Hey ladies, welcome back to DT Chats, DT Talks. DT Us (laughs).
(laughs)
We're getting into the nitty gritty of HR and recruiting. Super curious that I just want to kind of jump right into how do we deal how does anybody deal with passive aggressive co workers? Passive aggressive behavior in the workplace. Ellie, I'm gonna give you the spotlight right away. And let's just jump into this topic.
Yeah, so I think in our last conversation, we talked a little bit about conflict resolution, and one of the things that we talked about was bringing in a trusted third party person to kind of get outside perspective and to maybe just see where you may have gone wrong, or where they may have gone wrong, just to kind of, again, get some new perspective, a different view.
Right.
I think where that gets dicey, and a little bit more of an issue is when it becomes gossipy, and then it's spread beyond that one person in the office. And then all of a sudden, you have kind of this, he said, she said issue where it's not just you and that person anymore. It's everybody in the office is picking sides. And I think that's something that is to be avoided, but again, creates this like passive aggressive culture. And again, knowing yourself, can you go to
somebody? Are you a gossip? What does that look like? But being able to contain situations like that and just handle them straight on before getting everybody else involved. I think is super important. Just being cognitive, of who you are trusting with that information so that it doesn't lead to a more toxic situation.
Yeah.
In terms of like, passive aggressive coworkers, I think it's just nipping it in the bud. If you have something
where that happens. Again, we talked, Victoria about not just dealing with it through email or through text, but I feel like our generation is still a phone call generation and being able to say, Hey, I did not feel respected, or I did not feel that that was the right thing to say, or the appropriate thing to say, like if there is an issue, or if there's something that I can do better to assist you, or partner with you just let me know, I don't want this to be a relationship where we feel like
we have to dance around certain topics, I think just nipping it in the bud being direct and saying, We can't do this. Just tell me what you need.
Yeah. Yeah. I think passive aggressive behavior is something that can be extremely toxic in any work environment, whether it's coming from leadership down through the ranks to equal leveled co workers, right? I always see. I always see businesses as more of a flat representation, I think is the best way to do it, where everybody's in it together. We're all partnered together, there's no hierarchy, right? But the reality is, there's a lot of companies that are dead set on
that hierarchy. But when we can look at passive behavior, passive aggressive behaviors from anybody in the workplace, it's something like, what's the underlying reason for that? Because it's just creating a negative energy. It's creating this animosity or this uncomfortableness for people around you where if it's one on one, that it's becoming this conflict, it is being able to stand up for yourself, speak up for yourself, Hey, why are you
acting this way? Why are you or I'm feeling that you're acting this way. I'm feeling this negative energy from you, I think, is better than saying why are you, right?
Right.
Yeah.
You say, Why are you and you're putting that energy on to somebody and they're gonna get super judgy not judgey but super defensive., right? So by saying - go ahead.
Yeah, I was gonna say in going back and kind of tying back into my initial point about like, the perspective person versus like the gossipy person, if you're creating that gossip, again, he said/she said environment and then people don't feel comfortable just going straight to that person. It becomes this one side of the office versus the other, and then you get the passive aggressive because you don't feel comfortable or respected to
go straight to that person. It's a little bit of the which came first the chicken or the egg situation. But again, it's if you're fostering an environment where you're able to feel respected and valued the passive aggressiveness stops, because you feel like you can go straight to that person. But if you have that again, gossipy uncomfortable toxic environment, then you don't feel like you have the safe space to verbalize your feelings or your emotions.
Yeah, absolutely. I agree. I think it also, it just creates this problem where people stop listening to understand, and they listen to respond, right? Everyone's just on the defense.
Yes!
So if we can create a scenario where it's like, I actually want to come up with solutions. I think we've all been a part of a conversation where somebody is just like poking holes, and you're like, Cool, thanks. Do you have an idea? Right? Like, instead of just telling me this is awful, like, how would you improve it?
(laughs)
That's what I want to hear, right? So if we can create an opportunity where you can actually come with a solution, or at least be open to somebody else's solution and putting the ego aside putting the Well, my feelings are hurt aside for a second to actually just understand, like, again, maybe that just wasn't their intention. And maybe their tone came off weird, because they
were just in a bad mood. Maybe they didn't even realize that like putting a period instead of an exclamation mark was going to make you feel some type of way. We've all been there (laughs).
Oh my gosh, yeah, you get email and text messaging, and holy cow, it's all over (laughs).
I read into all of it. I'm like, did you just send me okay, it's, like, we all do. We all do it, but being able to kind of put that aside if you can, right? And if not, then it is seeking out where can I get that safe space? Or where can I get that person who can come with solutions instead of just Well, that was wrong?
Yeah.
Okay, awesome. Now what? So it's, it's a fine balance of trying to figure that all out. And I think all conflict resolution usually starts with a communication issue.
Mmmm hmm.
And how do we resolve that? And then how do we also take out the emotion? Because if you keep just saying, Well, my feelings are hurt, my feelings aren hurt, that is only gonna get you so far.
Yeah, that's not a solution.
I'll sing it again, emotionally intelligent leadership (sings like a tune).
Right, yeah (laughs)!
Building your employees and their ability to communicate and their ability to work as strong leaders, again, trickles down into that team communication and what people feel comfortable being 100%.
For sure.
I couldn't agree more with the two of you. And it's really enlightening to be able to have these discussions. And hopefully share this with our audience to just - you're not alone in any situation. And being able to talk about passive aggressive behaviors or conflict. I mean, we all go
through it. And I think it's important to be able to acknowledge and be aware, I think, are two of my biggest words, when it comes to conflict, and passive aggressive behavior, or just being able to, like you said Victoria, it take the emotion out of it, I think, is a super huge because, again, we are working with each other, probably more than we're seeing our families, or our friends.
And so for us to be able to communicate and work through any and all conflicts is really, at the end of the day that's a successful team and a successful culture that is being fostered within, as long as there's that safe place for everybody to grow.
Absolutely.
Awesome. Well, I'm gonna say thank you both, again, for joining me on DT Talks. It's been really wonderful chatting with you guys today, and I appreciate your time and I'm looking forward to what comes of our next chats.
Same here.
Of course. Great talk.
All right, ladies, make it a great day.