My Father-In-Law, Part 1 - Greg Hallam

You think my dad cares that I call you dad? He doesn't. You know what my dad wants me to call him? He doesn't. He doesn't want me to call him. Tashha Tosh Shop to Show Show. Welcome to Toss Show. It's six am somewhere, and that place is not here right now, but it is when this episode is released on YouTube. If it's Tuesday morning and you're on the West Coast. How you doing, Eddie?

Pretty good.

I'm in a great mood because I dodged a bullet. As you know, Dylan, the guy that's always screwing up the audio on this show, drops a bomb here. It's a small studio that we're in. And then after we recorded the other day, he texts us all and says, hey, guys, just so you know, I tested positive for COVID. Well, isn't that great. I'm about to go on vacation with my family, so thank you for that. Now I gotta pretend that I'm taking it seriously and I gotta test.

Makes sense.

Yeah, I didn't get it, and that's all that matters. But I do want Dylan to know he is a selfish prick. A selfish prick. Yeah, stick to audio issues. Don't mess with my physical well being or my mental well being for that matter. How'd your vacation go, Oh, Eddie, thanks for asking. My vacation went amazing. Now. I was nervous going in because it was with man laws. We were bringing the in laws down to Mexico. We were

Not at all?

I could start calling you Papa. Do you like papa? How about popa number?

Two? Sure? Our greg is fine?

Oh, now your name's not greg Your name.

Is John John Gregory.

And there's a long line of John's. Correct, that is correct? How long?

Seven generations?

And you named your oldest son John as well, but he goes by Jordan, right, correct? That's is that John his first name or middle first has to be the first, has to be the first name. Are you upset that I did not do that with our first son?

Not at all?

Okay, because he already took care of it.

He did.

Has anyone ever said that you look like a sexy Steve Bannon?

God? Is that a compliment?

No?

Well, I said sexy in front of it. Does he kind of look like a sexy Steve Bannon?

Is not a compliment, sorry, Steve, not a compliment.

You're apologizing to Steve Man. Fuck that guy. He's in jail, that's right. What's our age difference? By the way, do you even know it?

Hold on twenty one years, twenty two years so you could be my dad. I could, but I'm not.

No, Well, that would be weird. Your grandkids would be super funny looking.

Not tall enough either.

No, by the way, how tall are you? I have on my notes, say five to two.

That's a little low. Five eight was the official height.

But it's going down. It will definitely be going down. Yes, we shrink. I talked to you constantly about your posture. Yes, try to get you and my wife to be honest. I'm like, knock it off, you guys, stand up.

That's why I didn't wear my thundershirt today. Are you wearing a thundershirt? O? Not today?

No? But you own one? Right?

I actually owned two? Yeah?

They hurt to wear.

No, they're very comfortable.

Well, a thundershirt. I don't think you're a sponsor yet, but you know, once you go ahead and send us a few dozen of those. How goddamn old are.

You as of today? Seventy one?

Seventy one? It's his birthday today, guys, birth it's his birthday. He agreed to be interviewed on his birthday, seventy one.

Yes, how do you feel good?

Thanks? And a big milestone in your life? Can we discuss this oh, sure that true or false? I forced you into retirement. That's true because I wanted because I wanted someone to hang out watch sports with me and take naps all day.

Great idea, Yes, yeah, I.

Was like, what are you doing? Stop working? So you're newly retired, kind, You're still you're still transitioning. But the official notice is in and and and there's a countdown clock.

That is correct.

Yes, how's it feel?

Great? A relief? Actually?

And for forty nine years you were a banker.

That is correct too. Yes, come on you, forty nine year career. I tried to make it to fifty. You would not allow him. No, no, too much. You complain constantly. It's true too.

All you do is complain about being a banker. But yet I feel like I'm the only one in your family that wants to hear your stories about banking.

Tammy forbids that. My wife forbids it.

She doesn't want hearing it to other complain. The other kids don't care, except for my oldest, who is a banker. He is a banker, yes, now, and he's extremely successful.

Jordan's doing very well.

Would you say that he's a better banker than you?

I would actually say that.

Has he always been?

No? Not at first. It took him at least five years to surpass me.

Oh really, yes, I mean did he? And did you want that from your son? Did you want him to follow in your footsteps?

No?

No, that just was his best opportunity.

I wonder if my father wanted me to follow in his footsteps of being a pastor.

I don't think so.

You don't think he would.

Although I would have been enough Dan a couple of times, I don't see it.

I would have been a wonderful pastor. Oh man, Hosanna, Hosannah. There you go. See I got somebody to say it right back. How many kids do you have?

For?

Four wonderful kids?

Four wonderful kids? Now, do you regret having any or all of your children? You can be specific. You're in a safe space, of course, not.

I love my children. What are you talking about? I hear you?

But do do you re.

No?

Okay? Fabulous for all four of them?

Fabulous?

Okay? But if you were to rank them, yeah, from Lois to Highs. Who would you start with? That's not disputed. Your youngest son, yes, is a solid eight inches taller than everyone in your family. Who did your.

Wife have sex with That is a mystery. He does look like a hallum, he does, I think he does. Three of your four children live in Los Angeles. One is still in Florida, where you live. Now, I'm going to say this as an honest compliment.

I don't mean this.

I don't. I don't want you to think it's coming from any form of sarcasm whatsoever. No one I've ever met is more proud of their children than you are. True.

I love my kids.

You just just just they're the world to you. Everything they do is amazing. Blah blah blah. Yes, yet three of them moved across the country as far as possible to escape Florida, to leave where you're from.

I never analyze that. Okay, Does that.

Mean maybe it was too your love was too strong?

No, I don't think you can do that.

All right? What about Does that mean that you love Jordan the most because he stayed in Florida.

No, that does not mean that love them all the same.

Admit it in different ways. Admit that you love Jordan the most. My wife needs to hear this.

I will not say that, Carly.

All right. The next question is is super simple rank your grandchildren from one to four, favorite to least favorite. Next question, how many grandchildren do you have?

Four?

Four grandchildren? Who's on your lock screen?

All four? My grandkids? All four?

You win this round.

They're all there.

You win this round. Dad.

We updated occasionally.

You think my dad cares that I call you dad? He doesn't. You know what my dad wants me to call him? He doesn't. He doesn't want me to call him.

You know, the best part of your life?

What's that?

Your children? Huh no, no, oh, sure it is no, no, no.

I had a day surfing recently. It was so much better than my kids. When you heard your daughter was in a relationship with her boss, how excited were you, guys?

So here's how it went down. She called me and she's a dad. What do you think about dating the boss? M h And I said that's a bad idea, honey, right, because you lose your job and your boyfriend on the same.

Day, which is true. She did. She quit shortly after, yep, and she went on to another job. Where'd she go?

Where did she?

She went to Brooklyn, Brooklyn nine nine. What was the other thing she'd lose? Her friend? Did you say boss and her friend.

Boss, and boyfriend. I said, So, she didn't lose her boyfriend, just her job.

Why would I not be your boyfriend?

No, that was the joke. If you dated your boss, then on the same day, you would lose your job because you had lost your boyfriend, like your boyfriend would kick you off the show. That's the joke.

All kay, I don't like any of that. Okay, Well take that out. Well did you were you worried about her dating her boss? I wasn't her boss? For them, even though we all debate this constantly, I was a host of the show. I wasn't her boss. I wasn't writing her checks.

No.

Yeah, did I worry about it?

No?

I trust.

Do you think I trust Carly? Did you think it was a bad idea?

No? Not really?

Did you think you could do better than me? Out of all the guys? Wait? Answer that question? Do you think she could do better than me?

I think she's done very well. You've ended up being a really nice person. How's that that.

Does not sayd hey?

Uh?

Out of all the men and boys? I guess if you go back far enough that your daughter that I'm married to dated, who would be your second pick after you?

Uh?

Huh boy. Oh, oh gosh, I'm doing a plank on his name. Oh sorry, that's awful.

You know it's not awful. You shouldn't remember.

I can't remember his name.

Did she have a good dating track record?

Yeah? I were nice guys, most of them.

Yeah, there's there any guys that you didn't like.

Some less than others. Yeah, sure of course any dad would be that way.

Were you were you? Were you intimidating to him? Did you ever threaten of any of her suitors?

No, Taylor. Now, Taylor tells me I was intimidating. But that's the first time I ever heard that in my life. We started out great together, and I could. I could throw you under the bus so bad, but I don't.

Yes, and I shared something the very first night we went to that dinner in Palm Beach together. Yes, oh, you shared some stuff with me.

That was a fun first dinner. It was fun.

Yeah.

We got picked up by I think a limo is them.

No, no fucking limo picked us up. We have wearn a nice everything seems like a stretch to you. Yes, so much leg room back here?

Well tease.

I do recall we were at the I was working in West Palm Beach and we were staying at the Four Seasons Hotel and you guys came to and the bartender said, what do you want to drink? And I said, I'll have a lemonade. This is we're at the pool. And he goes, oh, we don't have lemonade. Remember we don't have lemonade. But I can make you one, and I said, stop, don't want it, and he's like, no, I just I'll just you know lemons and some shut bob. I was like, and then you piped up. You know

They were bad. I remember that.

Yeah, that was that was day one. That was day one of our lives together. Oh two peas in a pod. Ever since amen. Did I ask for your blessing to marry your daughter?

You did, and I really appreciated that.

Do you want to know where you were the night I asked?

I know where I was?

You were at PF.

Chang's in Sarasota, Florida. I was, and I excused myself to go outside to talk to you. That was very sweet of you.

Yeah, we were. We were in big sir uh and and I call. I called you, and not only just to make sure everything went the way I wanted. I took at the time when you needed those. I took Carly's SIM card out of her phone so that she wouldn't even get a phone call or anything like that. And then I called you. You didn't pick he never pick up. I always have to go through your wife to get you.

I have suspected what the call may have been, so I had to go outside.

The technical and then you got per usual, very choked up your emotional self. Yes, you're an emotional person.

I am.

I mean you you cry at least I don't know once a trip if you come over here.

I'm not gonna say three or four times a day. Once a trip, yes, for sure.

At least once a trip. I mean, certainly, the good byes always get you. Yeah, first time you left the country.

Uh huh?

When was the first time you left your left the country of the United States of America?

Not that long ago? When you flew to London? Was wonderful? What that's not true? Where did I go? Otherwise? What are you alluding to.

The first time you left the country?

I swear?

Oh?

Oh, your wedding. I'm sorry, Oh my god, sorry, that was lovely, by the way, beautiful place. So you had never left the country.

And then I'm harry your daughter, and and we take you to Italy and you finally left there. I was leaving the country. You're such a patriotic person. Is it true or false? Oh? Yes, I mean you love I mean, you love this country someone you don't ever want to leave. But we brought you to Italy.

Yet it was fabulous, It was unbelievable.

Am I the son that you always really wanted?

I'm happy to have you as a son in law. No, I have two sons, sure, but I really wanted.

Okay, did you you wanted that last one? Because that last place we wanted to do, that last son of yours was six years after your last child. Yes, that's such a long dry spell. You probably didn't think you had a swimmer left in you.

He was a bonus baby, no doubt.

Are you which mccaulet. Did you have a Yeah?

I did? You did?

I'm getting one next month.

Oh really, I'm almost sad to hear that no more babies.

No, I can still have babies. Okay, I don't want to explain to you how it works.

I got an idea.

I got it. You're saved up. You see you ever look at that one section of our freezer. Those aren't ice cubes?

Oh god? Okay, thanks, all right, thanks?

Those in your teeth. Why do you need so much ice in every drink I have?

Because we live in Florida.

Well, but you're not in Florida when you're here, and I've got a water machine that pipes out cold, cold water. Yet you still need to put three hundred ice cubes in.

Every glass of course, by the way, and no ice cubes out here. It's like being in Europe. I mean you guys don't have any.

We have ice cubes, okay, okay, we all have today.

At that fine restaurant we ate, there were no hardly any ice cubes in anything.

Where do we eat yesterday? Oh that was a French restaurant? Yeah, uh huh. They didn't put enough ice in there for you.

No, they did not.

You're so weird about ice. You always have to have ice in everything. Talk about your sex life.

Next question.

Talk to me about your first wife, Corby. I didn't even know her.

Nate, that's it. Corby is a pretty name.

You were this is this is interesting to us for one reason. I think I think other people find it's interesting. You were married and and your your wife was married prior. Neither one of you had children before that I know of.

That's true.

If you would have if you had stayed married to your first wife and had a daughter, and I ended up marrying her, would she be prettier than my current wife? That's a good question.

It's a good question. Corby's a good looking everyone was a good looking woman. No, No, it couldn't be any prettier in Carly.

No, man, Okay, thank goodness. I just would hate to know that I left something on the table. All right, This is why I find this. How long were you married?

Uh, two and a half three years?

How long you married? Now?

Forty forty years.

Thanks for asking, which one feels longer?

Forty years feels a much longer.

Okay, I'm teasing you. Now, how long was she married first?

I think about five years. Oh yeah, Mike, his name was Mike.

I know he wrote a book and wrote about her.

She's in the book. I've never read it, but you've never read it. Now I read that you're going to.

You're gonna read that book. Come on, it's gotta be good.

I don't think so.

Your first wife. This is why it's interesting. This is why it's interesting because your kids were growing up, four kids. You're happening here one day. My wife when she was a child, she was probably ten eleven. She's at the mall with with your wife, her mother, and some of her kids, and she's eating at Philly cheese steak thing in the food court. Which one is that one called Charlie. She's eating Charlie's Philly Cheese steak in the mall.

We love those?

What's that?

We love those?

You don't say that you don't love them anymore.

We just financed one. I just I just financed on literally.

I did, all right, So we do love that. My best cheese steak in the food court. They okay, we love them all right. She's a young girl sitting there and your wife says, she just slips up somehow and says my first husband or something to that effect. And Carly went, mom, what did you say you were married before? And she, in typical fashion, not a woman that likes to apologize ever, would you say that's fair, that's fair, okay, and just was like, oh, your dad was married too,

It just never came up. It just never came up. And it was in the reference was to a friend of theirs. Their parents had been married previously. And then it just sounded so strange that she was saying that, we're like, well, we've both been divorced and married and anyway, it was a shock.

Can you still get into heaven?

I think so.

No, I don't know if that's how it works. I'll start the first question. Do you believe in ghosts?

I think I do? Yeah, I know you do. Yes.

Okay, Well, I know you do because one time you told me that you when you were staying in the Memhile cabin, you said that you felt felt her. She came in the first night, you said there was a breeze or something came out. She did because you had the windows open and it couldn't possibly be a breeze.

And she loved so I'm pretty sure that was her.

So it was a ghost.

Yeah, I think it was Mom, saying.

I I have a photo that I keep of her, of me pulling her around in a sled and snow. She loved it, and I have her binoculars. I believe I didn't know that. Okay you didn't you have her binoculars. I do. They're in that cabin.

Oh that's right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, we keep.

A pair of her binoculars there. I mean, I didn't steal them. That's wrong with you. Let's talk about your folks for a second. Your father recently passed away, but you had great and I'm sorry about that. You had great parents. Your father lived to be Howled ninety four, ninety four, and your mother lived to be Howled eighty nine. I believe now your mother knew a little bit more. I spent a little bit more time with her. She was is eccentric the right word? Yes?

Different?

Yes, I mean she was amazing, an amazing woman. She was a sweetheart, just artistic, very artsy. You had, you know, tell me about this. I had never quite understood it. But she had a garden of bowling balls.

That is correct in her house in Okaala, literally a backyard full of metal steaks in the ground with bowling balls on top of them.

Did she enjoy bowling?

Yes, she was a good bowler, So I was my dad.

Oh I didn't know that.

Yep.

So you grew up in now you were born in Memphis, but you grew up in Florida.

Fort Piers, Florida. Beautiful Fort Pierce.

Is it beautiful?

Used to be?

Huh?

The water's pretty?

You just you love the state of Florida, don't you. I do love Florida. What do you love so much about Florida?

The weather believer or not? It's still great. Played tennis year round. Went to the University of Florida, so I get to enjoy the sports almost year round with them. All my friends are from Florida. We grew up in Florida. It's a great place. Economy's booming.

Let's talk about the weather for a second. Yeah, before we get into that booming economy. Okay, it is because I feel like every time you're out here, all you talk about is how great it feels to not be sweating.

California has nicer weather. I'm sorry, Florida, it is very nice out here.

Forget California.

I'm not.

This isn't a contest, even though I know we won, certainly financially. Do you enjoy just the humidity. I just can't wrap my head around enjoying it.

No, it's very humid. It is fun to sweat when you're playing sports. But other than that, you're right, it's a little uncomfortable just walking around and getting hot walking along.

Talk about your legs and your thighs.

The legendary hallum thighs. Yes, let's not talk about that.

We do not talk about weren't you voted best legs?

I was at a bank, at a bank contest. I guess it was, so let's.

Just stop that it was at a bank contest. Uh, my father in law was voted best legs.

That is a true story.

Why were they having such a horrible contest.

Sundraiser.

It was a fundraiser and you had to show your legs.

Yes, it was pictures from the waist down in Jim Shortz.

What was your banking nickname?

That was Wow, given to me by a friend of mine, the lonea ranger man.

Isn't that cool?

Wait, they're laughing. They don't get it. They don't You don't get it. They don't get banking. It came with a statue of a guy on a rearing horse with a pistol.

It was great having worked in banking your entire career. Please explain why banks are evil.

If we're not evil, we're a necessary function. You have to have banks for the economy to work.

But you're huge, like you were recently fired from your bank for em besling. That's not true, but regardless, you're big into crypto. Walk me through that.

Yeah, the worst.

Please, you're not.

I don't get crypto.

You never you never even thought you were going to dabble into it.

I don't understand it at any level. I'd love to have somebody explain it to me. That made sense.

Is what is your job? Tell me what your job really was.

I'm a commercial relationship manager and so all things business related. We're kind of the quarterback of the team. So you go out and try to get businesses to come do their banking with your bank.

Do you sleep okay at night knowing you single handily cause the two thousand and eight financial crisis?

It keeps me up. Yes, hey thousand.

Did you or did you not go to Tallahassee and predict this, this financial housing market crash? Yes?

I did, and I was totally ignored, but I did do that. Can I do that? Great line? I have to do this.

This is what you want, your best line, but go ahead.

It was a good line.

You've got a good lines.

So they called me up to testify. I was president of the Mortgage Banker Association of Florida.

You don't have to tell us that we all know, okay.

Well, I was president of the NBAF and part of that. They called me up to Tallahassee to speak before a select committee and testify. And I said to him, we're getting ready to have a housing crash in Florida, which they totally blew me off. And I had this great line. I said, you know, it's easier to get a license to cut hair in Florida than it is to get I said that backwards. I'm sorry, start over. It's easier to get a mortgage broker license in Florida than it

And at that moment they all stopped what they were doing and said we have we've got a crisis on our hands. Or did they just say okay, what else?

That was it? It went totally over their heads.

Who's on your mount rush of loan originators?

I will say currently my sales manager is an incredible producer.

Absolutely blows us away. How much he does, how much, how much? What kind of numbers that we try. A person comes into your office that you're dealing with, it wants a loan a small business. What are they usually asking for? What's a typical a good loan versus like a normal run of the mill. One for.

A good loan would be three four five million on a normal loan might be five hundred thousand to a million.

And what did they have on a three to four million dollar loan. What do they have to have in place for this to get approved by the bank?

Income stream, equity in the project, knowledge background.

And yet sometimes your boss will still say no, you can't do the loan, or.

No, sometimes the bank doesn't want to do that kind of loan. Sometimes your boss doesn't agree with the strength of the loan.

Are you always trying to shove through any loan or not?

Necessarily? Never did a bad loan?

You never did a bad loan in your life.

Only one that I ever knew was going to go bad. It was a small line.

That's pretty good. Yeah, all right, This question is from a listener. As a commercial lending officer, what top percentage of bankers were you in based on your quantity of loans?

Okay, that's from a viewer. That's a great question.

I mean, did I say viewer, I'm sorry, I meant I meant that was from you.

Top ten percent. I'm going to say.

Top ten percent in the whole state of Florida.

Oh no, No, as a as a commercial banker for a smaller bank shell top ten percent production. Hm. I was told that once, actually by a headhunter.

By the way, speaking of hair, Yeah, you've got great hair.

Oh, thank you? No, what are you grown it long? Now that you're right, I am. This is my pre retirement cut.

By the way, you look sharp today.

Thanks, it's your shirt. I appreciate it.

What brand is?

This is Ralph Lauren Purple. Now here's the thing.

That's another thing that I like to compare my two daddies, my birth daddy and in you daddy. There's no world where my dad has any clue what Ralph Lauren Purple is? Did you do you guys even know what Ralph Lauren purple is?

Not purple?

Okay, Ralph Lauren everyone's heard of. But then there's a high end line called Ralph Lauren Purple. And he whenever shirts are a little small on me or whatever, I pass them on here and he's like, oh, He's like, that's a Ralph Lauren purple shirt. Just immediately excited. You know so much about fashion. Where did that come from?

I'm not sure. I always liked it. I don't know where it started. My mom was into dressing, so I think that's part.

Your mom was a sharp dresser.

And she wanted us to look good, the kids look good.

I saw photos of her in I think it was London?

Is that true?

Yes, she used to liked to go to London.

He did love London.

Yes, it's just like our bags and stuff like that. It was just like just a little aristocrat, just a socialite.

She looked okay, Memphis bell uh huh.

I liked it. Okay, So you but you care about all those things. You like clothes? You like clothes. What's your favorite favorite stop brand?

Harmani would still be my favorite. An Harmani suit? I had many?

Yes, yet I'm tailored. Now you have to what's your side? You have to tailor five eight? You keep saying that, but we all know true will measure. Sometimes. I should get you an inversion table. Do you want to hang out? I would, yes, I probably need that. Actually, I'll get you an inversion table. We'll get that extra inch back there, you please. You you wear risers in your shoes. It's not true, but you used to wear suit to work every day of your life, and now that that those days are gone, Yeah.

It is sad. Banking has gotten very casual.

Well right, but even even more casual retiring. Oh yeah, for sure, are you going to when are you wearing a suit? Just funerals that's it. Weddings, funerals and weddings.

That'll be it.

What do you want to be buried in? Do you want to be buried or cremated? I'm cremating you, but whatever, tell me what you want. I'd rather been buried, but you can cremate me. I don't care. You have a plot picked out?

I do not.

Should we talk about that?

No?

Okay, you want us to just ignore that?

That's why do you care?

It's one? Of course, it's way too early. My parents have two plots. I think we're not We're not using them. We're going we're going fertilizer. I'm gonna put my dad in one of those. Uh those are the machines that when you put fertilizer in your yard and just walk them through the whole property. Yeah, that'd be kind of cute.

Yeah, we spread my mother's ashes in London.

You reason, well, you you kept some for different locations?

Yes, okay, part of vershere?

Where where did you just throw them willy nilly in London?

Or do you actually know? We were at a beautiful park and I thought that was appropriate, saying it's not illegal? Probably?

Yeah, I don't think you're I don't think you're allowed to just travel with human remains.

No, you can. You have to. They give you a box with a sign on it that says human remains. Yeah, you do that?

Did you have? You had that? Yeah, that's something you have to declare it customs.

Yes, it is.

I always do go with the customs. Just to be funny, they like, do you have any to declare? I mean I have human remains?

Yeah.

Okay. Now that you are retiring from commercial lending, what's the next chapter? Relaxation? Death death is next right around the corner. No, you yo, you've got at least thirty years. Oh, it's so good.

And if I match my dad, yeah yeah, thirty years. No, that's twenty five years.

But oh whatever, Yeah, you can beat your dad by five?

Okay, hope. So how much you weigh in today?

And what's what do you want to get to?

One seventy five?

One seventy five?

Lean lean help my tennis game?

Oh yeah yeah. Now, your serve is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in sports.

Oh it's bad, my fast serve. Yeah.

Let me let me tell you something. First of all, here's how he tries to be. He quick serves, yet it's a quick He's almost like when Curios would do those underhand serge.

He just.

It's almost like he's playing table tennis. Work it works, No, it's it's it's great. It's effective.

Okay, it's effective.

What's your rank intents? What would you be? What?

Uh?

Doubles? I think I'm still a four to roh. Singles, I would have to be a three to five O.

Best a three five? And how is your tennis game lately?

I'm pretty good? Pretty good? No, you don't think so well?

No, No, I mean because you haven't been playing as much. Hopefully now with retirement you'll you'll play more. Are you in the league currently?

Am not in the league. I do have a match I try to play on Saturday mornings.

Is it mixed doubles?

It's mixed doubles. Do you play with your wife? Not very often because she's hard to play with? Can I say that? Yeah?

You can say that, But aren't you're awful to play with as well?

You? That is true?

You aware yourself constantly. I recall one time playing you, I think you were up in the in set one. You might have been up five to one. Okay, yeah, yet still if you missed a shot, you would be like fuck God, you'd be like Mike, really, you weren't even happy beating me five to one. You needed to be winning five zero at the time, like you were still getting mad at yourself if you missed a shot.

That's a hallum thing. We have a very high bar of our expectations. Sorry, competitive, super competitive, that's it.

I've been trying to get you to cross over to the pickleball world and you're reluctant, but you will play occasionally with us.

It's a silly sport. Sorry.

You don't have to apologize to me. Who's your favorite tennis player of all time?

Oh, na, doll, that's easy.

It's your favorite of all time. Oh yeah, And you never thought it was weird that that his pre serve routine involved him picking his asshole and then wiping his face.

That is a very weird tickie ass Yes.

With his butt. He picks his butt, first, adjusts things, touches three things, and then touches his face before every serve. We'll go ahead and show that. Hey, it is your birthday, but I always give everybody a gift that comes on the show. Okay, so I had regifting I am regifting, but also I went the extra mile and wrapped it. So happy birthday.

Daddy, Daniel. Do you want me to open us?

Take your time.

I'm afraid you're going to give me back something. But stumbling, what do you say? That's that?

What it is?

It's underwear.

Yeah, you gave these back to me.

And now I'm getting them back. Yeah. Thanks, Okay, these are the ones I want back. Can I give you the Nyland ones?

No, I'm not giving You're keeping all of them. Here's the Here's the thing, guys, I don't like whenever they come visit. I have I have, like you know, I have way too many rules of my life. But I always say, guys, pack light. I'm always like, pack light, don't check luggage, right, It's pretty pretty normal thing to say.

And then they what do they do?

Oh, we had to check a bag because we brought your son fifteen presents that he doesn't need.

And now I'm now we're waiting.

At the airport. Uh an extra forty five minutes or worse, they have a connection. We missed the connection. We're gonna stay in Dallas for the night. I'm like, yeah, how is that? In the middle of the stream with you with your luggage. So I stopped that. Now they only will take take direct flights, and I said, you're no longer traveling with luggage. All we're gonna We're gonna have your California clothes here so that you don't have to bring stuff. And then we got him. He got them

Has not? Sorry?

What get that taken care of? I didn't buy those to not be worn.

Get those on her, those cute pajamas on. But I haven't seen the sexy underwear.

No, you're gonna see that. So I get them some underwear, and then he says, guys, this is too much underwear. Take these back. So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go return something that I probably a three pack that I bought, probably in an outlet store that costs eight dollars.

No, I'm not.

You're keeping all of your underwear.

Thank you.

Those are nice? You'll like those? Those are those are? I think I have cotton on them so that if you have if you have some drip, it'll absorb it.

I need that. No, I don't I.

Have drip oh, man, if I get up too quickly, put that on the floor. Did you finish telling me about your sex life right now? Yeah?

I did.

You've been married for how many years?

Forty?

Just turn forty, just turn forty. You'll love her more today than you did the day married her?

Best thing I ever?

Did you think you'll ever get remarried?

No? Never?

No?

No?

What?

What do you think are a few of the keys to staying happily married?

H keep her happy, she's always right, let her pick where she wants to eat dinner, leave her alone?

How's that these are tales of a beaten man? How many years did you think Carly and I would be married?

I think you guys have a good marriage. Do you want me to guess how many.

Years when we first decided to get married did you think, Oh, this is not gonna last.

Or this is gonna last?

How long?

I trust Carly?

Well, I know, but everyone gets married hoping it lasts forever. But that's not the reality. Well, I got news for you. We're ending it. Okay, there it is, no No, I'm happy it's gonna be. I always think if if there was like a way to actual measure love, that that I love Carly more than she loves me if if there was, and I think she agrees which way, No, I think she agrees that I probably love her more than she loves me. If there if it was an

Oh, that's a fact that's not disputed.

That makes me laugh. That's silly. I still can't believe you caused the two thousand and eight crisis. Next time on Tash Show, talk about the cancer and all the ass play that was involved. Yes, so you did some marijuana. Yeah, we smoked, and you were like, oh, what did you just say?

That's a great story. That could be incorrect.

That's incorrect.

Does that incorrect?

That's incorrect.

I was the evil person. I think it was in a wheelchair too. That was the evil old white guy.

You ever pooped your pants as an adult?

Yeah?

Probably pash Shop. Fascinating. I want to thank my father in law, Greg for being on the podcast. And you know what he told me right after we wrapped carl and he said, he goes Garrett. That's that's the other boyfriend. That was my second favorite boyfriend that my wife had. Pete chimed in immediately Garrett fucked your wife. Go right right in front of Greg. It's so uncomfortable.

Came to his eye.

Yeah, Carl, there was so much good stuff in that interview. We decided to break precedent. We're gonna make it a two parter, Eddie. Hit the trumpets. It's a two part We're gonna We're gonna finish this up next week. There was so much gold in there. And talking to my father, Oh, I'm gonna get him in so much trouble. No, I can't say. The guy wouldn't stop telling me stuff. All right, we gotta do the plugs. You're doing stand up anywhere.

I got some gigs Stir Crazy and Glendale, a lounge at the end of the Universe in Boise and go Bananas and Cincinnati.

Jesus Christ, When when are all these dates? Eddie?

Throughout the rest of the year, you gotta go to I'm just leaving it open ended.

You gotta go to. Where do you go to? Eddie? Gosling dot com.

Is Eightygosling dot Com used to be big poll tight hole dot com, but Uh, people were afraid to click on the link because I thought it was a porn side.

So you know, you can still go to Men's Butts dot com to get my tour dates. That's right, Speaking of weird websites, if you can't afford to go anywhere, why don't you go? This is an is a free plog. Really, I just it's a website. Just go to map crunch dot com. It's uh, it'll basically transport you to any random street view somewhere in the world. It's just a fun little website to play with. Anyway. I don't I don't get paid for that. The goats available all episodes

One super Time. Maybe a dot with Rim and the King. There people on the beach like paddle it be so thin, pop up and they get a show and Madonna up and then suddenly they gone and they all care. They land na you can't think yeah, and then lam back home shut. They locked the do not all of the doll so nothing will comment. Then something happened the house were adult, they knew what happened that they electrically went off in their house and there was somebody huge fort

Aft him, what are you?

What do you don't know what you're saying? The workman after him.

The fucking at him, the frost no, the face frost no.

A sloth yeah, a slaw.

I got it, but they were two fold so did. And then then on the cheetah, and the cheetah went sofa and then he done in the cheea car.

The cheetah has a car.

It was just a Halloween tattoo.

Who was dressed up like a cheetah.

Maybe out now a real cheeter a.

Real cheetah dressed up like a cheetah. Yeah, is this the end of the story? No, when does it end? Because it makes it's just gone ten minutes, oh my goodness.

And then something happens. The animal wam back, but the molten lamb the more it team. What do you see me?

Ever?

Bidden to come from flane ruled.

I don't know, d n