And the dance floor was on a slight incline. I was like, oh, this is a disaster.

Thanks for having me, Daniel, thank.

You for being here, and thank you for all that you do. Of course, where were you born?

I was born in Oxnard, California. Oxnard, you're familiar. Oh man, how's your Spanish pekinto?

Uhh?

Yeah, funny. Growing up, Oxnard had this like tourists initiative called Oxnard only one traffic signal separates us from Malibu and it didn't work.

You know, only one traffic signal, yeah, separates you from Malibu. I didn't know that. Oxnard is like a little slice of gross Florida, just right above Los Angeles.

Big slice.

Is the strawberry capital of the world.

It is, yeah that they have the Strawberry Festival every year. It's known for you.

Ever been to a Pirate's Day in Ventura?

No, I've heard of it, but I've never been there.

Have you.

Yeah, how was it? It was an accident. One day. I just randomly was like, hey, let's go up to Ventur and get lunch someplace to my wife. Never we never go up there, and it was Pirate's Day and everybody was dressed up like pirates and I was like, this is ridiculous.

No, I would love to see that, but no, I've never seen it.

I stumbled upon it randomly. You played guitar, You toured with bands, and your dad was in a.

Band he was Yeah, growing up in Oxnard, there was a very like healthy and kind of supportive, like DIY punk scene Nardcore. Is that ring a bell? What's thatcore? It's like Oxnard hardcore met into one word.

Uh huh.

So it was Yeah, many wouldn't, but it was kind of coined in the eighties. The band's like Irrepute still Loug thirteen and there's just been like a punk scene in Oxnard forever and I kind of got wrapped up in that as a kid.

You toured with the band as a roadie, Yeah, I.

Did, Roady I played a little bit too as well.

But yeah, do you feel like you gave up? Did you give up completely on that?

I mean, there was not much to give up. It was just sort of like a fun hobby.

You know, you were a beach lifeguard?

I was.

Yeah. Did you do that as a child where you took the lifeguard training classes?

Oh, the GGS G lifeguards? No, I never did that. I was just swimming and playing water pool and stuff at Oxford High Uh huh. And yeah, as one does, you kind of get into lifeguarding and swim instructure stuff and it just sort of like worked out that way.

Are you still a strong swimmer?

Strong ish? I think?

So? Did you watch the Olympics this summer? I did. Did you enjoy the water pool? Did? How do we do?

We got third? Actually?

Otherwise nose bronze? Yeah? Right. Had you ever save people on the beach a couple?

Yeah?

Rip tides? Yeah?

Actually yeah, I definitely rip tides. More worse is when you go out there and they're not drowning and they're like, the fuck away from me, what are you doing out here? Kind of cause the scene and you got to like backstroke back with your head between your you know.

Well, you were just you're I think I think airing on the side of you know, being cautious is not a bad thing. The water though, it's so cold, freezing, and you just have to dive in with nothing.

Yeah, just your shorts and you're your booby.

That's it. Back when you were lifeguard. Every year there will be an article about the fact that lifeguards in Los Angeles beaches make over one hundred and fifty thousand a year.

Yeah, I mean they work for the La County Fire Department in La County, unless you're on like a smaller study department. But those guys, yeah, they definitely do well.

They're just grandfathered in and it just keeps escalating every year. It has to or that's not base.

No, no, it's they have seasonal and like permanent lifeguards. So especially the permanent ones who do that, like the bay Watch guys are all lifeguards and they're also like the paramedics at Catalina and.

Stuff like that. Were you a fan of bay Watch as a kid?

Not as much as I probably should have been, But I enjoyed the scenery, you know, were you?

No?

No, I wasn't, although I did like that as a surfer. The season that Kelly Slater embarrassed himself, I do you remember that? And that that was enjoyable. Tell me how the transition from water polo lifeguard roady led you into being an EMT.

I was working as a lifeguard on this beach in Ventura County called Silver Strand, and if you had your EMT certification, you could ride on this ATV like around the beach. And I was sitting there on the tower and I was like, man, that looks kind of cool. I could do that. And I thought they were like badass. I mean, and all I'll see, they're like the lowest level of the ms. But at that time, I was

I love lore.

Did that take The EMT class is like a semester. That one's not anything. It's like two nights a week. And the paramedic program, which I went to later, is like it's like an associates program through the college.

I mean, how long did you How long were you an MT in a van the vmbulance.

It was like maybe like a year and a half before I got into paramedic school.

Uh huh.

And then you do like a paramedic internship and then yeah, you kind of start working on the ground.

Which one's more dangerous, Probably.

The ground going Code three, the lights and sirens to the city and stuff. I would say that's a little more dangerous.

Where does EMT rank? Are you higher than a nurse, lower than a doctor? Where are you at?

An EMT would be lower than like a nurse or a doctor. But there's like EMT paramedic and then like critical care paramedic, which is what I do. So on the helicopter we fly, it's like a three man or three person crew. It's pilot, critical care nurse, and critical carometic. So at our level, the medic and the nurse are kind of all the same. There's really no difference in scope or what we do as far as practice. But yeah, I mean generally the nurse would definitely be like the higher level of care.

Can you write a prescription?

No?

A sh Yeah? How much work can you do on these people?

Kind of a lot? I mean, especially on the helicopter, what we do, we do like a lot of like intubations, we're doing chest tubes, We're doing like ventilator management and stuff like that. So we're doing actually quite a.

Bit are you allowed to request if you want a helicopter versus the van?

I mean, I'm sure you could if you're in like a very remote area. We have like membership programs and stuff like that to get people, but usually it's in remote areas and we get activated by like a fire department or something like that.

Were you ever nervous to fly in a helicopter? Not really, No, I've floated in a helicopter one time.

One time.

That's not true. I guess I flew in it twice. I flew it to a destination then back, like Hawaii or something.

No.

No, I was working in Palm Springs. I was like, I'm gonna we're gonna go by helicopter.

Nice, like one of those casinos out there. Yep.

But I'm like, I'm not doing that again. What's one chopper ride cost a patient?

I mean, usually the insurance gets built. We try not to like, of course, like forty fifty thousand dollars.

One ride is forty or fifty thousand dollars, Holy moly.

I mean, it's an expensive operation.

I understand. I wasn't ready for forty or fifty. I was ready for for like ten. It's such a short flight.

It's very short flight. I mean it's maybe like an hour or so toops. But you think of the fuel, the aircraft, the pilot, the nurse, the medic.

Why no, But if I rent a helicopter to fly to Palm Springs, it didn't cost fifty.

How much did it cost?

I don't remember. I don't remember fifteen each way.

That's not bad actually comparatively, I'm.

Guessing, though I don't really remember. Are you responsible for getting all of the patient's insurance information before they land at the hospital?

No, that's by far the worst part of the job. But you're trying to like deal with stuff like that. We just get their ID and we'll get like information from the receiving hospital. But I never I've worked on the ground for places, and we're supposed to get like copies of the insurance card and all that stuff, and it just eats my soul.

It's like you're sometimes the last person people have spoke to.

Quite often they do die with us. Are more worse is when it's like the last person their family speaks to, Like, well, they're like family members dying, So we'll kind of go in there and they'll want us to start at CPR, but clearly it's been it's been a long time.

Sometimes they don't declare people dead until the hospital. Is that just to make you sleep better at night?

No, if that does not make us sleep better at night. Usually because there's this criteria for determination to death. Okay, so I'll be like wrigamortis slavidity a sisterly and contigiously. It's basically no hard activity.

So you're not allowed to say decease.

Oh, we do if that has the criteria. But if they don't meet that, we kind of got to like work the code kind of thing.

Are you squeamish at all?

Not really, I don't think so.

I'm not either. Yeah, but I'm sure you've seen it.

I mean I've definitely seen it. We've had like you know, like nurse ride alongs and stuff like that who have full on feinted and.

Stuff with this. How many dead bodies have you seen?

I don't know, probably a few hundred, few thousand maybe over the course of the last twenty years.

Do you you sleep well? You have any PTSD?

Maybe? But I feel like I sleep okay usually?

Yes, you ever talk to somebody? Do they force you to talk to people.

You know, they were really bad about that in the beginning, or at least when I started, But now they do this like critical incident stress debriefing. Like my program has a thing called Siren where they can, like you go out of service and you can talk to somebody if something bad happens, like pediatric full arrest or anything like that. But I haven't had to or I haven't like initiated using it much at all.

Do you believe in ghosts?

No? I don't. Who pulls people off of the side of a Cliff County helicopters? It's like the sheriff's apartment or the fire apart.

Okay, something like that, but you're not dropping a basket down.

No, No, we're landing on the freeway and stuff like that. So there's really two types of like mission profile as they say that we do. Okay, there's the inner facility, which is taking somebody from like a smaller hospital to

So what about transferring like organs?

There is like a specialty company that does that. We never do that.

Oh you guys don't do that? Yeah, that always seems fun, Like hurry before this heart stops working.

We've had pilots to do that, Like they kind of do that before they got into MS, they were doing like organ procurement transfers or something.

What about how many pilots are in your helicopter?

Just one? We're single pilot.

Can you do anything if if he were to stroke out?

They try to like train us with certain like training modules and stuff what to do, but it's not going to work out if they stroke out or pass out.

So you're done.

Yeah, we're done. I just hope it's quick.

You fly with the same pilot all the time.

So we work twenty fours on the med crew, but the pilots by FA can only work twelve hour shifts. So we have like a day pilot in a night pilot.

But you is there ever a pilot where you roll your eyes and go, Okay, well I hope to be back.

Oh absolutely, yeah exactly, like please delete my history if we go down or what.

About the small talk? Is there a lot of between the two two professions, are you guys?

Oh?

Yeah, I mean we all like stay at the same base and we all sort of like live together at work. But there's definitely a lot kind of like firefighters kinda yeah. Similar.

So you're twenty four on, twenty four off, twenty four on.

Yeah, then we have like five days off, but then there's like overtime opportunities and they'll like kind of force you in overtime and stuff sometimes.

So you two days a week is your schedule? Yeah? And does that in that those two days rotate constantly.

Kind of Yeah, it's never like the same two days at least why I work. So it's called like they call it like a Kelly schedule, but it's just like a rotation.

Do you get excited for like a big labor day weekend, like Oh, it's gonna be takeing.

No, Sometimes I'm like, oh, it's gonna be terrible, it's gonna be busy. Right, Sometimes it's fun where I work. We got to Catalina a lot. That's sort of our like bread and butter.

Oh, that's a neat trip.

Yeah.

I've never been to Catilina never. Huh huh huh. I like that. There's a few places just right around here that I've never been. Yeah, I've never been the Channel Islands either. You've been out there?

Have Yeah?

That's nice, Yeah, super nice. I got to do that.

How long have you been here.

Since the late nineties?

Shit?

How many calls are you getting during your average twenty four hour shift?

It depends really, Like where I'm at now, we do like two maybe, and they take a little bit longer when you factor in like fueling, transporting and charting and stuff. But when I started out in the high desert in Victorville, it's crazy out there. I mean, they don't call it Victimville for for no reason.

I didn't know they called it Victimville. They do. Uh huh. And you ever delivered a baby?

I have delivered a baby. Yeah, I delivered quite a few.

Oh really, it's not that hard, is it.

Actually it's not. You know, just guard the paraneum and it's usually by the time we get there and they call nine on one it's kind of halfway happening anyway. We just have an ob kit and we just kind of assist them on really.

Oh man, anybody ever name their kid after you?

No.

I tried to make that joke multiple times and they're not interested.

Nothing wrong with Phil. It's a good name. Thank you. What about bad weather? Do you guys just like, hey, we can't go?

Kind of yeah, I mean, if it's really it's all we do monitor weather a lot, so there'll be like ceilings and weather forecasts and stuff we're looking at all day. So there's two different types of flying. There's a VFR and there's IFAR. At my base, we fly IFAR, which means instrument flight rules and you can kind of fly in the clouds and kind of use air traffic control to like vectory around. But if you're a VFR visual flight rules, you're not kinna. I mean, you just use

They don't have to. You can just fly around wherever you want. Yep. Now, do you put your lights on on your helicopter? Do other planes have to get out of the way? How's that work?

No? But there is like a METAVAC status with the air traffic control. So if we're like waiting to go somewhere, if we say we're a METAVAC, then they'll just kind of give us a priority.

Uh huh. And do you guys do that just because you're impatient?

Absolutely?

What's the most random place your pilot's ever had to put that bird down?

Definitely like an intersection in like low salamados outside the hospital. Maybe just like on like a mountain road up by a rim of the world up there in Sara Badara, something like do.

You guys call it a bird?

Sometimes a lot of the old like military pilots will drop that one for sure.

Uh huh.

Yeah.

Do you like the military guys more? You feel safer with them? Yes?

And no, I guess they're all pretty safe. But like that's just the main I would say eighty percent of our pilots are like ex army or Marine corps.

Do they hot dog ever? What do you mean you know, take cool turns?

No, everything's so tracked on, like flight radar and stuff. They're like very like consciousness.

What about that thing when you take off and you nose down and you just go like this, like feet off the ground.

Yeah, that's forgetting like ground effect. Yeah, we do do that sometimes.

That's awesome.

Yeah, that's by far the best one. Yeah. Did you watch.

Airwolf as a kid?

I did watch your Wolf. Yeah that's a bell to twenty two helicopter do.

Yeah.

I'm gonna sound super autistic, but.

I I mean yeah, yeah, just on the spectrum slightly. What was Airwolf? Pretty accurate overall?

I mean at the time I thought it was. When I was a kid, I loved that plane.

I kind of remember that bird. Yeah, air what was it? Just like I had a turbo button? Was that the big thing?

The button that would like shoot the missiles or something like that. Oh, it did have a turbo button too, You're right.

Like it could fly a jet. That was Did you watch Airwolf and Street Hawk?

I didn't watch street Hawk. I don't know what that is.

Street Hawk was the motorcycle much like much like night Rider but street Hawk. He had a button on his where he could go up in the air and like like had these jets that would like lift it and turn it around. It couldn't fly, but it could like levitate for a bit. Anyway, I don't want to bring up, uh, Kobe Bryant, but what if you get a call the flight conditions are total shit? But there's is that person. Does a person just die wherever they are, like, yeah, we can't get there, No.

We'll kind of like land somewhere safe and practical, like where Kobe was. He was in Calabasas right over here, so they could have like landed. I mean, I'm not arm trick quarterback, but you know.

That that was I'm saying a crash that nobody's there's nothing to do totally. They always say the problem with a lot of these like celebrity people are that are flying these things, the biggest problem is there get their itis totally where they just like force them to go right, which is a weird thing that I should never be able to force a pilot to do something.

But anyway, it's like implied pressure, right, I have to get there they're going to piss off the customer, piss off the client.

Definitely.

The air medical community and air medical side is very like cautious about that. They harp on that stuff very well. And like you know, we're very like safe in standards and VA fire minimums are always like and.

You guys can fly in fog. Though you can successfully fly in fog.

We can, I mean not fog to the ground usually because we need like minimums to like lift from the ground and to get like vectored around.

But we fly and yeah, and like I have no idea how helicopters work. Pretty soon we won't need the pilots or the helicopters. We just need you in a drone.

Right, it's gonna be like the weaimo system or something. I think they are really working on that.

I know.

I think that would be exciting. Then we just start typing in coordinates and you get there right.

Oh.

You ever hung from the landing skids?

No, it's it's been a dream of mine, but I've never done it.

That would be good. I once saw the rock do it. Man, it looked I think you only had one arm in this movie too, Is that true? Or do you have one leg, maybe had one leg.

Are we talking San Andreas? Is that what we're talking in that movie?

No?

I don't know if it was that movie, but it was a garbage movie, like that skyscrape paper. As a pedestrian, you ever save someone.

Never never want you never jump into Actually I don't have like a jump bag and like gloves and all this stuff. If somebody was like actively choking or dying, sure, But if I see someone fall and there's really nothing I can do, I'm probably not gonna do it. I mean, I'll get in there and help maybe get some information for like the paramedics when they do get there, like a name.

But it's never happened. You've never been first on the scene in a car accident.

Never I have. Really.

I jumped on top of a tipped van and was like trying to pull a guy out because I thought the van was going to explode. Then that when the fire department came, they said I that they don't explode. Cars don't explode. That's like in movies. He goes, just leave him in there, we'll get him. I was like, oh, I just I was like I was trying to rip him out. That's a good move though.

That's a good, good karma move though.

Shit, you know who else I saw that during that accid As a matter of fact, what's his name? I don't know. I don't know actor his names from Entourage, drama.

Oh, Johnny drama.

I saw, Yeah, he was watching me. He was watching me in action. I'm just like trying to get people. This van just ran a red light, t boned a small car, flipped. It was just chaos.

I was like, did you have the family with you and everything? You're like, I'll be right back.

I did. I just pulled on the car and I just ran. I was like, I gotta help. I gotta help people. Oh, it's my instinct. It turns out I was just I was probably just doing so much more damage to this guy. But there, that guy was a drunk.

We call that job security.

What's the one thing people do wrong constantly that you're like, Oh, because of what you've seen, You're like, I'll never do this.

I don't know, you know, maybe like motorcycles, no helmets, maybe just motorcycle. I mean I did go through a motorcycle phase. I met that, but you did. Yeah.

My mother was a nurse for sixty years. Really m hm, got sixty, she's old.

Yeah, my mom was too, she was a nurse.

Yeah, okay. The only thing my mom ever like one of the ground rules was like, don't do heroin, but also don't ride a motorcycle. She's like, just don't do it. Just she goes. I just see it all the time. Now. It's weird because in Florida, where I grew up, you don't have to wear a helmet. It still did this stay Yeah, yeah, the helmet help. They said that they've

Right.

I don't think any other place allows that. But now, do you know the reason that we're allowed to split traffic. They say that it's safer for motorcycles to split traffic because people always kind of like pay attention to the car in front and end up rear ending motorcycles too much.

I mean, we don't get a lot of splitting related accidents or injuries that I've seen, at least personally.

The problem with splitting is you're only technically allowed to go ten miles an hour faster. Than the flow of traffic, and sometimes traffic is at a dead stop and people are splitting at eighty miles an hour. Right.

I thought you could only do it when it was dead stop. I didn't know you could like pass cars.

And then what are you talking to me if if you had a motorcycle you didn't know that? No, well have you never seen it?

No?

I mean I've seen it on the one on one when you're just stopped and there's cars like like crazy.

Pete's got a motorcycle. He doesn't drive it, but he has one. I thinks he's cool.

He is.

I had a Vespa, had a Pete two, and I had split traffic on that.

You did a motorcycle license for a Vespa like that?

Yep, you do. I didn't get one. I rolled the dice Florida. No, I didn't hear. I drove really Yeah? Yeah, I used to because I would take it to short term parking at lax and you could free park. Really yeah, motorcycles are free.

Then you got to bring all your shit with you.

No, I know, it's awful. I just had something over his shoulder. It was bad. This is me as a young person. You ever thought about being a set medic on like film and television.

I know a lot of guys who do that. Actually, I haven't thought about it.

It's decent money, that's what I've heard. You have five hundred dollars a day to sit at craft service and just like hit on everybody.

I see their Instagram stories all the time posting pictures of steaks and yeah, exactly.

They pass out advil and like they have to sit you down before they give you two advill and like tell you, okay, here's two advill. What a What a racket?

I mean, I'm pro union and all, but what a racket?

Yeah, sure you're pro. Let's get into some serious stuff, do it. You have four cats? Oh shit, yes, that's so many cats.

One cat is a lot, one cat, four cats. Yeah, it's a blended family, Daniel, like I had to. I adopted too, And then I moved in with my girlfriend and she had two cats.

And are you worried what jd Vance thinks of you?

Yes?

Oh my girlfriend? Oh man, she doesn't love him, does not love him? Why she is a childless cat lady? Oh, you've been dating her a little over a year now. Are you guys taking it to the next level we are and getting more cats.

No, she put her foot down up four yeah, uh huh, I mean I guess I did too. I don't know why I said it like that, but.

You but you were implied that you are you getting engaged?

Yeah, we did get engaged. You got engaged.

Congratulations you. When's the big day?

We don't know yet. I haven't gotten that far yet.

That's nice, not really taking it very seriously. You ever been married before?

I have?

How long did that last?

Like?

Not even two years? I mean, I give it the old junior college try. I guess.

That's good. How did you meet your fiance? Was she trapped on the side of a mountain with a broken leg?

That would have been a much better story, but it was just on the internet.

I was hoping for a meat cute. What's that a meat cute?

Meat cute?

Oh?

Like when you meet it's it's.

Like the beginning of every Hallmark movie. I don't know if you ever watched Hallmark Christmas movies or something like that. They do meat cutes, like, oh, they bump into somebody while they're buying their Christmas.

Tree, like I met him at Arawon or something.

Yeah, you go to air one.

Sometimes you spend it.

You're spending that's expensive. Your cats eat that kind of food?

Now, No, they got like chewy online stuff. I don't know.

We were we almost had a dog sponsor on this show. Really, I was excited about it. But then they told me like my dogs had to eat it, and I'm like, get the fuck out of here. My dogs aren't eating that shit.

Do you do like the far I mean, how do I say the brand? Do you do like Farmer's Dog, like the boot?

I do? Uh?

Just food for dogs?

I don't know.

And if I plugged them multiple times, they've not yet really ever sent me up even a single bag. They charged me five hundred dollars every two months or something. I don't know what it is. You excited about this upcoming election, you know?

I am?

Now.

I wasn't initially when Joe was around, but I'm liking this one.

Joe's still around, Okay, have you seen him?

I haven't seen him.

Joe's doing great. He just vacationed up in Santiera.

They were looking because they did. We had like a TFR temporary flight restriction all up there above Santa Barbara. So we couldn't really fly up there because he was there like home shopping or something.

Oh is that where Joe's gonna end his days?

Shoemash can see him?

Oh, I love it, don't knock it. I just played there really, Yeah, it was last week.

That's where we used to go we were kids because you could go gamble there when you're eighteen.

Oh my god, they're great. Oh they're great folks. Do you like to gamble?

I do?

I don't know if I want my EMT to be like big in the hole.

Going through your stuff like there's as well as what's.

Your game of choice?

Uh?

College football?

What's your team?

Usually? I just wanted to see the SEC lose. That was like the main goal I didn't view when the Pac twelve was doing their thing. I was kind of into that as well.

I just I literally texted someone yesterday, fuck the SEC.

Well, they did horrible this night. I just want to see Paul Finnebaum like making excuses. You know, I'm big on this year. I'm gonna I'm gonna call it. I'm big on the U.

I like that.

I mean, they destroyed Florida.

At the swamp. Yeah, that was great.

I know.

I told I told my father in law, he who made me a bet that Florida would finish over five hundred. I said, go ahead and send me one hundred dollars.

Now, absolutely, and you see it.

Plays them in the swamp October fifth.

That's a big twelve school. Now though I know you're ready, is there still going to be a UCFU on rivalry? Remember that one the Oh yeah, they had like a made up rivalry called the Civil Conflict or something.

How do you know so much about UCF?

I don't know that much about it. I just listened to this stupid sports podcast. Sure do you consider that undefeated UCF season a national championship? Are you one of those guys?

But do I have a national championship shirt? Yeah? Yeah, of course, because it's anything to antagonize at Alabama?

Exactly?

Are you watching a TV up there?

Yeah? Not, I mean not up in the helicopter, could you?

Oh?

No, I'm just saying, well, good games going on?

Why I'll be refreshing.

You're not just flying around ever?

No?

I mean sometimes we'll do like training flights and stuff for the pilots, but we're not usually just flying.

You ever bring your fiance on a flight.

Never she's been to the base and stuff and hung out with her whole family.

But can I do a ride along with you?

Absolutely could?

Yeah, where I can fly and everything.

Yeah, absolutely.

I don't get it. I don't get in people's way. How much room is there?

Not a lot, but there's enough for one more. I mean, we have a bigger helicopter at my base. It's a twin inch in Bell four twenty nine, so we can.

Serve bathroom on that helicopter.

No.

Well, would have you ever had like a little stomach issue?

W we We're like, oh, I mean it all the time, not all that way. I didn't even take that back, not all the time. But I've definitely happen. Yeah, causepecially when you're going up to altitude kind of quick the gas expand you know, like you what do you do? You just white knuckle it. I guess just write it up.

You've never you've never hung out? You never know.

No, that would be the end of my career.

If I did that.

I would hear about that.

Who would hear about it?

We'd hit bases from Alaska to Lee County, Florida, they would hear about it everywhere.

I'd see that that's why certain professions are off limits to me because of my stomach.

You got a bad stomach, horrible stomach?

Really yeah, I've never been really diagnosed, but I just have, you know, years and years, decades and decades of every year knowing that I'm going to ship myself at least once or twice.

So you do that annually, you shit yourself? Would you say?

Yeah? You know, long since the days where it's actually in my pants. Now it's like I'm if I have to, I'm like running in the woods and you know, I'm on the pch climbing down a rock cliff and like hiding in a cove. That's my world.

I thought you were just gonna say, like backstage at the Haha factory or.

Nothing like that. I'm not. First of all, I'm above the ha ha factor. I'm over at the Chumash Casino and they got a back dare you beautiful green room? Bathroom? You e her find random things inside of humans? Yes?

Absolutely, I found multiple random things instead of one human the one person. Yeah, he had like an awallo thermis where was it in his ass? A with an avocado?

He had a and well he had a thermises up his button and an avocado, which was first the thermis, the thermost was for any chased it with an avocado.

And then there was a swiffer stick. He was trying to pry it out.

It was just like he was trying to get around it. He was, yeah, just to like play it out. And but a swiffer stick is at least that's not like, you know what he needed. I've got one of those long metal shoehorns.

Oh yeah, that would have been probably a little more practical.

That probably could have done it. Wait, wait, hold on, how did you know this was his in his butt? Well?

He called nine and one in the middle of the night and he was like, my stomach hurts, and I was like okay, and he's like, have you ever heard of people putting things inside their ass? I was, I mean, I guess okay. Then yeah, he fest out. I was like, what's in there? And he's like just told me.

Yeah, okay, So you didn't actually have to get it out, no, No, I just.

Gave him some pain medicine and took him to the emergency room.

And what do they do?

I think you had to have like some sort of like surgery and dilate.

Is does your does your butthole dilate?

I mean he got it in there, so.

Yeah, that's amazing what people can get in their butts. That's just amazing. You use.

Wet wipes sometimes? Yeah, is that a sponsor of the show?

No?

Okay, well why isn't it cottonell let's go anyway. Sorry, So that guy had, that guy had, that's the only person with things inside of him. Yeah, I would say, why did he need a helicopter?

Oh he didn't. Eve This is when I was working on the ground on the ground ambulance. Yeah, this was just a rcond.

They do you say ground ambulance?

That seems stupid, Yeah, I mean it is when you're flying, it is stupid. But I think when you start flying, that's what you say, like, oh, they went by ground Like it's like a way to differentiate.

Because I once knew this guy that played frisbee golf way too seriously, and he one time in conversation told me, you know, ball golf, and I said, hold hold on, you don't get to say ball, asshole, They're just golf. When you were a roadie, you were a roadie for a band or punk band, I always mocked bands, and you'll appreciate it because when you guys are on the struggle, it's still you're hanging out with your buddies. Even if you hate him, you know you're you're you're with a group.

Is it you just in like a tour manager or is it no, there's no tour manager.

You're making two hundred bucks a week. Tour manager, You're just you're sitting, You're edging all day while you're driving, just to stay awake. But then the flip side of that is my two hundred dollars a week, I at least got to keep it. You guys are spreading it five ways. That's awful. And there's just so much extra stuff. You guys have a so much junk, especially.

At like the lower level we were doing it at. You're in a van, there's guitars, drums, you're trying to sell T shirts. No one's buying the CDs records.

You still have any year old T shirts?

Oh yeah, I saw some.

That's pretty good. What's that shoe?

Are you eleven and a half.

Oh goody good, Yeah, I'm excited about that. Okay, why I'll tell you why. I give everybody this on my show. I give them a gift. It's just stuff for my house that I'm getting rid of. Okay. I got a lot of twelves shoes that I got to get rid of because wardrobe. They you're on shows, they give you stuff, but I don't wear them, right, you don't wear so many shoes shoes. I don't even have shoes on currently. I got my bombas on. Anyway, bring me out, bring me out my bin of shoes ship. See if there's

Oh this is definitely above my pay grade.

Yeah, those are golden goose. I'm told they're not as cool anymore.

What do you need? What do I need?

Do you need any shoes? Yes?

I always need shoes.

I mean, oh those are good. I like those for really?

Yeah, yeah, I do like those.

Don't stop, I'm not stopping.

I saw those running shoes in there. I might you like a pair of running I do like a pair of running shoes.

You should.

I'm gonna show up home with a Danish Oh yeah, dress shoes in there, I'll take them.

Do you wear sweaters?

I do wear sweaters. Bring Oh now we're talking.

Let's let's see. Oh this this by the way, you can tell that's been dry clean because I have the paper in there. That is that's got I don't know if you want that. Go ahead. You're a cat person. So sweaters are great, they aren't great.

They're gonna love.

Oh, I like this. Okay, whatever, you take them all? Whatever you you better do it now because if you don't.

That's a deep v I don't know if I can do that anymore.

Yeah, you know a deep man.

I used to love it, so did I. I can't imagine doing that now anymore.

But look at this one like that one? Is that too?

No?

No, it's good.

I like it, John Varvados, Is that too hideous for you? That's a card again? I think no? I like it. It is a cardigan.

It's got French on it.

You know it's good. It's got French on it.

I mean I think right?

Is that? Uh?

Huh oh yeah, it's like, please tell me that's French.

Okay, good shot, thank you, no, thank you. Anytime I get rid of stuff, I get excited. Do you ever do you ever write things down in a journal?

No?

I don't, well because I had one more thing, but but you don't. It's it's one of my joke journals. But I don't like it. And it's only got I've only written one joke in it. Can hear the joke? Well, it's I just write ideas of a joke in here, So it's not really it's just my wife has made me a better person. The problem is I've made her a worse person that I find extremely annoying. And I'm not in love with That's all I've got. That's all I've gotten, this notebook. So I was like, this notebook's

Gun, Okay, I will not leave that behind.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, I don't even know this thing should work right?

Oh yeah, yes, yeah.

It's got a bunch of attachments. Get the attached, give me the oh, go ahead, put that on. You feel that?

Oh that's good stuff? Yeahah yeah, God, I am coming out here with a hall.

Get this off my desk. Has anybody that you've saved ever reached back out to you.

You know, not me personally, But that does happen. Usually it's for like kind of a photo op newsy kind of thing. It does happen, but no, not like organically.

Like you would probably. I don't know how it would be possible. But if somebody were to like do a deep dive into everyone and do aware are they now? That would be very interesting for you. Well, let's bring them on out. How long are you going to do this?

I don't know. I got no plans to change right now. I guess as long as I can.

You know, well, we appreciate it, and I hope I never have have you land near me, Although if you do land near me, it's probably because I'm being a good Samaritan, right and just trying to help people. Yeah, exactly, I feel cool. Thanks for being here man, of course, Casha, I want to thank Phil for being on the show. Isn't that crazy? The guy just wanted to write a four wheeler ends up changing his life. That's what I took from that interview. See somebody a four wheeler goes

Gambling Problem call one eight hundred Gambler in New York call eight seven seven eight hop E n Y or text hop E n Y. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit CCPG dot org. Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort Kansas twenty one plus age eligibility varies by jurisdiction, Voyd and Ontario. Bonus bets expire one hundred and sixty eight hours after issuance.

Terms all Right, what else we got? Tonight boyswarpink dot com, eddiegosling dot com. See his stand up dates. Check out my tour. Come see me in Vegas, New Orleans or Hawaii or Portland, a reno who knows where I'm gonna be before we leave. I want to give give back to the community in our new segment free Plug. This is for Saint David's Episcopal Church in Ashburn, Virginia. They're looking for a new organist to play their ten am