Welcome back to Top5 brought to you by to DefinedTalent. We are a results driven service working with clients to connect them with quality talent as well as working to make an impact within the recruiting industry. We talk straight about today's professional world with real world professionals, experts in recruitment, job seekers and business owners alike. Have a question for us? Send it in and you might spur our next conversation. I'm Tara Thurber, Director of Talent Innovation
here at DefinedTalent. And today's Top5 conversation is all around working mamas and I am super excited to introduce our guests. First joining us we have Amy Quinn. And then we also have Marilyn Schlossbach. Ladies. Hi, how are you?
Good. Tara, how are you?
I'm doing good. So why don't one of you kind of kick us off here, Amy, Marilyn, who wants to go first? Just give us a little introduction about yourselves and where you are in the professional world and where you are in mama land.
I'm gonna let Marilyn kick it off.
(laughs) Thanks, Amy. Okay, so I'm a mom of twin, 10 year olds (girls) - business owner in a bunch of product development right now for some side projects that came out of COVID. I am an older mom, I didn't have kids till I was in my mid 40s. So that adds a different dimension to motherhood for sure. Coming up on the 10-year anniversary of Sandy which by far was more problematic, problematic for my life than COVID was honestly for my personal professional life. Um, but yeah, so I guess I have
some tips. The trade of motherhood versus business.
Marilyn. You are currently owner of Langosta Lounge, Pop's Garage, Asbury Park Yacht Club, White Chapel Projects. And then you also have Marilyn Schlossbach Catering. And then you also run an on a nonprofit as well. Right?
Food for Thought by the Sea.
Awesome!
Yep. We sold a restaurant in COVID and added a couple product lines to our portfolio. So I'm also - through my husband - partners in a company called Two River Mushroom which is the organic only certified organic mushroom company in New Jersey. And we are launching a product that we got a grant from the FDA, they were giving grants to farmers last year to make auxilary products to offset the cost of farming. So we're working on a vegan ramen broth.
Cool!
And launching hopefully this week, if we can get the website done as an organic head to toe hair/face/body oil called Ocean Oil for minimalist traveler/adventure people who like to put great products on their, on their body, and I just left and that's why I couldn't jump on - I'm going to a co Packer for chocolate line that I developed in COVID when I met a chocolate cheer on a ferry ride to New York (laughs).
(laughs)
And I ended up jumping into this product thinking I was going to be out of restaurant business because of COVID. And then we sold the restaurant that we were producing the chocolate out of. So now we're doing R&D at a co-packer. So I have quite a bit going on these days.
(laughs) Yeah!
But the restaurant business is not a very profitable thing on in the winter and especially on the Asbury Park Boardwalk. So it gives time to focus on some side projects that can keep my income coming in when I don't get paid (laughs).
That's awesome. All of the sounds absolutely amazing. And I'm sure there's a lot of juggling that has to take place too. Being a business owner and a momma at the same time.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I think I'm lucky my husband is an artist so he works from home so we have some flexibility there when he's not delivering mushrooms and you tell you It takes a village, I'm sure. I mean, I see our neighbor walking Amy's son. You know, I'm lucky enough to have a lot of people in my life through my businesses, I employ a lot of people. So there's always somebody to tap into when you're in a crunch.
Yeah.
But, you know, I think my biggest regret of the last 10 years was not spending enough time with my kids. Because my other kids, my grown up kids come first most of the time, you know?
Yeah.
When my my daughter one day said, What are you doing home? Why aren't you at work?
(laughs)
You're never home light bulb moment that I really needed to, to shift some of the things that I do and get into some business models that aren't so dictated by the location that I'm sitting in, you know?
Yeah, I hear that. Wow. And Amy, tell us a little bit about you.
So I'm the Deputy Mayor in Asbury Park, and I've been in Asbury about a little over 20 years. My day job is legal services attorney. So we represent people who can't afford attorneys originally assigned by judges, if they, you know, believe some of this is happening and the client can't afford an attorney.
Yeah.
That's my day job. I'm similar to Marilyn. And I also didn't have a child early I was in my early 40s, which I think made me a much calmer, more thoughtful parent than if I had had a child in my 20s or early 30s. And also similar to Marilyn, I also have a great team, she described one of them, Geoffrey, my wife works at home as well, and is super, super hands on. So I am very lucky and very privileged in a lot of ways in raising a seven-year-old little boy.
Amazing. I want to go to the village because I feel the same way if I didn't have my village, I live in Shark River Hills. And I've got a six-year-old and a 10-year-old, both girls, and they're in two different schools. And I have to say the village, it takes a village. And we all lean on each other. And, you know, in the in the beginning, it was I moved to this area, I originally was living up in Jersey City for many years. And I moved down to the Jersey Shore area about 10
years ago. And coming here, I didn't know a single soul. And it was hard because a lot of people that are in my close community, they've known each other they went to elementary school with each other. And they've all stayed connected this whole time. So I was the outcast coming in and ended up getting pregnant pretty shortly after I moved here and I was very alone. And I didn't know what it was to have a village. I didn't know what it was to have
a community. And I feel that now 10 years later, I couldn't live without this village. You know, we are all so supportive of one another. And there's so many different types of people throughout the community. But we all at the end of the day we can all come together for one another and for the sake of the kids, which I think has been really eye opening for me and you know, even through COVID. And I see nothing but still a silver lining that came out of
COVID. I'm a very opportunistic thinker, I feel and even though I'm, you know, working, I work at home, but I also work out of the house. So I'm in and out throughout the day, the week, the month, and the village is what I can come back to. And I know that my kids, if I can't be there, I can call somebody to be there. And I think that's something I had a really hard time asking for help earlier on in my career and mom hood, I guess. And now that's what we all do is we're all asking for
help. We're all reaching out because this village is what keeps us all connected and what keeps us all building and growing as individuals but together as a community.
Absolutely.
So just some statistics I was looking at as well. 64% of mothers are the primary earners in their homes even when they live with a partner. Among married couple families with children 96.5% had at least one employed parent in 2021 and 62.3% of these families, both parents were employed. So when we talk about the village and that tribe? I mean, this is what we've all had. Prior to COVID I'm sure there was villages and tribes within our communities. But I feel and I feel like it's just
gotten stronger since. What do the two of you think about that?
I don't know. For me, this summer was the most complicated work environment I've ever lived in.
Yeah
In 40 years of being in hospitality. And I see it in my kids, too, you know. I mean, I'm almost 60. So I've been through generational changes in culture, but this one, and maybe it's just because I'm older, and I'm starting to sound like my parents (laughs) the entitlement and the impatience of people in general because of technology, and the access to so much so quickly. And the disconnect of communication
Yup.
Is very challenging in my business, because we are a business of communication of people. And the shift to using more technology and less people is very disheartening to me. And I'm, you know, really trying, like, on Sundays, I never took Sundays off for my whole career, because it's a very busy day, especially in the summer.
Yeah.
And this year, I did. And Sunday is the day that I take my kids, we get a car, we leave, we go to the mountains, we go to the beach, we turn the phone off, we go have lunch, we talk when I can get them to talk because we bring the dog, and we get outside and get away from you know, the constant, you know, my workload, it's always back and forth, text, email, text. Now I see the kids texting each other. And my kids don't have a phone, they use one of my work phones.
So that's connected to me, and I see all the interaction. And it's just so fast! Everything is so fast. And it's so hard to slow down. And when you talk about, you know, what do you need to do all this? I even talked to my employees, because some of them are having kids now and they're very overwhelmed in that I'm like, You need a calendar! (laughs) To block out time. You need to do
(laughs) whatever it is that makes you happy, whether it's working out or going out or dancing, or whatever it is enough to fulfill yourself, so you can be the best you to all the people you have to interact with. It's, you know, in hospitality, it's very draining - there's emotion from everybody all the time. There's chaos, there's drama, there's, it's a very young industry. So it's just a constant - I feel like people are just tugging at your inner emotional mindset.
It's like pulling the energy suckers, right?
Yeah!
You're constantly giving and giving that you get depleted so quickly. And the technology, you're right, I mean, disconnecting. I like that we have set times in our house that I have to disconnect (laughs). It's not even the kids, because the kids in our house, we don't really have screens and they don't have their phone, they don't have a phone or anything. But the most important thing is for ME to disconnect so that I can I can be that role model, I guess for them to try and slow down. But
it's so hard. And it's - you have to break that off for your own self, your own self care to rejuvenate to bring your energy back. Because if not, then what do you have to give to your kids? And then what do you have to give to everybody else that you're that's trying to take that energy to right?
Yeah, I think that technology makes people needier or maybe less boundaries. Before cell phones you know you didn't call people at nine o'clock at night you didn't text people at whenever you felt like it you had these boundaries around work and personal life that we don't we seem to cross that a lot.
Yeah.
And it's so available to everybody that it's hard to say Oh, I'm gonna put this phone away because maybe you know, somebody's gonna call the refrigerator broke or somebody called out sick or whatever. But you know, tomorrow when I look back, oh, well, refrigerator broke, it's still broken today (laighs).
Feel a little also of what Maryland kind of felt with the pandemic and behaviors. So pre-pandemic I would go to a meeting between AP TV or public art, you know, almost three or four nights a week, all week, throughout the month.
Yeah.
Pandemic hit, and everything kind of shut down, there becomes a sort of realization that I don't need to go to all these meetings, right? You get this, like, whoever did the meme that this can be an email, this can be now, right? We don't do this. But a lot, having a little bit of that time to kind of reflect and be thoughtful on what's important and being home more. And I know what we saw the first year, the pandemic was just everyone
really terrified, right? So it was like shutting things down, and then trying to figure out how to support residents and businesses, and coming out of it into the third year. And what else we sort of noticed during the pandemic is with people home and anxious, so you're home and you're anxious. The behaviors, you know, when people would
(laughs) describe speeding in 2019, it would be kind of like, Hey, man, you got to put a speed bump on 5th or 4th or wherever. Yeah, a lot of speeding, and then that and then people home and the
And then trying to like, get that level, you know, pandemic and the anxiety, it was like, "Amy speeding! Everybody's gonna die from speeding - everybody's gonna die!" (laughs). trying to like, talk to that level. And not, and also find the solution to that, right? Like, Okay, well, we got to figure out, you know, we'll get a bit more patrols or whatever it is, I'm using speeding as an
example. You know, I saw people's reaction being a lot more less patient, and to my point with the restaurants, so you go out to dinner a lot at Langosta or anywhere, Porta. And again, in the beginning of the pandemic, you saw people really appreciative of waitstaff and a business owners opening, and you know, doing it during this really, really stressful time. And then again, the year after that, you saw the impatience.
What I would consider the lack of kindness, particularly in the restaurant industry, and the hospitality industry, if you were waiting too long, you know, you couldn't just get yourself another drink, you had to express how long you were waiting. Verbally. You know, it was a really, you know, particularly I think, in the hospitality industry. It was, it has been tough! It has been tough. So what I've experienced just as a public official, and the reactions seems to be on steroids in hospitality.
Yeah. Do you feel that it's still inching up with that kind of path? Or do you feel that now that we're kind of pushing through I mean, we're going into the winter season, right? So it's, it's like a different animal out there in the winter than it is in the summer, or the spring or whatever? You know, I feel like there's two different energies that really come. So do you feel that it's leveling out a little bit? Are you do you feel like people are still there, they're
still speeding super fast. And it's, it's getting faster now that more people are coming out more people are doing things?
I would say the peak, I have seen the peak pass, it's not where it was, the thoughtfulness towards these things isn't where it was early on. I'm on a committee called Asbury Park TV, APTV. And twice owners come on and do videos about visitors. Right? So it goes up on our public access, be kind, right? If you're waiting for a drink, or if you're waiting for dinner, order
another drink. If you're waiting for a table, go for a walk, if you, you know if Interwoven, doesn't have your scarf is something else, you know, but twice, and I've been on APTV for a decade. Twice we did these public videos to remind people that when you're coming into town to please demonstrate kindness.
That's awesome.
Yeah, I feel like you know, when we were coming out of this, I thought people would be much kinder.
Right.
And mainly because I thought people would want to be with other people and enjoy not being so rushed through life because they hadn't been with people in so long, it was still is very surprising to me that the behavior is not what I thought it would be. But I think there's so many factors, you know, fear makes people not the nicest kindess in general. It brings out all of our kind of accelerated thought process in
the moment. And we get into this triage/Band Aid mode instead of core solve it problem solving or strategic planning in life. We get very reactionary. And then you add
Mmm hmm. all these politics to it, you know, no offense Amy to politics, but, you know, the fights are about stuff that really isn't going to solve a problem. It just accelerates our (laughs) With both of you, you know, so successful and within anger and fear. And, you know, in our world, I don't see it
changing. I don't think that people really think of the correlation of, maybe I can't get you this specific thing that you love on the menu today, because they shipped me the the communities and constantly giving yourselves out to the wrong thing. I mean, we had a whole two weeks where we couldn't get toilet paper for our toilet paper holders. And it was like, every day crisis, trying to manage this for effing
toilet paper! (laughs) Because they're specific to this one type, you know, like, I cannot believe this is like, my big my communities. How do you guys come back to yourself? How do big deal for two weeks. Figuring out toilet paper at my age (laughs).
I think and I hope it's gotten better. I don't know. Because I'm also like an older mom. So maybe it's a you - How do you give yourself self care? little different. But sometimes I would be on these mom groups, which is why I had to quit Facebook altogether. But I had to quit these mom groups, because it was like, I found them...I don't know, they just
weren't my people. But it seemed like there was this sort of marter-ness with moms where they would, they would not do any self care because they were doing ALL of this stuff for their kids. And I can just speaking for me, I am a 10 times better mother, if I have gone for a 30 minute run. Or if I have popped into a yoga class. I am more attentive. I am clear
minded. I am more patient. If I've done something you know, throughout the day, or at least a couple of times a week that is going to sort of rejuvenate me. And I know that I'm not sure that that is something that I see in a lot of mothers, but without it I'm telling you, I'm a worse mother.
Yeah, I agree. I agree 1,000,000% on that, when COVID hit, I started working out every morning. And that was my that was my stress reliever. That was the thing that I went to, you know, meditating for 10 minutes a day, when I'm on that pillow, nobody can come and talk to me (laughs). That's my safe place. And it's so important.
And I even started noticing if I didn't if I missed some form of self care throughout the day that I had tried to get into a habit with my girls would be like, "Mommy, you didn't work out today did you?" (laughs) Know I didn't. So because they started noticing it, they would notice if I didn't give myself that time throughout the day, they would start they started
noticing it even more. And I think yes, between being a full time working mom, business owner, there's a lot of balls, there's a lot of juggling, there's a lot of everything that we're doing, you know, we're working off of not only my calendar, but each individual kids calendars plus the house calendar plus a work calendar. And, you know, there's a lot that's going on. And I think giving yourself that time and that self care is the absolute
most important. And, you know, it's not something that you have to brag about, or you have to put out into that social media world. But as us women, we need to do that for ourselves in order to show up, even if it's just going for a walk around the block or reading a chapter of a book that you've been wanting to
do. But I also know too, I feel like as of recently I've I slipped up, I feel like I've slipped up on my self care and it's been noticeable from my children, and it's something that I think it's important to always go back to and to talk about with other moms and other people out there in the professional industry. I mean, even my team of my team of
people that work for me. I've enforced 30 minutes of self care every morning, the day starts at 9:00, but from 9:00 to 9:30, I want them to do something for themselves. So I've got one that loves horseback riding, I've got one that loves yoga, I've got one that really loves reading. So I don't bother anybody until
30 AM. And then they kick off their day. And it's just something that I've implemented within my company to help my employees show up as better versions of themselves. And they are so grateful. And I can see it in their work, I can see it in their work ethic. Marilyn, what about you?
For first year of COVID I was in the best physical shape of my life.
Yeah.
My last decade of life. But I ended up in the hospital and then subsequently diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. And it's been in major pain for the last six/eight months. And I realized it's not just my physical health that I was not engaging in it was my mental health as well. You know, I stopped meditating cuz I felt going to the gym was my meditation and getting in better physical shape to handle
all this was the way to go. But I think I needed to find the balance, which I'm finally finding again, you know, part of my wellness personally is being around a lot of like-minded people and engaging in elevated conversation and mastermind groups. So I'm in this group with these women I've been in with 10 years. And we stopped kind of seeing each other and engaging because we were all in crisis mode. In our case, we're all in business. In various different fields and things and
Yeah. we some of us have kids, some don't. And we brought that back together, we did a retreat in the spring. And it was like oh my god, I miss this so much! I missed just having these women in my life and the text threads in the morning about you know, every little thing in our life and some of us had some real tragedy a friend of mine lost a brother in this and a sister in law and you know, lots of like, physical death and then people lost jobs, lost businesses and
kids with anxiety. My daughter is in therapy, two different therapists she has crazy anxiety and comes home worried about everything from mass shootings, to you know, what people are eating and how they're talking to her and it's, we're going into these like preteen years, which I think for this generation, a 10-year-old is a 14-year old. Absolutely.
So much knowledge at their fingertips. That it I wasn't ready for it. I'm like, where my little babies (laughs) to cuddle with and talk about you know, Legos (laughs).
(laughs)
Now, they don't even want to hear that anymore. We're talking about you know, menstruation pads and like, I'm not ready I'm not ready! (laughs)
(laughs)
So I think the mind connection lately has been really great in helping get more grounded and I just got awarded a James Beard award to be in their cohorts, which is the Cornell University School I'm going to basically with 20 women from around the country.
Awesome.
And that's been like, amazing to you know, hear you know, we get a text I can't make class today because the sewage is leaking in the basement or you know, somebody robbed us last night, or I can't get my truck here to deliver my ice cream and though they are tragic things it's kind of comforting that there's other women that are in business and different levels some have much bigger businesses some smaller but we're all kind of thinking and doing the same things with our work/life balance and
there's comfort in numbers I think, knowing others are like you.
Yep. And I I agree with with you 100% on that I always never felt like I found my like-minded group of of women. It was always tough because I was friends with a lot of different people but knowing and being able to be open and letting down the guard, letting down your guard, I think as a woman is also a little bit easier because you can allow people to come into your life
where you are like-minded. And I think being around like-minded and successful women surrounding you too it just helps you to learn more, learn from one another, support each other more and be grounded together more.
And I think, even though there's, we've got that village, you know, there's I feel like I do have that family village, but also, this village of women, I think is even more important to have and build, you know, you don't need 50,000 girlfriends, but having a core group that you guys can all be in and relate together and support one another and lift each other up.
And be vulnerable.
hes!
It's, it's really hard to find male or female. that you can have unconditional tolerance and vulnerability in the room together, whether you agree or don't agree or have, you know, one you is a Jew, and one of you is a Christian, one of us gay, one of us straight, black, white, you know, that's what I, like crave right now...
Me too.
...from society that I'm not getting from the masses. And I'm lucky enough to have found a lot of different women and men in my life. And I think maturity helps with that you start, you know, letting go of the shit, that doesn't really matter anymore. And you don't have as much time in front of you as you did when you were younger. So you get more critical about who and how you're going to spend that. Yeah, if you can not feel guilty about that, and learn how to say no to things that just don't
serve you. Maybe they serve somebody else, that's great. Your life is your life. But for me to be a better mom and a better employer and boss and co worker, I need to really get real with who I am and who I'm willing to put myself out there to win. You know, in the groups I'm in, we've had to let some people go, you know, that just don't want to get real. The friendships are too superficial at this point in life. Want to dig deep and, and heal your past and move forward? You know?
Yeah. Go ahead, Amy.
Well, I was just gonna say touching on what you were really both of you have said, there's a certainly for me, and I'm assuming to both of you, a distraction from the pandemic with the wellness of our kids, right? So not only were the schools closed, and they were home, and then there's this idea that they all gotten behind academically, and then the anxiety level. They are experiencing. So however Intune,
Yeah. I might be to an issue, there's always something in the back of my head, far more so than pre pandemic, on the wellness of my child during this pandemic, and to the point with the school shootings, right? Those are those active drills that they do when they all climb in the bathroom, and lock the door. And all of these things are kind of horrifying. So my son left in pre K, that was when the pandemic hit, and then returned
in First Grade. So he missed all the rest of pre K, all the Kindergarten, and then were returned in first grade. So in Asbury, a lot of people send their kids to the pre K program, and then they move their kids to other schools, for whatever reasons. So he went back to First Grade not knowing anyone, because in the pre K program, there had been all these kids he
knew. And he would, and he's raised by all women, except for Marilyn's neighbor, Jeffery, who I would also include as all women, but in theory, he's raised by a women. So when he went back to school, he would get upset, and you'd go in the bathroom and cry. And so the teachers would call and we'd say, well, you know, he's raised by me, my wife, my mother, Jeffrey. And when we get upset, we go to the car, or we go to the bathroom, sometimes we cry. So, so we don't see anything
wrong with that. We're okay if he's having a hard time adjusting to First Grade after this pandemic and different setting. We're okay if he goes to the bathroom and cries, we're not worried about it. We'd actually prefer he go cry and get it out and feel like he's got to be, I don't know, whatever it feels like he doesn't have to cry. Anyway, it makes it through the First Grade and there was a lot of stress and there's a lot of anxieties. Now in Second Grade, he's doing
much better. But having lived through that experience, I'm never - there is no portion of me -there's always a small portion of me worried. Yeah.The school shooting or the adjustment from the pandemic - I'm like, I'm less on academics. But you know, I'd love if academics were were high. But you know that the emotional part of it's a little bit more important to me than the academics. And I think as a result of the pandemic, there isn't a mother who's not cerned
about their child. And at least from my friends, a lot of my friends have teenagers. And that it just seems, seems to have been a really rough go for them as well. I found it super crazy for me. Both my girls were pre pandemic, very independent, even as young as they were. And when the pandemic hit, I ended up creating, like a learning pod at my house with one other family. And we hired somebody that came
in. And she was she was okay with coming in, she came in with a mask, and we had our safety pods of maybe one or two other families that we made sure, they weren't going anywhere. We weren't going anywhere, we were only seeing each other and we created this learning pod. So we could have the kids continue to get on to their classes as they need it. She helped the older kids we had, we were in kindergarten, no pre K, second grade. And fourth grade, I think
it was. And you know, the second graders and the fourth graders would get online, they do their thing. The woman that we had there, but my pre K-er, she only had 30 minutes a day. And I'm like, as a working from home mom now trying to start and build a business. I was still here, but I needed that support. And prior to the pandemic, they were very
independent. And I'll never forget the first time it happened, it scared the it scared the living hell out of me, all of a sudden, I went from the kitchen to the bathroom, by myself. And both of my girls were like, Mommy, where are you? Where are you? And I was like, I'm right in the bathroom, I didn't go anywhere, or I'd go upstairs, and they'd come into a room that I wouldn't be in. And since then they are so much more energetically tied to me, but
physically tied to me. And now like with them back in school, I still have it at nighttime, or for me just trying to leave the house by myself has been a huge struggle to just be like, I will be back. I'm not going like I'm going to the grocery store, alright, I'm just going to the beach to go for a run. And that's a big struggle that I felt it's like the separation anxiety that kicked in. And I still, I still struggle with it
today. And you know, my my 10-year-old, much like you, Marilyn, it's like 10 going on 18 I'm having conversations with her and I'm like, oh, man, I feel like I'm speaking to one of my friends. And I'm like holy cow! But she still has some of these underlying emotional - I don't want to call them issues, just differences that she never really had. And so I do have a constant worry about them. And as a working mom that's constantly now in and out of the
house. It's it's there. And I don't try and hide it or try and bury it. I try constantly to bring it open and and talk to the girls about it. Because I'm struggling with it. And I need them to know on a very kind and safe in a safe space that it's okay to struggle. Let's talk about it. And let's talk about it together. Because we have to keep moving forward. We don't
want to move backwards. And you don't want to just brush any of these worries or fears aside, and we need to be more open about it because I feel that a lot of these kids are keeping them inside and I love the fact that going to the bathroom to cry. Yes, please let let him go. Like don't ever let a we don't want to have our kids have a fear of showing emotions. Right? And so I think that that's it's, it's a big part of how we as a collective of moms can provide some sort of a role model for
them. And from there, I just really hope that they pick it up and they can take it with them and that helps them move through it.
Yeah, I think, you know raising twins has always been a very eye opening just experience but also watching things that you would think you know you think that you have all this influence over certain things that I've learned from you know my one daughter was naturally born, breastfed, always sick - Migraine headaches the other daughter traumatic birth we both almost died not breastfed, never sick. She but she has horrible anxiety. And I firmly believe it's birth
trauma. You know, we've lived in a 540 square foot apartment behind our house up until six months before COVID, Thank God, because I don't know how we would have done that. And I thought when we moved into the front, oh my god, we're gonna have all this room. It's only 1200 square feet, but it's double. My kids will not go upstairs without each other. They will not go into another room talk about bathroom. You know, I'm like, I'm right here.
I can answer your question. Two seconds, I really just need to pee (laughs)
Yeah (laughs).
But it's, you know, and I don't, I experienced it before COVID with Rubi in particular. And after I feel like in COVID was the first time I actually got to slow down and spend a lot of time with them, which was kind of nice.
And it was interesting to see how they both maneuvered through that with school like the one daughter did, the one who has the IEP and who was has the anxiety and the learning problems, difficulties, excelled on the computer and COVID and the other one, if she could, which she did figure out how to be on YouTube instead of in class all the time, horribly failed. You know, so I don't know, part of me says all these things matter. And all of these
things don't matter. It's how do we communicate with our kids, you know, I'm waiting for the day when they say please without asking them. Because I've asked them 2 million times in the last 10 years, and I've brought it up and then one day, they're just gonna do it I hope, you know, so you can only do what you can do. You can only be the best you can be and when you're not. You just need to communicate that and be okay with yourself. So your kids don't put that on themselves or
on you. We're all human. When I finally realized that my mother who gave me a horrible childhood had a nervous breakdown many other issues. When I finally resolved to the fact that she was a human being who had struggles. When I became a mother. I said, you know, why am I so hard on her? Yeah, you know, she's just a woman trying to do the best she could with all the things thrown at her every day. And it resolved my whole relationship with myself
by forgiving my mother. So I think a little kindness, a little forgiveness, and a hell of a lot more vulnerable communication will solve so many of our problems.
Yes, I'm gonna say a big fat YES to all of that (laughs)! Getting up on time. I feel like I could sit and talk with the two of you for hours. I think just to kind of wrap up a conversation between some working mamas is what would your number one piece of advice be for other working moms out there?
I think TIME, if the pandemic shown us anything is our most valuable asset. It's showed me that meetings or careers or money does not fulfill me the same way as having the time to spend with my wife or my son or, or close friends.
Yeah, I agree Amy. I mean, I also really feel like we need to take care of ourselves you know, there's a Buddhist philosophy you need to fill your cup so it can run us over I don't know how many times I've tried to run that car with no gas in it (laughs) thinking that I was going to solve the problems you know? It's um yeah if we can all be a little kinder to each other we might be able to just enjoy life.
I'm getting emotional on this and I agree with both of you time and kindness is definitely what I would say to myself to any other working moms out there is time's fleeting and before you know it, the kids will be out and being their own individual human selves. And, you know, I think time is fleeting and time and kindness is what we need more of. And we need to appreciate it a lot more too.
Yeah, and hopefully our kids will learn from our growth as human beings and take some of those lessons to their future in a better way. And someday this world will be their oyster and hopefully they'll do it a little bit better because they learned a few more lessons early on.
Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Well, thank you both so much for joining us today and and being on our podcast and I look forward to continuing the journey and you know, getting this out there to our audience but also following you two as you continue on your journeys.
Thank you. Thank you both. See ya, Marilyn. Maryland.
Great to see you not in a meeting Amy! (laughs)
Bye ladies, thank you and have a great day!
Thank you so much.
Bye Marilyn.
Bye!
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