Tosh Shaw Tosh Show, Tosh Show Show. Hey guys, it's Daniel Tosh with an emergency pod Eddie hit the sirens. Balm waal waal waal. You know what? I don't know if if if it's an emergency or if this is just a celebration because it's our birthday. Now, what are the odds that Carl and I share the same birthday? One in three hundred and sixty five. Yep, Well we don't share the same birthday. His was yesterday, His is the twenty eighth, mine's the twenty nine. Happy birthday, buddy.
Carl is four and I am fifty. What all I want for my birthday is a big booty ho? How many times have I said that? And every year? What do I get my wife? I want a big booty ho. That's all I want. Oh, it's pret now, you guys didn't get me anything because your normal. But let's just go around the room. You can say happy birthday to me and tell me what you would have gotten me, and I will react the way I would have reacted. Okay, Eddie,
what were you gonna get me? I would have gotten you a suit of armor with a shield and a fucking hated I hate it, and you would you would get me a suit of armor. Well, I don't want to thank you very much as the thought that counts. Good job, John. You what were you gonna get me? Let's see, I probably would have given you cookies or something from as that would have been nice. I don't want anything from ASoP. Fine cookies would have been nice. A lot of people do that, but they give me
too many. I would have just like one or two cookies. I'd probably gotten you a dozen that would have just gotten me sick. Assuming you would have shared that. I would share them, but I'd still eat too many of them in a short amount of time. Of course, of course I'm glad you didn't get it. More on you. I don't want It's sure it's on me. So it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your gift. Right, Well,
I don't gift all right, Dylan. You know I think I would have gotten you nothing just because I figured that's probably what Dylan gets us. Dylan gets a happy Birthday to me from Dylan. Every year, a handful of people in my circle try to buy me a gift that they think, oh, he's gonna love this, and it always fails. But this year, my manager, Christy Smith, she bought me the most. She was so excited about it. She was just had a shitting and grin for weeks before.
She's like, I just know you're gonna love it. And then she kept she kept calling, Meg, are you home? I want to drop it off. I'm like, fucking yes, I can't wait for this. Okay, what does she get me? Are you ready for this? Guys? She gives me a personal submarine. Hey, that's amazing. It's a c bob huh so it's handheld, but it's like the size of this table, and it can go forty meters deep. You can drag you in fucking four of your family members to the day depths where all of your ears blow out and
you die. You can surface like a dolphin with it. It's just the most ridiculous gift anybody could buy me. But I love it. I haven't used it. I don't think i'll regift it, but anyway, that's what she got me. You're gonna spend all of July in Lake Tahoe. I'm gonna spend all of July under Lake Tahoe. Looking for all the Chinese people that were thrown in there after
building the railroads. So let's let's let's see if she answers her phone, I'll call her and say thank you to herschel let her say happy birthday to me as my manager. Hello, he just was giving me a chance on air to say happy birthday.
To me and you all, Happy birthday?
How pleased were you with your gift that you gave me?
I'm not gonna lie. It's the most excited I've been to give a gift in a very very long time.
But we still couldn't tell if you like it or if you we gonna ge to Eddie. No, I'm not giving that to Eddie. Will fucking die on that thing in a minute. Did you like it? It was a good gift. I mean, it's the most ridiculous gift I've ever gotten, that's for sure. I was excited. All right, good work, I'll see you later.
By Hello.
Hey, I'm doing my birthday pod, letting people wish me a happy birthday right now.
Happy birthday here officially not a spring chicken anymore.
I'm old as shit. Hey, are you are you gonna get Are you gonna get me something nice. Of course. Well you know that Christy didn't include you on her gift. That's rude.
She already sent it to you.
The submarine, Yeah, I already got a submarine. Oh my gosh, you're on your own.
I'm getting you a helicopter with your own pilot.
Huh.
The helicopters in the mail.
Okay, Stacy says, she's giving me a helicopter. Hey, Greg Haunt, it's just giving you a call. It's my birthday episode on the podcast. I turned fifty years old. I'm just giving people a chance to say happy birthday to me.
Hey, birthday, Danielle, Happy birth.
How many pollups can you do? How many pull ups right now? Probably three? Is that bad? Good? That's good, that's good. That's about average. Are we live on the podcast? What's going on?
Yeah?
Yeah, we're live. Do you have any hey? What you just give me some words of wisdom? Well, what do you do? You wake up? You go for a walk, don't you. Yeah, that's it. That's all you gotta do. That's the key to health. You wake up, you walk around your neighborhood. Don't do ten thousand steps, that's too many. Well, okay, we have a little bit around the neighborhood and have a seat, a couple of coffee. Looks straight ahead. You're good, all right, talk to you later. Okay, Hey, hi, Hey,
I'm calling you. It's my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me a happy birthday.
Oh for sure, happy birthday.
Did you get the lovely card we sent you? No? I didn't get your card. Oh it's in the mail. Oh nice said that last week.
Man.
Oh, good for you guys. But we don't check our mail very often because not a lot of people mail us things.
Yes, it should be there today.
Do you have any Are you officially fifty years old? Yeah? You do? You have any words of wisdom for my fifties?
Oh, words of wisdom for your fifties?
The best half of your life is behind you.
That seems horribly depressing.
That's a horrible okay.
Yeah, No, fifties are the new thirties. That's awful too. That's worse. I like the first one. Okay, all right, I'll see you soon. All right, man, Okay, happy birthday. Thank you, call my brother. I'm on the podcast. Yeah you are, Okay, happy birthday.
It's all the pressure.
What's not a lot of pressure. You say for birthday, by the way, uh uh, what have you known as my birthday? Honestly? Yes? Or no? You have to only because yeah, his son has the same birthday as me. Yeah, so he never never gets me anything though, Were you gonna get me something? No? But it is.
Funny when you like invite me to like do something for your birthday and I'm like, they should spend it with my sons.
All right, happy birthday to thank you. Yeah. I always forget that his son's birthday is my same day, and then he's always like, bro, I'm not going to your fucking dinner. I'm like, all right, geez, you want to call his Cara top and see if he answers his phone.
Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.
The Scott Jerk Move, Scott Jerk Move. Hello. Yeah, I wanted to remind you of that last year I didn't give you all that ride and stuff and then it ended up on the show being getting away to that Frog find Me d Yeah, but let me say, uh this about the gifts that you gave me last year from the ribbean stuff. The stickers over the warnings are in my car and I love that and uh the charger. Uh I used the double charger thing. Uh, so I kept the ones that I wanted.
Well, I've just been multiple times the things that have ended up on your shows.
As a gift at the end, Right, what are you called back?
My brother called back to be like I got you something. It's called Pete's Wife. Hello, Hey, you're on my birthday podcast. I'm just letting people say happy birthday to me.
Oh wow, happy birthday.
Did you want to did you want to sing or anything?
Hey?
I got well, no, it stops, stops, it stops saying I got carre top on the airline by Scott. Hey, bubby, Hey, you're on my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me happy birthday because I'm fifty years old.
Oh you're fifty. God damn you're young.
Fuck fifty.
I'm sixty.
Yeah. Yeah, but you look I'm already I look fucking great. Right, you look amazing.
Happy birthday. But yeah, are you on your podcast now?
Yeah? I'm on it right now.
Oh well, I want to be on that fucking thing. I've been asking you forever.
Done, you're on. I mean, we can rub lotion on me. I'm not doing any of that. Thanks, thanks were wishing me a happy birthday, Scott. I'll see you soon, Yes, sir, you got it.
You.
I haven't called my mother yet. You're called Margo. Let's just let's just call her real fast. She never answers anymore. She's got her phone on silent. Happy birthday.
But maybe I wasn't gonna call you. Maybe I was it's going to send you a text and say happy birthday.
You just sent a text. How about a gift? Were you planning on sending any gifts?
No? Even though you're fifty.
Is that is that amazing that you have a fifty year old son.
Well, I have an older daughter.
Right, but that's less that's less impressive. Biblically, nobody cares about the daughters.
Okay, okay, well that's good.
Happy birthday. Thank you for giving me life and and I stayed alive for fifty years, so it's like I did my part. You did your part.
Yeah, yeah, right right, you're a good son.
Okay, Okay, Happy fiftieth birthday, old man.
Thank you, love you, okay, love you bye? Mm hmmm, I'd rather get you something. Thank you. Uncomfortable?
How game works?
How are you in I'm good man. I'm on your podcast. Yeah you Eddie and I are just talking to you right now. What Eddie? What's up? I gotta call any two. But all right, happy birthday. But I'm still sending you some shit now that I know it's your birthday. Thank you, Ian.
Oh but I already got you something I know.
But I but you gave it to me like weeks ago, so it doesn't really count.
Well, guess what, there's something else here that you don't know about. So take that all right, Okay, Happy birthday?
You love me, I love you.
Didn't you see my nails?
She painted her nails and put a d T at my initials on one of her nails, like it like she's like a seventh grader.
Yeah, like a slutty little high school girl. Then the other one has a heart.
Well that's very sweet. Alight, right there, I'll talk to you later, okay bye.
Oh my god, you know you're older than you thought.
What old was? Yeah? Yeah, it's very true. Oh my god.
Well you know what I'm gonna be trailing you. I got two years to go before I hit the big five?
Oh are you serious? Yes?
I know it's crazy, isn't it.
Oh, You've always been just that up and coming comic. To think that you're forty eight now is crazy, dude.
You know when I really started lying about my age, I'm not.
Even kidding, huh.
I turned twenty because I thought, oh, I'm not young anymore because I started comedy. I'm sixteen, seventeen eighteen. People always tell everybody this kid's only eighteen. Then when I turned twenty, I'm like, oh, fuck, I better start saying I'm better start lying about my age.
What else? What are you working? What are you doing?
I'm going to New York in November for the first two weeks in November, okay, and I'm doing the show like with the big band and everything for literally thirteen days straight.
What's the venue.
It's Second City in Brooklyn, all.
Right, Second City in Brooklyn, first two weeks in November. You're plugged, Todd. Oh, happy birthday to you. I uh.
You.
I'll see you soon, right, guys, I'm exhausted. So what what a what a party? Thanks Eddie for being here for throwing this surprise party for me. You got me a balloon. Carl didn't even stick out stick around the whole party. But that's like Carl. Carl, He's not gonna He's not the guy that like hangs out till the end. He pops in, he pops out. Well, if if my next fifty years or anything like my first fifty years, I'll be okay with it. Well now, what, what a
what a great birthday. I can't wait to do it again next year. See you next week.