Top5 Tips for Well-Being

conversation. I'm Tara Thurber, Director of Talent Innovation. And joining me today today to discuss her Top5 tips to well being is Allison Arden, the founder and creator of Elements of Us. Hey, Alison, how are you today?

Hall of achievement. She is also currently working towards her master's in psychology at the Harvard Extension School, graduating in May 2022. Welcome again, so excited to have you on today, Allison!

But a really difficult time in life. It was 2008 2009, the market had collapsed. So many people were struggling, you know, we were struggling as a brand. We saw so many people losing their jobs, companies were losing their business models. And there was just so

much disruption. And what I realized in that time for myself, and for you know, for everything I was seeing I was in a very unique position being kind of in the center of this industry that was going through such change was that underlying all of the kind of the success and the challenges where people

were feeling really afraid. And there was this big emotional piece to it, that when you were able to talk about it, when you're able to identify it, when you were able to kind of overcome and navigate through it. That's when people were doing okay, that's when companies were able to kind of evolve beyond where they were. But when they were holding themselves back in this place of fear, or unable to kind of get

beyond this moment. It prevented them from really moving forward and really stymied their growth in their success. And what I realized is, it's all about emotion. And the the insight that drove what I've ultimately created and wound up doing was that emotion is invisible. And because it's invisible, it's really difficult to talk about because people are either embarrassed or they feel like they're alone. And you know, so so many things. Yeah.

conversations. And also helping people get beyond places of fear and anxiety and stress to create strategies to get to a place of greater well being, and deeper connections with other people.

us every single day. How would you say, you know, let's talk about how this past year has been. I mean, I know 2008 2009 was was tough, and just this past year with COVID, and people and emotions, you know, how are you seeing this kind of translate for individuals now.

expected to feel before. And it is sometimes hard to talk about, because there's a very big difference between, you know, I think of when you're talking about mental health, I think on a spectrum, there's health, and then there's illness just like there is with our physical

being. And so how we, there's, you know, if somebody has mental,health challenges, they, they should see a doctor, they should open that conversation, there are medicines that if you, you know, if you need them, you you should take them under the guidance of your doctor. Mental Health also improves with certain behaviors, and be able to talk about them and, and work through them. So all of those pieces are part of that of the kind of that mental wellness

process. And I think people have really started to understand that this year, and open those conversations. So it's really what I've seen is that, you know, it's real, and, and we really need to just be working through it on our own taking the steps, we need to protect our own mental health, but also

working through it together. The other piece that's happening this year, they that we that happened last year, and is continuing to happen that we can't ignore is just the the social unrest and the feelings of disconnection and real issue in our society. And in terms of how we respect each other as human beings and how we come to

a better place. So, so the other thing I've seen, is the where, and I love in the work that I'm doing is being able to help people see each other as human beings find that common ground, so that we can understand that we all have, in some ways, similar experiences in some way different experiences, but we all are human beings at the end of the day, and in learning more about each other and seeing each other just as people, we can embrace each other's commonalities, and also begin to

learn about and embrace each other and embrace each other's differences as well.

communicate better. But also, the importance, you know, the psychological safety and well being of all employees, is becoming so much more important now. Because individuals, you know, in order to perform their tasks, or in order to perform at a high level to show up at 100%, everybody needs to make sure that we can understand and we can be open and share with one

another. So that, you know, maybe somebody is struggling on a project, but it might not be because of their skills, it might be because of their emotions and things that are happening internally. So I'm finding that, you know, when companies when people can be more open with their emotions, it's really opening up the doors to better communication internally with teams better communication externally. Are you finding that when you're talking to other companies or people in general?

going so great. And, you know, that is both at home with your emotions, like, you know, challenges with my daughter or my mom, God forbid, is in the hospital or, you know, there's that piece of it. But there's also what are the challenges that are present internally, inside an organization that are preventing us from getting our work done, and creating an environment where those conversations are okay? And people aren't defensive or judged, it's all about getting

to the best work. That's creating an environment where we can have open dialogue and honest discourse, all to get to a better place. And that, you know, I when I used to have my leadership meetings, I would ask the question, it's not like nothing is everything, okay? It's like, what was your? Oh, we'll call it since you know, it might be family viewing, oh, crap on the week. And every I challenge everybody not even

challenge them. Once I asked the question they were able to cut, you know, it flowed, but told him, you know, what's the obstacle that's holding you back from getting to what you're

doing? What's that frustration that giving you the biggest issue, because in talking about it, suddenly, it's like, oh, wait a second, we could totally figure that out, Mary in accounting is going to make that go away in a second, or whatever that is, but remembering that if you give voice to it, you don't have to sit with it, you don't

have to worry about it. And you know, some mistakes happen to right, you know, I did this, it didn't go the way I wanted to, we have to learn to embrace those challenges all to get to a better place we need to learn, we're living in a changing world. And it's always been a changing world invention happens all the time, I love the Thomas Edison quote of I haven't failed, I simply found 10,000 ways of not of how not to do it. I love it. We don't do it, right. And we don't think that way. But it's

true. Because the things, the things that are really worth doing take time, and then we're going to fail if we're going to create, create something new and next.

their job. So by being able to explore that, with leadership, I feel is even more important nowadays to because there's not that in person, energetic connection that you can feel where if you're, if you have this, this moment where you're struggling, more often than not, you can sense it. But a lot of people doing remote work, remote everything. Now, sometimes people put on a good mask, and then it gets to a point where maybe something blows up even

bigger. And it's even worse than it was where somebody could have it could have been nipped in the bud earlier.

gonna just check the box. But if you ask the deeper question, and you ask, you know, what, what is, you know, how, what is going on with that project? What is going on with your, with your daughter these days? You know, what are you finding working from home? How can I make it easier for you to that you can show up and do your best

work? You know, I remember years ago, right after I had my son, I was doing a job that was all about business development and creating the new, great big idea that in a very difficult time it was 2001 2002 was going to bring in the money that the company really needed, your eyes survive. And I had a boss who, you know, was supportive of working parents, but didn't didn't believe in any flexible

work schedules. And I finally went to her and I said, I need you to understand I don't have time to go on my run anymore, because of everything I'm juggling. And when I don't get to go on my run, my running is when I do my creative thinking and I work through the issues. It's amazing. When once I've hit like, what, four or five miles suddenly,

But we need to think about and as leaders, we need to think about how can I help my people get the work done in the best way possible, and that's going to look different for every person.

place. And then open up that conversation viewers now just like we were talking about, but also start setting boundaries, because we've been working from home a lot, and a lot, a lot more, and it's going to change, you know, I say the recovery is going to be very uneven. I don't just mean financially and for businesses, for people able to expect what we want to kind of, well, how quickly we're able to kind of get back up and running for a whole host of different

reasons. But make sure like, people are on zoom calls all day, every day, I would you know, yes. You realize, like, if you have back to back zoom calls, you need to go to the bathroom, you need to go for a walk outside and feel air, you

need to go grab a snack. So you need to make sure that you're taking into account, you know, at work where it's like the you know, time walking between the meetings, you have those 15 minutes, we need to bake that into the day, we need to make sure people are shutting down at night, and shutting down over the weekend. And that starts with leadership, not sending emails over the weekend. Or if they must, must, must, please don't look at this until Monday.

But if it's you know, there's, you can totally manage email where it won't appear until Monday morning, right. So like, this is not stopped those bad habits that might be disrupting other people's downtime. You know, I have, a colleague who call us who creates focus Fridays, and she doesn't know, no zoom meetings on Fridays, or no team meetings on Fridays, right? Like whatever that looks

like. But it gives people a time, a moment to catch up, it's not that they're looking for a long weekend, it's that they're taking care of a few of those things that are going to make them better and catching up on, you know, following up so that it doesn't carry over into next week or into the weekend, whatever that looks like. But start setting those parameters and boundaries and start

building better habits. And you know, that's the work I do is around creating strategies and better habits to get people to a better place for themselves. And as teams and as communities.

Because you know, you're you're chasing after it, you're constantly chasing after it and you're working with different team members. But, I've found that by setting starting to set some boundaries, there's a little bit more of some breathing room. And it's not just for me, but it's for everybody else too.

you. And so, if you are, you know, looking for a job or feeling that burnout or whatever that is continually understanding what inspires you what can get you kind of into that place of flow, what can get you out and it's hard sometimes, but like if you know turn up the music and dance, watch a funny show, start painting, go for the run, go out with friends like don't just stay inside but do whatever it is that lights you up and it's really important to know what lights you up if you

don't know what lights you up, start figuring that out. Yeah, it's it's so important to re energize and kind of reboot the spirit.

has locked on their mind. But shut down an hour before bed, shut off the electronics, charge the phone, in another room, stop looking at social media, maybe shut off, shut off all screens. They say really better to helping you decompress, read a book, it has been shown to be relaxing, learn to meditate, learn to meditate without a device.

can't shut off my brain. It don't worry about shutting off your brain, it's okay to pay it to acknowledge the thoughts that are going through your brain, it allows you to process them. So that's just one example. But pay attention to, what it is that creates a place of self care for you. You know, it might be in the food you're eating it might be there's so many pieces to it. But make sure you're taking that

time. And last weekend, I sat down on my couch just for 20 minutes, I lit a candle, I have a tea that smells so good. It is from William Sonoma, they only sell it during Thanksgiving. I buy them out of the store. Because it smells so good. And so it's like this, it cost nothing, right? It's the candle. It's the tea, it's me on my couch. And it is just a little bit of moment. It's a moment of self care is just giving myself so give yourself that grace, I think that's really super

important. But everybody's self care regimen is going to be different and figure out what works for you. Discover your passion and discover your passion is is a hard one. Because people say like, what do you love doing? Oh, I don't know. Right? start

paying attention. Right? start paying attention to the things that make you happy the things that bring you joy, the things that you're interested in, and you will start to like it, it's okay, if it feels not like that big and not that purpose driven or not. But figure out what that is so that you can do more of it. And when I went through, you know, when I in 2008 2009, I wound up writing the book, the book of doing And it started with me simply asking myself the

become curious about? about anybody that you're talking to ask those questions, ask them deeper questions. You know, we live amongst people, and we don't even know their experience. So learn about people's experience, start opening those dialogues, because that creates more of a human connection, that is going to give you a deeper way of connecting with other people. And that creates everybody's craving connection. But real connection, not just that, like, Oh, hi, how you doing fine, Right?

negativity or anger. And if you feel that you can be honest about that. You know, when you do this, it makes me feel like this. So I would I wish you wouldn't do that. Or if you feel like somebody is coming from his own negativity, is everything okay? I'm sensing that things

aren't Right. Right. So if you start turning that and a start just assuming that everybody is you know, you don't know how somebody is entering a room, figure out you know, as soon positivity and find the empathy and realize that we in every moment we have a place a way of coming together. And then the last one is create rituals that ground you. And that is finding those creating those moments of joy. You know, for some people, it's lighting candles on Friday night. For some people, it's

taking that bubble bath. For some people, it's celebrating a holiday, whether it's a religious holiday, or a made up holiday, or whatever that looks like, create rituals that ground you and keep you connected to people in your life who you love, that will help you in so many ways, and refresh you and rejuvenate you so that you can remember version to the world in effect place.

care of yourself. And then I find I mean, these five tips, it's something I want to infuse with my children, because it's something to just help them be better at who they want to be, and really be able to explore.

word. Oh, that was like, What are those things that you're telling yourself and just stop that negative self talk, and start allowing yourself to get out of those places of negativity, of getting out of those places of perfectionism. Allow yourself to live more freely, and you will feel better about who you are and how you're showing up. And other people will as well.

feeling. And so we have to make sure that, you know, like I've said self care has to do with how you're the activities you're doing to take care of yourself, but how you're thinking, and how you're kind of laying down these rituals that allow yourself to feel grounded and stable, so that you can go out into the world in a different way. But you know, it's been a very, very

heavy time. And we need to look for the joy, find the humor, find ways of laughing and having fun, because because we it just makes everything a little bit lighter and brighter.

this awesome work. Where can people find the Elements Ff Us? Where can people kind of be able to dig in and learn a little bit more of what you're doing?

out. I do interviews with as entrepreneurs, executives, experts, and all kinds of amazing people, and we tell the stories through the elements every bit, we choose five elements to your top five. So one one is always a gray, which are the stressor elements. And because, you know, we all have them, and it's really important through all of us that we understand that nobody's life is perfect. Everybody has, has good times and bad times. And, and together, we will, you know, find a better place. You

mentioned silver linings. And I think people have gone through really difficult times, and we have to find the silver lions will be in a better place. But my grandfather who lived through a very difficult time losing his whole family in the war, and you know, all of these terrible things he always used to say, and it was my favorite expression, after rain come

sunshine. And this positive spirit and believing that there are bright times ahead, is the way of really having a positive outlook on, what is yet to come. And continuing to motivate yourself to take those steps to continue to move towards that light. So that so so that we can all kind of get, you get to a better place. But it's really important that we get to a better place together.