263. Drafted Into The Applebee's Wars

Lords: * Xalavier * Brianne Topics: * Why do movies about contract killers skip over the good part of negotiating in excruciating detail the contract and clauses present? * Are fictional characters greater role models than real people? * The new Zelda game talks too much and I'm okay with that * Think of Others by Mahmoud Darwish * https://www.ayearofbeinghere.com/2014/11/mahmoud-darwish-think-of-others.html * Should every person be forcibly drafted into a customer service job, like the military. * The horrible things I would do in the Criterion Closet, if given an opportunity. * Jim's evidence for why The Pest is memorable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAB8dNMoXZ0 Microtopics: * I Am Your Beast. * Making 50 games in 7 years. * A co-op Kaiju horror cooking game * The Name of the Rose meets Godzilla meets Lethal Company. * Power couples in games. * Moviegoers who want to know about contract law. * Search and replacing "murder" with "unalive" so that a contact killer can safely sue the client for breach of contact. * Pedantic legal contact killer law every week. * Lowering the bar so that we can all raise it later. * Doctor Odyssey. * Disheveled Detective. * The Autistic Coded Detective. * A ahow about autistic people written by neurotypical people. * Making a weekly podcast and scoffing at the TV shows that can only manage 24 episodes a year. * Asking google for the "podcast with the fewest episodes" and google just assuming you meant the podcast with the shortest running time. * Sending children to the sharps dump. (Because the kid asked for it and the parent signed a waiver.) * Desperately knocking on Google's door and beginning them to tell you where the furthest Denny's is. * The Waluigi-owned Denny's in the Andromeda Galaxy. * Role Models happening accidentally. * Donald Duck becoming a sex pest after edgier writers take over. * A form of self to aspire to. * 300 Rorschach Guys in a discord server. * An epic story that FromSoft will continue to plunder of its biggest plot elements for the next 30 years. * A character that you relate to and then you realize that's bad. * What do you do after you get what you want? * Leading a horde of ninja at the dictates of an Eldritch god. * Getting what you've been looking for and realizing that you're no longer the person who wanted that thing. * Role-playing a princess who has to talk to a litany of insufferable people. * Swinging your sword through grass to reveal rupees. * Zelda's Got an Onus. * Who you're thinking about as you pay your water bills. * Those who are nursed by clouds. * Shakespeare beeves. * GettingTikTok Mad. * The Death of Arthur. * Impacting media literacy for generations because you want to make a sassy pun. * Slipping into Belgian because you don't have enough mana to speak French. * The red phone in every publicly traded franchise restaurant that connects the customer directly to a random shareholder. * Working a Black Friday at a retail job and being awarded a purple heart. * Working a Best Buy Geek Squad tour of service to earn your citizenship. * The Criterion Closet. * The level of stardom you need to attain in order to remove movies from the Criterion Collection. * Supermarket Sweep. * Asking someone who took one year of high school French what you call someone who owns a closet. * I would not be normal and they would not be safe. * Landed noblemen who are super into Amontillado. * Where to lock the insufferable friend who went to film school. * How many Miami Vice episodes ended up in the Criterion Collection. * The movie that you remember the least. * Forgiving the insufferable film school attendees in your life because you can't think of a good punishment for them.